r/mentalhealth

i hate it i hate being angry at everyone i hate violent i need it to stop edit: nvm guys im okay again :3 nothing 2 worry about

i don't know if it's the right place to post this or right flair, but i just feel terrible, i have a long distance relationship with a girl who's depressed and suicidal and im trying my best to go and spend some time with her or bring her here but every plan fails, now i finally got a job, i promised to meet her in june but my boss said they need me those days because many people will be missing. she's the only one hat made me feel like a person, like im worth and if i tried i could maybe hope and do something instead of keep failing and giving up, but she's hopeless and i feel too, i feel like i wont actually make it happen, like giving my best with the only thing ive ever wanted to do, to commit, to actually say "no i want this and im not giving up" in life wont happen and ill end up failing.

if i failed this i already decided that i don't wanna commit or try anything else, just live like a waste on the couch and rot and ruin myself by going to public places and offering people sex or stuff like that for useless money i wont care about just to ruin myself, be just some useless slut that deserves nothing.

idk if the post will be banned for this but i don't care at this point so yk, if you need anything and are willing to pay yk where to find my chat

Y'all, I'm not well in the head, not well at all. I've been to 5 or 6 therapists and have been too embarrassed/nervous/shy to really open up to them about my most pressing issue. How pathetic is that? ALSO, I tried opening up about my issue on Reddit and people just acted like I was crazy and told me "Go to therapy" which I've already fucking done but again was too embarrassed to truly open up for fear of being judged.

I'm on Effexor, Abilify and Wellbutrin and it feels like they aren't doing shit. I'm have suicidal thoughts every single day and they don't go away; it's out of control. It feels like no one can help me, not me, not family, not mental health professionals, not anyone in the world. My greatest desire is to be a completely different person because I hate myself so much, but that's impossible, and I'm at a loss here. Just had to vent.

i want to know

killing myself bye bye

I feel so bad, women doesn't like to be sexualised ( pr at least I think that), and even if I don't show or say that ( except 2 times in my life), when I see women skin, my mind goes wild, i get thousends of horny thoughts, for few times I even had dreams where I touch women. I can normaly talk to women, see them as persons respect boundaries, but when I am alone... evil happens and I litellary wonder if their skin is soft, etc..

So basicly I operates on two modes: One when there are people around, where I am respectfull, gentlemanish, carefull. And second when I am alone and I am horny, creepy etc...

So I don't know whats wrong with me, I am capable of respecting women, but at the same time my sex drive reaches cosmos. And that why I feel like abomination, because I am not complete gentleman nor complete pervert.

Should I go to therapy? Can therapist help with that?

Hello! Im very tired of everything, not depressed, just tired. I have a plan for life, simply: Draw and write all my comic ideas, then finished with life forever, before I reach 30 hopefully. i don't want some "Oh go get therapy" or stuff like that, I just want your honest answer to some questions.

1. Why does life last so long, but feel so fast?

-Like just a couple of years ago, I was enjoying my youth, and in the blink of an eye, it's all gone, now you have to be perfect, young, with 30 years of experince, but still 18, working like a robot for minimal wage that doesn't pay the bills.

2. Why do we tell kids they can be whatever they want when they grow up?

-Most fun activites don't pay the bills.

3. How long does writing and drawing 8 comics take? (Ik this is probs the wrong page to ask lol, but I might scrap some plans to make the time shorter)

4. How are you today? (Just a positive question here, might aswell make sure someone asks if noone did yet)

I need genuine answers pls!!

I was recently diagnosed with a lifelong genetic mental health disorder that I should've gotten diagnosed way earlier but my parents have always been abelistic and the "mental illnesses are not real" Kind of people. My entire life my parents have been gaslighting me into believing my life is amazing and perfect because they buy me expensive things and I have a nice room which has made me feel so horrible and miserable. I always knew something is wrong with me because every basic thing that other people seemed to be easily managing was 10x harder for me but I just got called lazy and told to "try harder."

Just now I've realized how horribly emotionally unintelligent and neglectful towards my feelings my parents have been my entire life which is one of the reasons I am this way and I feel like my life has been taken from me.

I hate my life, my parents genetics gave me a mental disorder that could have been at least treated but the years of emotional neglect have made it atrociously severe. People with any genetic chronic illness /mental disorder and everything among the lines should NOT reproduce, especially if they don't even know how to take care of kids.

