r/AITAH

EDIT 2: Thank you all for the great advice! I’ll talk to them and see what they think. There were some great compromise ideas in the comments!

TL;DR at the end

I (20F) lost my dad a couple years ago and inherited enough to buy myself a house. The adults in my life thought it would be a good investment, and he would want me taken care of. But I don’t know what’s socially acceptable when it comes to lawns/neighbors.

The neighbors on either side are family. On my right is the grandmother’s house, on the left is a mom (right house’s daughter), her husband, and their daughter (who is my age). We’re on good terms with one another and frequently do each other favors.

Our only issue is the lawn. Since they own the properties on either side of my house, they want all three lawns mowed down and looking the same. They insisted they mow my lawn too, and after enough convincing, I’ve been letting them lately.

I work at a garden center, and have been constantly expanding my garden since I moved in. I have all the seeds, tools, and advice I could ever need at my disposal. To bring more pollinators to my vegetable garden, help the declining bee population, feed the birds, and create a safe space for the rabbits and squirrels, I want to kill off most of my lawn and plant wildflowers. Not just all over, it’ll be designed into sections with walkways and whatnot.

Would this make me an asshole? Seeds will obviously blow into my neighbor’s yards, when they want grass only. It is my property, but it will affect their lawns.

TL;DR: I want to rip out my lawn and turn it into all wildflowers, but the flowers will inevitably spread to my neighbors’ yards and they want grass only.

EDIT: To answer some common questions…
- My neighbors are very sweet people! I grow produce in my garden for them, and they cook for me in return. They’ve made it clear that I can ask them to stop mowing my lawn at any time, but that they do prefer it mowed.
- To everyone saying “screw them,” I would like to keep a good relationship with them. I was asking if I’m the asshole because I wouldn’t want to be unkind to them and don’t know what acceptable.
- I live in the old, cheap side of town. Many of my neighbors have wildflower gardens, chickens, or unruly front lawns. It’s not against any rules here, just rude to your neighbors, I guess.

I'm 20M and currently live with my mom( shes 39 or 40) . I'm trying to figure out if I'm being unreasonable because I feel like I don't even have a good sense of what's fair anymore.

For some background, my mom has been unemployed for a while and currently owes me roughly $10,000 from money I've lent her over the years. She's been putting most of her effort into starting an AI-based dog cleanup business, and she gets frustrated with me for not supporting it more.

She also just went on a vacation, which is her second vacation while being unemployed. I wouldn't normally care about someone taking a vacation, but it's hard for me not to be frustrated when I'm still regularly helping her financially.

A few days ago, I paid her $800 again for my rent rent. She just told me she couldn't afford the vet bill for our cat because she had just paid rent and bought groceries. I understand that those expenses are real, but obviously the trip she took is a big part too. I paid the 600$ vet bill directly.

The cat is basically both of ours. We've had him since I was around 16. My living situation with my mom has also been complicated. At different points I've lived with my mom, been kicked out and lived with my grandma, lived in the basement with my mom and my ex, and now I'm living with just my mom again.

While she was on her recent trip, I was working for three weeks straight without a day off and taking care of the animals. I didn't keep up with cleaning the litter box as well as I should have, and now the cat is sick. I don't know if those things are related, but I feel guilty about it.

I'm also currently going through a breakup and have been extremely depressed. My current medication doesn't feel like it's enough anymore, and I'm having a hard time keeping up with normal things. I'm still working, but I'm exhausted.

On top of that, I recently paid my uncle $400 to work on my car and still owe him more, and the car is still having problems. It's been giving me issues since I got into a fender bender that damaged it.

My mom also has a 2022 car that she's had for years. She got it during another period when she didn't have a job. Around that time, the car I was paying for ended up being repossessed because she didn't keep up with the agreement we'd made about the payments, despite money I'd previously lent her.

So with all of that context, here's the actual question:

Would I be an asshole for asking my mom to help me with some basic things around the house, like doing my laundry or cleaning my area?

I know I'm an adult and have responsibilities. I'm not saying that because I've given her money, she automatically owes me chores. I just feel completely overwhelmed right now. I've financially helped her for years, recently paid $800 toward rent and the vet bill, took care of the animals while she was on vacation, and have been working constantly while she's unemployed.

I don't want her to take care of me or become my maid. I just want to be able to say, "I'm really struggling right now. Could you help me with my laundry or clean my area?" without being unreasonable.

I also realize that I may be letting my resentment about the money affect how I see this situation.

AITA for asking my mom for some basic help around the house right now?

Edit: ive gotten some comments already, but i worry maybe there's context missing that would change things. Maybe its all my fault and I get a lot more than I think or im better off. I'll answer any questions about context i can if anyone has any, I appreciate it.

I appreciate all your opinions on this situation!

LONGER UPDATE IS BELOW THE ORIGINAL TEXT

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Most of the times I usually only take a bit or two from anything I bake, and my partner and his granny will share the rest. I am not as much into sweets and I literally don't mind. In 9 out of 10 or even more cases I have no problem with sharing anything I bake and I am glad they are enjoying it.

This time my peach sponge cake ended up soooo damn good that I myself ate three pieces right the first day, and I decided I want to keep this one all to ourselves (me and partner) this time. I then simply told him to not ACTIVELY offer or bring this cake up for granny this time, in case she won't explicitly ask for something to have with her coffee (she often has a surplus of these goods from other family members anyway, so we don't have to be so generous with ours this time).

His reaction was:

"Idk what's the fus about, you can bake another cake if you run out of this one. It's not even made from seasonal fruits which I'd get, but these are just canned peaches, and you are acting like I want to give her half of the baking tray, while it's just three pieces."

I told him that he is kinda reducing all my effort and time to make this cake to one single factor which is "canned peaches only" and doesn't think about, I don't know - me maybe not wanting to bake new cake right away, not to mention I'll be working next days?

