r/sexualassault

Parents are divorced and I’ve always gone between my mom and dad’s house. What’s an excuse to use to stop going over to his house without telling my mom everything?

I am a 17 year old girl, a few weeks ago a guy approached me at the pool in our apartment complex and asked to hang out since he’d seen me around there before. We spent a few minutes in the hot tub just talking about ourselves and our lives and it got really personal and deep really quick. At this point I’d told him I was 18 because this was a stranger and I didn’t think anything of it (honestly thought he was gay so I didn’t expect what was gonna happen shortly following this). He was 24, just recently 25.

We decided to go up to his apartment to smoke weed, so we did that, put on a movie and got on the couch. We just moved closer and closer until eventually we ended up getting undressed and having sex. It was my first time and I was in a lot of pain. At multiple points I was begging him to stop stop stop cause it felt like he was ripping my insides out. He didn’t, just kept going so I pushed through it. Went home feeling gross and sad.

I texted him saying I was 17 and he said he had no problem with me not telling him (my state, the legal age of consent is 18, so I know even though I said yes, it is legally assault)

But the problem is he asked me to hang out again for the next few days and I said yes. We never had sex again but I would touch him and vice versa.

I am an incredibly isolated and lonely person, I know the only reason I was attached to him was because he gave me so much attention in such a short time. After only about a week and a half of this going on he ghosted me.

I feel used, disgusting, and also incredibly guilty. I don’t know what to do or say about this to anyone, or if I should say anything. Because I agreed to it, I participated. What is this whole situation and what do I do about it?

I hooked up with a guy I met while travelling and during sex he started filming from his POV. As soon as I turned around and noticed he was filming I got quite upset and asked him to stop and I put his phone to the side. He said he was sorry. Later on I turned around and noticed that he was filming again. I was much more upset this time as I felt that the disrespect had been furthered by this repeated behaviour. His excuse was that “my face was not in it”, I snatched the phone away again and this time kept it in front of me. I was still visibly upset and also feeling a lot of pain during the act, I voiced this and it frustrated him. He started telling me that I was “behaving like an idiot” and “sounding like an idiot” and ridiculous comments like “I’m sure no guy can make you finish because you complain so much”. We were both drunk if that has any relevance to the story.

I just feel incredibly disrespected, upset, angry and uncomfortable in my own sense of femininity and autonomy. I’m not sure if this classifies as assault or just violation, but I am so sick and tired of men fore-fronting their own satisfaction — especially when it results in not only dissatisfaction on the women’s part, but also discomfort and anxiety :(

Thoughts?

Edit: I didn’t mention that while we were having sex it was very painful (maybe I have stomach or issues in my uterus, who knows) and he was going quite rough. I told him to slow down various times and he would for a little while but then he would start going rough again. As it went on I was mote sternly asking him to slow down and this — and the point where I told him to stop filming — was when he started saying nasty things and being rude. He also tried to put his penis in my anus a few times and I had to say “no” on more than one occasion. I spotted blood afterwards. I didn’t feel the need to initially mention this because a part of me figured that since he did stop at times when I told him to that it was not problematic, however, upon reflection I think the way it happened was in fact problematic.

Recently, I was very drunk, although still able to walk and talk well, but had lost all sense of danger and was disinhibited if that makes sense. I was not thinking about the dangers or consequences whatsoever.

I can't quite remember why I just went with him, but I was led to a dirty, filthy cellar by a security guard when i left the club and had sex with him there. I didnt enjoy it or really want to do it, but I kind of felt obliged once there, but I didnt say no and wasnt threatened. I would never have done that in my right mind though, especially in those filthy conditions s with my OCD and fear of catching HIV as he did it unprotected. I wasn't enjoying it at all as it was hurting my knees, then we were interrupted and people saw and were laughing and my knees were really hurting on the steps so i said to stop and we did.

