AITA for being upset that my childhood best friend won't invite my partner to her wedding despite being her legal witness/maid of honour?
I’d really appreciate some outside perspective because I’m trying to figure out whether I’m genuinely being unreasonable or whether my feelings are justified. And I'm clearly loosing my mind over this situation. I’m going to try to present the situation as objectively as possible.
My best friend (f32) and I (f32) have known each other since we were 3 years old. I’m her bridesmaid and one of her legal witnesses (the one that signed the register, we're two) and her wedding is in two days.
I’ve been with my boyfriend (m29) for almost five months and we’ve been living together for about a month. It's going perfectly well since the beginning, no clash or whatever, we're floating over the clouds and even discussing marriage for ourselves. The bride has known him since 2017. They were classmates and used to know each other fairly well, although they became less close after she moved to the big city. The last time they saw each other was in 2021 when he stayed at her place while he was visiting the city. So he's no stranger, quite a long distance friend.
From the beginning, she decided not to invite him to the wedding because she considered our relationship too recent. I have asked her several times about it but I’m not very good at insisting on things. Eventually, after I raised the issue again because other people had been added to the guest list at the last minute (like she invited MY OWN friends she barely knows to her wedding last minute), she agreed to invite him to the civil ceremony two weeks prior.
The religious wedding itself has around 110 guests.
Very recently, some guests cancelled because of break-ups. As a result, several places became available. Instead of using those places for additional guests, she asked the caterer to reduce the number of meals. And she told me that today.
This is where I’m struggling.
I barely understand that she originally made the decision not to invite my partner because our relationship was relatively new (never have I heard of that among relatives). But I understand that it is her wedding and ultimately her decision who she invites.
But now there are apparently places available and my boyfriend is someone she has known for years. We also live together now. I’m having a hard time understanding why he still isn’t being considered.
There is also a practical issue with accommodation. The wedding accommodation is limited — there are only around nine rooms — and I was given a child's room with a small single bed. She told me there wasn't much space and that I would have to make do. I completely understand the accommodation constraints and my bf and I are perfectly willing to arrange our own accommodation elsewhere, including the dormitory or nearby accommodation. So I don't see accommodation as a real obstacle.
Another thing that makes me uncomfortable is that some couples are being accommodated together. There is even a couple who are invited despite everyone knowing that they have been separated for several months and had actually been broken up for over a year. I’m not saying this to criticize those guests or suggest they shouldn’t be invited ; just to explain why the distinction feels difficult for me to understand.
I also know relatively few people at the wedding apart from her and the people directly involved in the wedding. Having him there would make me feel much more comfortable and would allow me to actually enjoy the event rather than feeling quite alone among a large group of people I barely know.
If there were genuinely no space, budget or logistical possibility, I would accept that. What hurts me is that there seems to be a possibility now but the decision hasn't been reconsidered.
I also feel conflicted because I’m her witness and childhood friend. I’ve been involved in the preparations and am expected to be there and help, to pay for gift, for the bachelorette party, for the dresses, for the brides maid suprises the day of the ceremony and I genuinely want to support her. But I’m finding it difficult emotionally to be fully involved in celebrating her relationship while feeling that my own partner is being deliberately excluded despite there now being room for him.
I don't want to punish her, threaten her or make her wedding about me. I also don't want to tell her that she is a bad friend. I simply feel hurt and somewhat rejected by the decision.
At this point, the wedding is only two days away. Ideally, I would just like my bf to be invited. We would handle the accommodation ourselves if necessary. I'm also considering not going if she still insist of not inviting him because I kinda feel disrespected and I don't see a vision of me celebrating their love when she can't celebrate mine.
Am i the asshole here ?