r/sexualassault

First of all I want to excuse myself If my Post isnt whats normally posted, I didnt know If I got SA and I have no one to talk to about it so I have to go to this Community. I Just need someone to tell me

I first want to say that english isnt my First language so maybe I say things wrong.

Anyway I have a problem and I dont know If I can discuss this with someone. I (14 year old girl) have a friend who is the same age and gender as I. Now we have gymnastic together and she often playfully slapps other girl on the butt but its consented and all of them do that to eachother. I never did this and I also dont want that people touch me because I hate it. Well today in Sport she playfully touched my butt and I was shocked. I never consented to it. Maybe I didnt Scream about it but I did ask her If she Had to do that. Which she said that she Had to. Maybe I sounded as I was laughing (which I wasnt). I am now very nervous of her, I didnt like it and it disgusted me. But is it SA, I never got teached what the Rules are. I dont know If it was SA, was it?

ive had a few traumatic experiences but this one is deffo the worst, due to how stupid it made me feel, and what lead up to it.

ive always been a very outdoorsy person, I live in a place with a ton of mountains, fjords and forest and nothing to do other then explore

since winter is freezing I go out swimming every summer all summer, my family owns a private area you go through to get to a small lake, the lake itself is public but you need to trespass or get permission to get to it

when im all alone there I enjoy nude swimming, before you judge this is a very isolated area and if anyone walks by they cant see any details as long as im in the water, I wrap myself in a towel the second I exit the water and only do so when I know im alone

there are signs that the path is private but no gates of course so people walk and hike there sometimes, they say hi and walk past and I akwardly say hi back wondering if they can tell im nude

im sure you know where this is going

one evening a man was walking on the trail in full hikers gear, backpack, tent and everything, when he saw me he stopped and made small talk, I tried to give as short replies I could from the water

he then moved on to asking what im up to and moved closer to the water, at this point I (politely) mentioned the trail had been private property in hopes of him leaving

he dosent leave which bugged me since I was getting really cold, and at this point I did the stupidest move possible, I asked him to leave because I was nude and couldent get up before he left, trying to sound playful so its not as emberassing

for context the area is tiny, everyone who lives here knows everyone (although I dident know him) I was used to random people stopping to talk to you over nothing and not taking the hint and leaving, I genuinly dident know he might be dangerous, just annoying.

he did not leave, he laughed at me, asked if im an exhibistionist and refused to leave, but offered to get my towel and close his eyes, I was freezing and it was almost dark by this point and saw no future where he would fuck off so reluntactly after what felt like forever I left the water.

what happened felt like 100% my fault for a long time and I still struggle to process it, I did so many mistakes and was so naive, beyond everything that happened that is what messed me up mentally the most

i have been with my boyfriend (24 male) for two years now, he is very sweet, he feels safe and takes care of me he is also generous and ambitious and handsome and supportive, he has connections and generational wealth and comes from a good family who absolutely loves me.

we had some minor disagreements but nothing abusive, if anything i was always the one with a temper and he was more patient with me.

the only red flag about him was how easy it is for him to get into a physical fight, he said he gets an adrenaline rush when he hits someone, but he never done it to anyone who didn't attack him first..., he got arrested more than once because of this.
i didn't overthink this before, because it was true that he didn't start those fights

something happened 6 months ago, i have blocked it out of my brain until now.
we have made out before but i didn't go all the way because i wanted to take things slow. but we started growing serious so after a while of being together i went to his house and we talked beforehand and agreed to do it.

when we started i was okay in the beginning he was gentle and made sure i'm comfortable, but he flipped me on my stomach and started being too rough, way too rough, i was hurting, i told him i'm in pain and i told him to get off of me, i told him i can't breathe.