I was then really anxious that wed been seen and it would be out onto social media or a police crime page. I went to the bus stop and saw the manager there and told him what happened and that it was all good, but i was so worried that wed been seen and there were cameras, he said no it would be fine but to show him where. He led me back to the place and as we went in I kind of knew what was going to happen, but still entered anyway as he gave me more alcohol and i think i just wanted that and tto talk and i cant stop once i start drinking. He suddenly pulled down his trousers, which still was a bit shocking and told me to give him oral sex and i didnt really want to, but felt i should and I did feel a bit intimidated or want to say no and that it was best to get it over with. We then had sex unprotected as i didnt want to say no. And I'm really messed up because part of me felt I needed the validation when he finished, I have BPD and suffer with feelings of worthlessness.

I feel like i could have potentially ruined my life and have to live with the worry that ive contracted HIV and was shaken up by the whole situation and have no one else I can tell.

I messaged a guy Id previously had unprotected casual sex with because they tested me at the clinic 3 days after the incident and i already tested positive for chlamydia and hadnt been tested after we had jad sex so thought it was only right I tell him in case I got it there. He was very angry as he said I was blaming him, long story short, and I had to tell him about the assault and he said he didnt know what to believe and was very nasty about it and turned it all into my fault. I messaged my friend to tell her what he said to me and she said "thats because you shouldn't have called it assault".

I have also posted this elsewhere on reddit and people told my story of sexual assault doesnt seem right and seems garnered for sympathy. I am now feeling terrible. I do accept responsibility to an extent, but was this assault or not?

I don’t think it’s SA but would he if I had let him? My bf (26M) and I (22F) have been dating a year. He met me in transition of moving home from my college town after being raped by my ex so he is deeply aware of my trauma. This morning we gave each other head because i was not in the mood for penetration and he agreed. When it was over i got up but he was trying to grab me and put me on top of him. I made an excuse about my gma calling me upstairs so he would let me go. I came back and figured we could still be close without having sex and I was being silly pretending to be called upstairs and it was me being on defense.

I came back he put me on top of him again i reminded him that it was not going in which he agreed so we laid there with me on top of him and he was kind've dry humping me which was fine because i reminded him it wasn't going in but he was trying to thrust against me when i feel like i felt him try to put it in me and thrust upwards a couple times but it wouldnt go in. I got up and in a teasing way I asked said "you were gonna put it in anyway" and he said "sometimes it just slips in" which he later said he didnt mean it that way and it was just a joke. I said it teasing because i wanted him to answer unguarded before i started accusing him of stuff and i took his response as a confirmation he wouldve put it in even after i had told him MULTIPLE times i didnt want it in.

I asked him to leave. He kept pressuring meto tell him what was wrong and when i told him he immediately started deflecting saying you know "id never do that to you, you were the one who got on top of me, you started this, this is what we do we have sex all the time, i cant believe youre acting this way because we were cuddling, we cuddle in the morning all the time" blah blah fking blah.He then said that his d*ck got stuck and he was trying to move it from in between our stomachs and thats why it felt like it was about to come inside because he was trying to move it. But i just dont know. It felt way too intentional i swear he wouldve put it in anyway had I not gotten up. And it wasnt until he could tell his explanations werent workking he says " you really think I would do that after all ive been through if you could really think i would do something like that thats fked up you know better than anyone i would nevr do that."

And so now im kindve stuck between his intentions and how i felt. regardless. of what happened i feel insanely triggered. He couldve really been trying to get it unstuck between us but i dont understand how it would feel like he was thrusting upwards while trying to get unstuck. I'm truly trying to see it form his perspective but i just... i dont. I can ttell if this is my trauma from what happened to me last year thats clouding my judgment or what because Idk what to believe. And his response to my feelings was also very off but he couldve been panicking because of the nature of what I felt he did. I just dont know where to go from here. I feel so hurt because I just feel like he wouldve put it in and him doing that after watching all that ive been through and still going through... I also dont even remember him having this struggle of tryign ot get it unstuck between the two of us. Its all so very weird

my friends and i were drunk and one of my guy friends suddenly started touching my body discreetly without consent. i was letting him do it, but then he inserted his fingers inside my private part while we were under the blanket despite our friends being in the same room. i was also touching his, but with his pants on. i was enjoying it for a moment but then i suddenly felt uncomfortable because it was going too far. i remember avoiding him the whole night but he was still trying to get close. was this sexual harassment? does this mean, in some way i harassed him to even though he started it?

