r/irlADHD

I have been struggling through my whole life

I don’t know if I am lazy or a case of ADHD. I used to not like showering, the wetness of the bathroom used to give me an ick which I staved off showering when I used to be a teenage for which I stank.

I struggled with brushing my teeth and combing my hair.

Although, now I keep myself hygienic and fit. I struggle my whole life with procrastination. I have a chronic case. Knowing exactly what do yet couldn’t put myself into the work. I had struggled academically for the same case. A very smart mind but having been doing sub par all my life bringing shame to the family and myself.

I realise the reason behind my procrastination is anxiety, that my parents are gonna die anytime , perfectionism( high goal) , limerence and maladaptive daydreaming. I didn’t have emotional support for which my self confidence was very low.

I touch the wall or do things three times just so to undo the thought of my parents dying.

I am anxious everyday when my mom goes outside the house and I tend to ask or call her to know she picks up the phone. My parents are not aware of this.

And I am very impulsive. I am the person who post 10-11 posts on statuses and the most talkative in grouochats.

I overanalyse conversations and body languages and it became so tiring I have isolated myself. Have stopped using social media for good

My college room used to be the messiest. Couldn’t bring myself to keep it clean.

But the major problem of my life is procrastination- it is very severe.

I have trouble with following instructions and i have shirt term memory problem- I forget the the names of things told just a minute ago

Please give me some tips

I live in a world designed completely against my own brain, and i’m taught to hate myself for not being able to adapt to the system like everybody else.
i am so depressed and i feel so hopeless. my adhd meds are like taking bittersweet poison everyday. They triggered anorexia for me at 14 years old ( a combo of sudden med induced weight loss and very low self esteem/body image) , they make me feel numb and tingly with nothing nice inside of me, all food tastes bad, all noises are annoying , i cannot sleep at night, but without them i am wreckless, hyper, and disabled from completing daily tasks.

It sounds fucking stupid and that’s because it is. it’s no wonder people argue that adhd “isn’t real” - because it sounds so made up. there is no logic to it. it sounds so unreasonable and i wish i could say we are making it up. It is hell.

everything is hard, i don’t enjoy anything, i can’t keep friends, i don’t like myself, i don’t fit in anywhere. i Constantly feel weird. I feel odd , weird, out of place, and dumb. Making basic decisions is hard, controlling my temper is hard, being happy is hard, being intimate is hard, eating is hard, sleeping is hard, being on time is hard, having a job is hard, trying to get an education is hard, cleaning is hard, self care is hard , the list goes on.

I cannot do it anymore and everyday i am more and more tempted to disappear. Everybody thinks it’s something it’s not. Living with adhd (especially as a girl) is hell. I feel so tired , i hope some of you guys can relate to any of this , i just don’t think there is an answer.

I have ADHD and possibly autism (highly suspected by my treatment providers but I don’t want to pay to get officially diagnosed). My job is very systems oriented so I naturally good at it and it feeds my need for affirmation. I also work with vulnerable populations so I deeply care about my work. That being said, I get into a hyperfocus mode where I am really good at my job but it’s awful for me. I don’t take my breaks and I just burn myself to the ground. I know I need to take breaks because then I can fill my cup and do the things I need to be healthy. The thing is I can’t stop. I’m so locked in that I will literally bleed myself dry of all energy and be useless for my family. I’ve tried alarms to signal me that it’s break time but that doesn’t seem to work either. I have a pattern of burning myself out so completely that I have large mental health repercussions where I have to take medical leave, and I just don’t want to do that anymore because I know what I need to do take care of myself but I just can’t seem to access it.

Anyone else have this? And how did you break the cycle? All insight is very appreciated.

I'm not even sure if this is the right subreddit, but I'm hoping someone here relates.

I'm a software engineer by profession, although I'm currently unemployed after leaving my last job.

Ever since I was young, I've had an intense curiosity about almost everything. I love understanding how systems work—governments, psychology, economics, statistics, security, software architecture, ethics, even advanced mathematics. I'll spend hours watching lectures on advanced calculus or reading about theorems, not because I need them for work, but because I genuinely enjoy understanding them.

I also spend a lot of time thinking about better ways to solve problems or designing completely new approaches to things.

The confusing part is that despite all this curiosity, I haven't really achieved anything significant.

At my previous job, I constantly felt responsible for making sure technical decisions were actually correct—thinking about things like security, latency, scalability, and long-term design. Many times it felt like managers or even senior engineers only cared that something worked well enough to show the client. That mismatch exhausted me, and eventually I quit because the constant pressure became overwhelming.

Now I'm building my own software and trying to freelance.

