u/Fragrant_Table_2478

Hi, I wanted to ask about something. I’ve experienced ROCD in a previous relationship, but it was never anywhere near this severe. My episodes always lasted a maximum of 2–3 weeks.
Now it has been going on for 3 months. I went through massive anxiety before I was prescribed medication by my psychiatrist. I’ve barely had any anxiety for almost a month now, but the thoughts are still there all day. I feel disconnected from my partner, and overall I feel like I’m pulling away from him, and I don’t understand why. He has always been my favorite person, and he still is.
I’m stressed about anything that involves our future, and I’m stressed because I don’t feel the way I want to feel. It’s so strange. So many professionals have confirmed that it’s ROCD, yet I’m still struggling with it and I’m scared that maybe it actually isn’t ROCD at all…
Has anyone experienced something similar?

Hi, I’d really like to hear from people who have experience with ROCD. For quite some time now, I feel like I think about my relationship practically 24/7, and I’m completely exhausted by it.
Before this started, I was happy in my relationship and I loved my boyfriend. Then I developed intense anxiety, and gradually most of my thoughts became focused on my relationship.
I constantly have questions like: Do I really love him? Why don’t I feel the way I used to? Why do I sometimes dislike his touch? Why do I feel so emotionally distant from him? Why don’t I feel the same happiness or excitement about him as I used to? What if my feelings have actually changed?
And the worst part is that I no longer know what my real feelings are and what is caused by anxiety/OCD.
I feel emotionally numb and distant from him, and it scares me so much. What scares me the most is the possibility that I will eventually find out that I really don’t love him and that I will have to leave. Honestly, that is my biggest nightmare. I don’t want to lose this relationship.
Sometimes I even feel weird saying “I love you,” “baby,” or “sweetheart” to him. It’s as if those words suddenly don’t feel natural anymore. And it makes me so frustrated because they used to feel completely natural to me.
At the same time, I constantly analyze my feelings and look for certainty. I go back through memories, compare how I felt in the past to how I feel now, check my reactions to my partner, and try to figure out whether I still love him. But even after all of that, I never get real certainty. There is always another “but what if…?”
I also have similar doubts about the future – marriage, children, our life together, and now even the fact that we’re considering getting a puppy. I keep thinking about whether it’s the right decision and what if I later realize that I made the wrong choice.
I also have other OCD symptoms, such as checking outlets, fears about different catastrophes, and sometimes irrational fears that my partner might hurt me, even though there is no actual reason to think he would.
The hardest part is that I don’t want to leave. I want my relationship, my feelings, and the closeness I used to have back. I just don’t know whether I should trust what I’m feeling right now or whether my feelings are being distorted by anxiety/OCD.
Has anyone experienced something similar? Have you also had periods of emotional numbness and distance with ROCD, where it felt strange to say “I love you” or use nicknames that used to feel completely natural?
And most importantly – how did you learn to stop constantly checking whether you actually feel your feelings?

