r/TalkTherapy

Been in therapy on and off for several years. Overall it feels like a waste of time. I don’t think I’ve ever had a meaningful experience and every time I leave I think “well that was a waste.“ Is therapy just not a thing for me?

Hi, I've just had an odd experience and I found this place in hopes that someone can help me understand the logic behind this exercise.

I've recently contacted my insurance with a request for therapy as lately I have started feeling very 'end of the line' regarding the amount of stress at my job. For context, I have worked here for 5 years and we average 2 rounds of mass layoffs as well as 2 re-orgs (this time we had 3 in 6 months yay!) a year. I have started feeling like I am genuinely losing my mind and that my body is literally shutting down ('I am dying').

So I get an appointment with this therapist and in the second session he wants to do this 're-framing' sort of exercise where we try to find 'alternative thoughts' for 'negative thoughts', but I genuinely couldn't think of anything positive about the situation. I am in danger of losing my job constantly, I haven't been able to find a new one despite looking for so long etc...

I was asked for example 'ok, if your friends who cared about you, heard you talk about this situation, what would they say?' "well, they would say it sucks, probably say that the people running this company have no idea what they're doing, and that would be that'. Unfortunately this was not considered a 'positive thought'.

'you have unemployment insurance so if you get fired you will have support then, correct?', 'yeah, but I won't have a job...'

'ok, you say that you can survive off your savings for 2 years if you're fired, that must be positive correct?', 'no, that's probably the worst case scenario, it doesn't get more negative than that'. (literally my worst fear right now, it implies that I wouldn't be able to find a job for 3 years).

So in the end the entire session was spent trying to find 'a positive thought' related to unstable job situation.

I genuinely cannot see any positives in this situation (the current job market, the constant change and threats at work, the isolation at the job, etc..), should there be? At this point I'm thinking I am the problem, I genuinely have no idea what he was asking for from me?

If you've done this before, what was I supposed to say? Do you guys have any examples?

(it doesn't really matter anymore as he's going on vacation and I was advised to find a new therapist who works through summer but now I am extremely curious).

Hi there! After having, for many years, CBT therapy, I decided I needed a change, as the same fears keep coming up.

I just had a first (online, as I have recently moved countries and wanted to use my mother tongue) meeting with a therapist that uses relational psychoanalysis and I am a little flabbergasted.

It was like he was staring into my soul. He asked me things like what I do, how my relationship with some people is, what goals I would set for therapy (which ok is normal) in a very neutral, quiet tone, waiting for me to say more and when I didn't he moved on with the next question (leaving a big quiet gap in-between) continuing with staring into my soul.

At the end he explained to me that this approach is not directional and that if we continue, we will explore a lot of the relationship between us, as I may transfer motives etc. to him.

I have booked a second session to give this a chance, but I have to say I feel.. exposed? Maybe rejected?

Psychoanalysts may say that is a good material to work on, but I would like to know if this distance is normal and if others may have had similar experiences. And what I should expect maybe.

It is, to be fair, a relational approach, so how does it work with this poker face and tone? Will this relationship evolve if we continue, or is he just strange?

P.S: he asked me how this approach seems to me and when I answered "different", he continued asking me (always with the same face/tone) how I mean that, how previous therapies were etc.

Hi everyone,

So, I overdosed on sleeping pills last Wednesday morning and practically slept until early Friday morning. I felt unwell for the remainder of that day but recovered relatively quickly. I just wanted to sleep, but I wouldn't have been too bothered if I didn't wake up.

I just don't know if I should tell my therapist about it tomorrow. He already knows I'm actively suicidal and I did spend two weeks in a psychiatric hospital a month ago.

I'm mainly worried that he may leave me or refer me out if he found out I went ahead with an actual attempt.

Hi all, I have recently been through a breakup and it was my first relationship. I decided to seek therapy as the relationship had some emotional abuse especially near the end of the relationship where my ex made comments about wanting to come to somewhere near my workplace and end her life (i’m working as a first responder).

Initially before my ex and I broke up, she found this therapist A and made us go couples counselling with therapist A. I did benefit quite a bit from the session, and requested for therapist A’s contact as I wanted to work on myself. My relationship took a turn for the worse and my ex subsequently called me “fucking liar” and “performative bitch” + sent me a suicide message hinting that she might attempt suicide and I could not stand for that hence broke up with my ex. Subsequently, I decided to see therapist A for individual counselling.

The first individual session (physically held on a saturday afternoon) with therapist A was quite okay though she didn’t do what therapist usually do during intake sessions (my guess is to ask about my goals, a broad overview of my personal history etc) and just asked me what I wanted to talk about and I mainly talked about what happened between from the couples therapy till the suicide attempt. I understand that it was my first session, she let me leave with the thought that nothing was fixed and I could choose not to continue if I didn’t feel safe or comfortable. However, when I tried to schedule a next session on saturday evening itself for next saturday, she told me her available slots and I gave her the one that was my preferred timing. until now (monday 3:30pm at the timing of this post), she has not made a follow up on it and i’m wondering if i should send a message asking for confirmation (I don’t wish to seem pushy or cross her boundaries) or it’s just a lack of professionalism (?) and that she might not be a good fit (?)

