No details are too much, please take me through what you changed, how you did it, when you did it (small steps, big steps) and most importantly, why you did it. What made you change? What made you act?
I do not have a set sleep schedule, and I haven't had that since I was a teenager. I'm in my early 30s.
I have noticed a very clear pattern when it comes to my sleep - if I fall asleep between 9 pm and 11 pm, I always wake up around 2 am. The thing is that I'm well rested and awake when I wake up, which makes it impossible to fall asleep again. If I fall asleep at 1 am or 2 am and so on, I can sleep for 5+ hours.
I'm a nightowl, but I always strive to sleep at night and be awake during the day. I never nap, because if I do I end up sleeping for too many hours and I mess up my sleep schedule. It is impossible for me to have a fixed sleep schedule as I work day and evening shifts in my job.
But why is it that when I go to bed early and at a decent time, I wake up after a few hours? While if I go to bed later, I get more hours? I would love to fall asleep at 10 pm and wake up at for example 5 am, but I can't sleep for that long.
They have not said anything about it yet Reddit has been filled with posts about it. What a huge disappointment. But now we know there is no reason to look forward to the anniversary anymore.
Edit: And I also realize WHY they won't change it. Because parts of this community is actually fucking stupid! People are here in the comments flexing that they have "thousands of cakes from past anniversary", when the spawn rate was MUCH higher than today. Because you got a HUGE amount years ago, you think it is alright that newer players today don't get anywhere close to the same amount as you used to get.
The spawn rate is crazy low considering this is also a 10th anniversary. It is supposed to be a huge celebration, and people here act like 10 million bloodpoints was a huge celebration. A great spawn rate of cakes would be a good celebration. But because some of you sit on cakes from past events where you got much more than today, you are fine with it. What a bunch of dummies.
I don't understand how they can make so much distance in such short amount of time. When I play survivor, I NEVER make that crazy distance between me and the killer just by vaulting a window - not even with lithe. They zoom off so far that I almost lose track of them, and if I try to follow, yeah then 2 gens pop immediately.
What is it that I don't understand? How are survivors faster than me as a killer? Am I losing my mind? Have played killer for 30 ish hours, and the only way I get a 4k is if the team is stupid.
When I run after a survivor, HOW can they speed up? There is no perk that makes the survivor faster than the killer? At least not that I know. And no I do not think they are cheaters, it is steam profiles and often someone with several 100 hours.
I'm trying out different killers at the moment and I'm simply just wondering what your favorite killer is, why you play them etc.
I have never had such a nightmare like this. I can't remember what led to the moment but I remember sitting on the floor with at least 20+ kittens, there were so many and the mom of the kittens were lying dead beside me. And I killed every single kitten with a screwdriver, I stabbed them twice each and then threw them into a bag. When I had two kittens left I noticed that the bag was moving, and that some of the kittens were not dead. When I discovered that I got filled with horrible conscience, I felt sick and started crying. I picked up one of the kittens that I had stabbed twice (every one were stabbed twice, in neck and stomach), I looked at it crying and thinking "this must be a dream, this can't be real" and then I luckily woke up.
I do not understand this. At all. It was me and the kittens and the dead cat mom in the room, I think the room was my livingroom. I was alone and when I stabbed the kittens I felt nothing - I just did it. I remember thinking that they were adorable, but I still stabbed them and I have no fucking clue why I would do such a horrible thing. I smelled blood, there was a lot of blood, the kittens never meowed, which is weird.
I also realized after I woke up and have been thinking about this dream, that it is the first time I ever dream that I kill someone. Some of the kittens didn't die but some of them did. I often remember my dreams and nightmares are not unusual for me, but more often I am the one who dies - I drown, get stabbed, fall down 30 floors in a lift etc. This is the first time I kill and torture someone.
The feeling I got when I realized what I was doing to the kittens, holy shit it was horrible. Horrible!! I felt so awful. And I had the feeling in my whole body when I woke up, I just had to stand up from the bed because I was feeling sick.
So my main issue with my mental health is depression, and I have suffered from anxiety in the pass but it has kind of disappeared as the depression has gotten worse (make it make sense). Now I have been feeling very low for the past weeks, and I recently agreed to take care of a pet for a friend this weekend. The pet came to stay with me yesterday and is staying until sunday.