he used his body weight to hold me down, i screamed so much my voice was gone, i didn't even say anything i was just screaming from pain, he told me to say a safe word if i felt anything was wrong so i did, he told me to repeat it 3 times, and i did repeat it i thought he didn't hear me but he did he just didn't care , when he finished he asked if i'm okay but i wasn't completely conscious at that point idk if it's the pain or the screaming or that i couldn't breathe for 10 minutes, he held me and kissed my head and got me water
then started crying and apologizing for "going too rough" insisted to take me to see a doctor, he said he didn't know what got over him and that he just couldn't control himself, i didn't think this was rape i think it was a miscommunication or that he really just went " too rough " i mean i did give consent in the beginning. and he was already feeling so guilty and trying to compensate for what he did.

i had an internal injury after that incident followed by months of painful treatments and complications, the crazy thing i have completely blocked this from my brain i had no memory of this until a few days ago, it was easy to supress it because of how good he treats me and how much i'm in love with him and because even in the following times we had sex he never repeated it.
but this memory keeps resurfacing and i don't know how to live with it. i don't even know how to feel about him.

This is difficult to talk about, but I’m a fan who has recently experience coercive control, financial manipulation and other non-consensual stuff I won’t get into. It all started with a work offer, and what I thought was attraction. It quickly turned to suspicious love bombing to straight cruelty once I was isolated. The perpetrator was a popular dj, and idk how many details I can offer without endangering myself/giving myself away. I think they wanted to escalate the relationship very quickly, and when I wanted to take things slower, they began weird, sadistic behavior. They’d say cruel things, take my money, not answer me when I spoke, take me to random scary spots (such as the edge of a cliff at one point), hurt me “accidentally”, drive like a crazy person and make subtle threats disguised as jokes (once they held up a weapon at me while we were just chilling with no segue or warning whatsoever). It all happened so fast. You have to understand that it all started out totally normal and even loving, and then switched to sketchy so quickly, I half doubted what was happening. The places I went with him, I didn’t speak any of the language, so it was difficult and expensive to simply up and leave. I got away and I’m mentally/emotionally recovering. The more I come to my senses, the more I see how serious this person’s behavior was toward me. Not only did I lose a “relationship”, but also money, peace of mind and physical safety from someone with a great reputation as a genius talent, artist and philanthropist. I guess I just need to hear that I’m not alone in this experience and somehow warn people that stuff like this happens.

I just watched Moulin Rouge, and there is a rape scene. It's not extremely graphic but did cause some massive discomfort. And I'm aware that's the point, but it's been an hour, and I'm still having shaking spells. I'm just checking that it's normal.

Do any fellow survivors identify with this? I’m not sure why I did this and need help understanding it.

One of the last times my abuser (ex bf) and I “had sex,” it was a completely different experience than it usually is. After he had been asking for sex and poking me w his boner for the past hour I ended giving in like always; I had felt obligated to and wanted to get it over with. I should mention that this happened 95% of the time we had any sexual contact, and I usually get in my head during it and some sort of trauma comes out. This time was different though because instead of faking pleasure, my entire being went completely numb and I was just laying there limp while he was inside me. I had felt like an actual object in the sense that no emotion or feeling was firing in my brain. Anyway, he surprisingly noticed that I was acting strange and asked me 3 separate times if I was ok and if he could continue. Each time he asked, I became increasingly annoyed with him for asking. Why? I have no idea. I obviously did not want this, but I blurted out “yes I’m fine stop asking me” anyway. After the third time, he had gone soft since he could feel that the energy was off and stopped. Usually he uses my body to finish himself off anyway, but this time, he didn’t. Afterwards, the numbness continued and it wasn’t until a day later that the emotions all hit me at once and I broke down.

This whole thing was just so strange and a new type of trauma response for me, I also can’t help but feel guilty about lying for no reason. Any insight is appreciated, thank you.

is that SA or is it rape?

