r/AmItheAsshole

We have 2 toddlers (4 year old and 3 year old boys). My wife works during the weekends every other week. And when she does, she expects me to drop and pick her up. She normally drives during the week, but wants me to drop her off as it’s my day off. Which means that we have to wake up our kids around 7 ish, as I can’t drop her off without taking them. And these kids are full of energy and it’s like 30 mins each way. I could be taking the kids to the park, do household chores, cook dinner, so much more instead of driving to and fro from her work.
Today we had a big fight as she asked me to drop her off to the work and I said no. She’s like “I begged for you to come as it makes me happy but you didn’t.”

For additional context, she’s always asked me to drop and pick her up when she’s got work during weekends, even before work. And I just feel like it’s such a waste given that she can get to the work herself and I can do some other stuff during this time.

AITAH for not agreeing to drop even though she asked.

[supprimé]

[removed]

The wedding is in a week and I could still fix everything if I am being a dick. Though I think the friendship is over

Growing up, I was very close friends with Ryan. Our family were closed friends and it was not uncommon for both sets of parents to tease us about being together. Examples asking when we would get together. It would be comments when we went out asking if they were dates. They referred to us as a couple. It was that type of thing.

We didn’t date and when we went to college we grew apart. I did have feelings for him, but after college he moved away to another state and it just didn’t happen. We mostly just send tic tome to each other.

He announced his engagement, and I knew it would never happen and I was okay with that. His wedding is going to be back home ( our home town area). My family is going the catering as a wedding gift. They are making the food for the wedding There is no contract, this was suppose to be a gift.

He called me yesterday and uninvited me to the wedding. He said his fiance is uncomfortable with me coming since they knows I had feelings for him.  She thinks I will do something to cause drama at fhe wedding. I told him I would never go that and I have literally never tried to cause problem in any of his relationships. I was still uninvited. 

I was upset, and told my mom what happened. My parent think it is bullshit and are now not going to the wedding. That means the catering is canceled.

My mom informed the couple and I got a call from Ryan who was upset. He called me petty for taking back the family’s gift when I was uninvited. That they don’t have time to get someone else or the money. That’s his fiance was right that I did want to ruin the wedding.

Was I over the line? Should I convince my family to do the food even if I am not invited. 

I (36 F) was at a children's birthday party this past weekend. My best friend's daughter turned 6 and invited her whole class to a public park for games and cake. I showed up wearing a long-sleeved, knee-length dress, which is relevant. I've been really busy at work for the past week--3-4 hours of sleep busy--so I had the energy to shower before the event, but I didn't bother shaving my legs. I'm not growing a national forest or anything, but the hair is visible if you look closely. Personally, I don't care, my husband doesn't care, and I didn't think any of the children/parents would either.

At one point, I was sitting on a folding chair by the snacks table with my legs crossed, and a little boy wandered over. He was more interested in the snacks than me, so I didn't pay it any mind, but eventually he approached, pointed at my legs, and asked, "Why do you have hair there?"

I wasn't prepared for questions, and honestly I had no interest in discussing this with a kindergartener. So I settled on, "Because I'm a mammal," and left it at that. The little boy looked kinda confused for a second but then said, "Okay," and zoomed off. I don't really know what happened from there, but my guess is he asked his parent(s) what a mammal is and then explained where he heard that word, because the next thing I knew, his mom stomped over. And I know it was his mom because her only introduction was, "What the hell are you trying to teach my son?" To which I replied, "Nothing. What? Sorry."

She said, "You should be sorry, because it was really inappropriate for you to try to parent my kid." I immediately said, "I wasn't trying to do anything of the sort," but she replied, "It's not your place to tell him right from wrong. And for the record, I have three kids and still manage to shave my legs every single day. What's your excuse?" Which I guess was a dig at the fact that I don't have children? I was the only person there who wasn't a parent to one of the kids, so I guess I stood out.

I probably shouldn't have replied the way I did, but I said, "Congrats on your dolphin smoothness. It's genuinely impressive you have that kind of energy." Then I got up and left without really listening to what she said next. I found my best friend and told her what happened. She was 50-50 on if I should have just kept the peace or not and asked me to avoid that lady/her children for the rest of the party, which I did.

I don't know what I think about all this, so I'm asking you. AITA?