I am so sad and angry. After getting diagnosed my mom just started calling me abelistic slurs and genuinely thinking she's being funny while my dad just ignored me. I'm so sad.

Edit: yall are slow, of course i won't ACTUALLY sue my parents - Its just something I would want to do if it was possible and normalized.

what the title said

My "friends" bully and body shame me constantly, and I'm exhausted.

They make memes and stickers of me and spam them in the group chat. It's not just a one-time thing they look for any excuse to randomly send my sticker and laugh at my expense. It feels like I'm the permanent punchline of a joke I never agreed to be part of.

I know I'm not conventionally attractive, but that doesn't mean I deserve to be emotionally tortured by the people who are supposed to care about me. Every time my phone buzzes from that GC, I brace myself. The anxiety of just waiting for the next round of mockery is exhausting.

It's genuinely messing with my mental health. My self-esteem is at an all-time low and the anxiety is constant , and I can't concentrate on anything . I have this exam in a few months and I need to study for it but all I can think about is how to deal with them.I dread opening the group chat, I second-guess how I look every single day, and I'm starting to feel like maybe they're right about me. Which I know isn't healthy, but it's hard not to internalize it when it never stops.

Has anyone else dealt with friends who treat you like this? How did you handle it did you confront them, leave the group, or something else? I genuinely don't know what to do anymore.

Don't you dare give up. The only person that can ruin your life is you. And the only person that can change it is also you.

It's hard to explain to everyone that today I don't have energy to hide my pain from you. Everyday I go through a lot of pain and a lot of stress but still I choose to keep it to myself and try harder. But now I am tired, I just want to be at peace even if it means to rest in peace.

Growing up, me and my dad were really close. Then he got married, and after they had kids together, I slowly became the outsider. I got treated differently in ways nobody else seemed to notice.

At 18, I got kicked out while they went on to build their perfect family and life with a new house, cars, luxury clothes, and plenty of family vacations I just recently found out about. Meanwhile, I was struggling, homeless at times, in abusive situations, and learning adulthood completely alone with no support system.

Now I’m almost 30, and I think I’m grieving the family relationships I thought I’d have by this age. My family acts like everything is normal while I feel erased from their lives. I’ve even heard that when they talk about me, they tell my siblings, “you don’t want to end up like yo_kashlee.” They even got rid of any photos of me and threw it in the spare junk room.

I think what hurts most is that a part of me still just wants to feel loved, wanted, and like I belong somewhere. I’m wondering if anyone else has gone through this and how you stopped carrying the sadness from it.

Wish I were in that boat again. Other than being mildly aware that I was fatter than the average girl of my age, I didn't think much of my body at all until I started developing breasts. i'd gotten the birds and the bees talk so I knew that breasts could develop at different rates, or take on a pointed shape early on. I figured they'd round out eventually. they haven't and i'm losing hope that they will. When I was about thirteen, I found out I had tuberous breasts.

Nowadays, it’s all-consuming. I’m constantly hyperfixated on my chest and how disproportionate it is to the rest of my body, and how it’d likely be 5x worse should I lose weight, among other things. Still trying to lose weight as I'd like the social benefits that come with being thin, and that’d be one less aspect of myself to hyperfixate on.

When it comes to looking for support online (have yet to find another tuberous breast girlie out in the wild, which is understandable considering how cruel some people can be, as much as they’d like to deny it), it feels like a lost cause. bar the ones in the actual tuberous breast communities, almost every single forum post i’ve found is utterly clogged with bullshit faux-positivity comments along the lines of “men won't care! tits are tits!” Maybe that's true if you’re on the milder side of things, and I don't really care about men in particular on that from (I'm a lesbian), but it would be nice for my hypothetical lover to care about my body in addition to the rest of me, actively desire it, rather than tread around it. Hell, I'd even like that for myself, but at this moment in time I'd happily settle for neutrality over whatever pit I've been stuck in for the past couple years.

It's either that or the ones who truly think that linking to niche porn subs where the crux of their "attraction" is that you’re fundamentally Not Normal is meant to do good for one’s self-esteem or confidence. Not even gonna touch on the ones who just outright deny the existence of TBD.

