r/AITAH

I (32M) am planning to ask my gf (36F) to marry me soon. We’ve talked about it a lot, and she says that she wants me to get an engagement necklace instead of an engagement ring, which I am super fine with. My gf even picked out the exact necklace she would want. She also doesn’t like diamonds for the necklace, so I asked her what exactly she would want and she gave me a link to the necklace she would want. The necklace that she asked for was very cheap (like $50), but she seemed to like it and who am I to disagree if that’s what she wants.

However, my mother has been completely against the idea about getting a necklace instead of a ring. My mother was adamant that an engagement ring should be a diamond and not a necklace. This has led to a lot of arguing between my mother and I since I am only trying to get what my girlfriend wants, but my mom is more traditional when it comes to these things. Part of her argument is that what I get for an engagement should last forever and what my girlfriend specifically asked for may get damaged overtime easier since it’s cheaper. My mom is also adamant that my gf asked for that particular necklace for money reasons, which my gf has made clear that money has nothing to do with it. She just doesn’t like diamonds and she works a lot with her hands so she said she would prefer a necklace.

I bought the necklace but a part of me thinks that maybe a ring to go along with the necklace could maybe work since the necklace is partially meant to have a ring on it. My brother has even backed up my mom about the whole thing and thinks getting a ring would be better. I am also worried that her family might think I’m cheap which isn’t my intent. I am just trying to make my gf happy. I hate how I am letting other people’s opinions get to me, but I don’t want there to be anything that would ultimately cause problems for my gf. I also am frustrated cause I wanted to make the whole thing a surprise, but that’s not possible with how the situation has developed. Should I get a ring with the necklace? I feel like if I do the necklace by itself then I am being too cheap. Should I just use the necklace by itself? Would that make me the AH?

Edit:
Wow there has been a lot of replies really fast! Just wanted to clarify. I am getting her the necklace no matter what. There was no universe where I would let my mother make me not get a necklace since it’s what my gf wanted and I’d never take my mother’s opinion over what my gf wanted. My dilemma was that other peoples opinions made me feel like it wasn’t enough or that it was incomplete. The main question was if I should get a ring as well. Thank you for the comments though!

My friend is staying over for two nights, today is the first night. 

I hate smoking with a burning passion (cigarettes, e cigarettes , it’s all the same to me). I told her specifically she couldn’t smoke at my house. I even asked her not to smoke in my staircase when she first tried to and told her to smoke outside instead. 

After we went to sleep (she’s sleeping in my living room), I had to get up before falling asleep to go to the bathroom and smelled that she had smoked inside my bathroom. I asked her and she tried to deny it, kept insisting she didn’t, but finally gave in, admitted it and said sorry. 

Am I overreacting? I really don’t want her to stay the second night anymore.

EDIT: because in my native language they're both called smoking, but she was vaping an e-cigarette. But to me it doesn't make a difference. I am equally scared of them both cigs and e-cigs

A little background - I have OCD, most pronounced is my contamination OCD. I have avoided close contact with people for years. I almost never invite people over. This is the first time I even let someone stay at my house, it was a huge huge step for me, but I wanted to start living a more normal life little by little.

I made sooo so much effort to host her. I bought all new beddings, mattress cover, pillows, duvet, sheets, etc. I washed and dried all the bedding for her, I washed a new set of PJs so that she has something fresh to change into after showering. I bought groceries for those two days, made her a really nice dinner the first night

Before having her over, I was taking care of my sick puppy, I had virtually no sleep and was completely exhausted. I took my dog to my parents for these couple days while she’s staying over. And all the fatigue and released stress just came flooding. I was finally going to get a good night sleep, but now I cannot fall asleep anymore because I’m super anxious and stressed about what happened. Instead of sleeping I had to deal with airing out the smoke - and my OCD just doesn’t let me open a window and leave it at that. I totally start spiraling in situations like that. I also spilled a drink (that she left on the carpet) while trying to air the room+bathroom out, so I had to deal with that too. All this on top of feeling super exhausted after all the stress of taking care of my puppy. I almost cannot handle it now. All this happened at 3 a.m. 

I am very very upset, mostly because I already felt it was hard for me to trust people, and this just reinforced that belief, which I have been working so hard to be better at and open up more. I feel like I just took 3 steps back. 

