r/mentalhealth

Hey all, quick list of content warnings: suicidal thoughts and substance abuse. I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts for a long time now, intermittently for about 8 years. It’s been omnipresent for the majority of my developed life. I have no intent, and do not desire it, but it wears me down every day. A solace I’ve always had has been pushing these thoughts down the road, metaphorically speaking. What I mean by that is I’ve always had some way to delay seriously thinking about it; there was always some way I could see myself living just a little bit longer, and finally make up my mind after that.
Times have changed, though. I’ve run out of excuses, out of bridges to burn, and I see no way to push this any further down the line. Before July ends, my parents will find out that I’ve failed out of college, wasting tens of thousands of dollars of their money in the process. This will leave me alone, with all my friends graduating, with no prospects or future. They will all find out that I have lied to them about every aspect of my life, big and small, for the past 5 years. I don’t think I’ll be able to handle the shame of this. I don’t feel guilty, I know I should, but for some reason I don’t. Frankly, I just don’t care anymore.
All of this together has led me to at least one realization: I don’t trust myself to make the right decision when the time comes. In fact, I’m extremely scared I will make the wrong decision. For this reason, I’ve been looking into self-admitting to the hospital, but I’m worried living there won’t be living at all, and it’s something I can’t find much information on.
This has all been a very long-winded way of asking; if you’ve been to a psych ward, mental hospital, or anything of the like, what is it like? Do you think you’re better off now because of it? And lastly, knowing what you know because of your experience(s), do you think it’ll help me? Thanks in advance.

to be honest, im not even going to waste my time venting why im like this, it hurts not to share but still hurts even if i do. About to turn 21 and id rather stay dead at 20 forever I hate this world so much.

Ive been through some stuff since i was younger, sa, sh, immigration, bullying, etc. And yeah it was sad and it was really hard for me to get through it. When i turned 15 my life started changing bit by bit for the better but this weeks a lot of stuff has been happening to me that are making me feel like there is no hope and nothing will change

The world is being fucked up, politicians are doing weird shit and no one really cares about it, the people that do care get silenced and the rest dont wanna “be cringe”, people are being overly cruel for no reason, the lack of sympathy is so insane, not only that but theyre getting dumber, i dont know any of my classmates that can ACTUALLY make a good project or test without telling some Al to make it for them, middle class is disappearing and only the rich and poor will stay and now countries are regressing and wanna take away womens rights? Why are we regressing? This is so stupid, my mom has been carrying my family for years working by herself, what would happen if she lost that right? What is going on? Im scared, i have little siblings, what if anything happens? At this point itd be better to just die

I was sexually assaulted by another kid in my childhood, my whole life i suffered from trauma responses regarding that, yet i feel so incredibly invalidated and I genuinely feel at times that i deserve and should get assaulted again by an adult so my pain could be valid

I said a racial slur, the n-word, when I was 14 years old.

For context, I was playing on the game with my best-friend, who would say the n-word a lot to be ‘funny’. I was constantly surrounded by people like this, which is also my fault, being naive; a young teen trying to make ‘cool’ friends. At the time, I knew it was wrong to say such a thing, yet, I said it anyway. She had been annoying me on purpose, and in the heat of the moment. I told her to shut up, saying the word after.

It was the only time I ever said it. The first and last. And my friend clipped it on her playstation.

Immediately after, I felt so guilty. So ashamed. I remember searching up the meaning of the word, watching educational videos surrounding its cultural and historical context. I had learnt so much. I had learnt the weight of what I had said. For my own being, I cut those toxic friendships off immediately (the ones who thought saying the word was cool or funny), isolating myself for a very long time. I found better friends.

To this day, I still feel consumed with disgust and anger at myself. I have amazing parents, who taught me so much better. I have never in my life been discriminatory towards anyone… no matter their race, religion, or sexuality ect. I acknowledge what I did was so incredibly hurtful and inexcusable.

I worry that one day that clip will resurface. It’s very scary having someone who you no longer talk to have a clip like that.

I have tried, and tried, and tried to forgive myself. But how can I? I actively contributed towards racism, even if I was young and stupid. I cry a lot about this topic.

