r/aitaweddings

For context we’ve been engaged for 7 months. We are getting married 10 months from now and are doing an intimate destination wedding. My fiance has a few brothers and cousins who he is very close with. I’ve asked and encouraged him to think about picking someone for his best man as I’ve already asked my sister to be my maid of honor. Every time we talk about it he says “I don’t know” or “does it matter?” He doesn’t really seem to care if he has a best man or not but we originally agreed our only members of the bridal party would be a best man and maid of honor.

We recently talked about it because I asked if he has put any thought into it yet and his response was “i’ll just see who RSVPs yes to the wedding and pick someone from that list”. I feel like this is so wrong since the RSVPs are due only a few months before the wedding. I also just feel like if you want someone to be in your wedding you should ask them know more than a few months in advance. I don’t want whoever he picks as his best man to feel like he was chosen last minute.

I’m getting frustrated because everyone keeps asking me who he picked and I feel silly constantly saying he hasn’t decided yet. I just feel like he needs to pick someone soon but I don’t want to keep nagging him.

Side note: please do not give me any opinions about how we are doing a destination wedding. Our immediate family and closest friends are happy for us and we have been very transparent that if people aren’t able to make it we fully understand and plan on doing a small local reception at a later date.

I (27F) went to my cousin's wedding this weekend. We grew up pretty close, so I was excited to be there.
When I got to the reception, I found out I'd been seated at a table with people I didn't know at all. It was basically the "overflow" table friends of the groom's parents, a couple of distant relatives, and one random plus-one. Meanwhile, all of my siblings and cousins were sitting together at another table.
At first I figured it was a mistake, but when I asked my cousin about it, she said she did it on purpose because "you're easy to talk to" and thought I'd help the quieter guests feel comfortable. She also said the family table was already full.
I didn't make a scene or anything. I just went back to my seat and tried to make the best of it. But honestly, it felt kind of crappy watching everyone else in my family laughing together while I spent most of dinner making small talk with strangers.
After dinner and the speeches, I congratulated the couple, said goodbye to a few relatives, and left instead of staying for dancing.
The next day my cousin texted me saying she noticed I'd left early and that it hurt her feelings. I explained why, and she said I was acting childish over "a seating chart" and that weddings aren't about where you sit.
Now a few family members are saying I should've just stayed because it was one night and the day wasn't about me. I get that, but I also felt like I was treated more like a host than a guest.
AITA for leaving early?

Do I need to invite my fiancé’s brother’s wife of 1 year to my bachelorette party? I have been with my man for 9 years now and she has barely came into the picture last year. I have been close friends with his sister for 7 years and only known her for a year but it will be two years by the time we get married.

Back story: I don’t have a problem with her but we aren’t close. My bestfriend who is going to be a bridesmaid is obviously invited and she used to date that same brother for 5 years. The wife has never told me anything negative about me being friends with her after they broke up ,but I have a feeling it would be awkward with both of them in such an intimate setting. ultimately I want my closest friends with the exception of my sisters and my fiancé’s sister there with no awkwardness. Plus, she’s very against drinking and everything like that so i just worry the vibe wont be her scene. They also had a small thing at a courthouse where they got legally married and I wasn’t formally invited to that so I didn’t attend as they said it was immediate family only. I was invited to her shower and attended, and I’ll also invite her to my shower but I just think the bachelorette party is a more intimate gathering.
I need help lol. Also his family is very traditional where I know they will think it’s messed up I invited his brother’s ex (who I have been best friends with for 7 years now) but not my future sister-in-law.

I’m 35F/ single and I’ve had a really rough year medically. I was in a bad car accident and have been dealing with a lot of recovery since.

A really good friend invited me to her wedding. I was still weak but feeling better, so I wanted to go.

When I got the invite, I texted her because I was so excited for her; we are both event producers, so I wanted to be respectful of her planning. I said I’d formally RSVP, but wanted to give her an early heads-up that it would be me and one other person. She replied that she wasn’t sure if she could accommodate both me and a date but would let me know.

She said I’d know some people from college there. The thing is, I hadn’t talked to most of them since college, and as far as I knew, they were all married or bringing partners.

I know weddings are expensive and guest lists are complicated, but the more I sat with it, the more it bothered me. She knew about my accident and logistically, I would have had a 3hr drive to the venue, attend the wedding alone, stay overnight by myself, and then drive back alone, which is exhausting for a healthy person.

In the end, I didn’t go, and I also didn’t text her back to follow up if I could bring the +1. We haven’t really talked since.

AITA for not going?

Edit: I don’t have time to respond to every comment, but I appreciate the opinions.
I just want to clarify that my injuries were not mild. If you know who Jeremy Renner is, my injuries were very similar in severity to his. A vehicle ran over me. I almost died. I had major facial injuries, hearing loss, collapsed lungs, broken ribs, a TBI, multiple reconstructive surgeries, and months of recovery/PT/speech therapy. A lot of it affected my face, which made it really hard for me to be social or feel comfortable being seen. She had visited me a couple months before the invitation went out, and we had talked pretty openly about how isolated I felt and how hard it was to go back into the world.
The person I asked to bring also wasn’t a random date. He’s been my best friend for 20+ years and would have been physical support (driving) & emotional support. I understand it was her wedding and she didn’t have to accommodate me. But I equally took it as a signal that aren’t really great friends. / edit to be clear, she also said she would get back to me on if it was okay and didn’t

I’ve gone back and forth on whether I wanted to post this but it’s really been eating at me.