I do feel I have things to talk about but might need some help in leading the conversation as I am worried that I run out of things to say or keep repeating myself. I also do recognise I tend to overworry / overthink things and can’t really trust my own judgement due to what I have experienced in my relationship so I do believe I need therapy. But I’m not sure if I can trust my judgement of this therapist. Do advice, thank you!

Long story short, my husband and I are in couples therapy. A big part of the issues in our marriage has become political differences. I am struggling to separate my husband from the people he has supported in the past due to my own past trauma (I have been SA'd). In a most recent session, a few things happened with our therapist:

- She gave an example that if someone was a rapist but had good economic policy versus someone who was not a rapist but had bad economic policy, then the rapist is a better choice for a leader. Hence, I shouldn't hold my husband accountable for picking and choosing what he likes about a person. (We are not from the USA. This is not about the politicians there.)

- When I said I worry about future conversations and discourse, she said that is not normal.

- At the end, she made a comment that I might be on the spectrum (I am not; I do have OCD, though, and have been diagnosed many years ago) due to my rigidity in the therapy sessions.

I am not sure how to feel about all of this, cause she knows I am a rape victim, and it feels kinda strange for a therapist to be saying all that? I'm not sure if it's just tough love and I am overreacting, or if I should request to switch therapists?

I’m on my third therapist right now and I have decided to stop going to this one. It seems like every time I talk to a therapist and vent about my issues, I feel like every single aspect of my behavior and personality is being criticized to an unfair and extreme degree. I never feel better after a session because I don’t like how I am talked to by them so I always leave in a worse mood than when I walked in there. The whole point of therapy is to feel better about yourself I thought. So how is someone I don’t even know being hyper critical of me supposed to help me out? I don’t like feeling bad about myself and I go to therapy specifically to not feel that way. So why is it that I always get therapists that seem destined to make me feel that way? Is this common for people trying to go to therapists or do I just have terrible luck?

Hii, I have never had a therapist before (longer then like 3 sessions). I decided to see a male therapist as I am trying to get over my discomfort around them. I haven’t gone through assault or anything just to clarify but have avoided men my whole life due to being that scared. I told him about that during my first session.

But my last session with him we where having a conversation, when I said about my sibling hating that I was born and I said I think it may be because of my sibling wanting all attention from family. He said “Is that the only reason you can think?” I said yea and he paused. The only thing that really makes me feel off is during the pause I felt the same kind of discomfort from men that I usually feel but haven’t with him until now. I remember thinking surely he’s not about to say what I think he is. (He did)

He said “I can think of a reason” “I think because your conventionally attractive” when I said that I wish it was any other reason because u cant change your looks he said “Yea we can’t help winning the genetic lottery.” And I feel like he didn’t really validate what I said.

I could be completely wrong in reading this weird, I don’t think he meant it in a weird way but now I am overthinking.

This is somewhat a vent, as I feel really awful when I think about these things. I feel like I'm not HoneyTreeFlower anymore. Now I'm HoneyTreeFlower with ADHD.

I don't doubt the person who had told me I probably have mild ADHD. She's a leading expert and more than qualified and experienced when it comes to ADHD.

But it still doesn't make sense to me. Some parts do, but the very subtle ones. Not the typical things you're told of ADHD, like time blindness, losing things, sensory issues.

I feel utterly fucked up, as I'm left with the rejection sensitivity which means all this time I've felt misunderstood and thought people could treat me better than they do is fake. The problem has always been me, not how the world treats me. And even being sad about it isn't objectively valid, because that's probably an exaggerated feeling as well.

In other words, I am really just a flawed person who probably shouldn't have happened in the first place. I'm literally underdeveloped.

I feel so miserable. I get through the day by not thinking about it. Every time I remember, I remember how fucked up I am. And no amount of positive thinking can change that. A car with an engine piece that makes the engine run incorrectly isn't a functional car. You can't say it works, there's something wrong with it and it needs to be addressed.

I don't even know how to talk to my therapist about this, because what's the point? I'll still have ADHD, still be fucked up. Before I could hope that maybe there isn't anything wrong with me but now I know there is. I am different and weird and fucked up.

I feel like giving up therapy. What's the point anymore? I'm not fixable.

I've been told I don't need stimulants. I did well in university, parts of high-school as well. I don't lose things. 32F. Found out three months ago. I wouldn't have thought this about myself.

I have had my current therapist for 3+ years. I have been in and out of therapy for almost 6 years. Before my current therapist, the therapist I've had for the longest duration was 16 months.

Anyway my current therapist:

1. Showed me what it is like to be cared for

2. Repeatedly had a stable presence

3. Enabled me to cry for the first time in front of her after 2+ years and normalised it and now I have the ability to cry again after losing it

4. Helped me make sense of my trauma

5. Stayed by my side while I've went through many traumatic situations and seen me through these situations

6. Never gotten angry with me

7. Has safely worked through any "ruptures" with me

8. Helped me form a secure attachment to her

9. Helped me build a life

I adore her. The problem is that I get quite clingy sometimes and v attached. When I was younger, I always attached to random adults and they were unsafe attachments. I finally found someone safe so I don't experience that longingness to form an intense attachment to anyone else anymore.

