u/HunterSketches7

If you want context on what's been going on the past week look at my recent posts. In short my parents are acting like fhey are gonna divorce.

This post might no be the most relevant to homeschooling, but I think the reasoni have someone these problems I'm gonna talk about is beacuse of homeschool.

So my situation Is theclassix one. Homexchooled jn the middle of nowhere, never go to the doctor, only go to church, yk the drill. Beacuse of the homeschooling curriculum being so bad and not even counting for anything In the future ive just straight up stopped doing it. I want to try to still do math but I have so little motivation rn I've basically given up.

Since I'm only expected to stay alive and not much else j really just stay in my bed all day. I never go outside, never exercise or talkto people. I spend over8 hoursa day online with lack of anything better to do. I usually get really into shows or movies that u submerge myself in to kinda distract myself from everything.

I've known that homes hooling would have affects on my mental health but I really underestimated how nbad it would be. I've had depression for 3 years and counting, suicidal ideation for 1 and cou ting. I've had auditory hallucinations before and beacuse of the lack of social anything g I talk to myself in my head 247, I've done it so much sometimes when i space out I keep having conversations even when I'm not conscious of it.

Physical health has also gotten extremely bead recently, I have scoliosis that's not being addressed, I need braces but we don't even go to the dentist anymore. I've stopped showering or doing basic hygiene as much as j should beacuse of the depression. The worst one is my eating disorder that has gotten WAY worse recently, it doesn't doesn't that there's never any food here. It's so hard to eat anything. I gagged trying to eat applesauce yesterday. (Also none of the mental and physical heath problems are being helped either beacuse my parents dont care or they don't think it exists)

I just feel so bad rightnow. I've been spqcing out alot more, I hardly ta,k anymore either. It's hard to get out of bed. My head feels weird, it feels like nothing is real and nothing is actually happening.

I cut myself withaplastc knife a few days ago. I dont even know why i did it but it scabbed over cuz it wasso deep and I think it might scar.

Going in public. Is terrifying. Beacuse I'm always scared I'm going to pass out beachse I'm not eating enough I don't even want to leave my house anymore. It makes ges me so mad eacuse I'm so fucking stupid I ca teen function like a normal human being

Idk ig what I'm trying to say is that I feel like im dying. Literally. I cant eat hardly anything and I dont even see the point in surviving anymore. I can barely feed myself, and going in public right now feels like genuine torture. I cant even admit myself to a psychic ward or call someone to help me with my eating disorder beavuse my mom took away the internet beacuse she's mad I told Murad she was calling this guy baby and baby on a video game.

I'm just scared. I feel like im gonna die soon wether its by starvation or my own hand. I think this is tyeworst depressive episode I've had ever. I feel so weak and just getting out of bed right now is exhausting, however retarded that sounds.

Every time I sleep idont feel rested at all. I feel like nothings real when I'm awake. I canteven eat or shower. I ca nt even call for help. I don't know if anyone would even help me. I dont know if they could . I think I'm gonna die soon and I dont think there's anything i can do about ut. Nothing makes me happy anymore. Doing basic everyday the gs is exhausting. I'd rather fucking die then go in public right now. I just wanna stay in bed and rot away

please dont dm me bc I can't even stay logged into my account for long rn and I suck at talking to people.

Can anyone relate? I feel like bc I've been sheltered for my whole life going in public and seeing people and actually like doing something is so weird for me bc Im not used to it. Like i WANT to go in public but at the same time I dread it. Idk how to explain it sry

I also think it's especially bad bc I have an ED and I struggle to eat sometimes. (if only my parents thought EDs were real so I could get medical attention HAHAHAHAHA) I once passed out in a restaurant bc I had essentially starved myself so now every time I go in public I'm scared it's gonna happen again. And it wouldn't even be a concern if I had like gotten better about eating but recently it got way worse so my anxiety also got way worse.

Sorry I'm uh new to this sub, I'm 14 and I don't even know if I have an ED but I'm like really underweight and I haven't eaten almost anything in the last few days. 2 years ago I actually almost passed out because I was eating so little, uh no one really freaked out about that so I thought it was normal but thinking back on it i don't think it was.

But back to present, I've been really depressed lately due too uh a lot of reasons, and I do fucking know why but I can't eat shit. I feel horrible and weak and no5 to sound stupid but Im scared. I really dont want to pass out again that was one of the worst moments of my life. But I can't bring myself to eat anything I feel like I'll gag on it.