Lately, I have been feeling that my difficulties are not limited to anxiety itself. My physical anxiety has decreased somewhat compared to the beginning, and anxiety related to other areas of my life does not bother me as much anymore. However, most of my problems seem to have shifted toward relationship-related thoughts. My anxiety is still quite strong in the mornings, and sometimes a particular thought or doubt becomes so distressing that I have a severe panic attack and start crying. The biggest problem, however, is the constant overthinking, analyzing, and checking, which significantly interferes with my everyday life. When I get stuck in these thoughts, I am unable to function normally or concentrate.
I constantly check my feelings toward my partner and try to determine whether I really love him, whether I am looking forward to seeing him, whether I want to spend time with him, whether I am attracted to him, or whether our relationship is really the right one. I also check completely ordinary situations. For example, if I kiss my mother, I immediately start comparing whether the kiss felt the same as kissing my partner and what I felt during it. I often compare my current feelings with the feelings I had in my previous relationship. If a feeling reminds me of my previous relationship, I immediately become frightened and feel the need to figure out what it means. Similarly, at work I check my reactions to my colleagues, especially men — whether I am attracted to them, whether I have any feelings toward them, or whether I am somehow sending them signals. This distracts me at work, and sometimes I am unable to concentrate on what I am supposed to be doing.
When I try not to check, my uncertainty and the urge to verify things increase. I feel that I have to somehow solve the problem and gain certainty. Because of this, I search for information, read about other people’s experiences with similar problems, read articles about relationships, and sometimes even use tarot cards to find out whether I will stay with my partner and whether our relationship will be okay. When I get a positive result or receive some kind of reassurance, I feel calmer for a short time, but it never lasts. Another doubt soon appears. I feel as though no amount of reassurance is ever enough.
I also experience thoughts in the form of commands. For example, “kiss your partner or something will happen to him” or “move your phone or you will break up.” Rationally, I know that these thoughts do not make sense, but in the moment I feel a very strong urge to do what the thought tells me because I am afraid that if I do not, what I fear will actually happen. Because of this, I usually perform the action. In the past, I also moved various objects with the intention of preventing a breakup or some other catastrophe.
I have also started avoiding certain situations and things because of this. For example, I avoid conversations with my friends about their relationships or romantic content on social media because they can trigger me again. I have also started avoiding stronger expressions of affection toward my partner, as well as planning and making commitments for the future, because I feel that until I am 100% certain that I am in the right relationship, I should not behave that way. Sometimes I even avoid certain objects. For example, I might want to buy my favorite ice cream, but then I remember that the last time I ate it I experienced a strong cycle of relationship-related thoughts, so I decide not to buy it because I am afraid of triggering the same state again.
Sometimes my symptoms improve for a while and I feel more like myself again. This lasts until something triggers me, such as romantic content on social media, my friends talking about relationships, a particular feeling, or a memory. Then the checking and analyzing starts again. Before these problems began, I felt good in my relationship. I wanted to spend time with my partner, I looked forward to seeing him, and I naturally thought about our future together. Now I feel the need to constantly verify my feelings. At the same time, I do not want to leave him and I do not want to lose him, but the fact that I cannot constantly verify what I feel scares me.
I feel that the more I try to figure out what I truly feel, the more confused I become. It is no longer just one doubt about my relationship, but a need to check almost everything — my feelings, reactions, memories, compare them with the past, seek reassurance, perform rituals, or avoid things in order to prevent what I fear from happening. When I perform a checking behavior or ritual, I feel temporarily relieved, but then another doubt appears and I feel the need to check again.
Today I described all of this to my psychiatrist, and he told me that these are dependent personality traits rather than OCD. I am honestly so angry and frustrated about this.

Hi everyone, I’m checking in again after a few days. I finally feel like I’m starting to get better. I’ve stopped doing a lot of my reassurance-seeking, and I feel much more present in my relationship, which is a really good sign.
But I still have so many intrusive thoughts and doubts. I keep wondering how we’re going to live together in the future, whether this is really what I want, whether he’s actually the right person for me, whether I still love him, or whether I’m just convincing myself that I do.
And then there’s the whole issue of our sex life. Over the past two months, we’ve only had sex about twice because my anxiety was so intense that I simply didn’t have the energy or desire for it. It honestly made me really sad and frustrated.
Now that my anxiety has decreased quite a bit, I’m finally starting to feel sexual desire again. But the moment I notice that I actually want sex, my brain immediately starts questioning it again: “Do I really want this?” “Am I only doing this because I want our relationship to work?” “What if I’m forcing myself?” “Will our sex life ever feel normal again?”
It’s so frustrating because even when something starts to feel natural again, my brain immediately turns it into another thing I need to analyze.
Can this also be part of ROCD? Has anyone else experienced something similar, especially the constant questioning around sex and intimacy?

Hi everyone, I’m checking in again after a few days. I finally feel like I’m starting to get better. I’ve stopped doing a lot of my reassurance-seeking, and I feel much more present in my relationship, which is a really good sign.
But I still have so many intrusive thoughts and doubts. I keep wondering how we’re going to live together in the future, whether this is really what I want, whether he’s actually the right person for me, whether I still love him, or whether I’m just convincing myself that I do.
And then there’s the whole issue of our sex life. Over the past two months, we’ve only had sex about twice because my anxiety was so intense that I simply didn’t have the energy or desire for it. It honestly made me really sad and frustrated.
Now that my anxiety has decreased quite a bit, I’m finally starting to feel sexual desire again. But the moment I notice that I actually want sex, my brain immediately starts questioning it again: “Do I really want this?” “Am I only doing this because I want our relationship to work?” “What if I’m forcing myself?” “Will our sex life ever feel normal again?”
It’s so frustrating because even when something starts to feel natural again, my brain immediately turns it into another thing I need to analyze.
Can this also be part of ROCD? Has anyone else experienced something similar, especially the constant questioning around sex and intimacy?

