u/AbracadabraMagicPoWa

For context, this happened nearly 20 years ago when I was in my late 20’s and in graduate school. It came up in a recent convo and got me thinking about it again.

I had a loose friend group while in grad school. We were all late 20 something’s and one person was getting married. This guy was not a close friend and I knew both him and his finance, but not super well. At one point they had asked me to watch their cat while they were traveling and I think they picked me because I had a cat and lived the closest to them.

Outside of that I had been to their place a handful of times always with others in the group. One day the fiancé asked me casually while I happened to be over with the group if I wanted to come to their wedding in a couple weeks.

I never received an actual invitation and I was extended this verbal invitation very late in the game. I was free that weekend and so I said sure.

The finance sent me her registry link and everything that was left was super expensive ($150+) except one item that was only $25 + tax and shipping. So I bought the $25 item and a card.

The wedding was nice, modest, casual, very them. It was buffet style. The bride sent me a thank you note for the gift.

AITA for not spending more?

Looking for an outside perspective on a situation with my direct report.

I’m the lead sales manager at a small CDMO and hired my first direct report about two months ago, a sales rep (Keith) covering the west coast. We get along well and he has good commercial instincts. However I’m noticing a pattern and I want a sanity check on before I have a reset conversation with him next week.

First, I’ve asked him twice to keep the CRM updated and log his emails. He acknowledged both times he would. Two months in it’s still not happening. Nothing at all is in there except what I transferred to him.

Second, we are implementing a shared a marketing tool that affects both our territories and pipelines and will eventually extend to other sales departments. He has experience with the tool so I let him lead the project, though I’m the one accountable if it fails. I’ve asked him multiple times verbally and once in writing to copy me on any communications involving it. He acknowledged the request. I haven’t received a single CC and we’re already two external meetings plus at least one internal meeting (that I’m aware of) he’s had with the marketing director but I’ve had no visibility on what’s been discussed. Occasionally I’ll get some quick updates from him but it’s usually after things evolved and so I’m constantly catching up/behind.

Third, there’s a broader gap between what we agree on in our one on ones and what actually happens afterward. Commitments get made and then quietly don’t get followed through. For example there was an important clarification that needed to get made with a customer and he hadn’t done it because he wanted to wait for the customer to get back to him on something else unrelated. I asked him to let her know now and not wait. He said he would email her that day. It didn’t happen.

I’m not trying to micromanage Keith. With his general client communications and prospecting I give him full autonomy. These are specific narrow asks with clear business reasons.

My plan is to address all three together at our next 1:1 and reset expectations. Am I reading this correctly and is there anything I’m missing?

Hi, I found a house in game and it looked like it’s likely cloned and I wondered if anyone has this house and is willing to trade?

It’s mostly red, white and pink with lots of hearts and flowers. Thanks!

Hey All!

So, I went on vacay and I often bring a deck and even a few crystals when I travel. Stupidly I put my tarot deck in the nightstand drawer in my hotel and forgot about it when I packed up to leave.

I know I shouldn’t have put the deck there it’s totally on me but I’m super sad because it was my very first deck I ever bought (standard RWS) in a cute little bag with a crystal that was also sentimental.

Not much I can do but hope whoever finds it finds meaning and value in the deck and my crystal. 💜

Incase anyone suggests calling the hotel, it was an international vacation and I had already left the country when I realized I left the deck behind so I didn’t even bother to call the hotel.

Has anyone found a crystal or tarot deck or know a good story about someone who did?

Thanks for reading!

I’m 44 and went through a really toxic workplace environment a couple years ago. It was 2 years of absolute hell and I gained over 20lbs. I was drinking daily and in a dark place.

I finally left after an 8 month job search and got a higher level role. Really moved up. I noticed I still had a lot of trauma but completed EMDR therapy, now only drink a few drinks on weekends and worked hard and lost 15lbs. I also started working out 5 days per week.