I am thinking to ask her not to stay the second night as planned. WIBTA? She has some other friends and family in this city

We had a family reunion this weekend, and I brought my 28 year old convertible to the party. I parked it on the side away from everyone, so it doesn't get hit. It's a very clean car and has no dents or damage. It's my baby, it's technically a "classic".

My cousin showed up when it was dark, and parked next to it. Later on, when grabbing a bag out of my car. I found my cousin hit my car, causing a massive dent and paint missing. I did confront him and show him the damage, he didn't even notice he hit it. We did exchange a few words. But I just let it go as our weekend was literally just starting. I wanted us all to have a good time, drama free.

We all were leaving today, and I told my cousin that we need to arrange something because my car needs to be fixed. He was not happy at all and wasn't expecting me to ask him to fix it. He stood there with his mouth open at me. I had to involve his mother (he is a 33 year old stoner if that matters) and tell her that he hit my car.

We did make an arrangement and it's being fixed once I find a shop. But now, the relationship I had with my cousin is probably done. He ignored me while I loaded my car, and shot some nasty looks my way. (I live 6 hours away in another state and we never see each other, only at these reunions.)

AITAH?

I (M 22) live with my brother (M 30) and his wife (F 29). I’ve been living with them for about a year now (i pay $200 in rent a month) and honestly hasn’t been the most pleasant experience.

they rarely ever clean up after themselves in the shared living space (the kitchen, the living room). the dishes in the sink is usually a week or two weeks old with remnants of rotten spoiled food on them — especially with cups, they have chunks in them and smell of vomit from it fermenting in them. i then have wash and put away the dishes so we can have plates and cups to use, or so that i can use some of their pans to cook my own meal — AND so that we dont have ANOTHER fruit fly infestation.

i rarely ever use their dishes, majority of the time i just use paper plates and one frying pan when eating and making food because of this, especially since theres still food engraved into some of them even after going through the dishwasher. they don’t even put away the clean dishes half the time either or even start up the dishwasher when they’re dirty, they just sit there while more dishes pile up in the sink so i end up doing it myself.

not only that though is the stove whenever they cook food is always dirty, with the messy pan also still on the stove. i won’t lie and say i havent left a dirty pan on the stove, because i have but only when theres literally no space in the sink or dishwasher — and whenever i do cook the entire stove isnt a mess.

they don’t ever clean unless someone is coming over or if they’re cooking food again.

also majority of the time the trash is full and overloading with their stuff. i won’t lie again and say i don’t throw things away, but when i do its mostly just paper towels from washing my hands.

they have a dog (husky, 3yo, F) who always does something when theyre not looking or when theyre gone. shes a real pain in the ass honestly, and always goes potty in the house whenever theyre not looking. my brother, whenever hes home rarely takes her out if hes gaming in his game room. so, whenever i walk out of my room, guess who has to pick up after his dog?

this has been a frequent occurrence also, they don’t pay attention to their dog and i ultimately have to clean up after her because im the one to see it. shes not even my dog, its his — he doesn’t properly care for her. he rarely ever plays with her, walks her, or give her any sort of stimulation. this is also a dog that he himself wanted. whenever he gets mad at her he does sometimes gets physical with her instead of just reprimanding and putting her in the crate. both my brother and sis-in-law are busy people so they rarely had time to train her, and now that they have a baby, even more so now than ever, which is why shes the way she is. shes stubborn and doesn’t learn, even with being 3.

they used to crate her before leaving for work but alot recently theyve been keeping her out because they want to allow her to roam around — but they dont tell me that they let her out, so as soon as i wake up i walk out to a pile of shit or pee that i dont have time to clean up because i need to get ready for work.

the other day this happened before i needed to leave, so i crated her up and left paper towels over the puddle to which my brother had to clean up when he came home from work.

ANYWAYS, this all led to my brother chewing me out the other day. he was mad at me for not picking up his dog’s pee properly as he had to “scrub inbetween the tiles to get rid of the urine stains” which mind you, he didnt clean the grout — i did. i used a grout cleaning bottle that he had and let the tiles soak in it for like 5 minutes until the yellow stains disappeared and then mopped it up. he said that i rarely do the dishes and never put out the trash when its full. he also got mad at me for not bringing the trash cans to the side of the road and or back behind the house — and when i said “You didn’t tell me you wanted me to do that.” he said that it was common sense to be doing that and to not get argumentative.

so what do you guys think, am i the asshole?

