r/askatherapist

Cutting to the chase: the woman who used to be my therapist keeps asking about me on a personal level. I appreciate that she cares about me, since she's a friendly therapist, but I don't think she should be asking to talk to me again (on a non professional level. Like she's not asking how I'm doing she's asking to have a non serious unpaid talk for no reason. Just to catch up.) I know that therapists can't have a relationship with their patients and I'm not her patient so maybe it's fine, but it feels weird. She works in her own practice and also talks about herself to use in comparison as a tool.

She's shared her religion with my grandma, her feminism with all of my family (it's not a problem that she's a feminist but she did accuse my dad if being sexist because he admitted to her that he is attracted to women but does not look at them in public so that he doesn't objectify, to which she said he was. Don't know how...)

When I first started seeing her she undermined the person who diagnosed me even though this person and her partner are supposedly the best of what money could buy, and she undermined them to say something stereotypical "you'll like college better than highschool" despite the person who diagnosed me saying "college will probably feel barely different than highschool to you, and you may struggle in the same areas, which would be worse since you won't have the teacher and peer support to help you."

I'm not a therapist so I wouldn't know what if these are normal, but I just don't get a good vibe from her. If needed I can provide the therapist's name and the people who diagnosed me.

In my past few sessions with my therapist, I can see on his screen that he is using ChatGPT Plus to come up with a treatment plan. I can see him copying and pasting it from ChatGPT to his documentation page.

Is this a normal procedure, or should I find another therapist?

As the question says...

I have scars on my wrists from ganglion cyst surgery that match the scars of slitting both one's wrists.

My current therapist has never asked about them. OTOH he knows that I've hardly ever been suicidal and am not high risk.

I have severe ocd and depression. I’m not keen on going to outpatient, but my family is pressuring me into it at this point.

The intake form consisted of texting with an AI chatbot, a lot like ChatGPT. It asked the normal questions (age, height, marital status, etc.) which I’m fine with answering.

But then it asked for my history of self harm/suicide, and asked for specific details and dates. I told it I was uncomfortable with answering and wanted to speak to a human. It said something like “I understand you’re uncomfortable talking to an ai, but this is for your health” and pressed the question again. I had to refuse another two times before it finally gave up and let me submit the intake form.

Is this normal? I can’t believe these people expect an at-risk population to willingly spill the details of their trauma and self harm into an AI. I never signed any consent forms before starting either, so this was all a surprise.

it's a university appointed consulting psychologist (counsellor)

Preoccupation: ADHD, HFA, OCD

For young children, it seems plausible to tell a parent especially if your supervisor recommends it. However, we need to protect confidentiality - if they aren’t in danger (NSSI) and wounds don’t need medical care, would you always not share this information, or would you stop around a certain age? It depends on the situation, of course. (Thinking of 10 - 14 year olds, for example)

I don’t want cops. I don’t want EMT/EMS. Maybe I can voluntarily go to the hospital. But I can’t do emergency services. I’ve had too much trauma with them. I can’t do it. I can’t even follow through on my feelings of not wanting to be here anymore. I have a plan. i have the plan in my hand. Physically. Literally. But I can’t push myself to do it quite yet. But it feels like everything is coming to a natural end.

Edit: I’m beginning to think I should just go inpatient. I’ve been trying to figure out what’s going on with me and why I’m feeling this way. I’ve made posts about it on other subreddits but I have gotten zero responses and I feel pretty desperate right now.

I have complex PTSD. (This is context I’m not just dumping). OCD, and some (still trying to identify) mood issues. My mental health has always been pretty severe, starting back when I was about 7 or so. That’s when shit really hit the fan. I hate that expression.
But anyways, I’ve been having nightmares and night terrors nearly every night. I’m waking up in the early hours of the morning, I’ve been going out on long walks not caring where I’m going or how long I’ll be out, I can’t stop spending money even though I’m in a tight financial spot. I just don’t feel good. I’m feeling like I want to hurt myself, like I don’t want to be here anymore. I feel like the worst burden to my partner and his family. I’m a mess, I’m a drain, I’m a loose cannon always ready to blow. I don’t lash out I just get “unwell”. I don’t know how else to describe it.

