r/sexualassault

If you haven't already gathered from the title, I was raped during a night out. I do apologise if this is not the place to talk about it, since I'm not quite sure where I can ask for help on here

Thing is, I never quite connect with people, let alone my own peers, and so when this older man, who seemed charming, showed interest in me and spoke of similar hobbies like music and writing and asked for a dance and even called me pretty, I took it as something lovely, you know, as a friendship.

Now I drank and drank as he paid and paid, and I found, despite being a teenager, I liked the thrill of it all, which is childish to say the least. My cousins, who had brought me along, left without me. They had asked if I wanted to go, however I was deep in conversation with my new "friend"

I soon realised, despite being in a drunken state, that it was getting late and I was in no condition to walk back home, nor was it safe for me to walk to a bus stop on my own like this. I asked the man to take me to a nearby bus stop, I felt he was safe enough. He hadn't been strange up until we got outside.

He said he could take me home in his car since it would be faster. I'm not even sure why I agreed, looking back on it now, but I suppose I've matured in these few months. Anyway, I saw it as a kind gesture, almost flattering. I really did trust him despite hardly knowing him for longer than a few hours, and so he guided me to a sort of street I hadn't been there before, but he did have a car parked right at the end of it, and I think any nerves or suspicions that I may have had faded by that point.

When he took me to the car, I won't get into too much detail aside from the fact he came onto me, and I realised quickly that he likely had planned to take a girl "home", since he parked so far from houses and venues where people could spot him. All I remember thinking was, "I can't leave now. What do I do?" In the end I think I was too intoxicated to really fight back, so I just laid there.

I haven't spoken about it to anyone, not even my mother, which is why I intend to be quite vague when speaking of the matter. I wouldn't want anyone I know somehow stumbling upon this. But I felt off for a few months and ended up throwing up on my way to school and missing my periods. I've missed periods in the past, but that's only on occasion, never in a row. I ended up getting my hands on a pregnancy test, and it says I'm pregnant.

So now I'm stumped. I can't hide a baby, and I don't want my mother to know. She hasn't noticed yet since my body hasn't changed much.

So please, I need help. I never thought I'd be in such a situation, especially since I've never really been one to date or show any sort of interest in sex and such. I feel so ashamed by it all, and I just need someone to guide me in some way, even if it's a stranger.

Hi all I have never spoken about this because it happened in 2001, which was a different time. I was 15 and he was 21, he was my boyfriend. Nobody even questioned it at the time or thought it was not okay. So though what happened was upsetting and not ok I never questioned it.

But recently I opened up about it and was informed that at the time, this was still illegal, even if it happened in 2001. We were never fully intimate but we did some other things that I was not comfortable with and at the time made it clear I didn't want to do but he carried on. After I sat beside his bed with my head in my hands and he said sorry. I was a very traumatised 15yo as it was and I was swept away in the first guy who showed interest in me because I always thought I was worthless and unattractive. Who I told said that regardless if I even had "consented" I legally could not have, and he was committing a criminal offence with a child.

Now, I mean I KNOW full well that this is no way okay. But why is my brain telling me that because it was 2001 and everyone let it slide, that somehow then, it was acceptable? Was it? Or was this a criminal offence? Was this sexual abuse?

I am only just now coming to terms with my childhood trauma and how much worse it was than I let myself believe. I am seeking further therapy. I think I have complex trauma that I have always explained away or downplayed which is apparently a defensive mechanism?

I just want to know from others experience because why did nobody at that time bat an eyelid? Did he even know it was an offence? I'm so confused. And is the R-word only for all the way, or for other things sexually you don't agree to? I am very new to this bc I never considered myself to have experienced SA before? I even got left with him when I was 15 bc my parent had to take my sibling somewhere, and that wasn't even seen as an issue either?

EDIT: Happened in the UK. I tracked the timeline back properly and I'm pretty sure I was 14 and he was either just turning 20 or just turned. I dunno what to do with this information or how I've held it in my head so long as not what it actually was.

