u/ThrowRA-Main-8561

I’m getting married in October and my brother is currently on his Honeymoon. I’m not doing well financially and I wasn’t able to go to his wedding since it was abroad in one of the most expensive places you could possibly have a wedding. He just texted me to let me know he’s not going to come to my wedding. When I planned it my partner and I decided we weren’t going to be mad if anyone couldn’t attend. But the reality that he couldn’t just spend one day supporting me hurts. I went to all of his pre wedding events, his local church wedding, and even offered to host his bachelor party. We didn’t do any of the pre wedding stuff, all we asked was for one day for the actual wedding. I know he is upset that we didn’t go to his destination wedding and he even said I stole his wedding year and that he wouldn’t be able to come unless I moved it to another year. But I am in my 30s and my future wife and I want to buy a house and start a family so delaying another year seemed silly. Trying to be understanding and chill but it just hurts.

My brother (27M) recently married his wife this weekend. We haven’t been speaking after I declined his wedding invite due to cost. They got married abroad and I am struggling financially, living paycheck to paycheck with lots of student debt. My fiancee and I are getting married later this year but it’s very much a budget wedding and she’s paying for it all. If there was ANY way I could have been there I would have but there wasn’t, and now the family (especially my parents) are upset at me for causing the conflict. I am wondering if there is anything I can do to try to repair the relationship and where to go from here? Looking for advice from people who have gone through similar.

I got engaged around the same time as a close family member and we both expressed interest in the same month/year. It was over 2 years away at that point so we didn’t make any immediate decisions and on top of that this other family member doesn’t belong in sharing or compromise so we wanted to be sure we didn’t accidentally book the same day as we would be the ones losing our deposits.

Once they gave out their save the dates it was the same year but a different month so we proceeded to plan for our original timeline. Unfortunately this caused a big fuss with the other couple saying they were not going to be able to attend both in one year and we were putting a huge burden on mutual family members. They asked us to move ours to one year after. We considered it for a while but ultimately decided it’s just one day and pushing another year would delay other milestones (house, family planning, etc.). I was wondering if we should have delayed for the sake of family? AITAH for not doing so?

I want to start by saying my brother and I were extremely close before all this started. When he got engaged he ended up sending out save the dates about 2 years in advance. He knows I’m not doing well financially, I have a ton of student debt and I live paycheck to paycheck. When I learned his wedding was going to be abroad in Spain I knew for sure I wouldn’t be able to afford it. I gave it a shot tho and priced everything out: luggage, passports, tuxedo, villa, flights, and it came to about $5k. I had $100 in my account at the moment (and not much more now). I talked to him about this in private and let him know I loved him a ton and I’d love to go but it just wouldn’t be possible.

He freaked out and said I was supposed to be the best man, How could I do this, brothers are supposed to be there for each other and he thought he could count on me. Of course I got a ton of it from my parents too. I said I’d be able to go but I’d need help with flights and hotels and my brother accused me of trying to scam an “all expenses paid vacation” on his dollar. Now he won’t speak to me. I know that It’s really important to be at your siblings weddings, more so than anyone else, but I literally physically could not scrape up the cash to go. AITA for not going? I can’t believe this is what destroyed the relationship and I’m wondering if maybe I should have taken out some personal loans or something to attend.

I received a bridal shower invite for my future SIL about a week before the shower happens. The RSVP deadline had well passed but they are letting me come anyways. I don’t have time to order anything from amazon/ walmart on their registry and we were considering just donating to a cash fund. Unfortunately, this week we hit some debris on the road and with the tow and 2 tires are facing a difficult $800 bill. Would it be offensive to just give them some random home items I already have (unused/tag on of course.) Context my future MIL who is co hosting said she did hold back my invite for a while since there has been tension to decide if I “deserved” it. My fiancé and future MIL really want me to go tho.

ETA: I don’t want advice on whether or not to go, I’m going it’s on Saturday and too late to back out. I want to know if my gift is ok or if I’ll be laughed at

I feel awful and I could use some input. I (30M) only have 1 brother (27M). I am getting married this year to my fiancee of 7 years and he is also getting married this year. We have been super close since childhood but drifted apart a bit the last few years as he has taken on 3+ jobs. He is having a destination wedding in Italy and unfortunately I cannot afford to go. When looking up the trip it looked like air would be at least $5k between flights, hotels, passports, tuxedo etc.

I have $80k in students loan debt and my fiancee has already put her whole savings toward my debt. We have never taken a vacation, don’t do xmas/birthday/anniversary gifts and essentially just put all money toward bills. I have maybe $300 in a savings account. Her family is generously paying for our wedding and honeymoon but said they won’t contribute if we take out debt for an Italy trip. My fiancee and her family think I am being reasonable but my brother freaked out and now won’t talk to me.

My mom is saying I’m being an ass and family means everything so it doesn’t matter that i’ll need to take out debt. We tried asking for financial assistance but that didn’t go over well as he accused me of trying to scam an “all expenses paid vacation” from him. I truly feel bad as he has called me crying saying he thought he could depend on me and my support. AITAH for missing my only brother’s wedding despite being unable to afford it?

Every year my mom hosts a family Christmas eve party. It is one of the most important events of the year to her and she’s let me know if I don’t show up it will impact the relationship. The problem is the sleeping situation is too difficult for my wife.

For the last 5 years my wife and I have slept in the basement when we come visit. My wife has some medical issues that make it so she has to use the restroom frequently, as well as being allergic to animals (litter boxes and beds are in the basement). The only way to the bathroom from the basement is through my parent’s room and that wakes them up so they’ve asked her to try to stop going as frequently. This sometimes caused her to get no sleep when we visited.

Last year my brother moved out so my parents converted his bedroom to a guest bedroom. My wife asked if for future Christmases if we could stay here so she can get some real rest. It’s a lot of travel to see both families on Christmas. The problem is, my mom thinks it’s unfair for one couple to claim the guest room for any specific holiday. As well as my brother says it is not his problem that we chose to live so far away and we have the same option to drive home as he does. He is about 10 mins from the house we are 2 hours. Unfortunately my wife does not feel it is safe for us to try to drive 2 hours home at midnight on Christmas eve and then try to wake up early for Christmas with her family.

She was willing to suck it up for years when it was the only option but now that there is a guest room she feels she shouldn’t have to sacrifice her health. I can see both my mom’s and my wife’s side here.

AITAH for telling my mom we will only come to the party if we get the guest bedroom?

Edit: I get it, we will get a hotel this year.