i believe you cannot control your thoughts but you can choose focus on a different thought and then your thoughts may change gradually. i find this really helpful as someone with anxiety and adhd.
let me know if you agree with me/ur thoughts
TLDR
now that i am 18 ive realized i can use my ability to get distracted very easily as an advantage. i have learned how to distract from my own immediate uncontrollable thoughts when i start spiraling.
if someone insults me or has a tone with me, my default is to get angry or start thinking they think im an idiot. if someone acts tired, i assume they don't want me around and that im exhausting them. if someone has a certain negative facial expression, i will immediately think im the cause of it. ive realized that at least right now, i cannot control my first or even second or third thoughts. but i can stop myself and go, "dude, lets be logical here. you don't know whats going on in their head, and you cannot control what people think about you. in the small chance that they don't like you, it's ok. YOU like you. you have other people who like you. you're smart. youre a pretty cool person. deep breaths girl, be proud of yourself for catching yourself in a negative thought this time even if its hard." (i think all of this in a span of like 10 seconds max)
the more you start thinking this way, the more you catch yourself before you start spiraling out of control, the easier it will become overtime. and you might start even thinking the healthier thoughts first as an immediate reaction.
when someone does or says something to you, you will immediately have a conscious or subconscious thought pop up in your head.
my brain moves so fast at all times. the minute something negative happens its so easy for my thoughts to start spiraling out of control.
i spent a couple of years doing cognitive behavioral therapy as a child when i developed depression from how exhausted i was from my constant perfectionism and anxiety. even though i think it helped me overall, i sometimes thought of those sessions as just another thing i was failing at. id think to myself, "why cant i control my thoughts? why aren't i improving, im such a burden, my mom is spending money on me so i can stop being anxious and i cant do it."
so, this doesnt mean you start judging yourself for your thoughts and being all like "don't think that. stop. what are you doing. is this helping you, dumbass?" just accept and be aware of where your mind immediately goes when something happens. self awareness is the first step.