r/AskMenRelationships

I'm 27F, and I'm looking for advice from the men here.

A few months ago, I met a guy while he was on holiday in my town. He lives in another country, and we spent almost a month together. It was honestly amazing. The chemistry felt real, we had a great time, and before he left, he said he wanted to stay in touch.

We still talk, usually about once a week, but if I'm being honest, I'm the one who initiates most of the conversations.

Here's the thing: I'm not someone who chases men or forces things. I have a full life. I work full-time, have hobbies, and I'm building a small business. But I also don't believe every good thing in life is supposed to just happen. If I want to build a business or get fit, I put in the work. So I wonder whether relationships are any different.

From a man's perspective, what kind of effort from a woman is attractive, and what starts to feel like chasing? Is there anything a woman can genuinely do to help a relationship grow without looking desperate or sacrificing her self-respect, especially when distance is involved? Or is matching his level of effort always the right approach?

I'm looking for practical advice, not just "if he wanted to, he would."

I have seen how men desire beautiful Asian women and I wish I was desired like that… it feels like every guy wants an Asian woman and it makes me feel less attractive. I see this around me too like a huge huge number of white men with Asian women, especially in the younger generation. And then there is online research to show Asian women are more desirable on dating apps and perceived as more feminine facially. It feels like they have monopoly over male attraction and I just want to be number one for a guy I find attractive.

Do men find women with masculine personality and hobbies attractive? I was always insecure about it, despite my feminine appearance I am fond of fishing, hiking, videogames, metal and rock music. I also choose thrillers and actions over rom-com movies. I'm not quite emotional, though I can be aggressive when something goes wrong, I rely on rationality rather than feelings. The thoughts about ending up alone make me stressed or depressed sometimes, however I try not to overthink it and enjoy my solitude

P.S I'm not trying to get male attention or act like a pick me. I just want to hear honest opinion

Hi ! I (F) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for more than a year now. I'm a big believer in more traditional dynamics in a couple, and that a woman shouldn't handle a debate in the same way as a man in a relationship. I spent my life not debating, since debating would cause huge arguments with yelling and insults involved. I can't take my mom/stepmom/another close female figure as an example (since they would handle debates really pourly in any way or form). If you think that women should handle debates in the same way as a man in a couple it's fine, but I really want advice from men who have the same view concerning the traditional aspect of the post. If you have any questions don't hesitate. I feel like my question isn't precise enough. And sorry for my English, it's not my first language.

Have a nice day/evening !

I(F18) just had an abrupt end to a talking stage with a guy(M21) that I’ve really grown to like due one statement. We’ve already had plenty of convos beforehand since I was more on the gen-z side of things while he was more old timey and never really was the type to be on the phone much. With that being said a lot of the jokes I’d make or the sarcasm I’d throw out either over text or on the phone would either go over his head or head he’d take it the wrong way.

Due to the convos and reassurance I ended up getting more comfortable until one statement ended it all. On the day we were supposed to go out on a date, he stood me up and ignored my texts for hours because before we were suspended to go out, my cycle came on and I stupidly said “I wish I was a man they have it so easily.” In hopes that he’d joke back but he took it really seriously. It wasn’t my intent to sound tone deaf or self absorbed but now I’m realizing it did. After I got back home I was pretty angry that I got stood up without any explanation at all and tried to get some closure. After hours of not getting a response he said something and everything went downhill after that. Emotions were high on both ends and we exchanged some harsh words to each other which I regret now. It’s been two days later and I’ve unblocked him but am second guessing if I should even try speaking to him again.

It’s been on my mind a lot lately and I really want to apologize since that was not my character at all and I wouldn’t want anyone to see me as angry no matter who or what happened. I’ve been hesitant to send it because he’s probably already moved on, found someone new, or wouldn’t want to hear from me again. Would you be angry if someone tried to apologize this late?

