r/AITAH

Disclaimer: I did not actually go to the gym.

So, AITA for:
1 wanting to go to the gym on the ride home?
2 Admitting 3 years later that I still feel it would have been okay to go?

The Backstory
Three years ago, our daughter was born with complications and spent 10 days in the NICU. We were completely burnt out, bouncing between the hospital home and and eventually booked a nearby Airbnb (our commute home was severely delayed due to the Danelo Cavalcante manhunt).

Incident 1
On Day 10, our daughter was released.
During the car ride home as a new family, I told my wife I wanted to go to the gym for an hour later that day, after being stuck in the airbnb and the stress of the hospital and worrying about our daughter

She got very upset. She said I was ruining our first day home as a family and spoiling the special moment of the car ride. I backpedaled said "okay" and didn’t go, but it was too late I already ruined the moment

Incident 2
Yesterday, three years later, incident 1 came up in a convo.
She asked if I felt it was okay for me to go to the gym that day.

I chose honesty. I told her I understand why she was upset, but I still feel it would have been fine for me to go to the gym for just an hour, but did not since ultimately did not want to upset her on her first day home

My mom took my 21 year old sister on an all expenses paid trip overseas and they won’t stop sending me pics. I’m ignoring them on socials and not responding to the photo updates they’re sending to the family group chat.

I’ve been to the specific European country they’re visiting. It was top of my list and was an amazing trip with my now husband BUT I had to work multiple jobs for years to save up for it only for Covid to delay it and drive the cost up even more. I know it’s unreasonable but it made the place feel almost sacred to me. Like getting there was something I had that no one else in my immediate family could be handed.

There’s a long history of me having to save up money to buy things of my own only for my mom and step-dad to feel bad for my younger siblings and get them the same things for Christmas or birthdays. It’s pretty clear to me that’s what’s getting under my skin here but like…we’re all adults now (21,26,31) and this is getting ridiculous.

There is a 10 year difference between my sister and I so I do my best to be understanding that my mom and step-dad’s financial situation is a lot different now than when I was younger but then they go and do stuff like bring my sister to Europe…even though they already pay for both her and my step-brother’s education, vehicles, housing AND pay them WELL to “work” for them so they don’t have to get jobs in the meantime.

It’s not like they’ve NEVER helped me out. They throw me the occasional bone of some free feed for my animals if the crops were good that year and I was recently given part of an early inheritance my mom received from her mom — but we’re talking a difference of me being given a few grand since I had to move out when I was 17 vs them having $50,000 a year worth of expenses paid AND being given an income to live at home for the most part on top of that. This isn’t even the first time they’ve booked a holiday without me AFTER they found out I was going somewhere myself.

It’s such a weird feeling because I’m grateful that I have the freedom to do what I want, when I want, since I’m financially independent. I’ve even done other amazing trips since this place. I’m not annoyed they’re taking her somewhere in general — she’s been working really hard in school and top of all her classes. It just feels so intentional that out of anywhere in the world they could have brought her (like idk, maybe HER first pick in destinations???) but they chose MY first pick. I don’t even think I’d be mad about the destination if she would have paid to go herself. It’s the combination of everything making me salty.

I was not taken on a me trip at any point in my life. 21 is actually around the time they all took their first family vacation together without me.

Maybe it’s petty but I just don’t have it in me to acknowledge their trip while they’re on it. They know I’m pretty hurt by this whole situation but I’ve also been kind and supportive where I’m able. I made them a Google map guide for photo ops, places to eat, and things to do. I’ve made my feelings clear without being snarky or rude about it. I just feel like that’s plenty and I shouldn’t have to offer more.

AITAH for ignoring them while they’re gone? Am I just being way too petty about this?

This was a sudden situation that nobody was prepared for. I traveled with my 1 year old overseas to be with my father after he experienced cardiac arrest and was put on a ventilator. My father and I were very close, I called him more than once a week and his death has been devastating for me and my family. We all miss him so much. My husband flew in a few days later and has been generally helpful with looking after our son while I help my mom and siblings with arrangements. But when I try to get out of the house my husband gets annoyed when I’m short with him (he followed me around a shop and it made me feel like I needed to entertain him). Then when I was upset he told me I should apologise to him.

Last night he got upset with me because I rode home with my mom who had one glass of wine in a 2.5 hour period, after googling that it would’ve been unsafe for her to drive. He started this argument on a “date night” which ruined it and I haven’t said much to him since we got home. He has a history of alcoholic parents and an alcoholic ex wife (I was never a big drinker but I don’t drink much anymore and rarely get drunk due to having no childcare support at home). In the past when I drink and play cards with my family my husband always points out someone needs to be sober in case the baby wakes up at night. I’m a 38 year old mom playing cards with my aunts and mom who have kids and are kind and caring people and it feels like I’m a child he has to remind to not mess up when I’m not with him. It’s really frustrating because I’ve never made poor decisions about these things. I don’t have the bandwidth to argue with him and I’m getting to the point where I’m almost glad he’s going home soon (to go back to work) so I can just grieve with my family. I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense, I’m struggling right now and don’t want to tell my family about this because I don’t think they’ll be happy with my husband about it.

