I drink basically every day and have been smoking weed daily since I was a teenager. I want to be honest and tell them all of my issues but it scares me to death. My alcohol use is a pretty serious threat to my health. I don't want to say "yeah I'm drinking every day" and them provide that information to law enforcement or medical personnel.
I understand that insurance companies make it really difficult for therapist to get paid and have read about the problems it can cause. But are people who can’t afford out of pocket just screwed? I’ve been seen a therapist for 5 years and it costs me $300 for one hour session. I make $300 a week at my job. Half of my yearly salary goes toward therapy. They don’t accept my insurance but are in a super expensive high rise downtown in the city. I have a list of 2-3 people who do take my insurance in my county but the reviews aren’t great and I’m afraid to switch to someone new. I imagine there’s a lot of people like me or who have less money who aren’t able to be in therapy because most places don’t take their insurance.
I went to an ADHD group therapy for 1 year, and it only made me feel even more like an outsider and a loser. I was the only person there who was not able to hold a job due to my severe ADHD symptoms. Everyone else there had jobs, a romantic partner, friends, and children. I was the only one without a job, no partner, no friends, no children. It made me feel like I sucked even by ADHD standards. Whenever I talked about my problems, they looked at me like I was a freak. And in turn, I also couldn't relate to other people's problems there at all, as most of them were related to relationship trouble or trouble with raising the kids, or trouble at work. And of course I don't have any if those... The therapy has ended now and I feel like it was just a waste of my time and energy.
I've been a bad client. I really don't want to say what I've done, in part because I'm afraid of what people here will say. The bottom line is, I know I've done bad. I know I've done wrong. And I can't undo it.
The other day I contacted my therapist and told him that I wanted to quit cold turkey, without any final session. He expressed regret that there wouldn't be a final session, but left the door open for me to change my mind. We talked a little bit, and without pushing me, he convinced me to give our sessions another chance, during which we could discuss the core issue in more detail.
I've been ruminating ever since we concluded the conversation. At first I was thinking about things I really wanted to tell him in our next session, but now I'm considering termination again. I'm so ashamed of myself, and I don't believe in my ability to change. I really just wish I could erase what I've done.
Kind of looking for both advice and support.
I had a very bad transition to grad school and needed to defer. My mother and her boyfriend had been very against it from the beginning, as it was far away. And for months I was told how they would pray I changed my mind. Would tell me how alone and in danger I would be. Once, literally, “Do you want to get raped and murdered?”
They got what they wanted, as I went home because I was worried about hurting myself if I stayed and figured if I hurt myself anyway, at least I would be home. That program was my dream and all I’d ever wanted. I was lucky to get there, but they said my apprehension was a sign it was the wrong decision.
I started therapy last week. I was stupid enough to tell my mother that was where I would be, but she is very nosy and would have pestered me until I told her. Since I currently live with her, she’d have known I was somewhere.
So I went and I asked her not to tell anyone, and explicitly said I didn’t want to discuss it. Of course, she told her boyfriend. She has asked whether her feelings should be hurt, if I was doing this because of her, what she did wrong that I think I need to do this. Now says her boyfriend would like to talk to me, because therapists turn people against their family and away from God, and both of them believe that the only way to be helped is through prayer.
My faith is very important to me. I’m a private person, and I don’t speak about it often unless asked. But I really truly love God. I know I am not the perfect Christian. But I feel like my faith is being weaponized against me. That I am too distrusting and disobedient and weak because I have done this. It’s making it very difficult for me to want to go back, even though I liked him.
It makes my heart melt 🥹❤️
I know it never hurts to ask. Worse that happens is that he doesn't have a time and we just meet at our usual time. I just always so bad for asking.
My two best friends split up. One of them told me, and I reached out to the other one because I didn't want them to feel alone. But instead they said they felt hurt that I was told, and felt alone and abandoned. And now I feel hurt because I just reached out because I care about them? To be clear, I understand wanting alone time and wasn't forcing them at all! Their response just hurt for some reason, probably partly because I'm scared that I'm going to lose both of them as friends. I don't really have anyone else in my life I am this close with.
I know this isn't about me, but I'm just struggling. It's been a hard month, and now this on top of everything. I've been struggling with bad SI and this just kind of made me crash. I'm just tired and feel alone. But, ugh. I feel bad about asking my therapist when it's something "small" like this.
My friend who i will not name took his life about a week ago he was one of my closest friends and i use to be able to talk about anything with him and now he’s gone. i feel like now that he’s gone i don’t have friend who i can talk about that stuff with. I loved him so much he was more than a friend i would consider him a brother to me he always gave me good advice and meant so much to me and now he’s gone. i try to look back at alll the good memories we had but i cant without crying and thinking about him i feel selfish for coming here to talk because i feel like whatever he was going through must of been a lot worse but i just wish he wast still here and i feel like i have nothing left i go to school and work i dont hangout with friends and i dont wanna make any new friends out of fear of losing more i miss him very much and wish he would’ve texted me but i just cant wrap my head around it and feel like there’s nothing left for me
I really want to share with them, but I don't think I can talk about the specifics yet. I'm so scared to for a few reasons.
