AITAH for suggesting my nephew (the page boy at my wedding) should be dressed like a child instead of an adult.
Original Post: My partner and I are currently planning a black-tie wedding in Italy, and we've hit a major disagreement with my sister regarding our three-year-old nephew, who is our page boy.
For background, I am Black and my fiancé and his family are white.
I initially envisioned him wearing a smart, all-white shorts outfit that would be age-appropriate and comfortable for a toddler in a warm climate. When I suggested this, my sister said no because she was worried he would look like a slave. I was stunned and hurt by that comparison; he is my nephew, a beautiful, kind little boy whom I adore with all my heart, and he could never look like that.
Hoping to move past that and find a compromise, I suggested a tuxedo style, but with tailored shorts instead of long trousers to keep it practical for a three-year-old. She rejected that too, saying she didn't want him to stand out. My perspective is that as part of the wedding train, members naturally stand out, which is the whole point of having a wedding party.
Instead, she is insisting on a full, traditional black-tie outfit with long trousers. I feel strongly that a heavy, formal suit is too mature and uncomfortable for a three-year-old, and I'd prefer him to look and feel like a little boy on the day.
We are completely at an impasse, and I'm left wondering if my vision is unreasonable. AITAH?
Update: Okay guys I need to give context. We are all British so boys under the age of 8 traditionally wear shorts at weddings. I obviously don't want my sister to be uncomfortable and I understand its her child buts its also my wedding and I want a certain look. I don't know what to do at this point.
Update 2: We have decided to scrap the page boy thing. My nephew will be attending as guest which is sad but I can't do this argument anymore. Its annoying. Also as I said to a commenter: People do things for people they love
When she married a man from Ghana, I took my ass to Ghana and wore a Kente. I tried to charm my brother in laws parents (including kneeling to greet elders etc.) to make it easier for her and I wore the ugliest brown dress at the church wedding that I didn't even like and I would do it again because I love her.
Update 3: I don't think she is being racist my fiance because they have met severally and get along well but she has not met his family yet so she is overthinking what things will be like and deeping the race thing too much instead of letting go. They are very nice people and she would see that eventually. It can be scary being the only black person in the space but what if you meet the most amazing people and end up loving them forever and what if fear was the only thing that could have stopped you from making these genuine connections.