r/offmychest

Im out of words right now. I am feeling so much emotions at once that I feel so numb right now. I just found out I have no clitoris and I almost 22…

The reason why I found out so late cause I been to all girls private school my whole life, they didn’t teach us about sex education.

Last month, I was very suicidal. I wanted to kill myself but I didn’t want to die as a virgin. So I educated myself on sex so I can lose my virginity before I kill myself. Because in Islam, if you kill yourself then you won’t go to heaven so that’s why I wasn’t scared to not keep my Chasity since I’m going to hell anyways. (No worries I have no intention to kill myself now)

During the sex research, I seen article of the benefits of masturbation for woman. I was on my period so of course I didn’t try. I told myself I will do it when my cycle is over but then I forget all about it.

Fast forward to last night, I was bored and curious. I wanted to do masturbation for the first time, I put one finger but I felt nothing. It was just painful and numb. I was so confused because two fingers wouldn’t fit but one finger does nothing? So I watched a tutorial, I noticed I didn’t have a clit. Then it clicked in my head that I have gotten FGM. I was born in Somalia but I don’t remember anything from Somalia cause I moved to Kenya when I was only 6 months. I have type 1 FGM so it made sense why I didn’t feel that much pain compared to the other survivors of FGM. I assume cause I was only a baby, they only did type 1. I think if I stayed for Somalia any longer they would have done the types on me as I grew.

I am not crying, I just feel numb. I have some resentment to my mom for allowing this. I resent my community. I hate this horrible custom that is justified by religion. For those who don’t know, FGM is done so sex is painful for woman making them less likely to have sex before marriage. To cage women. It makes me want me to lose my virginity more just to rebel. I want to leave my religion. I hate how cause I was born a woman, I get treated like a object and not a human.

My partner is constantly posting to her reddit account and a lot of it is unhinged things. She is also insanely judgmental in her comments to other redditors and often calls people “the r-word”. Seeing her in this different light makes me lose respect for her, it also is reducing my attraction towards her along with making me question our relationship.

I am M20 and i was raised in a germophobe household. I had car sex after a while and I tried putting down towels etc. But i still have these thoughts of the girl touching things around the car after sex. I did wipe down everything with wipes and made sure they sanitzied her hands after giving me a blow and fucking but i keep thinking about spots I might have missed to wipe etc.

Now i want to have sex in my house and she is ready but i keep thinking of the same things. What if she touches things around my house without washing herself and I have to sanitize the whole bedroom instead of my sheets. How do people usually clean up and not think this deep about cleaning? Is it still normal to wipe your car ?

Literally how the hell am I ever meant to like myself ?? I am dusgusting I just don’t get it I can’t picture anyone genuinely finding me attractive n my reality has confirmed that I feel like shit ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh no matter what I do how much I distract myself I still hate myself I’m not even shy or isolated I still live my life n approach ppl n solo travel n have hobbies n I have worked part time n full time im even in uni now n I still hate myself idk how I don’t have an 3ating disorder I mean I don’t think being skinny is the problem im already fit I just look like a man , lol I remember this one guy saying to me , most men don’t like black women but they always wonder what it’s like to sleep w them , I can’t even pull my own men cuz im so ugly bruh ong likeee , jealousy n resentment for anyone who is better than me which is basically anyone n pretty women eats me alive , idk where to put it omfggg

I started drinking alcohol just before I turned 18. I remember having so much fun with friends hanging out and just drinking and chatting. The last year or even more though I’ve started drinking by myself more frequently. I’d say I drink by myself more than with friends at this point. I currently drink 2-3 times a week on average, rarely once and sometimes 4 times.

Yesterday I lied to my mum about meeting with a friend just so I could drink alone at the park and ‘chill’ by my lonesome. I’m not sure if this is normal behaviour but I was so bored and still hungover from Saturday night that I wanted to chill in nature with a few drinks and listen to music. I’m in quite a strange period in my life, I recently got fired from my job for reasons not related to drinking, although I was still drinking this frequently when I was working.

