u/s4dgirlthrowaway

I (29f) am getting married next summer. I’m planning on having a destination bachelorette trip for 3 nights.

DISCLAIMER - I know destination Bach trips are frowned upon, especially on this sub. However, my friends encouraged me to do one so we could have a girls trip. This is not a “mandatory” trip and I’m not guilting or forcing anyone to come (as I’ve seen from stories on Reddit before) I’ve taken into account everyone’s budget and the trip (per person) will cost less than what the lowest budget is. There are no issues with the trip itself or the destination.

9 of my friends/cousins are invited to the trip. Based on everyone’s schedules and my schedule, I narrowed it down to 2 possible weekends. I chose long weekends especially, since I wanted to be mindful of everyone’s PTO time. One option is a weekend about 4 months before my wedding, and the second option is a weekend about 1.5 months before my wedding.

Now here is the issue — I’m pretty set on Option 1 date since it’s far out enough from the wedding and works better for majority of the girls. My birthday is also a month before my wedding and I’m planning on having a large 30th celebration and I think having my Bach so close to my birthday and wedding will be unfair for all the girls — I don’t want to steal so many of their weekends close together. The weather at the destination location is also much better during Option 1 date than Option 2 date. Generally, Option 1 works better for majority of the girls, a couple of them are indifferent about the date.

7 of the invited girls can attend. 1 of my cousins is in med school and can’t take the time off so is opting not to come. 1 of my friends due date is 1 month before Option 1 date. If I go with this option - she will definitely not be able to come. She indicated that she would “try” to make it for Option 2 date and is pressuring me to schedule it for then.

The thing is — she’s extremely flakey. She often cancels regular plans last minute and is not for sure committing to Option 2 date. She doesn’t like leaving her current child for even local dinners we plan as a friend group, so I find it hard to believe she would be okay with leaving her 5 month old and her toddler for a weekend in a different country.

Both my option dates are pretty popular at this destination location because it’s a long weekend so I’d like to start booking Airbnb and flights soon. The other girls indicated they want to do this soon too so by the time the trip rolls around, the only expenses are dinners and outfits and stuff. I told my friend I would switch to Option 2 if she could fully commit to it. She said she isn’t 100% certain but “will try her best.” I very clearly told her option 1 works better for me and most of the girls and it’s better weather so I’d only be switching to option 2 if she could commit for sure.

This has caused tension between us because she thinks I should switch to option 2 and she’ll try her best to come. But it’ll be pretty inconvenient for most people to switch to option 2, and a lot of the activities that we’re planning to do will work better with option 1 weather than option 2. If she can for sure commit to option 2, I have no problem changing it to then. But I don’t think it’s fair to switch to option 2 for a “maybe”, especially given her history with flaking.

I need to make a decision soon as a few of my friends have deadlines of September 1 to submit their vacation time for the next 6 months (which option 1 falls in).

AITA if I go with option 1 knowing that my friend can’t come?

This is long - I’m sorry.

I (30f) am a bridesmaid for “Jessa” (36f). Jessa’s fiance “Jordan” (35m) is bestfriends with my fiance (35m). We all hangout together, go on double dates and generally get along. Jessa and I aren’t particularly close, we don’t have a lot in common and aren’t bestfriends but have no issues hanging out. Jessa asked me (and couple of fiancés other friends wives/gfs) to be bridesmaids as her fiance had a lot of groomsmen, and she didn’t want an uneven number of bridesmaid and groomsmen.

I obliged, I had no issue with this. For some background, this will be my first “white” wedding. I am not white and have never been to a wedding outside of my culture, so this is really exciting for me. Jessa doesn’t have many requirements and is pretty chill for a bride - she simply gave us a color and told us to find a dress in that shade and get it approved from her. I did so, and everything was fine.

The wedding is in September and now there’s talks about hair and makeup. Jessa texted me and let me know that there would be no hair and makeup. I’m an amateur makeup artist and really prefer to do my own makeup, so I wasn’t interested in booking with her artist anyways. I told her not a problem - I have no issues doing my own. She then texted back and said that she is asking me to not have my hair and makeup done. She wants me to be barefaced for the wedding. This was really confusing for me — I’ve never been to any wedding where guests/bridal party have been asked to not wear makeup. But again, I’ve never been to a white wedding so maybe this is something that happens?

