r/aitaweddings

Last year, I (24F) found out that a close family friend was having her wedding on my birthday. I know it’s not a huge deal, but in my family, turning 25 is considered a big milestone. I’ve known this family friend since I was five, and our families grew up together. Although the bride and I aren’t as close as we used to be, we still have good conversations from time to time.

To be clear, I don’t mind that she chose my birthday for her wedding. It’s her wedding, and she can choose whatever date she wants. However, I was a little shocked when the save-the-dates were sent out. Regardless, I accepted it and decided I would just do something small for myself that day.

When the official invitations were sent, everyone had to RSVP. My family and I had several conversations about what I wanted to do, and I decided I would skip the ceremony in the afternoon, celebrate my birthday, and then attend the reception that evening.

Soon after, my mum received a call from the bride’s mother asking if we had made a mistake with our RSVP. She also received a call from another close family friend (let's call her Y) asking why we weren’t attending the ceremony as we were the only family that declined. Y suggested we either celebrate my birthday early in the morning so we could attend the 1 PM ceremony, or celebrate the next day instead. She also said the bride and her family were really upset because they considered us to be very close family friends. My mum told her that she would support whatever I wanted because it was my birthday, and Y asked if she could speak to me directly to convince me, but my mum said no lol.

After discussing everything with my family, my mum and dad think it would be best for us to attend the wedding. My sister (30F) said they may have taken our RSVP the wrong way and that, if I choose not to attend the ceremony, I shouldn’t expect them to attend our future family functions. She said that, at the end of the day, this is their oldest and only daughter’s wedding.

I’m not sure what to do. I was completely fine with celebrating my birthday in the afternoon and then attending the reception, but considering how close our families are, I’m worried that only attending the reception could be seen as rude or disrespectful.

I’m also a massive people pleaser, so I know that’s probably contributing to how I feel lol. I don’t want to be selfish or create unnecessary drama between our families, but at the same time, turning 25 is genuinely important to me and I want to be able to celebrate my birthday too. But I feel like if I go ahead with my birthday plans, I’ll end up regretting it and feeling guilty about it for a long time. What do I do??

I’d really appreciate some outside perspective because I’m trying to figure out whether I’m genuinely being unreasonable or whether my feelings are justified. And I'm clearly loosing my mind over this situation. I’m going to try to present the situation as objectively as possible.

My best friend (f32) and I (f32) have known each other since we were 3 years old. I’m her bridesmaid and one of her legal witnesses (the one that signed the register, we're two) and her wedding is in two days.

I’ve been with my boyfriend (m29) for almost five months and we’ve been living together for about a month. It's going perfectly well since the beginning, no clash or whatever, we're floating over the clouds and even discussing marriage for ourselves. The bride has known him since 2017. They were classmates and used to know each other fairly well, although they became less close after she moved to the big city. The last time they saw each other was in 2021 when he stayed at her place while he was visiting the city. So he's no stranger, quite a long distance friend.

From the beginning, she decided not to invite him to the wedding because she considered our relationship too recent. I have asked her several times about it but I’m not very good at insisting on things. Eventually, after I raised the issue again because other people had been added to the guest list at the last minute (like she invited MY OWN friends she barely knows to her wedding last minute), she agreed to invite him to the civil ceremony two weeks prior.

The religious wedding itself has around 110 guests.

Very recently, some guests cancelled because of break-ups. As a result, several places became available. Instead of using those places for additional guests, she asked the caterer to reduce the number of meals. And she told me that today.

This is where I’m struggling.

I barely understand that she originally made the decision not to invite my partner because our relationship was relatively new (never have I heard of that among relatives). But I understand that it is her wedding and ultimately her decision who she invites.

But now there are apparently places available and my boyfriend is someone she has known for years. We also live together now. I’m having a hard time understanding why he still isn’t being considered.

There is also a practical issue with accommodation. The wedding accommodation is limited — there are only around nine rooms — and I was given a child's room with a small single bed. She told me there wasn't much space and that I would have to make do. I completely understand the accommodation constraints and my bf and I are perfectly willing to arrange our own accommodation elsewhere, including the dormitory or nearby accommodation. So I don't see accommodation as a real obstacle.

Another thing that makes me uncomfortable is that some couples are being accommodated together. There is even a couple who are invited despite everyone knowing that they have been separated for several months and had actually been broken up for over a year. I’m not saying this to criticize those guests or suggest they shouldn’t be invited ; just to explain why the distinction feels difficult for me to understand.

I also know relatively few people at the wedding apart from her and the people directly involved in the wedding. Having him there would make me feel much more comfortable and would allow me to actually enjoy the event rather than feeling quite alone among a large group of people I barely know.

If there were genuinely no space, budget or logistical possibility, I would accept that. What hurts me is that there seems to be a possibility now but the decision hasn't been reconsidered.

I also feel conflicted because I’m her witness and childhood friend. I’ve been involved in the preparations and am expected to be there and help, to pay for gift, for the bachelorette party, for the dresses, for the brides maid suprises the day of the ceremony and I genuinely want to support her. But I’m finding it difficult emotionally to be fully involved in celebrating her relationship while feeling that my own partner is being deliberately excluded despite there now being room for him.

I don't want to punish her, threaten her or make her wedding about me. I also don't want to tell her that she is a bad friend. I simply feel hurt and somewhat rejected by the decision.

At this point, the wedding is only two days away. Ideally, I would just like my bf to be invited. We would handle the accommodation ourselves if necessary. I'm also considering not going if she still insist of not inviting him because I kinda feel disrespected and I don't see a vision of me celebrating their love when she can't celebrate mine.

Am i the asshole here ?

My sister got engaged last year and had a big proposal with a flash mob. I got engaged three months ago. My fiancé proposed in the park where we had our first date. No photographer, no crowd, just us. It was perfect for us.

Last week I was helping my sister plan her bachelorette. She was complaining about the budget and said out of nowhere, "At least your wedding planning won't be as stressful since your engagement was already less special. I mean, anyone can propose in a park." Our mom was there and laughed.

I told her that was hurtful and she said I was being overly sensitive. I told her I don't feel like being her bridesmaid anymore if she can't respect my relationship.

My fiancé supports me but my sister called me dramatic. My mom says we need to "move on" and that I'm overreacting. AITA?

For context, this happened nearly 20 years ago when I was in my late 20’s and in graduate school. It came up in a recent convo and got me thinking about it again.