EDIT: i am moving back in with my parents next week. i don’t have or make enough money due to student loans and car payment so for financial reasons i unfortunately can’t live on my own for now.

I (28F) enrolled in 8 hours of driving lessons at a local driving school. Each lesson is scheduled on Mondays for 4 weeks. I had my first lesson last week, and the second lesson was supposed to be today. Nothing in the contact says this but they sent a text at 6 PM the day before lessons that verbatim says: “Hi, it’s Dick from Dick Driving School confirming tomorrow’s lesson from 6 PM to 8 PM with Instructor Dickinson. Can you please confirm your pickup address no later than 8 PM this evening? Thank you.”

I didn’t reply until 1 PM today (the day of the driving lesson) with my address (which hasn’t changed). They replied with a thumbs-up emoji 👍, just like they did for my first lesson. Great.

At 6 PM, they didn’t show up, so I texted them, and they replied saying my pickup wasn’t happening because I hadn’t replied to their text on time.

I already prepaid for these lessons. They wouldn’t have lost any money by coming today. These lessons weren’t scheduled months in advance either. On top of that, they only gave me 2 hours to reply.

I texted and called them after they told me they wouldn’t come pick me up, and they haven’t replied. They didn’t offer any alternatives either like me coming to the school.

Am I the asshole? I know businesses don’t want no-shows. I’m not sure if this is normal, and I’m wondering if I’m in the wrong for not confirming in time.

I feel like if I paid for an appointment and I don’t show up that’s on me… Canceling without telling me and also taking my money is sketchy at the very least.

AITA for asking my wife to rehome the English bulldog puppy we got three days ago?

My wife and I have around $100k in total debt, including student loans, credit cards, and other debt. I’ve been aggressively paying down my credit card debt for months, often leaving myself with less than $100 in my bank account after payments.

My wife has always wanted an English bulldog because of an emotional connection to one she had in the past. I wasn’t against getting a dog, but I was very against getting an English bulldog specifically. I was worried about the breed’s common health issues, breathing problems, possible vet bills, and the fact that we live in an apartment. The dog is 8 months old and already around 40 lbs.

I told my wife I didn’t think this was financially responsible right now. She was very upset and didn’t talk to me for about a week. Eventually, I agreed to meet the dog because I felt pressured, but also because I wanted to make her happy.

Part of why I agreed was because we made an agreement: if we kept the dog, she would take main responsibility for the dog and also start following a healthier routine, like working out, eating better, cooking more, and taking better care of herself. I know that may sound bad, but I wasn’t trying to control her or make her “earn” the dog. I usually do the cooking and cleaning, and I’ve been worried about her health because she often eats mostly packaged snacks, ramen, beef sticks, Rice Krispies, etc. Her mom has colon cancer, so I worry about her ignoring her health.

To be fair, she has been trying to follow the schedule since we got the dog. But now that the dog is actually here, I feel like I made a mistake. The dog is sweet and hasn’t done anything wrong. I just don’t think we can responsibly afford this specific breed right now, especially if medical issues come up. I’m also worried the care and costs will eventually become a shared burden we are not ready for.

I asked my wife to rehome the dog now, after only three days, rather than wait until we are more attached or financially worse off. She reluctantly agreed, but she is hurt and angry and really pissed at me (obviously). I understand why. I know I should have stood firm before the dog came home instead of agreeing and then changing my mind after.

I don’t hate the dog, and I’m not against us having a dog someday. I just think this dog, this breed, and this timing are not financially responsible for us.

AITA?

TL;DR: My wife and I have around $100k in debt. She wanted an English bulldog, which I worried we couldn’t afford because of the breed’s health risks and our apartment situation. I eventually agreed under pressure and after making an agreement about dog care and healthier routines, but after three days I realized I still don’t think we can responsibly keep the dog. My wife is hurt and angry, and I feel terrible. AITA for asking to rehome the dog?

Edit/update: A few clarifications after reading the comments.

My wife does work and agreed to pay for a lot of the dog’s expenses. We also have pet insurance through my work. But even if she covers most of the dog costs, she would barely have money left over afterward. My thinking was that while we are in this much debt, every spare dollar either of us has should go toward paying it down or building stability.

So my concern is not just “can we technically pay for the dog month to month?” It’s that keeping the dog would significantly slow down our debt payoff and leave us with less room for emergencies, especially with a breed that can have expensive health issues.

