r/ocdwomen

A little bit of context:
- I moved about 5 hours away from my friends, and this week they drove to spend the week with me.
- Friend #1 is actually a therapist (not my therapist), and the three of us met 5 years ago in a psych ward. We’ve been very close ever since.

Tonight, Friend #1 said to me, “I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but it must be exhausting living in your head. With the constant reassurance seeking, it must be exhausting.”

I kind of laughed it off and said, “Yeah lol, I need help again. There’s an OCD specialist I really want to see, but they don’t take my insurance, so I don’t know what to do right now.”

Then Friend #2 said, “I don’t think it’s all just OCD. Maybe you kind of do it as a fallback.”

Then, they both started telling me about how my constant reassurance can be exhausting. I completely understand where they’re coming from, and I don’t blame them for feeling that way. I tried to explain that I feel incredibly weak as a person, that I hate being like this, and that I hate what OCD does to me. I just genuinely don’t know how to stop when I don’t have the right help.
I almost started crying because I feel so guilty. I also wanted to apologize, but then I started wondering if apologizing would just be another form of reassurance seeking, so I didn’t say anything. Now I can’t stop thinking about it.

I don’t have a therapist anymore because I moved to another state. I’m currently taking 200 mg of Zoloft, which has helped some, but I’m still really struggling.
I don’t really know what I’m asking for. I guess I’m wondering:
- Has anyone else had friends tell them their reassurance seeking is exhausting? How did you handle that feeling? (To me, I feel very rejected for some reason. Don’t like this feeling ☹️)
- How do you cope with that guilt without turning it into more reassurance seeking?
- What do you do when you know your OCD is affecting the people you care about, but you can’t access therapy right now?

I feel really overwhelmed and scared that my OCD is hurting the people I love. Any advice would really mean a lot.

Kind of a random question but do people with ocd enjoy their lives?

I suspect that i have hocd/soocd. I think it does play a huge factor as to why I'm unhappy but regardless I dont have anything I like. No TV shows, no movies, no games. Anything I do I have no peace or joy at all. I woke up today just so sullen and sad and immediately started panicking (what did I dream about scared did i dream of women and therefore I'm lesbian) but i mean its just constant emptiness. I feel nothing for no one im constantly fighting my thoughts so I really have no time to think about anything else. But this cant be life just sad and just going through life. I mean what's the point then?

Anyways my main point is, is this what everyone with ocd feels (we definitely arent all the same) but something has to be common or do other people also feel like this and is it a result of ocd? Or is it depression? Or do some people still enjoy life with ocd?

I have read the FAQ. Recently (last week) I had this weird thought. “What if you get rabies and you would never know. Then you would never wake up again.” I know, a “scary” thought. I’ve talked to my parents and family members, but it never seems to help sadly. Now I don’t see bats on a daily basis or seen one in my room, but I keep checking my body, every pain or twitch I feel scares me, and I fear that I might get bit in my sleep. Doesnt help that the internet is useless most of the time. Anxiety is so annoying…

LET ME JUST START THIS BY SAYING, I AM NOT ONE OF THOSE SELF DIAGNOSING TIKTOK BITCHES EVERY SYMPTOM I AM ABOUT TO DESCRIBE TO YOU I’VE HAD SINCE I WAS A LITTLE GIRL (3)
Anyway, for my whole life I have had these compulsions and obsessive thoughts that have not been able to stop. Ever since I’ve been about 3-6 I have struggled with these compulsions and they will not stop, one of my most memorable obsessions are my “fear” of bathrooms. When I was younger I hated everything having to do with bathrooms, I would hold me pee in all day at school and sometimes at home because of how much I hated bathrooms, when I would finally go to the bathroom I had to hold my breath, I wouldn’t even swallow my own spit, I also hated the texture of toilet paper which led to an infection.
Another one I had was certain smells, tastes, feelings, and textures.
Every time I would open a water bottle I would take a little sip then open a new one because the one I had previously opened had germs.
Going back to the swallowing spit thing, at certain people’s houses I wouldn’t even swallow have to spit in a bottle or outside because I couldn’t swallow my spit due to that houses air particles.
Certain songs and advertisements on TV were also an issue to me due to how they made me feel, it made me feel as if something bad would happen.
At night when I would pray for my family I had to pray for everyone even people I didn’t like because something bad would happen.
This is also a little embarrassing to admit but sometimes when I stare at children too long because I like their outfits or I am just zoning out I am scared I am a pdf file.
For a while these things actually got better, I was able to swallow my own spit and drink a full bottle of water and eat any food I wanted to.
But lately it’s been getting worse, I can’t go out anymore because I am afraid something bad would happen, this takes me back to when I was a little girl and would lay awake constantly due to racing thoughts and feelings.
I need to know if my symptoms are enough for me to get a diagnosis or if this is basic anxiety, I feel that I need to be on meds to function and all these symptoms are interfering with my day to day life.
Sorry this is long but I am tired of living like this.