I (21F) and my fiancé (21M) are planning on getting eloped later this year, and then having a ”reception” like party to celebrate with friends and family afterwards. We both purposely decided that we didn’t want to have a big wedding because it just didn’t fit our vibe. We’d much rather have our closest friends and family with us as we embark on this new chapter, especially since there’s been some varying opinions of us getting married due to our ages. The planning has gone pretty smoothly, and we’re very excited, the problem is MY family.

For context, my parents were together for close to 30 years before going through a very sudden and messy divorce. Although we could sense that something was up in the last few years, it definitely hit our family like a truck. Very shortly after, my mom began trying to meet people through online dating websites and whatnot. Regardless of me and my siblings concerns that it was way too soon, she met her current bf…who unfortunately we all hate.

Their relationship has been nothing but toxic and very “on/off” throughout the 5 months that they’ve been together. Gaslighting, manipulation, controlling behavior, you name it..it happened. It has been so bad that as of last month, my mother shared that things had escalated physically. Naturally, my siblings and I were furious. My sister, who lives in another state with her longterm boyfriend, agreed to house my mother and help her get back on her feet. I helped her pack her bags, let her cry and share what she wanted to, and drove her to the airport to ensure she was safe.

Well here’s where shit hit the fan. After a week of staying with my sister, who was organizing a million different ways to help her while also dealing with her own life mind you, my mother ultimately decided that she was going to go back to her bf. My sister and I begged her not to, told her how much worse it would get, and laid the boundary down that my sister and I would not tolerate her or her bf‘s behavior anymore. Me and my siblings have been dragged through the mud throughout the entire divorce process trying to take care of both parents, we’ve about had it. My mom sent a big long message to the three of us saying that she “understands our concerns” but that she is a “grown adult who cannot control who she loves”.

Since then, none of us have spoken with her. We have a family group chat where she continues to send text messages saying that she “misses us” and “loves us”, to which she has received no replies. The debate that I’m struggling with is whether or not I send an invite to her. I briefly mentioned it to my dad who said “she’s your mother” but I simply refuse to hold space for her or her bf’s behavior during me and my fiancé’s day. And I can guarantee that if her bf isn’t invited, there will be an uproar from her. So Reddit, WIBTAH for not inviting my mom to my elopement reception?

We (29,F) have been best friends since high school. I would spend every Christmas Eve at her (we will call her P) house for dinner. We went to college in the same city, she was one of my bridesmaids, and I visit her in NYC where she met her wonderful gem of a future husband.

We all had a very solid friend group in high school and that also kept close in college and after. We are a 50/50 split of men and women in the friend group. There are certain people in the friend group I choose to stay away from (bc their overall personality is awful and they are not a good people).

A backstory:

I had a small wedding in march of 2023. My close high school friends were invited.

Months after my intimate wedding, I invited them to celebrate my birthday in July. P was not in town so she did not attend. The night was fun and a lot of alcohol was had.

I went to the bathroom to do a bump of coke with one of my high school male friends in the restroom. After we were done with the bump, he groped my bare vagina.

I was so thrown off and upset. I said to him, “you just groped me.” He said, “no I didn’t.” And I said “yes you did.” He left the stall. I went to go tell another good friend of mine what he did. She told me to stop talking so loudly, and said that I was lying. “Why would I believe you? He just told me it didn’t happen.”

I was so hurt. I won’t go into detail but I had to go to a mental hospital for 5 weeks as a consequence of all of what transpired for my birthday.

The context:

Months later I tell P what happened at the birthday. She is shocked. I see her again a few months later and I bring it up to her, and she is acting as though she had heard about this for the first time. I have to explain it again. This happens another time; where I have to remind her I was groped by our good friend from high school and our good female friend didn’t believe me and called me a liar.

Months later, I find out the groper is having his birthday trip for the big 30 in Guatemala and I ask P if she is going and she says she is. I am hurt. He sexually assaulted me?

I think that bc he just groped me they don’t take it seriously. I am still in agony over it.

The wedding:

The groper, the girl that called me a liar, and all of our friends who have now excommunicated me for announcing he groped me are all going. It is in Italy. It is a big trip.

She is my best friend and I love her soon to be husband. I want to support her for her nuptials. But I don’t think I will be in a good headspace seeing the man that groped me and the person that accused me of lying for it.

Do I go and suck it up? Or do I sit it out?

Me (f35) married my partner (m66) last year and now his daughter won’t speak to us.