If it helps I don't exercise all that much either. Its never been my priority, bc I eat so little I don't think I would be able to do it without passing out. I also, if I being honest Im not trying to sound really fucking stupid bu5 I barely leave my bed anymore due to my uh mental health. I know it's dumb but I feel like shit ok

Do I need to go to a doctor? And uh is there any foods that will keep me alive that are easy to eat?

EDIT: Uh ok some nice people dm' d me and helped me out so I'm stable for now, but if anyone has any like advice?? I guess?? that would be really kind of u :)

So my mom is like a narcissist, she is addicted to a video game and spends literally all her time in this "gaming room" she has and plays this game from like the moment she gets up (which is like 12:00 btw) too like 2-5 in the morning?? Shes in there so often I haven't even made eye contact in weeks.

I can't sum it up but basically she's a horrible person and a even worse parent, RN she's low-key probably depressed and shit, her room is a pigsty, she only showers once every like 2-3 weeks, and a lot more. And since my dad is never home cuz he works n stuff whenever he comes home my mom tries to cover up how bad home life is. Like my mom is in charge of homeschooling me and my four siblings and she never does, to the point we're basically unschooling, but right before Dad gets home recently she's been randomly asking the kids if they need help on school. And she will help them in front of my dad so it looks like she actually schools us. And she covers up how she's on the game literally all day, she never showers, ect.

But anyways, sorry home life is so shit rn it's hard to sum up and explain lol. But my sis was snooping in he gaming room t9 try and find snacks (bc my moms to lazy to buy groceries so we low-key have no food) and sh found a alcohol bottle and shot glass hidden away in a bag. There's no way in shit my dad knows she has this btw. Like should I b worried? Like she's been acting rly depressed for like the past few months, plus everything else I already said, like idk is this normal?!??

"Dont worry I know it's hard right now but just wait until you're 18 then you can move out and escape to collage you will be fine! <3"

And then I scroll and immediately see "I'm an adult now and I can't get better" "still can't talk to people at 30 years old" "I'm never going to be normal"

I hate this. I hate having 10+ hours of screentime because I have nothing better to do. I hate not showering beacuse I dont have the energy. I hate never leaving the house because I can't go anywhere. I hate having no freinds. I hate not having an education. I hate not being able to force myself to do school. I hate being the weird homeschooled kid. I hate being different. I hate being homeschooled. I can't even express the feeling. Knowing I'm never getting out, seeeing all these people having fun, hanging out with freinds, going to school, and I've just spent the whole day in Instagram indulged in a stupid fucking fantasy to escape everything.

"We homeschooled to keep you safe" "we planned to do this for 15 years before we had kids" "we planned to not drive you around all week" "we planned to live in the middle of nowhere" "we planned all of this". They literally planned to have A FUCKING CHURCH be the main way I socialized, and then they switched churches to one that had NO FUCKING KIDS. and then they have the audacity to say "well public school isn't for socializing" when I asked to go so I could have freinds. NIETHER IS A FUXKING CHURCH?????

I literally can't even talk to people. I've been deprived of all the basic things my brain needed to develop and now I can't do jack shit. I can't hold a friendship for more then a few months I'm suckph a fucking loser

there's no hope man. I'm never gonna go to public school, and even if I do it's going to be in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of asshole country kids. I'm never going to go to college, or learn how to drive, or move out, or learn how to keep a job, or even GET a job, it's fucking hopeless. There's no fucking way out, my fate is sealed to be the dysfunctional restarted price of dogshit that has no job or future and ends up killing themselves.

And yes,I'm the fucking kid that posted about how I wasn't going to make it. And how I was going to call CPS. Where's the update??? THERE IS NO FUCKING UPDATE. CPS WONT DO JACK FUCKING SHIT. I DONT EVEN HAVE THE GUTS TO CALL THEM. IT. IS. HOPELESS. THERES NO FUCKING HOPE, THERES NO WAY OUT, IM DONE.

I'm an atheist. last year they took me too a VBS. I met someone there and we were freinds (not for long) and the next VBS is in a few days. It is the one. The ONE. Thing I have been looking forward too. I'm a fucking atheist. It's some shitty, cult ass program and I'm exited to go because I have nothing else. This is why I can't keep freinds!!!! Literally once said "hey the youth group is going to bla bla bla you want to come?" And they said no. And looking back on that HOW WEIRD IS IT THAT THE DUDE YOU KNEW WAS AN ATHEIST, AND KNEW YOU WERE AN ATHEIST WHENT "HEY LETS GO TO A RELIGIOUS MEETUP". I was t even thinking when I said that, because I FORGOT HOW ITS NOT NORMOL. Because the only fun thing I do is some religious bullshit I forgot that most PEOPLE ACTUALLY HAVE A FUCKING LIFE AND DO OTHER SHIT.

