r/AmItheAsshole

HEEEEELP. I know teenagers are naturally rebellious, but this is making my hair go grey.

My (41F) daughter (16F, we'll call her Sierra) is on the spectrum and has ODD. She's been angry at the world since she was born. She didn't cry as a baby, she just SCREAMED. There was no medical reason, just anger. And not much has changed since then. (I do have 3 other children so I do have a baseline LOL!) Her last meltdown was a week ago when we took her phone away for one day... she wailed for 4 hours straight.

Yes, she is in therapy and has tried a plethora of different medications. She also has worked with social workers, special education teachers, autism specialists, psychiatrists, even a work-readiness program. Her stepdad (45M) and I are doing everything we can to help her navigate a difficult journey.

Like many autistic kids, Sierra has always struggled with social relationships. So she's turned to online friendships (at the encouragement of her therapist). Her "best" friend (we'll call her Amy) is 12 (which is about the social developmental level my daughter is at), and lives 1500 miles away. They FaceTime CONSTANTLY (there really isn't a chat history for us to check in on, so we just try to supervise as best we can without being intrusive).

Amy wanted to come visit last summer, and had told Sierra that she'd gotten her mother to agree to fly out with her. Obviously that fell through. We think it was just a fabrication.

This brings us to yesterday, when Sierra found out that her favorite singer (Mico?) is going on tour. Amy convinced her mom to purchase VIP tickets to the concert where they live, and even offered to purchase Sierra a plane ticket to fly out there. ALONE. Her stepdad and I both told her we weren't comfortable with the situation, and we've gotten PAGES of angry messages from her, and she won't even speak to us in person.

We got the mom's phone number and are going to contact her today. If she's the one encouraging this, we think she's the AH here. Right?

But am I being overly cautious? Am I preventing her from having a good social experience that she can learn from? It hurts to be hated so much by a human that you're just trying to help and keep safe. I'm so tired. Do I just ride out the storm and accept that when she turns 18 she will probably never speak to me again?

Context:
No, we cannot afford to go with her. Also, her stepdad took her to see this same singer back in October about 2 hours from where we live. She does have a senior trip next spring (which we just put a lot of money toward) where she can get a taste of travel without us.

I asked my husband to take our 19 month old with him this morning to drop my daughter off at school. I asked him so that I could use the bathroom alone. Every time I try to poop my son either screams outside the door or wants to sit on my lap. My husband took him and ran into traffic. Roads closed, trains stuck, etc. Until they were driving for an hour. My son wasnt happy about it and screamed the whole time. My husband gets home and starts screaming that it's not fair to our son that I lock him in a chair in the car for an hour so that I can use the bathroom. He says I'm the asshole because our son shouldn't have to deal with that.

I replied that I guess we can't take our son anywhere anymore since he's noy allowed to be locked up at all. AITA?

For context, my friend Abby and I met our first year of college. Abby had a bf of 2 years. She was very reckless, like no protection, and got pregnant her second year, and when she told me, she said she wanted to drop out. I told her if she dropped out her life would be over, her parents aren't wealthy. I suggested termination or adoption. Her and I got into a huge fight because she said I was elitist, claiming that her mom is middle class without a college degree. Her plan was to drop out and have her boyfriend graduate, and he would get a good job. I even told her to do it online and she refused and said college isn't the only path to success. I eventually apologized to be there for her because she had enough going on and I didn't want to add to her stress.

After the baby was born, her and her boyfriend broke up, and he got to get his degree while she has no degree. He pays child a little support. But she has one income and has trouble dating this age. She is not impoverished, but with the way the economy is she is in a lot of car debt and credit card debt. To be fair, a lot of this was just bad decisions like buying a 70k car as soon as she got a job, when she makes less than that in a year. I am not judging and I don't care what people do but it is context for what happened.

