r/HomeschoolRecovery

New to reddit (I've been a silent lurker for a while though) and not a hundred percent sure this subreddit is the correct place for my ranting, but it seems like some of you have had a somewhat similar experience to what I have had and I just need a place to vent.

I, 19F, am almost 2 months into college and just now realizing how much my education, specifically homeschooling/online schooling, has fully screwed me over. 

I haven't been homeschooled my entire life and only began online school in 8th grade. My dad was in the Air Force, so my family moved around a lot. I had being doing extremely well academically all throughout elementary school but right before entering middle school my family moved to Germany and this move was the beginning of the end for me. My parents thought it would be a good idea to enroll me in a German middle school so I could be "immersed" into German culture. The German school I went to was not known for its academics at all but had a program for foreign students trying to learn German which definitely appealed to my parents because they thought it would be soooo cool for their kid to be able to be bilingual and just forgot about the fact that I needed to actually be learning subjects like math, science, english etc?? Instead all I learned was German, and absolutely nothing else (I only became semi fluent, and have completely lost it now). When we moved back to the US halfway through eighth grade, I started online school.

The program my parents chose was very rigorous  and although I tried my best to keep up, the content was extremely difficult due to my lack of academic foundation and I struggled to pay attention in my live online classes. So I started cheating on pretty much all of my work. This was completely my fault and I feel super guilty because of it, however, there was no accountability and my parents never checked in to see if I was doing my work and just assumed I was. I continued doing high school online and learned very little. It was too easy for me not pay attention in class and not do the work. Instead I spent a huge amount of time mindlessly perusing the Internet, watching YouTube, playing video games, just slowly rotting my brain away. I was also completely isolated. I never left the house, I didn't know anyone as I had moved to a completely new place, and even though I begged my mom to get me involved in a co-op or some kind of extracurricular she dismissed me. I genuinely made one friend the entirety of my high school years and that was because she was also a lonely homeschooler and our moms had us meet up occasionally to socialize (sort of like a playdate for 15 year olds...). 

Fast forward a few years, I'm now in college and the safety bubble of being home all the time and avoiding the real world has popped. I'm very much struggling (shocker!), with a high school diploma I 100% percent didn't earn. I'm also in the honors program simply because my mom wanted me to be (I know it was technically my choice to enroll in the honors college but the sad truth is I've gotten extremely used to having my mom dictate my entire life). I forced myself to write all 6 essays for the honors college application, and my mom "refined" them as they obviously weren't that good. 

I honestly didn't have much interest in going to college probably partly due to the fact that I've been rotting inside my room for the past 4-5 years doing nothing, but it was expected of me by my parents so of course I went. The workload feels impossible and I can barely understand any of what we're reading (currently Plato's Republic). I struggle to contribute to discussions, come up with original ideas, and write essays (or even a coherent sentence as you can probably tell from this post). Sometimes I'll spend hours reading a few pages and still have no idea what I've read. I genuinely know nothing and I think I'm pretty much functionally illiterate.

Socially I'm doing pretty awful too. I don't have a single friend and I haven't gotten the opportunity to even try to put myself out there or join clubs because I have so much schoolwork to do which leads to me spending hours in my dorm or the library slaving away over content I don't understand. I don't know how to talk to people as my mind is just completely blank and I never have anything to say. I've had no life experiences or funny stories I can share, and my entire past feels like a blank slate. I eat my meals all alone, all the time, and it feels genuinely impossible for me to form connections, as I literally have no interests, passions or personality. I've never felt truly comfortable around another person my age and nothing comes naturally to me as I'm always thinking of the next thing to say.

I'm just completely crumbling. I've stopped caring about my physical appearance and I have had multiple people comment on how tired I look. I've been sick for almost two weeks now, and I'm struggling to keep up with basic self-care (eating, showering, doing laundry), falling behind in my classes, and constantly comparing myself to my roommate, who seems to manage college and friendships effortlessly. My parents are paying a lot of money for me to attend this expensive private college, and I feel awful that they've wasted all that on me. 