Literally I'd say vbs was the funniest thing I've ever done. For most kids that's like boring. For me it's everything. It's like the classic "im homeschooled and I get exited to go to the godamn grocery store because I'm a retarted loser with no life"

I've been trying to express my feelings though art. It's helped a bit, but at the same time it's terrifying that the only way I can portray this shit is like horror art, and gore and people's brains exploding and people stuck in cages, yk?

When people look into the future they probably see them being successful. They might of started a family, got their dream job and home, and are now enjoying life.

When I look into the future I see nothing. I can't see myself living that long. Hypothetically if I were to make it that long, well I see me on the streets. No job, no freinds, nothing. I see that when I die, no one is coming to my funeral. No one knows I exist.

I just feel so hopeless. My future is non-existent, I'm probably not making it to my twenties, I'm never gonna get a job or be normal or go to collage or do anything. All I do all day is scroll. Nothing else to do. I indulge in stories and fictional characters to escape everything. I'm a fucking loser and the worst part is that I have no other choice. "Go be productive" and I literally can't do half my school bc it's creationist bullshit. "Get off your phone" and I have no hobbies other than art, Ive lost the energy to do that, and WHA5 AM I SUPPOSED TO DO??? "DANG, YOU KIDS SHOULD REALLY GET KUT OF THE HOUSE MORE" IF ONLY I WONDER WHY I CANT LEAVE. I WONDER WHY IM TRAPPED HERE. WHKS FAULT IS THAT HYPOCRITICAL PEICE OF SHIT. IF YOU WAN5 ME TO GET OUT OF THE HOSE WHY ARE WE HOMESCHOOLED IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE. WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME.

and I know you are going to comment "call cps" "call 911" "get help" "it gets better" shut the fuck up. Don't even bother. I can't get help, it won't get better, and there's nothing me or you can do about it. I'm not trying to be the negative asshole, and ik "with that attitude it DEFINITELY won't get better!" But I give up ok???? Im just trying to vent my frustrations and shit, leave me alone

Ok little story time, my birth name is Mary. It's a really old-fashioned girly name, it means like "beloved" and "beautiful" and I don't really match that at all lol. They named me after my great grandmother (or smthn like that idk never met the lady) and I low-key hate it. I'm not trying to be ungrateful to my parents or anything but i never even met my great grandmother, and the name itself is really old and corny, plus I'm trans so it just doesn't work at all.

I'd prefer to go by an intersex name, more masc-leaning tho. I don't care about the same meaning too much, but if it had a cool meaning that would be sick. It doesn't have to start with M, I tried to find a good name like that and I settled on "Mazzy" or "Maz". I don't hate those names but they sound to close to my deadname, plus they sound like the classic "I picked my own name that had Z in it to sound cool". (I didn't do that, it was genuinely the best M name I could find).

I think it would be cool to base it off of like myself, like my zodiac sign or hair color, stuff like that. So here's some stuff ab me if u wanna go off that: Im ginger, I have blue eyes, I'm almost 6', my zodiac sign is picres, my fav colors are orange and blue, (complimentary colors :3) im an artist, uh idek anything else, I like video games?

Thanks in advance :D

My parents are yelling at eacother. So much is going on. Our house is trashed. The litter boxes haven't been changed in months. There's dog piss everywhere. No one does the dishes. No one sweeps. Cleans. Everyones rooms are trashed.

My sister's bed has a flea infestation for a year. She was getting eaten alive. Only told us a few days ago. She slept in a chair because it got so bad. Everywhere else was too dirty. My mom gave her a sheet and a sleeping bag, and she wouldn't use it because the floor was so dirty. Me and my siblings had to be responsible for getting her a cot, blankets, and pillows so she wasn't sleeping on a goddamn chair. She still don't have her bed clean after a week of this.

Everyone's depressed. No one cares. I know I should do my school. I know I should help. I can barely get out of bed. I know I should did this but I'm just trying to stay alive.

Every day is the same. Misery, pain, isolation, abuse. Misery pain isolation abuse. Same thing every day. Living is a lot harder when you know the next four years are going to be the same hell you've been living in for your whole life.