I had a loose friend group while in grad school. We were all late 20 something’s and one person was getting married. This guy was not a close friend and I knew both him and his finance, but not super well. At one point they had asked me to watch their cat while they were traveling and I think they picked me because I had a cat and lived the closest to them.

Outside of that I had been to their place a handful of times always with others in the group. One day the fiancé asked me casually while I happened to be over with the group if I wanted to come to their wedding in a couple weeks.

I never received an actual invitation and I was extended this verbal invitation very late in the game. I was free that weekend and so I said sure.

The finance sent me her registry link and everything that was left was super expensive ($150+) except one item that was only $25 + tax and shipping. So I bought the $25 item and a card.

The wedding was nice, modest, casual, very them. It was buffet style. The bride sent me a thank you note for the gift.

AITA for not spending more?

Hello, a while back I was invited to a very small wedding in the US and asked to be a best man, I obliged and was told nothing further on this. Some time went by but the wedding date was still afar, however I was hurried into booking my flights and accomodation by said couple. I won’t lie I was expecting all of this or part anyways of to be covered for me as the couple in question are in quite good jobs and it is a tiny wedding party less than 10 people. I didn’t mind paying for this however as I know it is a big day and one of my friends weddings.

Moving forward from this we were then asked to pay for a pre wedding party the day before the wedding, this was booked in advance and expected all of us to pay without much notice again we were given an ultimatum that if you don’t pay you will not be included in the activity, again almost out of guilt we obliged and paid again.

When it came to the suits myself and the other best man were told to get matching suits with a small subsidy offered that would barely cover the cost of a decent shirt. Again this request was spaced out from the previous time we paid for the pre wedding party so it didn’t seem so bad . Again we forked out our own cash to cover the remainder of the cost of the suits.

Some time later again almost calculated I would say, we were told we would have to pay another fee to attend the wedding after party at a nightclub, another hidden cost with an ultimatum if you don’t pay you won’t attend, we were then told by the groom that we should pay as we were the best men and should be there for him. But we pushed back on this and said it was costing us too much and we won’t be attending this part of the wedding, this was not received well and we got a quite aggressive response.

Another thing we know now is that our meal and tips for waiting staff at the wedding will also be covered by us when we get there and I won’t be surprised if there are other fees put on us either at this rate.

Do you think this is acceptable behaviour in modern day as weddings go? We have already spent a huge amount on the wedding but because the fees were so well spaced out it doesn’t make it seem so bad… to be clear i am approaching 2k spent already and I haven’t even got there yet. Considering how small the wedding party is I thought some of this would be paid for us at least for the groomsmen/bridesmaids but it seems we are paying for everything.

The few people I have said this to have all said this is crazy behaviour to ask your guests to pay for everything and I agree.

Am I wrong to think this or what are your thoughts?

​

My daughter "Chloe" (24F) is getting married this fall. Her mother and I divorced ten years ago after I discovered she was sleeping with "Mark" during our marriage. That affair destroyed our family, and she married him shortly after the divorce.

Mark has spent the last decade acting arrogant and using his money to hide how he entered our lives. For the wedding, I paid for half, and my ex and Mark paid for the other half. During planning, he casually told the family, "It's fine, I'll upgrade the bar package, I know budgets are tough for some people."

Last week, Chloe asked both Mark and me to walk her down the aisle. When we talked privately, she admitted her mother and Mark pressured her into it. Her mother insists we both walk Chloe to keep the peace and present a unified family.

I told Chloe I will not share the walk with the man who ruined my marriage.

Mark claims I am selfish, and my ex-wife calls me bitter for holding onto the past. Chloe is stressed because they are pressuring her.

I am not pulling funding or boycotting the wedding, but I refuse to walk with him . AITA?

AITA Hi I am a single mom of two. I have raised both of my girls without any help from anyone. My oldest is 21 years old, she has been in a relationship with her boyfriend for almost 5 years. In those almost 5 years they have spend about 85% of it at my house. I am a less strict mom and they are free to do what they want since they are adults . The boyfriend had a house key which I was never ok with, he showered here everyday, he would here everyday meals my daughter would make but most of the time with food I bought. Well on August 16 he informed me he wants to propose to my daughter and they have a trip planned for August 26-30. He knows I have to at least have two weeks notice to ask for time off since my work has our work hours two week in advance. We taken trip and we discuss my job policy.well it turns out his family is going to be there and unfortunately my younger daughter and I can't make it. I asked him if he can reconsider having his family there but he is giving excuses. So I am been unreasonable for wanting him to just propose to my daughter without any family there. Again they alway at my house because his mom is a Christian and is strict about even kissing. I even want to ask my daughter to please start hanging out at his parents house so he can see how good he has had it at my house. Plus that way my daughter will see that when she is around the other parent issues will raise. Right now I've been the only parent they have had issue with but that because they are always here. If they are not working they are at my house. He needs to see that without me maybe they would even have a relationship in the first place. I would let them use my car when they didn't have one. I took the blame for something and got arrested because the police pulled him over. I feel I have done a lot and I feel I deserve to be there or at least not have the families included if bith families can't be there. What you yall think

Edited with all the information I put in the comments.

My fiancé (30 M) and I (25F) are getting married in November 2026, but what should have been an exciting few months leading up to our wedding has turned into a major family rift involving his twin brother, his sister-in-law, and their daughter.

I'm wondering whether I'm in the wrong, so I'm going to explain the timeline as clearly as possible.

Some background

My fiancé and I started dating in May 2024. I have a son (6 years old currently) from a previous relationship who is currently suspected of having autism and ADHD, although we are still going through that process.

I first properly met my fiancé's twin brother, his wife, and their daughter in August 2024, when we were all at my future mother-in-law's house for dinner.

Unfortunately, there was already an issue between the kids during that first meeting.

Their daughter became angry because my son was playing with a toy, even though she hadn't been playing with it then.

I understood that kids have disagreements, especially because their daughter is autistic and my son is also suspected of being neurodivergent, so I didn't want to make a big deal out of one interaction.

However, it became the start of an ongoing pattern.

My fiancé and I got engaged in December 2024, just over seven months after we started dating. When you know, you know.

Around Christmas that year, we started asking family members to be part of our wedding party.

My sister agreed to be my maid of honour, and my best friend became my bridesmaid. My fiancé asked his twin brother to be his best man, even though my fiancé hadn't been a best man or groomsman at his twin's wedding.