Once I start drinking I find it very difficult to stop, or just don’t care enough to. I find it honestly a bit baffling that lots of people can have maybe 1 or 2 drinks and be satisfied with that. If I am out with friends or family for drinks, I’ll figure out a plan so that I can buy more drinks by myself to continue til I go to sleep. Does this sound like a problem? I feel like the fact I’m only 23 might help a little but it’s starting to affect my overall mood, motivation and progress at the gym. Despite these negative consequences, I still find it difficult or simply don’t want to take a break from drinking. Sorry for the long rant I just needed to vent tbh.

I'm 24, and today I quit my job on impulse after having a breakdown at work.

The main reason was my coworker (she's 19). For months she's had this constant know-it-all attitude and constantly talked down to me like I didn't know anything. At first I ignored it because I don't like conflict, but it kept happening over and over until I started dreading going to work every day. It got to the point where I was feeling physically sick before every shift.

What makes me feel disappointed in myself is that I never really stood up for myself. I'm a pretty friendly person, and I'd rather stay quiet, do my job, and avoid arguments. I know I probably should have said something sooner, but every time I wanted to, I just couldn't bring myself to do it because I didn't want to create problems.

There were only the two of us working each shift in a small store, so there was no escaping it. Every shift was spent with someone who constantly acted like they knew everything and treated me like I was beneath them.

Today I just reached my limit. I had a breakdown, went to my boss, told him I quit, and walked out.

Now I'm second-guessing myself. Part of me wonders if I overreacted or if I should have talked to my boss first instead of quitting on the spot. But another part of me feels relieved because my gut was telling me this job was making me miserable.

The thing that's making me panic now is that I don't really have any savings. I can probably survive for about a month and a half before I really need another job, so I'm worried that I acted too impulsively. But unfortunately there is no going back now.

And in general fuck people too. Im nothing good myself. I am a fool but i will admit it

I see my mom, and she is a good mom i guess, but she really turned me off from relationships man. I haven't seen her be affectionate with my dad more than once in my whole entire fucking life. Not more than ONCE. I'm 26. Why are they still married? It seems miserable.

If thats what my relationship would turn out to be then I don't ever want it. And sadly thats the only real example in my life.

But even after my first heartbreak I still don't see the point in dating. Maybe if i was a fun guy to be around but i'm not. Its just how it is.

I never showed my face in these photos but my whole nude body was out. I was 18-19 and was so lonely IRL but online, I got validation. : instant messages and sometimes money (not a lot). im a few years older now and I am so ashamed of what I have done. im engaged and my anxiety kicks up like what if my past haunts me? what if he finds out and leaves me? I h8 myself for doing that and wish I never did. I know there is a nude from a few years ago still out there. Technically no one can prove it's me since my face isn't in it and I was much thinner back then lol but still, the thought haunts me.

my dumb ass also shared my phone number with 2 ppl at that time. I was 18 and these men were in their late 30s. one ghosted me after he got married and the other ghosted after I refused to meet up. a few months before the engagement, one of them reached out and we texted but then I realized how effed that was so he got blocked. both are blocked

also before my relationship got serious (only texting/occasionally calling since it was long distance at the time), I sent a bra pic to some random and got $200. I realized this today when I was looking at my bank records. why did I do that.... so dumb and disrespectful to my now fiancee. that was a few years ago but still. holy shit what if he leaves me for that?

I know I sound nuts but not only do I regret my actions but I also worry about potential consequences. like girl why did u do this to urself. plz dont do what I did. stay safe online and IRL

My ex and I broke up a couple months ago, I’m 26M, and I went on to hinge, I went out with a few girls, I went all crazy for a couple of weeks and this one girl I met from the day I met her we just fuck like rabbits. Our first date was supposed to just be a movie date to see obsession, we vibes rlly well otp the couple days prior and she came over before hand and we fucked 4 times before the movie. Now everytime we hang out (2-3 times a week) and we’re otp constantly when we’re not working we can’t stop, I feel so amazing when I’m with her and she always tells me the same. I’m just very content with the way everything’s kicked off so far

I’m frustrated because sometimes it feels like in order to have amazing sexual chemistry, I have to lower my standards emotionally.

I’ve never been fortunate enough to meet a man where the sexual chemistry was strong and he also respected, valued, and cared about me as a person. The men I’ve had the most intense physical chemistry with have usually been emotionally unavailable, inconsistent, disrespectful, or only interested in my body.