Bit of a back story. I met my partner 6 years ago after getting divorced. His daughter got engaged in 2023 and a few months later, my partner proposed to me (this was our second marriage). When we got engaged, she never said congratulations but instead said please don’t get married before we. We understood as it is her first wedding and should be a day to remember (I thought my first marriage was going to be forever so I get it). We agreed even though she didn’t want to get married for two years! We didn’t want to wait that long as we didn’t want a big wedding, just close family and for it to more of a celebration that we found love again. It was a good excuse for our families to meet each other. She booked her wedding for April 2025. Every time we saw her we would ask about the wedding planning and offer any support. She never once asked how our wedding planning was going, but that was ok. We also contributed a large amount to her wedding with no say. We booked our wedding for December 2025. In February 2025, our venue cancelled as they were no longer doing weddings. We were gutted. We looked around but all the venues were really expensive and we just didn’t want to spend a lot of money as this was our second marriage. Anyway, we attended her wedding obviously and it was beautiful. We were so happy for her. I’m aware that there is an age gap between me and her dad so we never have public displays of affection and I was super polite to her mom and her new partner. Anyway, after lots of discussions about venues and money, we decided to elope. We got married in July 2025 with two random witnesses off the street. Just us. No white dress, no bridesmaids, no venue, no photos nothing. We didn’t want to steal any thunder or spotlight from step daughter but we also didn’t want to wait any longer, we had already waited 2 years for her to get married. My partner has some serious health issues and we wanted to get married whilst he could still “walk down the aisle”. We thought going off on our own wouldn’t steal any spotlight. Was it the wedding we wanted? No. But we thought it was the best way to keep everyone else happy. I didn’t even have my own children there. Anyway, when we told his children, they were all so pleased, except the daughter that got married in April. She deleted us off social media and left the group chat. We sent a message explaining that we purposely didn’t have a big wedding so as not to steal any spotlight but her response was… you got married in the same year as me and I will never forgive you. A note. She knew the original wedding was going to be in December which is still the same year and didn’t seem to have an issue with that. I hate the fact my partner has pretty much lost contact with his daughter and I feel really guilty but also don’t see how I stole any thunder.

Based on some comments on another post, I few things to clarify. I was divorced for 12 months before I met my partner. He had been divorced for 13 years so no families were broken up.

My partner is not wealthy. He doesn’t own his own house and very limited savings and this is not a marriage for money. I am in fact the main earner. My wages cover our rent and bills. The money for the step daughters wedding was probably 60% me and 40% my partner but we never see money like that. My wages and his small state pension get paid into a joint account and bills come out of that. So it’s not a money marriage, the man just makes me smile. His health issue is mobility not life threatening.

So AITA?

Ten months ago I asked my fiancé to delay our wedding because I have self image issues and I did not want to get married looking ugly or at least feeling like I look ugly. For context, I look very different from the people of my culture and that has made me a target gor bullies.

My fiancé convinced me to get therapy instead of a nosejob with facial fat removal. We agreed that I would get artificial tanning for our wedding so I would not look like Casper but that was all.

I have been on therapy since then. My fiancé is very happy about it and he says he is very happy for getting to keep "the real me". But I feel like it is not working. Yes, I feel a little better about myself in general (I have lost some weight, which helps, even if I am still overweight) but seeing pics of me or sometimes my mere reflection hit me hard almost every time and I get back to feeling like I should wear a bag on my head.

Honestly I am tired of this "you are unique" bullsh\\\*t. What about what I want? I feel like I am the bad guy for wanting the nose surgery and the weightloss. I think I deserve to feel beautiful at my wedding. AITAH for that?

​I (F, 27) am getting married next year to the love of my life (M, 28). I feel that I should add that this wedding is the most important event in my life, before I met my fiance I was in a very toxic and abusive relationship, my fiance brought me out of a very dark place and I want only joy and light on this day. I can't wait to become his wife and he has been nothing but supportive and will back me with whatever decision I make. My fiancé’s family has been endlessly supportive helping us find vendors, planning, and even generously contributing to things like the photographer and hair without us ever asking.

​My own family situation is much more complicated. I lost my birth mom at a very young age. Shortly after, my dad met my stepmom. My relationship with her has always been turbulent; I love her, but she aggressively pushed herself into a "mother" role too quickly, causing a lot of tension. I ended up moving out at 16 to live with my Nan, who has been a light in my life, despite our own occasional ups and downs.

​Ever since I announced my engagement, my dad and stepmom have shown zero excitement. When I first told them, my stepmom's immediate reaction was to bluntly tell me not to expect any financial help (I hadn't asked for any). Since then, on the rare occasions the wedding comes up, they either judge my decisions for being "overboard," complain about costs, or push their own preferences (like demanding specific canapés). They constantly remind me that they had a "low-key" at-home wedding, and they even forced the family to watch their wedding video at Christmas, which literally just showed my dad blackout drunk.

​To make matters worse, i had been trying to involve them in some of the more fun planning events but my stepmom texted me 30 minutes before my first dress shopping appointment (which she had a month's notice for) saying she wasn't coming since then i havent bothered involving them. Meanwhile, my future MIL was out of the country but begged for photos and updates. My dad has also openly stated many times that he "dislikes weddings" and clearly didn't even take his own seriously.

​Here is where the main conflict lies: My Nan is very traditional and wants my dad to walk me down the aisle. At a recent family dinner, she blindsided me by asking him right in front of everyone (im sure she had good intentions but is not very accepting that i do not get on with my parents, she thinks everyone should just get along). I hadn't made a decision yet. He agreed but immediately joked about wearing a Hawaiian shirt and shorts to the ceremony.

​Because of their negativity, lack of effort, and my dad's open disinterest in weddings, I do not want him walking me down the aisle or my stepmom involved in planning. I want a beautiful day surrounded by people who care. I want to demote them to regular guests. However, my Nan is completely set on him walking me, and I'm struggling to find the words to explain it to her without causing a massive family explosion.

​If I put my foot down and keep them strictly as guests, AITA?

TW: violent threats, suic\*de

This is my first post, but it’s going to be an extremely long one. I (30F) am getting married this year. I have 3 sisters ( 24F, 22F and 21F) who I’ve asked to be my bridesmaids. To be honest, I hesitated a lot about asking one of my sisters (Q) as we have a complicated history, but it seemed mean to leave one sister out, so I decided to invite all three. I should note that Q has autism. She did well in school and is able to work a full-time job, but has always had a hard time with social norms, empathizing with others, executive function and regulating her emotions.

