u/Lotsofelbows

How much does your therapist talk in your sessions? How much do you talk? Do they ask lots of questions? Are there extended periods where you sit and listen to them? Are there extended periods where they sit and listen to you, or do they tend to respond/interject a lot? Does this vary session to session? How do these different aspects of sessions work for you?

Genuine question from someone who has only been with one therapist for awhile and is curious about the other ways therapy can look/what's "normal."

Hi all, looking for advice.

I've been in therapy for a year and a half with a therapist I love. This has been my first therapeutic experience as an adult. I was briefly in therapy a couple times as a kid and they weren't good experiences. I came in to therapy with very little idea of the extent of my trauma, and the first year was at times rough AF with sometimes disabling flashbacks and activation, months of poor sleep, panic, etc. I feel I've improved a lot from that place, and also I've made some significant life changes in positive directions. So, no question that therapy has been helpful.

My therapist and I have good rapport, and I'm very attached to her. At the same time, I still struggle to be comfortable in therapy and am often in a state if activation/masking just being there, even though I like/trust my therapist. I've never cried in therapy, for example, I'm too locked up. I'm also definitely deep in the transference/attachment hole with her and that brings it's own set of grief and pain on the regular. Lately our sessions feel not that helpful or generative. Like, I know what she's going to say or how she's going to respond to something before she does. It feels like we're not covering new ground or reaching the deep places.

I feel like I'm in this place where I've made a lot of external changes, but my internal world still feels bad on the regular and kind of intractable. I've had more passive SI in the last few months than I have in years. Sometimes I feel like I just live in this dark trauma pit no matter what I do externally. To be clear: I'm safe and have a mountain of coping skills. I'm just in this place of do I need another perspective/modality? At the same time I don't know how to end a TR I value so deeply, and I don't want to leave if there's still more work we could do together. I really don’t want to leave at all. But I very badly want to feel better. Would appreciate advice or experience, and if you've been in this place, what helped you figure out whether you needed to move on or not?

Thanks in advance and appreciate input!'

Hi, I'm going into my 3rd term at PCC and trying to decide whether to bite the bullet and take Spanish 103 online this Fall, or gamble on whether there'll be an in person 103 in the winter. Is there a chance winter classes get posted before fall term starts?

Thank you!

Hi,
I'm newly renting a place with a small yard. 3 sides are nice tall wooden privacy fence, but one section is about 4ft high tpost and wire. The neighbors on that side are in their yard constantly and have lots of people over. Good for them, but rough on my nervous, elderly dog. Putting up some kind of a temporary visual barrier seems like the best solution for everyone. I'm brainstorming ideas for how to cover that fence, ideally 5 or 6ft high, and it's nanout 30ft of fence. I was looking at bamboo fence rolls, but they look very see through? Has anyone rigged anything that worked well, or have ideas? Links to specific products welcome. Thank you!

Hi,

I'm looking for a service to hire or other resources as I support my mom who's house has become kind of a hoarder situation - maybe level 2?

The house has not been cleaned in over a year, lots of clutter, extra furniture, bags of garbage all over the kitchen and things growing in the sink. The longer context is that my mom had a medical procedure almost two years ago and just never bounced back emotionally. She has ADHD and depression, so it's not that she's attached to the extra stuff in a traditional hoarder sense, but she doesn't have the executive function or energy to deal with any of it. At this point it's too much for her or I to deal with. I've been working on talking to her about it and she's now willing to accept someone coming in to declutter, sort, and clean. Looking for someone kind and non judgemental who can help preserve the things of actual value and get her back to a livable home. I'd appreciate any recommendations for specific services, or resources, or frankly, support around this. I've never dealth with anything like this before and I'm very worried about her. ​

Thank you.

Hi, I moved into a new place and am looking for a new vacuum that's easy to use and maneuverable in smaller spaces. I was looking at the Bissel Pet Hair Eraser but read some less than complementary reviews. It's a studio cottage with concrete floors downstairs and high pile carpet on the stairs and in the loft. I also have a couple of area rugs. I have a high shedding long haired dog. Prefer under $300, but if there's something really great I should consider for a higher price I'm open. Also looking at vacuum/mop combos.