When I finished my masters my family pooled money to buy me a home, this is very common in our culture. I also still drive the same paid off Lexus I've had since high school. I have a nice job and I'm pretty comfortable financially and have a lot of investments. I'd say about 75% of my disposable income goes towards travelling with my boyfriend. I don't ever brag about travelling to Abby because it is a sore spot since she has never left the country and would always say she wanted to travel after college, but this was before the baby. Abby and I were getting lunch one day and she asked what I am doing over the summer. I told her my boyfriend and I were going on a trip, and she asked where, I replied we were going to Bora Bora. I tried to downplay it a little, and she kept asking more and to show her the hotel since she wants to go, for her honeymoon to be if she gets married again (I never knew that). I showed her and she googled the price of the hotel and started laughing at me, saying I was blowing through money like an idiot. I told her I saved for it and she was like 'All of us are struggling with gas prices and inflation nowadays and that I'm dumb to be wasting money like that'.. she just kept going on and on and on about how bad the economy is and that 'I don't live in the real world' I told her that not everyone is struggling and that she needs to stop because I would never make the decisions she did. She is now telling mutual friends an exaggerated story about how I am said she should have got rid of her baby. I never ever would say that, I love that kid, but everyone has been texting to ask what happened. I was talking about her financial decisions not her kid.

EDIT: guys I know I am privileged, a lot of people are misconstruing how my culture is to mean I’m filthy rich. I’m upper middle class at best.

For context: bro owns 3 rental properties. Unexpectedly, moved to another state for a serious relationship. comes home only when he needs to travel for work which is once every few months.

I live about 20+ minutes 1 -way from all his properties.
As a result, he asks me to do favors for them.
only paid me once when I made a sarcastic “you’re welcome”’ comment when he didn’t even say thank you for spending my whole afternoon helping out .

Lately I felt overwhelmed .
I’ve been asked to :
-Drop in the apartment to check on it during winter storm
-let in cleaners, wait for them to finish and lock up after them at 7am on my day off.
- set up some new blinds.
-give the keys to the tenant when it’s time for them to move in.

I know once the tenant moves in the end of the month it will probably calm down. But once a tenant ends their lease this will probably start all over again because he still has 2 other properties.

He’s my brother. We’re not bestfriend close but we’re close enough to help each other and work together to take care of our elderly parents. He gave me $10,000 for a down payment and helped secure me get double grants for my first condo. I appreciated it and feel like I owe him. But at the same time it feels so unfair..

I’ve recently suggested getting a lock box which saved me a trip here and there. but there’s certain situations he wants me to still go in person.

I just feel sick to my stomach . He’s not the easiest person to talk to and he’s very stubborn and all he sees is $$$. So when I suggested selling his place he got upset.

Checked into an Airbnb yesterday. Before I touched anything, I did a slow walkthrough of every room with my phone, narrating any existing damage I noticed.

Sent the video to the host immediately with a polite "Just want to flag a few existing issues so they're documented before my stay."

Host replied: "This is incredibly insulting. I've never had a guest do this. You clearly don't trust me."

My GF says I went too far and sounded paranoid. Two friends say it was smart because last year a host charged me $400 for a stain that was already there.

AITA?

I have a gaming PC in my office with a Liam Li case that has two light up fans in the front. I was outside in the evening with my kids and my neighbor was walking his dog. He inquired about lights he has seen from my window and I did notice I could see the glow of the lights from the road. My office is on the second story and there are no streetlights.

I said it was my PC and that it had some lights. He replied that it gave the wrong impression in the neighborhood so now whenever I'm gaming at night I'm wondering who is looking through my window at me lol.

Is he nuts or does being able to see glowing lights from a house window give the wrong impression?

My family receives support from a family fund service because of my autistic sister. They gave my mum £300 specifically for a day out for us at Thorpe Park.

My mum has a history of gambling and budgeting problems, She has gambled away her half of the rent many times and had to borrow from family members. so after the money came in her and my Dad actually asked me to hold onto it because I’m “not supposed to give her any if she asks.” The first time the fund paid the money to her directly, she spent it and said it was for bills, but when I checked her bank (she gave me access to monitor spending) there were many gambling transactions. My dad later got some back pay and replaced the £300, and this time it was given straight to me to keep safe for the trip.