Is it okay to say I have something we should talk about, but I don't know where to start and I don't want to get into specifics? I'm honestly also scared if I say the subject that he will guess and then I will have to tell him, and I just am not ready for that.
I don't want to hold this alone anymore, but I think about saying anything and what that might mean and I begin to panic. How do I know when/if I should tell him the details, or if it's okay to just discuss it in broad terms?
I (M27) noticed that my first appointment with my current therapist was 7 years ago. I feel terrible and ashamed. At the end of 2022 after 3 years of therpay I have progressed a lot and I honestly thought that I will no longer need therapy. I thought that finally at 23 I could start living norma life like other people do. It worked for like 6 months. I was honestly very happy.
And then, I don't know, something happenned. My brain switched and since then I was unable to do anything. Like, I feel like I did 0 progress over past 3 and half years and I am just wasting my life away. And I think I do have a good therapist, he is supportive, listens to me, and quite often even approves and challenges my views in a way I would have never expected and it's genuinely helpful. But, I feel stuck. I don't want to share the details right now but when I saw that I have been going to therapy for 7 years now, I almost broke down.
Do I apologize?
Here is from her email:
“My scaling back in any way is a function of ME acknowledging my own limitations and desire to take care of my health in ways that don't leave me continually worrying about clients and their safety at night and on weekends. Stress impacts several of my medical conditions and I have to minimize it. Not knowing if you are going to hurt yourself or try to die in between so many of our sessions (not just this past 6 weeks) has been very scary and hard for me. Your depression is profound and chronic. I need to live not worrying about my clients too.”
31 F. I had therapy right now and I’m closed off and quiet and scared so it’s scary for me to talk sometimes. Today was one of those times. We started talking and I guess I wasn’t saying much (which is true yes) and then my therapist said “you’re wasting both our times and you’re making my job harder and it’s like pulling teeth”. Then we had 30 min left and she said do you want to end it cause I have nothing else to say because I did all the talking already. And I’m like okay and left. Now I can’t stop crying. I really need advice because I don’t think she ever wants to see me again. I feel like trash truly like dirt that just got thrown out.
I was talking to my older family members and it seems like it was normal for that to be a thing back in the day. Is that still a thing now n days? I would imagine it would be very dangerous for the therapist especially with clients with transference.
What about when a therapist retires but still wants to do therapy part time and not have an office space or do online? Is in home therapy ethical anymore?
My therapist asked me a question and I gave a light hearted answer to steer the conversation away. Really it’s a sensitive topic for me with a lot of anxiety linked to it. I have a good relationship with my therapist and trust him. I didn’t think about it, just came out with the ‘lie’. I want to eventually discuss this topic but didn’t want to in that session. Have I damaged the trust here? Should I bring this up in my next appointment?
So I have seen this therapist for a very long time (5+ years) and have a massive fear that this would lead to the relationship being ruined and therapy being terminated. Maybe someone can assure me that it does not mean that will happen or tell me to avoid it all together.
I am 28F and my therapist is 44M. We have a good relationship and I feel comfortable telling him most things and have worked through quite a lot with him. He has definitely seen me ugly cry and got me to break through things that were really hard and topics I would generally avoid, so that has been helpful. We also joke around a lot too and have casual conversations so it’s not always so heavy.
A topic that comes up quite a bit though is my need for validation, specifically with men and specifically related to them being attracted to me. I just like to know. Sometimes with a guy I feel like flirting isn’t enough, I need them to spell out they want to sleep with me. Even things like messaging guys back on social media and things like that. I’m not interested in these guys, but I like to hear from them that they are interested in me. Or things like flirting with a coworker or boss. We have often talked about why I feel the need to seek this validation. Again, I often don’t want to sleep with these people, but I like hearing that they want to with me. It’s a curiosity and a validation thing I guess.
I think you can see where this is going…
So would I ruin my whole therapeutic relationship by bringing up this elephant in the room that anytime I have a man in my life that gives me attention, I need to know if they would want to sleep with me and he is in fact a man in my life that gives me attention? I just feel like it’s such an obvious thing that it almost feels like I’ve avoided saying it to preserve the relationship, but would saying this ruin it? I don’t want to terminate our therapy and I also don’t feel strong attraction toward him. It’s more so just the validation and curiosity. The only thing is I fear there is no answer he can give that ends well.
Please advise.
For context im 16 im a boy and ive been seeing this therapist for about three months, hes about probably late 30s. Anyway in our last session i mentioned how i was sa for years by my uncle and how ive never told anyone i knew that this happened to me and it got very weirdly tense, he started asking what he did to me and stuff. And i did some research beforehand that said that the therapist has to tell your parents if your in danger and they have to legally and stuff so i was kinda guarded mentioning it in the first place. In that session i asked for him not to tell my parents, and he said he wouldn’t, which i was happy about because it was a lot of anxiety weighing on me.