We don't go to a doctor. We were going to go to the dentist tomorrow but we canceled because my mom is a psychotic piece of shit. (She cancelled because we are having plumbing problems. Now she's saying she "doesn't have the energy too take us". It makes no sense). My siblings don't brush their teeth. I barely brush mine. They were never taught to wear deodorant. I can get the motivation to. They don't take showers half as much as they should. This is because we were taught to only shower before we go into public.

I'm scared for my siblings. The one with fleas in her bed was supposedly hitting her head on purpose on her bedpost. I think that's self harm but I'm not sure if it's severe enough. One of them has a inconsistent personality. One of them almost ran away. One of them is too young to understand.

My dad is the classic bread winner. He runs a business. His goal is to make twenty million dollars by selling it. He has been trying for over twenty years, I think. He works for horrendess hours. Says he's tired of it. Says he hates it. He says that money isn't everything. That it's just the key too freedom. But it's slowly taken over his life. He always complains about not being able too spend time with us while we're young. It's his own fault. He chose to chase an unrealistic dream when he had dive kids and a wife and now he's suffering the consequences. Why didn't he just get a simple job? He could just get a nice job that doesn't overwork him, but still gets us by. But he chooses to ruin his life over a far fetched dream.

My mom. My mom irredeemable. Narccictst, marter, conspiracy theorist, should I go on? I can't sum it all up. When we were younger she would tell my sibling that they would go too prison. She is raising us Christian. We are so isolated and dysfunctional is be surprised if we all made it too twenty. She plays video games all day. She talks to people on the game about how she would take drugs and become an alcoholic. She once called someone Daddy. She also used to meow at men on the game.

Once my parents got into a fight. My sibling started it but for good reason. They were in the right. She started it with my mom. My mom got mad and called my dad like a lab dog. Bitched about how he should be the man of the house and stand up for her. My dad rightfully didn't pick a side and left. After that my mom got super pissed. I overheard her the next day when he was gone. She was on the phone with her friend bitching about how he didn't stand up for her, even though she was in the wrong. She said he was unfaithful, or somthing along those lines.

She works for my dads business. She doesn't work. Ever. She stays at home all day playing her game. She once said that she should do no well and "still bring home that fat paycheck" word for word. Shes a horrible person. And she's ruining our lives. From what ive picked up she only is married to my dad for the money. (He does make a fortunate amount because he works ridiculous hours).

All the freinds I've had left. I have one right now. Don't know what to say. What to do. I like her a lot. But I can't maintain it. It kills me

I'm not going to make it much longer. Can't call for help. Don't think it would work anyways. No way out. Its already over. They won. They fucking won. They wanted to control us and they won. They wanted to destroy us and they won. My sister might kill herself. I might kill myself. My brain hurts. Pain all the time. No way out. Four more years. No one to hear our crys. It's over.

Every time I make one of these posts I can't even sum up the shit going on. Mom is narc that controls, and manipulates, dad watches as it happens and does nothing, house up is In shambless, siblings depressed, one self harming, one almost ran away, all of us might die, pet's are being abused

How do I call CPS if I don't have a phone and I live in the middle of no where. I could ask my friend but I don't want to do that too them. They have shit going on too. It's over

I don't even want to die I just can't live THE SAME FUCKING DAY OVER AND OVER AND OVER AT ANPGAIN IM GOUNG T. KILL MYSELF I CANT NO FREINDS NO FUTIRE NO WAY OUT NO ONE TO HELP US JUST KOLL ME ALREADY I HAVE NOTHING OF USE I HATE IT HER I NEVER SHOULD HAVE BEEN BORN EVERY DAY IS JUST SUFFERING WHILE EVERY SINGLE FUCKING ADULT THATS SUPPOSED TO BE RESPOTHAS TURNED THEIR FUCKING BACKS ON US FUCK YOU ALL BURN IN HELL HIMANS SUCK THEY JUST WANT TO TAKE AND HUET AND KILL I JATE KT HERE I HATE IT HARE WERE NOT GOING TK DUCK8NG MAKE IT TOK OUR GWENTYS WERE SO SPDYSFUNCTIONAL WE CANT EVET GO IN PUBLIC WE DESERVE TO END IT WERE NEVER GOING TO FUNCTIONAANYWAYS WHY LIVE IF ITS JUST GOING TO BE FUCKING MISERY OFR 5NE REST IF YKUR FUCKINB LIFESPAN ITS NOT EORTH IT KILL YOURSELF KILL YOURSELF FUCK YOU

I'm not going to make it

All the ones I've seen are locked behind premium 😭

EDIT Im on mobile btw!!