Today my mum asked me for £90 from the Thorpe Park money to buy clothes. I said no because I’m genuinely worried the money will disappear again and the trip won’t happen, I’ve been looking forward to this trip for ages. She also said she would “pay it back tomorrow” from money she’s expecting from market research. I told her she could just wait one day and buy the clothes then instead of borrowing from the trip money and replacing it later, but she got angry and escalated things instead.
She started shouting and swearing at me, called me names, said I was controlling and stealing from her, and tried to cancel the tickets. She later said she couldn’t cancel them but then told my sister to take her friend instead of me. She also is now saying that she never agreed to hand the money over to me and that she only done so because she felt controlled to by me and my Dad.

I feel awful because it’s my mum and technically the money was originally given to her, but at the same time I was specifically trusted to stop the money being spent on other things. AITA?

My MIL seems to have some kind of technical problem with a password login. My wife has already gone over once this week to try and fix it (unsuccessfully) and now MIL is pressuring her to come over again to give it another shot.

After suggesting to do it tomorrow MIL replied that she's away tomorrow and to "just leave it then." following it up with "I'll remember this next time you need help, like pet sitting" and that my wife is being complicated and difficult.

This is where my wife showed me the chat log and asked me what to do. We discussed for a bit how MIL didn't ask me or any of her sons about this. (which I think I would if this were so important for me) and our conclusion was that this was more about getting my wife to "dance" yfor her than actually solving the problem and so the problem was how to deal with the social situation more than the technical problem.

I asked if I should take over and my wife agreed. I send MIL a message that I didn't appreciate her putting so much pressure on my wife when there were other - more technically inclined people she could be asking and asked what the problem was. To this she replied "No problem. Forget it."

I tried to prompt her again saying that it sounded important to her and I could do more than offer help.

Since then I haven't heard anything else from MIL but my wife fears I have escalated the situation and fears emotional reprisal wondering if she should reply to her mom with *something*.

IMO this is about "boat steadying" as my wife volunteered on her own that her mother never does this sort of thing with any of her other kids (at least those who haven't cut contact with her). I see this as a blatant manipulation attempt but - something my wife has been transparent about having been a long standing tradition - but of course I recognize that, no matter who's at fault, it's the person I love who now has to sit through the uncomfortable tension. And obviously I may very well be wrong in my assessment.

So, Am I the Asshole here?

(Everything in this post occurred in a different language but I've done my best to translate both the actual phrasing as well as the tone without blowing the post up with a literal play by play.)

My mom went out of town and her dog sitter ghosted her after dropping them off at the airport. She texted me in a panic saying the dogs couldn’t be alone because they need meds, food, walks, etc. I immediately rearranged my life to help her.

I told her I could go that night, stay late, come back early the next morning, and be there during the day. I also had an important interview and had barely slept for multiple nights in a row. Still, I agreed to help because she sounded desperate. My partner would be coming with me because she has 4 dogs that needed to be walked.

At first she was super grateful and telling me I was “the best.” But later, when I told her I needed to go home that night to sleep in my own bed and take my partner home (who had work early), she completely flipped on me.
I told her that I’m allowed to revise my promises if it causes me suffering and to pull herself together.

She started saying things like:
“How are you gonna do this to me?”
“I feel so stupid and betrayed.”
“I’m your mom.”
“I’ve done NOTHING but support you for years and years.”

I told my mom to pull herself together and that I’m allowed to revise my promises.
What hurts is that I was still helping her. I was literally on my way there while she was saying this. I just couldn’t stay overnight every single night because I was exhausted and running on almost no sleep from graveyard shifts.

I understand her being stressed about the dogs, but the guilt-tripping and emotional escalation made me feel really manipulated. It felt like the second I couldn’t meet 100% of her expectations, all the appreciation disappeared.
She also hasn’t answered my questions as far as how often to feed them and when she is coming back home.

Am I overreacting for feeling hurt by this?