Doing pretty much nothing for all of high school means my work ethic is really bad, and I have no discipline to do any schoolwork. Instead I just rot away doomscrolling in my dorm because it's what I'm used to. I hate myself and my life everyday, and feel like I'm destined to be a failure with no future who works a minimum wage job forever and lives in her parents basement.

I'm so close to just giving up entirely on ever being "normal". I don't know why I thought college would change anything, and I feel so robbed of having the "college experience". My mom was homeschooled too, but seemed to have a much more well rounded education. She was able to go on to college to thrive academically, make friends, and eventually meet my dad. I'm also incredibly jealous of my younger brother. My parents decided that homeschooling him would be too much of a hassle, so he's been in public school his entire life. He's smart, has plenty of friends, and seems to have the opportunities and foundation I wish I'd had. I can easily imagine him going far in life, and I'm happy for him, but it hurts to compare our experiences and wonder what mine could have been. I just can't believe this is my life! 

Sorry for the ridiculously long rant and I don't know if anyone will read this, but I just needed to get this off my chest. I really, truly appreciate if you got this far as I feel so so alone and terrified.

I just feel like everyone I talk to can see me as this incapable socially malnourished man-child. I know that’s probably not what they are thinking, but it’s obvious that I struggle with chatting and I’m pretty inexperienced in everything. Like my opinions and what I want to say sounds good in my head but then when it’s time to actually speak to someone it’s just not… right, robotic. It’s not that I’m just really insecure, usually when I’m alone and living in my own head I can completely distance myself from my shortcomings and I get excited to talk people, but then… I’m not me, I’m this failing thing. Like im regular at this nerdy place right, and I try to talk with the clerk at the shop when it feels cool, and a couple weeks ago (I don’t remember the context) my dad made this joke about him being the one that pays, it just upset me you know. I wasn’t offended, but it was true, it’s just gross.

Sorry to vent, I’ve never really posted anything like this before

But I dont know how. Genuinely. Like where to begin at all.

I have been unfortunately homeschooled all of my life. Zero help from my mom who did the typical stick a book in front of the child and hopes it understands.

Yeah then I got a screen in front of my face with unlimited internet access. So. Yeah.

Im 18 now and im very very ashamed to say I am still in pre algebra. Ive been trying to get my shit together since I was 14-15. But what has held me back so hard is my mom. She has a hoarding problem and it had drained me so bad for years. I was always cleaning it up. I spent most of my life doing just that all day every day. And when I did have free time I was too exhausted to do anything with it.

And then I got a job and was bullied for being homeschooled there. But I didn't want to leave cause it was all i had with the outside world. Anyway. I am still very depressed with how my life turned out. But I can't sit here with it anymore. I want to have an actual life.

I have another job now, just a fast food place but I actually really really like my coworkers. They're the best thing that happened to me this year. Unfortunately its not enough to live on. Im even full time and savings can only get you so far.

So i need suggestions on where do I even start? I was thinking of getting my GED. Or trying to Anyway. But where from there? No one has explained the process to me. I was thinking of a couple of careers. But im still not sure. Anyway, any tips would be great! I want to turn my life around for the better and not become someone hopeless again.​

Ive been "homeschooled" for almost 10 years now (kept inside and taught nothing) I was pulled out of school, because of my parents separation/attachement issues with me and my brother.

I recently realised how fucked up the whole thing is, and that I want my independence. Im about to turn 17, and im planning on trying to move out at the end of the year. I got 2 jobs, started meeting people/making friends, and im working on enrolling myself in school for next year. It all has caused huge arguments and problems, but i kmow its worth it so I wont be stuck here forever.

Anyways, my parents attachment issues have come back WAY worse. They will literally whinge and whine and complain at me, when im just trying to go to work. Theyve also started babying me and stuff. (Raising the tone of thier voice, asking if i need help with things ive haven't needed help with since i was 5, treating me hanging out with people like its a play date etc)

And I get empty nest syndrome and stuff like that, but like, its almost as if they are angry and upset and jealous that i have friends, and im working.