Is there anything I can do to help this feeling? I am so full of love. I want to show that to my community. 🙂

To be clear before I start ranting, this does NOT include menstrual blood. I was an iPad kid in 2015, with nothing to do other then watch videos. My parents were always at work so I was left alone with my siblings. I was ALWAYS bored from having nothing to do, this caused me to pick up bad habits like nail biting, skin picking and biting the inside of mouth. I'd bite the inside of my cheeks until they were bleeding, and soon became obsessed with the sweet taste. A few years later when I was about 12 I started cutting myself because of emotional regulation problems during my parents divorce. I stared drinking and licking up the blood from the cuts and continue to do so. The taste is so addicting and sweet. I daydream about the feeling and the taste all day. I don't want help, I want to continue into the forseeable future. I don't even know why I'm posting this, maybe I just want to get this off my chest or maybe I'm trying to downplay this to a simple thing I enjoy doing. I have not one to confess this to so reddit is probably the best to get it out of my system.

I’m a 23F and something happened a few nights ago that I can’t stop thinking about.
I went to my regular bar by myself and drank way too much. I blacked out. The bartender told me I couldn’t drive, and a man who is also a regular there (someone I considered a friend, probably around 48–50 years old) offered to drive me.
After that, my memory is almost completely gone.
The next thing I remember is briefly becoming aware that he was performing oral sex on me. Then I blacked out again. The next time I regained awareness, he was having sex with me. I think he ejaculated inside me, but I’m not completely sure because my memory is so fragmented.
I don’t remember agreeing to go to his house, agreeing to any sexual activity, or even getting there. He later texted me saying he values our friendship and was sorry if he “fucked it up.”
I’ve been blaming myself because I know I get flirty when I’m drunk, and I keep wondering if I might have said yes while blacked out. But I also know that if I had been sober, I would not have wanted to have sex with him.
I’m feeling confused, ashamed, and guilty, and I don’t know how to make sense of it. How did you process it?

i’m an evil despicable excuse for a person. i’m 15 F and i’ve only ever caused suffering. i’m selfish. i don’t care about anyone else but myself. i have no empathy for others. i can’t even hold a straight face when it comes to serious subjects such as cancer. i never keep my promises. i’ve flaked out on so many promises and duties. i’m lazy. i can’t even force myself to get up from my bed to brush my teeth or shower.

i’ve stolen so much money from my parents behind their backs and for what? for me to waste it on material possessions that mean nothing?
i’m a waste of oxygen, but atleast im self aware enough to know.

i just wish i could have been born a normal person. maybe even a good person.

i’m just sick of this stupid life. i’m sick of the hotlines always rubbed in my face. i deserve to die; though i’d never have the guts to pull anything directly.

I’m a 20 year old woman and have been suicidal since I was 12 years old. I’ve never been able to go through with it or sh or anything like that because I’m too afraid of pain. I also don’t want to hurt my family. I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t have any ambitions or anything that wants me to keep going in life. I don’t have the energy for life, I’m too tired. I also feel very alone. Sure I’m always surrounded by immediate family and maybe some work friends but friends from high school or college all left me purely because they didn’t want to be my friend anymore. I’ve never had a boyfriend, never been on a date, never had sex, never kissed or even hugged a boy. When I get close to going on a date and talking to someone I get such bad anxiety that I throw up or get really bad diarrhoea (tmi) because I just can’t be around love. I want to be loved so badly, I want to have a boyfriend and be in love and everything that comes with it and feel safe. But the mere thought of actually being in that situation makes me feel sick to my stomach. I’ve never been to a therapist because when I even remotely go to discuss anything about my feelings or reveal even the smallest bit about myself I burst into tears and I don’t even know why. I’m too uncomfortable to discuss my emotions. But I’m not stupid so I figure it stems from my childhood- unaffection mother and father, manipulators, narcissists and mentally and emotionally abusive parents. Love isn’t something I deem safe. All these factors just make me not want to live. I have a binge eating disorder (self diagnosed as again, not stupid) and I eat my feeling away until new feelings of regret come through, regret of eating it all and spending all the money on it. I feel like I’m stuck in a never ending loop. My life gets good for a while and then inevitably I’m back to wanting to kms. I feel like since it’s already been 7 years of feeling this way it’ll never end and never go away. Any advice to end it all painlessly and swiftly or how to get better, if there even if a better anymore. I don’t believe in being better anymore.. it’s temporary. Thanks for listening, I haven’t shared this with anyone, some say it may be the problem but I physically can’t bring myself to do it.

