r/AmItheAsshole

I(20F) have done tutoring off and on since probably around 16-17. I haven’t currently in the last few months, but I always charged ridiculously cheap.

My brother has recently asked me for help tutoring him, and I told him I could on one of my days off and I’d make it a bit cheaper for him. Typically I do $14 an hour, I told him I’d help him for $10hrly. This also affects my schedule, because I work full time and am in school.

When I told him I had expected payment he acted like it was the craziest thing he ever heard, and asked me why he would pay me. I told him because I’m taking time out of my busy schedule, and he said it was ridiculous to charge family for help like this, that I should just be willing. He also told our parents and they pretty much demanded I do it for free (which I haven’t yet.) Now tensions are high, my brother’s been pleading with me. AITA

I (19F) have an apartment near my college. Recently, my sister (21F) has asked to stay with me and I told her yes, but on the pull-out couch. She was only supposed to stay a week, but she's been here almost a month (she lives with our parents). She goes out late and basically does what she wants. I think she's staying here so she doesn't have to deal with the rules of living at home.

My boyfriend stays over a few nights a week and so I don't exactly have space for her in my bed, nor do I want to give her my bedroom (want privacy and such). She asked me yesterday if I would take the pull-out couch so she can have the better bed since she's older and I said no bc it's my apartment. She got really mad and said that I wasn't being a good host or a sister, and how rude it was for me to take the bigger bed and have my boyfriend over. AITA?

(Throwaway account because it’s too specific of a story and our friend is on Reddit)

My (22F) boyfriend (23M) and I have been together since high school, almost 6 years. We just moved in together after I graduated in May. We’re not officially engaged yet but planning to get married once he finishes grad school.

An old friend from high school invited us to his family’s beach house for the holiday last weekend. When we got there Friday, we realized his mom and dad were spending the weekend, too. Which was fine, it’s their house, and they seemed to have their own plans for the weekend. They were happy to let us do our own thing during the days, and they had drinks in the hot tub with us Friday evening and were actually really cool.

But that night, when my boyfriend and I started getting ready for bed, our friend’s mom pulled me aside and said that my boyfriend would need to sleep on the couch in the living room instead of with me in the guest room because we aren’t married. I was surprised because our friend hadn’t mentioned this and my boyfriend and I live together and everything. I said okay but felt really uncomfortable.

I have trouble sleeping in new places and sleeping next to my boyfriend helps. My boyfriend also was annoyed he had to sleep on an uncomfortable couch when there’s a perfectly good bed. So we decided it would be best to get a hotel in town and meet up with our friend the next morning.

When we told our friend, he was kind of weird about it but said okay. So we left and checked in to our hotel.

The next morning we called to see what time our friend wanted to meet up. He seemed mad and he couldn’t hang out and that his mom and dad flipped out at him for letting us go to a hotel and said we “didn’t appreciate their hospitality”.

So we ended up just doing our own thing for the weekend and not seeing our friend at all. Our friend texted us today (Monday) saying he was really angry that we couldn’t have slept apart for two nights just to make his parents happy, and that we won’t be invited to Friendsgiving this year (he hosts for our high school friend group every year).

So are we the AH for leaving and getting our own place?

Have been married 15 years. I am the main breadwinner and have been for our entire marriage. I have gone back to school multiple times and worked my way up the ladder from the bottom and I now make pretty good money, though we’re not rich by any means. My spouse has had some decent jobs, but in the past several years has started coasting and unfortunately gone backwards. He’s not making very much, enough to cover less than 1/4 of our monthly basics.

Here’s the thing…we had a convo about him needing to save more for retirement. I am currently on track but it’s still on the low side with inflation. He agreed he wasn’t saving nearly enough, and we have maybe 10-15 years to set aside as much as possible. Instead of him looking for a better job (he is middle aged making just over minimum wage), starting a side hustle, or spending less…he just started moving a few hundred dollars every month from our joint account to his 401k. Because it’s “our money.”