Hi everyone, I’m checking in again after a few days. I finally feel like I’m starting to get better. I’ve stopped doing a lot of my reassurance-seeking, and I feel much more present in my relationship, which is a really good sign.
But I still have so many intrusive thoughts and doubts. I keep wondering how we’re going to live together in the future, whether this is really what I want, whether he’s actually the right person for me, whether I still love him, or whether I’m just convincing myself that I do.
And then there’s the whole issue of our sex life. Over the past two months, we’ve only had sex about twice because my anxiety was so intense that I simply didn’t have the energy or desire for it. It honestly made me really sad and frustrated.
Now that my anxiety has decreased quite a bit, I’m finally starting to feel sexual desire again. But the moment I notice that I actually want sex, my brain immediately starts questioning it again: “Do I really want this?” “Am I only doing this because I want our relationship to work?” “What if I’m forcing myself?” “Will our sex life ever feel normal again?”
It’s so frustrating because even when something starts to feel natural again, my brain immediately turns it into another thing I need to analyze.
Can this also be part of ROCD? Has anyone else experienced something similar, especially the constant questioning around sex and intimacy?

Hi everyone, I’d like to share what’s been going on over the last few days. I have ROCD, but I no longer feel as disconnected from my boyfriend. Instead, I’m now struggling with the fact that sometimes physical touch starts to bother me, or it just feels kind of strange. Most of the time, this sends me into a spiral where I feel like we need to break up.
It was never like this before the anxiety hit. At the beginning of this episode, which has already lasted two months, our relationship was calm and balanced. I've had ROCD in past relationships too, but previous episodes weren't this long and didn't involve me occasionally being bothered by my partner's closeness.
Does anyone have a similar experience? Currently, I'm taking my medication and going to therapy.

Hi everyone, I've been diagnosed with OCD and GAD. I wanted to ask—I've been in a state where I feel free from anxiety for about a week now. I have ROCD; while the anxiety has gone away, my thoughts are still looping. For example: today I told my boyfriend I love him when we were saying goodbye, and right away my mind jumped to whether I really felt it, whether I'm just lying to him, or why I'm even saying it to him in the first place. At the same time, I struggle with the fact that whenever I kiss or hug him, a thought pops up: 'this isn't it,' 'this isn't the feeling I know, why isn't it like that, why don't I feel it more?' I don't know that much about ROCD yet—are these typical symptoms? I'd love to be happy with him again; our life was so great before this two-month anxiety started...

Also, it frequently happens that my mind starts comparing this situation to how I felt right before my last breakup (back then, though, I broke up with him because he cheated on me). I started CBT therapy, but it doesn't really feel like it's working yet."

Hi, I would appreciate some advice. Two months ago, ROCD flared up for me. I’ve had it in previous relationships as well, but this time it's extreme, and I’d like to share how I'm feeling right now.
I feel disconnected from my partner, as if the relationship doesn't actually entertain or fulfill me anymore, yet I still feel the need to text him and talk to him every day. Right now, I'm scared to go visit him because I worry it will trigger more doubts or that I'll feel that terrible sense of disconnection. Until this started, we had a wonderful relationship.
I keep wondering whether I should just leave instead, but I always back down because I don't actually want that. I'm wondering if my ROCD might actually stem from a fear of abandonment (many people have left me, including my father), so maybe I feel like I need to run away before he hurts me first?"

Hi, today I finally got an OCD diagnosis, specifically ROCD. I wanted to ask if anyone has the same experience. I wanted to know for so long if it was OCD until my psychiatrist finally figured out that yes, it is OCD. I don't feel relieved at all, I still feel horribly disconnected from my partner, as if he were somewhere far away even when we are together. It's a strange feeling and it terrifies me. The anxiety has subsided, but the thoughts keep spinning. Does anyone have a similar experience with this disconnection? Does it go away?