I also realize the health/lifestyle agreement was a mistake to connect to the dog. I was worried about my wife taking care of herself and thought a schedule might help, but I understand now that getting a dog does not fix someone’s routine, diet, or lifestyle. Those are separate issues, and I should not have mixed them together.

I accept that I handled this badly. I should not have agreed to get the dog if I was still this uncomfortable. My concerns about money and the breed may be valid, but agreeing and then backtracking after three days was unfair to my wife and the dog.

Me and my girlfriend are planning on moving in together in January, and we have agreed to have a completely gluten free kitchen because I am allergic to gluten. Even cross contact with gluten makes me very sick. She is not allergic to gluten, so she will have a small drawer set next to her desk that will hold all her gluten snacks, and thats where she will eat them, not using our dishes or kitchen for it in any way. No one will be allowed to bring gluten foods into our home. This is the agreement we made, and the rules we set together for our home.

A couple weeks ago my sister mentioned wanting to move in with us. I told her thats fine with me and we'd have to talk to GF first. I then told her that our kitchen is also going to be gluten free, and she freaked out. She kept going on about how I currently live in a gluten kitchen (ignoring the fact that I still get sick every day from it), and why can't I just keep doing what I'm doing now?? I told her that she could have as much gluten stuff as she wanted in her room, and we could even set up a little kitchenette for her in there if she really wanted, but the kitchen and mine and my gf's dishes will remain gluten free, and if she brought her own dishes, she would be expected to hand wash them instead of using the dishwasher.

She brought up that we'd all be paying the same rent, and that she should get to use the kitchen as much as we do, and I said she could as long as theres no gluten in what she's making. I can see how she thinks its unfair, but this is about my health and safety. I don't want to continue being sick every day from cross contamination. I'm not telling her she needs to give up gluten completely, just that she needs to keep it out of our kitchen.

At this point, I'm tempted to tell her that if she can't respect my health needs, then she can't move in with us, but I want to know if I'm being TAH or not, so AITAH?

My (27F) best friend (27F) and I have been best friends for about 14 years.

My boyfriend (30M) and I recently went through a really rough patch and were on the verge of breaking up. We took about a week apart, and during that time I went on a camping trip with my best friend and her boyfriend.

Some background is important. About 10-12 years ago, before I ever met my boyfriend, he and my best friend briefly hooked up a few times. They were never in a relationship, but they did have a sexual history.

Around that same time, my boyfriend did something I think was objectively wrong. His ex girlfriend found this and spread “rumors” around school and on social media, that he has admitted to me is true. He kept an album on his phone containing explicit or suggestive photos of women he’d been involved with. Some of the photos had been sent to him by the women themselves, or sent to him by his friends that received pictures from women, while others (including one of my best friend) were taken without their knowledge. Not explicit sexual ones, but ones in school or public. Still wrong, just context. He has admitted this happened, told me he’s deeply ashamed of it, and says he hasn’t been that person for over a decade. I don’t excuse what he did, and we’ve had to have many conversations about it to help me find peace and acceptance, which he has been more than willing to talk about for me and with me, but I’ve chosen to believe people can change because I’ve never seen anything remotely similar from him during our relationship. And he’s very transparent with his phone.

When my boyfriend and I first started dating, he specifically asked my best friend not to continue telling people about this because he was embarrassed and wanted to leave that part of his life behind. She agreed and promised she wouldn’t.

Fast forward to the camping trip. My best friend and her boyfriend were asking about my relationship because they thought we were probably breaking up. During that conversation, her boyfriend suddenly brought up my boyfriend’s old photo album and said he never wanted to hang out with my boyfriend again because of it.

That was the first time I realized my best friend had told him.

What bothered me wasn’t only that she told him. It was largely because she told him without giving the full context. She lied to her boyfriend about her true body count, past, and has never told him about her and my boyfriend’s past. She told him that her photos were in the album, but didn’t tell him that she and my boyfriend had previously hooked up or that one of the photos was one she had voluntarily sent him while they were seeing each other.

Because of that conversation, her boyfriend now wants nothing to do with mine.

After my boyfriend and I reconciled and decided to work on our relationship (we’ve even started couples therapy), I texted my best friend and confronted her. I did so very respectfully and I told her I understood that what my boyfriend did years ago was wrong, but I didn’t understand why she decided to voluntarily bring up a decade-old mistake that had nothing to do with why we were almost breaking up. I also told her I felt like she omitted important context that in turn, made him look even worse.

