u/MightAccomplished478

21 m, I’ve been dealing with depression/anxiety since I was a teen. I noticed in my adult years that I could never hold a single job for more than 4-6 months, I would get so burnt out on the work I was doing and just stopped completely caring about the consequences and the fact that I need a job to pay for my necessities. I’ve probably had over 10 job by now and it’s embarrassing to admit that because all I ever was told from family/friends that I’m just being lazy and should try harder, basically cope. I would later become very depressed due to trying to understand why I wasn’t like everyone else and how much of a “fuck up” I was and eventually it would end me up in a psyche hospital. Spent a few weeks in there and left with different medications , I started off with lexapro which I think had no effect on me , then to hydroxyzine and then now Zoloft . In my personal experience I really just feel numb more than anything and have lost a lot of interest for the little things I cared about . I seriously don’t know where to even begin to fix this and see it as pointless in useless to keep on going . Sorry to rant I just want to see if anyone could help me understand why I’m like this.

[21m] my life recently has consist of the same thing over and over again , work and go immediately home to game and smoke weed . I had a friend group that I would spend a lot of time with but I cut them off cause I saw how a lot of them would hangout together without inviting me , having they’re own group chat and going on trips and shit,I often reflect on those moments and I beat myself up for it. It’s hard to find a relationship/friendship that’s consistent, it seems like no one has any real interest in me or what I have to say/talk about . I see so many other people with friends going out , partying , going on trips , and being close to each other and I get so depressed that I don’t really have that .

Ever since I was 16 I’ve been diagnosed with depression/adhd/anxiety/insomnia. Reason why I mention all of this is because I’m sure it plays a huge part in why I am the way that I am and not being able to stay at a job longer than a year. I recently quit my job I was at for 10 months due to a very high stress and toxic work environment with little pay . After I left I’ve became so depressed and hopeless because I know I fucked myself over with my work history and I’m so worried that I’m not going to get far in life if I keep this up. It’s never the work that’s too hard or me being “lazy” it’s more of the same repetitive task and I get so burnt out on it. I know what probably all of y’all are thinking and yes it’s embarrassing that I’m like this ,Am I screwed?