u/catsbirdsanddogs

Why or why not?

IR, as in Instant Release

We recently had a small rupture. I explained I felt hurt by xyz. She responded by explaining herself first, which only caused me to feel further hurt and dismissed. So I kept trying to reexplain how I had felt hurt, even trying to prompt her with can you see how from my perspective, that may have felt hurtful? And she just kept sort of doubling down, though eventually finally half apologized (I’m sorry you felt that way…) and by that point, I accepted it and moved on. She also seemed tired and tense and so I felt a badly for continuing to press the matter.

Later I let her know I understood that from her pov, explaining herself was her trying to show me that my perception was off. But in the moment of feeling hurt, that only put up my guard further, and I think what would help in the future is just basically right away saying, “I can see how that would have felt hurtful.” And again, she wasn’t quite able to take in the feedback, instead defending herself because she did eventually apologize.

Now I know she does care, so I let it go. I am wondering if in her own life and perhaps by her own parents, her feelings may have often been dismissed. I say this as someone whose own parents always dismissed my own feelings and who used to also always jump to explaining myself with my partner, until I finally understood that what my partner needed was for me to acknowledge his hurt feelings.

Is there an appropriate or gentle way to suggest this to her? Or should I just leave it be? Alternatively, am I expecting something unrealistic? Like should I be more reasonable about accepting her explanations?

Edit to add my therapist also brought up how my defenses are currently more than usual due to some circumstances (something I suggested first). So I’m also wondering if perhaps due to this, I am overly focused on this matter in order to possibly avoid other things.

We recently had a small rupture. I explained I felt hurt by xyz. She responded by explaining herself first, which only caused me to feel further hurt and dismissed. So I kept trying to reexplain how I had felt hurt, even trying to prompt her with can you see how from my perspective, that may have felt hurtful? And she just kept sort of doubling down, though eventually finally half apologized (I’m sorry you felt that way…) and by that point, I accepted it and moved on. She also seemed tired and tense and so I felt a badly for continuing to press the matter.

Later I let her know I understood that from her pov, explaining herself was her trying to show me that my perception was off. But in the moment of feeling hurt, that only put up my guard further, and I think what would help in the future is just basically right away saying, “I can see how that would have felt hurtful.” And again, she wasn’t quite able to take in the feedback, instead defending herself because she did eventually apologize.

Now I know she does care, so I let it go. I am wondering if in her own life and perhaps by her own parents, her feelings may have often been dismissed. I say this as someone whose own parents always dismissed my own feelings and who used to also always jump to explaining myself with my partner, until I finally understood that what my partner needed was for me to acknowledge his hurt feelings.

Is there an appropriate or gentle way to suggest this to her? Or should I just leave it be? She has children so I also wonder if this pattern emerges with them. I should add, this isn’t the first time it’s happened in our sessions. Alternatively, am I expecting something unrealistic? Like should I be more reasonable about accepting her explanations?

Edit to add my therapist also brought up how my defenses are currently more than usual due to some circumstances (something I suggested first). So I’m also wondering if perhaps due to this, I am overly focused on this matter in order to possibly avoid other things.

Does anyone else have experience with this and have worked on it in therapy? Sometimes I wish she would just tell me I’m too much and leave me. I obviously don’t want her to actually do that. I feel confused by my feelings. I wonder if it’s a protective mechanism. So if she does leave, it’s like I’m prepared for it.

What sort of dreams do you have about your clients?

I’m curious to know how it looks from the other side. Today I came into session with my therapist of 6 years and immediately when she asked how I was feeling, I was giggling. She then asked what I was laughing at, and I truly did not know. But then I proceeded to keep laughing involuntarily. She has said before that I can be hard to read (even for her, she added). I love her and feel very attached to her, so I am wondering if this is normal and I’m an atypical client or if it might be time for me to move on.

I initially posted this to askatherapist, but it’s being reviewed. If you’ve experienced this as a client, I’d love to hear your input and insights.

I’m curious to know how it looks from the other side. Today I came into session with my therapist of 6 years and immediately when she asked how I was feeling, I was giggling. She then asked what I was laughing at, and I truly did not know. But then I proceeded to keep laughing involuntarily. She has said before that I can be hard to read (even for her, she added). I love her and feel very attached to her, so I am wondering if this is normal and I’m an atypical client or if it might be time for me to move on.

I’ve been with my therapist for almost 6 years. There’ve been occasions when part of me has felt very upset about something she’s said, but on the outside I seem very calm and content (according to her) and it surprises her to hear what I’m experiencing when I’m able to tell her about what I’m actually feeling.

Do you have any focus? How has sharing a journal helped your sessions?

Can a goal ever be too ambiguous/abstract? e.g. wanting a more stable sense of self

I notice whenever I mention negative beliefs/thoughts about myself, my therapist will challenge me to see myself through a positive lens instead, either by asking me or telling me positive traits. I don’t know if this is actually that helpful though? In the moment I’ll try to say something positive about myself, but it’s really only because it feels like that’s what she wants me to do. I also find myself hesitating to share these sort of thoughts with her because I know she’s just going to push back on them. First, what kind of approach is she using?

Second, I don’t really know what I’m expecting or hoping for when I share those things. I’m wondering if there are other ways she could be approaching this that I could suggest to her.