Her response was verbatim “wtf” “well you don’t have to worry about the tension from my boyfriend because he doesn’t want to hang out with him anymore” “If you’re upset because I didn’t keep your boyfriend’s dirty secret, fine. Why would I owe him any loyalty after what he’s been putting you through?” She also said she doesn’t want to be around him anymore anyway. I’d also like to add additional context for clarity; she never thought this past mistake of his was worthy of disliking him or disliking us together. She will defend him sometimes when I vent about an argument to her, saying something like “he’s a good man” or things along those lines. She even told me multiple times when he and I first started talking that “he’s always been a great guy” and “he’s a good guy, you better not hurt him” so I say all that to say, she never used his past against him or disliked him for it. In fact, they got along very well all this time until now.

For what it’s worth, I completely understand if she doesn’t like my boyfriend now because of things she’s seen happen during our relationship. That’s her choice, her opinion, and I can respect that. My issue is specifically that she aired out his dirty laundry, which had nothing to do with our rocky relationship, after she promised him she wouldn’t, all while being dishonest about her own and not giving the context and truth as to why and how she was involved in part of his dirty laundry, creating awkwardness and tension in our friend group that can’t really be undone.

I told my boyfriend and he was initially upset about it. He felt exposed, judged, etc. but he felt wronged because she specifically promised him she wouldn’t tell anyone about it and she also didn’t give true context. He feels as though she threw him under the bus while sitting on her faux high horse. He initially wanted to reach out to her boyfriend & tell him the truth himself but after thinking about it, he said he’s not going to do anything but will tell him the truth if her boyfriend ever asks him about it directly.

AITA for confronting her about it?

My husband and I have a friend who is loud and obnoxious. I try to keep her at arms length, and I know she annoys other people at our parties. Recently, I put my foot down and told him I didn’t want her at our house. I’ve been working a lot of overtime and mentally I cannot deal with her antics. I have been planning a World Cup finals party.
She called him this week because her cat died. He invited her to the party. I am super pissed about this. He blamed his actions on the dead cat. So now I have to put up with her at my party in my home. I specifically asked him not to do this. I am thinking of canceling the entire thing. I rather watch it alone than deal with her bullshit. Maybe I will go watch the game at a local bar.

For context I’m an 18 (M) work more then full time at my new job. I pay almost all of the bills, cook, tidy up and I’m planning a vacation for us all at the same time. She does work but she only buys groceries maybe once a month and I recently started working a new job aswell as keeping my old one (I work about 60h a week) for this new job I have to wake up early around 5am. Yesterday I started getting ready for bed around 8:30-9pm and she said that she felt like we barely got any time together and I had said I mean yea I cooked dinner and yoh played the game we haven’t really done much together. She got a bit irritated but she was fine. Today I started my new job and she went and did something with her mom again and I asked her not to get mad when I start to get ready for bed around 8-9 and she said that she doesn’t like my new job then was snappy and got off the phone. To be clear I do not make stupid amounts of money and I work very hard to support her and make sure I’m helping her with the cleaning around the house. Tonight I plan on telling her that she pretty much will have to get over it because I’m trying to do what I can to support us. Edit: she does do the majority of the cleaning

Hi everybody, could really use some perspective here but my job requires me to travel pretty much every week. I’ve been doing this job even before I met my spouse and we had a child who is now one. My spouse goes into a fit of rage every time I leave the house for work. I’ve tried modified travel weeks, like leaving Monday nights vs Monday mornings and returning Wednesday vs Thursday. Our child is in daycare but I also hired nanny support for after daycare help and activities. When I’m home (fridays - mondays) I assume responsibilities of our child but even that doesn’t seem to be enough….

I’ve even started looking for roles remote (currently interviewing) knowing I’ll probably take a pay cut.