I more want to be able to internalise the safety and then eventually move on.

My therapist is in her 60s and has health issues and says she can't be as reliable as she used to be and might retire soon. The uncertainty is scaring me. I'm also scared that it might end in a traumatic way.

I find often the buildup is worse than the actual goodbye.

I'm also unsure how long it could be that is left. It could be up to 2 years and my therapist has no idea and that's what scares me. I don't blame her at all and it is ok that she doesn't know but I don't feel secure within myself as she is my source of safety.

I also constantly have this longing for something more. Our bond has been very strong. I don't know where I'm going with this, I guess just a vent.

She suggested I might want to move to a therapist who is younger and closer in distance to me (because my current one is over an hour away from me by public transport) and I was in pieces. I don't want another therapist because therapy is intense. I want to finish our work and maybe never go back to therapy but then I don't know. My issue is just the whole attachment stuff but then maybe if I internalise it I might not do it again.

I don't know what I want. Therapy costs money and I'm fortunate to have very low cost therapy. I don't know what is going on in general. Ugh idk. Pls don't be mean to be in the comments. It is not her fault or anything I just have anxiety.

Hi everyone,

Just wondering if anyone plans on what they want to talk about each session, or do you just speak in the moment?

I always have ideas on what I want to talk about but struggle with picking up the courage to bring certain matters up.

I’m a woman in my early 20s, and my therapist is a man about 10 years older than me. In sessions, I sometimes act overly cute/childlike around him, and I feel really embarrassed afterward. Is this something therapists commonly experience with younger female clients? And how is it usually understood—would it be considered transference or something that isn’t judged?

Hi i have my first therapy session tomorrow

im going through a lot, and i have many thoughts of hurting myself

but i have no intention to go through them. i have ocd so i kinda blame it on that, but recently i have been going through grief and depression as well which has led to me having constant thoughts

i don’t want to do anything to myself, but im scared in confiding in my therapist about the thoughts i do have in case they call the police or ambulance. am i safe to tell him or should i refrain?

edit: im serious about not doing anything to myself. i wont. i will never. it’s just i have thoughts of it.

Had anxiety my whole life. Ebbs and flows. I have been suffering from an extreme anxiety spike the last few months. Been trying all the usual, breathing, meditation, CBT techniques, but it has been a nightmare. T disclosed that they also have anxiety, and they need benzos to deal. If the techniques they are trying to teach me don't work for them, how can I ever expect them to work for me?

TW: SA

I found out my therapist is homophobic.I told her I was SA and I talked abt my fear that it will happen again.I am scared a woman will hurt me again.I am bisexual - I never told her , but after I told her about my fear - she told me if it will happen again I should tell that woman I am attracted to men.( she never asked what sexuality I have) .And it doesn't even work like that!! She told how that abuser was a lesbian and that the world has gone mad.And it may be true ..but predators do things just to feel power..is not always abt attraction( is sick).She talked like lesbians can't control themselves and how they are abusers , pre\*ators.And she told me how I can have some se\*ual impulses( I think she meant attraction to womwn ) 🫩

I think is very bad.I can't belive that in 2026 a therapist can say things like this .Plus that she asked questions abt my assault and she saw me I was defensive and continued.She talked like she knew better what happened than me.Should I report her??

I feel so gross and disgusted and confused

I am scared I am bi just because I was SA by a woman.

ist there any context where it would be okay for a therapist to tell a patient that hearing about their SA turns them on?

i just feel so weird about it, and like i can't really be mad about it because him saying that instantly turned me on. i feel so fucked up for that.

i know in my head that it is bad, especially because it wasn't the first time he said inappropriate things, just one of the worst things he's said. but i just feel nothing about it or turned on. the only way i know it's fucking me up is that i can't stop thinking about it.

it's so weird. he's so empathetic, gets tears in his eyes sometimes, gives me coffee, and a blanket, makes me feel like i am important. but then whenever i talk about anything remotely sexual, he gets these inappropriate outbursts like he can't help himself.

i don't want him to be abusive. i don't want to lose him and be without a therapist. he literally let me jump the waiting list, and i was so lucky for that.

I started writing about my therapy session afterwards after reading about it on here . I find it quite helpful
I am in the uk - it’s not a term used here .

Based on I find this helpful what else do you write about that you find helpful ?

Weird question I know but - how have you navigated therapists seeing self harm scars?

For years I’ve covered up self harm scars on my arms. And I’ve spoken extensively to my therapist about my shame around these scars and how I don’t swim with friends/ don’t date because of the shame.
It was a goal that seemed impossible to be able to wear short sleeves in the summer.

Suddenly out of nowhere I’ve started wearing short sleeves. None of my friends have said a thing or reacted weirdly. No one in public stares. It’s been a non event.

I was going to wear short sleeves to my next appointment but know my therapist will notice and she’s never seen my arms before… I want to be able to celebrate it but also don’t want it to be “a thing” because it’s been so nice not having anyone comment on it.