He asked him because he was his twin brother, and he trusted him and wanted him beside him on one of the biggest days of his life.

We also asked both of my fiancé's nieces to be flower girls.

My fiancé's sister said yes for her daughter.

My fiancé's SIL said no for her daughter.

Their daughter had been diagnosed with autism before I joined the family, and my SIL explained that she didn't think her daughter would cope well with being a flower girl because of the number of unfamiliar people and the public nature of the wedding.

We completely understood.

There was no argument. We didn't pressure them or question their decision. We respected the answer and continued planning.

So, our confirmed plan became my fiancé's sister's daughter as our flower girl and my son as our ring bearer. They would walk down the aisle together using bubble guns rather than throwing petals because of our venue's restrictions.

Things between the kids didn't exactly improve.

We didn't see my fiancé's twin brother and his family very often after that.

The next significant time was Christmas 2025.

At that gathering, their daughter essentially ignored my son. She played with the other niece but not with my son or any of the other cousins.

Again, I didn't start an argument. I wanted to keep the peace and understood that children, particularly neurodivergent children, can have their own social preferences and boundaries.

Then we saw them again in March 2026.

The kids were playing with slime when my son accidentally mixed some of their daughter's slime—just a small amount.

She responded by hitting my son.

I immediately stepped in and calmly explained the situation to my son. He hadn't intentionally ruined anything, and I wanted to explain why she was upset and what had happened rather than yelling at him. The slime was an easy fix; I separated the two slimes again.

My SIL, however, yelled at my son over it.

That was a major issue for me.

My son is suspected of having autism and ADHD himself, but even putting that aside, I don't believe yelling at a child over an accident, when he was already upset by the situation, is an appropriate way to handle it.

I had already stepped in as his parent and was calmly explaining what had happened and why his cousin was upset. I felt the adults could have handled the situation calmly instead of my son being yelled at.

I stood up for my son, and my SIL didn't appreciate it.

Then came the flower-girl argument.

In April 2026, my fiancé received a message from his twin brother asking:

"Can our daughter be a flower girl in the wedding?"

We were confused.

We had already asked them in December 2024, and they had declined.

By April 2026, this wasn't an early-stage wedding where we were casually discussing ideas anymore.

My Grandmother and my parents had already paid our first venue deposit, and we attended our first venue meeting, where we went through the wedding timeline, structure, and guest count, including the wedding party.

Our bridal party was confirmed. The processional had been planned. Our flower girl and ring bearer already had their roles.

So we said no.

It wasn't because we hated their daughter.

It wasn't because she is autistic.

It wasn't because we were deliberately trying to exclude her.

We had already offered her the role. Her parents declined it. We respected their decision and planned our wedding accordingly.

Apparently, that wasn't acceptable.

My fiancé's twin brother then stepped down as best man.

That genuinely hurt my fiancé.

This wasn't just some random groomsman dropping out. This was his twin brother.

My fiancé had trusted him to stand beside him on his wedding day, and suddenly he was pulling out because we wouldn't change an already established part of the wedding.

My fiancé was incredibly disappointed and hurt because he had trusted his twin brother to be there for him on one of the biggest days of his life.

He eventually asked his younger brother to become his best man instead.

At that point, his twin brother said that he, his wife, and their children would still attend the ceremony but not the reception.

We accepted that too.

Around this time, things between my SIL and me became even worse.

After we refused to change the flower-girl arrangement, she started repeatedly calling, texting and leaving me voicemails. She called me a bridezilla and a bitch because I wouldn't put her daughter into the bridal party. We eventually found out afterwards through my fiancé's sister that they never even asked the niece if she wanted to do it. Apparently, the niece didn't want to do it at all and wanted to enjoy the wedding.

Eventually, I blocked her.

I was attending university classes and getting calls from her throughout the day, and I wasn't going to continue dealing with it.

However, our problems go back further than this.

I have repeatedly tried to keep the peace with her because she is my fiancé's twin brother's wife, and I didn't want to create family drama. Despite that, I don't feel she has treated me particularly well.

There have also been several occasions where I felt like important events in my life somehow became about her.

At my engagement party, she was pregnant at the time, and I felt that attention repeatedly had to be redirected toward her and her pregnancy. The twin brother also made inappropriate comments toward me, especially after finding out he shared the same name as my father and said that I could call him "daddy."

Something similar happened around my 25th birthday, when once again I felt like an event that was supposed to celebrate a milestone in my life somehow became focused on her.

Despite all of this, I have tried to remain civil because she is part of my fiancé's family, and I never wanted my issues with her to damage his relationship with his twin brother.

There's also some strange history that I learned about later. When SIL originally met my fiancé and his twin brother back in high school just over 10 years ago (I would've been just going into year 7), she apparently had a crush on my fiancé first. He wasn't interested in her and was introduced to his twin instead. They eventually got together and married.

I don't know whether this has anything to do with how she treats me, and I'm not claiming it definitely does, but learning about it made some of our interactions feel a little more uncomfortable in hindsight.

Now they aren't coming at all.

Fast-forward to August 2026.

My fiancé and I were out at an event when he suddenly received a Facebook Messenger message from his twin brother after months of very little communication.

It said:

"Hey, just wanted to let you know that I won't be able to make it to your wedding after the recent events. I think it's best that I don't come. You will always be my brother, but I have to do right by my family, and obviously you will do the same."

So now they aren't attending at all.

Not the reception.

Not even the ceremony.

My fiancé is genuinely hurt.

This is his twin brother - someone he grew up with, shared a room with, shared his childhood with, and trusted enough to ask to be his best man.

First, his brother stepped down as best man. Then they decided to attend only the ceremony. Now, three months before the wedding, they've decided they won't attend at all.

What makes this situation even stranger is that the rest of my fiancé's family supports us.

His family knows what happened and, rather than blaming us, they've supported my fiancé and me. They also don't agree with the way his twin brother has handled everything.

That support has been reassuring, especially for my fiancé, because this situation has understandably hurt him.

From our perspective, this escalated because we declined to offer the wedding role we had already offered her almost two years earlier, and they declined.

I also want to stress that I don't blame their daughter for any of this.

She is seven years old and autistic. She isn't responsible for her parents' decisions or how the adults in the family communicate with one another.

Likewise, I don't expect her to behave exactly like a neurotypical child, especially when my own son is suspected of having Autism and ADHD. I understand that both children may experience emotions, social situations, boundaries, and conflict differently.

