r/aitaweddings

Hello so my mom passed away when I was 3 weeks old, I’m now 20, and I don’t have a great relationship with my father but he has my moms wedding dress. A few weeks ago I asked him for it because I don’t really have anything of my moms. We met for breakfast and he told me I need that I needed to grow up apologize to his wife first for calling the cops on her when I was 18 after she put her hands on me after trying to take the phone I bought for myself. I texted her after we had breakfast and told her that I didn’t I understand why I had to apologize to her first and that she should be the one apologizing to me.

So my FDIL is turning into a bridezilla, already to this point she has dictated everything down to the letter... and now this! She has dictated the exact dress that I am to purchase. Well, she has given me the option of picking which style/cut but only gave me two options to chose from, neither option will accommodate my figure without serious alterations. The dresses are nearly $200, plus alterations and undergarments, I'm looking at $350 easy... and while I honestly don't have the funds for it, the bigger issue is that she has decided to dress my exhusbands wife in a very similar style dress. So very similar. Her dress will be brown and mine will be red, but they will have the same type of fabric, floor length, with different style shoulders.

So, AITA for not wanting to agree to this?? Not wanting to be dressed the same as his stepmother, not wanting to fork over the equivalent of a car payment just to attend?? I was looking forward to dress shopping with my mom, but I don't get to do that because I was told what to wear. Not only that, but was told if I don't wear this specific dress, I wouldn't be allowed to walk down the isle! I'm almost to the point I don't even want to go.

What do you all say??

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITA\_Relationships/s/sI1C9lZlAr

Update: I renewed my lease.

A lot of people asked me to update after my last post, so here it is.

I renewed my apartment lease today.

Honestly, hitting submit on the renewal was a lot harder emotionally than I expected. I think because deep down it made everything feel final. Not moving in together pretty much confirmed the end of the relationship.

We haven’t spoken since last Saturday and based on how that night ended, it was clear things were already falling apart. The ending wasn’t calm or pretty and I do regret that. I wish after almost 5 years together we could’ve had a softer, more amicable ending instead of another emotional collapse. But at the same time, I think we already had our “final conversations” too many times over the years.

At some point, another conversation just becomes reopening wounds instead of creating closure.

A lot of people focused on the parent living situation, but the truth is it became bigger than that. The situation exposed deeper incompatibilities between us — communication, boundaries, family dynamics, emotional safety, and how we handled conflict. I loved him deeply, but I also realized I was constantly anxious about my future and where I stood in his life.

Renewing my lease wasn’t me choosing my apartment over him. It was me choosing stability instead of making a huge life decision while the relationship was in shambles.

I still love him. I still miss him. And a part of me probably always will. But I also know love alone isn’t enough to carry a relationship that keeps breaking apart and rebuilding the same way.

Right now I’m just trying to adjust to a quieter life and focus on myself again.

This may get a little long and convoluted so apologies in advance! I tried my best to put years by events, since it’s a bit of a jumbled timeline to explain the relationship with my sisters.

I (25f) and my Fiancé (26m) got engaged a few months ago and are in the midst of wedding planning. My Fiancé and I met in late 2021 through a mutual friend, stayed just friends for a bit, started dating in late 2023, moved in together mid 2025, and he popped the question in early 2026. Our relationship has honestly been amazing, after only a few weeks of dating it was obvious to both of us and all of our friends that it would be forever. After only a few dates our mutual best friend who introduced us asked if she could officiate our wedding and we replied “No sorry it’ll have to be a priest because we would marry in the church” and she was dumbfounded because yes, we were already that in sync (But don’t worry she’ll be my MOH and we’re planning a surprise at the wedding to thank her for being our matchmaker)

Anyways, on to the story.

I was talking to my parents (Mid 60s) on the phone the other day,. We were chatting on how wedding planning is going and life in general. My parents decided to broach the topic of my bridesmaids, and asked me if I was going to have my sisters in my bridal party. For a little context, I have my eldest sister, Kelly (33f) and lives about an hour away from me in the Midwest with her husband and kids. Then there’s my middle but still older sister, Lacey (28f) who moved to the Pacific Northwest in 2021.

I told my parents that Kelly would 100% be a bridesmaid, that decision was a no brainer. Kelly and I are close, and she asked me to live with her during the pandemic when her husband got relocated for work. Kelly also has two young daughters, my amazing and adorable nieces, who will be our flower girls. I’ll admit I look up a lot to Kelly, we weren’t close as children due to our age gap, but she helped me through my first heartbreak at 17 and has been there for me since.

However, Lacey was a different story. I had to break it to them that I was considering not having Lacey as a bridesmaid. Lacey and I are closer in age and growing up we had a typical but tense sister relationship. Without going into too much detail, Lacey was the sibling with the knife, and I was the one being chased. If altercations were physical my parents almost always took my side since I rarely started it. However, Lacey’s seemingly favorite thing to do was constantly berate me, insult me, and gossip about me to her friends when I was a freshman and she was a senior. In those instances I was told by my parents “you know how your Lacey is, just be the bigger person”. And that’s how it was. At holidays our Aunts, Uncles, cousins, etc. would make comments to me about Lacey being a bit difficult, which honestly helped a lot. It made me feel better knowing even family that only saw her a handful of times a year could tell what kind of person she was. Now, I know I may be making Lacey sound like a devil child, but she was still well loved and celebrated by all family, immediate and extended. Our parents loved us all, and they did their best to be equitable among their children. Though Lacey often instigated fights with our mom, causing our mom to unleash some occasional menopausal wrath upon us while we were teens.