And I have no idea how I'm going to get through one more day. I do not count the day my friend comes home, because then I will be "on edge" waiting for them and look forward to it. But now it feels like it is fucking weeks until they come home. But they come home on sunday.
This has nothing to do with the pet. The pet is sweet, calm and kind. It has everything to do with me being anxious about having a responsibility, me being scared of doing something wrong. I have constant butterflies in my stomach (feels more like a storm but best way I can describe the feeling), I'm on the verge of crying all the time. My apetite is usually fine (actually too big), and yesterday and today I have struggled to eat. I have not relaxed for a second since the pet came into my house, because I just worry. Every sound it make or movement it makes, I'm watching it scared that something will happen.
I have no one to talk to who understands this. I tried with a friend, but he seemed dismissive. Again the pet is not the problem, it is me. I just need reassurance and someone to tell me that I will make it through tomorrow too, today is so so rough and I'm looking at the clock all the time waiting for bedtime. Last night I slept horrible and only for a few hours, and I don't know if I will be able to sleep properly this night.
Feels like time is standing still and I don't know what to do. I feel horrible and ashamed on top of all this, I feel stupid, I get angry with myself, frustrated. It is chaos in my head and body right now.
I'm a 30 year old woman who tried out many different types of antidepressants in my late teens/early 20s and never experienced this side effect. However, when I was in my late 20s I tried Venlafaxine and Amitriptyline (not at the same time) and I got really bad urinary retention on both. This is a side effect I can't live with and I'm scared of getting it on other medications.
I'm seeing my doctor tomorrow to discuss starting a new type, has anyone here experienced UR on antidepressants and found one that does not cause this? The problem is not in my head, it's a literal physical "block" when I used these other medications. I have used wellbutrin without issues but it did nothing for me the 8 months I used it.
I know medication often come with side effects and I can live with feeling sick, not sleeping/sleeping too much, weight gain/loss and everything, but UR is horrible and not a issue I can live with at all.
TW: depression, slight mention of cancer, very dark thoughts
I'm in my early 30s and it never got better. That's what I heard from everyone when I was a teenager, when I was in my early 20s, my late 20s, I still hear it but it never gets better. Some say the good times will come by, some say you have to work hard, some say that one day you wake up and everything is better, some say you can never get rid of it and depression will forever be stuck in your brain like a parasite - you just have to learn how to live with it, and I guess that is true.
Life did not turn out in any way I wanted it to. NOTHING. I had a lot of dreams as a child, I wanted to become a chef, I wanted to become a therapist, I wanted to help and save people. When I was a teenager I fell in love with fashion and makeup and I would spend hours doing makeup and dressing up nice clothes, I never loved what I looked like but I enjoyed the process. I dreamed of having a boyfriend and travelling the world with him, and to feel love, but I have tried it and I'm done with it because I can't feel it and I can't love either. I don't believe in love.
All my life I had a complicated relationship with my dad and I have only shared details about it with therapist(s), no one else really knows the struggle I have been through because of my dad but I loved him dearly. He was always so proud of my siblings and I always thought that one day I will show him that I can become someone too, I always wanted to make him proud but I never got the chance because he died. All I was to him ever was a pain in the ass and a failure. Some will say "oh I'm sure he didn't feel that way", nah, I saw it, I noticed. It tears me apart when I think of it, that he had to die and I'm here. He loved life and had so much to live for and he had so many people love him. When I was sitting beside him a the hospital I wished so hard that I could just rip the cancer out of him and put it in myself to save him from it and to save myself from life.
I don't see a future, I have no education, I have a job where I can just work if I want and I have not picked up shifts in weeks because I can't stand my job anymore and I'm too scared to find something new because I suck at everything and got a horrible feeling that no one likes me and that I will fail at everything. I don't believe I can do anything and I can barely take care of myself. Showering is exhausting, talking to others is exhausting, caring about anything is exhausting and I have no idea how I'm going to get through this.
I achieved nothing in my 20s and now I'm more lost than ever, my therapist is supportive but are also talking along the lines of "get outside, go for a walk, start talking with people, don't isolate yourself" JESUS CHRIST I'M NOT ABLE TO. I know it is all in my head, I know that I'm the only one that can fix it, but I'm fucking GLUED to my chair in my home, I don't want to go outside, I cry when the sun is shining and hearing people laugh just makes my stomach turn. I'm filled with rage and sadness and hopelessnes. It sounds dramatic as fuck but it literally isn't it's just dark and painful, the silent kind of pain.