He got a brand new truck last year that I cosigned for and used $15k from our joint savings as a down payment. He spends frivolously. He doesn’t go without. Doesn’t really budget. Doesn’t do our taxes or understand how our household operates.

I feel like I am not only financing his everyday, but his post-work life as well. If he wants to keep living the same lifestyle in retirement, he’s gotta help me pay for it. Am I the asshole for setting a boundary at his retirement?

For context, my brother is 19, and is diagnosed with autism and learning disabilities, meaning he doesn't communicate in any form other than repeating things from TV, and doesn't understand much socially. I've not once had a conversation with him. I've grown up with everything revolving around his needs and demands, from going home from school early as a kid to get him, to listening to him shout every two minutes at home daily. Since I've spent all my life around it, it doesn't particularly bother me.

Recently, since he's an adult, the laws in my area mean that if he was taken into hospital, and then a mental hospital, he'd be out of reach from my parents and anything could happen. With him being prone to stripping in public during meltdowns, it's likely. My mother constantly seems stressed from looking after him.

I dislike him because he's inconvenienced my life so much, I cannot go out and see friends at all, I cannot say certain words or he'll shout and throw things, I cannot tell him to stop making noise or he'll do it more. My parents abide by his every demand because they can't argue with him. One night it simply got too much, and during an argument I told my mother that I hate my brother. She still asks for me to accommodate everything for his needs. AITA and what do I do?

My friend is staying over for two nights, today is the first night. 

I hate smoking with a burning passion (cigarettes, e cigarettes , it’s all the same to me). I told her specifically she couldn’t smoke at my house. I even asked her not to smoke in my staircase when she first tried to and told her to smoke outside instead. 

After we went to sleep (she’s sleeping in my living room), I had to get up before falling asleep to go to the bathroom and smelled that she had smoked inside my bathroom. I asked her and she tried to deny it, kept insisting she didn’t, but finally gave in, admitted it and said sorry. 

Am I overreacting? I really don’t want her to stay the second night anymore.

EDIT: because in my native language they're both called smoking, but she was vaping an e-cigarette. But to me it doesn't make a difference. I am equally scared of them both cigs and e-cigs

A little background - I have OCD, most pronounced is my contamination OCD. I have avoided close contact with people for years. I almost never invite people over. This is the first time I even let someone stay at my house, it was a huge huge step for me, but I wanted to start living a more normal life little by little.

I made sooo so much effort to host her. I bought all new beddings, mattress cover, pillows, duvet, sheets, etc. I washed and dried all the bedding for her, I washed a new set of PJs so that she has something fresh to change into after showering. I bought groceries for those two days, made her a really nice dinner the first night

Before having her over, I was taking care of my sick puppy, I had virtually no sleep and was competely exhausted. I took my dog to my parents for these couple days while she’s staying over. And all the fatigue and released stress just came flooding. I was finally going to get a good night sleep, but now I cannot fall asleep anymore because I’m super anxcious and stressed about what happened. Instead of sleeping I had to deal with airing out the smoke - and my OCD just doesn’t let me open a window and leave it at that. I totally start spiraling in situations like that. I also spilled a drink (that she left on the carpet) while trying to air the room+bathroom out, so I had to deal with that too. All this on top of feeling super exhausted after all the stress of taking care of my puppy. I almost cannot handle it now. All this happened at 3 a.m. 

I am very very upset, mosty because I already felt it was hard for me to trust people, and this just reinforced that belief, which I have been working so hard to be better at and open up more. I feel like I just took 3 steps back. 

I am thinking to ask her not to stay the second night as planned. WIBTA? She has some other friends and family in this city

I (29M) was driving through a parking lot while on a hands-free call with my girlfriend (28F). While driving, I saw a girl slowly backing out of a parking spot into the lane I was in.

