r/BodyPositive

I try my best; I really do. It just hurts to know that people judge me based on my weight and not my character. I was at a mall, sitting on a lounge chair with 2 plates of food beside me. Mind you, I haven't eaten from 10 A.M to 3 P.M and those 2 plates of food were supposed to be shared among 3 people. All of a sudden, as these people were walking by, I heard, "Is she gonna eat all that?" with the other responding, "That's why she's fat." At first, the damage didn't click with me. But thinking about it till now, even though it's been 10 hours, it f*cking hurts like h*ll. And while it reflects their negative character, I let it get to me. Every hour since then, I feel the need to cry because my mind hasn't expelled those comments. I am 20 pounds above the average weight for my age, and when I look in the mirror, I am disgusted at myself. Yes, I am insecure and emotionally unstable. I need my environment to be positive. How do you expect me to take care of myself when that is conditioned on loving myself first? I hate myself. Yesterday, I walked til I was sore, played sports til I was sore, and yet this is what I get: an insult. They don't know me. They have different values. I mean, how could you judge someone without knowing the context? I guess it made sense since they looked skinny or had a healthy weight. But that shouldn't be an excuse for saying sh*t like that about a person who is right next to you/can hear you. I feel misunderstood and ashamed. I have had thoughts about ending it again when I had just found body positivity. I felt confident in myself yesterday, and so I exercised to get momentum. Their comments really disrupted my progress. At this point, I don't even want to live, nor go outside, and even if I have to go outside, I will never go back to that mall. That's how much their thoughtless comments hurt me.

Lots of people say calling people fat is not an insult; it is the truth. Sorry, but not sorry, I disagree with that statement. Calling someone fat these days is insulting due to social media. Everybody is always looking forward to being skinny, staying fit, and glowing up. When people call others skinny, it is usually seen as a compliment. But when people call others fat, it is usually said as an insult. Would I have accepted being called fat if they didn't say it in a harsh, judgmental tone? Yes. It's funny how the same people who stick by that statement say it in a way that is so contradictory. I witnessed a friend tell a boy (Call him A) that his crush liked this other guy who was "bigger" (literally healthy weight) than him. (A) then shouted, "But he's literally fat!" when just yesterday, (A) said, "Calling someone fat isn't an insult". (A)'s attitude there really ticked me off. What a hypocrite.

Now, I'm not saying being fat is good; it is indeed horrible, and I wouldn't wish it upon others. Being fat is mentally damaging. These are my thoughts running through my head when I got fat-shamed. 1. I off myself. 2. I exercise. Can you guess which option I'm leaning towards? My job isn't to make people uncomfortable with this topic, but to give insight to those who believe fat shaming corrects people. If you ask anyone who has gone through fat-shaming, they would tell you exactly what that person said even though it was from years ago because that's how damaging it is. It is traumatizing and endangering. I almost got an eating disorder. After all, I starved myself for a couple of days because someone told me to "look at yourself in the mirror". That was f*cking brutal.

Please love me. I am just a teenager who is already struggling with my mental health. School has been hard, family relationships have been hard, and now I have to endure fat-shaming. I want to live to see myself beautiful, to my potential. Sometimes I have thoughts like "if I were skinny..." because I would be able to fit into more clothing, have more privileges, get compliments, and finally be able to love myself. Even while typing this, my body is still so sore. Please, please, please be kind to each other. Please spread more positivity. You cannot mask insults by saying it with joy. Keep your thoughts to yourself or at least say it when the person isn't there out of respect.

TW- Weight loss, ED, and internalizing anti- body positive comments.

I’m in my early 40s, and have spent most of my life yo-yo dieting, having a disordered relationship with food, a disordered relationship with my body, and undiagnosed ADHD. I am a girl born in the 80, after all.

When I became a mother to girls, my brain rewired and I dove headfirst into the body positivity movement. I did not want my girls to have the same messages seared into their brains that I did. I changed the way I thought about my body, because I didn’t want my girls to hate their bodies like I did. My mombod became neutral territory. The size of my body is not something I need to spend time ruminating about. I committed to never counting a calorie again, and sending messages to my kids about food as nourishment, balance, and joy. It’s been amazing for my mental health. I teach my kids to not make comments about the way people’s bodies look, because every body is just their body. Bodies are neutral.

Also, when you’re overweight, acquaintances don’t talk to you about the size of your body (usually).

Two years ago, due to some new diagnoses, some new medication, and a highly stressful job, I started losing weight. The first 50lbs came off over the course of about a year. People started noticing. “You look great!” is something I started hearing a lot. That fucks with you when you’re not used to hearing it. In my head- I’m hearing it because my body is smaller than it used to be. I’m smaller, and now I look great. Way to undo a literal decade of work in therapy, random acquaintances!

So I began responding with “thanks, so do you!” But sometimes, that seems to make people think it’s cool to just start a conversation about the size of my body. It’s not! Stop doing that!

But then I got diagnosed with ADHD (thanks perimenopause!), and started meds. I dropped more weight, this time pretty quickly. Now everyone notices. It’s all they want to talk about. This is my first summer wearing a single digit sized swimsuit in 20 years. I’m seeing people at the pool for the first time since last summer. And everyone wants to talk about the size of my body.

I didn’t take GLPs, I never attempted to lose any weight, and I see my doctors regularly because there’s a lot going on with my health. The health issues that brought me to this point are COMPLICATED and none of the acquaintances in my life deserve any kind of explanation about the size of my body. But here we are.

What do I SAY to these people? I’m good at making things awkward, but I swear I never do that on purpose. I’ve mumbled the most random things to people.

We haven’t seen each other since last summer! There have got to be more interesting things to catch up on than the size of my body.

I’m hoping there are other women here who have lived life as a Body Positivity graduate on both sides of the scale. With culture swinging in the opposite direction from body positivity, it feels like I’ve got a lot of work to do when talking to people and modeling the messages I want my girls to hear.

I’ll add that I’m a school teacher, and well known in my community. I have to be professional, even when I’m at the pool. Oh how I wish I could say “what a weird thing to say!” to people who make weird comments about the size of my body, but the consequences would make my life harder. So has anyone found anything that works to shut it down and not make it too weird?

TLDR- I’ve spent so many years working to make my body neutral grounds in my brain because I don’t want my kids to struggle like I did, and now that I’ve lost weight (not on purpose) acquaintances keep striking up conversations about the size of my body. I want tips on what to say to shut down the conversations without making it too weird.