I do sex work or prostitution myself, i started to when I was 15 I don’t remember the exact time, but I started then. I am -18 now but older than I was then. It was Online and in person. I do it all,as in I operate it and controll it. I want to. I feel stupid for even asking cuz I want it and sa is so serious. My friend told me it was trafficking. I can’t believe it. Is. Can someone help me. Please, I’m stuck. It has left me with a weird feeling in my body

I thought I had gotten over what had happened to me a few years ago, but it has recently been bothering me and I’m struggling to cope. Sometimes I feel like what happened to me isn’t even considered sexual assault because of the way I handled it, but most days I understand that I reacted the way I did to get through what was happening. Mostly posting because I need to vent and say what happened because I have no one that I feel I can tell. Warning: I will be giving details.

I was in a phase in my life where I had been through a bad break up and was hooking up a lot. I met a guy on an app and we chatted for a few days and agreed to meet up. I picked him up and brought him to my place (I realize this was stupid, but I had done this before and nothing bad had happened before) When we got to my place I realized that he was pretty drunk. I think about this fact a lot to excuse his behavior. We started having sex and I liked it at first, but he was doing things that I didn’t like and when I voiced this I was ignored. I was honestly really scared and it became painful and I told him multiple time that it was too much and I needed to stop. He told me we couldn’t stop until I came and started fingering me very roughly. So I pretended to come so it would all be over. After it was over he asked if I was on my period because I had bled on his fingers. I told him no. I don’t even remember at what point he finally let everything end. I remember being forced to blow him at some point but there’s gaps in my memory involving the timeline. When it was finally over, he threw a condom at me and told me that since he didn’t want to use it I could use with the next guy since I was obviously a whore.

After, he asked if he could spend the night and I told him no and drove him home. He was upset that I wouldn’t let him stay and stole my underwear as we left my place. He was talking to me about his dreams and aspirations and it was hard to see him as the same person that had just done all of that to me.

I thought I had gotten over this, and haven’t thought about it in a while but I started spiraling about it recently. I can’t help but to rationalize what happened due to my initial agreement to hooking up and bringing him into my home as well as the fact that he had clearly been drinking (I didn’t realize how drunk he was until things really started happening) A year ago, I looked him up to see if maybe he had done something to get himself in trouble and found out he has published a damn self-help book. Is it normal to spiral about this when I thought I had gotten over it? Am I justified in rationalizing what happened? I can’t help but think I’m overreacting because I have read stories from other survivors who have been through far worse and can’t help but think I should feel lucky that what happened to me wasn’t as bad as it could have been.

really frustrated with myself, torn between finding a random guy to have sex with or waiting for someone to randomly come into my life (chronically ill and mostly bedridden now mind you) and form a great connection with them and do things the way i would find respectful and responsible for myself and my boundaries. like my first time i was emotionally coerced into sex and did things i didnt want to do and got “broken up with” after. i also had a pregnancy scare as well. what a way to lose my virginity. that was in 2024, now i feel like im losing my mind. im almost 20 and how do i put this i want to have fucking sex with someone. like i just need sexual intimacy. is it me wanting to replace a violating experience or wanting the actual person? because if im seeking a random person then its not genuine for me. then they dont know everything i like and what turns me on and makes me feel safe. how do i navigate this? im petrified of getting an std or anything. i was so lucky i didnt when i had sex w that guy. i was so uneducated about sex, i didnt know if he pulls out and goes back in u can get pregnant, let alone still get pregnant without a condom and him pulling out. i get really clingy as well and i dont want to give myself to someone who would walk away again. i just want to be a human being and have sex bro its not fair that i cant be like other people and just do it and hook up w someone i barely know and it not be horrifying. i havent done anything with anyone since. im so scared of being taken advantage of and mentally and emotionally abused again.