Many years ago I was with my ex who was abusive in every way including sexually. The most traumatic thing in my life was because of him. We went to the mall and he wanted to do sexual stuff so we went behind an abandoned toys r us. He started making me blow him and then he started to masturbate onto my face. I was late on my medication and it really fucked me up, I couldn’t control my body, I couldn’t really even speak. I don’t remember if I told him to stop, but I know that it was visible that there was something really wrong with me, he ended up ejaculating on my face and pretended he only noticed something was wrong immediately afterwards. He had to practically carry me back to the mall because I couldn’t walk on my own. And when we were at the mall I remember hiding under a table from him and not understanding why. Was it still SA even though I don’t remember telling him to stop and I don’t think I was even capable of it?

I'm struggling with blaming myself for this. My wife and I were trying for a child. This meant there were weeks where I was expected to perform. One of these weeks was around the anniversary of my assault as a child. The first night I wasn't in the mood but forced myself to perform but I had to stop halfway way because I started crying so we did and my wife kind of turned away from me and said I made her feel undesirable. I reasured her and explained the issue she knows I have a history of sexu abuse. The next night she talked about us having sex the entire day so I knew i had to perform. So I made myself do so but needed help getting aroused so I asked if we could start slow with kissing. This is something we've done in the past when she's wanted and we've always like forplay. She pushed me off of her hut me while getting didn't apologize after and just went to the bathroom to sulk. I cried myself to sleep. When I later asked she said she was pissed at me and wanted me to come comfort her after words. I know she didn't make me do anything but I felt like i absolutely had to every other time after. I told my therapist and the words I used at the time was "i don't feel like my body belongs to me". So idk is it just on me for not being strong enough to deal with ny own issues?

Today marks 12 years since I was assaulted. I was 16 and I wanted to wait till marriage. Meanwhile my parents were actively going through their divorce and the POS that did it had been my older brother's friend since I was in diapers. He took advantage of my mental state and it destroyed me for a long long time. Heck, I still think about it everyday.

Every year since, I've stayed home alone and spent the entire day crying and eating my weight in crap. Don't get me wrong, I have already started eating my way through my kitchen. It's currently 9am, I've been up since 1:30am, and I haven't cried yet. I'd like to thank my sister for helping me heal and the max dose of Lexapro that I take everyday lol

I can't say it gets easier, but after you learn coping mechanisms and start speaking about it, it becomes manageable.

When I was in a relationship when I was 14 to 15. I was on the giving and receiving end sexual coercion. To be 100% honest. I was doing the most of it. Because I felt like I had to provide sex to her or else she would leave me. This combining with me getting random confidence boost, led to me begging her to have sex with me. Which then put her in a situation where she felt like she couldn’t say no to me. And this went both ways. There would be times where I would say no and she would beg. Which had me caving in. I was never told what I was doing was harming her. Nor do I tell her, I do NOT blame her for what happened. I hold myself accountable for my actions and I definitely change so that stuff NEVER happens again.

Also I want to say. This was a repeated offense. Not just one occasion. But not every time we had sex it was pressing. There were times where we didn’t pressure or beg each other.

She rightfully vented to one of her friends and that friend started a rumor mill where I raped her. Me and my ex talked and she said that she never specifically said I raped her. She was so overwhelmed by what happened that she just needed to vent. Which is understandable. We both just wanted this drama to end. She forgave me and wanted to move on. She even wanted me to move on. However I can’t. I still feel so much guilt and shame.