Like theyre upset that they aren't the only thing my whole world revolves around.

Also the way they act is making me really uncomfortable.

And my parents have also always had issues with full on helicopter parents, and being super over controlling. But now, everything is a full on integration. Not just normal questions that an involved parent would ask, but it genuinely feels like a police interview. Like, as an example, I had gotten a lollipop from the break room at work, and for 10 minutes they wouldnt let up about "where i got it from" and they weren't listening when I said it was from the staff room. (There's been so many examples though)

But then, they will just get pissed off at me over nothing, and just give me the silent treatment for days, and act as if Im super suspicious or doing something illegal.

As if working 13 hour double shifts most days isnt exausting, coming home and having to deal with all this IS SOOOOO EXAUSTING!!!!!!

Like genuinely, why are they like this?!?!? And what can I do to stop it???? And has anyone else experienced it!??!?

(Ty to whoever reads this! Any help is appreciated!!) Sorry if parts dont make sense im so tired rn)

I yapped a lot in this post so I added a TLDR at the bottom of this post!!

I was in public school till 4th grade when the pandemic hit, however, during the pandemic my parents were having major marital problems that essentially caused me to become educationally neglected. I was going through extreme mental problems already without including the isolation of the pandemic and then that with my family on the verge of falling apart it just all overwhelmed me, so I turned to ignoring my problems by spending all my time in fandom spaces online and daydreaming having a better life. Once the pandemic ended and my parents decided to stay together my mom basically... never brought up my education? I've always had super bad anxiety when it comes to education (throwing up before school, unable to sleep from endless anxiety, extreme stomachaches that could take my appetite away for days) and while my mother never did physically punish me over school, she would make comments that if I ever went below a b she would, which only made me more anxious that if I asked about my education she would notice that I was slacking and she would punish me,, so I just never asked.

Now I am 16 turning 17 in January and my mom "unschools me" which just means that she let's me stay at home all day, she doesn't provide me with anything to educate myself at all and I moved across the country at 13 so I know no one near me that'smy age that I could talk to about this. She has brought up that I'm going to need to get tested for my GED a couple times these past months but ??? I only have an education of a 4th grader, 5th at best. I guess she's just going to throw me in the testing room and hope it's a 4th grade state test?? Which obviously is causing me to freak out with unbearable anxiety and even worse, I get incredibly frustrated when I don't understand things and I start to sob, so I'm horrified that I'm going to go to a testing center, walk in, flop embarrassingly hard while also sobbing the entire time. I didn't realize I was being educationally neglected until last week when I saw a Tumblr post talking about it, I've done a little digging and I've found a couple reddit posts of people my age talking about being in the same situation and wanting to return to public school,, which don't get me wrong, I am shitting bricks about having to go back to school a be a super senior with a bunch of mean teenagers, but I would like to get at the very least my Highschool education.

So, I'm basically wondering, how do I do that? How would they catch me up to Highschool education? Would it be wise for me to do it? Should I just wait until I'm 18 and try to study for my GED by myself? (Though, I will admit I'm not sure if I have the self discipline to teach myself while utterly clueless) I am my sister's only babysitter rn so I probably won't be able to do it until next year when I am 17-18. I live in North Florida and from what I saw when I did a quick search it is possible to be in highschool past 18!! I don't think my mom will fight me on it based off of a previous question she asked me earlier this year so I'm nervous about basically everything but asking her. I'm mainly posting this in hopes that anyone that has been or is in a situation like this can tell me what to expect to help with my anxiety, but honestly any reply to this post whether it's reassurance or advice!! :]

TLDR: Haven't received education past 4th grade, I would like to go to public school at 17-18. Would like advice and what to expect IF I do go from people that have been in similar situations, however, any advice or reassurance would be greatly appreciated too!!