This should be a cut and dry answer, however the more I've thought about it the more difficult this has been for me. I can't tell if I did the right thing anymore.

I (19M) have a friend (23M) who is like an older brother to me, I was close friends with his girlfriend (20F) who I have frequently hung out and drank with. We also hung out with this friend's older brother (24M) and the friend's girlfriend seemed close with him. I didn't question anything and felt uncomfortable asking any specific questions as the 24-year-old was also my ex around five years ago.

However I knew something was up about a month ago, because the girlfriend and older brother of my friend seemed very close. Again I didn't prod. Last weekend I went out drinking with the girlfriend and the 24-year-old older brother, the girlfriend admitted to me that she's been making out, sleeping with and being generally very hands-on with her boyfriend's older brother. In my drunken state I promised not to tell her boyfriend, especially because I valued my friendship with her.

However a day or so ago I told my friend that his girlfriend was cheating on him with his older brother, he seemed calm and just patted my head before riding off on his bike. I haven't heard anything from any of the parties involved since and I'm wondering if it was a mistake. I'm worried this might ruin the mental state of my friend, even if he seemed put-together when we talked. I also feel bad betraying the trust of his girlfriend.

I know what she did was wrong, that's why I told my friend. I feel more loyalty to my friend who got cheated on rather than my friend that did the cheating. Still I question if it was the right move.

Link to original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/WtQjLGxhq2

Since the original post was getting way too long to keep updating, i'm putting the final conclusion here.

First off a massive thank you to everyone who commented. A lot of you pointed out things about codependency and enmeshment that i was completely blind to and honestly it gave me the clarity i needed.

Before getting into the update i just want to address two things that kept coming up in the comments.

To everyone roasting me about my timeline, yes i know you can still be a fit and active dad well into your 30s and 40s lol. It was just a personal goal i had in my head but fair point taken.

To everyone jokingly suggesting i should just date the best friend since she's apparently the sane one, absolutely not lmaooo. We are cool but i am staying far far away from that entire dynamic.

A lot of you were also asking how i missed such a massive red flag for three years. Honestly i didn't understand it either at first. I think as a guy you are sometimes so starved for affection and care that you hold onto it tightly when you finally find it. But it wasn't just that, i genuinely felt loved and cared for. She worked from home for her dad's business and there was no lack of emotional or physical intimacy either and she made my life so easy like would always make food for me, handled all the household stuff willingly without ever complaining and even when i offered to help she'd just wave me off saying she had it. This whole condition truly came out of nowhere and blindsided me completely.

After my last edit i left our apartment and spent the night away to clear my head. I made up my mind that i was going to sit her down calmly and try to make her understand how absurd this whole thing was. My plan was that if she finally understood we could look into couples therapy together to get to the root of it.

We had that final long conversation this morning. I tried to explain why having my future tied to a third party was a dealbreaker for me. But instead of trying to understand my perspective or even taking the lifeline of therapy she doubled down. She said her best friend is "abandoning" her and that i am being unsupportive of her vision for her life.

I even asked her directly to be honest with me if she simply wasn't ready for marriage or kids yet because that would be a completely different and understandable situation, one i was willing to work with and make compromises for because i genuinely didn't want to lose her over some fantasy plan. But she said no, she loves me, she does want marriage and kids, she just wouldn't drop the condition. And when i brought up the fact that her best friend had literally told her she doesn't want to get married, she just waved it off saying "she will come around, i know her better than she knows herself." That's when it became obvious that i was essentially the third wheel in my own relationship and that no amount of reasoning was going to get through.

It was a long hard conversation and there were a lot of tears but i made the decision to end the relationship. We want fundamentally different things and i can't build a future with someone who prioritizes a fantasy timeline over our actual partnership.

We are currently sorting out the apartment situation and i'll be staying with family for a bit while we untangle everything. It hurts right now, not going to pretend it doesn't. But reading through all your perspectives genuinely gave me the clarity and reality check i needed to see things for what they were.

Thanks again everyone. Won't be updating after this, just focusing on moving forward now.

My (27) mom (55) a few years ago got into one of my hobbies which is discgolf. Since then she started going to some local course events that I go to, mainly one that is a random doubles league, where once a week you can show up and get paired with someone random, you play best shot doubles discgolf (normal golf but with frisbees being thrown into baskets basically if you haven't seen or heard of it before) and compete with other random teams. It's a pay to enter, so $10 to play and then the top teams get a cash payout. It's a decent sized league, probably averages between 16-30 people coming to it depending on the weather.