My problem is with how the adults have handled everything.

If they had accepted our original offer in December 2024, she would have been a flower girl.

They said no.

We respected that answer and planned accordingly.

Then, after deposits were paid, the venue meeting had happened, the wedding timeline had been discussed, and the bridal party was established, they changed their minds and expected us to change those plans.

When we didn't, my fiancé lost his original best man, and now his twin brother has decided not to attend the wedding at all.

Part of me feels guilty because I know how much this has hurt my fiancé, and I never wanted our wedding to cause a rift between him and his twin.

But another part of me feels like we didn't create the rift.

We asked their daughter to be involved. They declined. We respected their decision. They later changed their minds, and when we didn't change our already established wedding plans to accommodate that, the situation escalated.

Even with everything that has happened between SIL and me, I have tried to keep the peace because I never wanted my fiancé to lose his relationship with his twin brother over me or the wedding.

But at this point, I'm questioning whether I should have just said yes in April to avoid all of this.

So, Reddit, AITA for refusing to add my fiancé's niece as a flower girl after her parents originally declined the role, which led to my fiancé's twin brother stepping down as best man and eventually refusing to attend our wedding?

Just a little note on the side: The SIL also called up our venue to ask if our wedding was still happening because they hadn't received the invite (we hadn't sent them out at the time), and tried to tell my fiancé's parents that we must've eloped in private without either family and are not getting married at all.

I (29f) am getting married next summer. I’m planning on having a destination bachelorette trip for 3 nights.

DISCLAIMER - I know destination Bach trips are frowned upon, especially on this sub. However, my friends encouraged me to do one so we could have a girls trip. This is not a “mandatory” trip and I’m not guilting or forcing anyone to come (as I’ve seen from stories on Reddit before) I’ve taken into account everyone’s budget and the trip (per person) will cost less than what the lowest budget is. There are no issues with the trip itself or the destination.

9 of my friends/cousins are invited to the trip. Based on everyone’s schedules and my schedule, I narrowed it down to 2 possible weekends. I chose long weekends especially, since I wanted to be mindful of everyone’s PTO time. One option is a weekend about 4 months before my wedding, and the second option is a weekend about 1.5 months before my wedding.

Now here is the issue — I’m pretty set on Option 1 date since it’s far out enough from the wedding and works better for majority of the girls. My birthday is also a month before my wedding and I’m planning on having a large 30th celebration and I think having my Bach so close to my birthday and wedding will be unfair for all the girls — I don’t want to steal so many of their weekends close together. The weather at the destination location is also much better during Option 1 date than Option 2 date. Generally, Option 1 works better for majority of the girls, a couple of them are indifferent about the date.

7 of the invited girls can attend. 1 of my cousins is in med school and can’t take the time off so is opting not to come. 1 of my friends due date is 1 month before Option 1 date. If I go with this option - she will definitely not be able to come. She indicated that she would “try” to make it for Option 2 date and is pressuring me to schedule it for then.

The thing is — she’s extremely flakey. She often cancels regular plans last minute and is not for sure committing to Option 2 date. She doesn’t like leaving her current child for even local dinners we plan as a friend group, so I find it hard to believe she would be okay with leaving her 5 month old and her toddler for a weekend in a different country.

Both my option dates are pretty popular at this destination location because it’s a long weekend so I’d like to start booking Airbnb and flights soon. The other girls indicated they want to do this soon too so by the time the trip rolls around, the only expenses are dinners and outfits and stuff. I told my friend I would switch to Option 2 if she could fully commit to it. She said she isn’t 100% certain but “will try her best.” I very clearly told her option 1 works better for me and most of the girls and it’s better weather so I’d only be switching to option 2 if she could commit for sure.

This has caused tension between us because she thinks I should switch to option 2 and she’ll try her best to come. But it’ll be pretty inconvenient for most people to switch to option 2, and a lot of the activities that we’re planning to do will work better with option 1 weather than option 2. If she can for sure commit to option 2, I have no problem changing it to then. But I don’t think it’s fair to switch to option 2 for a “maybe”, especially given her history with flaking.

I need to make a decision soon as a few of my friends have deadlines of September 1 to submit their vacation time for the next 6 months (which option 1 falls in).

AITA if I go with option 1 knowing that my friend can’t come?

Getting married in Vienna this June. Small wedding, 50 guests, child-free from the start. Everyone else with kids made arrangements.

My brother and SIL refuse to leave their 5-year-old daughter for a week. SIL only trusts my mom to babysit and won‘t travel without her. I said they need to find care for the ceremony. SIL freaked out and said my niece is coming no matter what.

For context, my niece has serious behavioral issues. At my cousin’s wedding last year, she screamed through the ceremony and stood in front of the groomsmen during speeches. My brother and SIL did nothing. I know they will try to sneak her into my wedding.

I offered compromises: bring a family member to babysit, come for just 2-3 days instead of a week, or we help find a sitter in Vienna. They refused everything.

My parents say I‘m unreasonable and should make an exception. My brother says I’m punishing them for loving their daughter. AITA?

This will probably be a long one so please bear with me. English isn’t my primary language, so if there are mistakes I’m sorry.

To give the outlines: my husband and I got married in a civil ceremony in July 2026 and we will have another wedding celebration with vows and a free ceremony in spring of 2027. 

Both of those celebrations have been planned to be very small and intimate with less than 30 people each. My Husband has a rough relationship with his family so we opted to have them at the civil ceremony but leave them out of our wedding weekend next year, that’s why we had two celebrations. This post is about the second celebration.

We love to host so we tried to plan in a way that everyone feels as comfortable and at home as possible. We rented an estate for the entire weekend and it has more than enough space for everyone to sleep there, the cost is covered by us. Everyone has their own space, bedroom, their own bathroom and access to amenities like a whirlpool and a gym. Food, beverage and entertainment will be provided for the entire weekend and the only thing that guests have to do on their own is get there (the longest travel is going to be a 4 hour car ride). We also helped with organizing carpools for everyone that wanted that. Our dress code is formal for the day of the wedding celebration and we feel like we are providing an experience that fits that dress code (five course plated meal with wine pairing, live band, seafood bar, passed appetizers, open bar with a mixologist who makes custom drinks and more). We indicated seven colors on the dress code (dark green, green, purple, blush pink, orange, blue and dark blue). When we got asked if it had ti be the exact color we told everyone that we’d love for the guests to be colorful while my husband and I are in black and white so if they preferred another color we’d be totally okay with that as well. Pretty much everyone has been thrilled about everything we’ve revealed so far and some even said that it feels like a planned vacation and that it’s a highlight they’re looking forward to.

