r/dysthymia

Hi, I'm a 20yo male undergrad, I'm diagnosed with BPD, C-PTSD, chronic depression and Some tics. I've had anorexia, bullimia, done cutting and had a suicide attempt.

Idk if i should explain all of my past here, but my question goes more directly in the reason of why i feel the need to not be alive. I've felt since I was 12 yo and uncomfortable, unbearable sensation of fatigue, like a burnout, tiredness but not from school or work but from life itself. The mere reason to exist, to be, feels exhausting, almost unbearable. I cannot understand myself how a person can go to work everyday when i can barely get out of my bed to feed myself even on psych meds.

I've tried to explain this to both my psychologist and psychiatrist but they just let it slide like something unimportant. Maybe i talk with a lot of euphemism but it's not joke when i say I was so exhausted from existence that the sole act of breathing was difficult. I wrote a suicide note explaining all of this but i just feel dumb about feeling that.

Was wondering if anyone has ever experienced the same or something similar? I might be overreacting maybe. I'm just tired and confused. Best regards to everyone and thank you in advance <3.

I feel a burning sensation in my chest all the time. I'm on medication, but nothing seems to work. Over the last few years, I’ve tried taking fluoxetine, Zoloft, trazodone, venlafaxine, lamotrigine, lithium, and cariprazine. Nothing works. I went from a mild depression diagnosis to bipolar disorder, but honestly, I doubt the diagnosis. It doesn’t feel like bipolar disorder because I’m always despondent; I always feel like my insides are burning down.

I’ve tried therapy.

I hit the gym.

I have a stable job, and I love my colleagues.

I have a very close relationship with my parents, and even though I live in a different city, I try to visit them as often as possible.

I have friends.

Nevertheless, every night I keep hoping I won’t wake up the next morning. I have no idea why life doesn’t bring any fulfillment and feels unbearable.

I went to depression support groups a few times, but it was a huge mismatch because the people there struggle with different things. Some of them have no one to talk to, and some can’t get out of bed. To be honest, I felt ashamed sharing my problems.

I’m functional. My friends say they’d never think I struggle with depression. Meanwhile, I feel emotionally bankrupt and don’t feel a connection with people anymore.

I have enough energy to go to the gym, take English lessons, attend social events, and hang out with people… Yet, I feel miserable all the time.

Has anyone experienced the same? Could you please share your experience?

How are you dealing with a life that’s supposed to feel fine but still makes you wish a huge asteroid would hit Earth and it would all be over?

Does anything help you recover?

If you’re stuck just like I am, feel free to vent in the comments or DM me.

I honestly don’t know what else I can do to feel better. I feel like my brain got fried and forgot how to function properly.

So, I met with a new psychiatrist today. Initially, they were all for prescribing me an MAOI (since I've tried so many other meds).

But as the meeting went on, I described how significant my trauma was/is. The conclusion that they/we came to (at least, in the moment) was that my depression/anixety were/are a direct result of my trauma/PTSD.

I'm reflecting on the meeting now, and I'm asking myself, "does it really matter why I'm depressed/anxious?"

I mean, I know this means I'll need trauma therapy (which I'm getting), but it doesn't mean meds won't help, right? And SSRI's have made me feel flat while SNRI's made me anxious (I'm sensitive to norepinephrine).

My eye was/is on Nardil (Phenelzine). My psych thinks I'd do better on Propranolol and psychotherapy.

Idk what to think. I have depression (atypical), anxiety, AuDHD, OCD, Tourettes, PTSD, and trichotillomania.

Any advice/suggestions?