Whats the point of hotnlines if they dont respond ive messaged 4 and non of they will reply im hysterical rightn now i want to cut im makeing horrible and embarrassinh​ decisions I jzut need someone why wont anyone help

No details are too much, please take me through what you changed, how you did it, when you did it (small steps, big steps) and most importantly, why you did it. What made you change? What made you act?

My name is Garrett, better known by my online personoia "Britten Studios", or "Raspberrydry". For the past month, I've posted fan art, theories, entertainment posts, ect. I created my account out of boredom, which would later become something more than that. My profile pic, I made myself in a digital canvas, to portray my innocent side besides my love for horror. The reason I make this post is because currently, from my self guilt, and hateful comments on some of my posts, I've been questioning if I should continue or not. For context, a day ago, I posted a question regarding a Pic I found, which spiraled into some of the worst hates I've ever seen, people saying that im retarded, stupid, ignorant, a failure, everything, even to the point of creeps wanting to know how old I was. The comments would spiral with my personal life, mostly with my family, and how I care for them, but people would just spit in my face and say "nobody cares". Like, how cruel is that? That post was deleted shortly after, since i already had it posted elsewhere. The day before that, I got a comment from my Wesker redesign saying that its "bad", and that im immature. Other than reddit, in real life, its different story. I suffer from depression. My mom, she was... a bit harsh but me and my sis deeply cared for her. Then, she passed, 4 years ago. Just a year after that, our beloved dog passed, and now my uncle passed. I miss them, deeply. I have stated before that im a very christian person, and I like the quiet, all I want is peace, let my self belifs harden. Only, as for reddit, from what's happened so far, even though I try to ignore it, every hate comment, every insult, was just enough to scar me mentally. Of course, I have found out who I am on here, im a creator, I always was. My arts get awards, upvotes, thousands of views, but from what's happened recently, I have to stop, just for a while. Im just at a point where I don't know whether to cease everything entirely, and live a normal life, or continue, with the chances of worse happening, and the worse that I fear, hackers, stalkers, people that could endanger my family. Comments and feedback against my current situations would be very apreciated.

All I got is my Internet life and is getting taken away

Not really sure what else to do so burner Reddit account it is. Been at war with myself since i was 15, lived in a very volatile home due to addiction and never really could rest even though on paper I had it pretty good. Shortly after mom got sober and I took my first deep breath since I was a little kid my best friend passed away by his own hand. I was 17 when that happened and I’ve been in a controlled spiral since, I’m 20 now and I’m starting to scare myself. Recently discovered that when it comes to relationships I either never allow someone a chance, or after the first interaction even alluding to romance their every move has a complete grip on my emotional state with highs being pure ecstasy and lows being noticeable by everyone around me. This can happen within minutes of each other. Without sounding arrogant I’ve generally been the “smartest” guy in the room among the circles I happened to be born into, and this has led me on a conquest to try and right my brain myself. At this point I’m not sure how long I can keep losing but I’m not sure what to do

I don’t know how any of this works and I’m not even sure if I can since I’m not legally considered an adult until 19 in British Columbia.

I am positive that I am depressed, and I believe a doctor is able to evaluate that. I also have a suspicion of ADHD, autism, and BPD or CPTSD based off of my childhood and relating to every symptom people have shared. I don’t know if I should ask my doctor about that since I don’t know if they’re able to diagnose those and I psychiatric referrals take over a year.

Above all else, I do want to get an evaluation for depression and ADHD to see if I can get prescribed with medication. How would I go about asking my doctor that? And how are those prescribed meds usually covered?

I (27M) feel lost. I grew up having it easy, to be honest. I had pretty high grades at school and did pretty good the first couple of years at university. But then, two years into university, COVID hit and I ended up addicted to video games, combined with depression, and I ended up dropping out. I took my time to heal and get back on my feet again and started university again a couple of years ago.

It felt good and felt like a fresh start at the beginning, but now I just feel nothing. I have a hard time studying or even doing basic tasks. Heck, I’m sometimes even too lazy to change my clothes or make food. Even at my part-time job, which is actually relevant to my field, I used to be more excited about it, but now I just get the job done and that’s it. Every day feels like a struggle, looking at the clock and waiting to go home.