I called Maizie (34f) who is also a bridesmaid. She is another one of fiancés friend’s wives and we are much closer. I was telling her about my text exchange with Jessa and she was SUPER confused. She said that Jessa didn’t say that to her at all, and in fact, she was using the makeup artist Jessa’s sisters were using morning of the wedding! Okay, weird. I then reach out to Ronnie (35f)who is another bridesmaid, and also one of fiancés friends gfs. She also said the same thing — Jessa offered her makeup artist to her but she said no and is not paying to get her makeup done. Nothing about a “no makeup” rule.

I didn’t respond to Jessa at this point because I honestly was really confused at what was going on and assumed it was some miscommunication. I told my fiance about it who said it was probably a misunderstanding, and he was going to hangout with Jordan tomorrow as they were going golfing and would see if he knew anything. Weirdly enough, the next day, my fiance is back at 1pm - very odd as golfing is usually a most of the day activity. He tells me that he had mentioned it to Jordan, thinking Jordan probably didn’t even know about this. However — Jordan was FULLy aware. Jordan told him that Jessa doesn’t want ME to specifically wear makeup because she’s worried I’ll “out shine” her, and divert attention away from the bride.

I’m so confused by this. Not that anything’s wrong with eccentric makeup, but I do very simple, in my opinion, good makeup. No heavy eye makeup, mainly neutrals, soft glam and very wedding appropriate. I’ve literally done bridal makeup on my cousin for her wedding a few years ago!!

My fiance told Jordan it wasn’t fair to single out ME and the rule should be for all bridesmaids or none. Jordan agreed but said he couldn’t do much as it was Jessa’s choice and it’s her bridesmaids. Fiance essentially told him that he felt disrespected by me being disrespected like this (which agreed - I feel like this is disrespectful and just weird??) and that we would just be attending the wedding as guests if I had this silly stipulation. This has caused a tiff between him and Jordan.

I know it’s the brides day and we should be listening to her requests, but I find this request specifically towards me to be a bit unreasonable and odd. But I also have never been to a wedding outside my culture and don’t know if this is a normal request and maybe I’m reading too much into it? AIO?

My (30f) bestfriend “Tina” (33f) and I have been friends for almost 15 years.

3 years ago Tina had a child! He is literally the cutest toddler. Naturally, Tina got busier with life and our hangouts got incredibly sparse which I expected as she was a new mom. Tina did also stop showing up for me as much as she did previously. She has canceled plans last minute because her child feels sick and she feels bad having the father watch him, etc. I’ve always been understanding. I’m not a mom so I can’t judge as I don’t know what I would do as a mom in a similar situation.

Tina is also a bit of an anxious mom. Doesn’t really let anyone hold her child, doesn’t bring him to activities (pumpkin patch, Xmas festivals, etc.), and in general doesn’t trust anyone to watch him. Thats okay, completely her decision. I haven’t really been able to bond with her child due to this. We rarely hangout now and when we do, she doesn’t bring her child (completely understandable - she probably wants a night off) I offer to come over and see her and the child but she usually is busy or has other plans, she rarely takes me up on this. I’ve seen her child literally a dozen times since he’s been born, and I don’t really have a connection to him. Tina has said she wants her friends to be involved in his life - which I have tried my best to do. I’ve shown up to every event she has thrown, every bday party, holiday celebration, etc. I feel like out of all her friends, I have made the most effort and I still don’t feel like I even have a relationship with her child.

My partners bestfriends wife “Vee” (33f) gave birth to her son about a year ago. We were not that close at the time but have gotten closer. In the year of her son being alive, I’ve seen him more times than ive seen Tina’s child. Vee will bring him to outings and double dates, she’ll let me swing by her house and say hello, I’m able to hold him and play with him, and in general she has shown up for me alot more recently.