Hi everyone, I’d like to share my story here. I think I’ve had OCD since childhood; as a kid, I was always afraid our house would burn down or that we’d get robbed—by repeatedly locking the door I even destroyed a lock, I constantly unplugged electrical sockets, or I frequently prayed that nothing bad would happen to my loved ones. It stopped around the age of 14, and though I sometimes catch myself still doing those things, it doesn't limit me that much anymore. The only strange things are that I refuse to wear any clothes in which something negative happened to me, or I have to go pee three times before going to sleep just to make sure I won't wet the bed at night.
When I was 18, I got into my very first relationship. After a few months, someone told me that I was just faking my relationship and didn't love my boyfriend (now my ex). That started a constant cycle of severe anxiety and endless googling about what real love looks like, and so on. Later, it turned into an obsession that I was actually a closeted lesbian, or that my boyfriend was a murderer and wanted to kill me. That relationship ended after two years for other reasons, and I’m so glad it did.
Currently, I am in an amazing relationship. In the beginning, it started wonderfully, but even back then I had some doubts (whether he is handsome enough, smart enough, whether I will love him, etc.). Over time, those almost subsided; instead, I started having doubts about whether he loves me, whether he’s cheating on me, and other things, since I’ve been through cheating in the past. We stayed together and have now been together for almost two years, but this June it caught up with me again (there are objectively no flaws in the relationship; he is loving and wonderful).
It started when a thought suddenly popped into my head that I don't care about him. Then I was talking with his friend about breaking up with his girlfriend, who was toxic, and it triggered an extreme wave of anxiety in me that I am just like her and that I don't love him either. The thoughts started looping: am I attracted to him? Do I love him? I constantly checked my feelings, Google, ChatGPT, articles about love, TikTok, 10 signs of ROCD, etc.
It drove me all the way to a psychiatrist who diagnosed GAD and PTSD, saying it’s not OCD—I have a slightly different opinion on that, but I've read that the manifestations of these disorders are quite similar. I've been taking SSRIs for 3 weeks and the change is only minor. There were several really strong urges to break up, feeling like "this isn't it anymore," but I always stayed, believing we can get through this together. The thoughts loop a lot; they even wake me up at night, sometimes I have crying fits, I feel detached and emotionless, constantly overthinking whether I want to text him, go see him, be with him, etc. But I’ve never left. We even managed to go on a wonderful vacation together where I was really very anxious, but he helped me a lot—he is amazing about this.
Now I started CBT therapy, but so far there hasn't been even the slightest improvement. I monitor myself a lot; for example, yesterday I bought him a cheaper lemonade than the one I bought for myself, and a wave of guilt hit me that because I was cheap on him, it means I don't love him. I am already so terribly exhausted by all of this. I would love to look forward to spending time together, planning, and living again, but right now I can only manage to survive. I don't want to leave him; deep down I know that I love him more than anything, but I don't know where the way out is.
I feel emotionally flat right now; I can't get a single emotion out of myself, everything feels like I'm in a movie, and it has also significantly disrupted our sex life. It used to be great, but now we don't have sex because I'm afraid of it. I look for reassurance in tarot cards, for instance, checking if our relationship is meant to be, and seek other forms of reassurance. I often look at our pictures and try to force some positive emotion out of myself, but I remain flat.
Does anyone have a similar experience? Is this GAD or rather ROCD, and did I just get the wrong diagnosis? I would appreciate any answers and experiences. I really don't want this to ruin our relationship.