Now onto the issue: A good friend of mine has made me feel incredibly insecure about all our plans on multiple occasions and now I’m playing with the idea of uninviting her, but I’m unsure how to approach that and if its the way to go.

I’ll give some context about our relationship and then I’ll rehash what’s happened with the wedding. 

My friend and I are both still in university and that’s where we met. We’ve known each other for about five years now and have become so close that I even considered asking her to be my maid of honor. Our partners with work full-time, our lives are very similar. We’re both on the pass to get quite challenging degrees and that’s something we bonded over. We can talk about pretty much everything and I appreciate her a lot. Sometimes she can be quite hard with her judgement and very sure that was she consideres right is ultimately right.

The wedding issues started pretty much at the beginning. The first time I told her about our wedding plans and that it might be a destination wedding she reacted quite harshly and asked me how we could even consider that and if I thought about the environmental effects of the travel. Our loved ones are quite scattered so people would have to travel either way. The longest guest travel would’ve actually been longer getting married at home. After I explained that to her she understood but still seemed like she didn’t like the Idea. 

The second time we had a bigger discussion was around the menu. She has some dietary restrictions so I went over the menu with her before signing it off with our amazing chef. She’s not a vegetarian but her partner and several of our guests are so we opted to have one vegetarian menu and one with fish and meat. We don’t have any vegan guests but if we had any we would’ve had a third menu. Several guests have allergies and restrictions and all of that will be taken into account and everyone gets a menu catered to their needs. After I told her the menu she wanted to switch to the vegetarian one and we made it possible. A couple days after her partner contacted me and asked how we could serve the omnivore option for so many people with a good conscience. Our chef works with local organic products and we carefully selected the menus so that everything is high quality and the vegetarian menu is as good as the omnivore one (so not just a plate of boiled veggies, tofu and cheese). No one has to eat meat if they don’t want to. I later spoke to her about it and she said that she didn’t think I’d serve meat if so many people are present (15 PAX omnivore) and that she had to tell someone but asked her partner not to say anything, which obviously still happened. I let it go and didn’t ask further to not ruin ist for me but now every time I think about our menu I feel weird. 

Third time was the most recent one. I had just been dress shopping with my mother and she had complained that she couldn’t choose anything creme colored. I told my friend about it because my mothers comment made me quite sad since anything white should really be the brides color to which she said that our dress code is putting an incredible amount of pressure on all our guests. I was really taken aback by her statement since I know she has a dark green formal gown that she wears at weddings normally that would match the dress code perfectly. Apparently that doesn’t fit her anymore and now she wants to sew herself a new gown (she’s an incredible hobby seamstress). She said that our color palette is too restrictive for that and that she normally only wears black and now we’re forcing her and all the guests to get outfits in the right colors. She knows dress codes that indicate formality levels but the giving a color scheme is outrageous and pressuring and she doesn’t think that’s normal. She finished the whole thing off by telling me it’s probably because we „grew up in different classes“ which really isn’t true. I grew up a little all over Europe because of my Dads job so I saw more of that part of the world but bottom line we both grew up upper middle class, she just didn’t move as much. I told her that were not gonna stand there with color cards and a bodyguard to control what people wear and that I can’t force her to do anything she doesn’t want to nor do I want to do that. Now she wants to wear black or midnight blue. 

Those were the three big issues. There were a lot more small jabs here and there but that’s the most important ones. I know just reading that paints a picture that isn’t very beautiful so I want to point out that we both still really appreciate each other. Her present to me was making my wedding dress for the civil ceremony (I of course paid for the materials) in which I felt stunning and am incredibly thankful for. I made and remade her engagement ring (she didn’t like the first design she came up with when it was on her finger) and also made their wedding bands (they aren’t engaged or married yet but the rings are there when the time is right for them:)) So we both love each other in a way that we don’t mind spending hours of our time to make something special and beautiful for the other. We spend a lot of time together in general and I’d consider her one of my closets friends but every time I think about sharing details of the wedding I just feel a little sick because I don’t want her to ruin another aspect of it for me. I know that sounds horrible but I was so excited about the wedding before all of this happened and now I just think about all the details she’ll think are too much or too extravagant. It’s a small wedding, we’re foodies so the majority of the budget went into food and beverages which we really loved at our tasting and I put a lot of time into details (personalized fonts, hand embroidered guest towels etc.) and I love that. Everyone else is looking forward to it but I feel like she resents it for some reason. She isn’t in a financially unstable situation where she can’t afford a dress and there are no other costs included (no vacation time either since it’s a weekend and the Monday is a public holiday).

We tried to include every dietary restriction she has they get a free ride there and if they didn’t want all that they could’ve RSVPed no. My maid of honor suggested that she doesn’t want to come but can’t say it and now wants me to uninvited her. I feel so torn about everything. 

WIBTA if I uninvited her because of how she made me feel so far? Any advice or input is appreciated.

To everyone who made it this far, thank you for reading and all the best for whatever wedding planning or marriage stage you’re in :) Looking forward to hearing your thoughts!

EDIT: I saw that a lot of people think that a color palette for the dress code is inappropriate or obnoxious or using people as props. This was never our intention. I've talked about that to almost all of our guests because they are very involved and excited about the celebration and no one thought of it that way besides the friend in the post. It's also something that I've encountered at all the weddings I've been to before so I didn't think of it as unusual. I've now learned that this is in fact not the standard and will keep it in mind for the future. Thank you for the input.

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So I (21F) am going to a friend's wedding (23F) in 2 months and I am a guest and not in the bridal party and I have brought my dress after getting it approved by the bride and now she has changed her mind and wants me to get a completely different dress and i dont know how to approach or talk to her about this in case I am being unreasonable.

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I (26F) flew out to attend my older sister’s (29F) wedding this past weekend. Because I had to travel, I spent around $800 on flights, a hotel, and her registry gift.

When I arrived at the reception, I went to find my table. There was a place card with my name on it next to our parents and grandparents. I put my purse on my chair, said hello to everyone, and then went to the restroom and grabbed a drink from the bar.

