TW: detailed description
i’ve (21f) been dating/seeing a guy for a couple months who is younger than me, so i’ve known it wouldn’t progress to something serious which he also knows. i have a personal rule where i only have sex with someone i’m in a committed relationship with so i’ve told him from the beginning that sex is off the table since we’re not official. the furthest i’ll go with someone i’m seeing is allowing them to put the tip in, and if they try to push it further i put a stop to it immediately. i really like having sex but it’s also super important to me who i have sex with, so this is my compromise to restrict myself from going all the way. in the past it’s worked fine and people respected that boundary.
there have been two instances now where the guy i’m seeing has pushed past that boundary and i’m wondering if it’s considered sexual assault/rape? the first was when i was drunk, i could feel that more than the tip was inside and i used my legs as a partial barrier but i was too drunk and tired to physically stop it. i’d ask him during if it was the tip and he lied and said yes, but i know he was lying because he apologized after by saying that just the tip “isn’t for him”. i was upset but felt like i should have told him no more firmly if i expected him to listen, and i felt sure i wouldn’t let it happen again. the second instance, we were both sober but he flipped me in a position where i think he knew i wouldn’t be able to physically stop him with my hands/legs if he tried to go deeper. i didn’t know i wouldn’t be able to stop him since it happened so fast. immediately he puts it all the way in and i froze and said stop. he didn’t move and started begging me to let him, to which i said no. after another pause he starts thrusting (fully) and i tell him “i said stop”, but at this point i’m scared that he’s not listening. after a second he takes it out and just starts denying that he was pushing me for sex.
i ended things but am pretty shaken about the whole thing, mostly just because of how disrespected it made me feel. since he did eventually stop when i told him to, i’m not sure if that counts as sexual assault and/or rape. any insight would be much appreciated.