Before I get into this next part I want to add some context from Kelly’s wedding, which happened about ten years ago. It was the day I really realized just how narcissistic Lacey can be. Leading up to the wedding she complained constantly, gave her opinions when she wasn’t asked nor warranted to give them. She hated the bridesmaid dresses Kelly picked out for us and paid for, and made it very obvious to everyone. Lacey has always been a huge tom boy (important for later) so just about anything girly she had to do she complained about (hair, makeup, shoes). Lacey had also gained 30 lbs in the six months leading up to the wedding, and so her dress barely fit (Her own choices to “get big and strong” with questionable supplements and bad exercise caused her to develop a hormonal imbalance, took multiple doctors telling her to stop before she did), and she made it everyone else’s problem.

Luckily I was able to keep Kelly from hearing too much of it the day of. I did feel for Lacey as she had to face our entire family and all of our family friends not feeling or looking her best, and looking a bit squished in her bridesmaid dress, but it wasn’t her day and she should’ve kept her complaints to herself. I get being unhappy, but Lacey didn’t even pay for the dress so it’s not like she had to spend money on a dress she hated.

During a visit back home in 2023, Lacey asked to stayed with me instead of our parents. I was so happy I planned some things for us to do and invited some of my friends along as well per her request. The distance between us from her moving had honestly been helping our relationship and the last few times we had seen each-other went pretty well, so I was excited to have stay with me.

We ended up going out one night to drag bingo and then hit clubs. She insulted me, multiple times, right infront of my friends. And not just insults, but insults where she puts me down and lifts herself up. One in particular that stuck with me was her saying how I didn’t look nearly as good as her even though she only took five minutes to get ready and an hour for me to (respectfully, she didn’t, but I guess that’s subjective). Guess she didn’t understand the girlhood of the slow getting-ready while drinking and blasting music things my friends and I were doing, so she kinda insulted them too. Lacey also took multiple digs at my now Fiancé, who she STILL has never even met. There were a few other similar incidents that weekend, and I was so over it. After she left I called my parents and told them she was never staying with me again, and she would have to stay with them, Kelly, or get a hotel. Kelly doesn’t seem to apt to have Lacey to stay with her either, though that may trace back to some issues between Kelly’s Husband and Lacey. Let’s just say my brother-in-law is NOT afraid to call out Lacey’s BS.

Now, for the final bit of context: Lacey is a Masc Lesbian. She came out to our parents in 2020, with the support of Kelly and I (even went viral on tiktok for it) Our parents have always been more conservative, Fox News was on often at our house when I was younger (Luckily they’ve moved to getting their news from independent reporters). However, we all knew our parents well enough to know that they’d love us regardless. You wouldn’t catch our parents at Pride, but they’re accepting of the lifestyle. So overall that all went well. There’s no big, sad, devastating coming out story for her. She came out, my parents had some questions but were accepting, and life went on. She moved to the PNW shortly after and basically completely rebuilt her life and personality around what’s popular within the LGBTQIA+ community. Honestly other than her narcissistic tendencies, her ability to tear me down, and our shared love of Star Wars, I don’t recognize her much. I do try to visit every other year, and she visits the midwest the other years, and we occasionally plan visits to our parents (now retired to florida) at the same time.

So, back to being on the phone with my parents. All the context I just said above is stuff I have discussed with a therapist. I have a good handle on how my sister’s actions and words have affected me throughout my life. Because of that, I was already on the fence of having Lacey as a bridesmaid since I have a really hard time picturing her NOT doing something that will upset me the day of. My parents understood my hesitation without me having to explain, but still wanted me to consider my sister.

So I told my parents “Look, (Fiancé) and I want a fairly traditional wedding. I will ask her how she feels about wearing a dress to the ceremony, given that she can change after into a suit for the reception if she wants. Her response is going to heavily dictate which way I leaned in my decision.” My parents felt this was fair - it was basically a test to see how Lacey responded. If she was willing to compromise a bit, then I’d consider it.

Guess what? She immediately said no and started complaining saying she isn’t going to look good in a dress with her big shoulders and short hair (half of my bridesmaids have big shoulders, and so do I so that’s a stupid excuse). Then she started cracking jokes about it. I am thinking now of having my Fiancé’s sister as a bridesmaid instead. I am decently close with her and she has been a huge supporter of our relationship since the my Fiancé set his eyes on me.

I say Lacey is probably expecting to be in the bridal party simply because she is my sister, and because Kelly had both of us in hers. It’s possible I may have made a comment or two about her being a bridesmaid for me at a younger age, but at this point that was way before my Fiancé and I started dating.

To me it’s two-fold:

1. She refuses to compromise, she’s been like that her entire life, and I’ve been the one who got the brunt of that before she moved away. I know she prefers to dress masculine, however I’ve always wanted a fairly traditional wedding with my bridesmaids in dresses and at least SOME makeup like mascara and lip gloss. In my opinion, most bridesmaids don’t like their dresses, it’s part of life.

Lacey

1. hasn’t even met my Fiancé nor has she expressed any interest in doing so, yet continues to put down him and our relationship. She holds on to a few comments I made about my Fiancé to her before we started dating (He came on a bit too strong originally right after I went through a breakup) and now tries to throw them back at me to insult my Fiancé. Lac

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1. even tried to tell ME that “You are not really in love with (Fiancé), you just want to be in a relationship”. That comment didn’t hurt, because I know how in love I am with my Fiancé, but I am glad she made it. She hadn’t even asked me about my Fiancé once in any of our phone calls, she knew nothing about our relationship, yet she still tried to tear it down.