He led it to ad absurdum and said:

"Well by all means, I can let you have my share of the cake too if it's that of a problem to you."

In this case I am not sure if he wanted to "help" by this suggestion, but it seems more like a passive agressive pouty snark in terms of moral judgment of my perceived greedines or "overreaction" about cake.

It's important to mention that my parter is neurodivergent, so some of these things might come to him in weird way. But I was pretty sure I am in right here, and that he has no say in something he didn't have to move a finger to make. Nor did I him his permission or blessings for it, I simply informed him about my decision. But he somehow approaches situations like he is the one to be judging my decisions, rather that accepting and respecting my wishes as his partner and equal person.

He always wants me to be straightforward with him about things, and is displeased about my walking on eggshells and beating around the bushes, instead of giving him straight clear info right away - but he doesn't seem to get, that he is the one creating the atmosphere that is preventing me to be straightforward with him. It's not easy when anything I announce to him automatically becomes a subject of his judgment and analysis in his eyes.

What do you guys think about this all?

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UPDATE:

For those people who are interested, me and him talked about this thing again today:

1)He said I should already know by now that he can be a jabby rude d*ck when tired or not in mood. And claimed that he did not feel like talking anymore that evening, but he thought he would be rude to tell me to just just leave him alone - and I had to tell him that no, that would not be rude, but what he did instead ("suffering" my presence in the moment he wanted to sleep, and then starting to get snarky and dismissive about a random thing I casually brought up) WAS rude.

I had to remind him that I don't read his mind and it's perfectly fine to inform me when he is not in the mood for socializing at that moment anymore, and that saying "you know how I am when..." is not a free pass for him to act rude whenever he feels like it, and then expecting me to do the zen work for both of us with swallowing his remarks and managing the grey rock attitude. There is still this expectation of me managing everything for both of us, where he has hard time learning new ways instead of nudging me to adjust around him.

2. He claimed that the whole time he was counting on sharing with granny his own share of the cake, and that it's always how he does it when he measures up how much of it to bring upstairs.

And from there came the suggestion that he will pass his share too so I have more, as a genuine offer, not a jab. He also got irritated why I am trying to put rules on what he will do with the share of the cake he'd eat by himself anyway, while I was assuming he simply always eats whatever amount he wants to, and then in addition shares the more of it with others upstairs - as I never study how much of it disappeared and who exactly ate it, and did not know that he always "sacrifices" some of his own planned amount when sharing it, being always considerate towards my effort. It's something I have no way to know, but he said it was a matter of fact to him and is surprised I thought something else.

3. Me mentioning his neurodivergence is not here to "blame it" on it, nor to excuse him because of it. I genuinely sometimes have hard time recognizing what thinking style is directly caused by it and I'd always prefer to think it's that case, rather than him just being plainly dull and inconsiderate person, obviously.

In this case, it was more of a misunderstanding, but that doesn't delete the long term effect of his randomness in what he will accept without nitpicking or questioning and what not. It is still making it harder for me to be able to just put things directly in front of him, as he tends to be too generous with how he thinks he will initially take any change or announcement from my side.

4. He said that he would gladly accept me making fun of his remarks and reservations about that cake, or me stating that my request at that moment is not a subject of discussion, so we could save us the fus later. That's maybe nice to know, but still on me to be the more reasonable one in a point, where I have every human right to be irritated by his occassional inability to simply swallow some of the opinions no one asked for in situation where I am trying to do exactly as he preffers it - to state and announce new things straightly and clearly in a pragmatic way so it's easily graspable to him.

5. He also said that his remark about "me getting to bake a new cake when this one runs out" was based on the fact that I did so in the past by myself, when some cake ran out and I wanted more. I told him that yes it's true, and on paper I really can bake a new one when it comes to it - but it simply was not an appropriate argument from his side, as a matter of fact it was NO argument, as it's only goal was to minimize my reasonable request at that moment - and he had to admit this. It seems that he doesn't grasp it fully though. At least he does understand that I might not want to bake another batch of the cake next weekend, as I'd preffer this one to last long enough for the two of us instead.

I'm 19F living in a dorm with my roommate, 23F, who I'll call Sarah. We've been roommates for a little over a year and have always had a good relationship. Our room is small, but we split the space 50/50 and have never had major issues.

About two weeks ago Sarah started a new job requiring night shifts. She works both weekend days and 2-3 days during the week. She gets home around 6-7am, sleeps until the afternoon, gets up to eat, play games, cook, etc., sometimes takes another nap, then goes to work again.

I've tried hard to accommodate her schedule. During the day I'm usually at university, and when I'm home I don't turn on the main light or make much noise. If my parents call, I wear headphones so Sarah can't hear them and speak quietly, although I can't whisper because then my parents can't hear me. I've also told my parents quite often that I'll call later because Sarah is sleeping.

Sarah has struggled with sleep before and has used some sleep aids in the past, so I understand she genuinely needs sleep. She wears an eye mask and sometimes asks me if its okay to switch off the light if I'm not doing anything hectic, which I always do agree to. I've often kept the room dark even around 5-6pm and done university work using my phone flashlight or a small bedside lamp she gave me. This has happened a few times a week for the last year.

The problem is that our activities aren't always equally easy to accommodate. Sarah games a lot, and when I'm sleeping she can game with headphones and without the light. I try to reciprocate, but much of my university work involves writing and homework, and sometimes I need to talk to my family. She also has earplugs, which she sometimes uses aka when she comes home and I'm already awake. If not then she doesn't use them.

Today is Sunday. Sarah came home around 7am after work and went to sleep, I was still asleep. Around 13:30, my aunt, mum and grandma called together. It's rare for all three to be on a call together, so I wanted to join. I wore headphones and spoke quietly. The call lasted about an hour and a half, although I wasn't talking continuously and was mostly listening.