Hi everyone, I’d like to share my story here. I think I’ve had OCD since childhood; as a kid, I was always afraid our house would burn down or that we’d get robbed—by repeatedly locking the door I even destroyed a lock, I constantly unplugged electrical sockets, or I frequently prayed that nothing bad would happen to my loved ones. It stopped around the age of 14, and though I sometimes catch myself still doing those things, it doesn't limit me that much anymore. The only strange things are that I refuse to wear any clothes in which something negative happened to me, or I have to go pee three times before going to sleep just to make sure I won't wet the bed at night.
When I was 18, I got into my very first relationship. After a few months, someone told me that I was just faking my relationship and didn't love my boyfriend (now my ex). That started a constant cycle of severe anxiety and endless googling about what real love looks like, and so on. Later, it turned into an obsession that I was actually a closeted lesbian, or that my boyfriend was a murderer and wanted to kill me. That relationship ended after two years for other reasons, and I’m so glad it did.
Currently, I am in an amazing relationship. In the beginning, it started wonderfully, but even back then I had some doubts (whether he is handsome enough, smart enough, whether I will love him, etc.). Over time, those almost subsided; instead, I started having doubts about whether he loves me, whether he’s cheating on me, and other things, since I’ve been through cheating in the past. We stayed together and have now been together for almost two years, but this June it caught up with me again (there are objectively no flaws in the relationship; he is loving and wonderful).
It started when a thought suddenly popped into my head that I don't care about him. Then I was talking with his friend about breaking up with his girlfriend, who was toxic, and it triggered an extreme wave of anxiety in me that I am just like her and that I don't love him either. The thoughts started looping: am I attracted to him? Do I love him? I constantly checked my feelings, Google, ChatGPT, articles about love, TikTok, 10 signs of ROCD, etc.
It drove me all the way to a psychiatrist who diagnosed GAD and PTSD, saying it’s not OCD—I have a slightly different opinion on that, but I've read that the manifestations of these disorders are quite similar. I've been taking SSRIs for 3 weeks and the change is only minor. There were several really strong urges to break up, feeling like "this isn't it anymore," but I always stayed, believing we can get through this together. The thoughts loop a lot; they even wake me up at night, sometimes I have crying fits, I feel detached and emotionless, constantly overthinking whether I want to text him, go see him, be with him, etc. But I’ve never left. We even managed to go on a wonderful vacation together where I was really very anxious, but he helped me a lot—he is amazing about this.
Now I started CBT therapy, but so far there hasn't been even the slightest improvement. I monitor myself a lot; for example, yesterday I bought him a cheaper lemonade than the one I bought for myself, and a wave of guilt hit me that because I was cheap on him, it means I don't love him. I am already so terribly exhausted by all of this. I would love to look forward to spending time together, planning, and living again, but right now I can only manage to survive. I don't want to leave him; deep down I know that I love him more than anything, but I don't know where the way out is.
I feel emotionally flat right now; I can't get a single emotion out of myself, everything feels like I'm in a movie, and it has also significantly disrupted our sex life. It used to be great, but now we don't have sex because I'm afraid of it. I look for reassurance in tarot cards, for instance, checking if our relationship is meant to be, and seek other forms of reassurance. I often look at our pictures and try to force some positive emotion out of myself, but I remain flat.
Does anyone have a similar experience? Is this GAD or rather ROCD, and did I just get the wrong diagnosis? I would appreciate any answers and experiences. I really don't want this to ruin our relationship.

Hi everyone, I’d like to share my story here. I think I’ve had OCD since childhood; as a kid, I was always afraid our house would burn down or that we’d get robbed—by repeatedly locking the door I even destroyed a lock, I constantly unplugged electrical sockets, or I frequently prayed that nothing bad would happen to my loved ones. It stopped around the age of 14, and though I sometimes catch myself still doing those things, it doesn't limit me that much anymore. The only strange things are that I refuse to wear any clothes in which something negative happened to me, or I have to go pee three times before going to sleep just to make sure I won't wet the bed at night.
When I was 18, I got into my very first relationship. After a few months, someone told me that I was just faking my relationship and didn't love my boyfriend (now my ex). That started a constant cycle of severe anxiety and endless googling about what real love looks like, and so on. Later, it turned into an obsession that I was actually a closeted lesbian, or that my boyfriend was a murderer and wanted to kill me. That relationship ended after two years for other reasons, and I’m so glad it did.
Currently, I am in an amazing relationship. In the beginning, it started wonderfully, but even back then I had some doubts (whether he is handsome enough, smart enough, whether I will love him, etc.). Over time, those almost subsided; instead, I started having doubts about whether he loves me, whether he’s cheating on me, and other things, since I’ve been through cheating in the past. We stayed together and have now been together for almost two years, but this June it caught up with me again (there are objectively no flaws in the relationship; he is loving and wonderful).
It started when a thought suddenly popped into my head that I don't care about him. Then I was talking with his friend about breaking up with his girlfriend, who was toxic, and it triggered an extreme wave of anxiety in me that I am just like her and that I don't love him either. The thoughts started looping: am I attracted to him? Do I love him? I constantly checked my feelings, Google, ChatGPT, articles about love, TikTok, 10 signs of ROCD, etc.
It drove me all the way to a psychiatrist who diagnosed GAD and PTSD, saying it’s not OCD—I have a slightly different opinion on that, but I've read that the manifestations of these disorders are quite similar. I've been taking SSRIs for 3 weeks and the change is only minor. There were several really strong urges to break up, feeling like "this isn't it anymore," but I always stayed, believing we can get through this together. The thoughts loop a lot; they even wake me up at night, sometimes I have crying fits, I feel detached and emotionless, constantly overthinking whether I want to text him, go see him, be with him, etc. But I’ve never left. We even managed to go on a wonderful vacation together where I was really very anxious, but he helped me a lot—he is amazing about this.
Now I started CBT therapy, but so far there hasn't been even the slightest improvement. I monitor myself a lot; for example, yesterday I bought him a cheaper lemonade than the one I bought for myself, and a wave of guilt hit me that because I was cheap on him, it means I don't love him. I am already so terribly exhausted by all of this. I would love to look forward to spending time together, planning, and living again, but right now I can only manage to survive. I don't want to leave him; deep down I know that I love him more than anything, but I don't know where the way out is.
I feel emotionally flat right now; I can't get a single emotion out of myself, everything feels like I'm in a movie, and it has also significantly disrupted our sex life. It used to be great, but now we don't have sex because I'm afraid of it. I look for reassurance in tarot cards, for instance, checking if our relationship is meant to be, and seek other forms of reassurance. I often look at our pictures and try to force some positive emotion out of myself, but I remain flat.
Does anyone have a similar experience? Is this GAD or rather ROCD, and did I just get the wrong diagnosis? I would appreciate any answers and experiences. I really don't want this to ruin our relationship.