I saw her well ahead of time, so I slowed down and stopped because I assumed she was just creeping out of the spot to get better visibility before fully backing out. Creeping out slowly is a common thing people do when they cannot see around parked cars.

She was moving very slowly, so I assumed she was just inching forward and would stop once she had a clear view.

After initially stopping, I decided to continue because I thought she had seen me and was done creeping out. She did not stop, though, and backed into my car.

While I was still on the phone, I said, “some dumb girl backed into me,” and exclaimed “ that dumb bitch.”

My girlfriend asked what happened, and instead of asking if I was okay or what damage there was, she immediately started arguing with me about calling the other driver dumb. She said it was an honest mistake and that I should not talk about her that way.

I told her to shut up and hung up because I was trying to deal with the accident and did not want to argue at that moment.

I understand that people make mistakes, but I was frustrated because I had just been hit. I also do not think saying someone did something dumb in the heat of the moment means I literally think that person is a bad person. The driver even told me she had only gotten her license less than two months ago, so she was a very new driver.

My girlfriend thinks I was wrong for insulting the driver and for hanging up on her. I think she picked the wrong time to criticize my wording when I was dealing with the aftermath of an accident.

I guess maybe I could have been less exclaiming but with adrenaline it can be hard to control. For context my gf has been very into feminism and stuff lately with her podcasts and books which I think is cool but it leads her to jump to conclusions too quickly.

I go to this bar to crochet 2-3x per week and usually get 2-3 beers depending on how long I am there. I am enough of a regular there that they start pouring my beer when I walk in and it is in front of me soon after I pick a seat and sit down. I also tip accordingly. It is a sports bars and I know that. I can’t muster up energy for sportsball. They have never cared. Usually when I am there early in the day, sports aren’t playing but it is the World Cup and sportsball seems to be on all day. No issue on my end.

Well today I get to the bar around 3:30pm pacific to drink and crochet. We are in California. I keep drinking and crocheting through the game. Then someone gets pissed off at me because I am not cheering when the US scores. Then they go off on me for taking up a bar seat in front of the TV when I’m not watching. Something I have done many many many times before. I tell him to eff off. Bartender gives me a look. I shake my head to brush it off. He gives me more attitude. Bartender gives me another look. I nod this time. Dude gets kicked out.

Not the end of it. Apparently his friends are pissed off he gets kicked out instead of me. Bartender tells them I’m a regular not causing any issues so welcome to stay over them. They shut up and we all continue through the evening. They seem to mostly be pissed off at the fact that I am sitting at the bar in front of one of the 4 TVs not actually watching the game.

AITA for patronizing a bar I go to regularly and not watching the World Cup game? I will be there once the World Cup is over and they won’t.

I am 20F and currently living in an apartment near my university, my older sister is 28 and has two toddlers. About a month ago, she asked if I could watch the kids on a Saturday afternoon so she and her husband could have a date night. I agreed because I love my niece and nephew and didnt mind taking that Saturday away from schoolwork to watch them. However, she has now dropped them off at my apartment for the last 4 Saturdays in a row. She never asks beforehand anymore. She just texts me that she is on her way and leaves them with me for five or six hours. Yesterday, I had a massive biology project due and I also needed to pick up an extra shift at work. When she texted me that she was bringing the kids over, I immediately replied and said I could not take them today. She showed up at my door anyway and said I was being entirely unreasonable because family helps family. I told her she was taking advantage of me and that I am not her free nanny. I closed the door and locked it before she could bring the kids inside. My parents called me later to say I was being cruel to my sister who just needs a break.
AITAH?

My sister (27F) was visiting my wife (32F) and me (33M) the other day.

An important thing to note about my sister is that she has a child (5M) with her now ex-boyfriend (27M). When my sister found out she was pregnant, she told her then boyfriend that she was pregnant. He wanted to marry her in a shotgun wedding of sorts, but my sister said no. The only information she offered up was that there was no way they would be compatible in the long term, and I don't think its any of my buisness to probe or question her about it. Soonly after, my sister and her boyfriend broke up, but they established a healthy co-parenting relationship, and both now have 50-50 custody with stable, well-paying jobs, and live close-by to each other.

