Was I sexually assaulted? I’m struggling to process what happened
I’m a 23F and something happened a few nights ago that I can’t stop thinking about.
I went to my regular bar by myself and drank way too much. I blacked out. The bartender told me I couldn’t drive, and a man who is also a regular there (someone I considered a friend, probably around 48–50 years old) offered to drive me.
After that, my memory is almost completely gone.
The next thing I remember is briefly becoming aware that he was performing oral sex on me. Then I blacked out again. The next time I regained awareness, he was having sex with me. I think he ejaculated inside me, but I’m not completely sure because my memory is so fragmented.
I don’t remember agreeing to go to his house, agreeing to any sexual activity, or even getting there. He later texted me saying he values our friendship and was sorry if he “fucked it up.”
I’ve been blaming myself because I know I get flirty when I’m drunk, and I keep wondering if I might have said yes while blacked out. But I also know that if I had been sober, I would not have wanted to have sex with him.
I’m feeling confused, ashamed, and guilty, and I don’t know how to make sense of it. How did you process it?