AITAH for wanting my daughter’s grandmother to ask before handing her to people I don’t know?
My daughter is 1, and her dad and I don’t live together. I’m the one doing the day-to-day parenting. His mom loves my daughter and has a relationship with her, but I’ve had concerns about her judgment for a while.
There have been multiple situations where she’s let people I don’t know hold or interact with my daughter without asking me first. She’s also let her boyfriend kiss my daughter and put his dirty finger in her food, had a friend light a blunt around her, randomly taken her out of my arms, etc.
Recently, she gave my daughter to her cousin, a woman I had never met. This woman had my daughter on her hip for about 20 minutes before I was even introduced to her. Her teenage daughter was also interacting with my daughter, and I wasn’t introduced to either of them until after they had already been holding/playing with my child.
The cousin also had a 1-year-old son who was playing with my daughter. We later found out that the little boy had HFMD (Hand Foot and Mouth Disease), so my daughter had been exposed.
My issue isn’t that I don’t want people holding my daughter. If her grandmother had asked me, “Hey, this is my cousin, is it okay if she holds her?” I could’ve said yes or no. In this situation, I would’ve said no because I didn’t know her.
But nobody asked me.
I told her dad that these people are “random” to me and my daughter because I’ve never met them. I understand they’re his family and his mom knows them, but that doesn’t mean I know or trust them. If I had met them before and gotten comfortable with them, I wouldn’t have a problem.
He told me I need to chill because “she’s fine” and his mom wouldn’t give her to people she doesn’t trust. He also said I was being overbearing and acted like I was saying nobody could hold or interact with my daughter, which I never said.
I told him that if he were physically there, I’d trust his judgment because he’s her father and knows these people. He said that didn’t make sense because I was basically saying his mom has bad judgment.
I said, “You’re her dad. That’s the difference.”
I don’t even give my own family this kind of authority over my daughter, so this isn’t about me having something against his family.
The conversation got heated and I ended it because I felt like he wasn’t understanding what I was actually saying.
TL;DR: My daughter’s grandmother repeatedly lets people I’ve never met hold/interact with my daughter without asking me. Most recently, she handed my daughter to a cousin I’d never met, who had her for ~20 minutes before I was even introduced to her. The cousin’s 1-year-old son also played with my daughter, and we later found out he had HFMD. Her dad says I’m being overbearing because his mom trusts these people and “the baby is fine.” I’m saying I don’t care if his mom trusts them. I don’t know them, and I want to be asked before someone I’ve never met is given my child. AITAH?