This past week she got paired on the same team with a friend of mine who I made through the league many years ago. About halfway through the round, she texts me that her partner/my friend (I'll call him X for this), hasn't let her take a single putt yet. Basically because it's best shot doubles golf, if the first person makes the putt the second person obviously wouldn't have to take it or try, because your team would take the putt that went in.

Now, before I continue I'll give some context, that even though this is a paid league, it is generally on the more chill relaxed side, people aren't super stringent on rules or strategy, mostly people come as a fun mildly competitive league where they can get paired with a random friend or new person and play with some people you know and maybe a some new people and have a good time. Some people do have preferences of going first or going second, but in my time there i'd say 95% of people don't have a preference, so usually people end up doing some sort of alternating who goes first or just whoever is ready to throw first just goes, but there are absolutely a few people who ask to always go first or second or say they're practicing something specific so would like to do x or y if their partner is ok with it.

So back to it, my mom texts me upset that my friend hasn't let them take a putt yet, because he keeps going first and making them. I ask her if she's asked him if she can putt first, because he almost certainly doesn't actually care if he goes first or second and is just a fast player who throws when he's ready. My mom responds with "I shouldn't have to, it's basic manners and he's still stepping up first every time and I'm afraid I'm going to lose it on him". I responded saying the majority of people don't have a preference of going first or second, so if you don't want him to go first each time you need to communicate that and not just sit there and get more mad about it. I didn't get a response and she left as soon as the round finished so we didn't talk, but I did talk with the two other people who were playing with their team and they saw she was upset and asked her about it, then eventually they told her partner that she might want to go first and he started letting her do it but she was still mad the rest of the round.

A bit later that night I get a long text from her basically saying that it's basic courtesy to let your partner go first at times (which I don't disagree with, but there's also perfectly valid explanations for this other than lack of courtesy) and that she's still mad about it and how her feelings are valid, then proceeds to talk about how poorly x must have been raised to be such an inconsiderate person and how it's not her job to teach him to not be selfish and he needs to just do the right thing, then a while later she says she's still trying to learn discgolf cause she's new and that "I can't get practice in if people don't LET me try to make the putts. He's already good, he doesn't need more practice he can just make it after I miss anyways". There was more to it but those were the main points.

So I responded with a long winded response saying that X is one of the most sincere and nice people that comes to this event, and that this entire situation could have been avoided if she just asked if she could start going first since she hasn't gotten to putt yet, but instead she chose to not say anything and get progressively more mad and frustrated about it which is an immature way to handle the situation. I mentioned that most people don't have a preference, but if they do, they always speak up on it, and that some people never want to putt and would always be happy if their partner made it first (I've had multiple partners over the years who have said this so it's not uncommon). I then also brought up again that x is a fast player, and over the years we've been told repeatedly by the person who runs the course and event to keep pace of play in mind because we regularly used to still be finishing up our rounds in the dark which nobody enjoys. So how is he supposed to know that you have a problem with him putting first because he's ready first, if you haven't said anything about it? Especially when what he's doing seems to be working and is helping the teams score? And is he supposed to ignore what the person running the event says about playing when ready when you haven't even voiced that you'd like to go first a few times? Why would he assume he needs to change anything if no issue has been communicated? I mentioned that people also have different motivations for coming, and that it's a paid league. Not everyone is under the assumption that other people are trying to practice specific things, so if you're trying to get as many putts in and want to go first because of it, you need to communicate that, it's not your partners responsibility to make sure you get enough practice in. Or if they keep going first and making it, you just ask if you can go first because you haven't had a chance? Why was your first choice to not resolve the issue with one simple question, but instead you choose to just sit on it progressively getting more mad, and letting your entire night be ruined?

This also isn't the first time this has happened, last time she got upset from someone putting before her every time it was some highschool kid and again instead of saying anything about it she just waited until she was annoyed and made passive aggressive remarks about it near the end of the round. Ill also note I'm quite embarrassed and annoyed at her behavior with this in part because first off it feels that she's being insanely judgmental towards a friend of mine who is genuinely one of the nicest people I've met, but is just on the quiet side, but also when my mom started out getting into discgolf she asked if I mind if she comes to these events, and I said no I don't mind, but I did hesitate at first because I was worried that situations exactly like this would happen. In my 5 years of doing events here, I literally haven't had a single annoyance or confrontation with a single person, yet each of the last 2-3 years since she started, my mom has multiple things like this come up each year, so I'm definitely annoyed that simply by being her son I'm getting roped into all this drama, especially in what seems to me to be her not responding maturely in these situations.

Tldr: mother said bad things about my friend to me, and got visibly angry and annoyed discgolfing yet she didn't ever communicate a problem or annoyance with what he was doing because she thinks she shouldn't have had to, and that friend should have been more considerate, so instead she ended up getting more and more mad until others asked her what was wrong and communicated it to her partner instead of her.

okay so i had bought tickets to a 3 day festival that I was originally going to attend with my boyfriend. We have since broken up, and I was somewhat wavering if I should go but I was leaning towards selling the tickets.