But in the end, she is still my sister. I do love her and want her to be successful and happy in life. I keep up with how she’s doing in her career, as she has to pass many exams to move up positions in her field. I know Lacey has some issues in her personal life, and that dating has always been hard for her. She’s had nothing but bad relationships these last few years. She’s the type of person who makes impulsive decisions, and it seems like every year she wants to move somewhere new and start over (NY, England, LA) though these ideas are always half baked and end up falling flat once you start asking her the logistics of everything (job, visa, moving, pets, etc). I am honestly concerned for her mental health a lot, she’s very much so the type of person that sees “signs of Autism you didn’t know” on TikTok and self-diagnosed herself. She does get therapy, and for some reason when she started she texted our mother “I hope you know you’re the reason I need therapy”. I do have concerns of her having NPD, Bipolar Disorder, depression, etc. because to her it really is “my happiness above all else even if im hurting people i claim to love”. Lacey’s first GF broke up with her because she was battling depression and was thinking of moving home. Lacey instead claimed “she’s just pushing me away because she’s scared.” and ended up mildly stalking her after the breakup, even contacting family members to try to get to her ex. Luckily some mutual friends sat her down and told her to stop, but I don’t believe those friends hang out with my sister at all anymore.

I guess my reason for that context and my indecision is the concern for her. I worry that cutting her out of my bridal party may damage our relationship significantly and for a while. I also worry about how it’ll affect her mental health - especially having to see all of our family at my wedding as just a guest when her sister is the bride. Most family and family friends haven’t seen Lacey since she moved in 2021. Lacey also obviously loves attention, so I worry what she would do if she isn’t getting the extra attention she would’ve in the bridal party.

I have discussed this with some friends and my other sister Kelly to get their input and I gotten mostly “That’s a hard situation I don’t know if there’s a right answer.” But to be fair, these are all friends that WILL be in my wedding party so I’m conscious of the fact that they could be just holding in their true opinions as to not interfere or stress me out.

So here I am asking reddit - WIBTA if I didn’t have her as my bridesmaid even though she may be expecting to get asked?

My Fiancé wants to have the same number of groomsmen as bridesmaids, and he’s got his 7 locked down. I’ve got 6 of my 7, with the last spot potentially being for Lacey or my future SIL.

My husband (28M) and I (30F) are celebrating our first wedding anniversary later this year. His old friend (29F)from college recently got engaged (which was a surprise and very unexpected since he didn’t even know she was dating someone) and sent a text in their friend GM saying she’s getting married in the fall this year. Being the type A planner I am, I asked him to get the details on where and when since the fall is less than 7 months away and she hasn’t sent save the dates. He found out that it was going to be in MI in October but not a specific date. I have had our wedding anniversary weekend blocked out on our shared calendar for a trip that I’ve been in the process of planning out but have not made any solidified plans other than going to a tropical location. Wanting to book flights and hotels before the prices went up I urged him to get the specific location in MI and the date, come to find out the wedding is the same day as our anniversary.
As a person who loves going to weddings I was a little sad because I knew it was either (A) go to the wedding and celebrate our first wedding anniversary in a location where we’ve never considered going or (B) don’t go and proceed planning our anniversary trip. Wanting to try and make both work, I went ahead and scouted to see what is close to the wedding location so we could maybe make the most of it but there is not anything to do that we are really into. Being further in the north there isn’t any quick flights to any places we are interested in celebrating our anniversary. I know my husband will feel guilty for not going to her wedding since she traveled to come to ours. I don’t care that she’s getting married on the same day as our wedding anniversary but I don’t feel like we have to go to her wedding since we planned doing some sort of tropical getaway for our first anniversary and unfortunately we have other plans mapped out to where costs will prevent us from doing both things separate weekends. AITA for not wanting to go to her wedding and instead have our first anniversary trip where we wanted to go?

This is long

Hello everyone! I’m wondering if anyone here is going through sibling drama or has any advice.

Basically, what I’m asking is: am I a terrible sister?

I got engaged on July 18th, 2025. The day after I got engaged, I told my three half-sisters (24, 20, and 17, almost 18) that my wedding would be on December 18th, 2026, and that they would all be part of my bridal party. My sisters are some of the most important people in my life. They live in Colorado, and I moved to Florida about 4 years ago to be closer to our grandparents. Since leaving, I’ve felt like they’ve been upset with me, but I was so happy when they agreed to be my bridesmaids.

A few months after I got engaged, in November, I sent bridesmaid proposal packages to my sisters and my three other bridesmaids. My sisters never even told me they got them, and I later found out from my mom that one of them didn’t even open hers until 2 months later. I also found out they made fun of the keychains I made and the personal letters I wrote for them.

Since then, they’ve repeatedly expressed — very harshly — that I would need to help cover my youngest sister’s travel expenses. Because I love my sisters, I agreed to help, but I explained that I wouldn’t be able to fully cover everything because of life and wedding expenses. I also reminded them that I gave them a year and a half notice, so there was time to save money from work. They also told me they would only come for the exact number of days I needed them because they didn’t want to “waste PTO.”

There was also a lot of choice words thrown at me because my step father didn’t want to come to the wedding to watch my BIO dad walk me down the isle which my sisters decided to make me feel bad about to the point were I told them that our grandpa was actually going to do it because none of my “fathers” deserved that more than my grandpa who has actually been there for me.

(My step father was a drunk who physically and mentally abused me my whole life and my BIO dad is actually pretty cool but wasn’t really in my life due to my parents keeping me from him..plus he really didn’t make a huge effort to find me)

In the end i decided that I was gonna walk myself down
(i since change back to my grandpa but they don’t know that)

Every time I posted wedding ideas or bachelorette ideas in the bridal party group chat, my sisters would message me complaining about how much money it would cost them and telling me my ideas seemed lame. I later found out they had been making fun of my wedding behind my back.

One of my sisters even called me and accused me of using them as “placeholders” because I supposedly didn’t have enough bridesmaids and didn’t actually want them in the wedding. That hurt deeply because it wasn’t true at all. When I first started planning, I actually had 12 bridesmaids, but I narrowed it down to 6 — and my sisters were always my first choice.

At this point I was crying every day about the way my sisters were treating me. My other bridesmaids were honestly getting tired of seeing me cry over how my sisters were treating me.

Right now, two of my sisters live in a house I bought in Colorado for my parents when we were close to becoming homeless. It was my last resort to make sure everyone had somewhere safe to live.