i apologize for posting 2 questions so close to one another but i just want to get perspective from other people with ocd (mine is moral but any is welcome) and any advice they may have on how to help the people around them and also keep themselves stable and not suicidal under capitalism. it can be especially hard when everything you do feels like a moral conviction of being some evil bourgeois and like you can't live without participating in society, thus tainting your morality. leftist circles definetly do not help because everything anyone says nowadays sounds like a declaration of moral failure for doing anything but they're kind of necessary to be around to build community and make real change. anyone without ocd is also allowed to give any advice if they have. thank you so much

is loss of attraction pre hocd normal/common? like you barely felt aesthetical attraction towards your preferred sex? (sorry if i post too much i just can't cope with this "hocd or denial" thing.)

I’m in treatment for OCD and trauma, and I’m trying to understand how much my childhood and family dynamics shaped the way I see myself and the world.

Growing up, I felt like the “Cinderella” and scapegoat in my household. I was expected to do a lot, my feelings were often dismissed, and I learned to question my own judgment.

My sister had serious behavioral issues from a young age, including being suspended from elementary school after an incident drugging a disabled classmate.

The event that caused me to seriously question everything happened after my husband shared some painful childhood trauma with me. I was crying and emotionally overwhelmed while trying to support him and process what he shared.

During that time, my sister repeatedly introduced the idea that my husband—who has never harmed me, threatened me, or made me afraid of him—was going to shoot me.

While I was in that distressed state, she calmly instructed me to load guns that had been locked away in our home for decades into my vehicle and drive them to her. I have never handled those guns as an adult and have never fired a gun. I still struggle to understand why firearms were brought into that situation while I was vulnerable.

For additional context, my sister herself had previously carried an illegal handgun until my father took it away from her. She also previously tried to give that handgun to my husband, and he declined because he only wanted to own firearms legally.

During that same week, she said, “We have been trying to isolate you and I guess it’s working,” and laughed afterward.

Since then, I have spoken with multiple doctors, therapists, and an attorney. After hearing what happened, they recommended that I seek an order of protection.

One of the hardest parts is that my mother is very loyal to my sister, and I often feel like my experiences get dismissed or turned back on me.

A smaller example: I told my family that my boss seemed unusually warm and repeatedly offered that I could call him evenings and weekends. I found that unusual because I had never had another boss communicate that way. My sister told me it was normal, and my mother responded that I shouldn’t be flirting with my boss. I was not flirting with my boss, and I felt like my concern was turned into something negative about me instead of being heard.

Looking back, I feel like there has been a long pattern of being encouraged to doubt my own judgment and question my decisions.

I’m trying to understand whether growing up in this kind of environment can contribute to OCD, anxiety, and difficulty trusting yourself.

Has anyone else been the “Cinderella” or scapegoat in their family and later realized how much it affected them as an adult? How did you learn to trust your own perception again? How would you relate to your family in this situation. My father just does what my mother tells him to.

hi, this is my first time posting ever and i don’t know if anyone will even see this but honestly at this point im lowkey desperate and have nothing to lose (sorry for the long post). i have several family members who have ocd, all of whom have different types. some physical, some have intrusive thoughts only, some both. i’ve only ever had really bad + constant intrusive thoughts. the thing is, it comes and goes. like i could go weeks without having any but the moment something triggers it again, it wont go away. i’ve had this for years now, as early as 13-14 years old.