But anyway he continued asking me what my uncle did to me, where he touched, and how often he would do that. I eventually asked him to stop asking those questions and the part that made me want to make this post in the first place is he said that in order to like know if im not in immediate danger i have to explain what happened so that he wont have to tell my parents so i have to like tell him what happened so he knows if im in immediate danger or not.
I understood what he was saying so i told him, making sure to say how long ago it was, but it didnt seem like that was the parts he wanted hear because every time i talked about that he would tell me to move on from that and explain more about what psychically happened to me. In detail that made me really uncomfortable. After the session i felt icky i felt more disgusted with myself but he told me that he wont say anything to my parents so im glad but i still just feel wrong like i said too much and now i cant take it back. Im seeing him again on Tuesday and i just dont want a repeat of what happened yesterday.
My therapist makes seemingly comparative comments sometimes. I can't tell if it comes from a place of rapport building or oneupmanship. Examples:
I'm a doctor. His son is in 7th grade. He will often rattle off the advanced classes his son is taking and his grades, and ask if it's enough for him to become a doctor when he grows up. He didn't know this until recently but I was neglected and had no schooling in 7th grade so this is especially painful.
Due to the neglect I was briefly living with my swim coach. I was talking about how I'd swim 3 hours a day trying to get an opportunity to live with him. My therapist goes, "yeah, swimming requires a lot of training. I swam 5 hours a day as a child." It was weird and out of place.
Thoughts?
I have been working with my therapist for 8 months and have developed strong maternal transference due to severe childhood emotional neglect from my mom. Overall, she is incredibly warm, deeply empathetic, and well-meaning, and she has helped me a lot. However, a major shift happened a few sessions ago when I finally gathered the courage to open up to her about how much I think about her, how badly I want to write to her outside of session, how much I long to hug her and how much shame i feel around this.
This disclosure made her very teary-eyed. I expressed my deep sadness that she can never truly be my mom and that this relationship will eventually have to end. She told me our relationship doesn't have to end, that it will still exist and we can always communicate if i want to. She said she wanted me to experience things "in the playground." Right after this conversation, our professional boundaries became very loose and porous. She started telling me to text her anytime when i feel these longing aches or difficult emotions, meeting outside for walks and hugging me. She frequently gets teary-eyed during my stories, which initially felt deeply validating. But while those hugs and meetings feel very good in the moment, I feel a constant sense of impending doom. I feel like this real-world care is only a temporary painkiller, and when it inevitably ends, the rupture is going to hurt so much more. I go through these strong waves of emotional shifts that first feel like i’m high from love and care and then it shifts to grief and deep pain.
Despite this deep longing, I have never actually cried around her. Even after 8 months, my body's involuntary response to vulnerability in the room is always to shake, laugh, or completely dissociate. I just cannot let my guard down enough to weep in front of her. Instead, I go through these deep, aching longings in my chest and intense, solitary crying sessions at home where it feels like the tears will never stop.
Last week, I entered the session feeling great and full of energy. During the hour, I brought up how triggered and sad I was by a recent event involving discrimination and systemic hate. My therapist got visibly irritated, used an authoritative tone, and ordered me to "calm down." This comment made me freeze, especially because she had made a similar biased comment during one of our recent walks outside.
Right after that, when I mentioned that I wish I had been more of a "fighter" in life to let things out, to be more angry like she told me she was, she completely lost her professional role and dropped a massive personal trauma. She quickly, flatly shared a graphic and violent story from her childhood involving severe abuse and a weapon. (basically saying that i shouldn’t wish that, because that took her being exposed to a lot of physical violence)
I instantly went numb, my mind blanked, and I completely dissociated for the remaining 30 minutes of the session, unable to form new thoughts. It was very distressing because i couldn’t just snap my fingers and get out of it. When I spoke up and told her I "just went somewhere," she looked concerned, asked if the story was "too hard to follow," and told me, "Well now, don't run away, let's stay here." Everything after that is a blur.
Since then, she has checked in over text, but her tone flipped to being cold and mechanical, asking for physical tracking checklists ("pulse? breathing? tension?"). When I replied that my heart was aching hard like someone stepped on it and my stomach was flaring up from stress, she suggested I go to a doctor for a battery of physical tests to rule out medical issues (even though I told her I have a clear medical history and doctors cleared me recently). Her final response to my vulnerable text about my physical pain was just reacting to it with a single shocked emoji. I felt angry that i even wrote her like she asked, because it left me feeling worse.
I am cycling rapidly between deep longing, intense guilt (feeling like I couldn’t hear her out, unable to empathise without collapsing), and sharp anger/hatred at her sudden coldness and avoidance. I am devastated because I realized I truly believed the fantasy that she would be a permanent maternal figure in my life. Now, I feel like I am the one who has to control things.
I don't want to terminate therapy because I care about her deeply and she has been a source of genuine warmth, but I am deeply confused. Is this normal? How do I navigate this?
It's really hard for me to "process trauma" when I don't want to process it. I don't want to move on yet and get over it.
I want to be upset and not have anybody be angry at me for being upset for literally five minutes.
But no, Because in therapy, I need to always be working and getting through things. And I just don't see how I can ever process it if I wasn't allowed to feel it in the first place.