I low-key just watch tommyinit and his friends from 2021 just fucking around and having fun. In his vlogs, mod vids, or old streams whatever it just helps. Just watching people living life and having fun really helps ig

I took a 3 month break from school due to burnout and now I'm reaping the consequences. It's not even like THAT much extra school, but that on top of trying to deal with life and mental illness is horrible. I'm really really trying to not fall behind again but it's so hard. My brain feels like it's going to burst.

It also sucks when I spend an hour on math just to get half the fucking problems wrong. Like it was a lesson ab shapes and parrolellagrams and quadrilaterals and bla bla bla like that shits to confusing man I give up 😭 😭 😭

Like how to do you keep motivated when you have extra school and so much shit going on in life on top of being isolated and abused like I can't man this fucking sucks.

Yippie im one year old 👍

(this is a repost like said, I want to keep I up bc people said I made really good points so I want to keep it up from reference lol).

TW: S*icidal ideations, depression, ect. also this is kinda a vent so also Tw.

OG POST:

I'm just in pain man. I can't.

Everywhere I look online it's "I'm homeschooling my kids"! "Can't wait to homeschool my kids"! All of the thousands of arguments that say homeschool makes you smarter. I'm done. I don't know if it's just abusive homeschool families that turn out dysfunctional. But nonetheless anytime I see anyone saying that they are homeschooling I get like RAGED. Like no joke I want to punch something.

All the public school kids saying "man, I wish I was homeschooled it's so much better". Oh yes, it's so much better to be isolated and dysfunctional. It makes my blood boil. Like I understand that SOME homeschool kids turn out ok (maybe in rare cases actually smarter then public school kids) but the majority do not turn out ok. And I'm tired of everyone saying they do.

I stand by this, a NORMAL parent WOULD NOT even THINK of homeschooling. It wouldn't even cross their mind. The ONLY. REASON. people homeschool is to CONTROL. THIER. KIDS. like I can understand wanting to protect your kids from the dangers of the world, but holy shit. There comes a time where it's too much. There comes a fuckin time where it's not protecting, it's helicoptering and controlling. AND YOU CANT PROTECT THEM FOREVER. BAD THINGS. W I L L. H A P P E N. THATS HOW YOUR KIDS GROW TO BE BETTER PEOPLE. HOLY. SHIT.

If you genuinely had a good homeschool experience it tells me one or two things, A: you actually had a good experience. B: You are so brainwashed that you THINK you had a good experience, when really, it was abusive and miserable and because of the extreme indoctrination, you are none the wiser.

If kids were given the choice man. The choice to choose which one they wanted to do. If t parents didn't have complete control over them. It would be so much better.

Because of homeschool Im completely miserable. I've never held a friendship for more then a few months. I've only seen kids consistently for 5 days ina row ONCEIN MY LIFE. I will never be normal even if I go to public school. Ihate this. All I want is to be normal. And ik everyone's going to say "well just beacusee society says you have to be normal doesn't mean you should" ...do you know what happens when a kid isn't normal? They are isolated from their peers. They. are. miserable. At this point I don't even have to speak for everyone. I. Want to be normal and be in public school. That's what I. Want. I don't care if I'm bullied. I would rather be bullied, and have to wake up early, an not learn at my own pace, and TURN OUT NORMAL, then be who I am now. Not everyone thinks like this or wants this. But I. Do. So let me have it.

I get that both have flaws goddamn it. BUT THE THING NO ONE GETS IS THAT HOMESCHOOL ISOLATES, INDOCTRINATES, AND TURNS YOU DYSFUNCTIONAL, WHILE PUBLIC SCHOOL ACTUALLY DUCKING TEACHES YOU THE GODDAMN LIFE SKILLS YOU NEED TO BE A FUNCTIONAL. FUCKING. ADULT. BOTH. SUCK. ONE. SUCKS. L E S S. GET THAT THROUGH YOUR THICK ASS SKULL.

If ANYONE looks through this sub FOR HALF AN HOUR they will see the shitty reality that is homeschooling. It's unorganized, sloppy, and is the PERFECT setup to abuse your kids, LEGALY. Like the ideal, best version of homeschool, IS LITERALLY PUBLIC SCHOOL. THERE IS A FUCKING REASON THE SCHOOL SYSTEM HAS BEEN AROUND FOR SO LONG.

Homeschool raises you with a false reality. You DONT have to get up early. You DONT have deadlines. You DONT have to do school. You DONT have to learn at a pace that isn't the best for you (aka you learn at ur own pace). You DONT have to have responsibility.

