u/FunSelf2151

i’m 18nb, closeted, friends with 19f, openly queer. i’ve always been jealous of her life. she has parents that love her unconditionally, she gets to be with her girlfriend in public without fear. meanwhile, i live in a religious and homophobic country with strict and homophobic parents. i’m a nonbinary lesbian and i will never get to express myself the way she does. that fills me with seething jealousy and envy. i never made her even think that im jealous. i was always a good friend for her. she never suspected it. our friendship is online. last week she told me about a funny encounter that happened between her dad and her girlfriend. i couldn’t take it anymore. i told her that i can’t be her friend anymore. that she’s a constant reminder of the life im never gonna get to have. how unfair it is that she gets to live her true identity as she wishes. she gets to cut her hair however she wants, she gets to dye her hair and express herself with it, meanwhile im stuck in a hijab. i’m trying to live in denial but she’s a constant reminder of the thing i try to avoid. am i selfish for ending the friendship over that? i told her everything in the nicest way possible. she was very understanding and wished me the best. our friendship lasted for about five months. i can’t help but feel like a horrible person for being filled with so much jealous and envy over someone i’m supposed to be friends with. aitah?

https://pin.it/4wRLdg63M idk what this art style is called but im searching for one that resembles me! if someone knows the name of the art style please help💔💔💔

🛑🛑MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING FOR CSA🛑🛑

i just woke up and this reddit post is the first thing i’m doing. i’m not a religious nor spiritual person. i don’t believe that dreams can have signs about the future or warnings about others. i believe that dreams are a window into our subconscious. i believe that the most meanings dreams can have are things like trying to warn the person that they’re under too much stress, something that the person really wants deep down in their heart but they don’t realize it, etc. i’ve always been a person who has weird dreams, but none of them were ever disturbing. just things that make me wake up confused. random dreams. today i woke up from a dream where i walked into a 24/7 store in new jersey (i’ve never even been to the usa) but the store owner wasn’t there. when i walked through the store, i saw the store owner in the back. he was (tw) raping a little boy. i woke up immediately after this part of the dream. i woke up in a cold sweat. my stomach hurt just from thinking about it. i feel like i’m gonna be sick. i’ve never been so disturbed by a dream in my entire life. can someone please help try to figure out wtf this was. i did her sexually abused when i was a kid. but i’m not a boy, it didn’t happen in the back of a store, and the person who did it wasn’t an old man. what happened in the dream is nowhere similar to what happened to me when i was a child. please help.

i’m not sure if this is the right place to post this, but here i go. i’ve been having really weird dreams lately. well they’re not really weird, but i wake up feeling so unsettled by them and even later in the day when i remember those dreams i get a strange feeling of unease and uncomfortable. they’re not nightmares or anything like that. they’re just weird. i’ve always had weird dreams. tbh who doesn’t? but these ones feel different. for example, last night i had a dream that my dead aunt (whom i wasn’t even close to) was forcing me to sleep on the floor because i kept falling off the bed in my sleep. i used to fall off the bed when i was a kid. so i did sleep on the floor until i was like 8 years old. i woke up feeling so unsettled by this dream. my aunt and i weren’t at all close. i barely cried when she died a couple of months ago. i feel like something is going on with me mentally but im not sure what it is. i feel like im disassociating the entire day and almost nothing feels real. for some extra context, im a diagnosed bpd, my therapist did mention something called depersonalization (i’m not entirely sure what this means so if someone could kindly explain it, id really appreciate that). i’m no longer in therapy though. i’m not going through any major changes in my personal life, im not under any stress, nothing has happened lately to trigger this episode. as a matter of fact, i couldn’t be more relaxed. i’m in my summer break, i just finished high school, i got accepted into the university i want, and the new spiderman movie is dropping later this week and im so excited for it. i just feel so uneasy. i’m a deeply paranoid person but i was able to work on that during therapy and im starting to think all the work i did in therapy for my paranoia is getting undone and it’s all coming back. somebody please help me. i don’t understand what’s going on. i don’t like feeling this way. it’s driving me crazy. going back to therapy is not an option right now. why am i feeling unsettled and anxious about seemingly normal dreams?? it is currently 2:23am and i’m so sleepy but i can’t go to sleep because i don’t want to wake up with this feeling again. just thinking about it makes my skin crawl. i’ve been trying to sleep but every time i close my eyes i remember those dreams and i get an overwhelming sense of unease. i’m thinking about taking something to help me sleep and then dealing with this feeling when i wake up anyway i can.