Thank you 🙏🏻

man I KNOW this is true, like youre the only one who can take care of yourself. but Im tired all the time. Im lazy. I don’t want to do anything, theres not a molecule of motivation in my body for most things. “you just have to change your mindset.“ THATS TOO MUCH WORK. I run every day like I have 4 hours of sleep. it doesn’t matter if I get none, 4, 10, 15 I still feel tired and unmotivated. Everytime I force myself to do something im just rewarded with more stuff I need to take “care of.” I hate feeding myself. I hate going to Dr appointments. my doing better is just a chore. i guess it’s the nature of this disorder to feel good for a week and bam, back to wanting to die.

how’d I get here?? a fucking rant from some girl in a yt video I was watching. it was directed at some obese woman who said she was struggling on her diet because of stress. honestly hearing that rant that I’ve heard thousands of time just made me angry as fuck. I thought “this bitch should just let me fucking die already.” I get the same thing from friends and family, being human is just meant to be doing petty little tasks until you finally die. BUT ITS WRONG TO GIVE UP EARLY?? I hate this man. I wish I ended it so I didn’t have to do stuff today and it’s like that every day even some of the good days. I want to find a forest and just lay there until I die of thirst or get murked by a pack of wolves. honestly I won’t even kill myself. I’ll let nature take its course bro, like it’s meant to be. a lazy fuck like me wouldnt survive in the wild, my genes need to be stopped from propagating. ugh I live for warrior cats only. i do stuff just for more warrior cats. for my 6 molecules of dopamine every day. genuinely hope I have diabetes so I can fucking die. and it’ll be my fault, and no one can say “oh how tragic and unexpected.” I am a piece of shit, I deserve my death.

Im gonna puzzle. I am just gonna puzzle and draw some warrior cats. I am not gonna wallow in self pity anymore. because I am tired of it. thanks for reading my bullshit :D

I know they keep telling us "It's only a matter of time" and "keep in mind that you'll do better". But is it real? I personally don't believe that anymore, but I want to know if people do really go back to a 'normal' life.

I read somewhere that the hallmark of dysthymia is a feeling that you don't belong. I find that its true for me. I have never felt that I really belonged to my family of origin or any group, really.

My first question is do other people with dysthymia feel that way.

It defenitly has a negative aspect but I find it has a positive aspect, too. Group thinking never sweys me and I'm able to be in groups and have a completely different way of of thinking than the group norms. Also, the group hirarcy does not impress me. I evaluate things according to their essence and not according to who said them, be it a proffesor/teacher/manager etc. That, of course, got me into trouble not once but its valuble to be able to evaluate the essence of things and see theough people's titles.

My second question is if other people with dysthymia have it, or it is just me.

27m dx'd with PTSD, "AuDHD" (yes, I know that's not a medical term), OCD, anxiety (various forms), and depression (w/ atypical features like weight gain, leaden paralysis, mood reactivity, RSD, etc.)

I've tried a slew of meds (SSRI's, SNRI's, beta/alpha blockers, stimulants, gabapentinoids, etc.) without much success. The issue has always been either side effects, or that the med helped in one area but worsened another symptom/condition (ex. stimulants helping ADHD but worsening ptsd/OCD).

At this point, I'm looking into options such as MAOI's or possibly a TCA. I believe that MAOIs have stronger evidence in atypical depression, right?

The two specific meds on my radar are Nardil and Clomipramine.

Do you have any other ideas/suggestions I can bring up with my new psych (who is double board certified unlike the other psych NP's I've met with) in two days?

Thank you 🙏🏻

has anyone found anything helpful for ACTUALLY feeling good, even for just a bit?

i work, don't feel good. i eat well, don't feel good. i go to the gym, don't feel good. i try to socialize, i don't feel good. i do things i like, i don't feel good. i stop doing all of these things, i don't feel good. no matter in what moderation or what combination, nothing feels.

ive tried SSRIs, wellburtin and ADHD stimulants and still nothing. i don't know how to describe how frustrating and dead and like absolute nothing life feels. and i'm not even asking for long-term happiness. just one thing to really make me feel good, and maybe for it to last a few hours... maybe even a day if that's too greedy to ask for.

Hi! I was wondering, if anyone has experience with overcoming dysthymia, what was your turning point to recovery? I feel like I’m close to a breakthrough, but it’s like I’m missing something.