I (40+M) thought I made it a pretty good day for my wife’s (40+F) birthday, but instead she thinks I’m the ass.

Started with telling the two under 10 yo kids to let her sleep in, which they did. They also on their own did a few decorations on our door. When we were both awake, I rolled over, put my arm around her, gave her an innocent kiss, and told her happy birthday.

Next I made her (and everyone else) eggs, hashbrowns, bacon, and toast for breakfast. Served hers with Diet Coke (her favorite). Made all this while she was taking a bath (another favorite).

After I cleaned the kitchen, loaded and started the dishwasher, cleaned the front rooms.

After that she had a friend over with husband and kids for several hours. Followed by me making her favorite meal of tri tip, baked potato, corn on the cob, and a specific salad she requested. She did help make the salad, but I bought everything and got out the ingredients. I made the rest, then cleaned up after dinner. Then served homemade cake (myself and youngest two) and ice cream. Cleaned up again. Gave gifts and card, then she went to the bedroom to call her parents.

2.5 hours later the kids are headed to bed, it’s a fight as always, she’s getting upset, so I get on the kids about it, and then she gets pissed. Starts yelling at me. She’s upset that her gifts are not put up yet, the dishwasher isn’t unloaded, and the decorations are still up. I take out the trash, come back in and she continues yelling at me. Tells me the gifts weren’t enough, she expected gifts from the kids, feels that nobody cares about her, that she’s not appreciated, then proceeds to unload and load the dishwasher as loud as possible while simultaneously telling me to stay away from her.

Granted, the gifts were modest. Popcorn is another favorite of hers and I got her this special
Low hull popcorn, some plantar fasciitis house slippers because she’s having foot issues, and when we find the right one on marketplace a console table for behind the couch. Girls all made handmade cards. Nothing rushed, they worked on them for two nights. We are a one income family and money is tight.

So, with what you know, AITAH?

I'd like to start out by saying that I know that this is very petty of me. There are 3 of us living together, my sister 22F, me 23F, and my cousin 21F. We all moved in together at the beginning of this year. My sister and cousin have been talking about buying a new giant TV for the living room and asked me to split it. I told them I was fine with our current TV and didn't have money to spare for a big purchase. I use the TV once a month anyway. We all three are in college and working part time, so thats a lot of money. They decided to buy it anyway. I didn't touch it for the last month that they've had it. A few weeks ago I sat down in the living room with them to hangout and they were trying to find something to watch. They switched to a service and I noticed it asked for a pin. I asked them why they put a pin on it. They looked at each other and giggled but didn't respond. I asked again, and they again ignored me completely. I thought there was some weird inside joke or something and forgot about it.

Utilities and rent were due at the beginning of the month, and I am in charge of gas and electric (the two most expensive ones). I told them how much they owed me prior to the 1st, and both of them said that they didn't have the money at the moment and I would have to wait a few days. I told them that I needed that money because I would have a hard time paying rent and the utilities on time without it. On top of that, we got a notice that our rent was short a couple dollars for the last 2 months. I went in and paid it to avoid a late fee.

Yesterday my boyfriend and I were home alone and we decided to watch Harry Potter. We turn the TV on and discover that they have locked every single app on the TV. Now I understand it's their TV, but no one was home and I wasn't interfering with anyone. The living room is a shared space, and we have an entire open bottom floor. If I wasn't going to be allowed to use it, I feel like they should have put it downstairs instead of taking up the entire living room wall. At no point were any rules with the TV mentioned to me, and I feel like they locked it with the intent that I would find it to be hurtful. I have bought things for the apartment and at no point even thought to hold it over their heads. Thats where the microwave and air-fryer come in. I bought the microwave and the air fryer was a gift. When my sister came home I asked her about the TV and we got in a fight. She said that I'm not allowed to use it because I didn't put any money towards it. In most cases I would agree, but I've had no problem sharing my things with them and they couldn't even pay me on time for the utilities on top of that. I told her if they didn't want to share their things with me, then I wouldn't share mine with them. I took them and locked them in my room (we have a stove/oven so it's not like I took their ability to cook). I'm still missing a third of the utilities as I write this. AITA?

UPDATE: utilities were paid back.

Hi Reddit. I’m hoping coming here will give me some clarity on a situation thats happen recently.