TW GRAPHIC

I [23F] was raped in Feb 2025 and was strangled and smothered during it, and I think he may have banged my head against my wall to knock me out. I was asleep when he started and I guess he really wanted me either dead or not able to remember it so he could get away with it. Ever since then, I’ve been having weird issues:

- Severe short term memory loss but oddly enough not struggling academically?
- Sometimes I have weakness and numbness on the right side of my body and face (I was laying on my right side when he did it and if he banged my head it was the right side), with pins and needles happening when I shower
- Sometimes I’ve wet the bed
- Being extremely aloof and confused sometimes, like not knowing where I am or even what my name is. Very spatially disoriented and it’s like I’m in my own world 24/7
- Some weirdness when swallowing but no pain, it just kinda feels like something’s still blocking the airway. Could be attributed to PTSD
- Severe insomnia and PTSD
- Not feeling super “right” in general, like something’s off
- I think I’ve developed a form of OCD, I have some behavioral problems and I can’t trust anybody
- Some head pressure, heaviness and pain

Any idea what’s going on? I don’t know the effects of strangulation and rape combined but I can imagine it’s extremely traumatizing. And it was.

I'm 20 and I've been sa'ed multiple times when I was 11 to about 14 which traumatized me a lot. I tried reaching out for help when I was 15 but social services didn't believe me so I never told anyone about it ever again since it was from a family member and I feel very much ashamed of myself.
I recently started dating and I really really want to be more intimate with my partner and I can tell they want it too but I'm so terrified.
I want to kiss them and touch them but when they kiss me and touch me back I freeze and my heart starts racing (not because I'm aroused but because I'm terrified) and all I can feel are the hands of my abuser and how disgusted and ashamed he made me feel.
At first I made up a few excuses like "we need to sleep" or "wait what time is it? We got stuff to do" and I felt so guilty because I really really like and love my partner.
The other day they explicitly asked me if I wanted to try so I broke down and told them about my trauma (not into detail) and they were extremely supportive and sweet, but I still felt guilty.
I am still so scared, every time I think about it I feel nauseous, I feel so disgusted and ashamed of myself but I really want this relationship to work.
Does anyone have any advices on how to overcome this feeling of disgust and fear? Has anyone ever had similar experiences?

to make this as short as possible and quick to the point. last night me (F20) and my bf (M21) were having some july 4th fun. during these acts he has a habit of putting his thumb in my…well. Which was cool, I liked that during our time together. The music was particularly loud and he asked if i wanted to try anal, which i haven’t and is scared of a bit. I replied to him along the lines of “youre fucking hilarious hell no.” and was caught up the moment and said that he was too large to do that without me preparing myself for that etc. the music drowned me out a bit. he took out his thumb and tried it. and i honestly dont know why i froze. then yelled it hurts it hurts and he immediately stopped and cut off the music to see to me. and i didnt moved and i laid there and cried and he held me apologizing profusely for it. after i got up he was crying himself. i noticed i cant look at him for too long when hes trying to speak to me. he took care of me the rest of the night and gave me space when needed until he left for work. we spoke about what happened a few times and ran into the same split opinion. i dont know if i was sa’d or if it was a mistake. i do believe it wasnt his intentions. i love him still i just hate how this experience created this emotional distance between us now. sometimes i keep crying about it and it annoys me. i never had anything happen like this before so im sorry if this sounds like a dumb read. thanks for making it to the bottom.

I had others accounts were I posted here years ago.

At those times I got a bunch of people in my dm asking stupid questions about my sa experiences or offering a space to talk to try to manipulate me later, some of them even tried to threat me into passing them nudes knowing I was a minor.

I hope you all get what you deserve and live with the guilt of what you´re doing. Looking for people to revictimize in a safe space for SA survivors is fucked up. Get fucking professional help dude, what the fuck are yall doing with your lives?????

Survivors of sexual assault have experienced what is like to lose control completly. Is something that changes you forever, sometimes even pyhsically and they seek a space to let it go and get validation and confort, this subreddit is THEIR SPACE.

This space is NOT for you.