Appreciate any reccs, thank you!

Just moved into an new place a couple days ago, and this afternoon/evening the smoke alarms have gone off multiple times. I have a dual hose AC, but the sealing isn't perfect. I feel crappy, so know it must be getting in, but dang the alarms going off suck, and my poor dog is stressed AF. I guess I'm headed out to buy an air purifier. ​

Hi, I'm renting for the first time. Signed the lease a week ago and plan to move in in a couple days. I'm scheduled to meet with the landlord tomorrow for a "move in." I assume this is some kind of walk-through and get my keys? I have few questions that weren't covered on the lease (like who handles yard maintenance, and parking, etc) but what else should I be doing/expecting? If I do a walk through and test everything and note condition, do I do this while the landlord is there? Sorry if these are numb questions! Thanks for any advice.

Hi, I'm renting for the first time. Signed the lease a week ago and plan to move in in a couple days. I'm scheduled to meet with the landlord tomorrow for a "move in." I assume this is some kind of walk-through and get my keys? I have few questions that weren't covered on the lease (like who handles yard maintenance, and parking, etc) but what else should I be doing/expecting? If I do a walk through and test everything and note condition, do I do this while the landlord is there? Sorry if these are numb questions! Thanks for any advice.

Hi, I'm moving into a place that's an open studio layout with a bedroom upstairs but open loft style. 20ft ceilings. So, no rooms I can close off for smaller cooling zones. The downstairs windows are sliding design, not cased. I've previously used window ACs in a house of similar size and one in the bedroom one in the living room did the trick. Any advice on what would work best to keep this place cool? I'm renting so can't install anything. Preference for something quiet as I work from home, but staying cool is the most important thing.

Appreciate any suggestions. Thanks!

Hi all.

Vulnerable post. I've been in weekly therapy for PTSD and depression for 1.5 years, and I'm finding myself in a phase where that is not feeling like adequate help or support. I'm absolutely not in danger, but things are dark and I am exhausted. I've never sought mental health care outside of therapy, so I'm not sure what the options are. Something 2 or 3x a week would be great, or even once a week to add to my therapy. The idea of being in some kind of program feels reassuring, but it doesn't need to be that. I don't know what the options are. If anyone could point me in the direction of a specific resource, or ideas where to look, that would be great. I'm on OHP so idk if that limits options. Open to Portland or West side/Washington County.

Thanks for reading.

Hi all,

I let my subscription lapse over a year ago but now want to re-activate my subscription and I keep running into issues. I tried first from the website on the "subscriptions" page under my account. Their page of instructions says there should be a button that says "manage" that leads me to a way to re-activate, but no such button exists. Then I tried from the Earthmate app, and after pairing, I went to the Activate page, but clicking on Activate takes me to an "Error 1015" page. Any ideas? I've never re-activated before so not sure if I'm missing something. Appreciate suggestions.

Thank you!

My birthday is in a couple weeks and am interested in a place that could host a chill party. 10-20 people probably. Obviously parks are an option but I'm feeling low effort, so somewhere folks could buy their own food would be cool. Mostly sober crowd, but ok if there's alcohol around. Would love to be outside and would love to be able to bring in a cake. Anywhere come to mind? Thanks!

Hi!

I'm newly diagnosed with hip malformation and in significant pain. My Dr suspects shoulder and knee issues as well but wants me to try PT before doing more imaging. Looking to regain strength and functionality so I can hike/run/lift weights again. Currently can't walk without pain. I have OHSU health and prefer to see someone who isn't a cis man. Bonus points for queer and/or trauma informed, but truly just want to see someone who can help me and assuming waitlists are long. Willing to drive. Appreciate any first hand knowledge or suggestions. Thanks!