I didn't realize I'd woken Sarah until she got up. I said hi and noticed something was off. After my call, I asked if she was okay and she said she was annoyed because I had woken her. I apologized about three times and she nodded.

I understand why she was annoyed and feel bad that I woke her. At the same time, I'm frustrated because I feel like I'm walking on eggshells in our shared room. I'm happy to make reasonable accommodations, but I also have university, work, family I want to occasionally talk to, and my own life.

I don't want this to turn into resentment because we genuinely get along.

WIBTA for wanting to tell her that it's a bit unfair, because I don't think I can reasonably be expected to maintain near silence whenever she's sleeping during the daytime?

Also, for our first year as roommates (prior to her starting night shifts), the lights were off almost constantly. She would be awake from about 8am until early in the morning, then take a nap in the late afternoon and stay asleep until 9pm. That meant the lights were off from 3pm to 9pm every day - and in this country, it gets dark around 4pm. Even then, I was as accommodating as possible. I avoided turning on the main light even when I had tasks to do, like laundry, folding clothes, or organizing my shelves. It was a real hassle because our room is small and we have stuff everywhere, but I'd just thug it out using my phone flashlight. It sucks because I'm not a confrontational person, To make matters worse, I think a big part of my frustration comes from a general imbalance in how we maintain the room. I do almost all of the sweeping, while she almost never does. She handles taking out the trash, but mostly because she leaves the room more often, and whenever I go out, I take it too if needed. Between sweeping the entire room, constantly keeping the lights off, and tiptoeing around her schedule, I'm starting to feel like I'm doing all the giving in. Thank you for listening to my rant lol.

My husband and I bought our house last year in Aug. We have been together for over 12 years. I put a large down payment and he paid for the closing cost. One of my wishes was to not allow his mom, sister or brother into our home. Unless I change my mind but I don’t see myself any time soon. Let me explain why.

For 12 years and still don’t they don’t accept me. I am Asian and his family is Jamaican. It’s always been a race thing and they expect him to be with a black girl. His mom and sister are besties, they are so toxic and have a trauma bond relationship. They talk so much shit about everybody including their own family members and if you dare disagree you’re looked at as a hater and will plot together how to bring you down. For 12 years I watched his mom favour his older brother and sister over him bc they are always available to do her bitch work. His mom is a widow, his siblings are all single. The mom thinks I took her son away. We were long distance for so long and lived our lives like normal people would and anything we did, we were the topic of everybody’s conversation.

For 12 years, the sister made comments to my husband how I have him on a short leash. (Jealous ass bitch lol) Nobody wants her ugly loser ass so she would make comments about us to him so she can feel better about herself. Same goes for his brother, unfortunately they are close now but for 12 years his brother was also a hating ass bitch. I used to go over to their house when they all lived together and the second I step inside, all 3 of them are around the kitchen island talking about us.

His brother made up a rumour that I’ll never forgive, one day my husband got called into work and I drove 2.5 hrs to see him for the day. So I had nothing to do, their step dad (RIP to him) felt bad so he decided to cook me curry chicken while I was in the living room watching TV. He did NOT come sit with me at all and the second the curry chicken was in the oven and done he went to his room. Well his loser brother walked into the kitchen while he was cooking and told my husband that we were flirting and laughing and wasn’t a good look and it made my husband not trust his step dad.

So I welcomed a baby boy 4 months ago. His family didn’t know till I gave birth. (Yes I’m petty) my husband isn’t really on speaking terms with his mom bc she’s too toxic to deal with and if they do talk all she does it complain about me and say rude comments. He cut off his sister 11 years ago. About a month ago, his brothers (37 yrs and 18 yrs) came down to our city to visit my husband (we live 2.5hrs away). They got a hotel and he spent the day with them, come to find out his older brother who I hate also brought his mom and sister. My husband did not know and they all ambushed him. He was really upset and knew I would be mad.

His mom and older brother demanded to meet our son. They said “are you going to let someone control who sees your son” someone’s as in ME THE MOTHER? Like who the fuck are you?? She’s not even in my husband life like that and she’s demanding to see our son? The bitch even said to take him with JUST them without me to a park and my husband shut that down quick and said there will be an amber alert. I am my son’s primary care taker who is breastfeeding he’s with me 24/7 I wish a bitch would. Even the sister is telling everybody that I won’t let her meet our son. NO SHIT? You don’t even talk to your own brother, my husband?? Does that make sense???

Fast forward now my husband makes comments about how his family can’t come into our home. One day he says they don’t deserve to come here especially his sister and mom. But then says he feels bad for his mom bc she’s getting older (60 yrs) and recently got diabetes. My mom recently got heart surgery so she can’t help me with our baby. Life has been so hard being a new mom and my husband low key suggests for his family to come and help. NO THANKS! I don’t want them to come near me or my son. Their energy is so draining even typing this out is making my soul hurt. And then I bring up how those were my wishes, he agreed before we bought our house that they were not welcomed into our home and now that he’s close with his brother he gets angry that I won’t change my mind…

I also want to add that for 10 years I spent every holiday with his family, can you imagine being the outsider and being in the next room while they talk about you? They made it so obvious to always exclude me and talk about us that I had enough. I grew a back bone and now it’s my turn to be petty I don’t give a shit anymore. But then the empath in me feels bad for my husband.. They had 12 years to get to know me and have a relationship with me and now they want to try to come into our life bc we had a baby? HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Adding this one after I saw some comments: my husband has stuck up for me for 12 years to his mom and his mom literally has resentment towards him bc she feels she comes before anybody else. In the beginning of the year, he cut her off completely bc she wouldn’t stop talking shit about me and said I’m not welcomed in her city let alone home and he had enough. Unfortunately they reconnected recently bc his brother guilt tripped him and he showed up to her ugly birthday dinner. They don’t really talk now but he also made it clear he won’t cut her off. He low key has a soft spot for her.