I don’t know what else to do but everything I do just doesn’t seem to be enough. I also support our family financially (wife works and has a good job, she just has poor spending habits).

but it’s gotten to the point where I’m looking for new jobs to allow me to be remote. So AITAH or am I just in a super sh*tty situation?

basically me and my girlfriend had stayed in a hotel a few days ago. She had gotten there before me so I sent her $300 for her to check in. It was 120 for the room and the rest of the money was for the deposit. So basically she checked in and paid with the money I gave her. later on she had told me how long would the deposit take to go back into her account. I told her that it would take at least two days she asked, if I wanted the money back. I thought about it for a little bit, and I told her that she could actually keep it if she likes. That’s just me being a good boyfriend I guess. She was pretty happy and excited that she could get to keep the money and that’s all that mattered in the moment. Fast-forward to today, I work pretty far so a lot of the times I have to fill up on gas. Thankfully, there’s cheap gas where I live. Anyways when I finished work, I was about to head home and realize that I had no gas. I get paid tomorrow, so my account actually has no money in it. I kinda freaked out and i don’t know why I thought that the deposit would come back to me, but then i realized that my gf got the deposit back . I texted her and asked her if she got it back and she told me yes. I explained to her that I was actually stuck at work with no gas and wanted to see if she could let me borrow just 10 bucks to get home. She immediately started telling me that I told her she can keep it and that I shouldn’t be asking her for money. I told her that I knew what I said, but I really just needed to 10 to get home and that I could pay her back tomorrow since I get paid. She told me knowing that if I kept asking her, she would block me. Which made me even more mad so I just stopped texting her. I guess this is my fault but in reality she wouldn’t even have that money if it wasn’t for me, and I know it’s only 10 bucks but that’s literally the only reason why I’m having this issue. Am I wrong for asking her for the 10 bucks back or does she have a valid point for keeping the money?

My boyfriend was supposed to cook dinner tonight: pan-fried potatoes, fish, and boiled broccoli with lemon juice, olive oil, and garlic.

The thing is, he almost never cooks—except when I’m not home. And even then it’s usually just fried potatoes or quesadillas.

I don’t know how we ended up here, but we’ve been together for 7 years and we have an almost 2-year-old. I do pretty much all the cooking and grocery shopping. If I say I don’t feel like cooking, his solution is usually to order takeout. I’ve told him many times that I feel like I carry more of the day-to-day household responsibilities, especially the ongoing tasks like laundry, cooking, groceries, etc. He always says he does a lot too, mainly things like tidying up.

What really bothers me is what feels like his lack of independence. One time I was helping a friend move, and we were having guests over that afternoon. He wanted to make something using a recipe, but he kept calling me every few minutes asking where things were or how to do something.

Tonight he was cooking and asked me how long the broccoli should boil and how to cook the fish. I told him to just look it up because I didn’t know off the top of my head either. At one point I lifted the lid off the pot and saw that he had put an entire head of broccoli in there without cutting it up. I laughed because it looked ridiculous, but I also felt myself getting irritated. He got angry and said I was making fun of him.

AITAH for laughing?

EDIT: I wasn’t full-on laughing at him, just a little laugh or chuckle. I laughed because I wasn’t expecting to find a whole broccoli in a pan when I lifted the lid. After that chuckle, the irritation came.

Hello, I’m in the army and as the title says I’m wanting to see if I can go home for my dads bday to surprise him, but the difficult part is I have 10 leave days for it and my dads bday on 31 and anniversary is 20th so I have to choose in between, I told my gf that we can celebrate it after, as a late anniversary so I can be there for the bday, that about sums it up, she got upset at it, I see why but am I wrong for it? I’m genuinely confused and want to see some feedback

I (f21) have to keep dealing with my (f52) mom who’s fucking nuts and likes to talk to my aunt who molested me.

I don’t know how many times I confronted her but she always goes back and pretends like everything’s okay. My whole childhood I was gaslit into thinking what my aunt did was okay but when I went to college I realized how fucked up it is.

And everyday I have to deal with guilt and shame, especially since I grew up Muslim everyone’s telling me to ask for forgiveness well fuck that! I’m done being Muslim and asking for forgiveness on being MOLESTED.

My dad was the only one who protected me and he died a year ago. Now I have to fight my own battles for battles I shouldn’t ever have had. This is so fucked.

Sorry for the rant but anyways, I came downstairs after work and she was hiding her phone from me. She was on the phone with my crazy fucking aunt and hung up immediately and I got so upset I went to my room.

When I came downstairs she starts gaslighting me “what happened? Did something happen? I didn’t do anything” shit like that. She literally saw how I heard my aunts voice on the phone and I stormed upstairs so I got mad at my mom.

I snapped at her over and over when she kept asking if I’m okay and now she’s getting mad saying I have “mental problems” okayyy sure. I’m not the one talking to a child molester and defending them but okay! She might as well go to fucking Epstein island at this rate.

AITAH?