I [19F] was a virgin before it all happened. I was a freshmen in college last year when I was drunk and got sexually assaulted by two different men on two separate occasions. Ever since then my whole life has plummeted. I had to move back home, i lost all my friends, my mental health is at an all time low, and i’m just incredibly hypersexual. All that is on my mind is sex and I hate it. It’s like when I see a man i’m attracted to I can’t keep my mind off of having sex with them. The first few bodies I loved the experience, but now it just feels like a thing that I do. I wish I could just say no, I even set boundaries beforehand. But it’s not the guys who break the boundaries, it’s me. I’ve been called every name under the sun by my ex friends. Easy, a slut, a whore. At first, I didn’t let it get to me. I thought what I was doing was me trying to process what i’ve been through. But now? I’m starting to believe it. I can’t go a day without being incredibly horny and I hate myself so much for it. I used to be so innocent and I wanted to save my virginity for my husband. But now I feel tainted. I’m lucky to not have gotten any STD’s because i’m careful with my sex, but i’m worried if I go any farther in this toxic healing process I might get some. I feel so incredibly disgusting all I see myself right now is as a sex symbol. I wish it was as easy to just say no. I told my friends about what I do and they said “If you hate it so much, why don’t you just stop?” I wish I could. I’ve tried. My lust gets the best of me and when I start feeling aroused there isn’t much I can do to stop it. I feel so empty

I feel like my girlfriend always wants sex. I have a relatively low lobido and I'm on SSRIs which lowers it even more. I'm also uncomfortable "showing skin" because a girl at my old high school used to grope me and take pictures of me when I was going to the rest room. So there was a day where I just wasn't feeling like having sex when she really wanted it. She kept asking and asking and I said no. She got upset. I got out of the bed to check my phone, then she pulled down my pj's and started giving me oral sex. I asked her to stop and pull away but she didn't let me. Once the act was done she cried because I was apparently "not attracted to her". I not sure how to feel

I was 12 when it happened. 7-8th grade everyday he said hed give me money for school snacks if I hugged him. He was actually groping my boobs. Every day it became more and more shameless and clear what his intentions were. One time he pretended to comfort me because I fought with my sister and he had just full on grabbed it.

It’s been a few years. I haven’t told anyone but my closest friends. He still lives with us. My mom pays full rent and everything on her own, her bf just pays for the water bill and hoa. That’s literally all.

What I’m scared of is her telling me it’s my fault. My mom’s a diehard MAGA, and I’m sorry to say but slightly misogynistic as well. I’m not sure how my mom would react. But it gets worse every day. I’d just finished crying now over it because I hate how it felt and how stupid I was too just let it happen.

I don’t know how to tell her. I plan on telling my older sister first because I KNOW she will help me and 100% be with me. What I’m scared of is that she’ll make a scene before I get to tell my mom at my own pace. So when I tell her I have to tell my mom not any more than a few hours later at most. PLEASE help me. I really don’t know what to do. I want to tell my mom but I’m scared itll hurt her because she’s a single mother who doesn’t get help from my dad at all. Her bf still helps a little bit with money. And my moms talked about suicidal thoughts before too.

Please. Help. Any tips I’d appreciate

I'm so scared all the fucking time. I'm more tense then I ever was before, I'm convinced the people around me would touch me if they could. I'm certain that people are talking about what a whore I am behind my back. I'm so fucking scared all the time and I need to be ok. I'm trying really hard to be able to be close with people again and it's so scary. please someone tell me what to do? therapy hasn't worked and I'm scared and need help

This crosses my (m) mind quite often. I battle with the fucked up feelings of liking it and hating it.

I went in for a physical, and my (f) doctor was around her early 30s, never had her before. It started off as a normal physical until the hernia exam. She made me pull my pants all the way down.

Of course at this time I was a stupid kid going through puberty so I got hard. I didn’t even think twice about me pulling my pants down to my ankles.

She laughed and said “well I see we’re a growing boy.”
The exam went normally. Until she started to touch my dick. It wasn’t long, literally just 2 strokes.

I felt so dirty but so cool. I hate myself for that.

She touched me again again and by the time I was pulling my pants back up she put her mouth on me. 1. 2. I came immediately.

I’m 26 now and I feel so fucking disgusting. Why did I let this happen?

Tl;dr: my doctor molested me during a physical and gave me my first blowjob. I never told my family, and the friends I’ve told this story to just make jokes.