I (26F) live in a very small apartment with my boyfriend. Recently there’s been tension with his mom because in the past when she was having pain issues or needed help, I let her sleep in our bed a couple times while I took the couch or figured something else out.

The issue is that I honestly hated it the whole time but I have a really hard time saying no to people because I don’t want to hurt feelings or seem rude. I also have anxiety/OCD issues around personal space and my bed feels like my “safe space.” I’m only really comfortable sharing it with my boyfriend.

Recently the topic came up again and I finally admitted I’m not comfortable with anyone else sleeping in my bed anymore. Apparently this really hurt her feelings and now things feel tense. Keep in mind I was not at home while she was sleeping in the bed and only my boyfriend was there. He told me casually on the phone that she wanted to try the new bed we had just gotten a couple weeks ago out which I thought was weird. I also admitted I felt overwhelmed because our apartment is tiny and I don’t get much privacy or space to decompress. She also sleeps over at least twice a week and I find this very strange but she mostly takes the couch and this is the only recent time where she used the bed.

There was also a money related situation where I agreed to giving her $1000 even though I wasn’t comfortable because I felt pressured in the moment based on how she asked me. But then I ended up changing my mind because I didn’t feel comfortable. I communicated all of this to my boyfriend and he told her I didn’t feel comfortable even though I wanted to be the one to tell her. She ended up leaving the apartment crying. I ended up bottling up a lot of feelings instead of communicating clearly from the beginning which I know is partly on me.

I sent her a long message apologizing for how I communicated things and explaining it wasn’t personal and that I do care about her but she never responded and ignored the message. Now I’m wondering if I handled this badly or if my boundaries were reasonable.

AITA for not wanting anyone else sleeping in my bed and needing more personal space?

After a long year of thinking about whether or not to raise my kids in southern Italy, my wife ( who’s Northern European) and I decided that the best thing for them, and for us too, is to move abroad to a country where we lived years ago.

The only thing left to do was tell my parents. My kids are their only grandchildren, so I already had a pretty good idea of how they’d react.

My dad: sad, but understanding.

My mom: shut down into complete, grave-like silence.

My sister: went off on me, saying I’m selfish, that I don’t care about the family, that my parents only have them as grandchildren and I’m taking away the one joy they have left.

I get it. I wasn’t expecting them to jump for joy.

What really pisses me off, though, is that they didn’t even try to understand why. Maybe their son is half-depressed because there’s absolutely nothing for him in this shitty little town. Maybe his wife is doing even worse because she can’t integrate here. Maybe we want to give our kids a future, and not make them deal with the fucked-up culture people have around here.

Their happiness comes first, as always.

So, AITA for moving abroad with my kids, knowing it will hurt my parents?

My wife and I are both in our early 30s. We have been together for about 10 years and married for about a year.

We often argue about money and her family. In her family, it seems normal to be very generous, refuse money, pay for others during outings, or treat reimbursements as gifts. I am not against helping family and I do not want to count every cent. But I see a difference between deliberately giving a gift and automatically paying with shared money.

One example: we have bees and produce honey. My wife’s mother sometimes sells our honey to her coworkers. My wife says her mother should just keep the money. I find that strange because it is our honey, our work, and our costs. I would have no issue gifting her honey or saying, “You can keep the money this time.” But I do not think the money should automatically become hers just because she sold it.

If I pick something up for someone in her family for around €30–40, I see that as something to be reimbursed unless we agreed it was a gift. My wife thinks that in a family, this can simply be gifted.

Once, her family helped us while we were away. Their expenses were around €25. Shortly afterwards, they gave us a money gift. My wife still transferred them significantly more than their actual expenses. To me, it felt like she was trying to “pay back” a gift immediately.

Another time, we looked after an older family member from her side for two days. We bought small items, brought food, and drove there several times. Direct costs were around €40–50 plus driving. Afterwards, that person offered to invite us for coffee and cake. I would have accepted because it was voluntary. My wife did not want to, so we paid for ourselves.

At a family outing with several adults, we ended up paying the entrance fees for everyone, even though it had not been clearly discussed as our invitation. Later someone else covered a small thing, but it did not feel proportional.