The strange thing is... I know exactly what I should be doing.

I know how to find customers.
I know what features to build.
I know how to improve the product.
I know what the next steps are.

But I don't do them.

Instead, I'll research endlessly, discuss ideas with AI, read Reddit posts from potential customers, think about different approaches, organize plans, or work on something completely unrelated.

I use AI constantly—not because I can't think, but because I enjoy discussing ideas and refining approaches. I use it for architecture discussions, content, datasets, planning, brainstorming, almost everything.

The problem is that while AI is generating or processing something, I'll suddenly switch tabs, scroll Reddit, watch reels, play music, or disappear into random rabbit holes.

Hours disappear.

It's almost like I avoid the actual execution even though I genuinely want the end result.

Another thing is my energy levels.

During the day I feel mentally tired almost all the time, even if I slept reasonably well. I keep trying to force myself to work but can't get into it.

Then suddenly around 2–4 AM my brain comes alive and I can focus deeply.

My sleep schedule is terrible because of this.

Physically I'm not inactive. I do around 30 pull-ups every day (usually in random sets of 10) just to stay energized. I drink one coffee a day, nothing excessive.

What frustrates me most is that I genuinely believe I have good problem-solving ability and a broad range of interests, but I can't consistently direct that ability toward the work that actually matters.

Meanwhile I watch people who seem less interested in learning or less analytical than me steadily build careers, businesses, and projects simply because they can stay focused and execute consistently.

I'm not trying to say I'm smarter than anyone. I know intelligence without execution doesn't accomplish much. That's exactly what's bothering me.

Sometimes I wonder whether this is ADHD, burnout, perfectionism, executive dysfunction, anxiety, or just years of bad habits.

I'm not looking for a diagnosis from Reddit.

I'm more interested in hearing from people who have experienced something similar.

• Did you constantly consume information instead of executing?
• Did you feel capable of understanding difficult things but unable to consistently apply yourself?
• Did your motivation only appear late at night?
• If things eventually improved, what actually helped?

I think I need a sustainable way to consistently execute instead of living almost entirely in planning, learning, and thinking.

I'd really appreciate hearing from anyone who's been through something similar.

I used AI for readability and better arrangement of the points .

hey guys i've been recently struggling with ADHD flow state and I've been constantly forgetting things due to this. I feel drained after I exhaust myself from hyperfocus are there someways which temporarily relieves you during hyperfocus? I know ADHD isn't curable but it is getting upto me lately.

https://preview.redd.it/f0rbekzogtah1.png?width=460&format=png&auto=webp&s=124158af94df592e7dd27002d54f9f27b92149fd

I know, I know. It sounds awful but hear me out. There’s been a surge of ADHD adults taking on adult responsibilities, fucking them up, and then blaming it on the adhd.
“I forgot to put the mince out because of my adhd. I can’t clean my house due to adhd. I got bored of my partner because I’m adhd. I got fired from my job because of my adhd.”
No. You forgot to put the mince out because you didn’t ensure you would remember by doing something that works for your brain, like an alarm or sticky note. You can’t clean your house because you don’t have any self-built scaffolding to help kick the executive dysfunction. You got bored of your partner because you blocked out all of your other loved ones and spent 18 hours every day for two months with them. You got fired from your job because you were late or didn’t show up, which is unacceptable.
The bottom line for me boils down to picking a goddamn lane. Are you an adult capable of working a job, maintaining a healthy relationship, and living independently? If the answer is yes, prove it. If the answer is no, then don’t interview for the job you know you don’t care enough to keep. Don’t ask someone out who you KNOW will end up becoming an unpaid caregiver and start researching disability services online. If the answer is no, then find a group home to live in with nurses or trained caregivers.
Most Reddit posts centering around adhd are just circle jerks for ADHDers who have claimed a level of responsibility they know they either don’t care to maintain or can’t maintain. The amount of time I’ve seen conversations that go like “I hate it when my partner reminds me to do the dishes I said I’d do!” “I know right! Can’t they just understand how hard it is for me🥺??”
YES. adhd is a spectrum. But when you are actively choosing to hurt and inconvenience people by taking on responsibilities and then not fulfilling them… that’s on you. There is zero shame with admitting you need a caregiver or government help. I will fight to the fucking death to protect that right for every single person who needs it. But you cannot be averse to THAT life and then damage the lives of others because you refuse to take accountability, seek out medicine, seek out therapy, learn self regulation skills.
I KNOW there are adhd people who are going to come at me about how hard it is to even get started, and how overwhelming it is, how it’s so scary and makes them panic. Guess what? We all have tough shit to go through. I know it’s painful but you gotta have bite to match your bark.