Tina recently announced that she’s pregnant with her second child. And although I’m happy for her - I also just really don’t care too much. I know I’ll barely get the chance to see this child and be involved in their life, and I’ll probably see less of my friend too.

I recently got engaged and I feel like Tina didn’t really care and wasn’t as excited as I’d expect a bestfriend to be. I also recently went on a vacation I had been looking forward to for over a year and she didn’t even really ask about it. I feel like she’s being a shitty friend but I also don’t think it’s intentional.

I feel like an asshole but I also don’t know what else I can do to try to be involved with her or her child. I feel like I shouldn’t be the only one making an effort to be involved in her and her child’s life. I give her grace because I don’t know what kind of friend I will be when I’m a mom - but I also look at people like Vee who despite being a mom, are still able to show up and have an identity outside of it. I feel like I should be excited for Tina and checking up on her pregnancy and such - but I really don’t care too. I know children change friendships - I just don’t know if I should be putting in more effort or doing anything differently.

My fiance (34m) and I (31f) are planning our 2027 wedding. A traditional wedding in our culture is a week of events, the wedding and the reception (on a separate day). Traditionally, the grooms side of the family pays for the reception, which is usually also the event with the heftiest price tag.

My fiance and his family are financially comfortable. My fiance has worked very hard for what he has, he did graveyard shifts as a longshoreman all through university to save a downpayment for his first property. He now owns and manages various properties. I only mention this because he is very humble and worked very hard for what he has now and did not grow up with the same wealth him and his family have now. Our reception is approx 350 guests and will be around 90K.

My bestfriend (30f) recently got engaged and is also planning a 2027 wedding, a couple months after mine. Her fiance (35m) and his family do not have it in their budget for a reception, so they have opted to not have one. This has started to become more common, especially since after Covid since everything is crazy expensive.

Now the problem lies in whenever I discuss my reception with her. My fiance has given me final say in all decisions (decor, menu, entertainment, etc.) Before my bestfriend told me she was engaged and they weren’t going to have a reception - she was very helpful to bounce ideas off and give me input on things related to my reception. However, since she announced her engagement and that she’s not having a reception, she’s made some comments that I think are kind of rude.

She keeps saying how receptions are such a waste of money and it’s stupid to blow so much money on one night. She also has said several times that my fiance is so lucky that his family is paying for his wedding week. This is also not true - he is paying for the reception himself, I’ve told her this as well.

I do not nearly have as much money as my fiance and his family, so my pre wedding events will be smaller and more simplistic. I was asking her a question about a decor company (for my event!) that her cousin had used for her wedding events and she laughed and said that I should choose someone else because [my fiance] wouldn’t like them because they have cheap pricing.

Am I overreacting or are her comments rude? I really don’t want to share anything else with her anymore about my wedding, but she’s also my bestfriend so I don’t know how realistic that is to do.

I am a 2027 bride and am having a traditional Indian wedding consisting of a weeks worth of events. There are a lot of cultural nuances that go into our wedding so I’ll try my best to explain them.

Where I am from, it is VERY hard to get a wedding date at a temple. There are about a handful of temples that usually get booked out 2 years in advance and couples usually start planning their wedding atleast a year or two in advance. There are also only certain days of the week that are acceptable to get married - traditionally it was Friday and Saturday, but now Thursdays are also common and acceptable.

My fiance and I got engaged earlier this year and have been trying to find a temple date for ideally next year. We have certain “restrictions” on what months we’d like to get married. His brother is a school teacher so we’re hoping for a July or August date when schools out (this is a wedding week - so he wants his brother to be able to participate in the entire week). The majority of my side of the family lives in a different country and I have a lot of nieces and nephews in my family so July/August would also work best for me because then all my nieces and nephews would be able to come without missing school and travel is easier in the summer. The weather is also nicer in July/August and some of our pre events are going to be outdoors. But as you can imagine, July and August are VERY popular months (vendors also jack up their prices for these 2 months) so it’s been hard to find a date.