It’s a big commitment, time off work, and financially a commitment as well. I was excited to go with my ex as we had similar people we wanted to see.

However, my friend texted while I was out of town asking if they should go, I said it would be fun if they came but told them we should talk when i get home.

Before i got home they had already bought the tickets. I feel like we want to see very different people at the festival and I honestly do not have much interest in attending with this friend. But I feel like a total AH if I don’t go now that they’ve bought the tickets.

so AITAH?

So yesterday, i was in an awful mood. I have two bosses at work that are essentially giant man children that don’t really know how to do anything for themselves. I deal with it with a smile most days but yesterday they really got under my skin. Then I get off work to pick all the kids up (we have 4 at home and 3 of them are fairly small). The 3-year old threw a fit from the time I got him in the car and the whole 25 minute drive home. To say that by the time I pulled into the drive, I was over it, is an understatement.

My husband was pulling in at the same time as me. He says he waved at me and I did not see. The three year old was still crying so my main mission was to get him inside and calm him down. As I’m walking into the house my husband says “nice to see you too” in a very sarcastic way.

We get inside and I tell him that I’m just in a mood and it has nothing to do with him - that he often does the same and expects me not to react so why is my situation any different?

After I take a moment to calm down, I try to calmly go tell him that I’m sorry if I made him upset, but that I just had a rough day and needed a moment to myself bc I didn’t want to take it out on the family. He proceeds to tell me that it is “unfair” for me to compare my “hissyfit” (his exact words) to his diagnosed mental health conditions. I tell him I have mental health issues of my own like anxiety/depression and he then tells me those aren’t “real” mental health problems. And that he has ACTUALLY had a hard day bc he had to stand in the rain all day at work. & then finishes it off with “I’m trying to be supportive” & I tell him I’m not allowing him to manipulate me into thinking calling my valid emotions a “hissyfit” is somehow him showing support.

We still aren’t talking much and went to bed without speaking. Everytime we get into these arguments & the dust settles, I find myself wondering if I was somehow in the wrong. I normally am first to apologize but my instinct here is that he is in fact being the asshole… not me. But idk. Hence me here asking strangers on the internet.

Let's say my friend works at a horse barn with a little over ten horses. Mucking stalls, cleaning fields, making sure waters are clean & filled, stacking hay shavings bathing etc. Barn owner invites friend to come stay for the summer, she brings a handful of horses with her. Barn worker assumes the friend would be taking care of her own horses, WRONG, no BO wants her to care for them too. Mind you- it's been hot as hell here, and there was already so much time in the day to get things done. Worker got home physically ill from pushing themselves to finish everything that had to be done(they get no breaks). Would worker be TA for telling BO that her buddy needs to care for their own horses? Or at least help in a meaningful capacity? OR, request compensation for stretching themselves thin to get everything done

I (26M) am getting married soon. Originally, my fiancée and I agreed on 6 bridesmaids and 6 groomsmen. One of the “late additions” was her cousin, who I’ll call Raymond (25M).

I hadn’t met Raymond before, but once we did meet, we actually got along really well. Same humour, loads of banter, respectful guy overall. Since he was always intended to be included eventually, I asked him to be a groomsman and he happily accepted. My friend who was there filled him in on all the wedding/stag plans.

A couple weeks later, Raymond and I went gym together. During that session he told me he was having a private surgery and might not be able to make the stag trip depending on recovery. He said he may need to decide last minute.

I told him that was completely understandable, but I also said TWICE that he needed to tell the stag group chat because my best man was organising everything and I’m intentionally not involved in planning.

The following weeks go by and Raymond is active in the group chat. Voting on activities. Voting on accommodation. Reacting to plans. General engagement. At no point does he tell anyone “I’m only 50/50” or “don’t book for me yet.”

Then 2 people drop out of the stag, leaving 4 people going. The group votes on accommodation and my best man books it. Naturally, he then asks everyone to transfer their share.

Everyone pays except Raymond.

For THREE WEEKS my best man chases him with no response. Then Raymond suddenly says he can’t come after all.

This completely blindsides me because I assumed everyone already knew his situation. Turns out… they didn’t. Because despite me telling him multiple times, he never actually informed the group he might back out.

Now my best man is stressed because the accommodation suddenly becomes way more expensive split between fewer people, and Raymond is stressed because he’s now expected to pay towards a trip he isn’t attending.

Raymond calls me and I try to mediate. I tell him to just contribute something for now because my best man urgently needs the money. Raymond then suggests a compromise himself:

“If you can find someone else to take my place, I’ll cover the first £100 and they can pay the other £200.”

Cool. Problem solved… or so I thought.