Hi,
I'm a first time college student in my early 30s completing my first term. I have one instructor I really loved learning from and I want to write them a thank you card expressing what I appreciated about the class and how much I appreciated them and their support as a teacher. I'm truly so grateful I was in their class because the learning curve has been really steep starting college at this age, and they're class was so excellent and supportive. Is this an ok thing to do? I was planning to hand it to them on the last day of class.

Edit: Thanks for the input! I decided to go ahead and gave them a card this morning following our last class. They thanked me and offered to get coffee next term and gave me a hug. I'm glad I wrote the note because in the moment I couldn't come up with the specific things I wanted to thank them for.

Hi,
I'm a first time college student in my early 30s completing my first term. I have one instructor I really loved learning from and I want to write them a thank you card expressing what I appreciated about the class and how much I appreciated them and their support as a teacher. I'm truly so grateful I was in their class because the learning curve has been really steep starting college, and they're class was so excellent and supportive. Is this an ok thing to do? I was planning to hand it to them on the last day of class.

Is this ok to send? I've been seeing her for over a year and she's helped me in so many ways, but I'm so exhausted by the attachment rollercoaster and I just want off. I know this will be a surprise as our last session was normal/good.

Hi (her name)
I'm writing to let you know that I've decided to discontinue therapy. I'm so grateful for the work we've done together, and for you. It's been life changing and I really don't have the words to tell you how much I appreciate you. Please don't think it's about anything you did. I hope the door can be open if I feel able to continue in the future, but I understand if not. I know this isn't a good ending. I'm sorry.
Thank you and take care,
(my name)

I thought I was enrolled in a SOC 204 online section, but when I checked today it had disappeared and now they're all full. I registered for the in person section, but it's over an hour from my house, so I'd really prefer to do online. But of course I can't get on waitlist for the online course if I'm registered in the in person section. I really need to be full time this summer to stay on track for my transfer to PSU. Any experience with getting in off a waitlist, or advice appreciated, thank you!

Kind of a rough one this week. I'm still feeling unsettled. I brought in a comment my therapist has made a few times that makes me afraid she does not believe me about a kind of trauma that I have come to believe happened to me. She explained herself and that wasn't what she meant, which was helpful.

But that led to a longer discussion I've been putting off for many months. A few months after I started seeing her, once I began to feel safe, I started having body memories with occasional visual components of a childhood trauma I truly had no idea about that was really horrible and shocking, but also explained so much about my life. It took many months for me to even start to accept it, but we have often only talked around the edges of it in therapy. With her repeated comments, I had started to have a lot of fear that she didn't believe me, and I told her that, and that I recognized that I had given her a kind of arbiter of truth role, and that I felt like I didn't know if I could believe me if she didn't. That it was an area that made it hard to trust inside our TR. And that I still felt like I didn't know what to claim, or how I got to talk about this thing, both inside and outside therapy.

At that point in the conversation, I was still being pretty indirect about the thing itself. I went as close to nonverbal as I ever have in therapy. She kind of walked me up to the edge of being direct about it, and said “There's something that your body *knows,*” and then waited until I said it explicitly. That in a way felt validating on its own. Then she told me “you feel like someone hurt you,” and “There's no judge or jury here,” and “I believe your body's experience.” And a bunch of things like that. I don't know. It just felt like not enough. She talked about that I might never know for sure, and do I feel that means I can't heal unless I know for sure? Unless I have concrete evidence? I didn't realize I was holding onto that so hard, but it's true, because I feel like I still don't understand what happened to me, I don't know how to process it. Or I'm not letting myself.

Nothing “wrong” happened in the session. I know it's a therapist's ethical position to be careful and not lead a client, to avoid building false story or memory, etc. I'm probably not being fair in this post because it's impossible to include the complexity of the conversation. But goddamn, I think part of me just needed so badly to hear something direct like “I believe you,” and not feeling that she does triggers all my secondary abandonment and aloneness in trauma feelings. I'm not sure yet how to move through this.