Hi everyone, I’d like to share my story here. I think I’ve had OCD since childhood; as a kid, I was always afraid our house would burn down or that we’d get robbed—by repeatedly locking the door I even destroyed a lock, I constantly unplugged electrical sockets, or I frequently prayed that nothing bad would happen to my loved ones. It stopped around the age of 14, and though I sometimes catch myself still doing those things, it doesn't limit me that much anymore. The only strange things are that I refuse to wear any clothes in which something negative happened to me, or I have to go pee three times before going to sleep just to make sure I won't wet the bed at night.**
**When I was 18, I got into my very first relationship. After a few months, someone told me that I was just faking my relationship and didn't love my boyfriend (now my ex). That started a constant cycle of severe anxiety and endless googling about what real love looks like, and so on. Later, it turned into an obsession that I was actually a closeted lesbian, or that my boyfriend was a murderer and wanted to kill me. That relationship ended after two years for other reasons, and I’m so glad it did.**
**Currently, I am in an amazing relationship. In the beginning, it started wonderfully, but even back then I had some doubts (whether he is handsome enough, smart enough, whether I will love him, etc.). Over time, those almost subsided; instead, I started having doubts about whether he loves me, whether he’s cheating on me, and other things, since I’ve been through cheating in the past. We stayed together and have now been together for almost two years, but this June it caught up with me again (there are objectively no flaws in the relationship; he is loving and wonderful).**
**It started when a thought suddenly popped into my head that I don't care about him. Then I was talking with his friend about breaking up with his girlfriend, who was toxic, and it triggered an extreme wave of anxiety in me that I am just like her and that I don't love him either. The thoughts started looping: am I attracted to him? Do I love him? I constantly checked my feelings, Google, ChatGPT, articles about love, TikTok, 10 signs of ROCD, etc.**
**It drove me all the way to a psychiatrist who diagnosed GAD and PTSD, saying it’s not OCD—I have a slightly different opinion on that, but I've read that the manifestations of these disorders are quite similar. I've been taking SSRIs for 3 weeks and the change is only minor. There were several really strong urges to break up, feeling like "this isn't it anymore," but I always stayed, believing we can get through this together. The thoughts loop a lot; they even wake me up at night, sometimes I have crying fits, I feel detached and emotionless, constantly overthinking whether I want to text him, go see him, be with him, etc. But I’ve never left. We even managed to go on a wonderful vacation together where I was really very anxious, but he helped me a lot—he is amazing about this.**
**Now I started CBT therapy, but so far there hasn't been even the slightest improvement. I monitor myself a lot; for example, yesterday I bought him a cheaper lemonade than the one I bought for myself, and a wave of guilt hit me that because I was cheap on him, it means I don't love him. I am already so terribly exhausted by all of this. I would love to look forward to spending time together, planning, and living again, but right now I can only manage to survive. I don't want to leave him; deep down I know that I love him more than anything, but I don't know where the way out is.**
**I feel emotionally flat right now; I can't get a single emotion out of myself, everything feels like I'm in a movie, and it has also significantly disrupted our sex life. It used to be great, but now we don't have sex because I'm afraid of it. I look for reassurance in tarot cards, for instance, checking if our relationship is meant to be, and seek other forms of reassurance. I often look at our pictures and try to force some positive emotion out of myself, but I remain flat.**
Does anyone have a similar experience? Is this GAD or rather ROCD, and did I just get the wrong diagnosis? I would appreciate any answers and experiences. I really don't want this to ruin our relationship.