I left for vacation about a week ago and before I left noticed I gained back about 10lbs. It was really disheartening after all that effort, but because I’m working out five days a week I still feel great and strong.

On vacation we met up with a family member of my husbands who lives in Europe where we are visiting and works for a big luxury designer. Apparently she has some super rich client who was struggling because she’s “so big”, a size 42-44. Well this family member kind of made a big deal about her weight and was pretty judgy about the women who is apparently one of her best clients.

Well, I’m probably a 40 in European sizes right now. Just made me feel worse than I already do. It’s super hot here too which also makes it worse somehow. She’s also about 10 years younger than me.

Just not feeling awesome. I’m hot all the time here and always tired. Thanks for reading.

Positive vibes welcome!

Edit
Thanks so much for all the positive vibes and feedback. It was wonderful to wake up this morning to all the kind words!

It’s our last full day before leaving for another country and I’m wearing my most flattering dress and feeling much better! ❤️

I expensed one at 7AM and it raised “questions.” lol

I work for a founder led CDMO that recently opened their first US-based site. My territory is North America, though I just hired a BDM reporting to me who gets US-East. I get a 2.5% override on his revenue.

The issue I’m having is it’s a constant battle of people sticking their hands in my territory for all these random one-off deals. We have a “consultant” who wanted me to work all his deals (he’d get all the commission and I’d get nothing) and I put a stop to this early on but it was hard work to get that sorted.

Then our European sales team has fought hard to not give up the US, which used to belong to them before the site opened and they want a piece of
my commission for any lead they pass me, even though we’re supposed to be on the same team within the org. At my old job it was just expected you pass deals to the proper rep.

Now we have another complicated situation where a big company in an adjacent business works with us on lead sharing but we don’t have a clean setup. There’s an old contract put in place years before the US site opened up that neither side follows. I’m trying to set up a lead sharing agreement with them but my POC is kind of an AH and has been ignoring my emails.

This is exhausting to me and not what I’m used to from previous roles. I didn’t even list every example of hands in my territory, there are quite a few more.

How common is this? Any advice?

The week before Easter my mom asked if me (44F) and my family (Husband 48M and daughter 7F) were coming to her place for Easter dinner. There’s no set “time” but usually family shows up and hangs for a few hours or so then we eat around 3 or 4.

Growing up we were not very religious, but my mom was raised catholic. I married a Muslim man who is religious and absolutely does not eat pork. We’ve been married over a decade and this is well known in my family.

My mom mentioned she’d be making ham as she traditionally does for Easter but was also going to prepare a chicken dish for us. A couple days before Easter I let her know we’d probably get there later than we normally would—we were busy with something and had an errand to deal with in the morning. She got upset, some passive aggression ensued. I ignored it.

We ended up getting ahead of schedule and wouldn’t be late after all. I texted first thing in the morning on Easter letting her know we’d be there around 12. She replied simply “I’m not going to make chicken, I’m too busy. You’ll need to figure out something.”

So, my solution was we all stopped at Burger Lounge on the way to her house and ate cheeseburgers and enjoyed a beer. When my mom found out we had eaten she was furious. Me and my family just acted normal, chatting with everyone and when she confronted me and then my husband we both calmly explained we ate before coming since the only protein served was pork.

She was furious and muttered to herself the whole time she finished up the meal. My grandmother defended my mom and said we should have just eaten the side dishes for our dinner.

AITA?

I work at a smaller company (CRO) with the founder leading as the CEO. He’s been there decades.

The concept of house accounts is new to me. Idk if it’s because my previous sales jobs have been in bigger companies or what but I was shocked to discover the ceo (whom I report to) wanted me to work accounts where I would never earn commission.

How hard should I push back on this? I believe I have some sway and could make some changes to the policy but he doesn’t want to pay what he considers “double commission” because our house accounts actually belong to third party consultants who are the ones getting commission by bringing in leads. Accounts stay with them.

How common is this?