My wife strongly thinks that my sister should have gotten married, and hates that my sister refers to her ex-boyfriend as her "baby daddy." I don't think my sister really cares that she had a child out of wedlock, but every time my wife meets my sister, she brings up the fact that she should try to get her boyfriend back and ask him to propose again and asks why she does not want to marry him, especially since my sister has been single these past 5 years. It has gotten to the point that she has told me privately that she is fed up with this and has asked me to speak to my wife about this, which I have.

The other day, my sister visited my wife and I at our house. We were having a normal conversation, and my sister was talking about her son entering kindergarten, and all the ways she was preparing him. The convo seemed pretty mundane, until my wife once again brought up that my sister should try to get married at the courthouse with her ex-boyfriend, and that the other parents would view her as immature and would think of her child as "illegitimate" if she didn't. Before I could even jump in and say anything to difuse the situation, my sister was raging, and said that my wife should "worry about her fat self and losing 100 pounds" before worrying about her child and that "a ring can't hide her triple chin and to worry less about her going to the courthouse and more about the gym."

My wife has always been on the bigger side, and I absolutely love and adore her, but it is one of her biggest insecurities. She ended up sobbing while my sister grabbed her things and left. This whole argument took around two minutes, and I froze up and didn't really know what to do.

After my sister left, my wife asked why I didn't say anything to defend her to my sister. I was honest and said I thought that she was wrong for calling my sister "immature" and her child illegitimate. While I acknoweledged it was wrong for my sister to make the comments she did, I don't think they were completely unprovoked.

My wife is now giving me the silent treatment. So, Reddit, AITA?

I want to start this off by saying I’m only writing on here to vent.
Me (F17) was at a party with my family for the 4th of July. We were in the pool, and the evening was fine so far. An ice cream truck went by, and all the kids had gotten out of the pool and gone to the back of the neighborhood. I bought my ice cream, and they came back. My mother started yelling at me when they came. She was cursing at me, saying if I was going to buy ice cream, it had to be for everybody. She bought the kids ice cream and started yelling at me repeatedly in front of people, basically embarrassing me in front of strangers. She even compared me to my dad’s mom, who used to buy ice cream for my cousins and made me and my sister watch.
I got angry, changed back into my dress, and stayed inside because I needed to cool off. My mother followed me, basically trying to make me talk. I was sobbing uncontrollably (I’m a very sensitive person and cry easily, especially when I’m embarrassed). My mother has a habit of starting fights or arguments with me and then forcing me to kiss and hug her. This is where I might be the AH. I told her I didn’t want to kiss her if I was mad at her, and she got very angry.
I didn’t want to eat because I had completely lost my appetite. I didn’t eat any food that day or yesterday until really late because my stepdad forced me to eat. Then, when I went downstairs to eat, my mother basically started saying things to me and said she would send me to live with my donor. We aren’t close because he was never much of a father to me. I ignored her and went back up to my room.
My mother talked to me once more, and I was tired of arguing, so I took all the blame for the situation and basically made her feel like she was in the right. It’s better to let her win an argument than keep going, or else it gets worse with her. She also said I was being disrespectful and that I should respect her since she’s my mother, but last I checked, respect goes both ways, and she doesn’t respect me either.
So, am I the AH?

I’m F31, and my mother wants to open a restaurant back home, Kenya. We are based in Europe, and she needs my help, so I’m using about 70% of my yearly vacation time to go help her. This won’t be a holiday — I’ll be working. She is paying for my flight, but she also plans to use my checked luggage allowance for her things. The issue is the flight. She wants us to take a flight with a 4-hour layover. I hate layovers because they are exhausting and inconvenient. I found another flight with a different airline that costs the same, but it’s direct and I would arrive earlier. She doesn’t want to fly with that airline and insists I take the same flight as her. She says I’m only thinking about myself and asks why I can’t just sacrifice and take her flight. The problem is that if I take her flight, I’ll also have a layover on the way back, making my journey home to Europe much longer and more stressful.
Am I the asshole for choosing the direct flight and not flying with my mother?