Oddly enough, the conflict I’ve struggled with the most with Q happened nearly a decade ago. When Q was about 15 and I was 21, she was experiencing an unhealthy relationship, mental health issues and came to stay with me for a short time. We went to the mall, to the movies and she wanted to go to a youth mental health crisis center, so I took her to one and she spoke with a counsellor privately, which seemed to make her feel a bit better. After she left my house to return home later that day, she left her Facebook logged in on my computer. I recognize that this is an absolutely terrible thing to do and a violation of her trust, but I was young, dumb and worried, so I decided to read some of her Facebook messages. The messages I saw were a bit concerning as they consisted almost entirely of lies. Q claimed to have a variety of medical conditions she does not have, including schizophrenia, amnesia and end stage tuberculosis. She also claimed to be abused at the hands of my mother and forced to cook dinner nightly for our family as well as do all the cleaning and childcare. This was very much not the case- Q would often throw temper fits or flat out refuse when asked to help with any chores and as far as I can recall, my mom has always cooked every meal for the family. Unfortunately, it got far more disturbing the more I read as I then found messages where Q and her boyfriend of the time talked in depth about their deep hatred of both of their families and discussed their plans to murder us. The messages contained graphic details of how our families would be tortured and murdered as punishment because they felt our families wanted to keep them from dating. While I knew the relationship was an unhealthy one, I was shocked and a little scared when I read those messages.

I went into a full blown panic and called my mom and told her what I found. My mom was upset as well, but seemed to be less so than I was. I believe she ended up telling Q she wasn’t allowed to see that boyfriend anymore and grounded her from her cell phone for a day or two. Q was absolutely furious with me for both invading her privacy and telling our mom. She continued a relationship with that boyfriend for another couple of years, before eventually ending it, as far as I know.

Later that night, out of curiosity and fear I (stupidly) read more of Q’s messages. I found a lot of messages about me specifically, where she described having a particular hatred of me, details of the ways she wanted to murder me and said how much happier she’d be if I was dead. I tried to find a reason in the messages for this hatred or any particular event that caused that reaction, but there didn’t really seem to be much of one. She mentioned always hating me since we were children and saying it was unfair that others in the family thought I was a good person. At the time, I was having a particularly rough go struggling with depression and anxiety. Learning how deeply one of my siblings hated me and regularly fantasized about my death was a shock and I went to a very dark place mentally which resulted in a suic\*de attempt. I spent 15 days in the ER and the mental ward of the hospital before I was released.

Because I am dumb, a few months after I was discharged from the hospital, I once again snooped through Q’s messages ( I know, I know- a really stupid choice). I guess I was hoping to find some sort of proof that Q did not actually want me to die after I nearly had. Unfortunately, it was the opposite. Q expressed frustration to her boyfriend that I was still alive and that I didn’t successfully finish the job. They again discussed wanting to murder their families and the plans of how they would do it.

It’s odd because while the events from back then are something that my mom and all of my adult siblings are aware of, it’s not something we ever really acknowledged. My mom has always insisted that the messages I read on Q’s Facebook could not have been genuine, that she must have only been saying them in an attempt to bond with her boyfriend and connect over shared interests. Q and her boyfriend of the time have both been diagnosed with autism, and my mom stated the messages were likely influenced by that as well as Q’s tendency to adapt herself to those around her.

Then, 3 years ago, Q pursued and slept with a man I had briefly dated. I’d stopped seeing this man because I’d found out he was married and Q was aware of this. Q has a history of pursuing married men, which has always made me uncomfortable, but this instance made me particularly uncomfortable. It felt weird that my sister wanted to sleep with someone I’d slept with. My mom encouraged me to forgive her and reminded me that Q had a hard time with social norms because of her autism. I ultimately decided to let it go.

More recently, Q seems to be having a hard time at events where others are the focus of attention. For example, this year she declined to attend the wedding of our younger sister (21), citing that she "had to work". She later told me that she could have easily gotten it off work but chose not to attend because she did not want to.

In another similar instance, last year on my 30th birthday party, my fiancé booked an Airbnb for 2 days for my family to celebrate together. Q claimed she wouldn’t be able to attend because she’d be away on vacation. While she did end up showing up on the second day for the last few hours, it later came out that she was not on vacation, she just didn’t want to attend.

Now onto the issues since I asked Q to be a bridesmaid. From the start, after I became engaged last year, she seemed to be uncomfortable whenever my wedding was brought up. Q would often change the subject to her own accomplishments or her own future wedding, should she become engaged.

She would also regularly complain about aspects of being a bridesmaid, sometimes to me, but most often to other members of the family, such as having to buy a dress, have her hair and makeup done or when my maid of honour asked her to contribute to the cost of my bachelorette party.

I should note that myself and our other adult siblings ( 33, 30, 22,21) have moved out of our mom’s house, pay bills and support ourselves. Q does work, but lives at home and because of this, has significantly less expenses. Nevertheless, Q has always had a bit of a hard time managing her money and over the years I’ve occasionally lent or given her money to help out. Last year, I lent her about 4000$ to pay for a vacation.

While none of the other bridesmaids have had complaints about costs, because of Q’s money troubles and her complaints about wedding costs, I’ve offered to cover costs for her various bridesmaids expenses. At my mom’s request, I’ve also lowered my expectations for Q and haven’t really asked her to help with wedding planning tasks, as she has seemed reluctant and irritated about the idea of assisting.