Hi everyone, I’d like to share my story here. I think I’ve had OCD since childhood; as a kid, I was always afraid our house would burn down or that we’d get robbed—by repeatedly locking the door I even destroyed a lock, I constantly unplugged electrical sockets, or I frequently prayed that nothing bad would happen to my loved ones. It stopped around the age of 14, and though I sometimes catch myself still doing those things, it doesn't limit me that much anymore. The only strange things are that I refuse to wear any clothes in which something negative happened to me, or I have to go pee three times before going to sleep just to make sure I won't wet the bed at night.
When I was 18, I got into my very first relationship. After a few months, someone told me that I was just faking my relationship and didn't love my boyfriend (now my ex). That started a constant cycle of severe anxiety and endless googling about what real love looks like, and so on. Later, it turned into an obsession that I was actually a closeted lesbian, or that my boyfriend was a murderer and wanted to kill me. That relationship ended after two years for other reasons, and I’m so glad it did.
Currently, I am in an amazing relationship. In the beginning, it started wonderfully, but even back then I had some doubts (whether he is handsome enough, smart enough, whether I will love him, etc.). Over time, those almost subsided; instead, I started having doubts about whether he loves me, whether he’s cheating on me, and other things, since I’ve been through cheating in the past. We stayed together and have now been together for almost two years, but this June it caught up with me again (there are objectively no flaws in the relationship; he is loving and wonderful).
It started when a thought suddenly popped into my head that I don't care about him. Then I was talking with his friend about breaking up with his girlfriend, who was toxic, and it triggered an extreme wave of anxiety in me that I am just like her and that I don't love him either. The thoughts started looping: am I attracted to him? Do I love him? I constantly checked my feelings, Google, ChatGPT, articles about love, TikTok, 10 signs of ROCD, etc.
It drove me all the way to a psychiatrist who diagnosed GAD and PTSD, saying it’s not OCD—I have a slightly different opinion on that, but I've read that the manifestations of these disorders are quite similar. I've been taking SSRIs for 3 weeks and the change is only minor. There were several really strong urges to break up, feeling like "this isn't it anymore," but I always stayed, believing we can get through this together. The thoughts loop a lot; they even wake me up at night, sometimes I have crying fits, I feel detached and emotionless, constantly overthinking whether I want to text him, go see him, be with him, etc. But I’ve never left. We even managed to go on a wonderful vacation together where I was really very anxious, but he helped me a lot—he is amazing about this.
Now I started CBT therapy, but so far there hasn't been even the slightest improvement. I monitor myself a lot; for example, yesterday I bought him a cheaper lemonade than the one I bought for myself, and a wave of guilt hit me that because I was cheap on him, it means I don't love him. I am already so terribly exhausted by all of this. I would love to look forward to spending time together, planning, and living again, but right now I can only manage to survive. I don't want to leave him; deep down I know that I love him more than anything, but I don't know where the way out is.
I feel emotionally flat right now; I can't get a single emotion out of myself, everything feels like I'm in a movie, and it has also significantly disrupted our sex life. It used to be great, but now we don't have sex because I'm afraid of it. I look for reassurance in tarot cards, for instance, checking if our relationship is meant to be, and seek other forms of reassurance. I often look at our pictures and try to force some positive emotion out of myself, but I remain flat.
Does anyone have a similar experience? Is this GAD or rather ROCD, and did I just get the wrong diagnosis? I would appreciate any answers and experiences. I really don't want this to ruin our relationship.