AITA for telling my mom she can’t see the babies?? My husband (32) and I F(30) have a 2 year old and an 8 month old. My husband is the provider while I stay home with the babies. Our 8 month old specifically has been sick 4 times in her short life so far and always ends up getting all of us sick in the house and it’s always after being at my mother’s house. We have tried setting boundaries and told her no kissing the babies then she would still do it anyway. We have also been struggling financially since my husband is a small business owner he is out of work every time he gets sick and we also live off one income which is also difficult in this economy. After this 4th time of getting sick, which we ended up having to go to the emergency room cause our 8 month olds fever was so high and happened to be after we seen her(mother) few days before. we have told her she can’t see the babies for awhile, she needs to respect our boundaries and take this seriously. She then called me freaking out saying I can’t keep her grandbabies away from her forever and babies need to get sick to build their immune system but 4 times in 8 months is ridiculous! AITA for cutting her off from the kids??

Obviously there is a common question in the comments. A lot was left out cause a lot has happened in the last 8 months. All 3 illnesses happened within the first 3-4 months of her being born. She was born in October so we assumed it was just normal flu season. Before we got sick the 3rd time we caught her lying about being sick. When we picked up our 2 year old I seen open flu medicine out on the counter and a trash can full of used tissues. She was actively trying to hold back coughing as well so it was pretty obvious she was sick which i didnt notice in the little 10 second convo we had when she picked him(2 year old) up. My son ended up getting sick a few days later which got us all sick the 3rd time. We decided we needed to set boundaries with her( tell us if your sick and no more kissing) we didn’t see her much basically all spring. We seen her just last month (june) we all went to her house ended up sick a few days later and she didn’t respect the no kissing boundary. We haven’t allowed her to see the kids so has been about a month now. She messaged me today asking for them, i told her no and thats when she called me freaking out.

My sister and her family are currently living in Hong Kong. I recently learned from chatting with my elderly (69 & 69) parents that brother-in-law used my parents address to apply for multiple credit cards. He had also named himself as permanent resident at my parents address on his newly acquired green card. To get his green card, he opened up a credit card under his name using my parents address as a show of proof of residency.

None of these was explained and known by my parents. All these mail in his name just start showing up one day and he requests these to be re-routed back to him.

Furthermore, he started using my parents address to apply for credit cards under his sister's, mom's, brother's, dad's name. All these mail are showing up without notice and consent. I suspect he is using other people's info to grab credit card bonus points and also leave the debt unpaid.

I got quite furious and immediately recognizes that is fraud and will jeopardizes my parents eligibility for Medicaid and SNAP since it will violate the "household" rule.

So, I snapped back and messaged my BIL that he can't do this anymore. I am also planning on reporting to USCIS as soon as possible. My sister is angry at me but I am thinking for my elderly parents' best interests. AITA?

​

About a week and a half ago my wife entered a month long mental health inpatient center in a srare about two thousand miles from our home. About a week in she had to be med-discharged and sent to a hospital. I booked tickets and flew out immediately when I heard after taking emergency leave (we are both military).

My emergency leave is up 3 days later and I need to return back home. Her condition is not life threatening and they are getting her in condition and stable to be released back to the mental health inpatient center, doctors think another couple of days. She was happy to see me when I came, and I really want to stay, but I have no more leave and we have 3 cats that I only gave barebone instructions to my friends about caring for.

I am sitting here at the airport very conflicted. I love her to bits and if she is still struggling I'll fly out on Friday to be back with her, but my leadership and pets need me to return home for the remaining 4 days of the workweek. I would never abandon her, and she said its alright and that she needs to figure everything out (her condition is mostly due to a mental block while eating). She knows I support her, but I can't help but feel like im abandoning her, despite the second she discharges she is back to the mental health center with minimum contact.