There was also a larger family gift where we were expected to contribute more. Someone much closer to the recipient contributed much less. The recipient is not financially worse off than we are, so I found the expectation difficult.

My wife says I am being stingy and that “this is how family works.” She also says that if you suggest an activity, you should be prepared to pay for everyone. I disagree. To me, “Do you want to do something together?” is not automatically “I am paying for everyone.” An invitation should be clear.

I am fine with generosity when it is conscious and agreed upon. What bothers me is when shared money, shared products, or shared work are treated as automatically available for her family, while accepting voluntary invitations or reimbursements feels almost forbidden.

AITA for wanting reimbursements to be allowed, voluntary invitations accepted, and larger gifts or money decisions involving shared resources discussed beforehand?

UPDATE: it's been about a week and a half, and I've finally gotten everything sorted out. The process took longer than I thought because it had been a holiday weekend, mother's and my mom's birthday shortly after.

After careful consideration and reading all the replies, I decided I needed to start separating myself from the situation asap, I didn't want to be on a lease that had me liable for damages while I'm not there, all that stuff everyone was saying. I spent the week calling the townhouse office, and the utility company explaining everything that had happened. Honestly, I was expecting the entire process to be stressful, complicated, and full of arguments but surprisingly, everything went much smoother than I thought it would.

The utility representatives I spoke to were actually really understanding and patient. They cancelled it all within the week, and my brother arranged to have his own set up after it ended. And as for my name on the lease, we had me sign to be taken off it without issue, turns out my brother and his gf are fine on their own I guess.. Not my problem. I had spent the whole night after my first post anxious thinking I was going to end up trapped in contracts or financially responsible for things connected to a place I wasn’t even allowed to live in anymore, so having everything handled calmly was honestly a huge relief.

The only thing that ended up being more complicated was the phone plan. Since the phone account was under my name and had financing attached to it, I originally planned on removing his line completely too. At first I was frustrated enough that I just wanted everything disconnected immediately. But after talking things through more calmly, we ended up coming to an agreement instead. The phone stays active as long as he continues making the payments on it himself and keeps up with the bill. It took a bit more discussion and figuring things out than the utilities did, but eventually we found a solution that worked for both of us without it turning into another fight.

In the end, there wasn’t really any screaming match or dramatic fallout like I expected. It was mostly just disappointing and sad. Everything was handled a lot more smoothly and maturely than I thought it would be

We decided to stay in good terms, even after all that happened I had alot of time to think about why he did what he did, as shitty as it was to me. He apologized, he promised to help me with anything in the future, and I definitely won't be doing this kind of stuff for him again either.. Sorry it's not that eventful of an update 💔

AITAH? My girlfriend of seven years moved out this year because she wanted to experience living on her own, and our relationship was already going through some difficulties. She has a small dog that has severe anxiety and barks all day when she is gone at work. My girlfriend wants me to take in the dog five days a week so she can go to work. I am hesitant because we are constantly breaking up, and she technically broke up with me for saying I needed time to think about this request. I also feel like part of the experience of moving out is dealing with your own issues, like a barking dog. She cussed me out, called me a selfish asshole, and broke up with me again for not immediately agreeing to watch her dog while she is at work. I have a house, so it is not an issue if the dog barks all day. I told her I wanted to think about it before giving her an answer since I know it would be at least a four-month commitment.

Hello everyone, this is my first time posting here, sorry if grammar or the writing itself is bad!

Okay, so to start, I(18F) have a best friend, I’ll call her Sydney(18F). I recently graduated and she actually graduated last year a year early. We’ve been friends since 5th grade where we went to the same school. But around 7th grade, she moved to a different school in the state and I moved to a different state, but thankfully, it never affected our friendship, even if our time spent together became less and less frequent.

Well, she mostly comes to my house, as her family isn’t really in the best of situations and her mom’s boyfriend is an ass. Last Monday, she told me she had something important to tell me, but refused to tell me until we met in person.