And that sucks because I’m not pretending the chemistry wasn’t real. It was. The attraction was there. The sex was good. Sometimes really good. But outside of that, I felt like I had to accept crumbs of basic decency.

I don’t want to be in a position where my body wants someone but my self-respect knows they’re not good for me. I don’t want to keep choosing between desire and dignity.

I want passion, but I also want kindness. I want sexual compatibility, but I also want communication. I want someone who wants me physically but still treats me like a full human being after.

I’m just tired of feeling like the men who can turn me on the most are also the ones who make me feel the least valued. I know I shouldn’t settle for that, and I’m not going back to it, but damn, it’s frustrating.

I’m referring to casual sex by the way

I hate living in this third world country with little to no access to anything, zero connections, no money and no available jobs for teenagers. Even degree holders cannot get a proper job in this shitty ass county. The education system is shit, and you get shit on if you don't perform well on your exam, having to memorize random lines from a random poem written in 600 bc, that too when you're 18 years old in highschool. There's literally a 0.001 percent chance you'd escape this hellhole and break the cycle of poverty and make it big, so I'm still not losing hope.

But deep down, I wish people here had a bit of common sense or a bit of self control. They keep popping out babies like it's a competitive sport while having zero food or shelter and people would caption it like "omg look such a young struggling parent omg mother's love 😭💕", just romanticizing poverty in general, zero accountability whatsoever and claiming the kids to be "gifts of god" while treating them like absolute dog shit.

I wish I was never born. Truly. I love my parents, all the sacrifices they made for me but I feel like being born in a poor family in a third world country really strips the life out of you.

Am I jealous? Yes. I'd always keep wondering how it's like being born in a first world country with a good family and a safe home.

And I'll never have kids. I'd never want another soul to go through what I'm going, with my own choice. The cycle ends with me💗

I'm 6 weeks + 1 day pregnant. This was planned. My husband and I are both 31, and we've been together since we were 16.

For the past year and a half, we've been seriously talking about having children. It's been off and on for both of us though, we've had fights and we've both flipped sides at different points during the last year and a half. Before that, we were firmly in the childfree camp for about 10 years. Back in high school, we'd talk about having a family someday, but our 20s were a rollercoaster, mostly because I was dealing with significant mental health issues.

I'm finally in a much healthier place, and I think that's what made me open to motherhood again. We've also become much more stable in general. We sold our condo, bought our dream property, and both found ourselves thinking, "Maybe kids would actually fit into the life we've built." Our property feels like the perfect place to raise a family.

I got pregnant on our first cycle trying, which completely shocked me. I honestly didn't expect it to happen so quickly, and part of me had convinced myself I might be infertile.

At first, I felt excited. Maybe not over-the-moon excited, but hopeful.

Over the past two weeks, though, I've felt myself spiraling into despair.

A lot of it comes back to my own childhood. My mom had untreated mental health issues and, looking back, I don't think she ever truly thought through what becoming a parent would mean. Growing up, I always felt like motherhood wasn't the life she actually wanted, and it often felt like she regretted it. She parentified me, confided in me about her marriage to my dad, and shared burdens that no child should have to carry.

I cannot repeat that.

I saw someone write, "I'd rather regret not having kids than regret having kids," and that sentence has been stuck in my head ever since.

There's also another issue that's weighing on me. My partner and I never fully agreed on family size. I always pictured one child. Before we started trying, he said he wanted either two children or none at all. I hoped that once we were actually pregnant, we could revisit the conversation. I brought it up again the other day, and he was still firm: two or none.

Now I'm panicking. It feels wrong to continue this pregnancy while secretly hoping he'll change his mind. I don't think that's fair to either of us, and I don't want to build a family on the expectation that one of us will eventually give in.

I'm also deeply ashamed that we decided to try without fully working through these conversations first. I feel like I should have thought this through more carefully before we got here.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? Did the panic and regret pass? Or did you realize it was telling you something important? I could really use some perspective because I feel completely overwhelmed right now.

Edit: I just realized I never actually touched on the topic of abortion. Over the weekend I've had several discussions with my husband and while I know he will be disappointed, he is supportive of me going ahead and getting an abortion because he doesn't want to do this if my heart isn't truly in it. At first I thought maybe our relationship would be over but I think he knows we can still have a good life together, and that we are still young and it's not like it can't happen later down the road. At first I was afraid he would leave me so that he could find someone else I realized it would be so unhealthy to keep the pregnancy just to "keep him". Anywho, I called two clinics today to try and schedule a surgical abortion and I'm just terrified and so so ashamed.