When I came back about 15 minutes later, a woman I didn't recognize was sitting in my chair, and my purse had been moved to the floor nearby. I politely mentioned that I thought she was in my seat. She smiled and said my sister told her she could sit there because "family tables look better full" and she didn't think I’d mind moving to a table in the very back with some of the groom's random college acquaintances.

I found my sister and asked her about it. She casually said, "Oh, Sarah didn't have a good seat, so I gave her yours. You don't mind sitting in the back, right? It's not a big deal."

I told her it actually felt pretty disrespectful, especially since I paid a lot to be there and was seated with our immediate family. She got annoyed, called me high-maintenance, and told me to "stop making my wedding about you."

Instead of causing a scene or sitting at a table with strangers while my family ate together, I picked up my purse, left the reception, and went back to my hotel to order room service.

Now my mom and sister are blowing up my phone saying I "ruined the vibe," acted childish, and owed my sister a public apology for walking out. My dad says he understands why I was upset, but thinks I should have just swallowed my pride for one night.

AITAH for walking out?

I’m a 25F getting married to my fiancé, Nelson (24M), early next year. We recently booked our dream venue on a beautiful lake, but it has a strict capacity of 125 people, and we cannot go over that limit.
I have a large family, so most of our guest list is family. Nelson has a smaller family but many friends. I’ve only invited four of my friends. We also each have eight people in our bridal party.
Because of the venue limit, we decided there would be no automatic plus-ones. One of Nelson’s groomsmen, Mike, received a save-the-date with only his name. Mike is Nelson’s oldest friend, and we absolutely want him there.
Mike’s girlfriend, Susan, and I actually went to high school together, but we were never close. I’ve been with Nelson for two years, and I’ve only seen Susan twice during that time. We don’t have a relationship.
Apparently, Mike told Susan she wasn’t invited, and they’ve been fighting about it for 2–3 weeks. From what I understand, Susan has essentially given Mike an “me or the wedding” ultimatum.
Susan has apparently asked why my brother’s girlfriend, Katlyn, is invited if there are no plus-ones. Katlyn is one of my bridesmaids, and I’m very close with her. She isn’t invited simply because she’s my brother’s girlfriend; she is actively standing beside me in the wedding. My brother is also planning to propose to her before the end of the year, so she may be my future sister-in-law by the time we get married. My FMIL has also asked why she was invited due to Nelson’s 18 yr old brother’s gf not being invited, even though we have no relationship with her as well.
There are a few other exceptions to our no-plus-one rule. My best friend’s boyfriend is invited because Nelson is also very close with him and we regularly spend time together. One of my cousins in the bridal party may have her boyfriend invited, depending on their relationship. Another groomsman recently got married, so his wife is obviously invited, and I’ve spent plenty of time with her.
The common denominator is that these people either have an established relationship with one or both of us or are directly involved in our wedding.
Susan was actually on our B-list. If enough people declined and we had room, we planned to invite her.
I understand why people are telling me to just invite her to keep the peace. I absolutely want Mike at the wedding, and I don’t want him to feel like he has to choose between his oldest friendship and his girlfriend. However, I’m also worried Susan may still be upset or refuse to attend because of the tension this has already caused.
If we had unlimited money and could have a 200+ person venue, I’d happily invite everyone. But we’re two young adults trying to make a wedding work on Long Island, and we have a hard 125-person limit.
So, AITA for not inviting my fiancé’s groomsman’s girlfriend when we have a strict venue capacity and no relationship with her?

I would also like to add that Mike is not the best man. Just his oldest friend. His best man is a friend he’s known for 4 years.
The two times we did hang out with Susan and Mike together she treated me like dirt but I left that out due to the character count limit. We went to a hockey game and she didn’t talk to me at all. The second time was for mikes birthday and she had most of her friends there and some from high school so I went over to make conversation and it was like pulling teeth and super awkward. Also didn’t talk to Susan for the rest of the day. I ended up following my fiancé around like a little puppy dog because I didn’t belong. Which is more of a reason why Susan is invited because she makes me feel uncomfortable.

Along with the large bridal party everyone keeps mentioning. It is that big bc of my fiancé. I would’ve been happy with 3 bridesmaids (my 2 sisters and his 1 sister) the rest of the fill ins are his friends so I had to accommodate my cousins and two friends

Hey reddit! (Please don't flag as AI! I used chat gpt to organize my thoughts about this)

Long time listener. First time poster...and never in a million years would I have expected to have drama at my wedding, as I am one of the least confrontational people there are...

That being said, here is one of many stories I have about my wedding and related events but those stories might have to be separate posts later on although tbh I don't think it's that entertaining but ig I'll decide based on how this post goes...

Before I start I do want to say my wedding was absolutely amazing and perfect for us! We had a small ceremony of only 39 people (including us) in my dad's pole barn at the top of the hill and we decorated it with tulle and flowers and all kinds of goodies that made it look fantastic! My dad's friend donated his time and equipment to set up lights and sound so we had microphones for the ceremony, build your own tacos for food, we provided lemonade, Malibu with lemonade and martini and rossi for the toast and told the guest they were welcome to BYOB. Then we had carrot, red velvet and vanilla cupcakes for dessert. We did yard games and a bonfire instead of music and dancing because my fiance has a condition called NF2 that causes hearing, vision, and balance issues. Making dancing just not go well plus I'm not that big on dancing anyway so I was 100% up for going nontraditional in this way. We had some music playing during the bonfire, as the bonfire was far enough from the barn that he couldn't hear it and it didn't bother him but everyone else could enjoy it...ANYWAAAAAAY

I (32F) got married on the 15th of August! (Woohoo! Yay us!) and invited my friend “D” (42F), who I know through work. D is married to “N” (33F), and I gave D a +1, so she brought N.

About a month and a half before my wedding, D brought me a little leftover cake from a party she had done as a vendor for her small business. At this point we were planning on going to a store and getting premade chocolate and vanilla cupcakes but after this, since she was already invited to the wedding, and her cake was DELICIOUS I asked if she would be interested in making the cupcakes and cut cake for my wedding. We had the normal business conversation—what I wanted, how many, price, etc.—and she ended up charging me $185 for 72 cupcakes and the cut cake. My mom paid her in advance.

Everything was going great. D and I were chatting basically every day like normal, and there was no drama between us leading up to the wedding.

Then came The Big Day

And here's the thing: I didn't notice N wearing white. AT ALL.

Not during the ceremony.

Not during the reception.

Not while taking pictures.