A few months ago, my fiancé and I were trying to buy his childhood home from his mother because we thought me already owning a house would prevent us from getting another one. I had agreed that if we got the house, my sisters, their boyfriends, and their dad (my stepdad, who I have a strained relationship with) could all stay there during the wedding to help with costs.

That would’ve been 6 people staying in the house. They also expected me to drive everyone around, even though I have a Mini Cooper that comfortably fits maybe 2 people. I told them that 6 working adults should be able to split the cost of a rental car for 3 days.

I also explained that during the week of my wedding, I wouldn’t really be available because I’d be dealing with wedding prep, getting ready, and last-minute things.

At this point, I had already bought my youngest sister’s bridesmaid dress, and she looked absolutely beautiful in it.

Last week, my fiancé and I found out his childhood home has major structural problems. The house would need to be lifted and repaired because it may actually be sinking, and it hasn’t been updated since the 1970s. The repairs would cost more than buying another home, so we made the difficult decision not to move forward with it.

The good news is we found out that me already owning a house is not actually a problem, and my fiancé and I do qualify to buy our own home. We’ve started house hunting, which is exciting!

But before I shared that exciting news with my sisters, I had to explain that we could no longer offer them housing at my fiancé’s family home because of the structural issues and everything else going on.

Honestly, I was devastated myself. My fiancé and I don’t even live together yet, and this house felt like our closest opportunity to finally start our life together since I currently travel a lot to see him.

Instead of comforting me, my sisters immediately became angry. They told me I had “promised” them the house and said I was costing them too much money.

One of them literally said:“Cut costs to your wedding and help us out, or find new bridesmaids.”

I completely broke down. I’ve spent most of my life putting my sisters’ needs before my own, and this was honestly the first time I ever really stood up to them. All three of them were attacking me at once, and I got overwhelmed and said, “Then don’t come to the wedding,” before hanging up.

I immediately felt awful afterward.

The next day, after calming down, I sent them a message because they wouldn’t answer my calls. I explained that I didn’t want them to feel financially burdened anymore, and I thought it might be better if they just came to the wedding as my sisters instead of bridesmaids so we could still share the day together without all the pressure.

A few days later, I spoke to one of my sisters on the phone, and she told me that if I can afford a wedding, then I should be able to afford getting them there too. They viewed me removing them from the bridal party as me “kicking them out” because they’re poor. They also said, “What’s the point of even coming if we aren’t bridesmaids anymore?” and told me, “We all feel truly unloved by you.”

I told her I had given them a year and a half notice, but she wouldn’t listen.

I’ve been sick to my stomach ever since because I truly love my sisters so much, and it hurts that they can’t see that.

Did I make a bad decision removing them from the bridal party?

Is anyone else going through something similar?

Am I a terrible big sister?

Hey guys — I feel weird making a post about this because the answer seems really obvious, but here goes nothing. Using a burner account because many of those involved are on Reddit.

My fiancé (32M) and I (31F) have had a wonderful, healthy relationship that has blossomed and resulted in him being a full-fledged member of my family, most of whom live nearby to us. We spend holidays and birthdays together regularly, and recently we decided to spend Mother’s Day all together.

I have two sisters. One of which (27F) has a great relationship with fiancé, and she got us all into a groupchat to pull together a Mother’s Day celebration for my mom. I’ll call her Sister 1 due to birth order. Sister 1 said she would handle decorations, I would handle gifts and cards, and fiancé would do all the barbecuing, so we all agreed and got to work.

We asked Sister 2 (24F) to contribute by grabbing some flowers and drinks at the store. The problem is that Sister 2 doesn’t leave her basement room and spends the day & night sleeping. She’s been struggling with serious mental health problems that have resulted in her being depressed for years now, locked in a filthy dark basement room, and barely holding onto her job. When she’s not working, she’s sleeping. We have all tried everything to help get her back on her feet, but she has generally not been receptive to our efforts to help her and gets angry instead. It has been a great source of pain for all of us and we’ve all gotten into arguments about how to best approach the situation as her mental health has gotten worse and worse.

We also strongly suspect she’s addicted to prescription drugs of some kind. We’re unsure exactly of what drugs she’s using (other than weed) but strongly suspect she’s been taking pills due to some instances in the past involving her physically abusive ex, who also abused pills and who she is now talking to again, unfortunately.

Additional context: she did not attend fiancé and I’s engagement party due to it being on Valentine’s Day, and she was struggling around missing the aforementioned ex. She completely missed the meeting of the families, which was an important milestone for us. She apologized afterwards, but that has hung heavy over me, and it’s basically how to things have been with her over the past two years.

Anyway.

Eventually after being badgered by Sister 1, Sister 2 emerged from the basement to go buy flowers and drinks. Fiancé and I tagged along with her to get some stuff at the grocery store for the party.

In the car, she began to complain about how Sister 1 was “such a bitch” for being upset with her for not helping out. I used an admittedly badly timed moment to tell her how frustrating it is to be left without her help for family events, how Sister 1 is justified in being annoyed, how hard it’s been to not hear from her for weeks to months, and how it seems she’s been resistant to taking steps to improving her mental health or accepting any help.

In response, she went off about how she’s too busy “saving the world” at her job (she’s a social worker) and crashes every day at home with no energy to do anything else, and that we would never understand what it was like to be her. I reminded her that we all have jobs and busy schedules, and she snapped back that we weren’t “saving the world” like she was, and that we would never understand her struggle. (Btw… My fiancé works in special ed and Sister 1 is a school counselor.) I got angry and told her she had Main Character Syndrome and that she needed to get over her self-victimization.

Things escalated after I told her she acts like she’s the only one with problems in the family.

Her response to that was, “I never said that!”

And fiancé — now having a hard time staying silent in the back of the car as she was yelling at me — said quietly, “Actually, you did just say that.”