She came over on Friday and I asked her what was so important that she had to wait. Sydney went quiet, and kinda just smiled at me. That’s when I noticed she had an Air Force bag and I asked if she joined the Air Force. She confirmed and told me she was leaving sometime in June for Boot Camp.

I was happy for her, proud even. She had told me a while ago she wanted to join. I hugged her, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t cry.

After she left on Sunday, I told one of my other friends, I’ll call her Diana(18F). I admitted to Diana that while I was proud and happy for Sydney, as it’s what she’s wanted for a while, I was sad that she had to leave and wish she didn’t join if only not to leave me. I told Diana I knew it was selfish and I wish I didn’t feel that way.

Diana blew up. Diana told me I was being an ass for not supporting Sydney and that I was being selfish. I was a little taken aback by her blow up. I know I was being selfish for my feelings, but I didn’t think I was being an asshole, because I am proud of Sydney and I’m excited to go to her graduation down in San Antonio.

So, AITAH?

Hey Reddit, this is my first ever post, and I love to read stories on here. I just fell into a little situation and wanted to make a post since I am really bothered about what is going on. For a little context, my boyfriend and I go to community college, and we both graduated in the same year of high school. I finished my associate's degree a semester early and decided I did not want to go to my graduation and just pick up my diploma from my school. My mom was a little sad about that, but I told her it does not feel like a big deal to me since I did not go to a prominent college, I don't care about the degree I have since I chose a different career path at this point, and I do not want to sit through hours long of a ceremony.

My boyfriend is graduating, and it happens to be at the same time I am on a solo trip. I have planned this out-of-state trip since December, and it is now May. I constantly asked him to let me know his information, and I will gladly come back for his graduation since I am only a couple of hours away. The graduation date changed from Friday to Thursday (when I am writing this). Friday, I was supposed to drive back home, and so I was planning to go to his graduation later that day, but now, since it is a day early, I will drive back home, then back to my Airbnb in the state I am visiting. We talked about it before I left. I told him on and on how proud I am of him, sent him huge sweet paragraphs, and told him it is no big deal to drive back and see you. He told me he didn't get a ticket for me, only his family members, since I was going to be away and didn't think I'd want to come back because I have had this trip planned for a long time, and I just got a new job and have been insanely stressed out, so he was happy for me to have time away and relax.

Here is the problem. I woke up in the middle of the night and saw a text from my boyfriend saying that his mom and her sister were throwing shade at me and saying I was weird for going on a trip alone and missing his graduation. I was very shocked because I thought his mom and I had a good relationship. I really love her, and she is very sweet and kind and has been nothing but nice. This really bothered me cause I don't think she knows the full story. My boyfriend is very vague and quiet, and I will come back with updates because that is all he texted me last night, with no details, and he is still asleep right now. Mind you, he does not even want to go to his own graduation; his mom is essentially making him, but he does not want to go for the same reasons as I, except he is proud of his degree, but a ceremony just does not matter to him. If he had more of a choice, he would have just picked up a diploma from school, but he is a great son, so he will do it even if he does not want to. At this point, I couldn't even go without a ticket, but I asked if it was going to be livestreamed or something. Am I the asshole for not going to my boyfriend's graduation?

My hubs and I travel for his job in our 5th wheel trailer, from California, and have gone as far as eastern Colorado, 19 hrs from home. We’ve been living this life for about 3 yrs. We’re on a job call right now that is coincidentally only an hour away from both our home towns where both our families all reside. We were stoked to get this call and the first couple months we were driving home allll the time. Day trips, weekend trips, just to run home and say hey if he had a random day off and make the trip back same day. We’re about 7 months in and just getting burnt out even though it’s only an hour, (67 miles, a little over an hour actually)
There’s been a few events the last couple months we skipped bc it’s simply just getting to be a lot, a lot of gas, a lot of wear and tear on the vehicles, and a lot mentally lol. It’s a whole damn process even just going for a day trip. We’re grown, we have routines, we enjoy a slow weekend here and there just as much as the next person. This has upset a couple family members that we’ve passed up events. They refer back to when we were 19 hours away and tell us we should be grateful we’re only an hour away and that it’s easier. Mind you , not one person (except for my parents) have come to see us ever. Not when we were 19 hrs away and not when we’re an hour away. Are we the assholes??