Update: I can confirm it is a race thing, but not just that. When his step dad was alive (he was the only one who supported us) he told us that his mom doesn’t like asians. His mom’s neighbours (left side, right side and the people in front) are Asian and she hates them. When his grandma was alive she asked my husband in front of a lot of family members “what’s wrong with black girl” bc his mom makes it her mission to talk about our relationship to every single person in her life. She’s so toxic that everybody she knew didn’t like me bc she didn’t approve of me. But that’s not all, she doesn’t want any of her kids to be in relationships. The second you’re in one the mom will try to break it up. I can type for days and even write a book.

His brother dated so many random people and the second he told his mom, his mom stayed silent. She didn’t like that her other son’s attention was elsewhere. My husband also agreed that his family ambushing him and demanding to see our son is wrong. It was wrong bc he JUST reconnected with her after 7 months of not talking and they came to our city knowing shit wasn’t good. He’s still mad that his brother didn’t tell him he was bringing them and was conniving on his part. But what makes him feel guilty is all of them texting him saying he’s not a family man and how he’s not a good son. Bc he put up boundaries that they disagree. He says it’s difficult to deal with them when there’s also extended family calling him/texting getting involved.

A lot of you are pointing out me being petty and my attitude. I stayed silent our whole relationship, never once did I confront them. My husband’s wish was to never go low and stoop their level so I honoured that. You know how hard it is to not say anything? I want to tell them all how much of losers they are especially his mom. But I won’t. Maybe one day I’ll blow up on them and speak my truth. Yeah I am a little immature but I’m also human. Even when I knew they were talking about me in the next room, I still talked to them like everything was good. I always gave gifts to his mom, hugged her. Asked if she’s ok, it was never reciprocated back. I knew she was never going to accept me so I stopped coming around. She is mad I stood my ground and won’t let her in anymore. Call me petty idc. His half sister who is on his dad’s side likes me a lot. His real dad likes me and supports us and knows exactly who his ex wife is and his daughter. They also give him a hard time and talk mad shit about him and his wife bc he remarried.

I have a snake named Ellie, she's a very sweet ball python that I got as a rescue. She's probably about 3.5 ft, and somewhere between 3-5 years old. Of my three snakes, she's the most curious, adventurous, and 'friendly' (as much as snakes can be friendly, that is.)

I got her from a couple who had managed to get her original owner to give her up after he had been keeping her in a bare 20 gallon tank and feeding her live rats to the point of obesity. (Our guess was that he just liked to watch her kill and eat them...)

Obviously, she lives much better now, but getting her to lose weight has been a process. One of the places she'll be the most active, however, is outside.

I live on a quiet residential street that is kind of like a cul-de-sac, but with a open grassy area with a half dozen trees in the middle. It's really too small to be called a park, but it's the best description. Before anyone asks, yes, I have a backyard, but it is very tiny, gets very little sun, and is mostly paved with barely any grass (not my choice, I rent). Due to this, on days where it's warm enough, I'll occasionally grab a picnic blanket and set up out there with Ellie.

She enjoys being outside, and I don't say that lightly. She is the only one of my snakes I take outside, because one is a flight risk (corn snakes... sigh) and my other ball python was scared the one time I tried it with him (hid in a hide I brought out with us the whole time).

Ellie, on the other hand, does lots of periscoping, long tongue flicks, slithering around the blanket and smelling the grass, and is overall very active. (For those not familiar with snake body language, all signs of a relaxed but engaged snake.) When she wants to be done, she'll curl up under my legs or the corner of the blanket I keep folded up for her and I'll take her in.

I've taken her out like this several times and have never had any issues before. The few neighbors that walk by generally don't notice her at all, and she gets some physical activity to help her lose some grams.

Today is one of the last few 80°F days I figured we're going to get this year, so I wanted to take her out. While we were enjoying the weather, one of the neighbor's dogs came running over. It was completely off leash, had to cross the road to get over to us, and was on us before I had time to process what was happening.

Fortunately I always keep Ellie within arm's reach because of this exact fear, so my instinctual reaction was to throw my arms over her protectively and yell "NO!" at the dog. To be fair, I did sound very stern and probably angry, but I was more terrified than anything. The dog was pretty small, but any dog could easily injure a snake. I then scooped Ellie up with one hand to lift her up and keep her out of reach of the dog, and used my other hand to ward off the dog.

It turned out the dog just really likes people and wanted to say hi, and probably didn't notice Ellie at all. The owner was calling his name from across the street, but the dog had zero recall and the owner had to come get him. The kicker is, he puts the dog back down in their yard and he runs over AGAIN. I just keep holding poor Ellie up in the air until the guy comes to get the dog again.

I was ready to write it all off as an unfortunate accident and forgive and forget, until the guy (after grabbing the dog a second time) looks at me and says, sounding somewhat accusatory, "Where are you from? Do you live around here?"

I say yes, and point at the house we're literally 50ft from. I've lived here for three years. Then he says, sounding annoyed, "Why do you even have a snake out here anyway?"

I say the truth; it's the last warm day and I wanted to get her outside. I don't remember him saying anything to that, and he took the dog back across the street and inside their house.

Ellie is understandably stressed out (heavy breathing, balled up in a way I've only seen her do one or two times before) but I looked her over (no injuries) and so I let us both calm down, and stayed outside: I don't want her to associate being outside with almost being stepped on by a dog. After 10 minutes she relaxed and went back to her normal exploring. I think I'm more traumatized than she is, honestly.

However, now I'm worried the guy might be right. I didn't think I was bothering anybody, but AITAH for bringing my snake to the green space for some outside time?