This is when all hell breaks loose. We were at a red light, and she turns around to fiancé, and basically screams at the top of her lungs — like, Bad Girls Club-style cussing and berating at the TOP of her lungs at him — asking who the fuck he thought he was, etc etc. You get the gist. It was humiliating. We felt unsafe in the car and got out at the red light. We ended up going to another grocery store and returning home.

Context: Fiancé has a history of being abused (verbally and physically, including being called the f-slur) by his father and brother who did hard drugs and kind of used him as a punching bag growing up. So he does not do well with violence and aggression. He’s a very gentle soul.

Anyway, Sister 2 didn’t show up to the Mother’s Day party for a while after that. She was parked somewhere random and my mom was worried sick trying to get her to come home. When she did come home eventually, my mother urged her to apologize to fiancé for her behavior. So she walks up to fiancé very begrudgingly, and mutters that “I’m sorry but do not get involved with arguments between me and my sister.” In short, it was not an apology at all, and fiancé, myself, and Sister 1 are like “that wasn’t an apology?”

This enrages Sister 2 further. She absolutely loses it and cusses out fiancé at the top of her lungs all over again, except this time she doubles down by calling him cringey, asking if he was gay, bragging that she had more testosterone than him, and ultimately, saying she “never liked (fiancé) since the beginning”, that “she doesn’t like him,” and that she was “not going to come to the wedding.” For his part, fiancé lost his temper and lashed out verbally at her as well —cursing and insulting included. I could tell she was shocked because IMO I think people are generally too scared to stand up to her, so this might have been a first.

She stormed away. Then, after a bit, she ran back upstairs from her basement room with a vengeance. She lunged at him as if she were planning on physically fighting him. It got to the point where my mom had to hold her back and I could see the fear in Sister 1’s face as she watched the drama unfold. It was genuinely scary. In anger, I called her crazy and that I didn’t know who she was anymore, which I do regret and didn’t help the situation.

It was an absolute shitshow.

Given his trauma of being lunged at and verbally abused by his own family members growing up, fiancé was shaky and pretty mentally fucked up for days after the incident. He has firmly decided that he does NOT want Sister 2 at the wedding because he simply does not feel safe around her anymore.

When this was verbalized to my mother and Sister 1, they were both incredibly offended and upset that Sister 2 would be barred from the wedding. They think it’s a decision I’m going to regret for the rest of my life. Sister 1 even said that “sisterhood loyalty” comes first, and that if Sister 2 was barred from going to the wedding, then she would refuse to attend herself. This broke my heart, as she’s really close to fiancé and myself and I really wanted her to be there.

Now I’m at a point where I just need external guidance on what to do and how to approach this. I feel that growing up in my volatile family has resulted in me normalizing Sister 2’s behavior in my head and while I support fiancé above all, I’m just terrified that this will shatter our family. I don’t know how to react or what to do.

My mother says everyone “made mistakes” that day that we all have to apologize for, instead of pinning all the blame on Sister 2. She believes that fiancé should have accepted Sister 2’s initial “apology” and moved on, and that not allowing Sister 2 to attend my wedding could result in Sister 2 “being pushed the edge” — heavily implying her hurting herself. She is saying it’s a choice I would regret for the rest of my life, and that Sister 2 didn’t independently explode and would not do so at the wedding.

——

**TL;DR:** After a series of family arguments on Mother's Day, my (31F) depressed, volatile sister (24F) deeply insulted and physically lunged at my fiancé (32M) before being restrained. My fiancé and I exchanged insults with her during the escalation. Because my fiancé has childhood abuse trauma and feels unsafe, we banned my sister from our wedding.

My mother and other sister (27F) argue that everyone made mistakes that day, and that there’s no reason why we should keep my offending sister from attending the wedding. My other sister is now threatening to boycott the wedding out of sisterly loyalty to my uninvited sister, and my mom warns the ban could — her words — “push (volatile sister) over the edge.”

AITAH for keeping her uninvited and standing with my fiancé?