Context: I am a dishwasher in a restaurant where there are three people in the dishwashing section. One puts the stuff in the machine, one dries it off and one puts it back in the kitchen. I was putting stuff back in the kitchen, and the guy on his third shift was drying stuff. I have told him many times, as it was necessary, stack the plates with big ones on the bottom and small ones on top, or they'll fall.

He didn't do that, and I tried to place them correctly, as I couldn't put them back in the kitchen safely when they were stacked like this.

A few plates ended up falling and breaking, and as it was his 3rd shift, I didn't want to be *too* harsh on him, so I tried cleaning it up, and proceeded to cut my hand open so badly I needed stitches.

I slightly blew up at the guy for stacking the plates wrong, even though I told and showed him multiple times how to do it and for not being safe. Just to clarify, in my opinion, I didn't scream, insult or humiliate him, I just raised my voice and became stern for causing injury as a result of his direct actions.

Just stacking the plates right also isn't the only thing he just can't seem to get, as it is just one thing in a whole slew of things he does wrong. I get its his 3rd shift, but at some point you should be able to differentiate between glass and porcelain or a half an inch deep plate and a bowl.

So, AITAH for blowing up at him?

Edit: "blowing up" wasn't exactly the best terminology to use, as it was more raising my voice and being stern rather than actually screaming at him.

I (24F) am 19 days away from my wedding! My brother (39M) and I have had tension and conflict for about an entire year now. I decided months ago, prior to invites going out, that he would not be invited because of a series of ongoing events, including the way he treats his children, takes advantage of my parents, has no accountability for his actions, cheated on his wife, screamed in my face... among other things. I am the only one in my family who has cut him off, I don't speak to him, pretty much avoid him if we happen to be at the same party, and generally just pretend he doesn't exist.

I have been pretty open with my family and friends that he was not invited and that my decision was final. My future husband doesn't fully agree with me but also sees where I am coming from and is standing by me in my decision.

I faced a bit of backlash from extended family, aunts, uncles, grandmother. But it was never enough to bother me, mainly just little comments here and there that he should be invited and I will change my mind. I was and am comfortable about my decision and what it meant for our relationship.

Everyone RSVP'd yes, and I thought it was just accepted by everyone else and wasn't going to affect the day.

Late last night, my uncle came over and very angrily told me that he is NOT coming to my wedding since my brother won't be there. He told me he hates to do it BUT will be encouraging my other family members to also not attend. He says that our family should be there for family. He cannot consider me family for not inviting my brother. He also said that I am hurting my parents, how do I think they would feel with one of their kids not being there.

I did say that I am sorry, but the day is about me and my future husband, our future, our love, and being surrounded by people we want to be there. I said the day is not about *brother* or *uncle*. I am not changing my mind.

I feel blindsided especially this close to the wedding, when my numbers are final, my seating chart is final. I am days away from paying the final invoices for the plate count. I know that just because he says it doesn't mean that other people won't come, but I am wallowing in this pity of not being important enough on my own. And that my uncle thinks he can threaten me and make me do something I do not want to.

AITAH for refusing to invite my brother even though it's upsetting some family members, and may mean some of my family will be choosing not to attend?

My girlfriend (24F) and I (24F) have been together for almost two years.

Recently, she spent hours helping me find a flat because I'm shifting, and I genuinely appreciated all the time and effort she put into helping me. I asked her help because I am not very fluent with the language and there are chances the realtors will use it to scam me with a flat hunting

The issue is that I'm extremely picky about where I live. I have a few non negotiable requirements (my own room, an attached bathroom, a clean place, etc.) because I'm the one who's going to be living there.

She kept telling me she understood and genuinely wanted to help. However, many of the flats she sent either didn't match the requirements l'd been trying to explain or were outside my budget. That made me feel like I wasn't communicating my requirements properly, so I kept trying to explain them not because I thought she wasn't helping, but because I felt I wasn't expressing myself well.

I even started by saying things like:

"I don't wanna be a brat or spoiled."
and
"I'm very different with the flat thing."

because I didn't want her to think I was just being difficult.

She then asked me,

"Ma why do u think its being so hard to find it then?"
I replied,

"It is just a standard."

Then I said:

"You have different standards & i have different standards and it's not like yours is bad or mine is good."

My very next message was:

"There is no scale to measure the standard."

Then i sent :

"it's more likely. I will be comfortable with this, and I won't be settling for anything less."