And as much as I wanted us to continue talking, my purpose for apologizing isn’t to try to squeeze my way back in. I was considering blocking him again after I apologize so that he doesn’t get mad or think I’m trying to desperately get in. What should I do or not do? And how would you take this?

For context, I’m 25F, boyfriend is 28M. We’ve been together over a year but don’t live together. He’s had the condom box in there since before we even started dating. I found them in his wardrobe while cleaning one time and the box was still sealed.

We’ve both been on the same page that we’re waiting until marriage to have intercourse because I’m still a virgin. He is not. We still fool around sometimes but have not crossed that line and know we won’t be until marriage. He’s planning to propose to me in the next 6-9 months.

Yesterday morning though, I was putting away a pair of his socks in his sock drawer and noticed that he’d opened the box that’s been closed for over a year. Three strips of two were still in the closed box. Two strips of two were laid out on top of his socks. This is a 10 pack box.

He never uses condoms for masturbation, and that box has sat untouched for well over a year. He also had already had some loose ones in a small bowl on his nightstand from his previous relationship, so why open fresh ones? All condoms mentioned don’t expire for another year or so and all are the same type/brand, FYI.

What does this all mean? Is he planning to cheat?

TL;DR: bf of over a year suddenly opened a box of condoms that’s been sealed in his dresser since before me. Two strips are laid out on top of his socks. We don’t have intercourse and don’t plan to until marriage because I’m religious. What does this mean? Is he planning to cheat?

Hi there - I'm looking for opinions and not necessarily solutions. What are your experiences or do you have any pearls of wisdom.

Question

I'm struggling to decide whether to marry someone. Do I marry someone quite different to me or do I look for someone more like me?

Context

Currently in a relationship, nearing 6 years. Two very different personalities, I would argue we compliment each other more than we don't. We love each other. Nothing is perfect.

I'm not very emotional (I do have my sensitivities), she is much more emotional than me. In general, I'm quieter, lack direction, and have struggled with life in various ways, but I'm social, and fairly confident in other areas of life that other people find challenging.

She's energetic, passionate, she really makes me feel valued, somewhat prone to anxiety and she has hyperactive tendencies. Things can be chaotic (schedules and cleaning are hard to keep on track) but things can be fun and spontaneous and fresh.

Our relationship works because she helps me in so many ways and to be honest, she is the reason I've managed to stay in a relationship this long and I'm incredibly proud and loyal to her. She's taught me so much and we have a lot of shared interests.

There are drawbacks and I find myself questioning whether we're a good fit sometimes...

There's no question in my mind that she has made me a better person.

My ex and I recently broke up, and since then, our friends told me he’s sleeping with some younger girls, ages like 19-21, and we’re 26. Obviously everything’s legal, but personally as a 26 year old I find that a little gross

He struggles with intimacy and insecurity, which is a big part of why we broke up. He’d pick fights over the littlest things bc he felt threatened and then wouldn’t be able to communicate what he was feeling in a calm way, and he found flip out when he got criticism about it. Basically can be emotionally immature

I’m so curious about the male perspective of going after younger girls. For those who’ve done it, what did it feel like? Were you doing it subconsciously for validation or control? Were you aware it was kinda weird and feel embarrassed? Maybe I’m way off, so if that’s the case, I’d love to hear

Have you ever been convinced someone was your person or that they were "meant for you," only to later completely change your mind?

If so, what actually changed? How did you move on again?

My ex was a very attractive fit man and yet highly insecure. He start losing his hair and put on a bit of weight and start being horrible to me. Why do men do that ?