We did have 2 conversations about the whole thing and I could not stop apologizing... I wanted to her to know how truly sorry I am...

I never had any intentions of harming her. My goal was to show her I could do something that I was not ready for. I am not trying to blame her for when I say this. But she was very clingy. She broke up with my for a day, planned to go bang this other dude. Didn't and we got back together. Which did NOT help my anxiety at all. She also cheated on me then compared me to the dude she cheated on me with. She would get mad at me for hanging out with friends. I felt like I couldn’t say no to her. And there would things I would do that made her feel like she had to stay with me. She thought I would kill myself is she left me. Which I regret 100%.

I live with this every fucking day… I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I haven’t done anything like that since and it’s been years. I’m now 21. I have a whole new girlfriend and I love her to death. However I feel like I don’t deserve her.

I lost so many friends because of this… and I never had the chance to tell them my side.

I’ve lost count the amount of times I’ve tried turning myself into the police and attempted to kill myself because of this. I felt like there was no justice.

I’m scared that I am a rapist. I hate that I hurt someone who I loved. At the time. What I was doing I thought was right. “Yeah we’re in a relationship. This should happen!”. I didn’t know what consent really looked like. So how do I move on? Do I kill myself? Do I try to turn myself in again? If not? How do I move on? How do I overcome this guilt? Am I really a good person? I was a kid. I also felt pressured. I was scared. I only had porn to go off of. But does that really matter? I’m a man. I unfortunately benefit from the patriarchy. Women fear men for all the right reasons. Men. We all have to admit. We are terrible creatures and we are to blame.

For some reason there are women in my life who are very comfortable with me. I don’t know how to comprehend that. They know my past. And they still view me in a positive light.

Whenever I see post on social media saying that "force consent is rape" and rethinking about what happened. But are they talking about the people who KNOW what they're doing? Or they also including the people who did this at such an early age? I don't know!

Whenever I try to research this. I get conflicting things. What I did was rape! What I did was not! I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE! I NEVER WANT TO PUT ANYONE IN A SITUATION WHERE I VIOLATE THEM! THAT'S DISGUSTING AND HORRIFIC! Is the only reason why I am allowed to run free is because I am a man?

It's hard for me to have sex now... I'm too scared to do it... Yeah I am able too. But most of the time. I am scared the same thing is going to happen again... Even though I always make sure my partner is consenting freely. Making sure she is comfortable around me. And is able to say no to me.

I’ve been in therapy for this for a couple years. I have a great therapist. To be honest I’m just scared to move on. Am I even allowed to move on? Am I good person? And again. I'm going to be honest.

Hi everyone,

I’m looking for some opinions on something that happened during a recent massage because I’m honestly not sure what to think.

For context, I’m a female student and I regularly get massages as a little treat whenever I can afford them. I’ve been massaged by male therapists before and never had any issues.

I recently went back to a male massage therapist I’d seen once before. The first session was pretty good, although some stretches felt a little suggestive, especially the frog position, and he spent quite a lot of time massaging my buttocks.

During my second session, things got a bit strange.
While I was lying on my stomach, he pulled my underwear down quite far, almost below my buttocks, and started making circular movements while massaging them. At some point, I could feel air around my private area, so I’m pretty sure I was partially exposed.

He then continued with some stretches and physically turned me onto my back. Since I only had one towel covering me, my breasts were also exposed during certain movements.
While I was on my back, he asked if he could remove the towel to massage my upper body, and I agreed. He continued massaging my stomach, sides, and breasts, regularly checking if I was comfortable.

**Then, towards the end of the session, he asked if he could massage my private parts.**
I was surprised and actually asked him, “Is that really part of a massage?” He said yes and reassured me that I could absolutely refuse.
I was confused but also curious, so I agreed, without really knowing what to expect.
He started touching and caressing my intimate area, but then he inserted one finger inside me, followed by a second.
I genuinely wasn’t expecting that.