While Q has had a tendency to lie, since my engagement, I’ve noticed a lot of these lies have shifted to be about me and me being a bad bride/bridezilla. For instance, this week she told our family that I demanded she cancel her vacation plans in order to attend my bachelorette party, which did not happen. In reality, Q stated that she would not be able to attend my bachelorette party on Sunday as she was thinking she might go on vacation and return the Friday prior to the party. She said that if she returned on the Friday, she would want several days to “recover emotionally and financially” and would not want to spend money on the bachelorette party. I didn’t push this issue and told Q that it was her choice whether she wanted to participate or not and that I would respect her decision.

Another main concern I had with a Q as a bridesmaid has been hygiene. Since puberty, Q has struggled to maintain consistent hygiene. She will often show up to school/work/ family events with strong body odour, bad breath as a result of not brushing her teeth for several days and greasy hair. Several other family members have commented on this. As she lives with our mom, when she notices this, my mom will often discreetly ask Q to have a shower, apply deodorant, etc. This typically makes Q very upset and she will insist that she doesn’t need to shower and my mom is just being dramatic, mean or ableist. Several times when I’ve been driving Q somewhere, I’ll notice bad breath and have discreetly offered her a disposable toothbrush/gum.

The major conflict happened recently after my mom mentioned to me in front of my other sister/bridesmaid that she was worried Q’s hygiene would be an issue at my wedding. I told her that I was worried about this as well and my mom said that she would try her best to ensure that Q showered, washed her hair and brushed her teeth before the event. Later that night, my sister mentioned to Q that my mom and I were worried about her hygiene. Q became very embarrassed and angry with me and our mom. Q insisted to our mom that I was just saying that to be mean, that she has not had hygiene issues for a few years and that I must’ve only said that because she has autism and I am being judgmental and ableist.

Yesterday, Q sent me a message saying that she did not want to be a bridesmaid anymore, as she was very hurt and embarrassed when she heard about my concerns about her hygiene and that I wasn’t happy with her behaviour towards the wedding. She stated that I was being unnecessarily mean, treating her unfairly due to her autism and that she had been an excellent bridesmaid but it would never be enough to satisfy me. While I recognize that the situation would be embarrassing and stressful for her, myself and the other bridesmaids feel that based on her actions, Q did not ever want to be a bridesmaid and was "looking for an out".

I have told Q that I accept her decision to no longer be a bridesmaid. However, her message did hurt my feelings and I don’t feel it was an accurate assessment of the situation. But to be honest, I’m a bit relieved now that all my of my bridesmaids will be people who want to participate.

After taking a good hard look at my relationship with Q, our history, her actions and attitude towards the wedding, I’m thinking it might be best to not even invite her to be a wedding guest. She’s caused me a significant amount of stress and I know if she were to attend, I’d spend a great deal of the wedding worried about her, how she’d act at the wedding and potential drama.

Would I be the a\*\*hole if I uninvited my disabled sister from attending my wedding as a guest?

My sister (29) and I (27) are fairly close, we always have been. We grew up sharing a room, telling each other everything and hanging out. Besides the occasional childhood fight we’ve never really had any issues, until now. My fiance proposed to me a year and a half ago and we’ve been actively planning the wedding for around 10 months. My best friend of 16 years, has been heavily involved in the planning and helping me with various wedding projects. My plan all along was to make my friend my maid of honor, but everything went horribly wrong when I announced my bridesmaids.

I took all of the girls out to brunch and gave them all gift boxes to surprise them, everyone was super over the moon except my sister. She seemed very *fake happy,* is the best way I can describe it. She was slightly passive aggressive for the rest of the meal, but I didn’t take it to heart.

Days go by and we met up for coffee at this shop near my work, She continued to give off this weird vibe and I finally ask her what’s up. She started to completely go off on me about how close we are and how she was supposed to be my maid of honor instead of my best friend and how she deserves it more than her. This COMPLETELY caught me off guard and to be honest I didn’t even know how to respond. I tried to apologize but ultimately told her it was my decision and that was that. She got kinda quiet and I assumed she accepted it and that would be the end of it, but no. She decided to bring our mom (who is also a bridesmaid) and dad into this. They both sided with my sister, basically saying “family always comes over friends”

I feel I made the right choice making my best friend my maid of honor, but I’m starting to think I should just fold and give the title to my sister to squash the drama. AITA?

update - we made up

Hi reddit this isnt that common for me so im sorry if i ramble but ill start by explaining what happened. So i recently went to a wedding for one of my oldest friends who we can call jane ,me and jane have been friends for years now and have also had a friend not as close but still close enough and we will call her bullshitter.

So bullshitter has always had a liking for attention and it has extremely escalated recently, this is because a while back she got married and now that the attention has dissipated from her and her wedding she has been scrambling for attention anywhere else.

So to kind of set the scene we were at this lovely outdoor dining area it was really calm and peaceful there ,was a band ,people were just chatting while eating their food when all of a sudden ,a loud clinking was coming from my left and i turn to see bullshitter standing up ,a tall glass of water in one hand and a fork in the other and i instantly knew that she had some sort of plan.

She started talking about her life before and after she knew our friend jane and that jane saved her from a dog chasing her one time and then she started talking about her self ,her life ,her wedding and her proposal.Then she started talking about how her and her husband were trying for a baby for a really long time until recently.