I will try to sum this up as best I can.

I (25F) and my bf (25M) live with a friend and ex-coworker of mine, who I'll call Mark (38M). We live in a room in his house and have done for over a year and a half now. I will add that I am physically disabled so I am home most of the time.

Mark started seeing this other ex-coworker of mine, who I'll call Amy(24F), for over a year and their relationship is just a mess.

They go out and drink constantly, and will come back and scream at each other and break things in the house. Mark has had to call the police multiple times on her to kick her out.

This has happened more times that I can count, and he always says he's done with her. Me, bf, and two of our other friends all support him through this, but they always end up back together.

At one point during one of their horrific fights, I could hear Amy screaming and breaking things, and because she will always make the excuse of she was drunk and avoids accountability, I started to record on my phone. I was in my room, door locked, lights off. I didn't film them directly, but I captured everything that was said and smashed. And at one point, she tried to hit him. He immediately called the police and she was dragged off.

I later told him I had a recording of this, and he was so happy and he told me that he was happy we now ha proof. He promised not to tell anyone about this, as I didn't want to get dragged into this further than I already had been.

And then they got back together again.

Now for the main event. This happened 4 months ago, a day after my birthday. We were all out for a karaoke night at the pub, and I'd invited my sister, who I'll call Eve (19F).

I had told all my friends and my BF to never leave Eve alone as she is a very attractive young woman and I am very protective of my siblings. They all agreed.

The night was amazing and me and my BF stayed with Eve the entire time. Then the bar closed. We were grabbing our coats and bags to leave and Amy was very drunk. We asked if she was okay and started screaming at all of us. We couldn't even make out what she was saying except for all the swearing.

We tried to get her into a taxi with us but she refused and stormed off, still screaming.

We get home, and she was STOOD OUTSIDE THE HOUSE, waiting for us. The second we get out the taxi, she screams at us all again and leaves.

We head inside to watch some dumb videos and drink some more. Then Amy BANGS on the door and Mark opens it. She storms in and they scream at each other.

My BF tries to step in to calm her down, and Amys sister shows up and snaps at my BF.

The entire time, I'm keeping Eve distracted while they were all fighting behind us. Amy and her sister leave and Mark, as usual, said he was done with her for good.

Then, a week later, Mark gets some threatening messages from my family. It turns out that Amy had gone out drinking with my other sister, who I'll call Ivy (22F) and her fiancé who I'll call Thorne (27F). She had lied to them and told them that Mark had tried to spike Eve and put his hand down her pants.

Ivy and Thorne told my family and that's what caused all the messages.

NONE OF THIS WAS TRUE, as again, me and BF were with Eve the entire night. Amy didn't even tell anyone that we were there when this supposedly happened.

So I send a message to my family and show them pictures to show I was there and never left Eves side. Eve had been screamed at by my stepdad even when she said nothing happened.

My family believes me, except for Ivy and Thorne, but I've had issues with them before as Ivy was my abuser from when I was growing up which caused me to develop CPTSD and a bunch of other mental health struggles.

After this, Mark kept saying he was going to the police to get a restraining order on Amy. I told him if he needs that old video as support I'll send it. He thanked me and said he'd let me know.

Weeks pass, and he never went to the police and started stalking Amy again on social media, even tracking her location. He would go to the pub knowing she was there and blow up at her. He was spending over £800 (over $1000) a month on alcohol at the pubs, which worried all of us as he's an ex alcoholic.

Then, 2 months ago, we went out for drinks together with some other friends joining us. Amy was sat at the table behind us with some guys and Mark kept staring at them and listening to their conversations. He then stood up, screamed at them and started a fight. My BF got Mark in a lock while I stood between them with my crutches, despite being terrified.

One of my friends (I'll call Jay) is epileptic so he couldn't physically step in as a punch to the head could cause a seizure. Jay stood up to talk to Mark screamed at us to all fuck off and that we're not his friends because we weren't helping him.

Jay gets angry and storms out, and I join him as that comment pissed me off too. Jay punched the door on the way out, which we found out the next day had actually broken his hand.

Then, a week later, guess who walks into the house with her own key and clothes. Amy. Mark had gotten back with her.

My BF is civil with them and still goes out drinking with them occasionally. I, however, don't even look at Amy. I don't talk to her, do nothing for her. She is disgusting in my eyes for everything she's done.

Then, last week, surprising no one, they had another huge drunk fight. It was so bad that next door actually called the police because Mark had flipped the dining table and smashed up the house.

It was THEN I heard him scream at Amy about the video. He TOLD HER I HAD A VIDEO OF HER, and she went BALLISTIC, screaming how she's going to kill me.

She ran off before police came.

But a few days later, she's back living in the house again.

Mark has not spoken to me. He will pass on messages for me through my BF. He won't invite me out or do anything. I stopped cleaning up after their fights or mess and he got angry about it, but I'm done cleaning up after them.

Amy apparently spoke with my BF to ask if she could apologise to him and I, but my BF, knowing how I feel, politely said no.

Now, it turns out Mark had said to one of our friends that he thinks I'm horrible for refusing to listen to Amy's apology. I don't care what she has to say to me. She hurt my family, my BF, my friends and myself. For me, her actions have shown nothing of her changing or growing as a person. She is a liar and always will be.

I feel betrayed that Mark told Amy about the video, because now I'm terrified she's going to target me next. My BF told me it was my fault for recording, and I said I only did it for Mark as evidence since Amy always denies what she's said/done while drunk.

I want a reality check here because I feel like I'm going crazy.

So please tell me. AITAH for refusing to listen to my housemates gf's apology because of what she did to my family?