Female married for 26 years. I've never had a problem with my husband glancing at attractive women. My take is he's going to do it anyway, why make him feel like crap for it. I think it's human instinct, I have checked out good looking men. In fact, we point out people to each other. On another sub, for women, a wife complained about it and almost everyone's advice was to leave him if he won't stop. I think that's completely insane. Need a guy's perspective. Thanks.

i like preemptively feel shitty for this because like im not bragging but i see a lot of woman talk about the opposite side of this coin and it just started to get to me today

even when i try and hookup with men, they literally wont stop trying to get me to date them

its not even like im fucking pretty either, like im short, chunky, and lightskin

but i cant speak to a man without him trying to 'have me' and its so fucking annoying

the worst part is i LOVEEEE BDSM like LOVE LOVE LOVE but not once has any of these men ever done BDSM to me once we become official

its always 'but youre my little baby i cant do that to you! youre too sweet for that!' or something along those lines

it really sucks, because i get into a relationship with a guy then they basically believe im the virgin mary and refuse to touch me sexually at all

and like not to mention the amount of guys who fucking hound me on ig, i legitimately have had to block guys who like and unlike ALL of my instagram posts and then relike them to send notifs (their admissions)

it sounds so horrible but for once i want a man to just see me as i want, ive always been seen as the 'wifey mother type' and thus they want to lock me inside and keep me 'pure'

but i just want to be seen as the crazy chaotic fun girl that guys are drawn to for sex and NOTHING else

im tired of constantly being locked away, and refused what I want because im 'too good for that'

do i gotta start being insane or something????? is that what im missing??????

​

I'm posting this on behalf of my friend because he doesn't use Reddit.

On **June 14**, his girlfriend went to a house party. Before she left, my friend asked her not to drink and she promised she wouldn't. She still drank, and when he found out, he got angry during a phone call. They argued, and he stayed upset for a few days.

Later, on **July 5**, my friend found out something else. On the same night of the party, his girlfriend had told him she was "alone outside." But later he learned she was actually at a resort with a new male friend. They were walking together holding hands. She never told him about this.

A few days later, he also found out that she and the same guy had been going on bike rides around the city together several times.

Instead of ending the relationship, my friend tried to trust her again. He told her that whatever happened had already happened, but next time she should at least tell him the truth before going out.

After that, she invited him for lunch one day. He couldn't come because of a family issue and said he would meet her in the evening instead. When he called in the evening, she told him not to come because she already had plans with that same guy.

A couple of days later, she went to a birthday party after informing my friend. Between **10:48 PM and 12:30 AM**, he kept calling her, but she didn't answer a single call.

Since they shared Google location access, he checked her location and saw that after the birthday party, she was riding around the city on a scooter with that same guy. She was dressed up for the party, and he later found out the guy had even asked her for a bite of her food while they were out together.

When my friend confronted her, it turned into a huge argument and eventually even became physical.

Throughout all this, the girlfriend kept saying that the other guy was "just a friend" and that she had already told him she has a boyfriend, so there was nothing to worry about.

My question is: **Was my friend overreacting, or are his trust issues understandable considering everything that happened?**

TL;DR: Girlfriend promised not to drink but did anyway, lied about being alone while spending time with a new male friend, hid multiple bike rides and outings with him, ignored her boyfriend's calls late at night while hanging out with the same guy after a birthday party, and kept saying he was "just a friend." The boyfriend confronted her, leading to a serious fight. Was he wrong to feel betrayed?

​

So I'm 47 hubby is 51..been together for 6 years almost married for.almost 2 and.im done

I am a sexually healthy woman

I know what i.like

I'm.Selfless in the bedroom.

I'm.adventourous

I perverted

But I'm also a good wife

I cook

I clean

I look after kids ... Ok fair enough I don't sit on Pinterest making rainbow spaghetti for dinner but I am.happy just to. Get a toilet break without a tiny human standing there watching me.like.im.about to break the law

Whilst asking questions and.eatimg Cheetos .....

4 kids

Chronic pain

Nerve damage due to 10.ywars of dv

Had. Severe drug habit early teens which almost took my life many times and.coat me my family , woke.up.one say and decided that enough is enough and went cold turkey and gave it up....

So yeah I am.mentalky strong ...

But somedays the cat could look at me the wrong way and I'll.break down like a.crying gangsta ...

I have anxiety and I should be voted for the best actress award ... Because I have it alot and.i.fake it

No.onw.knows .