Now i knew where this was going ,she had a hand placed on her stomach ,was having water not wine and i looked over to jane her face was red ;although she was smiling i could tell that she too knew what was coming and was mad as she had explicitly said she wanted a calm evening with no surprises or even speeches not even from herself or her husband as that is the the of people they are.

I now may seem like the ass but i couldn’t help myself and so i also stood up and started talking over bullshitter and ill basically just write what i said: and upon looking back on all the time we have spent together from running around the neighbourhood, knocking on doors asking where each other were all the way up to getting married ,wanting babies and having jobs we have only now realised how much we have helped each other and how we have raised each other too; and so while moving forward in our lives we hope to see you thrive in the same way that you have helped us thank you.

I sat back down and felt absolutely humiliated because i knew that it didn’t really link but as i looked over to bullshitter her face was pure rage she slumped back down in her chair crossed her arms and twenty minutes later she was nowhere to be seen as her and her husband had just left without a goodbye just disappeared.

Later i went over to apologise to jane about how i didn’t want to undermine her in the speech department but i thought it would be better than bullshitter announcing her pregnancy and jane under stood and thanked me. its been about a week now and i have been receiving harsh messages from the bullshitter herself and im not sure how im supposed to answer them but did i do the right thing or am i the a whole i know it may not have been my place but i would have felt worse if i hadn’t stepped in so im unsure on whether I was right or not.

SMALL UPADATE-

Hi guys thanks you for all the replies and reassurance its meant alot and i thought i would just answer a few queries and give a little update.

I do also want to apologise that this was the worst thing i have ever written and im aware how poor the grammar is ,im going to go back and edit it i was just so caught up in it while writing lol.

Anyway so alot of people asked why me and jane were even friends with bser,and to be honest it all started because none of us were all that popular and so we naturally banded together. This obviously isnt the best reason to befriend someone but over years it felt harder to leave as she was so prominent in our lives so instead it was just easier to go along with her shinanigans.

I know a few people have made several comments about this being some ai slop but its not and im not sure how im supposed to prove that? However as much as i was just some bored Redditor trying to get a bunch of attention i have been lucky enough to be blessed with such a horrible person in my life.

Anyway on to the update bser and me talked and while it was long and tiring it was unsurprisingly unproductive for our relationship. So i took some of you guys opinions and i texted her how she had made me and jane feel for a while and she took it as some kind of harassment and started calling me.

She essentially started screaming at me about how we don’t appreciate her and how she was only trying to bring more joy to our friend on her wedding day. Of course this made me slightly lose it and i started to lecture her on how jane had told people NO SPEECHES and that she had undermined her on all levels.

Bser ended up cussing at me straight for at least five minutes and i ended up hanging up and blocking her ,and besides a few hateful messages from her husbands facebook i have not heard much from her since.

Anyway im hoping that is it but i will try to remember to let u guys know if anything drastic happens but fingers crossed nothing does.
Thanks once again for the advice have a great day!

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My boyfriend’s younger is getting married in a few months. My bf and I have been together 3 years and he is recently getting divorced. Now I’ve met the ex wife twice and both times she either 1) cried to my ex and his mom about not being part of the family or 2) started fights with my ex which eventually almost led to full out physical fights between my bf’s family and her family and bf. Anyway she’s horrible and she treats everyone horribly, especially my bf. He raised her kids and she uses them against him to benefit her. After the most recent blow up caused by the lovely ex wife, my bf told me she would not be invited to the wedding and he told talked to his brother about it. Wow finally relief from drama! So I thought… this weekend I found out that she will indeed be at the wedding because his younger brother doesn’t see an issue and that he doesn’t want to cause an issue with the kids (AKA ADULTS AGES 22 & 23).

At this point I’m so over the drama that his family continues to promote. These are only 2 instances of when I actually met her and saw it in real life. There’s many many many more awful things she has done and I’m over the nonstop drama. Is this not totally disrespectful to my boyfriend and I? WIBTA for not going to the wedding?

For context- my boyfriend's sister got married.
A destination wedding that cost all family members thousands to attend, and immediate family wasn't given the option to not attend. They ALSO (same couple) are having a second wedding, 6 months after their first, here in the States so other people who couldn't go abroad, could attend. I've had recent brain surgeries that limit my income and physical abilities, and we also have 4 other weddings and my best friend's baby shower right around the same time. My boyfriend would still attend, but I tried to say that I would have to sit this one out due to finances. We quite literally went into debt to attend the first one. They've had an engagement party, 2 bridal showers, a bachelorette/bachelor TRIP, and a month-long honeymoon. My boyfriends mom told me I couldn't skip it because "weddings are important and she (bride) would be so disappointed." They said "oh we'll front the cost, and you guys can pay us back monthly." IS THIS NORMAL? Like how do people feel comfortable asking people to spend this obnoxious amount of money? Even AFTER expressing how difficult it will be to buy more flights. Yes, all events have been over a 5 hour drive, or 2 flights away.
My boyfriend said if they buy my ticket he's not paying them back because he absolutely feels all our reasoning was moreee than enough. But at this point, I'm feeling weird about how they talked to me, and how they are so self involved they can't see guests struggling just to celebrate someone else's big day.
And don't get me wrong, I love, love. I wish we could travel as much as we want - but it's not in the cards for us right now. And I feel as though that should be more than enough to decline a second wedding invite.