Edit: Just to clarify some things. My BF and I are saving up to move out and don't think we'll stay friends with Mark after this. Also, we pay £850 a month to Mark for the room. Amy pays nothing. The whole reason we moved in with Mark was because it was cheaper at the time and we could save more, but he increased our rent when Amy first moved in, so it's been harder to save.

Edit 2: I've seen some comments saying I'm enjoying the drama. That is the FURTHEST from the truth. I've been abused for years and have conditions because of the abuse. I HATE drama. I HATE all of this. I've TIRED to leave but we can't afford it right now. I have safe places to go but they are temporary as I would be living with family.

Also, Eve is doing okay, and so is Jay. Jay hung out with me and my BF last night and we talked about all of this stuff happening. We're all done being friends with Mark and Jay is trying to help my BF and I find a new place to live.

So I (28 yo M) live my for gf (26 yo F) and my mom and younger sister (23). We’ve all been living here for about 5 years but I kicked my sister out today. Over the years she has had issues with my girlfriend. One incident is when she kicked our door down after she overheard her complaining being dirty and attracting roaches into our home.(which is true). Last week was the last straw. We had a 7 year old Yorkie who we loved dearly but last Saturday night she left the door open when she came in and the dog ran out and got run over and died. I’ve told her multiple times to close the door. Once I came home and it was wide open with nobody home. I have cameras for outside so I knew it was her. It wasn’t the first second or third time she’s done this. I have her a week and today she left. I told my mom that I disowned my sister starting today and it did make me sad seeing my mom cry but I’m firm on my decision. My sister has no remorse for her actions and she never apologized for our dogs death. She said “whatever” when I confronted her. I’m done with her.

We have some fairly new neighbors who moved in a couple of years ago. There’s a twenty something daughter who has a boyfriend that apparently came with this family. When they first moved in he would sit in a lawn chair all day. Sometimes with his girlfriend (family daughter), sometimes alone. Recently last year he got a car. Now he sits in it from dawn to dusk. Mostly alone, sometimes with his girlfriend.

I don’t mind him sitting in his car, that’s fine even though sometimes it’s awkward when he’s parked in front of the house and I have to mow the grass or take the dog out, but when he’s running his engine all day (and even on perfect weather days), the sound of the engine and knowing he’s adding to pollution (I live in a city), drives me crazy. Doesn’t bother my wife at all and told me to ignore. I find it hard to. We live on a quiet street and now I find it offensive. Am I being too uptight?

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So… I moved into my flat three weeks ago and live with this girl from South Carolina who is very Christian (I’m from the UK and she’s moved here for uni). This is super fine, I’m also religious but she’s very fundamentalist and I’m very gay. Overall, she has been lovely, very welcoming and we’ve been hanging out and enjoying each others company. HOWEVER…
Every time I mentioned my gf, I noticed a slight change of energy.. something was.. off. Every time she would come into my room and sit with me on my bed, she would look at my wall… the wall filled with pictures of me and my gf. There was a slight weird vibe but I thought I was overthinking it as she was so lovely to me and treated me like anyone else. However, I could not put up with this awkward silence anymore. Four beers in, in my flatmate’s (let’s call him Rob) room, unable to keep my worries to myself, I said… “diva, are you homophobic?”..
She went on to explain how God made Adam and Eve and just went on about this bible story as if it was the be all and end all of life. I was obviously upset and talked about how God makes everyone in his image and that he chose us to be how we are etc. She then described how we are supposed to procreate, and implied that gay people cannot do this and that if they did it goes against what god intended (I wonder what she thinks about infertile people). I just sat there in shock, and Rob also seemed very shocked and sat there in silence.. she then goes on to explain how she believes that gayness is due to a mental illness, or a childhood trauma which resulted in this. This to me means that she believes that being gay is a consequence of a negative experience.. which I do not agree with at all. She told me she still wanted to be friends and that was it for the night. Rob hugged me and reassured me that shes not used to it, and perhaps she would develop as a person during her time in Oxford and become more open minded. I’ve spoken to my gf about this and she’s said things like even if I don’t feel upset about what she thinks of me, if she thinks this then she’s likely racist and/or transphobic, and questioned whether or not I’d want to be friends with someone who fundamentally disagrees with a lot of my friends’ existence.

A few days go by and she’s asking me to hang out at least once or twice everyday, I have been busy so unable to. She has also been telling me that she misses me.

Today she messaged me asking to hang out, I responded that I was busy and couldn’t. Then all of a sudden got a burst of anger and disappointment and texted her explaining that I was uncomfortable being around someone who fundamentally disagrees with who I am. She responded saying that she should be able to have an opinion, and that sexuality doesn’t make up my whole personality and that she really likes me anyway.

I felt really uncomfortable with this response. No, my sexuality is not my whole personality, however, I am gay, I’m in love with a woman and intend to spend the rest of my life with this woman… so.. how can I be friends with someone who disagrees with my life?

I have responded saying that basically I’m too uncomfortable to be friends with her because I’ve put up with enough homophobia in my life and don’t want to choose to deal with it.

This is really upsetting to me because I really liked her however.. morally.. I just can’t be friends with her. But, I’m wondering if I should just get over this small part of her personality because I do really like her and don’t want to be branded an “oversensitive woke” because of my instinct to cut her out of my life. So, AITA?

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I own a house that we have had on the market. It had not sold so we decided to rent for a year. I had a co-worker reach out in August. She wanted to rent - a couple and three kids. We were hesitant to rent to that many people with 1200 sq. ft, but decided that it would be fine. A month went by due to our house getting ready for rent.

After that month she came and showed her husband and family the house. She also had another woman with her. She said it was her sister who had had some medical issues and had been taking care of her all summer, so would it be okay if she also lived in the home. I said that would be fine, but would have to include her on lease.

She then said that she had parents that lived out of the country that would come to visit for a few months in the summer. I told her we would have to get details on when and how long.