I wasn't questioning my decision until the nurse asked why I was leaving so soon and I had to defend myself, I really want to stay if it was a possibility. She made it seem like i was choosing to leave just to leave.

Feeling very conflicted, AITA?

My girlfriend and I moved into a shared townhouse working at at hotel, we have a female roomate. There's two bedrooms both upstairs and one bathroom upstairs and one downstairs.

She agreed we'd have the bigger upstairs bathroom because theirs two of us and she'll take the lower one, but we agreed if she needs to pee in the middle of the night or something she can go for it.

But lately she has been using our bathroom every morning or night to ONLY take shits in the bathroom, then she's goes and showers in her bathroom downstairs. It seems like she is crapping in our toilet, not spraying then going downstairs to use her shower everytime.

How do i even bring this up?!?

Edit: For context, this is the fourth time this has happened, most recently she knew we were away at work, i can home for lunch and heard her quickly run into her room, i went to use the bathroom and it STANK. Immediately after she went down to use the shower like the other times.

I (F27) own a small creative business where I teach classes and also design and make products for my own brand. My boyfriend (M29) is an engineer, but a few months ago he lost his job due to a massive round of layoffs, just as he was finally starting to build his career.

We've been together for seven years, since high school, and we've talked about moving in together. However, he has always wanted to skip renting and wait until we can buy a house, so we haven't moved in together yet. ( we both live with our parents)

Since losing his job, he's been helping me with my business. He's learned tasks that I never had enough time to develop myself, and I genuinely appreciate his initiative. He's even bought tools with his own money that help with the work he does.

For context, I work over nine hours a day Monday through Friday, four hours on Saturdays, and I take Sundays off. Even with those hours, there are still parts of the business I don't have time to handle. I pay all the business expenses myself, and while the business is profitable, it simply isn't large enough yet to comfortably support two adults and the future we both want.

He's been applying for engineering jobs, but so far he hasn't gotten any interviews. While I like having him work with me, whenever I suggest he help with other tasks so I can focus on work that only I can do because of my experience, he gets upset. From my perspective, I'm only trying to make the business run more efficiently.

Today my dad suggested that, while he keeps looking for an engineering job, he could also teach math, physics, or chemistry to earn some extra money. Later, my boyfriend asked me what I thought.

I told him I didn't think it was a bad idea. I explained that while my business makes money, it isn't enough to comfortably support both of us, allow us to move in together, and eventually buy a house. Having a second source of income seemed like a smart idea while he continues job hunting. I also told him I'd love for him to keep helping me because I truly value what he contributes, but I don't think it's realistic for us to rely solely on my business right now.

He got offended and said I didn't value his help and was making it seem like he was wasting his time working with me. I told him that wasn't true at all. I really do appreciate everything he does, and I enjoy working together. I just don't think relying solely on my business is a realistic financial plan if we want to reach our goals.

So, AITA?

I 27 female used to date (fake name) Allison 27 female back when we were about 20. When I was dating Allison her mom opened up to me about health complications and how she almost passed away in 2020 during Covid. We only did it for nine months, but those nine months were very meaningful to me after me and her daughter broke up. I stayed in contact with her. Her daughter was not the happiest about this for the first couple of years. We talked very minimally and when we did, it would be the mom reaching out to me as per a boundaryI said, so it wasn’t every single day we were talking getting together obviously it was more, so hey how are you doing? I hope you’re doing well. Let’s meet up for drinks and that would probably be maybe two times a year anyway fast forward to the present. Allison‘s mom passed away and her husband knew I was still in contact with her because I was in contact with him as well. The only person I wasn’t in contact with this family was my ex and that was because we both moved on pretty quickly after our relationship. We got into other relationships with other people pretty quickly. Allison does not want me at the funeral, but the husband does. I’m not going to be bringing my wife to this out of respect, but Allison did text me and said “I don’t want you there. You don’t have a place in my family.” Obviously that hurts a lot, and I want to respect her, but the husband is really insisting on me coming.