The last job I worked was in 2019. I got sick with something that just resolved recently and because I wasn't able to physically keep up anymore, they let me go. My mom suffered a stroke during lockdown a few months and was rendered bedbound, and since I was an only child her care fell solely to me.

She couldn't move without assistance, so I could only leave the house for necessities like groceries and medication for as long as was strictly necessary for years. I'd go out for walks after she'd go to bed at night to stay sane, but I burnt out hard and after she died my grandfather moved me in with he and my father and I ended up falling back into a caregiving role with both of them, which didn't leave me much latitude to go out then, either.

So all told it's been 8 years since I've had anything like a normal life and now that my family is dead and I have full autonomy I feel like I'm trapped indoors. I go outside and it doesn't feel "correct." I don't recognize contemporary technology: my aunt and uncle recently got one of those cool induction stoves that are controlled by touchpad and I felt like a fucking ape trying to interact with it when they invited me over recently.

I just feel entirely out of place and time and I don't know if I'll ever recover, or how I even begin to work on something like this. I can go for long walks where I don't have to talk to anyone or think about anything fine, but the moment the possibility of anything that involves interacting with other humans is introduced I just lose all my nerve. I don't want to live like this

I must have done something truly horrifying in a previous life to be dealt this shit of a hand.

24 years old, 5'5", and ugly as fuck. And not ugly in a way where I simply 'disappear' and go unnoticed, no, I stick out like a sore thumb. My fake is horrific (look at Squash from Plants vs Zombies to get an idea of the shape), and looks like it has been vertically compressed so I have lines and stuff everywhere. It's quite bizarre, I look too young and too old at the same time. No coherency whatsoever.

I know I look like a creep, and realised that at around 17-18 years old. My very presence likely causes women to be uncomfortable, never mind making a move. I truly believe that if I approached a woman, my face would be plastered over social media within 48 hours (a gremlin trying to shoot a shot makes good comedy).

I have a good job, money, etc. but that has zero benefit to my life. I'd consider myself infinitely more successful if I were broke but didnt have this stupid face.

Kids are out of the question. I refuse to condemn anyone with the curse of my genes. Not that its a position I'd ever be in anyway.

I'm giving it to 30 years old. After that, I'm gonna make plans to end my life.

I am overweight, and have been overweight for almost my entire life. About a year ago I have started losing weight, and its going pretty well for me, I still have a little way to go though.

My friends have all gained a lot of weight in the past year and a bit. I guess because I have been all over that, I am now the authority figure and they are all cominig to me for advice.

But I dont know how to help them, I have never experienced their problems before. I dont even know where to start.

One has prediabetes and high blood pressure. I have never had a medical issue thankfully, although I do attribute that to youth mostly. Or they are struggling to find clothes that fit. They are currently larger then I have ever been, I used to just go to the plus size section some stores on the high street would have. I have never not had that as an option for me, but for them its not enough.

They even try to relate to me about struggling to walk around. Or when their shoe lace unties itself.

I dont know, I havent experienced any of that. But they are all coming to me as a fellow fat girl and its stressing me out. I want to be nice, but there is no way I can be nice about it. Your fat, get on with it or lose weight.

We've known each other for years (as friends and nothing more) and he told me the other day that he didn't think he would ever have a chance with me and that he's been attracted to me for years even though he only sees me as a friend and i couldn't believe i ever gave into it but he wanted to explore, i agreed and now I keep thinking about how good his penis felt in my mouth and how good his kisses felt.