I completely froze. Physically, my body was experiencing some pleasurable sensations, but mentally, I felt completely disconnected and unable to react. I didn’t say anything or move much, and this continued for around 5–10 minutes.
Afterwards, I felt really strange and asked him whether this was normal during a massage. He insisted that it was completely normal and that there was nothing sexual about it.

**So now I’m wondering:**
Is this something that happens during tantric massages? Is it normal or even acceptable for a massage therapist to suggest something like this when I specifically booked a regular massage?

I know I agreed when he asked to massage my private parts, but I never expected that to involve penetration, and he never explained what he was actually going to do.

I’d really appreciate some honest opinions, especially from people familiar with professional massage practices. Am I overthinking this, or did he seriously cross a line?

(This is inspired by @bluraybeyond on instagram)

Like 3 years ago when I was 10, I had this one family friend who 13-14 (maybe older) at a party my family hosted for their friends, she came.

For some context, we are all religious and I supported her and her gf but at that party she asked if I ever kissed a girl, told her I was straight.

Great, you would think she was done but after a while she started practically begging me to let her kiss me in which I refused MULTIPLE times.

She wouldn't stop tho, eventually after 2 minutes of arguing, she went under the sheets so i could kiss her.

She kept pulling on me so I eventually gave in to this girl I thought was cool and looked up to, and after I felt disgusting, not cuz i kissed a girl even tho i'm not a lesbian, but i felt forced into it by someone older, never told my family.

OH AND she still comes over and used that as blackmail.

We are friends still, it's moreover that she likes me, and i'm forced to hang out with this 16 yr old or she might actually go thru with her blackmail.

Idk what to do, I am still clearly affected by it. But I NEED validation, is it sa?

(repost since on teen vent I only got one guy saying it isn't, I need atleast 3)

My sexual assaulter is reposting the cornell case on his tiktok and story, talking about how bad the case is. I'm all for advocacy, But i'm just so fucking tired. i'm tired of this innocent persona he put on himself. i'm tired of barring the weight of the trauma he put me through, while on the internet he's trying to make himself look like a good person. He's not. He traumatized me severely. He's assaulted me relentlessly. He knew he was, and he wasn't remorseful for any of it. He's so fucking performative. I hate him.

Its becoming an issue for me because ive started getting intamite with my partner and the actual doing it part is great I love sleeping with her it feels good and I know she would never hurt me. It's always after that's the issue. Everytime we finish doing stuff I just start crying uncontrollably, it's same doing it solo. After I finish I just start to cry. I don't get it I'm not an emotional person and my assault was ten years ago so I don't know why this is happening or why it's only just started happening in the past like month maybe

There is this guy I was friends with, let's call him Mr. M. It was clear be both liked each other romantically, however nothing romantic had ever happened between us, just flirting. One night we decided to drink together and also with another friend, E. After we were all drunk, E tells me I'm pretty and she wants to kiss me. At first, I didn't say anything but then eventually said yes. All three of us end up making out a lot. Then they both started throwing up. I cleaned it all up as I was very drunk but somehow not throwing up.

Then a bit after, E fell asleep and I was laying on the floor. Mr. M starts making out with me again, which I didn't mind. Then he takes my hand and moves it under his pants. I try to pull away, but I remember not really being able to. I then say, "This is a bad idea". He said "I know". I don't remember what is said after, but Mr. M claimed that I said I wanted it regardless, and that he said he didn't have protection, but I said I didn't care. I have no memory of this. Then the sex starts - I vaguely remember this happening; I remember the feeling of him going in and that's about it. The next thing I know, it's over. Mr. M claimed that he asked me "I'm about to finish, should I pull out"? and that I said not to. I do not remember this happening at all.

I do not think I would never tell him not to pull out. It seems very unlike me. This was also both of our first times having sex. Maybe I did say I wanted it, but also, I was drunk. I know that I could not have consented because I was drunk regardless. I do not think he meant to SA me, but also what else would you classify it as? I had never done anything with him while sober, so there is no reason he should have initiated it while drunk. I feel very uncomfortable with what happened. Afterwards, I was left to take a plan B on my own, he never once checked in on me. I think I didn't want to call it SA because I thought he was a good guy, but idk now. I feel like it might have been.