A little back story: I (24f) have a serious long distance boyfriend (23M). We have talked about weddings and proposals so I know one is coming sometime in the future. But right now… WE ARE NOT ENGAGED.

Anyways. I went to a wedding yesterday of a friend and her now husband. I was having fun chatting around with some mutual friends, dancing, and having a few drinks. Literally it was a good night until the bouquet toss. I figured I would stay up to catch the bouquet bc I’m not married and the whole “hahah maybe my ring will come soon” and i literally had two girls I was hanging out with tell me to stay up and catch the bouquet bc I’m not married. So I stayed to catch the bouquet.

Also i thought catching the bouquet meant “the next to get married”? Maybe I was wrong. This was the second wedding I have been to.

So by the title. I caught the bouquet and was holding it up all happy. Until the bride came over and said something along the lines of “what are you doing up here? You’re literally getting married next week! We need to do a redo”. Loud enough that everyone could hear. I’m not getting married next week…..

I was just in an absolute shock I couldn’t say or do anything. They had the flower girl do the re-throw and someone else caught it. After the whole thing I was fighting off tears and gathered my stuff and quietly left. I didn’t want to cause a scene or anything.

When I got home I called my bf and bawled in the phone bc I didn’t understand why I was in the wrong. He told me I wasn’t and even someone else at the party said I wasn’t in the wrong but idk if they are being bias.

So…. AITA?

I took the day off and took my mom to a podiatrist appointment because she was having a lot of pain. She recently had a knee replacement, so she limps and walks slowly. Unfortunately, the elevator was broken, and we had to use the stairs. While we were on the stairs, she urged me to leave her there and get to the office so I can get her checked in while she makes her way up.

After her appointment, she was sitting in the waiting room while I finished checking out at reception. I told her she could head downstairs and I’d meet her there, since she takes her time and I don’t want her to feel that she has to rush because of me.

An older couple was sitting nearby. The woman told me the elevator wasn’t working. I said I knew and explained that I’d let my mom go ahead because she takes a while on the stairs.
A few seconds later, I heard the woman say to her husband, “I can’t believe that.” He snorted and agreed. She laughed and said something along the lines of, “She let that poor thing go downstairs by herself.”
It felt judgmental, especially because my mom doesn’t like anyone touching her while she’s going downstairs and prefers doing it herself.

I calmly explained out loud that: “My mom doesn’t like anyone touching her when she’s going down the stairs, so I let her go ahead and take her time.” I wasn’t rude or sarcastic. Then I laughed a little and added, “I love my mommy, I promise. That’s why I’m here.”
They went quiet. Once I finished at reception, I said goodbye and wished everyone, including them, a nice day.

My mom was fine with the arrangement, but the interaction hurt. I understand that walking nearby without touching her was also an option. What bothered me was hearing them make assumptions about me, then getting no acknowledgment when I explained.

I told my Mom what happened and she told me not to be bothered by it.

Was my response reasonable? It just triggered so much anxiety and embarrassment in me.

I live in a 3 bed 3 bath house. I share with my roommates. I get a text saying we all need to stay in room for her zoom call. In the middle of her call I left to go see my friend and I walked out the door by the kitchen where she was doing her zoom. She was upset that I used to door near the kitchen which was not even in the frame for her zoom. She said I was distracting. I just told her flat out the kitchen is a common area we pay for and she can do her interview in her room with a kitchen green screen feature on zoom if she wants complete privacy. But if I need to use our door to leave I will. AITAH?
Edit: This is the only door in the house. The house is in an apartment complex listed as a “townhome” option. It is slightly larger than the apartments and has two levels but there is no backyard or multiple doors.

I said apartment on accident in the title because our town house is technically in an apartment complex. So I switched between home and apartment when talking.

AITA ..After many,.. many attempts to get my son his Pokemon"chase cards" with zero luck ... and a lots of money invested for what it is... I've decided I was going to buy the cards he was looking for and place them in "Recycled packs"-- [open and resealed by ME].

I spoke about my plan to my LGS clerk, and she (along other staff members) literally calling me out for being a cheap cheater for cheating him. I get her point that realistically, he would not get them within a few packs.. (I was going to spread them within several packs.. not all in one). but I'm done buying packs at $12 to $15 a pop for nothing. Needless to say I'll never give that place a penny moving on.. But I'm I really an asshole for doing this??