So now I’m doing awkward admin for a stag party I wasn’t even supposed to be organising. I’m messaging friends who weren’t picked as groomsmen asking if they want to come. Which honestly felt embarrassing.

Everyone says no.

Eventually, as a total last resort, I ask someone who isn’t even invited to the wedding and they agree to come specifically because the cost is reduced to £200 thanks to Raymond’s offer.

I message Raymond thinking he’ll be happy because instead of £300 he only has to pay £100 like HE suggested.

Instead, he sends me a massive paragraph saying he’s changed his mind and doesn’t think he should pay anything at all because he “never confirmed” he was coming and my best man “shouldn’t have booked before collecting money.”

I call him immediately because now I’ve got someone committed to this trip on the understanding Raymond would honour the £100 offer.

Raymond then admits he hadn’t even properly checked the group chat in weeks.

Which honestly made me even more annoyed because I specifically told him TWICE to communicate his situation to the group. He was still interacting with polls and plans which made everyone assume he was attending. He only told me he changed his mind about the £100 AFTER I found a replacement.

Eventually, after loads of stress and awkwardness, we got the £100 from him.

But now he’s dropped out of the wedding entirely, blocked me, blocked my fiancée (his own cousin), and blocked several friends too.

My fiancée thinks he’s embarrassed and avoiding accountability.

Some friends think he was obviously in the wrong because he failed to communicate properly and then backtracked on a promise after someone else committed financially based on it.

Others think my best man shouldn’t have booked accommodation without collecting everyone’s money first.

AITA?

this started because my friend keeps acting like i’m putting the guy i’m talking to over her, but i genuinely don’t feel like i am. we all talk every day in a group chat, me and her play games daily, and we’re on the phone often. me and him even make an effort to include her. if she feels left out, we’ll leave private calls to call in the group chat instead.

she sends tiktoks implying i ditch her for him, but can’t name actual situations where i’ve done that unless he needed me for something serious. she also gets upset if i’m already on the phone with him and don’t hang up to call her.

i told her sometimes i prefer calling him because we’re both quieter and can just exist together without nonstop talking, and that she talks too much and it feels like there has to be constant talking when I'm naturally quiet and don't like talking that much in the first place, so I usually just call when im actually in the mood to yap and give back the same energy.

she’s also upset i say i miss him more, but we’re constantly in contact, so i don’t really get the chance to miss her. meanwhile he’s usually busy with work, so naturally i do miss him a lot.

it just feels like she’s upset that i want alone time with someone i’m trying to build something serious with. especially because in the past she was heavily involved with people i talked to. calling, gaming, and messaging them without me and she didn’t see an issue then until I started keeping them more for myself.

i get that saying she talks too much came out harsh, but i don’t think wanting boundaries or 1v1 time with him means i’m putting him over her. AITAH?

My friend group consists of me (22F) and 4 other girls. Of course, we don't always agree to plans, vacation spots etc. But one of the girls seems to disagree with about EVERYTHING we plan. Sometimes I feel as though she says the opposite thing of everything on purpose.

Examples:

There are some specific parties that I enjoy, that only take place like 3-4 times a year, they play white girl music and have cheep drinks. Her alleged favorite bar is EXACTLY the same, only with more expensive drinks and ridiculously crowded. Whenever we plan to go to the specific party I like, she nags and says she hates it and wants to go to her favourite bar. When I ask her why, she says crap like "the vibe is off", "I feel depressed there" or other vague shit that makes no sense. One time she came, stayed for an hour, didn't move or even take her coat off and left.

Another example would be summer vacations. We recommend a bunch of destinations. And she straight up rejects every single one and instead recommends two places that would take 18 hours (!!) of travelling to get there.

We as a group enjoy hanging out at a specific chill spot with inexpensive wine, food and occasionally live music. Who could genuinely dislike that? And she whines and whines whenever we plan to go, says she hates it but NEVER gives a good reason as to why.

It's really getting on my nerves and I think it shows unfortunately. Maybe she's in the right because we don't really do the things she wants but they're always so random or unattainable. She recommends things like the opera or salsa club, some of which may be fun for once I guess but they usually require some fundamental enjoyment of that music or art form to participate. I'm also a metalhead but I wouldn't drag them to the metal club because I know that's a specific taste. Should we maybe try to do the things she recommends more often to be fair? AITAH?

Saw a post yesterday - a guy was abusing a dog, hitting the dog with a metal rod brutally. It was kinda gorey. I sent the post to my bestfriend. Wanted to discuss what we could do in such situations - whether we could call some number for such things, report it online somewhere and hoping someone must have done that already since the post already had the phone number of the guy who abused the dog. But then again I was not really seriously planning to call anyone , it was just a discussion.

Now this is where the topic gets diverted. She replies to what I said and then says "but you shouldn't be empathizing with the dog, non vegetarians ( I eat meat ) cannot empathize, there's no justification, end of argument". She is a vegetarian.