i (female) was adopted when i was a month old. i was taken away for pretty much anything you could think of. born prematurely and with a hole bunch of drugs in my system. both of my parents ( bio father ) we will call adam and ( bio mother) we will call sarah.
adam and sarah were very far in age at my birth adam being 22 sarah being 16. i found out only 18 years later that my mother LIED to my father ab her age. convincing him that she was 21. he didn’t figure out her age until her FATHER SHOWED UP MONTHS LATER. she was already pregnant with me so they tried to make it work and have split custody of me when i was born. ( that obviously didn’t work out) they didn’t have any relationship after my father found out her age and he moved on to his now ex wife who won’t be mentioned in this story again. (she doesn’t have much to do with this) adam, finally got contact with me after 16 years, he was completely sober living with his wife and 3 kids in a house. he didn’t drink. and he completely changed his life around. sarah on the other hand… was missing… i spent months trying to find her and eventually found her on my birthday. i spent weeks learning who she was and her situation. she was married? or not legally married to her husband who we will call greg. she was still using and never attempted to get sober and had been using infront of her children (my two sisters who i had no clue existed) then randomly one day she vanished again. i asked around now having contact with my siblings and found out that this was a normal thing (wtf?) it completely enraged me and sent me into a spiral of emotions, at first i was mad that my younger sister is telling me that sarah, our mother was kinda known for just vanishing and coming back randomly. then months went by. no words. and i struggled thinking what she could be going through. so i went looking for her, and i couldn’t find her anywhere i walked for 6 hours in the rain and the cold trying to find her, checking homeless shelters and even printing out missing posters with rewards ( that i couldn’t afford at all due to my living situation) she ended up appearing at our grandmothers house randomly just like my sister said she would. she said she was done and wasn’t using anymore ( let me remind you that this women didn’t raise me and im not easily manipulated) when she went to the store i took a peak into her room where she was staying. i found drugs. instead of getting mad which i regret every day. i sobbed in her arms for hours asking why she continued hurting us like this. i grew up knowing about my adoption and i constantly blamed myself for being taken away ( as a kid would do being confused ab the situation) i decided to give her another chance on my 19th birthday, she ended up doing drugs infront of me and my boyfriend and my younger sister who is 7. my boyfriend ( now fiancée) recorded everything on his phone and sent it to me too keep. the photos completely horrific, a happy birthday banner with me sitting in the corner and a women completely slumped over while i stare at her crying. it was my first birthday i spent with my biological family. and i regret it deeply. eventually my sadness for her turned into anger. i ended up texting her and telling her i was moving ( i was and have been planning this for years, i told her ab it on my birthday and letting her know that i would be extremely far if i did move) i ended up moving to the other side of the united states. from one bay to the other i was there and gone. with no goodbye i just send a text to her that i was leaving and that it was what i needed. she never replied. almost a month in of living in my new place i get a call from one of my younger sisters saying sarah is claiming i “abandoned” her and her family. i cleared up the situation easily by sending ss of the text messages and explaining my birthday along with the videos of sarah slumped over on drugs. two months go by now and im engaged!!! i am completely ecstatic and i can’t wait for my big day. but… i don’t want another photo where this strange women who looks like me and all of my bridesmaids… slumped over in the corner…. she is my mother at the end of the day and i feel guilty even thinking she won’t see my big day. but i don’t wanna risk my big day being tampered by her addictions. my wedding is in october. i haven’t said anything to her yet. then boom. greg ( her husband) passes away from cancer. extremely sad, he was the best thing that happened to her and he adored her more than anything. he was the father of my siblings so it hit hard. i decided to wait even longer and not say anything. then i get a notification that sarah posted something on facebook. so obviously as any kid would do, i clicked on it, the post ended up being longer than this one already is, and what it seemed to be was a suicide confession saying that she couldn’t take it anymore and wanted to end it all. i sent her a text to check on her, i couldn’t even imagine losing my fiancé so i understand that what she’s going through is completely baffling. she continues to use and in the messages confirmed my suspicions and said “ life is so dark. i wish i could fall asleep and never wake up” to me this was shocking. i never expected my mom to say anything like that especially to one of her children. but bad on me. once again this was confirmed to be another habit that she does and she has always been severely depressed when she loses her significant others ( apparently greg isn’t the first one that passed away) i don’t know how to tell my mom she isn’t allowed without pushing her to the edge… aita for not wanting her there during this tough time? also how should i tell her i don’t want her there… any advice helps

I am 23F with and sister who is 29F and she is getting married soon. I will call her Bee and her fiancée Troy.

In my family bee has always been known to be super hyper sensitive to events or things that aren’t the center of attention of her. She has never had stable relationships, will be emotional explosive and abusive towards our mom and dad and me. Bee and troy got engaged a month ago. Bee has had multiple conversations with our dad about if there were to be a wedding when would be the best time. My other brother, we will call josh, is getting married is August. My father told my sister to wait to get married until next year so we all can save up and recover from the expenses of my brothers wedding. Bee took this as telling her that she can’t have a wedding and that all the attention should only be on Josh, so she planned for the wedding to be in November on purpose. November was a particularly weird time to plan is as it’s almost only 6 months away from engagement, the date is in the middle of a work week, and 4 days after my grandma’s big 80th. My mom took 3-6 months off of work for stress management and depression, my dad is going through a huge lawsuit that’s led him to be unemployed and stressed, i lost one of my clients and have been grieving with that, and she still expects us all to have the mental capacity to be engaged right now. One day she was ranting as usual about how everyone sucks and I gave her dry answers so she would stop. She exploded and told me i was unreliable and a piece of shit. I took accountability for my part and i asked her to take accountability for putting this pressure on me and making me feel like everything is my fault. She called me a narcissist and told me that if i am too stressed out to not even bother going to the wedding. I told her i have been repressing a lot of feelings and this wedding is bringing them up and i needed space. she told me im way too sensitive and that her telling me im selfish and narcissistic is the truth and that i can’t handle it. i explained to her that calling me that hurts a lot and she said “I could breathe and you'd say I hurt your feelings.” i told her i wanted a mature and respectful conversation about our feelings but it wouldn’t get there if she was going to counter everything I say and not take accountability. She went off and said some of the meanest shit she’s ever said and i started to break down. i was crying for hours and contemplating even having a relationship with her. I know i don’t want to be in a volatile relationship with my sister where i have to keep repressing my feelings so i don’t get blown up on, but she is my only blood sister. i’m at the point where i feel i have never gotten much out of our sisterhood and i need to separate myself. There’s lots more rooted so lmk any questions. My question is, would it make things worse if i just didn’t go to the wedding or just go, fake it and get torn apart and then distance myself after?

I (35F) just had my first child — a complete surprise baby. My wedding is planned for July, but my best friend since kindergarten, who is also supposed to be one of my bridesmaids, just told me she doesn’t want to come if I invite my other close friend/bridesmaid.

They had a falling out a few months ago and haven’t spoken since.

But it’s my wedding, and I want them both there. As bridesmaids, they would probably have to communicate at least a little for organizing the bachelorette party, but on the actual wedding day there will be around 50 guests, the seating plan is already done, and they won’t even be sitting next to each other.

My friend is also going through a difficult time with her boyfriend right now, and I wonder if maybe she’s a bit jealous that my friend and I ended up having a baby and getting married around the same time. To avoid hurting her feelings, I admittedly pulled away a little myself — plus I had a newborn, some health issues, and we don’t live close to each other.

On her side, she came to see the baby once shortly after the birth, but since then I haven’t heard much from her.

Anyway, that’s the context. And now she suddenly tells me, completely out of nowhere: “I’m not coming to your wedding if you invite her. It’s too hard for me.”

It’s my wedding. AITA for wanting both of my oldest friends there and refusing to make concessions? For one evening, shouldn’t she be able to make an effort?