I've been SI-free for a couple years now but some nights I desperately want to relapse. Had a dream where I was looking into the mirror topless, staring at my breasts; they were not pornstar perfect or whatever, but they were significantly rounder than they are in real life. Genuinely wanted to pick up a razor and return to day one. I don't think I've had nightmares that made me cry as hard as that did.

But, like, mental nonsense aside, this shit's actually uncomfortable on a physical level. Boob sweat is a fucking killer, and I'm hyperaware of the way my undersides of my breasts chafe and stick to my torso, and how one's heavier than the other, or how that other leaves a gap in my bra. I'm aware that surgery's an option and I've seen results that give me hope about my situation. I've heard that breast lifts and areola reductions can fuck up the sensation in that area, which scares me, as does the possibility of major scarring (even worse since I'm dark-skinned POC and keloid-prone). Still think about fat transfer a lot though, and it's somewhat comforting to know that there's a solution out there. I’ll do anything not to be in this body any longer

Rant over. Thank you. Apologies for any typos that might crop up in this.

Ok this is really going to come off odd since I never asked this stuff, and I’m really really embarrassed to ask. But seeing on how many people just say really private questions on here I really need to ask.

Is there actually something wrong with me that most guys don’t like? Because I’m not trying to sound like someone who needs attention but I’m genuinely confused.

Idk it’s because I’m ugly or maybe a bitch, but even when I’m actually genuinely nice or try my best to look good it doesn’t really work at all. Matter of fact the only time I ever seen maybe a guy look at me is if they’re staring into my soul, like I mean DEAD into my soul and it kinda freaks me out (Mostly only at the mall or stuff), do I really look that bad or intimidating????

(Note: I might delete this later but idk since I’m kinda embarrassed to finally ask this)

I meet people online regularly. Mostly guys. And it’s the same every damn time. We chat, I find them nice, they are just out for sexting. I do it anyways. Almost never because I want to, but rather because they want to and I don’t want to disappoint them. It means nothing to me in most cases, yet when they stop caring about me (which always happens), I am extremely sad and kind of panic and I don’t know why. How do I stop myself from giving into these things that make me feel horrible, disgusting and frustrated afterwards? I want to (someday) find a real relationship with someone I love, not these brief flings anymoregg

Ive never been so confused and sad. Been tossing and turning all night. I love you forever Mishka 🙏 rest in peace

“Does anyone else repeat checking things?”

and I don't use that lightly. I genuinely feel like I am dumb. I'm 25, I don't have a job, I can't drive, I live with my dad and my comprehension skills are abysmal.

I can't handle shows unless they're for preschoolers with only a few exceptions like Precure, Ojamajo Doremi, Tokyo Mew Mew, Cardcaptor Sakura and Hamtaro. I have a hard time with a lot of movies with some exceptions like some of the Ghibli films like Kiki, Totoro, Arrietty and Ponyo. I get easily freaked out, have a hard time with noises or anything too cartoony and weird.

I just feel really awful about myself. I hate myself. I've even hated on shows like Cowboy Bebop or South Park in the past only because I'm jealous that others can handle them and I hate that I can't handle them. Even in school, when teachers talked, I didn't listen and they would scold me for not paying attention.

I'm genuinely a mentally challenged person and the fact that a KIDS show (like for ages 6 to 11) like Billy and Mandy or Ed Edd n Eddy gives me anxiety is really pathetic.

So for a pretty long time now I've been having thoughts that hold me back in every aspect of life, thoughts and voices that tell me I'm worthless, lazy, that I don't deserve what I have and other shit I'm too lazy to type out. Basic tasks seem like mountains, even things I enjoy like showers I rarely ever do, every other day I don't even want to get out of bed and I'm getting really tired, merely existing is exhausting because I have to fight to not believe my thoughts for two seconds. And you wanna know the best part? This is tame compared to the suicidal thoughts I had after many unfortunate events outside of my control, I genuinely wanted to not exist for an extended period of time, sometimes those might creep back around to torment me again every once in a while. All this while I'm still at the young age of nineteen and what does my mother have to say about this? "Nah, you just need to set a schedule" as if a scheduled day for me wouldn't be me starting it, getting distracted, realizing it and queue the self loathing for not even being able to follow a set path. I have tried to tell her that maybe therapy might be a good idea but again NOPE, so for now I'm just stuck here in this cycle until I get money of my own to get the proper help I need.