Kiddo also spends his own allowances (Garbage out, dog poop pick up, dishes ..ect ..money) in order to buy his packs.. and frankly fuck Pokemon ... But he loves it so what am I to do??

I (F38) have had large earrings (14mm) since I was a teenager. A while back, I was at a gathering with multiple friends and our kids. One of the kids, who was about 12-14, asked me if it hurt to stretch my ears. Her mom immediately jumped in and said, “yes it hurts a whole lot”. I said, “no actually if you do it slowly and correctly, it really doesn’t hurt at all. It’s just really important that you do it right.”

The mom, who’s a friend of my friend and…sort of my friend but more of an acquaintance was visibly annoyed at me for this interaction. The subject was changed rather quickly by another friend and we moved on.

My issue is primarily that I don’t lie. But also that if a kid thinks it’s supposed to hurt, then they won’t know there’s a problem if they start to stretch their ears and it hurts. That could cause them to experience serious damage where they otherwise wouldn’t. I know several people who’ve had that experience, and I thought it would be irresponsible of me to be dishonest about this situation in the moment, given the possibility of a painful outcome for the child.

At the same time, I feel bad because it really should’ve been obvious to me in the moment that the mom wanted to deter her child from making the choice to stretch their ears and the child was young enough that their mom really did have that power over them. I’m autistic so I think this may be a situation where I grossly misread things and I would like to know if I should apologize.

I have my own apartment and I had a friend stay over after we went for dinner and had some drinks. she had leftover chicken and brought it back to my place. we had some gummies then watched a movie, afterwards she asked if she could air fry her chicken. i said i’ve never had meat in there and i’d prefer to heat up the oven for her. she told me not to get up and said she could manage heating it up and “disinfecting what she needed to”. i heard her plug in the air fryer so i got up and was kinda laughing/making a joke of it bc i’m truly not the type of vegetarian that cares about things like fryer oil or cross contamination. but this is my home, my safe place for MY food. somewhere i don’t need to accommodate what i want just so i’m not a pain.
she said this was exposure therapy and good for me, since i’ve expressed in the past that i would eventually like to eat meat again. i honestly didn’t want to ruin the “fun headspace” we were in, so i just let it go and told myself i’ll give it a really good clean. when i got up this morning, i was kinda disheartened. if we hadn’t taken the gummies i don’t think any of it would’ve happened the way it did, as in she wouldn’t have disrespected my boundary and i would’ve been able to stand my ground more, but now i just feel dramatic if i were to bring it up again. AITA?

My family planned to take a vacation this month and allowed our daughter to invite a friend, which we agreed to fully pay for since it was our choice to bring the extra child along. We are friendly with the family of the friend that was invited, so when we started planning, they asked if they could come on the trip as well, at their own expense, of course. We agreed, thinking it would be great fun for all of us to vacation together.

My husband booked 3 rooms on his account to ensure that we would all be close together, paid the initial deposit for all 3 rooms and asked the other family to simply pay the remaining balance due on the room that would be theirs. My husband was feeling generous and paid more for the deposit on their room than what was required, and did not ask them to reimburse him for the deposit amount at all, just to pay the remaining balance.

Unfortunately, the day that we were supposed to leave for this vacation, due to circumstances beyond our control, we had to cancel the trip. Cancelling was a joint decision by both families. Both families had travel insurance, so we wouldn't be out the entire amount. The destination company provided a small refund for the cancellation, and the rest was submitted to the travel insurance for reimbursement.

We did not get a cash refund from the insurance, instead receiving credit to use towards a future vacation. Since the booking of the 3rd room was in the other families name, they are receiving the travel credit, which is non-transferrable. Because of the substantial deposit my husband put on their room, they will be receiving more in travel credits than what they actually paid for the trip.

The small cash refund received went back to my husband's credit card (the original form of payment). The family is now asking that we give them back the cash amount, which we don't think is fair since they can't transfer any of the travel credits to us. My husband has firmly stated that he will not be giving them any money back, and now I am getting constant texts from the other family about how they can't afford groceries without that money, which makes no sense to me because if we had taken the trip as planned, they would be out that money anyway.

So... AITA for not giving them any cash back?