I used to try a little more, I used to take action for at least a little while, I used to dream, but not anymore, I haven't tried in a long time. I have no idea how to get out of this.
I don't know what I'm looking for posting here, probably just to be seen. Share whatever thoughts you want about it. I'm not easily offended.. Because I don't give a fuck, mostly. I know there are some very caring people out there and don't worry I'm not suicidal and I'm seeing my doctor on monday and I attend therapy. I fail at everything in life - I'm not gonna fail at.. THAT... Either.
Food is spaghetti and sausage mixed with tomato puree and onions.
I'm looking for games with a dark story that are quite depressing, have horror elements and such. Whatever game you think of when you hear "depressing, dark games". I'm going through a rough time and find comfort in books and movies that are dark, and I'd like to try some games, too. I play only on Steam so it has to be available there. Thank you in advance!
EDIT: You guys are amazing, thank you for your suggestions!!!!
An example of games I have enjoyed earlier are Mouthwashing and Downfall.
And I can't stop crying. I remembered watching this when I was in my mid teens, together with a friend every single Tuesday when it aired on our television. I remember loving it and I was always excited to watch it. Now, as a 30 year old, I rewatched all the seasons and I'm heartbroken it is over.
What an amazing show. I feel like I just ended multiple friendships, I don't get to know what happens to my girls anymore. And I realized how lonely I am in my own life - but also how much you actually learn from this show. Mary Alice's lines were always wise. So many good quotes about life, love and friendships. A bunch of episodes have left me thoughtful, making me reflect on my own life, my own choices.
Shows like this are not made anymore. I'm happy I watched it again. It's a fucking gem.
I'M HOWLING LOL WHAT IS THIS HAIR
I'm sad and I'm crying, but it has to be done. I'm sick of being obese. I can barely go outside the house without feeling overwhelming guilt and shame over having letting myself go this badly. Doing regular cleaning in the house and basic movement is exhausting for me.
My focus in the beginning is calorie counting. I can eat whatever I want - but it has to be within my budget (which is 1500 calories). After some days (or if I feel like it earlier) I will start introducing physical activity. And, after that, trying to go a few days without sugar and unhealthy stuff (in the beginning I will consume a small amount, within my budget, which will be tough enough as it is). I have counted calories before with great success (lost 10 kg, this is a few years ago), so I know what I'm doing luckily! I want to lose the weight fast the first 15 kg, and then go slow and steady from there.
Here's to becoming a better version of myself. I'm battling mental illness and are in a bad place right now, but I don't care. This is my goal, I need to lose the weight. I deserve better. I have been hating myself for so many years, I have been ignoring my health issues, I have been putting off taking care of myself for SO long. I have treated myself badly, I would never treat any other person like this, and I should not treat myself this way either. Counting calories and becoming aware of what I eat is a huge step in the right direction, I often beat myself up for not doing enough for myself and end up doing nothing - now I'm focused, this is what I'm going to focus on for a while now, and then I can start doing more about my lifestyle to become better and healthy. I'm keeping myself accountable. I CAN DO THIS. I have barely achieved anything in life. But I can achieve this. Food will not control me anymore. It will not ruin me.
SW, HW and CW: 105 kg
Goal weight withing the end of this year: 85 kg
Ultimate goal weight: 75 kg (I weighed this for years before becoming obese)
I don't know why I announce this. Maybe because I want someone to tell me I can do it. And maybe because I can come back in some months and say "I'm doing GREAT!!". I just want to tell someone, because I have no one else to tell. Cheers!!
I have very oily scalp and no I do not want advices on how to "fix" it because I have tried everything for years - I have washed my hair daily for months now and my hair and scalp has never been healthier.
I have been looking at the OUAI Fine Hair series and are considering trying it out. Has anyone used it daily and what is your experience with it? Do you have any other shampoos to recommend? My hair is fine, wavy and my scalp oily. My hair is not dry.
I'm rewatching DH for the first time in 10+ years and I'm blown away by Eddie's performance. I recently watched the episode about his backstory and how he turned out the way he did - incredible acting and even though he did terrible things, you could not NOT feel sorry for everything he went through. He was a kid that got severly let down by his parents - father leaving, and mother drinking and raising him to hate himself.
Now of course I'm not justifying his action but his character is definitely the most interesting in the show to me and it's a great storyline. Baby Eddie deserved so much better.