I tell her that it's really rude of her to say that I have no empathy, she argues back and we do this for 2 days. I keep telling her that if she thinks that then it's fine but she can't just say that to my face because that's very rude. Then she goes on to say "I'll say whatever I want, It's my opinion".

Then I replied to whatever she said. She starts this another conversation of what happened in her day etc. sending me 8-10 messages as if we never argued to begin with. I tell her to at least tell me that she won't say rude things like that again and to acknowledge that it was her fault. She goes on like "Of course I won't. You're full of ego". I reply " of course I am ! If you say something hurtful I expect you to take it back considering you're a good friend of mine". She denies again and I block her. Well she also blocked me after that. Idk what to do here.
EDIT: she is okay with watching gore, that's why I sent her that ,stop assuming.

So for context, my wife works as a brand manager in a big company and can choose, if she works from home or comes to the office for her shift. I'm a social worker and can only work on the go, to meet the people I help. On Monday, I took two days off at the end of the week (today & tomorrow). She usually goes to the office on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. When working from home, our living room is here Home-Office and she can use my PC desk to work, since I'm usually not at home.

Now I was hoping to spend a nice day off on the couch or on my PC, but she spontaneously decided to stay home for work. Now the living room is occupied with her meetings and while I could technically still be there and play on a console using headphones, I kind of feel like this is unfair. The weather is bad, she knows I planned on just hanging out in the living room.

AITAH for preferring her not to work from home today?

Hey everyone. I found out through my aunt (mom’s sister) that my moms feelings were hurt because I didn’t give my mom a separate Mother’s Day card. I had my 5 year old daughter make her a very involved card. We did it together and it took probably an hour. Apparently my moms feelings were still hurt that I didn’t give her a separate card just from me.
AITAH?

So yesterday my property manager sent all the tenants at my apartment complex that they were having a “Private Event and half of our apartment complex parking lot was going to be reserved for their “VIP Guests”. Well they didn’t bother to accommodate the fact that they didn’t leave enough space for the actual residents to park their vehicles and even the front street was completely full. I had no choice but to park in one of their reserved spaces and that was already an issue for me because I’m disabled and this is literally all the way on the other side of a very leather complex and I have mobility issues. I found out this morning from one of the other tenants on Facebook that their private event was our grand opening and they conveniently didn’t invite us as they are smugly celebrating a new community that they excluded the actual community members from attending. That was already completely disrespectful and tone deaf for all those involved in the event but this afternoon when I finally felt strong enough to walk all the way back to my car because I was going to take myself to Urgent Care my car was missing. There was no one in the office (they took the day off to celebrate their achievement). And they don’t have any emergency contact information so I finally found the maintenance guy who was cleaning up the VIP garbage and asked him in the middle of my asthma/panic attack combo if he knew if anyone had seen my car. He told us that management had anyone who was parked in their “Reserved Event Parking” towed before the event even started. They didn’t attempt to contact us or give us a chance to move our vehicles, they just moved them, had their ceremony and went home without saying anything to anyone. This may be where I’m the A/H and I probably overreacted. But I called the housing authority who was at the ceremony and complained but they said that they just funded the project and didn’t want to get involved. So I filed a complaint with the Americans with Disabilities act and I called the governors office and complained and anyone else I thought might be able to help me get my car back. I guess one lovely gentleman that I contacted did feel sorry for me and had the corporate owners office for the property called me. I proceeded to tell her just how tone-deaf and disrespectful this whole ordeal was to the tenants and how particularly hypocritical it was to have a community dedication ceremony while excluding the very community itself and that they owe all of us a very sincere apology and that their communication skills are pathetic and absolutely condescending and just how inconsiderate everyone involved in today actually was. So AITAH for calling out their behavior and demanding an apology to all of the tenants

My neighbour has 3 cars. Two are general use and one is a 2007 Porsche 911. The Porsche he keeps in his garage and pulls it out once or twice a week to sit on his drive way, running the engine. After about 10-15 mins he sometimes drives off in it, other times it just goes back into the garage or stays on the drive.

The car when running is loud and although my house isn’t attached to his it makes my house vibrate. I didn’t think letting your car run like this was needed anymore with cars?

So am I the AH for being annoyed at this or is he just a car wxnker?

Am I an A*hole Redditor? I've browsed Reddit occasionally for several years after discovering it through AITAH content. I'd never posted, commented or voted on anything...until recently.

On a whim, I decided to post in the /NoStupidQuestions subreddit to ask something that's always puzzled me. Not that serious, I thought. I just asked about the appeal of a certain iconic theme park in Florida.

I was fairly blunt in the way I worded it so that the people the destination appeals to would understand where I was coming from and be able to give useful answers. You can see the post here: "Disney World sounds like Hell on Earth. What am I missing?"