So that leads me to my question, will I be the asshole if I go to the funeral?

EDIT: The husband is Allison Biological father

I (23F) am engaged to my fiance (25M) who we'll call Noah for only a month now. I've always been excited for my wedding so I wanted to start planning right away. We are also getting married in October so I don't want to run out of time. Anyway, into the real part of this post. So my step dad, we'll call him Sean, has been with my mom since I was around 5-6. I have an @busive and drúg @ddict biological father (we'll call him Robert), but he is not in my life and has not been since I was 3. We live in Texas with him and we moved back to my mom's home town to be around family to help my mom with me and my older brother and sister. So the person I want to walk me now the aisle is my uncle Jack (fake name again ofc), I have since I was 12 years old. He has always been my best friend and he lived only 15 minutes away from me, my whole life. He also took me to school activities as my "father" multiple times. I have never really liked my step dad. He makes my mom seem miserable and his mood will determine hers. He hated my mom's family and still does. Uncle Jack is my mom's little brother and my stepdad has never liked him either. Sean is a really reckless driver and angry easy and will yell when he's mad. He was never @busive or anything. Him and my mom got married in 2022 and Sean has been married and engaged prior to this, my mom was only engaged to my bio dad. Anyway, I have always been nice to Sean for my mom's sake. Sean, knowing my siblings and I have really bad trauma and abandonment issues, have left without warning, left and went to live with his brother for around a month each time and my mom and I have gotten close to divorce. He also has a daughter from his first marriage who gets special treatment and is his angel baby of course. I have talked to Noah and he told me he'll support whatever decision I make. I have yet to mention this to Sean and my mom, but I told my sister (MOH) and my brother (Best man because Noah and him are best friends) and they think I can do whatever at my wedding. I don't think my mom will react poorly, I think she'll tell my step dad before I'm ready though, since he deserves to know. My mom is also in the wedding and might be doing a mom and dau dance with her too, along with a dance with my uncle Jack I'd go through it. Anyway, am I the Jerk for not wanting my stepdad to walk me down the aisle or dance with me at my wedding? Please let me know in the comments.

I’ve posted this a few times on other subreddits but I’m really wanting a broad spectrum of opinions to best know how to help ;)

Hi! All names and some details changed for privacy, So I’m a school counselor at a high school and I have this one student who I’ve been supporting since her junior year I’ll call her Millie (18F) and she’s a senior, she’s in a music class and has been for a few years and she talks bad of herself to the teacher in that class (40sM) who I’ll call Mr. Smith a lot, like she approaches him after class and starts insulting herself (“I’m bad at this, “Do you hate me?” “Everyone here hates me”) that type of thing

I’ve been working with Millie and Mr. Smith to work out a plan and Mr. Smith expressed that Millie’s insulting herself really upsets him and stresses him out and she’s yelled and screamed at him a few times (He didn’t even write her up or tell me, Millie told me expressing that she felt bad for it) and I told Mr. Smith that when Millie approaches him after class talking bad about herself to disengage meaning like not really respond to what she says and I told him to walk away from her but he doesn’t want to do that because he thinks that’ll make her angrier

I framed it to him like a toddler throwing a tantrum and in addition I gave him these papers to write for her after class of what she did good to give her a tangible way because I feel like it wasn’t sticking in her brain when he reassures her she’s doing good, and we had a meeting to discuss the plan and I told Millie why it seemed like he was not responding to cries as much and she flipped out and saying she doesn’t need to be treated like an infant and I feel bad I just wanted to help :(

Millie also has no father figure in her life either and has asked for hugs a few times from him he has given her one twice but the third time gave her a fist bump