(This is also a reminder to turn off your dms, let´s avoid this situations.)

in 2022 i went to a school social me and this boy started making out at the after party (i was okay with that i wanted that) he wanted sex i didn’t want it to go that far..i told him no he basically ignored me and went and asked friends for a condom then all his friends were egging him on in front of me..i went a head with it i didn’t want to idk why i did. i don’t know if it was sa or not because i still went along with it. i wasn’t into it i didn’t want to do it i was dry it hurt but i also didn’t say stop. was this sa or did i consent to it. i hear peoples storys and mine doesn’t sound near as bad as theirs

can fawning look like consent in the moment? also apparently fawning comes with dissociation, does this mean someone can fully go along with sex/even mimic enjoyment whilst checked out?? does this make if consensual?

how would you know if it was fawning or genuine desire? just curious to hear people’s take as I feel like Fawn is often left out.

so i’m in a 4 month relationship and last night my gf was at a small party she for super hammered like blackout and basically woke up had 2 hickeys and was laying on this dudes chest… she went to the police about it and did the SA stuff… she called me uneasily and i picked her up…

we’ve been having troubles recently and i’ve been considering breaking up since this has been a super toxic relationship i love her but it’s very draining i don’t feel like now is a good time to break up with her but i don’t want to drag jt on…

so basically my dad had this friend that had a daughter and I was BEST friends with that girl, I was 11. she was about a year older than me but we were locked in then once we were rly close she showed me... Stuff and told me "we should recreate ts" I didn't know what was wrong with it I was just curious, I didn't rly say no or yes. Then one day I was playing the game then she went under the blanket and started s..cking my .... unprompted I was rly uncomfortable bc at the time I was young and thought she was js being weird like she always does, then made me eat her if ykwim , a couple days after she str8 up made me fing.r her, have ... with her and suc.ed my .... again I thought it was js a rly weird game. this was years ago tho b4 I even hit puberty now that I have it rly fucks my head. I'm now 14 years old and wanted to get this off my chest. I now have hypersexuality bc of this sick fuck.

So I had a crush on my teacher we’re both female and I tried winning her, she liked me back and we dated for years I was a minor (16-19). We broke up now, she was in her late 20’s (27-30) and she basically blames everything on me from cheating allegations (with a guy I barely talk to) to the intimate things we did insisting I was the one who initiated it, which is true. Is this common guys or is it really my fault? Like everything, she blames me for everything.

So i was around 9 years old so my memory might be a bit hazy but here’s everything i can recall
I shared a room with my brother (18yrs) and one night we both couldn’t sleep and he suddenly asked me to play truth or dare. As a kid i didn’t even know what SA even was, and i grew up on the thought that my brother is always right ,since he’s more “mature and older”. i said yes and picked dare. He dared me to pull down my pants and underwear. i didn’t know what was going on so i did . suddenly his pants were off too and he started touching me. He told me not to be a snitch,to keep quiet and that this was just a “fun” game. I remember feeling really uncomfortable and confused on what was happening. He started using his tongue down there and i started to tell him stop,he did stop using his tongue after like five minutes of me complaining but he continued to use his fingers on me. He told me that this was making him happy so i didn’t stop him. He also said it would feel really good if i squirted,which he explained to me what it was. I really wanted him to stop touching me and i was super overstimulated so i vividly remember pissing on the bed just to pretend i was “squirting “ thats when he finally stopped. also remember his dick was out this whole time.
i felt so guilty cause technically i didn’t tell him to stop touching me, and i didn’t want to tell my parents because i didn’t think they would’ve believed me over my brother. i’ve never told anyone since. pls help

Hi everyone. This is an update to my previous post (you can find the first part pinned or in my profile history, as Reddit filters deleted my last attempt when I included the link).

​A quick recap: On a family trip, my two cousins made a bet and sexually assaulted me while I was asleep. Now, I am forced to see one of them in my classroom every single day, and he acts completely shameless.

​Update:

I finally built up the courage to tell my mother everything. At first, she just held me, hugged me, and comforted me. I honestly thought things would be okay after that, even if they didn't face any real punishment.

​But then, she started casually bringing them up in conversations as if nothing had ever happened. She’d say stuff like, "Look, cousin #1 took a photo near the school," or "Cousin #2 just bought a motorcycle." I eventually couldn't take it anymore and snapped at her. I didn't say anything crazy, just told her to stop, and then locked myself in my room. She kept persistently knocking on the door until I finally gave in and made up with her, just pretending everything was fine.