My story with dysthymia
The earliest memory with depression was in 4/5th grade. I was brushing my teeth before bed. All of the sudden I felt overwhelmed by all of the demands in my life, such as doing well at school and making friends. On my way to bed I broke down in tears in the living room. My mom tried to comfort me, but I couldn’t articulate why I was feeling the way I was feeling. Mostly because I thought that my case and the demands I had wasn’t anything special, because everyone else seemed to handle their life well.

The moment I actually became really depressed was in higher secondary school. Besides normal school demands, I had a part time job and was operating a youth business as a part of one of my lectures. At that time my day was school from 8am to 3pm, homework and dinner, part time work from 6pm to 10pm, and staying up to 1am to work for the youth business. I became so exhausted, so as a coping mechanism, I developed binge eating disorder. That resulted in me weighing 165kg at my heaviest.

Although I was depressed and had developed an eating disorder, I managed to get two bachelors degrees. During the last bachelor degree, in 2020, I decided to finally commit to losing weight. I worked with a nutritionist, and between 2021 and 2023, I lost a total of 80kg. Looking back at it, this was the happiest time of my life. Not because anything had changed, it was just that my whole purpose at the time was losing weight.

Finally, in 2023, completing my second bachelors degree and losing the weight, I moved to Oslo for work. I started working in a kindergarten, and in the beginning everything was going great. But slowly I started getting more depressed. I worked in a big kindergarten, 160 children, which left me completely drained after work. This led to me isolating in bed after work. And in the weekends, I would go out partying. Not a good combo. In spring if 2024 I decided that I had to switch jobs, and I got work in child protective services outside of town.

Although things was about to change, the day after I quit the kindergarten, my little brother died in an accident. That whole summer felt like an hallucination, just coping and dealing with the grief. Three weeks later I started the new job. Everything was going well in the start, work helped keeping my mind elsewhere. But the exhaustion and isolation kept persisting. After three months working, I finally couldn’t take more. I kept crying at work, and a coworker convinced me to get a sick leave. Getting that sick leave took everything away from me, because it became the realization of how sick I really was. I got referred to a psychiatrist and started medication.

The status today is that I’m stable. I’m on Wellbutrin 150g and Brintellix 5g. I’m going to my psychiatrist and a psychomotor physiotherapist weekly. I work out four times a week, and eating well. So even though I’m not heavily depressed, I’m stable. But that’s the thing right there, being stable has been my way through it all. While on the outside, it seems like I’m managing well, I have not truly recovered. I have been here so many times, but it feels like I’m missing something. That one thing that makes me go from maintaining staying stable, to actually living. I try to do things that make me happy. And although I can feel happiness in the moment, that happiness only exists in that moment. Nothing makes me want to go back and do more of it. And when I try to listen to what I want to do, nothing comes to mind. All I want to do is play games and lie in bed. And even though I try to stay social, I really struggle to feel connected with people in the moment. Usually what happens when I’m with people, is that my mind goes blank and I become an observer. I stay silent and I begin observing my actions and other peoples actions. It feels so hard to connect with people, because nothing truly interests me. And even though I try to engage, it just becomes a reaffirmation of what I cannot manage. And also, I start to feel guilty, because I can’t appreciate what everyone else is doing for me. I can’t appreciate or miss someone. And I think to myself “I feel like the world’s worst human”.

I know what I’m struggling with now is my depression talking. But again, I feel like I am at the brink of a breakthrough. That thing that takes me from surviving to actually start living. To actually feel emotions and appreciation for life. So the question remains, what was your turning point to fully recover?

Thanks for taking the time to read, and I appreciate every response or advice I can get.

Male, 28, Norway

Does anyone else have the kind of depression whereby it primarily expresses its self as low energy/ motivation. The doctor diagnosed me with mixed anxiety and depression but it went on for a few years. It felt like a moral failure, if only I tried harder.