My fiancé’s cousin is getting married in August 2027 so this limits us now to July 2027. Culturally, the older grandson has to get married first. I want to emphasize that his cousin and fiance “S” are completely fine with us getting married one month before them. They are also not even engaged yet and my fiancés family is all local so there’s no concerns about family making it to our wedding and not their wedding. Cousin and S were able to obtain the August 2027 date because it was originally a date held for someone else in S’s family’s - but their engagement fell through and S purchased the temple deposit from them.

Now through some connections, my fiancés mother found a cancellation at a temple for July 11 2027 (fake date). This date works perfectly for both our families and us so we put down the deposit and secured the date.

I recently announced it to my friends to “save the date” as I wanted to give them as much notice as possible. One of my good friends got married last year (2025) on July 11 (fake date). When I shared the news with her she got really upset that I was planning to get married on her 2 year anniversary. To be completely honest, I didn’t even remember that it was her wedding anniversary. I went to 9 weddings last year between June - September so it’s hard to keep track of when was what. I apologized to her and let her know this wasn’t intentional and explained why we went with that day. I also told her that if she has an anniversary trip or vacation planned I would completely understand if she doesn’t come to the wedding. She’s still very upset with me and doesn’t want to “share a wedding date” and is saying I should try to change it and this isn’t “fair” (?) I think this is unreasonable because we have already secured venues for a week’s worth of events and paid nearly 40K in deposits. My friend is also Indian and aware of the difficulty in obtaining wedding dates - she had secured her date in 2023 for a 2025 wedding.

I don’t think I did anything wrong but given how she reacted, I’m second guessing myself and thinking maybe I am in the wrong? She’s pretty upset and I don’t want to minimize or invalidate her feelings.

AITA for choosing the same wedding date as my friend?

I am an August 2026 bride and am having a traditional Indian wedding. In my culture we don’t have bridesmaids, but we have “flower girls” who walk before the bride, each carrying a bouquet of flowers and usually all have the same outfit or same color outfit on. I planned to have 2 “flower girls” - my sister and my SIL, but then decided to include my closest 5 friends. 4 of these friends and my SIL are all Indian, my college friend “J” is not Indian. I asked her if she’d like to be a flower girl, but expressed that she would need to wear a traditional Indian outfit in the chosen color scheme and I’d help her look for one if she needed assistance. This was okay with her as she was planning to buy a traditional Indian outfit for the wedding anyways.

A couple of weeks ago, she asked me to go shopping with her to the Indian stores. We found a beautiful outfit in the color scheme and it was about $250 (this is average for Indian outfits where I live). “J” really liked it but it was out of her budget. I offered to pay for it if she was okay with covering the alterations which my tailor would do for $20-$50 (the waist and sleeves were too loose) We agreed on this - but she didn’t end up buying the outfit that day and wanted to sleep on it. I told her that if she did decide to buy it, I would send her the money for it as I was going on vacation and likely wouldn’t have time to go with her to the shops to pay for it. I also gave her my tailors information.

We have a group chat with all the “flower girls.” SIL and sister have already got their outfits custom made. 2 of the other girls coincidently have the same designer outfit as one another, within the color scheme, so they’re wearing that. 2 of the other girls got their outfits from the local shops. The 2 friends that have the same outfit were sending pics of it in the group chat, as one of them recently wore it to her BILs wedding. “J” asked where it was from and complimented the outfit.

Now, “J” informed me that while I was on vacation, she found the same outfit the other 2 girls have on Facebook marketplace, and bought it. Now she wants me to send her the money for it, but she spent $900! I was confused and asked her why she thought I would pay for it, and she said that I offered to pay for the other outfit if she would cover the alterations. I explained that I offered to pay for that outfit because it was $250 and $900 for her outfit is not in my budget and she should have discussed it with me before buying it. I was also confused on why she chose such an expensive outfit because she likely can only wear it one time.

Now it’s really awkward between “J” and I. I don’t have $900 to spare, especially since the wedding is coming closer and I have to start paying all my vendors, so every dollar counts. I feel bad because “J” is literally never going to wear this outfit again and she bought it specifically for my wedding. But I also feel like “J” should have consulted me beforehand.

AITA for not wanting to pay for it?