for the longest time i thought something was genuinely wrong with me because i couldn’t understand why i was having such horrible unwanted thoughts. it’s about a lot of things, god, myself but mostly family. like wishing harm against family members that i love. it’s gotten so bad to the point where i have to say prayers and repeat affirmations constantly, multiple times a day. when i wake up, while i’m doing literally anything, before i eat, while im eating, while im watching something (pausing the video multiple times to say it), before i sleep. sometimes i even think i’ve said something wrong and i have to redo it over and over until it sounds right.

i also check the stove and make sure the doors are locked every single night, multiple times. sometimes i even have to take a picture just to avoid getting out of bed to check again.

this has honestly become so draining and i’ve cried more times than i can count. i’m only 18 but i’m genuinely worried about how im supposed to live my life. am i just going to have to put up with this forever? medication and therapy isn’t an option for me right now and i can hardly talk to anyone else about this without crying because its so frustrating and even a little embarrassing that these thoughts have so much control over me. i’ve been told several times to just stop thinking about it and ignore it and that it’ll go away eventually but that’s not true, at least not in my case. i feel really guilty for even feeling this way because i know others have it way worse but this is genuinely beginning to have an affect on my mental health and i don’t know what else to do. im really hoping someone who has recovered or is actively recovering from ocd will see this and give me literally any tips at all that will actually help.

Anybody here with both? How do they manifest for you? What are some good coping mechanisms and treatments for both?

Hi everyone, I have OCD (diagnosed) and this week’s theme is moral/identity, basically my OCD uses past mistakes to convince me I’m a bad person.

I wanted to ask if anyone else experiences this specific thing: when you read in the news about someone who got convicted for something that relates to your OCD theme (even if what they did is 100x worse than anything you’ve ever done), do you find yourself almost feeling like you want to defend them? Like this weird sense of identification with them, even though in real life you would never actually defend them or agree with what they did?

It feels like my OCD is building a bridge between me and that person, as if their conviction feels like a threat to me personally. And it completely goes against my actual values. Like for example if someone asks you a question « do you feel like X is wrong? » you do know it is wrong but you don’t connect with the answer because you don’t believe yourself. I know it can be confusing but i just try to find the words.

Is this something others experience? Is it an OCD symptom ? Does it have a specific name? I’m going to bring it up with my therapist but I’d love to hear if this resonates with anyone.

Thanks a lot !
Hoping everyone is trying to cope as much as they can.

I struggle with ocd and these thoughts are obviously so insanely irrational they eventually become rationale. An example for me is with alcohol. My ocd will not allow me to drink BUT *****take this as a trigger warning***** because I don't want anyone to have a new compulsion because of me...okay it's because I'm worried it'll make me lose my memories and just become dumb. I guess that's true to an extent but it worries me like crazy so yeah. I'm just wondering if anyone relates lol.

Basically, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 8 years, and in 2021 I started a new job during COVID. The workplace was super friendly, kind of like The Office—everyone joked around, had game nights, went out for dinner, and became friends. One of my coworkers, lent me a show, Supernatural, and we texted about it after borrowing it and I can’t remember exactly but it was at night. Btw I had each of my co worker’s numbers for work, and everyone knew I had a boyfriend. I talked about him all the time, and he even met my coworkers years later for Christmas dinners etc.
For some reason, not long after, I started getting really anxious that maybe I had done something wrong. I worried that maybe I flirted without realizing it, maybe I liked the attention too much, maybe I sat beside him on purpose, maybe I wanted his number for the wrong reasons, or maybe the late-night texting was inappropriate. I honestly know nothing romantic was said—we mainly talked about the show, or later on idek, work? I can’t remember now. Because I deleted the texts years ago because I was so anxious and now because I can’t read them, my brain keeps telling me maybe they were flirtatious and I’m just forgetting.
The hardest part is that this has bothered me on and off for almost five years. Every time I think I’ve figured it out, a new doubt pops up. If I remember one detail, my brain says, “Okay, but what if you forgot something?” I even remember telling my boyfriend about my anxiety over this back then because it was bothering me so much, but now it feels weird to bring it up again after all these years. Lately it’s gotten worse because of life stressors and the extra stress has made this old fear come back. At the end of the day, I don’t think I’m really trying to figure out what happened anymore—I think I’m desperately trying to know that I’m a good girlfriend and that I didn’t accidentally betray someone I love. I feel like unless I can remember every detail from five years ago with complete certainty, my brain won’t let me move on. I also used to never think it would bother me if my boyfriend did anything like that, and now I’m even second guessing that. I’m just a mess tbh.