My name is Christian and i’ve been feeling off for most of this year, somewhere around Christmas my mood dropped and I started feeling really tired and unmotivated most days. I do try to workout and I used to be very good at soccer but I always face injuries or just see how everyone is naturally better than me and i just suck. I’m not sure why I’m like this now out of nowhere but even a simple task feels harder and all i do is rot on my phone and time flys by. I always get motivation to start stuff but 2 weeks in or a month it just goes away, I don’t know who to talk to about this I asked my mom to put me in counseling she always says she will but never does. I do feel happy still but that’s only when I get stuff done or i’m with my friends, and i’ve also noticed how the feeling of my online friendships/relationships just fades like what once looked and was exciting is just drag. And what makes me feel dumb is how I shouldn’t have a reason to feel like this I have a normal life, good friends, i’m not unattractive, i’m one of the top students at my school, but it’s just like something clicked out of nowhere that got rid of my motivation and the feeling to feel without others. If you have any questions I will reply to them.

I know that there was one post about writing a character with dysthymia, but mine is little diffrent, so I'm here to check if I'm portraying her correctly

(just wanted to tell that it's warrior cats pbp blog character, but the mental disorders these characters have are based on human ones, not on real cats.)

Basically, she is autistic and has no traumas (maybe except constantly thinking about a friend who died in a flood right before her eyes when they were both very young (the friend was a kitten at the time, while she herself had just become an apprentice)). Her struggles intensified following a long period of untreated insomnia. She has a place in the clan and a partner, yet she finds interacting with others difficult. She feels she ought to know the cats in her clan, but she sometimes mixes up their names or cannot recall them at all.

She tries to remain cheerful, but her thoughts often drift to friends she hasn't spoken to in ages or to relationships that faded away through her own fault. She is constantly nagged by the feeling that she is doing something wrong, though when an event excites her, she is able to simply enjoy it without overthinking things.

.

Oh, and she have trust issues (trusts too much)

PS. I used google translate to correct some things. Hope it's understandable!

i do everything right, i’m on medication, i see people, i have a job, i have a lovely boyfriend. The issue is that it never goes away. i always feel lonely and i am rarely happy for more than 5 minutes at a time . my meds work enough, im no longer constantly suicidal only momentarily but i cannot shake this sadness. everything feels wrong and out of place and i don’t know who i am. i want to feel normal. i don’t know how.

Hey guys, I was recently diagnosed with double depression (PDD & MDD). I have other issues, but this seems to be my most daily struggle. The overall grayness of life then episodes of even worse depression with rumination and bad ideology makes life horrible. The only way I can deal with episodes I’ve found out is doing drugs or just telling myself it will pass. It seems like it tends to get worse with time (I believe I only had PDD till I started Zoloft, so it might be medication-caused) but has anyone else experienced this “Double Depression” and how do you live with it?

Dysthymia (Persistent Depressive Disorder) sucks because, in order to truly improve it, you have to consistently do things that help your mental health such as, work out, eat better, get enough sleep, get outside, socialize, etc. The problem is that the illness itself takes away your motivation and will to do those things, so forcing yourself to do them feels like trying to push a car uphill.

Medication helps my anxiety and depression, but no medication I’ve taken has touched the apathy, anhedonia, or the constant feeling that life is just…mundane and pointless. That’s the part that’s the hardest to explain to people. I’m not necessarily sad, I don’t want to die. I’m just not interested in living.

One of the few things I enjoy is food and now I’m obese (you can’t tell by looking at me, I have somewhat of an athletic build besides by gut), so I have to stop eating the things I enjoy before my obesity becomes apparent, so that sucks.

First of all, I haven’t been diagnosed with dysthymia but with anxious-depressive disorder and social anxiety.

However, since I’ve started to dig in to the symptoms and considering the duration of them (I’ve been depressed since 2021) I think I might have dysthymia. Only last year did I start taking antidepressants and therapy.

I try to be active in my life and I’ve undergone many changes like plenty of new hobbies, new school etc. Nonetheless, I repeatedly get to this depressed state when none of that matters to me (like rn). I feel no joy, excitement. Either close to nothing or just anger, melancholy with crying and utter disgust/irritation by the world and people around me.

I suck at my work and I hear every day from some colleagues how useless I am and that they would be better off without me. I try to be patient with them, I know they are rightfully frustrated but I try to work diligently but I do make mistakes because it’s my second week there.