Now, I think this is the reason why homeschooling is so appealing. Like, when you read that, it didn't sound bad. Infact, is DID sound better then public school. But the key factor in that is that it is a fantasy. It raises you unrealisticly. Because when you are older you WILL have to get up early. You WILL have deadlines. You WILL have to do work. You WILL have to learn things on a time crunch. And you WILL have responsibility.

See where this is going. In public school you HAVE to get up early. You HAVE deadlines. You HAVE to do school. You HAVE to not learn at your own pace. And you HAVE to have responsibility.

Now, keeping this in mind who would function better in the real world? The homeschol,ed kid who was raised in a false reality, then shoved into the harsh reality at 18, or the public schooled kid, who was raised with the harsh reality, and by 18 was prepared to have a job, and work, ect.

(The answer is the public schooled kid. DUH?!??)

now, the problem is this isn't how it should be. In a perfect world, you WOULDNT have to get up early, you WOULDNT have to have deadlines, ect, ect...but the thing is we don't live in a perfect world. It's not wrong to wish we did, but you have to face the reality that that's just how it is.

My sibling actual said, this, but one of the reasons people homeschool is because of the dangers of public school. (Plus all the flaws in public school) And they said, "instead of inventing a WHOLE NEW SYSTEM because our current one is bad, why don't we MAKE PUBLIC SCHOOL BETTER. make public school the ideal homeschool experience. Make public school safe. Make public school better".

And while this would be the best outcome, it will probably never get that far. Something else me and my sibling talked about is the fact that the world will always have bad in it. There's always going to be bad people, there's always going to be bad, unfair systems. But that's reality. We talked about it more and it got to the topic of yinyang. I never gave much bought 5o it more than "it's a hocus pocus symbol" but now I kinda get it ig. There will always be bad people. But there will always be good people with them. There will never only be bad or good people left on this Earth. Because that's the reality. That being realistic.

The moral of the story is that while public school has flaws, it prepares you for the real world. And homeschool does the opposite.

Parents, I understand where you are coming from, but just know, from a homeschooler, it isn't what it's cracked up to be. It makes me want to end my life, and it has come to the point where I have permanent mental issues from this that will be with me for the res of my life.

Don't. homeschool. Period. I don't care WHAT people tell you. Don't. Do. It.

(I've been writing this for like 1:30min and it's almost one in the morning so cya. I'll probably edit this more to include more points on why homeschool is SHIT. bye)

(uhhhhhhh this turned into a vent oops-)

It's my fault tho but lemme catch u up- since last year I've started doing school again after being severely neglected and not doing it for 2 years. I finished my 6th and 7th (or 5th and 6th idk) grade math books PLUS half of my pre-algebea book in less then a year. I was really motivated to get my life back together.

I also did half of my science book, finished a small grammer book, and under half of my writing book.

Now this might sound good, and it is, but since I was doing so much school, around February I completely stopped doing anything due to burnout. Now, this time it WAS my fault for skipping school, but come on man it's so fucking hard to be motivated when you are in a situation like this. Waking up knowing everyday is going to be the same and you are slowly losing your mind, yea not the best for mental health.

So, since I got so behind I started doing school again a week ago. And it's not going well :,). I mean I can manage but holy shit I have to do so much school so I can catch up.

It's especially bad because I need to finish all my school by August so I can attempt to get into public school. And yes, I know it probably won't happen. But the thing is if I am forced to do one. More. Fucking. Year. If. Homeschool. I will probably not make it. I'm getting in or I'm going to die.

Idk like ik every normal person has to do school + hates it but fuckkk man it's so miserable knowing the next 2 1/2 months is just going to be school. No friends, no fun, nothing. Like I know it as to happen but it's so miserable. I barely get out and I'm not eating meals anymore. This reminds me i haven't showered in like 4 days. And it makes doing basic hygiene like brushing teeth feel impossible and pointless. I'm so unhealthy rn

About the "no friends".. uh so I made a "friend" last June and they seemed to really like me, but we only saw each other for 4 days. We started texting and now we just haven't since September. I recently emailed them to just be like "hey sorry I haven't talked in ages life's been rly hard, but I wanna be friends w u so if u wanna start talking again here's my insta" (I emailed them cuz my main communication method was compromised, long story). And they haven't responded. It's been a few weeks.

