Shot in the dark
Not really sure what else to do so burner Reddit account it is. Been at war with myself since i was 15, lived in a very volatile home due to addiction and never really could rest even though on paper I had it pretty good. Shortly after mom got sober and I took my first deep breath since I was a little kid my best friend passed away by his own hand. I was 17 when that happened and I’ve been in a controlled spiral since, I’m 20 now and I’m starting to scare myself. Recently discovered that when it comes to relationships I either never allow someone a chance, or after the first interaction even alluding to romance their every move has a complete grip on my emotional state with highs being pure ecstasy and lows being noticeable by everyone around me. This can happen within minutes of each other. Without sounding arrogant I’ve generally been the “smartest” guy in the room among the circles I happened to be born into, and this has led me on a conquest to try and right my brain myself. At this point I’m not sure how long I can keep losing but I’m not sure what to do