u/Remarkable-Pen-5184

I’m in total panic because I’ve just realized that my therapist of four years is spending her holidays at the same resort as me.

I’m here with my husband, and she’s here with a lot of her family, including her husband and baby son. We’re both going to be here for a while, so I’m not sure how to handle the possibility of running into each other.

Our therapeutic relationship is quite warm and close. She’s always been very warm towards me. When she got pregnant, she told me, and I gave her a little gift for her son; she gave me a big hug in return. We usually greet each other with two kisses before sessions, and we often end sessions with a hug. In the last session I told her I was pregnant and she was really happy for me and we hugged again!

She once told me that there are patients who really leave a mark on therapists, and that I’m one of those patients. I think the fact that I’m a doctor (I’m a family physician) may also contribute to the closeness of our relationship, since we’re both healthcare professionals. There’s a lot of mutual admiration and respect, and I genuinely care about her as a person.

So now I have absolutely no idea how to behave if I see her outside the therapy setting.
Should I just say hi and act normally? A quick “Hi, nice to see you!” and move on? Should I wait for her to acknowledge me first? Or should I avoid her completely and try to pretend I haven’t seen her?

I know the professional boundaries are different outside the office, but because our relationship is warmer, this feels incredibly awkward to me. I don’t want to embarrass her or to make her feel uncomfortable. 

Can you please tell me what to do? Can I please get an honest opinion from other therapists ?

Edit: to the one wonder about the “kisses” greeting. We are Latinos. We greet each other with 2 kisses. I also do that with my long term patients in my clinic. It’s not “too much”, it’s just the way we greet each other, even when you don’t know the person too well. We can also shake hands, but that is very rare in our culture, only when you want to keep lots of distance.

I’ve been seeing my therapist for about four years, and I’ve developed what feels like an unusually strong attachment to her. I’m aware that attachment and transference are a normal part of therapy, but I still struggle with how intensely I idealize her.

In my mind, she is often the most perfect person I know. I think about her quite a lot between sessions, and sometimes I find myself worrying about saying something that might disappoint her or make her think differently of me. Before appointments, I can get extremely anxious while sitting in the waiting room, almost as if I’m about to meet someone whose opinion of me matters enormously.

What makes this feel particularly strange to me is that, objectively, my life is very full and stable. I’m a doctor, I’m married, I have lots of friends, a very happy social life, and I function well professionally and personally. I’m not generally someone who lacks relationships or social support.

The main issues I’m actually trying to work on in therapy are my need to please people and my excessively perfectionistic tendencies, particularly at work. And yet I’ve developed this very strong emotional attachment to my therapist, to the point where I sometimes feel like I need to be a “good patient” too.

I understand intellectually that she is a human being, that I’m probably idealizing certain qualities in her, and that this relationship is taking place within a very specific therapeutic context. But knowing that intellectually doesn’t seem to make the feelings disappear.

For those who have experienced something similar: what actually helped you stop idealizing your therapist or make the attachment feel less overwhelming? Did it simply lessen with time, or did you have to actively work on it?

I’m curious to hear from men about this.

What do you think about a girl who is more of a tomboy — she loves sports, doesn’t really enjoy dressing up or looking like a “doll,” prefers wearing little or no makeup, and would rather carry a backpack than an expensive handbag?

Does that make her less attractive to you, or do you actually find that kind of personality/style attractive?
And if you are attracted to more traditionally feminine women, would a girl like this still catch your attention romantically?

I’m genuinely interested in hearing honest opinions, not just the politically correct answer. Do men see this as a positive, neutral, or negative trait when it comes to dating?

I've been seeing the same therapist for the past four years, and she's been amazing. For context, I'm a 31-year-old woman, currently pregnant, and a family medicine doctor. I recently finished my residency, and she's helped me through some family issues, but mostly with my difficulty setting boundaries at work and with my patients.

I tend to burn out easily because I work 60+ hours a week, and I find it very hard to deal with rude or demanding patients (I work in the public healthcare system).

She's been incredible. She's wise, assertive, and genuinely insightful. I've made enormous changes in my life because of her, and I'm deeply grateful.
I've also become quite attached to my therapist. In the past, we've hugged after some important milestones. She had a baby last year, and when she returned from maternity leave, I brought her a small gift. She gave me a very warm, sincere hug. The same happened when she found out I was pregnant.

I'm sharing all of this because I'm starting to wonder whether she likes me as a person, and whether that sometimes gets in the way of the therapeutic relationship. I can tell that when I'm telling her about something I think I did wrong, she often reassures me that I'm a good person and says she can't imagine me being mean or harsh toward anyone.
Of course, that's comforting to hear. But sometimes I worry that we've become a little too attached, and that she may not always be giving me the full clinical truth because there's genuine affection between us. I sometimes think she could be tougher on me, if that makes sense.

There are moments when I'm talking about something, and I notice this look of affection or admiration on her face. It makes me feel seen and appreciated, which is a wonderful feeling because I really like and respect her. But at the same time, I wonder whether that's really what therapy is supposed to be like.

What do you think? Does anybody relate to this? Have experienced something similar? Thank you in advance!

Hello everyone!

I've been seeing my therapist for about four years now, and she's honestly been amazing. She's helped me make huge improvements in both my personal and professional life, and I'm incredibly grateful for everything she's done.

One thing I've struggled with throughout therapy is that I'm a huge people pleaser. I often catch myself wanting her to like me or approve of me, and I know that kind of gets in the way of what therapy is actually supposed to be about.

What really confuses me, though, is how I feel before every single session.

At this point, I see her every 3–4 weeks. But every time I'm sitting outside her office waiting, my body completely freaks out. My heart starts racing, I feel nauseous, I'm hyper-aware of how I look, and I just feel this overwhelming sense of anxiety. It usually lasts for the first five minutes of the session, and then it gradually settles down.

The strange thing is that this happens before every appointment. I honestly thought it would get better over time, but it hasn't.

Part of me feels this intense need to be her "favorite" client, which I know is probably connected to my lifelong need to be liked and accepted by everyone.

I don't understand why this keeps happening. I'm happily married, currently pregnant and very excited about it, have wonderful friendships, and I genuinely feel very fulfilled in my relationships. That's why I'm so confused about why this keeps happening.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Or does anyone have any idea what might be going on?

Médica de família em burnout no SNS. Alguém conhece/aconselha alguma carreira alternativa para médicos? Sinto que a nossa formação é tão especializada e afunilada que chegamos ao fim da nossa especialidade e “só sabemos ser médicos”. Alguém tem alguma experiência em carreiras alternativas? Sabem por onde começar?