Hey, I could use some help deciding what to do about my situation. About a year ago, I had a very strange relationship with a good friend of mine. He used to touch me while I was 'sleeping' without my consent. I would completely freeze up, unable to say anything, and I ended up going home crying every time because I couldn’t manage to stop it. I tried to keep my distance and told him he had gone too far, but he just got angry and upset if I didn't come over. He was struggling a lot during this period and I was the only person he had, so I felt responsible for him and couldn't leave. He also blamed me for a lot of other things; he got angry and 'yelled' at me almost every day, and 'ranted' at me. This resulted in me being physically unable to talk to him because I became too afraid of him. This went on for about six months, and I became very depressed.

This has later affected the relationship I'm in now. It took me a long time to be able to relax around my current boyfriend because my body was 'testing him' to see if he would do anything. I also became afraid to ask him things; I physically couldn't get the words out and would freeze up because I was scared he would get angry too—even though he has never given me a reason to think he would. My current boyfriend is the former best friend of the guy I had that strange relationship with. They had a falling out after I got together with my current boyfriend.

Now they’ve started talking again, and I can see that my boyfriend wants his friendship back. It destroys me to see the person I love most trying to be friends with the person I hate most of all. All the feelings I had during that six-month period are coming back, just as I had finally started to forget. It hurts, and I get small panic attacks every time I think about it. We are all in the same friend group. What should I do? I don't want to ruin their friendship once again by telling my boyfriend what the other guy did and how it makes me feel.

*I made a brand new account to make this post, just to keep myself as anonymous as possible*

This has been heavy on my chest for over a year now, I have not shared this with my family, friends, or my boyfriend.

A year ago I moved in with my boyfriend, his best friend, and another mutual friend of ours. One night we all got blackout drunk and we all passed out in the livingroom, I woke up with his best friends hand in my underwear, I grabbed his wrist before anything further happened. He never did it to me again. I think my brain honestly shut the trauma aspect out, I just continued to treat this man like normal while deep down I slowly started to fall apart.

This guy has had "false" allegations in the past, I do not believe this. My boyfriend on the other hand does, his best friend will tell some sob story about how terrible his life is, how hes truly a victim, and how every woman hes ever met in his entire life has treated him horribly, which is why I think my boyfriend coddles him so much.

The most recent time we all went out as a group together I stayed sober for my own personal safety, this guy ended up getting so riled up he grabbed my face aggressively. I snapped, I screamed at this man to get away from me while my bf pushed him away. This cued the ugliest sobs I've ever heard come out of a grown mans mouth, I'm never the type to shame men for being emotional but this guy was weeping like a baby over something he did. My boyfriend spent the rest of the night trying to make sure this guy didn't off himself because he genuinely started to say that he was going to.

I'm scared to tell my boyfriend what happened the year before, I've been a victim of csa and it ended in me getting blamed both times (fucked up, I know). I've put on a mask towards this man so well that if I come out that he assaulted me then it'll make absolutely no sense and it may end in my boyfriend not believing me, this man is so emotionally dependent on my boyfriend, and my boyfriend feeds into it. I wish I would've said something sooner, I'm so ashamed that I've allowed myself to fall into a hole this deep. I either continue lying to my boyfriends face and act like nothing is wrong, or, I lose my boyfriend and all of our mutual friends. As for my family, they'd blame me regardless, so I dont even bother telling them anything.

I have a blue hoodie

Last time I wore it was when I was going to my home ...that night when that guy groped me....after that I couldn't bring myself to wear that hoodie

But today I wore it again...

I feel so happy....like releived and free

Hihihi

It all happened about 2 months ago and completely changed my life. I have no idea how to cope with this.

I was assaulted and raped by a group of guys in a friend's house during a party. I was drunk and shocked but they definitely knew that I didn't consent!

In the days and weeks afterwards, they kept insisting that all of this was just "harmless fun" and when I said that I don't think so, they told my that I am "too sensible" and shouldn't make a scene out of it.

Really nobody seems to see my perspective on this and I don't know how to cope with this.