So me (F 30) and my fiancé (M 35) are getting married in october. Part of the wedding will be out of the country and it will be just us 2 and 3 friends that will also be best men and bridesmaids. After we return we'll have a private small intimate wedding in a small church in a forest that means a lot to me and my fiancé. We decided that we will be only inviting mine and his parents and the 3 friends that will be with us out of the country. Today we told his parents our plans and my mother in law is not happy that the wedding will not be traditional and that we won't be inviting more of the family members. She insists that we at least invite his brother and consequently his baby mama and his 3 children. The problem is i don't like them. Their children are wild and where they go is like a zoo, no manners and they don't listen a thing and are spoiled. Also my fiancé has a bad relationship with his brother and agrees with me. But i must state that the brother and his +4 will be invited with the rest of the family to a party after the wedding that will be the same day in a different location. I would also like to invite my maternal grandmother and grandfather to a church wedding but if i do then i need to invite also my paternal grandparents with whom because of my fathers death i am in a bad-ish relationship. They will also all be invited to the after-party. When the mother in law said to invite the brother my fiancé was quiet and then i said if that is a must then no children should be present. She said that who will look after them ( 5, 3 and 1 years old) and i said that they also have another pair of grandparents to take care of them. My mother in law is not happy and father in law said that its our decision and that it's just their suggestion, but if children are not invited then it has no meaning to invite just the brother and baby mama. Point of us getting married out of the country and in a small ceremony in church at home is that i dont want a lot of people around because i lost my dad young and these situations like weddings when a father walks a daughter down the aisle or graduation make me sad because i start missing him and I become a mess. I wish to have my ceremony with just the people closest to me that i care for and and not some that I despise because of his principal and family history. Am i the asshole?

Edit: As it seems it's not comon to have 2 weddings around the world. So let me clarify.

So the first wedding that will be out of the country, will be just a civil marriage at the registry office with us2 and other 3 friends and a dinner. This civil ceremony is what my country requires as prof of marriage certificate. We will be there 10 day. And we all wanted to travel to that country for about 3 years and decided to also when we are there get married. So its a trip and a civil marriage. The friends love this idea and see no problems with this.

The second one that will be at home in a special forest, is a church wedding with a priest and we choose to have it in a small chapel. So it's a religious wedding and not recognised by the state as ligal or official.

The wedding after part is just a little gathering for the family to celebrate because there won't be a big traditional wedding.

In my country we always get married twice, usually the same day so a civil ceremony and later a christian church ceremony.

Also my fiancé DOESN'T WANT TO INVITE HIS BROTHER. He was just caught off guard by my mother in law and did say nor yes or not the her idea. But today he told them that it will be as planned just 4 parents, 3 bestmen/bridesmaids and a priest.

The children were only hypotheticaly excluded from a chapel wedding and still invited to the after-party.

Might be more of a “who is the a hole” here but…there’s some family drama and I want some outside judgement on who is the a whole here. Or if I am for not going to the wedding.

So my brother (31M) is getting married. He and his partner were going to marry anyways, but the engagement got sped up when she got pregnant. They’ve been engaged since she found out, and they’ve been saying they were going to do a courthouse wedding. Very last minute (baby being due any day now) they asked if they could get married on my mom’s property (it’s crucial here to note my parents are divorced and it was an ugly divorce. I was 13 at the time, my brother was nearing 19).

My mom agreed. He then changed the date. My mom adapted to this. No issue.

TO NOTE: none of my siblings were invited. To my knowledge, neither was the brides siblings. It was the brides parents and my mom/stepdad, just using their property for a pretty backdrop for a small, short ceremony and nothing else. So a week out my mom asks to finalize who all will be there, when it comes out the brides siblings as well as my bio dad and stepmom will be there. My mom is livid at this, since she and my bio dad have not gotten alone in over 10 years. Every time they’re in the same room together something happens that causes a scene. Brides siblings are also invited and will be there. My mom explains she’s not comfortable with bio dad and his wife being there, saying that my brother sprang this on her and asked if he was planning on not mentioning it and asking forgiveness later.

My brother gets angry. Stops responding to my mom. Next day texts all the siblings saying he’s getting married at x location (not my mom’s property) and we’re invited….we were given 3 days notice and I had plans. My siblings all said they’d be there except me. He never told our mom about this. I’m also going to note I’ve been no contact with bio dad for 9 years due to how I was treated growing up.

AITA for not going to his wedding (because of the drama/I don’t get along with bio dad and stepmom)? Is my brother the a hole for how he handled it? Is my mom?

I (27f) was a bridesmaid at a close friend's wedding in the south of France last month. Ten other friends, my partner, and I all travelled 12+ hours to be there. (disclaimer: we are all Europe based it was just a very remote location)

The night before, there was a rehearsal dinner. We were told upfront it would be a set cost of €45pp for the meal.

When we arrived, wine and water were already on the table and being poured openly by waiters, so naturally we drank some. We paid our €45 and left, assuming that covered everything since nothing was said otherwise.

The next day, at the drinks reception after the ceremony, drinks were hard to find and the "canapés" were just salami and cut baguette. When the catered food came out, allergies hadn't been accounted for, so several people in our group couldn't really eat anything.

Day 2 was billed as a "bring your own food bbq" at the same venue. We bought food for it, then heard nothing all day and ended up driving around the south of France on a closed Sunday trying to find anywhere open for dinner.

My partner and I also gave a generous cash wedding gift.

Then, 10 days after the wedding, the bride sent a group message saying the rehearsal dinner drinks hadn't actually been included, her mum had personally covered the whole bar tab, and now every guest was being charged for water and wine via her mum's Revolut.