I'm a 40ishF who never had children (not by choice-- never found the right guy) but who finds herself a legal guardian of an elementary kid with trauma. The child will be moving in with me soon, so I was explaining to this guy I've been dating (very infrequently) for the past 6-8 weeks a situation that happened at a gas station with the kiddo where boundaries were tested. He then related to the situation to some thing that one of his daughters always used to do and essentially told me that I handled it wrong. I "gave too much wiggle room." I've reflected and can't think of anything I'd do differently. My entire point for bringing up the situation (which was very different especially since my kid hasn't known me for their entire life like his daughter knew him... not to mention again, trauma!) was to explain why I couldn't continue our spirited conversation about the great data center issue because I was feeling emotional and overwhelmed. It was an example of something that happened that I know will be part of my guardianship journey to exemplify why I am feeling this way. When I replied, "That's not the kind of advice I need right now," and explained that as an educator with a certain background, I do already know some things and disagreed with his assessment of the situation, he called me rude and said that I should have just said, "I'll take it under advisement." I can't think of a single time I've ever criticized his parenting or anything, and I don't know a single parent alive who wouldn't feel criticized for unsolicited advice. But is he right? AITA?

I have a 9 year old, 5 year old, and 1 year old. There are a few things I have "banned" in my house.

I had a few family members reach out and ask for ideas to get the kids for their upcoming birthdays and holidays. On top of those things, I had asked for a few things to be avoided:

\-Slime (self explanatory)
\-make up (my girls are too young, plus one has skin allergies that we'll have to consider when buying products)
\-candy (i haven't had the best luck with family sticking with certain brands or steering away from certain things, so I tell people to avoid buying it in general.)

I was told by a grandparent that I'm taking the fun out of childhood and making it hard to buy for them with these 3 exceptions. I told them many other things they like, are interested in and need but these 3 things apparently make that difficult.

AITA in this situation or am I really this much of a buzzkill?

I(16), have a younger sister who we'll call Em. Em is 13 and has a variety of mental health conditions such as Oppositional defiant disorder and the likes. For the past year she's been constantly fat shaming me and commenting on what I eat. It doesn't matter what I eat, if I'm having a salad, she'll criticize the dressing or choice of croutons. Snide comments such as "That's not the healthiest choice you could make..." or if I'm eating something sweet sometimes I get hit with wonderful zingers such as "You're such a fatty. I could never eat all that. So unhealthy." And our parents never do anything about it. They're content to blame it all on her disorders and tell me to give her more grace.

But anyways here's where I might be TAH. Earlier today I was just sitting there in the kitchen, minding my own business, eating my food. Then she came in and started with her usual spiel. I don't know why it got under my skin more than usual today. I don’t remember exactly what she said. But something inside me just kinda snapped I told her that "she eats more than me(she does), so what does that make her?" Anyways then she completely flipped out. She started screaming and me and saying i hate her and that I wouldn’t care if she died and then she went to our parents to tell on me. ​Anyways now my parents are demanding that I apologize. I refused because honestly I don't think I should.

Here's why I think I might be the asshole. I can see that i probably overreacted in our arguement and honestly being mean to a 13 year old who is insecure probably wasn't the best. But I honestly don't think I should have to apologize given she's been constantly bullying me about it.

I'll get straight to the point I'm 21F, I drive an SUV while the rest of my family (including BIL) have sedans. I don't want to give him the car because I have a college class tomorrow. Attendance is especially important because it's a hybrid class, and we only meet this ONE day out of the week, so my professor is strict about it. From past circumstances, I just know I can't rely on my family. I don't want to put the fate of making it to my class on them, and I feel less stressed knowing I have my car. My sister (25F) went to my mom, who paid for the car, and my mom took her side. Her husband (28M) is offering me $100. I stood firm on my no, and now I'm a villain. Everyone (except sister's husband who has been outside) has said hurtful things to each others faces at this point, and I've locked myself in my room. Sorry if this is confusing, I left out a lot. I don't usually use reddit for posting, but I'm stressed and needed an outlet.

FAQ/more info:

-I got the car for my birthday. My mom paid for the car, so she's on the title, BUT same thing with my sister, my dad paid for hers & is on her cars title. Yet she considers her car hers.

-Car swap was offered after I refused the first time. It sounds spoiled but I don't want to use another car, I'm used to my car and its features.