But we decided to stop because we were both getting too attached to each other (bordering unhealthy attachment) and we don't see each other romantically. Plus our friendship is good as it is and we don't want anything beyond that anymore now that we've been there and tried it out.

i’m really exhausted and just need to put this out there, because it makes me feel conflicted

my bf (23) and i (21f) have been together 2 years. he was a virgin when we met and very christian. he waited for me and im the first person he’s slept / been with. before him, i was with a situationship where it was just sex really. anyways my bf gets really bad retro and in the beginning of our relationship he would interrogate me with question’s and use that as fuel to make him believe he’s not good enough. he said i gave him his retroactive jealousy because i hyped it up when we first got together ( it was my first relationship from a long line of toxic trauma thinking of having sex = good, plus i hyped it up to discard how truly bad it was) but it made him interrogate me and use it as reasons for why he isn’t enough. he still says now he’s not the “ only one” and that i cheated.

he would say it’s weird for me to still have underwear from that time, and ask me repeatedly what positions we did/ what i did with a used condom after we finished.

he says he waited his whole life for me and was loyal before we even got together

i’ve apologised to him in tears for sleeping with someone before we got together I’ve apologised.

it’s gotten to the point tho where i feel as tho i had to lie about my past now, to protect myself from the outbursts of his insecurity and the interrogations, and for him ti believe he’s really the only one for me

i agreed with him because i feel so guilty for having a past. i wanted him to feel better. i don’t believe i cheated but i really love him, and i just want him to feel safe

just wanted to vent

We met on a dating website, and I told her about meeting someone in the past online that had me clean for her and let me do it nude. So this lady and I are meeting today at 12:30 for lunch, and then going to her place and I told her I will get nude when we get inside. She also wants a massage and a foot massage.

Edit: I went to lunch and met her. Went to her place. She is a hoarder….I still gave a massage and we had sex. When we talked about cleaning, she mentioned she didn’t want anything important thrown out. I don’t think I can play therapist on this one and deal with it. She definitely needs help with the place, but don’t think she is ready.

I am kinda embarrassed for myself that I did this. It’s an old fetish/kink that I wish I had skipped.

I texted her a hot emoji after I left. She is horrible with her phone too. In a few days, I will likely say I am not sure I can help, etc and then do the slow fade as far as anything else.

Don’t know who to tell because they’ll judge me for even being around him still. But I don’t know how to feel. I’ve been making a pact to myself that I wouldn’t have sex for a while and if I do, it surely would be with a new person.

I haven’t had sex in almost 6 months and my ex and I have been hanging out every weekend for the past two to three weeks. We’re just cool like that even though we do have issues.

I’ve been coming over to his house when hang out and before today we’ve only kissed once.

One thing led to another and we started making out. I was getting soooooo wet and wanted that taken care of asap but I still wanted to stick to my little pact I made.

Tension started rising, hands started wandering and he brought me into the bed room and ate me out. I came. But I had to think about lesbian sex to get me there. (I dunno. Don’t ask me why).

Felt nice but I was still so horny that I wanted to do IT. But of course that didn’t end up happening and we went to sleep.

My thing is I again, don’t know how to feel. Of course I can’t ask you guys and expect you to tell me how to feel but I feel so guilty and odd. A part of me feels like it’s the end of the world and why did I let him do that and why did I want it so bad and another part of me understands that I feel like because I haven’t had any sexual attention or because I have been touched deprived for months is why I went that route and I shouldn’t feel as bad.

He has been with other women since we’ve stopped talking and I feel jealous at times because I haven’t been with anyone else. And the thing is I didn’t even want sex when we were together. Now that we’re exes, he turns me on?? What the hell is that about? I have no idea.

My fiance(29f) and I(29m) have been together for 4 years. We have a good sex life and she’s my soulmate. I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else.

My confession is that for the entirety of our relationship I’ve been faking orgasms. We have a decent amount of sex but nothing crazy.

It started when we had sex for the first time, we’d been going for about an hour and she was getting sore, so I thought I’d just slow down and stop, YKnow let the sex come to a natural end. When I did she asked if I came, saying she felt it. I said yes and then never stopped.

We make jokes about how much cum she has to push out after we have sex, but I know there’s maybe precum or her own fluids but no cum.

Bow you may wonder why she hasn’t noticed. She doesn’t give me oral so she’s never actually seen or tasted my cum, and when I “finish” I just tense my dick so it feels like it’s throbbing from an orgasm and pumping cum.

She even says I have “a face” I make, which I fake every time.

I’m in too deep (literally) and can never tell her.

Also I have no idea why I don’t cum, I don’t have the “iron grip” problem from too much porn or anything. Just a weird thing.

EDIT: I should say that this has only happened with my currently partner. Before this I would cum during sex