Getting married summer 2026. The wedding is Local for my friends however everyone else has to travel as they don’t live in the city. Just had my bachelorette in the Caribbean. I knew everyone was travelling so I covered the cost of the air Bnb. Also got them multiple cute personalized gifts (useful for future use). I’m also paying for all the bridesmaids hair/makeup and food day of wedding. They purchased decorations and tshirts for the group and me.

To add - I polled all my friends to ask where they wanted to go and provide local options that wouldn’t require too much travel. They all chose destination.

The reason I’m disappointed is because I ended up covering the cost of all the meals (just putting it on my card and we’re going to split) but not one girl offered to cover any of the meals/drinks. Legit not even a shot. Everyone is in 30’s, makes good money and no kids. I thought since I was covering the air Bnb (approx $3000 total for the weekend) they’d offer to cover 1-2 meals for me or something. I know flights were expensive (everyone paid about 1000-1200 to be there) but some used points. Meals were expensive but again split amongst 4 people I don’t think is terrible. I wasn’t expecting all meals to be covered but i thought they might offer to cover one of them? Or even the groceries for the weekend? Or the one bottle of wine we drank as a group at home?

To me bachelorette is supposed to be covered by the girls normally. That’s what I’ve always done for my friends. Now I know with vacations and doing destinations the expectation is everyone covers themselves but genuinely I’m really disappointed and surprised they didn’t even offer to cover even just one meal or even one DRINK especially since I covered the air Bnb. AITA for having this expectation?

AITAH for wanting to have my wedding on a Friday? I know the most ideal day for everyone is Saturday, but my fiancé and I are planning to get married summer 2028 and have started looking at venues. I fell in love with one that ends up being $15k cheaper on a Friday compared to a Saturday. The venue fee is much cheaper plus they require you to do a 'wedding' food package on Saturdays while on Fridays you can build your own food package and it makes it more affordable.

When we casually mentioned this idea to FMIL she was totally against it and said people aren't going to show up on a Friday and would probably rather do a Sunday on a holiday weekend (I don't think anyone would prefer this IMO). When I talked with my parents, they had no issues and didn't think anyone in our family would either.

For context: most of my family would be travelling about 1.5 hrs and his would be about 4hrs.

I know the best day would be Saturday, but is it worth it to save $15k for my dream venue?

EDIT: both sets of parents are giving us the same amount of money to cover whatever expense and we are covering the rest. Also, we don't feel comfortable with us or anyone dishing out that much money to make it happen on Saturday, so we would have to find another venue.

AITAH for not inviting my fiance's mom gown shopping. "Older" bride here. I 45 y/o, my fiance 55 y/o M are planning a Florida elopement beach wedding. We live in Ohio. I suffered an accident years ago & have limited use of my arm. It looks fine, but doesn't bend well. My fiance's mom is 88 years old, With medical problems, difficulty walking, AND is 100% German & speaks " little" English. She wants to go gown shopping with me. She is nice but I don't understand her. I don't want her going because of my vehicle. I drive a large SUV & my own medical issues, I'm unable to help her in and out of the car due to my disabled arm. I "really" do not want her to go out shopping with me because her mobility issues, my inability to help her in and out of the car. She barely speaks English, she points and asks "This?", and says "Yes" To everything, especially when she doesn't understand... My fiance indirectly asked me to take his mom to try on dresses with me, but I think this idea is bad. AITAH ?

Before I start, I want to emphasize I have never written to Reddit for advice. If you have any questions, or feel there’s holes in the story, pls don’t hesitate to ask bc I have a character limit! If I can figure out how to post screenshots of the messages, I will.

So, I (23 F), and my gf (23 F) have been discussing our future and what our dream proposal/wedding would look like. I have always dreamed of a beach proposal with all my friends and family there to celebrate with us. As soon as my girlfriend heard this, she started planning my beach proposal. For background information, I have a huge family and 2 close friends. We (my family) take a vacation together every couple of years, but that’s about the only time we’re all together. This year, my best friend and girlfriend were invited so I start getting suspicions and excited that she might be planning to do it on our family beach trip. Significant others and friends have never been invited before, but I really tried not to get my hopes up.
Now let’s rewind so I can give you the background information of the title. I was offered my dream job while I was working a waitressing job, the downside: the owner of the business and my brother dated 7 years ago, and I didn’t want to accept the job without speaking with him first. My brother assures me that it isn’t an issue, he did not care at all, and he was also excited for me to finally get to pave my career.

Fast forward 2 years, my boss and I have grown so close and to be such good friends. She considers me a partner in the business that was originally only hers and I consider her to be one of my best friends. I’ve never made friends easily, and she is the easiest friend I’ve ever made. Keep in mind, I told my girlfriend I wanted everyone I cared about at my proposal to celebrate with us. I’m extremely nosy as well so, naturally, I ask them both why they stopped talking. They both just said it didn’t work out and they weren’t compatible (my boss was also only 20 at the time of dating my brother, furthering my assumption of them not being serious).

My best friend hasn't been helping my gf like she needed, so she reached out to my sister in law, and my other best friend (my boss) for help. As soon as my SIL heard my friend was helping, she got insecure and started comparing the two of them to which my gf reassured her that my brother and SIL have a family together and there’s no reason even for the comparison. My gf thought the issue was resolved there, it was not. My boss and I take vacations at the same time as we’re the only 2 people who work at the business and it’s just eaiser for us to take vacation at the same time. So she has a beach trip planned with her daughter the same week as my family beach trip. My family’s beach is private, so my girlfriend and boss planned to go to a different beach so my boss could hide and take photos while also being on common ground for everyone.