I have read that the people who have contamination ocd mostly are washing their hands becuz of the feat that they will get some serious illness or allergy. But when I wash my hand I don't really have these thoughts. I just want to get rid of the dirt or the thing that i think is dirty. Sometimes it's so illogical 😭like if I am around bathroom and I accidentally spoke or had that air in my mouth, ik that once an air is inside you it won't really come out but I will blow air out of my mouth till i feel like yeah okay now I think it is out. And even while washing my hands it's not an easy task I will start first by washing only my hand and then I will feel like my arm got some few drops of water splashed on them. Then I will wash my arm too and then I will feel like I need to wash above my elbows too so now I will wash them and get my sleeves wet too and then I will feel like my shirt got some splash of water too so now I will wet my shirt too and this whole cycle repeats every single time. I tried telling my parents to take me to a psychologist and they think I am doing this all for fun. They scold me when I get my clothes soaking wet but they still don't care enough to take me to psychiatrist why don't they get that this is not normal behaviour. Idk what to do I will be first already wanting cry sometimes becuz of the hand washing process and getting my clothes wet (who even like wearing wet clothes) and then get scolded by them for it.

Sorry It went from asking if I have OCD or not too me ranting my frustrations 😭🙏🏻

Ps :- English is not my first language so pls ignore any mistakes.

I apologize if this is disorganized, I am in the thick of it right now – and I’m looking for some advice.

My boyfriend and I have been together for four years, we moved out together right after high school (my family was horrified) and have had a great and stable relationship ever since. He is my best friend.

When we were living in Chicago together, in 2023, I had a suicide attempt. At the time I was unsure why or what caused it, but it’s now become clear after getting diagnosed with OCD a couple of months ago. I was unknowingly struggling immensely with decision-making OCD and relationship OCD.

after we moved back to our hometown, things settled down and we’re awesome for quite a while ( about 2 1/2 years ).

Recently, I have had an insane uptake in worrying about my relationship with him, to the point of pretty much not being able to go two hours without texting. This doesn’t even change when I’m at work, or with friends. I have immense anxiety when I feel like he is not “happy “, weirdly, especially about things unrelated to me or things I cannot fix. I have been trying to do self guided ERP, but I can seem to only resist the compulsions for about five hours. Which by the way, is strenuous the entire time.

I want a relationship to go back to the way it was before I started struggling with this. I want to have a normal amount of alone time, not feel dangerous to myself when he is not around. I want to be able to go all day without texting and still that we love each other.

Any help Or guidance, especially on the ERP stuff would be awesome

Huge win: After two and a half years of consistent therapy, an IOP, and multiple failed attempts at taking meds, I just successfully took my first dose of Zoloft. I took it in a telehealth session with my therapist, and just got done. My OCD manifests in thoughts and compulsions related to health, and somatic sensations. I am noticing these thoughts come up, and they are loud, such as checking if my lips are swelling or obsessing that my throat is itchy and may be closing up, but I am choosing to just notice these thoughts. I am making the choice to not them cheat me out of a tool that will be hopefully useful to me, and help free me from what I’ve been living through.

I’m writing this so that others who may have similar fears may feel less discouraged. It would probably sound silly to some that it’s taken me this long to take a pill that millions of people take every day. But, for me this has been one of my biggest fears. The thing that is supposed to help me has been one I’ve been most afraid of.

Healing is not linear. There are ups, and there are downs. I am in one of the worst downs I’ve been in, but through that I’ve been motivated to take this extremely hard step.

God speed to you all on this very hard journey that is living with OCD 🤍

I am visiting NYC in a few weeks with contamination OCD and needless to say I am terrified. I live in a big city but it pales in comparison to New York and I struggle enough here. I really struggle with contamination regarding surfaces and the such. I know there is no way to avoid the Subway and I am so scared. I’ve heard horror stories of what people do on the subways and it’s making me rethink this whole trip. I am going with my family so I won’t be alone, but traveling with a whole bunch of people who don’t have OCD means they can’t relate to me.

I don’t mean to sound ungrateful for this trip but I want to be prepared so I don’t spend all my time worried about what I touched and what’s contaminated. I am coming on here to look for tips from anyone who’s traveled to NYC and struggles with the same issues as me.