The thing is, I know what depression feels like since I was depressed once, and I don’t think that’s what I’m going through right now. It feels like my brain is only looking to do stuff that is instantly rewarding, and I have a feeling it’s because of my previous addiction and extreme exposure to dopamine.

Thankfully, I never did drugs because I always knew that would be the end of me. But I do vape, and I think it plays a part in my problem too.

I’m struggling daily. And only started noticing this recently cause usually, I would get my drive to study from my colleagues and friends, as I’m a competitive person and I like a healthy, competitive studying atmosphere. But now, most of my friends have either finished their studies or are studying other fields so the issue became more clear since it’s affecting the most important part of my life at this phase. And i would like to understand my problem and find an actual solution to gain back control and stop being lazy and have an actual internal motivation.

I'm a guy and 5'2. I was born 6 weeks prematurely, and 5 pounds. When I was a baby, I was so small, I didn't even register on the height chart, and a Cabbage Patch Kid wore my shirts. I also had breathing problems and pneumonia and had to be in the NICU. My mom is 5'5, my dad is 5'8, my maternal grandfather was 5'11, my uncle and paternal grandfather are 5'8, and my maternal uncles were 5'11-6'0. My mom's cousins are 5'10-6'0 (one of them is a woman) and my girl cousin (my dad's sister's daughter) is 5'6. My sister was full-term, though, and she's 5'1.

I don't understand how I only ended up at 5'2. It's really been bothering me, and I can't get over it. And I'm tired of being told "height isn't a big deal!" when studies show that tall people are considered more attractive and make more money. It's embarrassing being shorter than almost everyone, including my parents, and being the same height as pre-teens.

I absolutely hate my life. I have nobody who ever texts me first. I was raised in a motel and still live in one at 19. I had a gf for a year and a half. I was in love and thought she was the one. But due to a combination of my own mistakes and my current situation she left me for someone she might while dating me. At the beginning of this year, I got into a car accident a day before I was supposed to leave for college. I couldnt make friends because I joined college during the spring semester and would go to PT at the end of the day 3 times a week. I only have my elderly mom and she doesnt understand me despite loving me and wanting to help. I have no car or ability to go anywhere. I honestly just hate my life. I don't know if I can keep going like this anymore... life has just been too much for me to handle. I am utterly alone with nobody. This is me begging to know there's other real people in this world.

I wish you all the best.

Hello everyone, I am a 23 year old man in college and am looking for advice or some insight on what is going on with me. As of the past couple of years I have noticed that I have become more emotional and tend to get teary eyed at things I hear about and see for complete strangers. For example I recently seen something talking about a young man who grew up only having his sister and that she was still all he had, but when I looked at the comment section it was a picture of another person saying that he wish he could have the same luxury to speak to his sister (it was a picture of his sister when they were young) and I genuinely got teary eyed and almost broke down crying but stopped myself and questioned what I was doing. I feel like a literal loser but at the same time this isnt the only time where I have felt like this and want to know what is going on with me. Is it maturing ? Is it me becoming more emotionally in tune? I have no clue what it is and want to know have other men had the same experience as I have had.

Basically the title.

I don't know exactly what is wrong with me but I feel really dissociated a lot of the time and have since I was (reportedly) a child . This affects me daily, obviously, but I have noticed how much worse it is during times of self isolation.

I'll be moving out soon and living on my own and I'm just worried I'll get lethargic and depressed. I'm very much a "roll with the punches" for most things and consider myself pretty stable, but this is the first time I've worried that my mental health will actually ruin my life instead of just being an inconvenience that makes me slower at tasks or thinking.

It's the first time where "I'm sure it'll be fine" doesn't really do much for me. I'm super thankful for my family for keeping me grounded without knowing it, and I'm glad people I care about are only a call away, but there's a lot they don't know that would just be hard to explain.

I had a pretty bad incident while driving because of my hallucinations about 2 months ago, and that was the first time that my own issues had actually been life-threatening for myself and others. It hasn't been that bad since, but now that that IS a possibility, I'm even more worried. That on top of the dissociation makes me concerned.

This isn't horribly comprehensive, there's a lot on my mind right now. I am excited to move out and have that freedom, but I also have started to learn my limits in the past year, and I'm worried that this will push me to those limits. Idk