Idk. Over the past uhhhh like 3 years? 4? I've made a total offf 3 friends. One of them I don't even like, I never even see them cuz they stopped going to the church I go to, so now they just send me letters. And they're also homeschooled, and they are on the more "I am severely isolated and indoctrinated and I don't even have access to the Internet" endof the abuse spectrum... (I was lucky enough to be on the "awkward but at least has Internet+ broke free of indoctrination" side) So even tho they r 14 they act like they are 10. I don't even want to talk to them bu5 I do bc I know they have no one else.

I had another friend who was normal and public schooled, but since I'm homeschooled it just didn't work out.... I remember I could only see them on fortnite and they were never on bc well, DUH they r normal and go too ducking school. I would literally stalk them waiting for them to get on. Once they got on when I got off for dinner, I came back and saw that they were on and almost had a breakdown bc I missed them. After 5thst I because paranoid of missing them and was on the game 24.7.

And this friend had other friends that would come on and play with me, but reflecting back on it they really did not like me, not even my friend really liked me, they all just pityd me.

And the friend I gmailed I thought was special. I thought the were the one. Finally I could just talk to someine and not be alone forever. Then they left. Idk if I'm being paranoid but bc we only saw each other for 4 days, PLUS the fact that they are normal, why the fuck did they like me so much? IDK why and I hope they wernt trying to manipulate me for whatever reason. Tbh I don't think they were but I think bc everyone has done that or let me down now I'm just paranoid.

I miss them so much. Other then those 3 """friends"" I've had th occasional" I'm going to make an online friend so I not alone!!! "" Phase a few times, and it ever lasted for more then a day. Everyone leaves.

And that's why I just don't care anymore I guess. Freinds are pointless. Friendships are a living nightmare to sustain, and every time you put in the effort to do so it just comes back to bite you. It makes everything worse. Sure, I would love to have one, but it won't happen. It's too hard,and besides no one gives 2 shits anyways jajaja- I guess I'll just stick to my delusional daydreams and fictional characters that will never be real

Ok that got way off track uhhh oops.

Oh yes I've been listening to music aswel. To help me focus during school + help me deal with all the shit going on. It's mainly Stomach book and jack stauber. Idk with stomach bookssomgs when she screams in them bro I feel that... And with jack stauber I relate to just feeling weird in his songs. Tbh my music tast is chopped at but I do recommend them.

But yeah gotta catch up while dealing with crippling loneliness and knowing it might not even be worth it jajajaja yayyyyyy

FUCK FUCK FUCK DCUK FCUKC FUCKCUNCHHDHDHDHDBNSHHS

I'm just in pain man. I can't.

Everywhere I look online it's "I'm homeschooling my kids"! "Can't wait to homeschool my kids"! All of the thousands of arguments that say homeschool makes you smarter. I'm done. I don't know if it's just abusive homeschool families that turn out dysfunctional. But nonetheless anytime I see anyone saying that they are homeschooling I get like RAGED. Like no joke I want to punch something.

All the public school kids saying "man, I wish I was homeschooled it's so much better". Oh yes, it's so much better to be isolated and dysfunctional. It makes my blood boil. Like I understand that SOME homeschool kids turn out ok (maybe in rare cases actually smarter then public school kids) but the majority do not turn out ok. And I'm tired of everyone saying they do.

I stand by this, a NORMAL parent WOULD NOT even THINK of homeschooling. It wouldn't even cross their mind. The ONLY. REASON. people homeschool is to CONTROL. THIER. KIDS. like I can understand wanting to protect your kids from the dangers of the world, but holy shit. There comes a time where it's too much. There comes a fuckin time where it's not protecting, it's helicoptering and controlling. AND YOU CANT PROTECT THEM FOREVER. BAD THINGS. W I L L. H A P P E N. THATS HOW YOUR KIDS GROW TO BE BETTER PEOPLE. HOLY. SHIT.

If you genuinely had a good homeschool experience it tells me one or two things, A: you actually had a good experience. B: You are so brainwashed that you THINK you had a good experience, when really, it was abusive and miserable and because of the extreme indoctrination, you are none the wiser.

If kids were given the choice man. The choice to choose which one they wanted to do. If t parents didn't have complete control over them. It would be so much better.