It is now 3 weeks before her current lease is up and she is scheduled to move in. She texted me today asking if we could decrease the rent, as she is unsure that they would be able to afford it due to their job situations - which have not changed since the beginning of this process.

I'm over the constant changing of goal posts, and want to just tell her this isn't going to work out. But I also feel bad, as their lease ends soon and they need somewhere to go. WIBTAH to tell her that her needs no longer fit with our property and we can't rent to them?

I f20 and my boyfriend m22 have been having this issue constantly of what I should and shouldn't wear because he is uncomfortable with it. He discussed this with a female friend and she agreed with him and said I was in the wrong. For context i dress more alternative/scene I wear "skimpier" clothing personally I do not find the human body or nudity inherently sexual i also dont dress crazy. Recently our first issue/encounter with this disagreement was when we went to a huge music festival it was over 95 degrees so it was extremely hot excpeccilly with over 400,000 people. I wore short shorts wich had my butt out a little bit a lace came with a teal bra underneath a with fishnet top and a wolf hood. The short shorts was his issue. Later he was comfortable with this and kept reiterating he was being stupid and he felt better after seeing what people were wearing. I made a comment later about how I wanted to make an outfit out of a bathing suit 2 piece I had wich would be a non see through scrap tied around my waist almost like a skirt and some type of fishnet top with the same hood. He was comfortable with that at the time and said that outfit would probably look really good on me and even said he would want to maybe wear just his swimming shorts next time we went to a festival like that. Now after that talk with his friend me wearing a bathing suit outside of the pool is a non negotiable for him and i can never do that. AITAH for snapping back and defending MY BODY MY CHOICE??

First of all, I’m a huge animal person. I’ve rescued dozens of animals and even intentionally seek out special needs ones. I don’t want her to get rid of the dog because that’s not right. I’m just… annoyed by it.

She had an Aussie/Collie mix that sadly passed this year. She was a fantastic dog. I miss her a lot.

My wife wanted another Aussie and ended up adopting a purebred mini Aussie. I had suggested a golden retriever or another good family dog, but I get why she wanted one that reminded her of the dog she lost.

This thing is just… insane. It never stops moving. It’s like having a Malinois except for without any of the utility. It runs across the top of all the furniture and on top of me and the kids. It relentlessly provokes our sheepdog to play fight by nipping at her. The sheepdog, who has always been gentle, recently bit our daughter because she’s so on edge now. (Everyone is fine)

The dog can’t even leave us alone for bedroom time. We try locking her out of the bedroom and it yips in the hallway relentlessly.

It’s chewed up things that belong to the kids. It chewed up a remote with the batteries inside and almost caused a fire. The plastic was melting from the heat when I found it. It chews power cables if it can reach them.

I had pictured an Aussie being like the Aussie mix we just lost. Apparently all the good behavior came from the other half of that mix.

My wife seems irritated that I clearly dislike the dog. Should I be trying harder to just accept this thing?

Essentially, me and my boyfriend (both 22) have been together for a couple years. He has since gained 40 kilos in one year and has never managed to shake it. He recently had to go to the hospital for gastritis as his stomach lining was so inflamed from a poor diet that he had to be medicated. This was only 3 weeks ago and he continues to eat crap. He let it slip to me that today he ate 250 grams of beef mince for lunch, as well as another 250 grams for dinner as the beef “needed eating before it went bad”. When he could have just froze it and he wanted to eat it.

I told him that I think it’s a disgusting amount of red meat in one day - as that may be a week’s intake of red meat in half a day for most people. I also told him if he carried on like this he’d have clogged arteries, his stomach would be inflamed again and his heart is going to give way eventually. He got angry at me and told me I was being ridiculous as all of the ”gym bros” he knows eat that much beef. i do want to add, he hasn’t been to a gym in 6 months. I told him he was not a so called “gym bro” and he just got more angry, telling me to let him be and he’ll continue to eat however he wants.
Am I the asshole for being blunt?

AITA for putting a 5-day limit on in-law stays? Working 12hr shifts, 2-bed apt, spending all our PTO on family visits.

My wife and I (late 20s/early 30s) are having a tough disagreement about visit lengths for her family, and she feels I’m being controlling. I’m posting here to get some objective perspective and see if I’m being unreasonable.

My in-laws live far away. Traveling here requires a 3-hour drive to the airport and a 3-hour flight

We see them about 4 times a year (they visit us twice, we visit them twice).

Between their visits here and us traveling there, we spend about 25+ days a year with them. Between our work schedules and this cadence, literally all of our PTO goes toward visiting family.

Our Current Living & Work Situation:
We live in a 2-bedroom apartment. Space is tight when hosting.
My work schedule is intense: I work 12-hour days (7 AM to 7 PM) and log another 5 hours of work every Sunday. About 65 hours a week roughly.

They do not clean up after themselves while staying with us, which adds household chores on top of my work hours.

The Pattern of Overstaying:
I actually really enjoy my in-laws as people, but boundaries keep getting pushed:

Last year, we agreed on a 6-day visit. It became 8 days.

On a previous trip, an agreed 10-day stay turned into 12 days.

Her mom now wants to do two separate 3-day visits back-to-back in Feb/March (which, with travel days, really means 4-5 days each time).

**Where I Stand vs. My Wife:**

I’ve told my wife my hard limit for hosting *anyone* in our apartment is 5 days max per visit.

I hold my own family to the exact same standard (my mom stays under 48 hours when she visits, as she lives 4 hours drive away)

I’ve explicitly encouraged my wife to fly out and visit her family on her own whenever she wants if she wants more time with them.
I am trying to see my wife's side….they travel a long way to get here, and she wants quality time with her mom. But coming home at 7 PM after a 12-hour shift to a crowded 2-bed apartment where guests don't clean up is draining me completely.