I love my husband more than myself

His whole family has abandoned him.and I am.all he has left ... Apart from.one friend ..

He's been hurting me physically

And.mentally and emotionally

AND he's lying about other girls

Going on chat ...

Cam to Cam.

If I don't get touched in 3 days I'm.arkimg up

And he always mostly deniea me.

Hw promises (I don't believe him.onebit tho ) that be doesn't watch anything

Chat to anyone

Touch himself ..... He's full.on convinced himself

And desperately trying to convince me that it's a hacker ...

For the last 19 weeks

All his dirty secrets have come out and hes denied it all...

Hw doesn't work

He's lazy as ... I provide for us

I've begged him to get a job ... Deaf ears ...

He's turned 5 emails in 19 weeks into a hackers dream

He's fked 2 FB accounts and made them.look like a 14 year old boys wet dream ACC.... SERIOUSLY.....

YOUNG AND BARELY OUT OF THEIR DADS BALLS ..

how is that supposed to make a 47 year old woman feel ?????

He's self diagnosed himself as "avoidant "

And I'm.tjw anxious one.

...🙄🙄🙄...

Couldn't keep.a promise to save his.life

And.ivw become. Super depressed

Withdrawn , unattractive , unappreciated ra ra ra ...

It disconnected us in every way

And to be quite honest

I've thought about running away more as a wife than I ever did as a child!!!!

He stinks of guilt

Gets all defensive

Then treats me like shit

Holds his love and affection and intimacy for ransom...

BUT I CANT leave......

Please help

Is he playing me ? Or am I letting my mental health and anxiety speak for me ???

Pic is of me for reference ...

I dress up

I play roleplay

I consider a good head job where she chooses you over oxygen .... SO WHAT IS HE MISSING OUT ON TO BE DOING ALL THIS ........I just don't and won't get it .

He misses out on nothing , I miss out on lots

It took him 5 months to just take me out for a cheap dinner for God's sakes ....

I feel .I'm being used and played

But my heart won't shut up ..

I APPRECATE ALL ADVICE ♥️

THANKS

Is there a possibility where a man can be devoted and loving to his partner (be monogamous) while still seeking attention from random chicks from social medias?

His reason for doing so is :- those ladies are scammers and he enjoys scamming them too

But i doubt so lol

I keep asking women if I can kiss them after a date is over and I’m dropping them off at home

But then they always act weird and tell me not yet. Usually get ghosted after

Then on my recent date I asked again. And she told me she was fine with kissing until I asked. And told me you’re not suppose to ask

So do I just go in for a kiss hoping they are ok with it?

I thought women respected men who asked for consent and made sure they are 100% comfortable

If a guy is curious about trying anal play, does that make him less masculine? Or is it just viewed as sexual stimulation. Can anyone who considers themselves 100% straight be ok with putting something in their ass? Bonus: is there anyone that views themselves 100% straight that has done it weigh in on this please?

My friend

She makes me homemade food

She bandages my wounds.

Hugs me twice a day.

Makes me a sandwich just because.

Watches over me when I'm drunk and driven me home multiple times.

You can see why finding another one of these women is hard.

She's 43 and I'm 27

I don't want to date if I'm not treated the same way. Otherwise it's just a complete regression.

It absolutely amazes me how someone can sleep soundly next to someone that is crying. How does that even work? How am I so unlovable that even something like comforting me is completely off your radar, makes me wonder how I became so unseen.

Backstory- We are all in our 20s. I became friends with a guy who grew up going to school with a close friend of mine. I went to a different high school, my friend and them went to the same one. I started to go out with that guy a few times and we got into a “fight”. He hasn’t talked to me since but he still watches my Instagram stories. It’s been months of not talking to me. None of his friends follow my close friend but ever since we stopped talking, whenever she posts a picture with me, they all go view it. Some of his friends who weren’t following me before even started to request my account and started viewing my stuff consistently when they wouldn’t view it before. I think it’s obvious stuff has been said and he is discussing me but I don’t get why?