And immediately after that I clarified that what I really meant was that l'd simply be more comfortable with certain types of places and that I wouldn't be comfortable settling for something else.
Looking back, I completely agree that "Standard" was the wrong word. I should've said "Comfort level", "requirements", or "preference" instead.

Unfortunately, she understood it as me saying that I think I'm above her.
She then told me that this made her realize I've apparently always looked down on her throughout our relationship. She even said:

"I don't think I even know you as a person after all these two years"

She broke up with me, blocked me on almost everything, and refuses to answer my calls. Every time l've tried to say it was a misunderstanding, she comes back to that one word. I haven't been given a chance to explain myself over a call or in person.
To make things harder, we're both at our hometowns riaht now. over 1.000 km apart.

We normally work in the same city, but neither of us will be back for another 12-13 days, so I can't even meet her face-to-face.
What hurts me most is that this doesn't match how I've viewed or treated her over the last two years.

I've always admired how independent she is and have told her countless times how proud I am of everything she's accomplished.

People who know us have often commented that I'm a completely different person around her. I'm usually emotionally guarded with most people, but with her l've always been much softer and more affectionate.
Our relationship has always had a playful dynamic where she usually took the lead, and l've never felt the need to be "above" her or treat her like she was beneath me. That's why this accusation has completely shocked me.

I know I chose the wrong word. I don't deny that. If I could go back, l'd absolutely use different wording.

But I genuinely never meant what she believes I meant.
AITAH for the way i worded it?
What does it read more like I communicated my point badly then I actually believed I was above her
Alsooo :
There had already been tension in our relationship because of a friend in my friend group whom my girlfriend strongly dislikes. In the past, this person had tried to flirt with me, which made my girlfriend understandably uncomfortable. The specific incident she was upset about was when I attended another friend’s father’s funeral, where this person also happened to be present. From my perspective, I was there to support my grieving friend and didn’t feel I could avoid going, but my girlfriend was hurt because the person who had previously flirted with me was also going to be there.
Edit: since there is some questions regarding the flat hunt. I am not gonna say I was a saint with how I communicated to her. I should have also been better and the whole Flat situation is for context:

I was the one finding the listings and collecting the brokers’ contact numbers, while she helped by calling them. I usually communicated with the brokers through text, and she handled the phone calls because it was easier to get information that way. And my requirements were, I wanted a room to myself in a shared flat, my own attached bathroom, and a clean place.

The only reason I was looking to move was to be closer to her. The place I’ve been living in for the past two years already meets all my requirements and costs much less. Even though we lived in the same city, we were about an hour and a half apart. We both felt that if I moved and was only 20–30 minutes away, it would be much better for our relationship. That’s why I started looking for another place.

The Flat we both looked at was the same, but that was a difference in the budget that was quoted to us . The budget changed because my girlfriend mentioned to the broker that I owned a four-wheeler. She only did that to explain that I didn’t need a flat near the metro since I’d have my own transport. I had asked her not to mention it because I was worried the brokers would assume I could afford more and increase the rent. From my experience, some brokers use details like that to quote higher price

I’m not entirely sure of the relation here, but I believe she’s my mother’s first cousin. She’s been loosely in my life over the years. Definitely saw her more often as a child, on the larger family gathering holidays, and once or twice socially, with my mother, as a young adult. The most recent time I can think of has been at least 10 years ago, maybe more? We never had a personal connection, never talked or anything outside of the family visits.

I did at one point have a relationship with her daughter and her wife. They’d invite me over, we’d talk and catch up, borrow things or help with things around the house, went out to dinner a few times. But it’s also been years since we’ve done any of that. I’d say 5, maybe more? The last time I remember them asking me to hang out was because they wanted tea on my mother, and despite a few smaller efforts to talk here and there, our relationship hasn’t been much more than an occasional liked post since then.

So here’s the rub: I’ve been no contact with my mother for a little over 5 years. I have zero intention of breaking that. And there’s a more than good chance that she’d be at the funeral. I could go and just try to avoid her. But even the thought of that puts me on edge. I could go to the viewing and hope it’s at a time when she wouldn’t be there, but she doesn’t drive so it’s not like I can scout her car in the parking lot. I do feel like the right thing to do is pay my respects, but idk if I can get past the anxiety. Given all that would I be the AH if I don’t go?

TLDR: WIBTAH if I don’t go to a distant cousin’s funeral because it would mean risking seeing my mother who I’m no contact with?