I was so focused on my new husband and my family and friends it didn't even register to me...

That was until I was going through the photo booth pictures afterward and suddenly went, “Wait... is N wearing WHITE?!?” and she was! Down to her shoes! Head to toe!

And just for context, D was wearing this absolutely gorgeous white, black and orange checkerboard dress. It looked amazing on her.

I had also specifically told D beforehand to bring business cards and whatever advertising she wanted for her cake business because I wanted to support her. I knew at least three engaged couples attending my wedding who were potentially looking for a cake vendor, so I was genuinely trying to help her get some business. However after they saw she was in white they all told me they would not be going with her...

After I noticed I did message my friends who attended the wedding in a group chat and was told all of them were plotting to ruin the outfit by putting the red velvet cupcakes on her chair or bumping into her holding one or poring red wine on her but one of them told my mom and she told them to not make a scene because she said to them "either OP doesn't care or hasn't noticed so leave it alone" and because it's my mom they respected what she said and the night continued on...

So here's where I might be the asshole.

When I posted the photo booth photos from the wedding, I edited N's outfit from white to orange.

And honestly?

IT LOOKS SO GOOD.

I originally chose orange as a joke because I was thinking, “You wore white to my wedding, that's like a crime. Straight to jail! Do not pass go. Do not collect $200"

Oh and side note I did message my photographer asking her to change her outfit to orange if possible 😬🫣

But because D was wearing the white/black/orange checkerboard dress, N's orange outfit actually looks like it was intentionally coordinated with her. It genuinely ended up looking gorgeous in the pictures.

BUT THEN I NOTICED SOMETHING ELSE.

N later posted a picture of herself on their business's website/social media with the caption "Yesterday was so awesome. I haven’t been to a wedding in years but here we are 68 cupcakes later. We was in the kitchen making sure someone’s special day was very sweet ❤️❤️" The picture had been AI-edited to make her skin flawless, but the part that struck me was the " 68 cupcakes" part...

My mom paid for 72 cupcakes.

So now I'm sitting here thinking: 🤔

Where did the other four go?

To be clear, I'm NOT accusing anyone of stealing four cupcakes. There could be a completely innocent explanation. Maybe four were damaged, eaten, left over, given away, accidentally miscounted, etc.

I'm just pointing out that I paid for 72, and the business post specifically says 68 were brought, so now I'm curious what happened to the other four. 😂

So Reddit, I have 3 questions:

1. AITA for changing N's white outfit to orange in the wedding photos I posted and asking the photographer to change the color in the official photos?

2. Is it reasonable for me to wonder about the four missing cupcakes when we over ordered as it was?

3. How do I go about it from this point on? Do I approach D and ask why her wife showed up to my wedding in white and explain her choice lost her potential business? Do I act as if nothing has happened and see if they see the edited pictures and comment on it? As of now I follow their business page but am not actually friends with either of them on social media...

I didn't confront N, make a scene, say anything to her at the wedding, or edit her out of anything. I simply changed the color of her outfit in the photos I posted because I didn't want someone wearing white showing up in my wedding pictures.

And honestly, the orange looks way better than the white did. 😂

So Reddit... AITA, or did I accidentally improve the wedding photos? 😂

(Photos in the comments on original post)

Original Post: My partner and I are currently planning a black-tie wedding in Italy, and we've hit a major disagreement with my sister regarding our three-year-old nephew, who is our page boy.

For background, I am Black and my fiancé and his family are white.

I initially envisioned him wearing a smart, all-white shorts outfit that would be age-appropriate and comfortable for a toddler in a warm climate. When I suggested this, my sister said no because she was worried he would look like a slave. I was stunned and hurt by that comparison; he is my nephew, a beautiful, kind little boy whom I adore with all my heart, and he could never look like that.

Hoping to move past that and find a compromise, I suggested a tuxedo style, but with tailored shorts instead of long trousers to keep it practical for a three-year-old. She rejected that too, saying she didn't want him to stand out. My perspective is that as part of the wedding train, members naturally stand out, which is the whole point of having a wedding party.

Instead, she is insisting on a full, traditional black-tie outfit with long trousers. I feel strongly that a heavy, formal suit is too mature and uncomfortable for a three-year-old, and I'd prefer him to look and feel like a little boy on the day.

We are completely at an impasse, and I'm left wondering if my vision is unreasonable. AITAH?

Update: Okay guys I need to give context. We are all British so boys under the age of 8 traditionally wear shorts at weddings. I obviously don't want my sister to be uncomfortable and I understand its her child buts its also my wedding and I want a certain look. I don't know what to do at this point.

Update 2: We have decided to scrap the page boy thing. My nephew will be attending as guest which is sad but I can't do this argument anymore. Its annoying. Also as I said to a commenter: People do things for people they love

When she married a man from Ghana, I took my ass to Ghana and wore a Kente. I tried to charm my brother in laws parents (including kneeling to greet elders etc.) to make it easier for her and I wore the ugliest brown dress at the church wedding that I didn't even like and I would do it again because I love her.

Update 3: I don't think she is being racist my fiance because they have met severally and get along well but she has not met his family yet so she is overthinking what things will be like and deeping the race thing too much instead of letting go. They are very nice people and she would see that eventually. It can be scary being the only black person in the space but what if you meet the most amazing people and end up loving them forever and what if fear was the only thing that could have stopped you from making these genuine connections.

My boyfriend(21M) and I(22F) have been together going on 5 years. His sister is getting married next year and everyone in their family(siblings, in laws, fiancés/spouses of other members of the wedding party) will be included somehow. I'm literally the only person who won't be included. The sister and I are not super close, but neither are half of the people she intends to have in her party. Her brothers wife will be in the wedding and so will the brother. I'm so upset by this whole thing. I get that I'm not "family" yet officially, but I've been around longer than the bachelor who's marrying my boyfriend's sister!! I feel so left out and unincluded in all of this. Not the first time his sister has done some stuff like this to me but I don't understand what I did wrong for this to happen. I'm so upset. Haven't said anything to the sister but have cried countless times to my boyfriend about this making me feel left out. I obviously won't ask to be in the wedding party but I wish I could at least be seen. Am I overthinking or overreacting?

UPDATE:
Again, I would like to stress that this is my first time posting so I’m not sure if this is where I should update but here it is…..