What works best? And if money were no object, what would you need to feel functional again? I want to hear it all.

Hey, I have a question.

For years, while studying, i would always have on the tv or music because it helped me focus. However, lately (for around a year now), I need absolute silence to focus or simply hear my own thoughts.

Like I always have to pause music (I even stopped listening to songs with lyrics) simply to focus on my next thoughts/sentences while reading or writing.

I think it's kinda odd because for over 2 decades, I needed background noise because silence stressed me out, but now my ability to shift focus is completely gone.

I even started skipping lectures because I couldn't even listen and write at the same time anymore. So, I had to work on it on my own.

Does anyone experience something similar? Or has ideas on how to at least reduce this issue?

I want to share something incredibly simple that has had a surprisingly powerful effect on my anxiety and adhd.

For a long time, I felt like my brain was constantly stuck in fight-or-flight mode: racing thoughts, tension, urgency, overthinking, and the feeling that my nervous system was always searching for the next problem.

What has helped me regulate that state more than I expected is this:

Reading a book (a novel) extremely slowly.

And when I say slowly, I mean very slowly. Almost word by word, as if I were learning how to read again.

I do this for 30 uninterrupted minutes every day.

I do not try to finish lots of pages. I do not rush to reach the end of the chapter. I simply focus on each word, each sentence, and the story.

When my mind wanders, I do not get frustrated. I just notice it and gently return to the words and the story.

It is basically a form of mindfulness through reading.

The key is the slowness.

An anxious brain often wants to move quickly, predict everything, jump between thoughts, and stay alert. Reading very slowly creates the opposite rhythm. It forces the mind to reduce its speed, and after a while, the rest of the nervous system seems to follow.

The results I have noticed:

• More calm
• Better mood
• Fewer racing thoughts
• Better concentration, no Brain Fog.
• Better memory
• More awareness of the present moment
• Less of that constant “on edge” feeling

There is research suggesting that mindfulness, focused attention, and repeatedly bringing the mind back after it wanders can help with anxiety, emotional regulation, attention, and working memory.

I have not seen research specifically on reading this slowly, but for me, the mechanism feels very similar.

This is not a cure, and it does not replace therapy, medication, or professional support. It is simply a very basic practice that has helped me much more than I expected.

Try it:

30 minutes without stopping. A real book (a novel, with a story). No phone. No rushing. Read word by word, very, veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery sloooooooooooooowly.

Do not focus on how many pages you read.

Focus on being fully present with the words.

It feels almost too simple, but for me, it has been incredibly powerful.

tw mentions of self harm and suicide

There are 4 major universities in my country, and my parents want me to get into at least one of them. The earliest entrance exam out of the 4 is in about a month, and I’ve had all summer to review. Instead of looking out for my future and doing that, I spent those 3-4 months rolling around in bed. These exams are pretty hard, either due to the volume of topics included or the time pressure, and I haven’t been able to review for anything more than basic algebra, and these tests cover every lesson from 7th to 11th grade. If I can’t pass these exams, I won’t be able to achieve my dream of being a historical/disability studies researcher, because I won’t be able to get the quality education and massive upper hand from these universities, especially when it comes to the one with the soonest entrance exam. I feel like total shit. I know that I desperately need meds, have known it since the middle of 11th grade when I fully crashed and lost my handle on everything I was good at. I had more than 10 assignments missing at one time, I never slept for more than 5 hours per night (or just never slept at all), and I became irritable and less participative in class. My writing skills weathered it more than my other skills, but writing one sentence felt like pulling teeth. Which sucks because I love learning!! I love to write and read and research and argue and be creative, but I can’t do any of it because of this piece of shit disorder. I wish I could just pull myself up and force myself to do it, but I feel so numb to every deadline. I can’t get myself to focus, can’t get myself to even brush my teeth without persistent physical pain forcing me into it. No matter how early I get up, or how late I sleep, or how many alarms I set or to-do list systems I set up or workbooks I have in front of me, no matter how many fun apps I delete from my phone I just can’t get anything done. I only know maybe 3% of what I need to know to get a subpar grade on any of the 4 entrance exams, and I could totally catch up if my brain would stop holding what I need to do over my head like a grade school bully with some kid’s lunchbox. I really do need medication, and I used to have it! But my stupid 14 year old self got too in his feelings and decided to overdose on them and land himself in the hospital for 3 days. Which made them take my meds away, and which made medication and even therapy later on a touchy subject with the family. And now my family is open to getting me meds again, but it’s taking so damn long to get a session with a psychiatrist, and it will probably take even longer to actually get a perscription, and by then the entrance exams will have come and gone. I don’t know what to do myself. I really don’t. I feel like the stupidest, laziest guy on the planet, and I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if I let my future pass me by all because of some bullshit in my brain.