While I received a lot of genuine, thoughtful answers, I also unleashed a flurry of unexpectedly angry responses: some vile insults (that the Mods promptly deleted) as well pissed-off comments to the effect of, "The answer is obvious." But then no mention or real explanation of what that obvious answer was.

After a few days of replying to some of the most useful comments, I realized that almost none of my responses were appearing. I did a little digging, and it turns out that so many angry people had downvoted my first two replies that it shot my Comment Karma down to lowest possible negative score before Reddit stops counting.

(For those who don't know what Reddit karma is--I didn't--Redditors get a few kinds of “karma" scores based on upvotes and downvotes to their posts and comments. Different subreddits have different rules about minimum scores to participate.)

I wonder if I might be the AH because my post and comments clearly upset a lot of people. The post, admittedly, was blunt. I underestimated how much of an emotional connection some people had to the topic. I'm generally known as a really nice person and would avoid yucking someone's yum in day-to-day life.

Was I being a jerk for the way I was Redditting? Or were the people who reacted so strongly the ones being the AHs?

I'm(29) relatively low contact with my family. It's been that way for most of my adult life. Not because of any big incident or transgression, but because over time I came to realise that being around them was bad for me.

Growing up, my mom struggled with bi polar disorder - which was first triggered as a result of the post-partum depression she suffered after having my little sister. From my perspective, her personality changed drastically over those years. She went from an ally/confidant to a scary, unstable wildcard and, as I got older, eventually became an enemy. When I was little her behaviour, while manic, would range anywhere from repainting the downstairs of our house while we were asleep to getting it in her head that she needed to drive her car into a wall with all of us in it (my eldest sister stopped her).

These days I just try to avoid her. She's stable now. But during my 20s she was inexplicably cruel, mean, and manipulative and whenever I would try to confront her on that she would play the victim and I would look like the aggressor. Ultimately I decided she wasn't worth having an active relationship with, and gradually faded away from the family.

My older sister, lets call her Sonia(31), reached out to me a few years back wanting to reconnect. By this point I basically never visited home anymore - and since all of my sisters (one younger, two older) continued living with our parents throughout their twenties, that meant I never saw them either. She'd gotten married, had a couple of kids, and in the wake of Covid decided that family was important - so we started meeting up, going on walks, and talking things out.

From her perspective, my disconnection from the family was my fault and the result of my unresolved trauma. She would use that phrase repeatedly. As a teenager I saw a therapist over 'anger issues' and was prescribed Prozac. She describes me during that time as 'scary.' I was bigger than all of them, prone to outbursts, and seemed to bristle at all times. I was never violent, but she says she feared me regardless. To be honest, I was afraid of myself.

In my twenties I sought help for depression, anxiety, and these 'anger issues.' I learned about CBT, took an emotional inventory, and tried my best to work through it. It was helpful. But the depression lingered, as did the 'anger issues.' Eventually, after a failed suicide attempt, I just accepted both as part of my life.

At the tail end of Covid, Sonia made this attempt to reconnect with me. Over time my conversations with her started to feel like conversations with my mom - in that I would always come away from them feeling terrible about myself, like something inside me was broken and the sharp edges of it were hurting people. Throughout this, I was trying to get her to understand that my reasons for going low contact had nothing to do with unresolved trauma, 'anger issues,' or anything that happened then, and were simply a result of not wanting to be around mom as she is now. She was not receptive.

All of us spent our childhoods protecting mom. Insulating her from the effect she was having on us, lest that realisation cause a relapse that would see her taken away from us again. We all got very adept at hiding emotions, and re-framing emotional situations so as to 'manage the vibe' in the house. As I got older I started to see this behaviour as toxic and no longer wanted to participate. I would call mom out on the weird, hurtful shit she said, and inevitably one of my sisters would jump to her defence, regardless of context.

In our final conversation, Sonia said my low contact status was a way to punish mom for our childhoods. I disagreed. Sonia said some hurtful things. I went no contact with her. That was three years ago.

In those three years, I've gone back to college (dropped out in my teens). I'm a year away from a degree. After struggling a lot in first year, I approached the counseling service. Through them I was able to see an OT, and eventually get assessed for ADHD and ASD. Turns out I have both. After going through an exhaustive personal history with a psych, it's likely my 'anger issues' were emotional dysregulation caused by autistic burnout. Essentially I've been masking my whole life and I didn't know that - so whenever I ran out of energy to mask I would have a meltdown.

This has shaken me a little. I never felt like I had 'anger issues.' That always felt like something I was told, but didn't fit my perception of myself. I didn't feel 'angry.' I felt profoundly sad and alone. So to hear a medical professional lay out this alternative explanation that resonated much more closely with my subjective identity was transformative.