I am just so fucking tired and frankly dont want to continue in my life. Dont get me wrong my life has been perfect but I cannot handle existing and being a conscious being anymore lol.
There’s nothing in the future im looking forward to even though there are things that should make me feel excited but I feel nothing. I got accepted to my “dream uni” I worked hard to get in but guess what. No joy, no excitement, just worrying and emptiness.

Sometimes I wish I got sick and die or just go to sleep and never wake up. Or “accidentally” got hit by a truck. I am too lazy to kms. It takes too much effort and guilt and I kinda dont know if afterlife exists etc. I feel absolutely trapped exhausted and dome with everything. No matter what I do I always end up in this depressed state it is fucking pissing me off already.

I jist wanted to vent a little to actual humans after speaking just to gpt. Hope you are doing well and wish you a lot of strength in this absurd tragicomedy called life.

i dont feel valid i feel like i could be happy but i force myself to be depressed and i feel like im faking it

is it normal to feel like that?

hi,

i have high functioning depression... i live at home (in the house i grew up), with my parents who are in their early 70s, and older sister who has low functioning depression. i work as a software developer, in a tiring job, the pay could be better... but it's not exploitative thank goodness (its about 95k in miami). been at the same company for 6 years, wear many hats...

i help my sister a lot... she has a sad story, she was valedictorian in 2004 and gave a speech in front of thousands of people at her hs graduation... (i wish i could find the dvd) then failed pharmacy school and since then... stays at home doing absolutely nothing in her bed, and she walks and talks strange. she forgets to wash her hair a lot, so i shampoo her hair and help her take a shower. she doesnt play watch tv or play anything and people are worried if she walks outside she'll get harmed. i just help her, but i dont talk to her because i have mild to moderate hearing loss and i cant hear her. she sees many doctors (all the time) but it seems to be 100% depression, not neurological. mri negative, wilson's disease, negative, which is great but... feels unresolved. i have four other older siblings... they are all doing their own thing.

i take 400mg of modafinil, about 600mg of caffeine daily, and 30g of kratom, and prozac. the modafinil is from overseas, and the kratom ive taken for 10 years. it sounds extreme but it is all regular and it has been what ive done for 10 years. i feel ok with it even though i know i am building medical debt in my body. all three are split across the day,and i have acquired such a high tolerance to all. but i simply... cannot work, and get so tired if i dont take them. ive been like this for 3 years, before then it was smaller doses of each... the dosage of each has slowly risen. but i do feel... productive and alive because of these medications. i feel like i can work and think, especially because of the kratom. it is addictive, i wont lie... but i definitely feel like i need it to be productive.

i have about 200k in student loans, 8k in credit card debt. my credit score is 580... i originally had autopay on a student loan company, then, it changed officers to nelnet, and yes, they did try calling me to let me know about late payments, but i dont answer the phone anymore because of spam calls... and it dropped and i then had to go through nelnet's challenging please wait 30 minutes to attempt logging in again form to get back on autopay. i was also pushed into getting a 3000 cleaning with arestin, and this left me with an open account that had such a challenging login mechanism. even after paying the full balance and contacting the company, i am left with a derogatory mark.

now im worried because i have help a family member get a new car but i dont think ill qualify but then that'll show that i have financial problems, which always goes back to people criticizing my job and saying you need to find a new job because they think i will listen, do that and leave my current company.

i have paid but not filed taxes since 2018, fortunately, i believe i dont owe any money and ive been transparent about my address and the irs never sends me anything except pin numbers... luckily. i am told this is an easy problem to solve though, but quite time consuming. parents want to sell the house and move because of termites and have me take on the mortgage, i have sentimental memories of this house and luckily it is in miami so it is worth a lot... but parents dont have fond memories, and it is their house but im the only one who can make the mortgage.

i have severe high functioning depression and just work 45 hours a week as a developer and then on saturday and sunday, i lie in bed for 12 hours each day, playing Fire Emblem Three Houses and Engage and trying to get to n1 and kanken level 2 japanese. i originally started playing video games as a way to curb a slot machine addiction. but then it became a way to improve my japanese. when i was younger being fluent in japanese and mandarin were dreams of mine, and that is one thing im super proud of, that ive attained almost native level japanese.