Am I being unreasonable for holding a firm 5-day boundary on hosted visits? How do other working couples handle long-distance family visits without burning out?

To start and make a long story short before the main issue, in 2020, I found out my stepdad had sex with a 15-year-old when he was 22. He was sent to prison and then a registered sex offender for 15 years after his release. I told my 15-year-old brother about it, then 12, in 2023. Now for the main part. So a couple months ago there was a fight on the farm my family lives at that involved everyone except me because I don't live there. My stepdad had left the farm in anger which led to the rest of my family talking about the fight (Two brothers, 21 and 15, sister, 19, and mother). The 15 YO brother got pissed and told them they were living with a sex offender and told them that I was the one who told him. My mother gave them some bullshit excuse that he was drunk and didn't know her age. Keep in mind that when I asked my mother about this back in 2020, her words were, "He claims he didn't know how old she was, but I think that's bullshit", contradicting words, clearly. My sister isn't buying into it, but my 21 YO brother is, and he told me that I probably shouldn't have told a 12 YO that information. I don't know about all of you, but I knew about heavier topics when I was FIVE, as did my brother at older, the kid isn't stupid. Plus, older people fail to realize that kids these days and long before absorb FAR more things that they think. My 21 YO brother also thinks it needs to stay in the past because it happened before we were born. A pedophile is a pedophile to me, no matter the passage of time. All to say, everyone except my sister and youngest brother thinks I'm in the wrong. One final piece of context, I'm the only kid who isn't bio-related to my stepdad. I don't believe I am in the slightest, but I've got to ask, am I the problem? What are your thoughts on this?

Edit: Forgot to mention I'm 22, not that it's relevant

For context I live with my mom and she and I recently went on separate trips and needed someone to watch the dogs so she called her recently divorced ex husband to do so. Which was fine and good i just got back yesterday and was a bit suprised when he started asking what I wanted for dinner I asked what he was talking about and he told me that he was staying the night. I told him that no he wasn’t that he doesn’t live here anymore and needed to go back to his own place and now that I’m home he wasnt needed anymore and needed to leave he threw a fit but left shortly thereafter.

Edit for extra context here:he has been a jerk to me since I was little. He mentally and verbally abused me and once grounded me no exaggeration for 2 years for bad grades i wasn’t allowed to be in the living room when the tv was on. Which was almost always. He financially ruined our family and on more than one occasion told me he hated me.

So! I am the oldest child but I do not have children! My brother and my sister both have had children within the past year. My brother lives close but my sister lives two states away. Anyway, My sister has a son, and we'll call him Jimmy(7 mo). We'll call my sister Emily. My brother has a daughter but they aren't very relevant outside of the fact that they exist.

So, Emily is a bit obsessed with numbers. She obsesses over her child's progress, to the point where she tries to enforce milestones on him early (like eating solid food before it was recommended) and she constantly asks the group chat why her son seems to be so frustrated during tummy time. But it's like she's training a baby athlete. And she makes it a point to bring up how much better her baby is doing in her eyes compared to my brother's daughter, who is three months older.

Emily and Jimmy came down to stay at my mom's during our youngest sister's wedding.

First impression of Jimmy was that he was a baby who could NOT be consoled! And Emily made it clear that he couldn't be. Every time he cried she would basically cry too and say she wished she didn't have him or that someone would take him, and then she would cover him with her own body and try to soothe him. She says he can only sleep for twenty minutes at a time and has severe intestinal distress and can only poop every three days.

After the wedding, Emily wanted to help our youngest sister clean up so I was asked to babysit Jimmy. I have plenty of experience babysitting my niece so I assured Emily that we'd be fine. She warned me and said "Okay but he might cry the entire time you know..." And I let her know I could handle it.

Reader... That baby did not cry. I have no idea what I did differently from my sister, Emily, but he smiled and giggled and played with me. I gave him his formula, changed his diaper, and laid him down for naps. He cried one time in the seven hour period I had him. He and I bonded so much that even though he can't really crawl he scooted over to me at one point and laid his head on my lap and fell asleep(to which I then promptly laid him in his travel crib so it wouldn't hurt his neck).

When my sister came back, apparently I did everything wrong.

I excitedly say, "Look, he drank three bottles and got halfway through a forth!" Emily then informs me that I shouldn't have allowed him to consume that much over the day. That it isn't healthy. She then asked me when the last time I fed him was because he seemed hungry. I had fed him thirty minutes prior.

I also changed his diaper twice. Once because it was needed and once for general sanitary reasons. She got angry with me and said I should've changed it every two hours. I apologized and told her I made the decision based off of personal research on the net and she told me she finally freed him of his diaper rash and now it was going to come back because of me.

She got upset that our mom didn't have a bottle warmer. Why would she have one???

The last thing that she got upset over was that I laid a towel out to change her son's diaper. She asked why I didn't just keep him on the blanket I left out, and I told her to prevent potential pee or poop getting on his makeshift playmat. And then she asked why I didn't just put him on the floor then and I told her because it would've been unsanitary and I know that's important to her. She then said that changing a diaper takes less than a minute and I should've just kept his legs from touching the floor. I told her that germs can still get on his clothing.

On top of that she didn't believe the story of him laying on me because it never happened to her and she doesn't believe that he didn't cry or that he took two 35 minute naps and one 1 hour nap. I think she's upset that her baby likes me but I got so angry that I just said I was tired and left. But honestly did I do wrong here? The baby seemed genuinely happy the whole time but maybe I was being too ignorant or something. What do y'all think?

Edit: I definitely hear y'all talking about my sister potentially having some ppd and it's actually something we've mentioned quietly among some family members. I'll have a heart to heart with her soon since this seems to be the potential issue. But thank y'all so far for your comments and advice