i feel like things are NEVER as simple as good and bad. it’s never that simple. one of the biggest reasons for that is because we, as humans, will never be able to agree on what is good and what is bad. there are the obvious things, murder is bad, stealing is bad. but even with those things, it can be justified sometimes. murder might be in self defense, stealing might be to feed a hungry mouth. but there are some people who view good, or neutral, things as bad and people who engage in those things need to die. like queerness, atheism, and such. some people might say that religion is a good thing, but then there are anti-theists who believe religion should be abolished because it’s the reason behind so many massacres and killings and abuse. yet there’s when machiavelli said “the ends justify the means” who agrees with that? and who doesn’t? is it justifiable to kill someone because you felt endangered by them? is it justifiable to starve yourself so you could afford medicine for your sick loved one? things are never as simple as good and bad. that is a hill i’m willing to die on. life isn’t so black and white. there are layers, justifications, special circumstances.

i feel like things are NEVER as simple as good and bad. it’s never that simple. one of the biggest reasons for that is because we, as humans, will never be able to agree on what is good and what is bad. there are the obvious things, murder is bad, stealing is bad. but even with those things, it can be justified sometimes. murder might be in self defense, stealing might be to feed a hungry mouth. but there are some people who view good, or neutral, things as bad and people who engage in those things need to die. like queerness, atheism, and such. some people might say that religion is a good thing, but then there are anti-theists who believe religion should be abolished because it’s the reason behind so many massacres and killings and abuse. yet there’s when machiavelli said “the ends justify the means” who agrees with that? and who doesn’t? is it justifiable to kill someone because you felt endangered by them? is it justifiable to starve yourself so you could afford medicine for your sick loved one? things are never as simple as good and bad. that is a hill i’m willing to die on. life isn’t so black and white. there are layers, justifications, special circumstances.

i feel like things are NEVER as simple as good and bad. it’s never that simple. one of the biggest reasons for that is because we, as humans, will never be able to agree on what is good and what is bad. there are the obvious things, murder is bad, stealing is bad. but even with those things, it can be justified sometimes. murder might be in self defense, stealing might be to feed a hungry mouth. but there are some people who view good, or neutral, things as bad and people who engage in those things need to die. like queerness, atheism, and such. some people might say that religion is a good thing, but then there are anti-theists who believe religion should be abolished because it’s the reason behind so many massacres and killings and abuse. yet there’s when machiavelli said “the ends justify the means” who agrees with that? and who doesn’t? is it justifiable to kill someone because you felt endangered by them? is it justifiable to starve yourself so you could afford medicine for your sick loved one? things are never as simple as good and bad. that is a hill i’m willing to die on. life isn’t so black and white. there are layers, justifications, special circumstances.

heated rivalry was supposed to be representation for queer men. instead straight women took it and fetishized queer men. it definitely made straight people wayyy more comfortable asking queer people personal questions like “oh who’s the top/bottom” and that IS a problem. i’m not denying that. but queer women and lesbians have ALWAYS been fetishized. dare i say that the fetishization of queer people didn’t become such a huge problem until it was queer men being fetishized? queer women and lesbians have always been fetishized. but now that it’s men it’s such a HUGEEE problem? and even now when people bring it up, they bring up the fetishization of queer MEN. almost no one talks about the fetishization of queer women that has been SOOOO normalized since i could remember.

ellen pompeo played her cards perfectly and now look at her. i stopped watched greys at around season 20. but from what i hear now is that she barely even appears. she gets the biggest paycheck and she almost never appears on screen. not to mention that she’s doing a spin off show which means she’s gonna be making even more money. i just wanted to point out how smart she is and how she played her cards right.

my girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year. things are honestly perfect and i couldn’t ask for anyone better. but to understand my question, we’re gonna have to go back in time. september 12th, 2024. i started talking to this girl that i met through a fandom. we got close and i fell in love with her. she says she fell in love with me too. she called me baby, got jealous and possessive over me, she told me that im the love of her life, she told me that i might as well just take her heart because its already so full of me, she told me that im special to her in a way that no one else is, and more things like that which ARE NOT NORMAL TO SAY IN A FRIENDSHIP. the thing i didn’t mention is that shes a straight, homophobic, religious person. where i live is a very religious and homophobic area, so almost everyone i know is like this. i didn’t mind it in all honesty. i’ve been a closeted nb-lesbian for 7 years. i didn’t tell her about this. but again, im closeted, i don’t tell anyone. on april 27th, 2025. she found out im a lesbian through an old repost on tiktok. she asked me about it, i couldn’t lie to her anymore and i told her. all those seven months of lying were eating away at me, i hated lying to her. i told her the truth, and she blocked me. i happened to have a therapy session that day, and when my therapist asked me about my day, i broke down crying for ten minutes. uncontrollable sobs. i’ve never had a breakdown like that before. my life was pretty miserable for a couple of months, i went into a very deep episode of psychosis that lasted almost a month, im not sure if that was related to her or if it was the school pressure and getting diagnosed with bpd. i stalked her a lot on social media, because thats what you do when you miss someone you can’t talk to. i had a pretty depressing summer as you can imagine lol. anyway, in september i started senior year of high school. and i thought to myself, im not gonna let her ruin my senior year, im not gonna think about her anymore. i remember at the very beginning of july, i called my friend and had a breakdown. i told her that i need this horrible year to end. she asked me what i mean by that, and i told her that i simply want to skip to january 1st, 2026. i dont want to be in 2025 anymore. 2025 was an awful fucking year. august 3rd, i met my girlfriend. and it’s like everything just became so much better. september 2nd, i asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes. i did stop stalking that other girl the moment i started talking to my, now girlfriend. i rarely ever think about her anymore in all honesty. part of me still loves her, but i know for a fact that if she ever comes back, im not even gonna bat an eye. i’ll block her without responding. or i’ll say something along the lines of “hey remember how you blocked me because im a lesbian, well im still a lesbian. i’m also nonbinary and an atheist. oh and i have a loving girlfriend who isn’t a bigot like you!!” the way i got over her is by watching religious people like sheikhs talk about lgbtq people and i thought to myself “this is what she thinks about me” and you can imagine that i got over her pretty quick lmao. the thing is, i still stalk her page sometimes. like whenever someone big in the fandom happens, i check her page. i’m over her, i don’t want her in my life. but i can’t help but check her page every couple of weeks. stalk her reposts. i can’t help it. and i feel so guilty and i want to stop but i find myself back at her page. my girlfriend is an amazing woman. i’m gonna stop stalking that girl. but is it considered cheating? TLDR

i’m serious baffled by how people don’t use spoiler alerts anymore. back in the day you’d genuinely get skinned if you didn’t use a million spoiler alerts. i really wanted to watch the movies obsession when it first came out. but by the next day, i already knew EVERYTHING that happened in the movie before i even booked the damn ticket. people would just post things like >!”oh i understand why bear made that decision i agree with him” and then i’m confused on who’s bear and what did he do!< the comments, in no way mentions that it’s about a movie, and the caption has #obsession is the very last hashtag that i couldn’t see it. am i overreacting or do people just not care about spoilers anymore???? me personally when a movie/show is spoiled for me, then that’s it. i don’t wanna watch it anymore. it’s ruined. i don’t care that much if it’s an old movie or show. like you can’t be upset at someone for spoiling a movie or show from the 70s. the damn thing came out 50 years ago. it’s not a spoiler. while i’d still use a spoiler alert, i wouldn’t be upset. because like i said, if it came out 10+ years ago, it’s not really a spoiler. but it’s just the whole thing with obsession. i really wanted to watch the movie. but by the day after it was released, i already knew the plot and everything that happened. smh.

idk if this is weird tbh. i haven’t seen anyone talk about it so idk if it’s just me or everyone is like this. but i always misremember numbers by two digits. biggest example is birthdays. i thought my friend’s birthday was the 24th, turns out it’s the 26th. and so on. even with years, i always mess up by two years. was it 2014 or 2016? and appointments. was my appointment at 10am or 12pm? it is ALWAYS two digits. also i’m not sure if it’s relevant or worth mentioning, but i haven’t always been like this. i used to be so good at remembering and i never forgot anything. almost as if i had a photographic memory or idk what it’s called. this only started somewhere in the past three years. moreover, i have been through a LOTTTT in the past three years. both physically and mentally. including psychosis and paranoia episodes. eventually i got diagnosed with bpd. sooo if anyone has an explanation or has experienced something similar, please lmk!