-I'm the only one on insurance for the SUV, dad pays both me and my sister's insurance. We pay for our own gas and maintenance.

-Dad would've taken my side, but he's out of state on business. It happened late at night and I didn't want to call him.

-My mom always favors my older sister, but I didn't expect her to take my sister's side this time because it involved my college.

-Me and my sister have a strained relationship because her and her husband live with us and she constantly lets him use my stuff like MY FOOT SCRUBBER. 🤢

UPDATE: I just got home from school, I haven't talked to either of them. My sister has me blocked on iMessage since last night, she says I'm interfering with their money. Her and her husband left last night, and took his car. I hate to give in to my sister's wants because if you give her an inch she will take a mile. Thank you for all the responses, I have read them all.

ps sorry this is so poorly written im on my phone

My mother is old (70s) but had a good relationship with my ex husband and was friendly (not quite friends) with my ex mother in law.

I am in my 50s and have 4 adult children with my ex. My mother told me she invited my ex husband, his current wife and my ex mother in law for a coffee / tea at her place. I was obviously gobsmacked given that my ex and I did not have a good divorce and my mother knows what he has been saying about me to people. I got mad at her and told her that what in the word was she thinking? I understand maybe inviting my ex but his current wife? We got into a fight and I haven’t talked to her since and have been ignoring her calls.

Her reasoning was that she does have a good relationship with all her children’s exes and that he is the father of four of her grandchildren after all. I’m actually very hurt. I shared this with my friend and she said that it’s my mother’s house and she can invite whoever she wants. This got me thinking if I’m maybe being dramatic over this whole situation. My friend was also good friends with my ex husband so I want to know a third person’s opinion on this matter.

Adding more info: (copy paste of my reply to a comment - with typo edited)

So my husband divorced me out of nowhere. No prior fight, no nothing. Just one day he decided he wanted to divorce me. Even at the proceedings he didn’t give a proper reason.

He has been telling our mutual friends and family that I was a bad mother and neglected his needs. He is a very traditional man and wouldn’t get a glass of water by himself. And I was a stay at home mom of 4 kids. The kids are very close in age (a year or two apart). I dropped everything, my job, career for my kids. My adult kids also hangs out with me on the daily now but does not talk much with my ex so I don’t understand how I am a bad mother when none of my kids have said it.

He’s also telling people that I should give him back all the money he spent on me while we were married (he is struggling financially now) also talking about our sex life and things i obviously wouldn’t want anyone else to know. These stories have reached my kids too which sucks.

+ also about the current wife, I have no personal issue with her. She’s not rude to me or my kids. This is the second woman he has been with since our divorce. He got together with her 3-4 months after our divorce so I can’t say that he was cheating on me with her or not.

Edit #2: ok I’m adding another edit to add more information: my mother has a very social life. She has lots of friends and family that’s over constantly. I live next door so I am over all the time as well. There’s almost never a time where people aren’t over. My mother also has a lot of pen pals she’s on the phone with. I have deliberately not moved away just so my mother is close enough if she needs me.

My ex husband and my divorce finalized in January 2025. He got remarried in September 2025. My ex also badmouthed our children in court just to portray me as a bad mother. I shared all of this with my mother. And she knows this.

So I (24m) was golfing with my brother (21m) and our dad and someone dating a family member (65+m)

Before the tournament started there were pot of golf incentives such as closest to the pin, longest putt, straightest drive etc. So our dad bought one and the family member who were will call John for this case got one as well.

Later in the day brother make a qualifying shot. Within 8’ of the pin on a 168 yard par 3. We were almost the last group to go through and no one else make a qualifying shot yet so he was the only one who at this time was going to win the prize for that hole.

After dinner on the course they announced winner and he won $300 which was the total winnings all to him because no one else came close.

Nothing else was said, the next day “John” texted our dad and asks for his share of the $300 since he was part of the group. There was no mention of this earlier in the day and there was no mention of it between him and my dad when they bought the tickets to participate in that earlier in the morning.

He has been bugging for $75 out of this all morning and it’s tough because we see him at large family events but it’s also petty of him to try and get something off of a 21 year old who made a shot single handedly to win this money.

I don’t think he going to get any money from my brother but what do you think should be done?