God I wish so bad for a crystal ball that could tell me what the fuck is wrong with me. I don’t wanna shower but I wanna get my shit together. Like find my community, get my sense of style back. I’ve been pacing and doing stuff in the morning but by the evening and night, I’m nearly catatonic. Something is so wrong with me. Nothing satiates me but I can’t stop eating and then it switches to I have zero appetite and want absolutely nothing. I’m talking about in the same week. I feel like I’m gonna throw up.

I want to die. I just want to die so bad but every time I start a plan, I can never follow through. Is that the right expression? I don’t know I took medicine to help me feel different. But I’m so woozy and off balance and shaky. I only do this when I get like this. Every time it’s the same thing. And god I was doing so well before all of this. There’s been too much change in my life for the past 6 months and I came out of a loooonng depressive episode 6 months ago just for me to feel up and down again. I’m doing good. I’m not doing good. Im doing good. I’m not doing good. And I can get so angry but it’s an angry sad. But other times I feel so content and full of love and sunshine. I care about a lot of things.

I don’t know where this is going but maybe I can call a hotline that DOESNT call emergency services. I just called my psych and psychiatrist and cancelled all my appointments. I don’t know what wrong with me. I keep doing stuff or wanting to do stuff that’s making things so difficult. Destructive? But I’m really not trying to be. I’m just. Idk. I’m just “doing” it. It feels like the right thing to do even though I’m very aware of the consequences.

Please somebody help.

I researched a lot of therapists in my area and decided on two of them who sounded like good matches for me. I made appointments with both and figured I'd just stay with whoever I connected with better.

Trouble is, now that I've had one session with each, it's going to be really tough to decide. They were both really awesome so I have another appointment with both of them. One of them is a little less expensive, but their office is in the next town over and they can only see me after I get off work. The other one is a little more expensive, but their office is walking distance from my house and they are available on my day off.

It makes me sad to think about having to "drop" one of them when we had such a good connection, but after a second appointment I know I'll have to make a decision. I guess I'm wondering if this is a common occurrence, if a patient connects with you but then opts for a different therapist anyway. One of my issues I'm trying to work on is my crippling fear of disappointing/hurting other people, and I'm facing that fear right now by having to explain to one of them that someone else felt like a better fit.

Any thoughts?

Thanks. Nat.

The more I read about those three, the more the lines blur with fear of abandonment, push-pull relationship patterns, emotional intensity, trouble trusting people who get close. They all seem to show up in similar ways.

So i’m trying to understand the actual distinctions:
What separates anxious-avoidant attachment from BPD clinically?

Is CPTSD more about origin (chronic relational trauma) than the symptom picture itself?

Can push-pull attachment patterns exist without it being BPD or CPTSD at all?

Do learning attachment theory change how you see your own patterns, or do it feel separate?

Would love input from clinicians and people with lived experience of either diagnosis.

edit: bpd as in borderline not bipolar

For context: I have been with my therapist for 2 years and the relationship we have is mind blowing for me. I’d say is a 10/10 therapeutic relationship.

Yesterday I was feeling curious and spent some time on google, and I found some heartbreaking, gut wrenching information about my therapist’s past. I actually cried when I saw it and feel like I need to comfort her next time I see her.

Everything I found was public and accessible by anyone who can put 2 and 2 together.

Since she did not disclose this to me, I am torn on whether to ever admit to knowing this information?
I feel like she might feel violated if she finds out that I know and might terminate me. She is very private and there is not really anything about her online, so she might not know that this information is public and somewhat easily accessible for those who put in some effort in the snooping.

I wish I could unlearn it - we have an amazing relationship and I don’t want to mess it up, although I feel like knowing this will inevitably impact on how I relate to her. I haven’t stopped thinking about her since I found out.

Don’t google your therapists y’all.