I am worried about the clothes I wear in public contaminating the other clothes in my suitcase. We are flying so it’s not like I have unlimited space to put dirty and clean clothes. And I don’t think I can just have my clothes touching each other in my suitcase. Even the idea of walking into my room with those clothes on sickens me.

Additionally I’m also concerned about the place. I’ve been on one before but the last time I got sick… so you can only imagine my mind now. I plan on wearing a mask but if anyone has any other tips they would be greatly appreciated.

Just want to know if ANYONE else can relate. I began having strong compulsions a while back regarding things needing to be ‘right’ or moved into a new spot. That was fine to deal with - but now I’m have bad OCD about not seeing things again. My really bad trigger at the moment is rubbish (ridiculous right!!!!). Like each week on bin collection day knowing it’ll be taken and I will never see it again and don’t know where it goes. The items have no use to me - but I can’t get over this. I had it VERY bad today - I was coming off night shift so I was mega overtired which I’m sure contributed. But would love to know if anyone can relate. The only thing that seems to semi help is taking photos of the items.

my mental health right now is probably the worst it’s ever been - panic attacks every day, constantly wanting to go to the hospital to try and get some kind of immediate help, and just feeling extremely depressed and hopeless. I also have OCD, which is pretty severe right now. I’m at home every day due to all of this, and have been for a year, but am hoping to go back to college in September.

since learning about BDS, I’m trying to boycott and not use every company and service on the list all at once. However, I feel like by doing this I’m struggling even more. Services like YouTube and Netflix were coping mechanisms for me and allowed me to get away and distract myself for a while. They were both my most used distractions before learning about the boycott list. I’m currently not using either.

as well as this, my OCD wants me to boycott and not use pretty much every company and service that is or has done something unethical, or cannot prove that is is ethical in every way. this means that now I find myself just sitting around, extremely anxious and unable to distract myself. I try to do physical things like hobbies, but because my mental health is so bad right now, I have very little energy. I’m also on meds that make me very tired throughout the day.

I guess I wanted to ask what should I do? should I keep trying to boycott everything? I feel like it’s wrong if I don’t. if anyone can suggest good alternatives to boycotted companies, that would be great too :)

my shitty ocd keeps telling me to run away from my family and divorce my husband even though i dont really want that! sure are there things that could be more fulfilling in my marriage yes, but i really dont want a divorce but my mind keep repeating “divorce”! anyone else ever had this? just wondering if im alone

Anyone resonate with this? I’d love to hear other experiences. I want to know I’m not alone.

I’ve been on Sertraline since I was 8 y/o at 200 mg (27 now). In college, I started to wean off as I wasn’t sure if I was experiencing proper sexual feelings? Like I wasn’t that interested in sex but I wanted to want it? I had some crushes on male celebrities growing up, but not really any crush on a guy in my life until my senior year of high school. My current relationship of nearly 5 years had me experiencing insecurity over whether I was attracted to them, but I enjoyed intimacy and closeness? I love him with all my heart and when I finally got down to 50 mg of sertraline in January 2026, I started getting scared I was gay.

I had kissed one girl in college and desired to kiss a couple others when drinking, but never thought much of it. At most, I labeled myself as a bi-curious person. But in meeting two queer women who I thought were so cool and effortlessly pretty in a club I joined in February, I began to get really uneasy. I read into every relationship doubt that I’d had as a sign and spiraled HARD. I’m talking sobbing continuously, nearly breaking up multiple times, and unable to think of anything else/really function.

My partner has been a saint through it all. He doesn’t believe that I’m a lesbian based on our relationship dynamics and my physical affection towards him. I’ve since gone up to 100 mg (50 seems to be the lowest I can go at this point) and the severe distress is gone but the thoughts remain.

The idea of sexuality being fluid makes me not want to throw in the towel on a relationship built on trust, compassion, respect, friendship and love. My parents and therapist suggested that experimenting at this point in time might bring more confusion than clarity. And weirdly enough, I don’t really want to know if I do experience true same sex attraction. I want my partner to be the one I’m with. What we have is special.

As a child, I needed Sertraline desperately to function. But I wonder if it did a number on how I’ve interpreted my sexuality over the years. But I really only want it to be him I’m with. The idea of “self discovery” makes me queasy, because I really don’t want an outcome without my partner.