I’ve been struggling for years now with mental health, and I’ve been seriously considering self-admitting to the hospital. If you’ve been hospitalized and want to share, I’d like to hear your experience
Hey all, quick list of content warnings: suicidal thoughts and substance abuse. I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts for a long time now, intermittently for about 8 years. It’s been omnipresent for the majority of my developed life. I have no intent, and do not desire it, but it wears me down every day. A solace I’ve always had has been pushing these thoughts down the road, metaphorically speaking. What I mean by that is I’ve always had some way to delay seriously thinking about it; there was always some way I could see myself living just a little bit longer, and finally make up my mind after that.
Times have changed, though. I’ve run out of excuses, out of bridges to burn, and I see no way to push this any further down the line. Before July ends, my parents will find out that I’ve failed out of college, wasting tens of thousands of dollars of their money in the process. This will leave me alone, with all my friends graduating, with no prospects or future. They will all find out that I have lied to them about every aspect of my life, big and small, for the past 5 years. I don’t think I’ll be able to handle the shame of this. I don’t feel guilty, I know I should, but for some reason I don’t. Frankly, I just don’t care anymore.
All of this together has led me to at least one realization: I don’t trust myself to make the right decision when the time comes. In fact, I’m extremely scared I will make the wrong decision. For this reason, I’ve been looking into self-admitting to the hospital, but I’m worried living there won’t be living at all, and it’s something I can’t find much information on.
This has all been a very long-winded way of asking; if you’ve been to a psych ward, mental hospital, or anything of the like, what is it like? Do you think you’re better off now because of it? And lastly, knowing what you know because of your experience(s), do you think it’ll help me? Thanks in advance.