What gives someone the audacity?
What drives someone to move with malice?

I’m aware of the “hurt people hurt people”
What I’m asking is, when someone thinks of doing something rude for lack of a better word, is there any barrier that stops them? What makes them continue? What tells them “nah this is what needs to be said right now”
A lack of empathy?
The way their parents brought them up?
What is a solid answer to this question that’s been plaguing me.
Nat.

So, I’m in couples therapy with my husband. I had to miss a session. I told both him and the therapist that I didn’t mind if they still met and talked without me. They did.

The next session, my husband couldn’t make it. The therapist said some things that were a bit strange, I think. The following were statements, not questions that led me to the conclusions.

1. When we were discussing if my husband and I are still compatible, the therapist said that I would have to be the one to bring up divorce because my husband is too sad and depressed and he won’t be able to do it.
2. When I said that I still love him, the therapist said that I shouldn’t tell him that because it would just make it harder for him to accept that we each want different kinds of lifestyle as we move towards retirement.
3. The therapist said that my husband just has fewer resources and support than I do, so I should make this as easy on my husband as possible and lean on my support as needed.

I just came out of that session feeling very uncomfortable. It’s almost like the therapist was being a caretaker for husband. Husband does have friends, family, and is heavily involved in 12 step programs, but does struggle with emotions.

I don’t know. Is this really how couples therapy should work?

I’m about to have my first therapy session and I have so many things that I want to talk to my therapist about. How should I go about this, because I know if I don’t bring it up early on then I won’t later.

This isn’t my first time going to a therapist, but it will be my first time to bring up many of these topics. The last time I was in therapy I would tell myself to bring them up during the next session or walk into the session thinking about these things, but never actually bring them up. I don’t want to do that this time around so I’m making a list. Should I just present the list to my therapist during the first session?

I've been wondering about this for a while and I'd really like to hear other people's perspectives.

I've had severe suicidal crises, including suicide attempts, but my psychologist and my family never considered psychiatric hospitalization necessary. Because of that, I was never actually hospitalized.

What confuses me is that my girlfriend, who has also struggled with severe suicidal thoughts and crises, was hospitalized despite never having actually attempted suicide.

I'm absolutely not saying that she shouldn't have been hospitalized. I'm glad she was able to receive help when she needed it. I'm just trying to understand why the threshold for hospitalization seemed to be different in our situations.

I know that having a suicide attempt doesn't automatically mean someone will be hospitalized, and that hospitalization isn't necessarily the best option for everyone. I also understand that professionals consider many factors besides whether someone has attempted suicide.

But I'm still confused about what those factors actually are.

What would generally make professionals decide that someone needs inpatient psychiatric care after a suicide attempt or during a severe suicidal crisis? And what would make them decide that someone can remain at home with family support and outpatient therapy instead?

I'm not necessarily saying that I should have been hospitalized. I'm genuinely trying to understand why it wasn't considered necessary in my case, especially given that someone close to me was hospitalized despite never attempting suicide.

And when this happens how likely is it that it will happen again? Do certain therapists get special trying to deal with particularly entitled, antisocial or malevolent patients?

​

I'm having trouble forgiving myself for some horrible things I did years ago. I don't want to discuss those. Point is, I got sober, made amends, read books to learn how to prevent it from happening again, went to therapy, they've forgiven me, and now I just have myself in an emotional prison of guilt. It's detrimental because I have no savings, can't get out of bed, etc.

I have been in therapy for years due to this guilt. It hasn't gone away. While the things I did were serious, the guilt also predated those things by a long time, too. I have struggled with guilt for most of my life.

My therapist suggested I say affirmations daily, and said they help her and all her clients. I have a hard time believing that this small act will alleviate the guilt. I am afraid she is saying these things without understanding my situation fully, or something. She also said I was highly functional as opposed to her other client who has a drinking problem and childhood trauma. I used to have a bad drinking problem and have childhood trauma, so am again afraid she doesn't understand my history enough to prescribe this.