What genuinely gets to me is how quickly some men stop seeing me as a person the second they find out I run an NSFW account.

Suddenly I’m “easy,” I’m a “slut,” I’m desperate for attention, or I somehow deserve whatever disrespect they throw at me. And honestly, it’s exhausting. You don't know me. You don't know my personality, my boundaries, my values, what I've been through, or what my life looks like outside of that account. You saw one part of me online and decided that was enough to judge my entire character.

What I post does not give you permission to insult me.

And what makes it even more frustrating is when the same men who willingly look at my content turn around and shame me for making it. You can consume something and still understand that the person behind it deserves basic respect. Those things aren't mutually exclusive.

And before someone says “not all men” — I KNOW. It isn't all men. I have met genuinely respectful men who understand boundaries and know how to treat women like human beings. But when I keep experiencing this kind of behaviour, and it keeps coming from men, eventually you start noticing the pattern.

It’s not “all men,” but somehow it’s always a man who feels entitled to tell me what kind of woman I am.

And that's what makes it so frustrating, because the actions of these men end up making all men look bad. Every time one of you thinks it's acceptable to degrade a woman because of what she posts, you reinforce the exact stereotype that women have about men who can't separate someone's online content from their worth as a person.

I shouldn’t have to defend my entire character every time someone discovers my account. I shouldn't have to prove that I'm worthy of respect just because I choose to express myself differently online.

You don't have to like what I do. You don't have to follow me. You don't even have to agree with it. But you do need to understand that I'm still a person.

My account is not an invitation to disrespect me. My content does not erase my boundaries. And seeing a certain side of me online does not mean you know everything about me.

If your first instinct is to degrade me instead of simply scrolling away, that says far more about you than it ever will about me.

I’m tired of being judged, labelled, and reduced to one part of myself. I’m tired of men thinking they know my entire character because they found one account. And I’m especially tired of being made to feel like I somehow deserve disrespect because of it.

I don't.

Being in relationship with hypersexual is tiring. I'm tired. Everything is involving sex. Normal conversation becomes sexual one. He keeps puting his hands in my vagina. I yell, he becomes gloomy for several days. So i stopped yelling, I just endure the uncomfortable. I just stand and make dinner - he takes my pants off. Random putting fingers in me or eating me. I feel so uncomfortable in my own body, in my own house. He keeps telling rape jokes, and I just stopped telling him to get himself together. He did raped me in my sleep and our relationship will never be the same. I just feel like fuck toy. This is daily. And 'no' or 'stop' means nothing. I just can't deal with it anymore.

I just wished he would stop, without becoming depressed :/

sorry if its tagged wrong. I need to get it off my chest. I never told a soul this is happening. Well, except when he raped me but this is a whole different story where I was made to be a bad guy:)

I was placed on academic leave from my university due to having bad grades first and second semester. This was because I was assaulted by an acquaintance in my dorm after a part one night first semester and I never really got over it. I didn’t report it or tell anyone until very recently.

My university does allow people to come back after appealing but that’s usually after one year. They do allow people to come back after a semester provided that they explain why they performed badly and what efforts they have put in place to change since then. I was planning on mentioning this but I don’t know what proof I would have as to how I’ve managed to get over what happened without proof that I’ve seen a therapist or gone to group therapy sessions etc. I could have them write me a letter to send to my school.

Obviously, I want to do these things anyway. And I had started seeing a therapist a little bit over the summer in my home country (dual citizen American) . I do have insurance but I only moved here for school and I don’t know enough about the healthcare system or the resources available to me.

If someone could help with suggestions I would love that. The last chance I have to appeal to come back the following semester (mid January) is 22nd November. So if I could start seeing someone at least a month before then that would be great.