​But today was the breaking point. Those two individuals actually showed up at my house. They only came over because of some family business regarding a distant relative, so they weren't even there to apologize or acknowledge what they did. They didn't dare to come inside, but my mom went out and just casually talked to them. Hearing her speak to them so gently and use their names literally made my skin crawl.

​When she came back inside, I completely lost it. I tried to stay calm, but I just started crying and screaming at her.

Trying to cool down, I walked into the kitchen, but she followed me and asked: "Did they really do something that bad?"

​That absolutely crushed me. I was sobbing, screaming, and told her: "Oh, so you think it was something beautiful? Did they buy me an iPhone or a laptop?!" Her excuse was that she "keeps forgetting" about what happened. I told her:

"I knew you would react like this. That's exactly why I was terrified to tell you. I knew you wouldn't do anything because you love these relatives, these horrible people, more than me. And I was right. Do you even understand how much this hurts? I viewed them as my actual brothers, and they treated me like I was completely worthless."

​I said a lot of other things too. After that, she got down on her knees and tried to hug me, but I completely ignored her. It’s been 6 hours now, and I am still giving her the silent treatment.

​I just feel so betrayed and empty right now. I don’t know what to do. I’m just a dumb fool. I love her.

My assault happened on a first date. It was my first date in a really long time and I wore my favorite outfit because it’s what I feel most confident in. It’s just been sitting in my closet since and I don’t know what to do with it. On one hand I don’t want to let him ruin more things for me so I just want to say fuck it and wear it cause it’s mine. On the other, it’s just a reminder of what happened. I remember him complimenting that he really liked my shirt so it feels yucky at the same time. I was wanting to wear it today because it’s the perfect shirt for the 4th color wise. I guess I’m just seeing if anyone else can relate or has had this dilemma.

so for context i’m 23F and this person was also female. we were sexting and it was going well then she asked to video call. i said i don’t really do that but would phone call her. she said yes so we’re on the phone and chatting and she sends me a video of a girl grinding on a pillow and said she wanted me to do that for her to watch.

i started doing the action even though ive never really liked that but was just talking to her about it, but she kept asking to see, saying it would be so hot etc. eventually i turned my camera on because i wanted to please her. whenever i stopped grinding she would say ‘keep going im so close’ so i did. then after like an hour of me trying to stop but her egging me on, cramping up, bleeding, i finally said i had to leave. she said we should make it a challenge to make her cum before i had to go. i felt trapped because it had already gone on so long so just kept going. then hung up pretty much as soon as she finished.

i felt very uncomfortable about the whole thing but i could’ve hung up or left at any time and just didn’t. so i don’t really know if this counts as anything except me being in an uncomfortable situation and i just need to learn to be more direct in my boundaries. would love some advice!

I had an experience where I was tied up (consensually)and deep throated. I agreed to oral sex but I wasn’t expecting him to go that deep. I couldn’t breath and so I tried to fight him off, but he ignored me. My question is, why couldn’t I close my mouth or bite him? Is there a physiological reason, because as I remember I tried everything to get him to stop.

I’m too exhausted to even type this anymore after having posts taken down by mods with no explanation. I shared nothing graphic. I am feeling very triggered by sex with my boyfriend and don’t know what to do with myself. I’m just looking for support.

I am 18 and I struggle to find boys in my school attractive. I always tend to gravitate towards much older men even though I know it’s dangerous.

It’s like my mind wants me to go back to what I remember from my past and anything different from that is just not good.

It sucks cause I feel broken.

I (23f) don’t know if I’m asexual or just traumatized because when I was 10-17, I was raped by a group of adults repeatedly. But I’ve also never been attracted to anyone or been in a relationship. Ive never even had a crush before. I don’t know if it’s because of what happened to me or if it’s just the way I am. I don’t know if it’s because the rape happened during that age when you would start to explore those feelings and have crushes.

However, and this is weird, I had and still do have loving feelings, towards the first person who raped me, but I don’t know why. I don’t know if it’s because of trauma bonding, since I never liked him before and actually hated him.

It’s just all very confusing. Does anyone relate to this or know how I can figure this out?