Because of homeschool I'm probably going to kill myself. I've never held a friendship for more then a few months. I've only seen kids consistently for 5 days ina row ONCEIN MY LIFE. I will never be normal even if I go to public school. Ihate this. All I want is to be normal. And ik everyone's going to say "well just beacusee society says you have to be normal doesn't mean you should" ...do you know what happens when a kid isn't normal? They are isolated from their peers. They. are. miserable. At this point I don't even have to speak for everyone. I. Want to be normal and be in public school. That's what I. Want. I don't care if I'm bullied. I would rather be bullied, and have to wake up early, an not learn at my own pace, and TURN OUT NORMAL, then be who I am now. Not everyone thinks like this or wants this. But I. Do. So let me have it.

I get that both have flaws goddamn it. BUT THE THING NO ONE GETS IS THAT HOMESCHOOL ISOLATES, INDOCTRINATES, AND TURNS YOU DYSFUNCTIONAL, WHILE PUBLIC SCHOOL ACTUALLY DUCKING TEACHES YOU THE GODDAMN LIFE SKILLS YOU NEED TO BE A FUNCTIONAL. FUCKING. ADULT. BOTH. SUCK. ONE. SUCKS. L E S S. GET THAT THROUGH YOUR THICK ASS SKULL.

If ANYONE looks through this sub FOR HALF AN HOUR they will see the shitty reality that is homeschooling. It's unorganized, sloppy, and is the PERFECT setup to abuse your kids, LEGALY. Like the ideal, best version of homeschool, IS LITERALLY PUBLIC SCHOOL. THERE IS A FUCKING REASON THE SCHOOL SYSTEM HAS BEEN AROUND FOR SO LONG.

Homeschool raises you with a false reality. You DONT have to get up early. You DONT have deadlines. You DONT have to do school. You DONT have to learn at a pace that isn't the best for you (aka you learn at ur own pace). You DONT have to have responsibility.

Now, I think this is the reason why homeschooling is so appealing. Like, when you read that, it didn't sound bad. Infact, is DID sound better then public school. But the key factor in that is that it is a fantasy. It raises you unrealisticly. Because when you are older you WILL have to get up early. You WILL have deadlines. You WILL have to do work. You WILL have to learn things on a time crunch. And you WILL have responsibility.

See where this is going. In public school you HAVE to get up early. You HAVE deadlines. You HAVE to do school. You HAVE to not learn at your own pace. And you HAVE to have responsibility.

Now, keeping this in mind who would function better in the real world? The homeschol,ed kid who was raised in a false reality, then shoved into the harsh reality at 18, or the public schooled kid, who was raised with the harsh reality, and by 18 was prepared to have a job, and work, ect.

(The answer is the public schooled kid. DUH?!??)

now, the problem is this isn't how it should be. In a perfect world, you WOULDNT have to get up early, you WOULDNT have to have deadlines, ect, ect...but the thing is we don't live in a perfect world. It's not wrong to wish we did, but you have to face the reality that that's just how it is.

My sibling actual said, this, but one of the reasons people homeschool is because of the dangers of public school. (Plus all the flaws in public school) And they said, "instead of inventing a WHOLE NEW SYSTEM because our current one is bad, why don't we MAKE PUBLIC SCHOOL BETTER. make public school the ideal homeschool experience. Make public school safe. Make public school better".

And while this would be the best outcome, it will probably never get that far. Something else me and my sibling talked about is the fact that the world will always have bad in it. There's always going to be bad people, there's always going to be bad, unfair systems. But that's reality. We talked about it more and it got to the topic of yinyang. I never gave much bought 5o it more than "it's a hocus pocus symbol" but now I kinda get it ig. There will always be bad people. But there will always be good people with them. There will never only be bad or good people left on this Earth. Because that's the reality. That being realistic.

The moral of the story is that while public school has flaws, it prepares you for the real world. And homeschool does the opposite.

Parents, I understand where you are coming from, but just know, from a homeschooler, it isn't what it's cracked up to be. It makes me want to end my life, and it has come to the point where I have permanent mental issues from this that will be with me for the res of my life.

Don't. homeschool. Period. I don't care WHAT people tell you. Don't. Do. It.

(I've been writing this for like 1:30min and it's almost one in the morning so cya. I'll probably edit this more to include more points on why homeschool is SHIT. bye)

I need foster parents. Or a new legal guardian. Anything. Please. My parents don't hit me so IDK if I can get in but I need to try. The worst they've done is not care when my sibling was hallucinating for like 2 months and the fact that our house is groos. Like dead animal on front porch, never clean toilets, never clean litterboxes groos. Is that enough abuse evidence to get me out of here.

Would a phych ward work? Can you stay for long periods of time?

Is there anyway to call cps or police without a phone or phone number. If I could do that it would be a start.

Please help me I can't stay here anymore I need to leave now.