When I saw the therapist as a teenager, she was keen to drill down on my issues and find a diagnosis, but when she relayed her theories to my mom, mom pulled me from therapy. Her greatest fear was me turning out to have a mental disorder and her being blamed. So it turns out I likely could've received this diagnosis twenty years ago and gotten treatment. And let me tell you, taking ADHD meds for the first time this year was earth shattering for me. I never knew I could feel this calm. I never knew I wasn't calm before. I thought that constant edge and anxiety I experienced was just how people felt. It's re-contextualised so much of my life and honestly I grieve for those decades where I was adrift and just trying to not be anyone's problem.

I told my family and nobody cares. They're not interested in rehashing the past, have no intention of re-framing their perception of me, and don't really care that I've been suffering all this time. Which, to be honest, I expected, but it still hurt to have it confirmed. They still think my low contact/no contact status is me punishing them for a difficult childhood. They still think my attitude towards mom is retribution for traumas rendered. And they still think I'm just an angry guy who refuses to 'get along.' Basically, they think I'm an asshole.

So what do you think?

Hi, so im 17F and the dude I bullied is also 17M. At first, I would like to acknowledge. I'm not sure if this is bullying. You can judge yourself after I tell the story

. I was bullied in my previous school, and I had no firends. i was really isolated, but I really made it my goal to not give up to keep trying to change and improve because I knew i was a weirdo and that's why people didn't like me so i had to change, well then i went to high school, and i was mostly liked but if there was any issue i would want to lean from that to be better.

i was involved in multiple dramas in our class, i am really impulsive nd i have anger issues, so yeah, tho after asking a few people around me what i could've done better for these situations to happen, I got so feedback critisising me so I'm aware that yeah there must be a reason why im getting easily into conflict and it is defidenetively something i need to work on

There is this dude that's really an asshole most of the people in my clas laugh at him and just talk behind his bak how weird he is, well i mostly avoided doing that, once at the board game i had with friends, he forcefully tagged along, and what i mean by forcefully, he was asking enough times that the time girl at our table eventually said sure. While we were playing, he started to change our rules and say he won, he won, where everyone was getting annoyed but complained anyway, I said "no fuck you, this isn't your game, you are playing by our rules" he got kicked out of the game because i waslo insisted to stand our ground and not willing to bend the rules just for that asshole. there were few ore instinces like this and he went to the teacher saying im bullying him and setting people agaist him, which well is mostly untrue most people didnt like him i just wanted to say it to his face because when i was bullied in my other school nobody would say what i do is wrong to my face and i didnt know what to change about my self, so i prefer to say to him ven in a mean way what he is doing is wrong rather than comply and talk badly about him. Now the teacher said im the bad guy, and I can't even critisize hi as he insults me for being fat. I know I did wrong, and I know im doing bad right now because I'm talking about him behind his back. After all, he truly pisses me off. One more thing, during the math lessons I always try to correct others' mistakes on the board, I know it might seem a little annoying, but most of the people don't mind it and even appreciate it. I don't correct like big mistakes they do, I just say "hey, you did that calculation wrong" cause if the math teacher sees it, she'll just insult you for being a dumbass. Anyway, whenever I tried to say "dude, you are making the same mistake again," he'd flip out or ignore me. I know I could stop, but he was doing the same exercise for 20 minutes, and I wanted to do the next, so I wanted to speed it up. He just gets insulted because his ego is too high

. I don't know its hard for me to let go... Most of the class said I'm right, but still im the only one that has problems with that dude cause i only truly spoke agaist him. Oh, and also, he is treated like a child because he has autism, which pisses me off more because I know people who have autism, and they do not act like spoiled rich brats. I have ADHD, so it's just unfair that people with autism are treated like special smart kids while im only treated like a problem

. Sorry for such a rant. I genuinely want to listen to advice or critisizm cause i dont want to be the bad guy in this situation

edit:
I read through the comment, and I have to admit I am the asshole. I feel really bad cause i got bullied and now I kinda became one, and well, it's hard because I never wanted to be this way. It doesn't matter if the dude is mean or if he insults others, I shouldn't speak in such a way about him if I know im more liked and it can turn others agaist him. But to be honest, it just pissed me off that everyone was encouraging him to act a certain way and everyone would laugh behind his back; it's just cruel, and I thought that telling him to his face was a better way, but I am also a bad person to him. It's my fault. It's my fault he felt the need to go to the teacher and ask for help; he probably felt really shitty and didn't understand why I'm insulting him like this. I'm at least glad even tho it's hard to deal with my anger issues, I truly apologized to him, and I am trying to change. And even happier I am that he managed to kind of change too, and he has a few friends now, the only thing is that they all laugh at him behind his back, but that is not my problem to solve.

But still it confuses me cause when I tried to talk to anyone about this, they see the situation and say that I did a lot of bad things, but say that I am not in the wrong.

(I wanted to aslo he was, he was bullying in his prevoius my now best friend to the point my best friend was scared to go to school)