So first of all thank you for the encouraging comments and kindness, it meant a lot to read that while going through this. To those who were calling me stupid and contributing this problem to me being young-respectfully, you were the furthest thing from helpful. The age I’m getting married at has no correlation with the fact that my mom has been and continues to be a problem.

Now to what happened on Friday. Before going, we both agreed that as mad as my mom made us, we didn’t have any problems with the people invited so we would keep the invite (because what’s done is done) and the goal of this conversation was more to be more open with her than she’s had in the past. We drove over to my parents house and walk in to my mom doing some housework and my dad greeted us when we walked through the door. We had some awkward small talk to begin and finally my mom stops doing stuff and comes over to where we all were. She was standing and leaning on the back of a couch while my dad was sitting in a chair and we were on a love seat. I started by looking at her and saying the ground rules are me and my fiancé will say our part and after we are done she and my dad can out in their input. I asked her how her cousin got an invite to the wedding. She said, almost matter-of-fact that she sent a picture of the invite. Then, I asked her if they were the only ones from that original list (thank you to those who suggested it because that never crossed my mind)- they were. I then began to tell her that after having that initial phone call where we agreed to compromise and she approved the compromised list, I thought everyone who was invited was okay. I told her I would have preferred that she tell me, not my MOH, that she wasn’t satisfied with the guest list so we could have had an adult discussion about changing it. I told her that it felt deceptive and sneaky that she didn’t communicate to me that she was inviting people we said weren’t coming. My mom physically cannot stay quiet because she then condescendingly shook her head and mouthed some words. I told her that it really hurt that she didn’t come to me and from my perspective purposefully kept us out of the loop. When I said it really hurt me, she gave me a condescending half smile- similar to the look we give my 4 y/o niece when she says we’re “breaking her heart” for not giving her ice cream. There was a few points of repeat where I was trying to stress the hurt and deceit that I felt but then I went quiet. She looked at us and said “are you finished?” We said yes and she then started to say how it was a “misunderstanding” she “wasn’t clear” that they weren’t invited. My dad then spoke for the first time since we started and threw in a “you did agree to that list” quickly and quietly. She then launched into saying she asked my MOH for confirmation if they were on the list and thought it was an oversight when she told my mom they weren’t (after texting me and my fiancé to check). My mom then attempted to sound emotional and went into saying that I don’t know the family dynamics and there’s been some rivalry between this guest and another guest so I can’t just invite the one. She said she was trying to do “damage control” and because she didnt want it to “become a big deal”. So to avoid any issues and that she’s kept in touch with this cousin it was important she came. Around that point was where her defense switched from saying it was a “misunderstanding” to she “didn’t think it was a big deal”. She finished her “defense” and I stressed that if she had any questions or concerns with the people we picked, she could have gotten in contact with me and we could have had an adult conversation about it. She continued then to say she didn’t realize it was such an issue (despite me saying that they wouldn’t even be able to rsvp because I was unaware they were even invited). She asked if we were done and issued a half assed “I’m sorry you feel hurt I didn’t think it was that big of a deal” and then asked if that was it and if we were all good. I asked my fiancé if he had anything to add and he hesitated a minute before saying no. I could tell he was pissed but was keeping his thoughts in because he wasn’t in the right head space to say what was in his head. I asked my dad if he wanted to add anything and he said no. So we ended it there-I gave my dad a hug, reluctantly gave my mom a half assed hug and my fiancé refused to make contact with my mom. We left and we barely even got out of the drive way before I started crying. We had a 20 min drive home and I cried the whole way. During the conversation and watching her face, I could see she couldn’t give one fuck that her daughter just told her she felt hurt by her actions. That fucking hurt. My fiancé was pissed because he didn’t take kindly to someone hurting his future wife and clearly not feeling remorse.

We got 5 min from home and my dad calls me. I answer it and try to sound like I wasn’t crying. He said that he wanted me to know his silence during the conversation wasn’t him endorsing my mom but he wanted her to lay in the bed she made for herself. And then he told me, in probably the most defeated voice I’ve heard from him, that she’s not actually sorry for what she did. I then had the urge and asked him if he thought she would ever feel sorry and he sounded even more upset. He said he honestly didn’t know. They’ve been having some trouble in their marriage (in part because of how my mom is-hence this situation) and he definitely is feeling the weight of this on top of that situation. We got off the phone with him and I proceeded to cry more. The only good thing is my fiancé got me a mango-Rita alcohol infused slushy and, while I still cried a lot that night, it was a nice treat lol

So that’s pretty much it. My fiancé does want to have another conversation and, respectfully but firmly, rip my mom a new asshole for hurting his future wife and her own daughter. As of right now she’s just lost my respect but she is still invited to the wedding. I know most of you said I should uninvite her but that doesn’t sit well with me and I would appreciate it if that’s one decision you guys leave your opinions out of. My fiancé says with 100% certainty that him talking will make a difference. My hope on that is dwindling but he’s got some hard truths to tell her that I do things she needs to hear regardless of if it changes anything. Not sure if that’s the update you guys wanted but that’s what happened. Thanks again for all the input, it is appreciated.

I (22F) recently got engaged and, naturally, immediately started planning all things wedding.

While talking with my sister (19F), I mentioned that my longtime best friend and I were going to look at venues together to narrow down some options for my fiancé and me.

My sister seemed confused and said that should be something I do with her, since that would be her job as my maid of honor. I gently told her that I was actually planning on asking my best friend to be my MOH.

She was really hurt. She told me she couldn’t believe I would do that to her and said she had always imagined that we would be each other’s maids of honor. I completely understand why that means so much to her, but the truth is, I never had that same expectation.

My best friend and I met freshman year of high school and have been extremely close ever since. She knows me and my taste incredibly well and has already helped me with so much throughout my engagement. She’s organized, dependable, and the type of person I know would go above and beyond to make sure everything comes together the way I envision it.

I absolutely love my sister, and there has never been a question about her being a bridesmaid. But if I’m being completely honest, I’ve just never pictured her as my MOH. She’s also only 19 right now, and while our wedding is still 2 years away, I don’t know that she’d want or be able to take on the amount of planning and responsibility that comes with the role.

My biggest issue is that I don’t want to give my sister the MOH title simply because she’s my sister, while still relying on my best friend to essentially act as my MOH behind the scenes. That feels unfair to both of them.

At the same time, seeing how genuinely hurt my sister is has made me question whether I’m being too practical about something that clearly means a lot more to her emotionally.

AITA for choosing my best friend as my maid of honor instead of my sister?

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