This immediately sets my SIL off… hopefully pt 2 in comments

In the middle of planning our wedding, my brother got a new gf that he just made it official with. We had our guest list pretty much set to where we only want people who have been active in our lives and met us to be in attendance due to limited space and big families on both sides. He sends a text pretty much saying add her to the guest list and I replied we aren’t having plus ones right now.
He kinda flips on me and we argue and I’m stating that we want our wedding to be with people we’ve met and been involved in our lives. I’m sure we will meet your gf eventually and like her. The argument kept going to the point where he blurts out he never liked my fiancée.
I was livid at the approach he took and didn’t talk to him for two months or so. Finally decided to have a talk with him to clear the air on stuff.
Ended with I want him to talk to my fiancée to clear the air as well on his gripes.
He said he isn’t in the right head space to talk about it right now. Fast forward 9 months later. He still hasn’t reached out but now my family is reaching out pushing me to change my mind. And I’m thinking about not changing my mind because I haven’t seen any effort on his end.
Aitah for that?

Me male 23, her 28 are having a wedding later this year and we where going over our guest list and who we want as our bridesmaid and groomsmen and I want my friends who’s been there for me since middle and childhood and she wants some of her friends but when it comes to who’s walking who down she wants her friends husband to be one of my groomsmen so her friend won’t have to walk with one of my friends and I completely disagreed with her because I want my groomsmen to be people I not only know but, people I’ve grown up with and trust dearly which seemed to upset her about it. So she tried to compromise with me to make adjustments but I’m standing ten toes down on it as it won’t be fair for me if I have to have someone as one of my groomsmen if I don’t remotely know nor trust them fully but, I’m not saying I have anything against the guy or don’t like him it’s just my preference. So AITAH?

My fiancé and I have been together for over 10 years and have a 4 year old daughter together. We’ve been putting off our wedding for 2+ years due to the high costs. We finally agreed to just elope and combine it with a much needed vacation, since we haven’t been away together in over 3 years. Not even one night staycation somewhere. I am eager to finally get married and grow our family.

Recently, my fiancé decided to go on a bachelor trip for his cousins wedding. The total cost of this trip will easily exceed over $1,200. Because of this, our elopement & vacation are being put on a back burner yet again because we can’t afford it.

I've been visibly annoyed by it. From my perspective, if we don't have the funds to secure our own marriage and take a small couple's trip, we shouldn't be prioritizing a $1,200+ party weekend for someone else's wedding. He thinks I'm being unfair, but I feel like our milestone is being treated as a secondary priority.

Am I the asshole here?

Hi everyone! I feel pretty strongly about this situation, but I wanted outside opinions before I potentially make a fool of myself.

I’m 27F and currently planning my wedding for October 2027. My fiancé (30M) and I have been together for nearly eight years, so we’re both very close with each other’s families. This wedding has been a long-anticipated event for everyone, and I really want people to feel included and loved.

I’m very close with both of my brothers (22M and 15M), and I plan to have them in the wedding party. My middle brother will be my man of honor, and my baby brother will be a groomsman for my fiancé. Besides my man of honor, I’m only having two bridesmaids: my two closest friends from middle school.

Meanwhile, my fiancé has six close male friends, plus his godbrother and my younger brother, on his side. At first I felt awkward that my side would be much smaller than his (3 vs. 8), but I’ve made peace with it because everyone on my side is someone I’m extremely close to and genuinely want beside me all day.

Here’s the issue: my fiancé is not close with his brother at all. Their relationship has always been strained, partly because his brother bullied him pretty violently growing up. However, due to complicated family circumstances, my fiancé ended up being his brother’s best man a few years ago. I was also a bridesmaid in that wedding because I’m fairly close with my fiancé’s SIL.

Since we got engaged, my future SIL has started heavily hinting that she expects to be a bridesmaid and that her husband will obviously be a groomsman. While I care about her, I wouldn’t consider her one of my closest friends, and my fiancé genuinely does not want his brother in the wedding party. His brother still triggers a significant trauma response for him, and I want to respect that.

We know an uncomfortable conversation is probably coming when we tell them they won’t be included. I’m wondering if we’re being unfair since we were in their wedding party.

We’ve talked about maybe giving his brother another role, like ushering, but it feels wrong to pressure my fiancé into including someone he isn’t close to, especially given their history. Of course, his brother will still be invited to the wedding, and I’m hoping that will be enough.

I’m also nervous they may retaliate by refusing to let our niece be the flower girl. That probably sounds dramatic, but they can be petty sometimes.

I also worry this could become a bigger issue because both of my brothers are included while his brother isn’t. But the difference is that we’re genuinely very close with my brothers. My fiancé has known my younger brother since he was 7 years old and sees him almost like his own sibling.

Are we being unfair here? I really don’t want to create tension in a family that feels like my own, especially over dynamics that existed long before I came into the picture.

see title. My fiance and I are about to send wedding invitations and we are not going to be inviting this couple where we have become very distant from them given that one of them has been blatantly rude and insincere to us in group settings? We think we are doing the right thing because it is our wedding at the end of the day but just trying to figure out if we are being horrible and how we should approach telling this couple if we get asked. Thanks!

Okay so first off I do admit I can be petty at times, though when it comes to important matters, I'm avoid pettyness.

Quick backstory I have never really gotten along with my sister's partner as he can be rather childish at times and after 5 yrs of them being together, none of my sisters family have actually been introduced to his family, nor do I have the ability to contact him in case of any emergency regarding my sister. He doesn't really show up for many familial get togethers and when he does sits on his phone the whole time and makes things feel very awkward with his closed-off answers.

My partner and myself want to get married though thinking over in its has got me completely stumped. Neither of us really like this person for the way he has treated us, well not treated us seeing as he never is really present for anything, though I do want my
sister as maid of Honour. Idk what to do, even the thought of just inviting him as a guest still feels a little blegh as he will likely end up sitting with the betrothed family at the reception and and fo reasons I won't get into, I don't really want to spend the entire time drinking just to put up with him. Any help will be appreciated, even if it is just people saying for me to pull up my bootstraps and stick it out.