My dilemma: I understand mistakes happen and I don't want her mum out of pocket, but we were never told the drinks weren't included, we already paid what we were quoted, and we'd all spent a lot just to be there, on top of the gift.

AITA for refusing to pay this after the fact?

My fiancé and I are getting married soon, and we’ve decided to invite his best friend, but not his best friend’s girlfriend of six years.

For context, I’ve never really clicked with her, and over the years I’ve had several interactions with her that left a bad impression on me.

The first time I met her, she was doing my lashes, and while we were talking, she casually brought up two girls my fiancé had liked before we got together. We had literally just met, so I found it strange and uncomfortable that she would bring that up.
Another time, I walked into a restaurant where my fiancé’s friend group (about 13 people) was already eating together. As soon as I walked in, she loudly said, “Wow, you really had to put lip gloss on.” Everyone heard it, and I felt embarrassed and singled out.

She’s also asked me, “Why are you so quiet?” in front of the whole group on more than one occasion. I’m naturally reserved around people I don’t know well, so being put on the spot like that in front of everyone made me uncomfortable.
I’ve never confronted her because I don’t enjoy conflict, but I’ve also stopped trying to build a friendship with her because I don’t feel comfortable around her.

Now that we’re planning our wedding, my fiancé and I have decided to invite his best friend but not his girlfriend. I know they’ve been together for six years, and I understand many people see long-term partners as a package deal, but I also don’t really want someone at my wedding who has repeatedly made me feel judged or uncomfortable.

My fiancé supports the decision, but I know some people may see it as rude or exclusionary.

AITA for inviting my fiancé’s best friend but not his girlfriend of six years?

My fiancé told me recently that I guy had been instagram messaging her to hangout one on one. I asked her to block him, she didn’t because “He’s her friend.” She told him she was married and he kept pushing. So I messaged him hey man, I’m only gonna say this nicely one time please leave my fiancé alone if you’re a man you’ll just move on. My fiancé is now furious at me and told me she was upset then ignored me from 3 pm until this morning when she texted me: Honestly this is ridiculous and very controlling. I will not be told what I can and cannot do I am going to do whatever I want. You took it way too far. He is my friend and it’s not like I hung out with him one on one. I told him I wouldn’t be comfortable hanging out one on one. He was fine with that. And no I didn’t block him because he’s pretty much my only friend. He literally was not pushing to do anything. I’m the one who told him I still want to be friends and hang out in a group. I told him it would be fine if we hang out at the parade cuz my mom will be with us. Idk why that’s bad honestly. You need to have a little trust here because I’m literally in the military and I’m going to be working with other men all of the time so you’re gonna have to get used to me having guy friends. Do not do this again. On another note I think we should wait a while before getting married.

I (27F) am getting married next year to my fiancé (28M), and I'm really struggling with the maid of honour role.

Growing up, my sister (25F) and I always agreed we'd be each other's maids of honour. The problem is that, over the past several years, our relationship has deteriorated severely, and getting along requires me to make a lot of allowances for her behaviour. At the same time, my best friend (27F) would be my natural choice, having been by my side throughout my entire relationship with my fiancé, gets along with him well, and is a lovely, supportive person.

For context, my sister and I have had a difficult relationship for almost a decade with several major fallings-out over the years.

The biggest was about 4 years ago when she asked me to cancel my Christmas with my fiancé's family in Germany the night before flying because she wanted my support after a difficult breakup. I changed all my plans to be there for her, only for her to spend almost the entire holiday meeting friends instead, leaving me alone at home (this was during Covid, so elderly family were not accepting visitors, and Germany had shut borders to the UK). We didn't speak for nearly a year afterwards because she refused to apologise. We then began speaking again because I was moving to Germany and she to Australia.

After she had moved to Australia, she invited me on a month-long sisters road trip as a chance for us to rebuild our relationship. I took a month off work, saved for a year to afford the trip, and flew halfway across the world. When I arrived, I discovered she'd brought her partner along for the entire trip without telling me beforehand. The holiday became so unpleasant due to his behaviour and my sister trying to plough ahead with only considering what she wanted, that I left two weeks early. Again, she has never apologised.

Those experiences really affected and changed how I see our relationship. On top of this, she is also extremely difficult to contact, can disappear for months without replying, and when we do spend time together she can be very confrontational. Most recently, she got into a heated political discussion with my fiancé that quickly became personal, insulting him rather than debating the issue. He was deeply upset, and since then she hasn't spoken to either of us.

By contrast, my best friend has been there since the day my fiancé and I met. She knows us both incredibly well, has supported us through every stage of our relationship, and is someone I trust completely. She gets on brilliantly with my fiancé, is reliable, thoughtful and supportive, and is exactly the sort of person I imagined having beside me on my wedding day.

The problem is that I feel trapped by the agreement my sister and I made years ago. I don't honestly think she'll help with any of the responsibilities of being maid of honour (due to being in Australia and not answering my calls), but I also don't want to damage our relationship even further.

Because of that, I ended up asking them both to be co-maids of honour. My best friend is the person I genuinely want beside me, while asking my sister felt more like trying to preserve what little relationship we have left.

Now I'm wondering whether I've handled this completely the wrong way. Should I have just chosen my best friend and accepted the consequences? Or am I wrong for feeling that my sister no longer fits such an important role in my wedding?

I wanted to address the dynamic and role I want my best friend to play in my wedding with her in person, since we are both currently in England, but am not sure how to go about it, or whether I'm doing the right thing.