Are affirmations really evidence-based? Can they really alleviate severe, longstanding guilt when amends, self-sacrifice, and permanent change aren't enough?

TL;DR: I’ve been in therapy consistently for about 3 years, mainly doing CBT + EMDR. My therapist originally helped me work through an ED, and we eventually identified that a lot of what I was struggling with was connected to ADHD, which I’m now medicated for and has made a huge difference.

Since I’ve been doing much better, I don’t see my therapist as frequently. But when I do, I feel like we keep getting stuck in the same conversation about self-esteem and this persistent feeling that I’m somehow “not normal.”
I’ve recently started wondering whether I might have some autistic traits.

For context, I’ve always felt like I didn’t quite belong but have been extremely high functioning.
I moved countries when I was young and was bullied quite a lot, so there are obviously other possible explanations for that. I don’t mean “I don’t belong here” in a literal sense — it’s more like I’ve always felt like I’m somehow missing an instruction manual for how everyone else naturally seems to behave.

Some things about me that feel abnormal:
- I rehearse social interactions in my head - like word for word play out what I will say when I walk through a door
- dissociate a lot ( my therapist puts those down to CPTSD - and not to discredit this but whilst my life has been hard it feels more so like a nervous system response rather than a trauma response ? ) idk if these are the same things
- I can struggle to choose the “right” words, but it isn’t necessarily because I’m anxious about being judged. It’s more like I’m trying to work out what a “normal” person would say in that situation. And if I can’t find the right word I’ll just stay silent till I can and genuinely stop mid sentence
In awkward or unexpected social situations, I often find myself thinking, “What would a normal person do here?”
- i have sensory issues with tight clothing.
- If I hear a distracting noise while I’m talking, I often have to stop talking because I can’t continue properly.
- if I start walking on one side of someone, I feel like I have to stay on that same side rather than switching.
- often need verbal directions or explanations repeated, and I understand things much better when someone gives me an analogy.

I can be very conscious of how I’m “supposed” to behave socially rather than it feeling completely intuitive.
I know a lot of these things can also occur with ADHD, anxiety, trauma, personality, etc.

How have therapists here brought it up with clients or when did you know it might be a component? Or have clients ever brought it up with you?

I also don’t want it to sound like I’m faking it / desperate for a diagnosis and I’m wondering whether this sounds like something worth exploring with my therapist, or whether I’m falling into the trap of trying to explain every aspect of myself through neurodivergence

I’ve been on a short hiatus from therapy and it make me realize I think I’m really attached to my therapist and therapy as a whole. Would you be concerned if your client said the break made them realize they’re really attached?

Hi everyone. My name is Gabe. Let me preface that I’ve worked with many therapists in the last 4 years and this is my current therapist.

Let’s start off with my therapists name, K. I’ve been working with K for maybe 2 years after being referred from an IOP program in the same mental health care company. K and I worked really well in the beginning but some things I don’t like. In the middle of our session, she’ll yawn obnoxiously or scroll on her phone and Apple Watch quickly. She will also come in pretty late and cut our times short. There were multiple instances where she came in late and had food. She has poor communication skills. We have insisted that our preferred communication method is calling us but she emails us despite how many times we’ve said it. We had a situation once where she forgot to call us and tell us that our session was cancelled because her car was trapped in the snow. We had driven out 30 minutes since the therapy place is that far from us. Didn’t even try to do a virtual. There was also one situation where she had emailed us 2 hrs before hand for a virtual. I went upstairs for my appointment, they said “oh you don’t have her today” turns out she was with a different client after us reiterating that we needed to be called. This also happened recently with her going on vacation. I will say that it was my fault for not reading the email ahead of time but I’ve explained time and time again that I need to be called for any schedule changes. She also has a tendency to say “I have resources!” And never follow up with them even if they’re important. I’m at my wits end, and I feel like my therapist does not care at all. In order for me to be able to participate in therapy I need consistency and I feel like she doesn’t give that.

Is this unprofessional behavior, and do you think it may be helpful to address it with my therapist and tell her how I feel about it?