Ever since 2022 when i was dumped by a guy i really liked (im gay and everyone knows no big deal for me), i havent had any sex drive, and i dont exercise or go out because my mom says if i go for a jog, ill get run over and i dont want to hear negative comments after exercising.

work is tiring and my boss is so quixotic trying to ride this wave of AI innovation, and every day needing to churn out new ideas is exhausting. thank god i work from home and can take naps every 2 hours for 10 minutes. parents are always arguing and both need lots of help, and i give them both shots at evening time of insulin so i dont think i can get my own place... especially with my financial state. parents especially dad can get really angry easily. but he does always ask me, "did you eat today? what do you want to eat?" and cooks stuff for me. that is nice.

life could be worse but i am blessed that i have so much family around me. i do feel like sometimes i can never publicize that i might have failed in certain ways... because i get so emotional from criticism. friends message me all the time, but are disappointed when i say i still live at home with my parents. i am very blessed though, i have a sort of team-like relationship with my parents.

**i think the biggest thing is many things dont feel in my control, how difficult or sick my parents and sister get, my financial situation, company struggling, everything feels hard. nothing feels like... easily solvable. everything feels expensive and time consuming. so then i just escape to play some games (that i love)**

thank you for listening

I don't know where to start so I will just jump in - I (F-30), have had a lifelong battle with depression. My therapist has suggested I have a personality on the schizophrenic spectrum (not schizophrenia itself). I simultaneously have little desire to go make social connections yet I am aware this had led to being lonely. I'm an only child, I grew up military so I have made few connections in life. My favorite childhood memories (I should say memory because I can only think of one) are memories where I am alone - which was most the time. I feel like a normal life is impossible for me. I have no motivation, I am constantly tired, I can tell people think I'm weird. I have no interest in romantic relationships. I have cyclical vomiting syndrome - this has led to me losing jobs and friendships. I wake up everyday and think about every bad memory I have all day. I cannot conjure up any positive memories because I just don't have any. I have been able to do some cool things like travel during my childhood. Somehow, I am not able to enjoy anything. I've been told this is temporary - but it has always been this way for me. I've always had a preoccupation with death. Once my parents are gone, I will truly have nobody. I struggled in school and that led to everybody thinking I'm stupid. I have a hard time communicating with people so I see why they say that. I was blamed for my depression, my words are constantly twisted by my own mother. She misinterprets what I say, then turns around to her family and makes me out to be a bad person. People make fun of me to my face regarding all the "stupid" things I have done meanwhile they get every detail wrong and include straight up lies. I feel like I hate everybody I know. I have tried to get better. I've tried so many anti-depressants and they don't do a thing for me. I'm in therapy. I started a mood stabilizer and if it doesn't help me I'm done. I don't want to hurt my parents. However, I get into moods where I don't care if they're upset. They upset me my entire life. Cold and neglectful parents are a root cause of my (suggested) personality disorder. Sometimes I think it isn't worth having living a terrible life just so they can be less miserable. I am both physical and emotional pain. I have a plan and I think about it constantly. All I ever wanted is to feel peace - even just a little bit, and have some connections to other people in life. I don't think that was too much to ask for. I have never been able to "clear my head". It's constant noise and a voice telling me it's too late, and that I can never have a life worth living. It has only happened a few times, but I am beginning to experience both auditory and visual hallucinations. The only comfort I get now is thinking about the plan I have to end my life. I'm going to go to a hotel and overdose on sleeping pills. I will give it until my next birthday in a few months. If the mood stabilizer doesn't kick in, I am going to do it. Sometimes I fantasize about what I would like my life to be. There is a part of me that wants to get better, but I have tried so many times to no avail. It's like I am incapable of feeling human emotions. I so deeply want to be somebody who can find joy in life. I'm just not that person. Nothing anybody has said on the subject has gotten through to me. I'm starting to think it is time to wrap this up. Death is not the worst thing that can happen to someone. I think of it as saving myself from a life full of torture.