u/Key_Confidence_2579

I was sexually assaulted by another kid in my childhood, my whole life i suffered from trauma responses regarding that, yet i feel so incredibly invalidated and I genuinely feel at times that i deserve and should get assaulted again by an adult so my pain could be valid

I’ve been so happy recently, genuinely felt like I’m getting over my problems yet I’m starting to feel quite awful again, I don’t want to go back to that. What should I do

I don’t know what I should do, my girlfriend keeps being pushy or joking about the fact that I’m not intimate with her even kissing is something that comes hard to me, I told her I need time and that I’ve been through something very traumatic during my childhood but this just doesn’t seem to make her any more mindful, it hurts me I don’t wanna go in details with her about what happened I don’t even wanna name it I’m scared she would tell some of her friends I’m not comfortable with knowing, idk I’m just not brave enough to talk about it with her yet, but I did tell her there’s a traumatic reason why I need more time and it just hurts my feelings, idk what to do

when i was younger im talking about as young as 5-7 (i cannot remember the exact age this happened) me and my childhood friend found bdsm porn video (one where a thief broke into a house and had sex with a woman, it was rather harsh) online watching it together, shortly after i was sleeping over at their house, and on that sleep over we bathed together. now during that bath my friend started to "play" with me, they would basically threaten to touch my face with their private part if i dont comply their commands which were for example "hold your breath", they would also repeat some phrases from the porn video. at some point they did touch my face and mouth without asking and i remember their parent walk in on it but did not stop it, which makes me doubt what happened was valid, and it makes me think that im just trying to be a victim, i dont know if its important to add but through out my whole childhood i displayed trauma responses such as humping items, in my early teens i struggled with being hypersexual (still do) and i always felt intense pain even thinking back to this situation, yet i always feel like im just making it out to be a big deal and it essentially wasn't that deep, that others had worse experience happen to them and me even thinking i was harmed it taking away from their pain.

Today I learned that mutual friend of me and my girlfriend have talked to my girlfriend about our relationship, the friend called me “asexual” and a “fake bisexual” who’s dating my girlfriend only because she’s more masculine and i pretend she’s a guy, this isn’t true at all, and all those comments my friend made stem from me and my girlfriend not kissing, the thing is i openly told my girlfriend I’m not comfortable with it yet due to my problem with intimacy and being sa’d by an ex friend in my childhood, and that I’m still processing and healing from it (this also is my first relationship ever), so my girlfriend had to complain about lack of kissing to the friend for her to know, and she didn’t shut down the conversation speculating why I’m like this (even tho I opened to her about it). Is it wrong to feel betrayed by it?

Today I learned that mutual friend of me and my girlfriend have talked to my girlfriend about our relationship, the friend called me “asexual” and a “fake bisexual” who’s dating my girlfriend only because she’s more masculine and i pretend she’s a guy, this isn’t true at all, and all those comments my friend made stem from me and my girlfriend not kissing, the thing is i openly told my girlfriend I’m not comfortable with it yet due to events from my childhood I’m still processing and healing from, so my girlfriend had to complain about lack of kissing to the friend for her to know, and she didn’t shut down the conversation speculating why I’m like this (even tho I opened to her about it). Is it wrong to feel betrayed by it?

We were both children and both girls, she was a year older and we both watched a “rape fantasy” porn video together, later on during a bath at her house (we bathed together) she started playing a game with me that was her threatening me to touch my face and mouth with her genitalia if I don’t do what she told me, a bit of this is a complete blur but I remember her touching my mouth and face with her genitalia without me agreeing to any of it, as well as her dad walking in and doing absolutely nothing with what was happening which leads me to believe I’m just overreacting and blowing things out of proportion, mainly because she never touched my genitalia, just my face and mouth with hers.

I know it happened, both me and the person who did this, I’ve been coming to terms with it for a year now yet anytime I call myself a victim I feel AWFUL, like I made it all up and just want to pretend to be harmed and that I wasn’t actually hurt and just blowing stuff out of proportion

I’ve experienced hyper sexuality from my very childhood, the cocsa I went through isn’t really something I heard much about or maybe it’s because I tend to invalid my experience all the time so it’s hard for me to relate because I feel like other people had it worse, but what happened involved the person touching my face as well as my hands with their genitalia (we were both girls) without asking while we bathed, during that they repeated phrases from a violent porn video we saw and before that they threatened to do it to me if I don’t listen to them, is it valid for me to assume that my hyper sexuality came also from that? Or am I just reaching because I often feel like I’m just being dramatic

I’m dating my current partner for 3 months now, and throughout that they always mention wanting to kiss, tried to make a move but we never kissed and they are overall rather pushy to be intimate, I rejected most of those interactions because I’m simply still not comfortable with intimacy due to cocsa I experienced in my childhood, it’s really hard and I know I’m disappointing them because I asked for some more time and they said that it’s hurtful towards them when I don’t match the energy, what should I do? :(( I’d like to also mention it’s my first ever relationship

im from europe, ive missed out on entire highschool experience bc i got homeschooled during those years, it was my choice so i dont blame my parents but im sad i never got to experience highschool, im extremely lonely but plan on going to normal collage, does social life get better there?

For context, my relationship with my girlfriend is really falling apart and I’m going through it but when I text the people that always promise they are there for me, I get ghosted or just really vague replies. And it just happens constantly, in situations like this it really just seem to prove my point that nobody will care if I die or harm myself

im kind of confused on this matter, is the machine god sort of like new gods or more like ascended god? or something entirely different, also if it is an ascended god, why was Reila right as a vessle? sorry if this question is silly, im still rather new to terminas lore