idk wtf is wrong with me but I just physically cannot do anything. I procrastinate tasks that are easy also like getting a refund or calling someone. Idc if my money is going down the drain but I just am not able to idk how to explain this and I forget everything and anything. I want to remember names but I just keep forgetting them. I forgot my swimming costume at the pool twice and countless bottles and the only reason I have not forgotten my phone is because I actively think about not forgetting it. I have done more than 10 things this past month. HOSTED A JOURNALLING workshop, revamped a gifting showroom that I own in my clg, started content creation, piano, singing, started learning the ukulele, went to swimming class went for a week then was absent for a week then started again. I don't know if y'all are able to make sense of what I've written but I just don't know. Why am I procrastinating tasks that take less than 10 mins

I need to get two refunds. Almost 60,000 inr and idk why I am not like actively sending my bank details I fucking wrote this but I am still not ighsywywgqyhwgwhwhwhwhwbwhwg

I’ve realized that being organized is actually making me more anxious instead of helping me, and I’m looking for practical ways to deal with it.

My executive dysfunction mainly affects abstract, long-term tasks like studying. Revising for exams isn’t something you can finish in one sitting. It’s a gradual process that depends on consistency and sustained mental effort. Those are the tasks I struggle with the most because they rely entirely on me.
I also tend to wait for the “perfect” moment before starting long-term tasks like studying. Instead of making small amounts of progress each day, I feel like I need enough time, energy, and focus to do everything properly in one go. I know this way of thinking isn’t helpful, and I’ve tried to change it, but I genuinely struggle to commit to long, gradual processes where progress happens little by little.

On the other hand, I’m usually fine with concrete tasks like sending an email, dropping off a package, submitting a document, or making a phone call. I use a planning app, and completing those tasks isn’t usually the problem. In fact, I tend to hyperfocus on administrative tasks because they feel urgent, and I can’t relax until they’re resolved.
The issue starts when many of those tasks depend on external factors. For example, waiting for institutions to process paperwork, waiting for refunds, missing documents, or being told, “It will take up to a month.” I can do everything I’m supposed to do, but I still can’t actually finish the task because I’m waiting on someone else.

Since everything is listed in my planner, all of these unfinished tasks stay visible. Even after I’ve done my part, my brain still sees them as “open,” and I can’t seem to mentally let them go.
So I feel trapped between two extremes: I hyperfocus on administrative tasks that I can’t actually finish because they depend on other people, while I struggle to start academic tasks because they require long-term consistency rather than immediate completion.

How do you deal with this? How can I reduce the mental load and anxiety while staying organized instead of feeling overwhelmed by my own system?

Hello!
Feeling very lost and confused. Abt 3 months ago I found my boyfriend of 6 years adding women on fb and instagram. I confronted him and at the end of it all said if it happens again, were done. 3 months later I see hes been adding girls again. I confront him and it is now he admits to the adderall addiction. He said thats wht hes been addicted to porn, mean, defensive, secluded, etc for the past year. now he wants help and to get better / rehab, but without breaking up or moving out. Idk how we can do this while still living together. It feels very uneasy around him and anytime weve tried to work on our relationship in the past he lasts maybe a month and we’re right back. Im also not sure i wanna keep forgiving him in hopes hell actually change when the pattern is that he continues doing whatever he wants it seems. Hes also saying im leaving him at his lowest point. I do understand adderall can play a role in this, but why did it take a year and me leaving for him to acknowledge the addiction and want help? Now all of a sudden hes eager to change and it was secretly his adderall addiction the whole time? What do i do??
TIA!

I’m 18 years old and I’m trying to write a book on the true side of ADHD. I was diagnosed with ADHD and dyslexia a year ago. I hope to help break down stereotypes. Please help my research by filling out my form. It will only take 5 mins. No need to write a lot. Thank you!!!

Yesterday my mind was blown. I'm finally getting my diagnosis after years of back and forth, the psychiatrist was asking a few questions about my mental state and asked about depression. I said that I have had several episodes throughout my life, described the symptoms and then she asked me if I ever lost interest in my hobbies during that time. That's when I realized that actually, no I hadn't, every time I was depressed I would instead get really into something specific to help me cope.

Apparently that's ADHD burnout, the symptoms are practically the same as depression, except the presence of Anhedonia.

This was unexpectedly validating and eye opening. I thought I'd share with you guys, in case it helps any of you figure your shit out.