AITA for refusing to drop everything for my family after being the one they always rely on?

I’m the person everyone calls when something goes wrong. I’m always there for family and friends, especially two people in my life who constantly need emotional and practical support. I listen, help financially when I can, rearrange my schedule, and pretty much put everyone else first without complaining.

Recently I’ve been struggling mentally after going through a really difficult personal loss. I haven’t properly processed it because I got thrown straight back into work due to being understaffed. I’ve basically been in survival mode carrying grief, guilt, responsibility and everyone else’s problems all at once.

The problem is nobody really checks in on me the way I do for them.

This week I finally said no to helping with another family issue because I genuinely felt drained and emotionally exhausted. Instead of understanding, one family member said I was being selfish and acting differently lately.

Now I feel guilty because they’re used to me always showing up no matter what, but at the same time I’m starting to resent the fact that people seem comfortable leaning on me while ignoring when I’m struggling.

AITA for stepping back and choosing myself for once?

I work in a specific field of environmentalism with a large crew of people however my department is deliberately understaffed & lack resources like vehicles. Alot of our duties are set up and monitoring so mornings and at the end of they day we are rushing to complete everything that needs to be done and technically we are supposed to have this done before the rest of the crew can even enter certain areas. Our supervisors show no understanding of these limitations or they don't care. (I have heard from a coworker that attends supervisor meetings that they are so proud how they save so much money on our department) So I'm leaning to they don't care.

I am really busy during these times and keep getting told by all my coworkers to "smile" even when I'm not in a particularly bad mood it turns my mood sour. I had enough one day and accidentally said "Fuck Off" now they won't stop saying I'm never in a good mood.

I know I got a bad case of RBF but why do I have to "smile" I don't work in customer service. It's not in my job description. And I get really tired of being told to do something for them when I really don't feel like it or want to do it and it's not part of the job.

I know I kind of am the asshole for telling them to Fuck off. But am wrong for not smiling at my coworkers more?

My grandmother is openly racist. When my mixed-race daughter was born, I decided not to introduce her to my grandmother. Since my grandparents had been married for over 60 years and were inseparable, that also meant my grandfather would probably never meet my daughter. To me, the fact that he had never challenged my grandmother’s words or behavior amounted to silently endorsing the situation.

For months, no one from that side of the family checked in or tried to meet my daughter.

Then I learned that my grandfather had terminal cancer. I went to see him alone for the first time and found him in a very deteriorated condition. When I got home, I talked about it with my wife, and we decided to go back quickly with our daughter. But my grandfather died two days after my visit, before that could happen.

At the funeral, I felt a huge amount of coldness coming from my aunt and cousins. That same evening, one of my cousins sent me a message saying that my grandfather’s dream had been to see my daughter before he died, that my wife and I were “monsters,” and that I would have to carry that guilt for the rest of my life.

At first, I tried calling, but no one answered. A few days later, once things had calmed down a bit, I wrote to my aunt proposing a family discussion and explaining why I had made that choice: to protect my daughter from a racist environment. I also reminded them that before accusing me of being responsible for someone’s death, they should at least hear every side of the story.

My aunt replied that she completely agreed with her daughter, that the whole family felt the same way, and that they no longer wanted to see me.

I then called my mother (my aunt’s sister) to explain that I refused to carry the moral responsibility for my grandfather’s death or accept my wife being called a monster. After an argument, she eventually implied that she basically agreed with her sister, although she would not fully admit it outright.

Since then, I have cut ties with them. My brothers and father sided with my mother and no longer speak to me either. More recently, my entire paternal family gathered for my grandmother’s 90th birthday without even informing me,

I only discovered it afterward through photos. I feel as though I’ve been erased from the family.

I also recognize that I’m not perfect when it comes to communication: I rarely keep in touch, and that probably contributed to creating distance within the family.