My psychotic ideas are coming like im in a project and don’t see any motivation to go to uni etc. How do you find motivation to go for school/work/uni? I’d appreciate your answers.
I am not sure how this is going to translate to others. I am 21F, and I was diagnosed with Psychotic depression at 16 years old, and Schizoaffective Disorder (Depressive) at 20. I am treatment resistant and have been so ever since my first episode.
The prodromal phase changed my brain forever. The aftermath of my first psychotic break also changed me forever. My cognitive ability is slower. I used to cook, bake, write, play guitar, socialize, and thrive in school. Now I do almost none of those things aside from occasionally playing music and writing, and it takes a lot out of me to do them.
After a year of being unmedicated, I finally have more energy, hope, enthusiasm, and plans for the future. I have a steady, full time job in retail as a personal shopper. My boyfriend and I are getting a house before September (the end of my current lease), and we want to get married within the next 12 months.
I was hospitalized a year ago on my birthday (July 7th). It was a dark time. Since then I have turned to God. Thats the only reason I've been able to survive being unmedicated. I still have hallucinations, nightmares, sleep paralysis, and have trouble forming basic thoughts at times.
But, I am happy, and functioning.
However, something I have been thinking about recently, is that I am so exhausted on a soul level. I want to settle down, have a dog, go on walks, sleep, do nothing, be nothing for awhile.
I want my mind to be calm for once. I want to stop thinking. I am always thinking, even in my sleep.
I want to be at peace.
(No, I definitely don't want to die, at least not anymore.)
Can anyone else relate?
I woke up Oct. 7th, 2022 believing I needed to pack up my entire life, wife & kids and leave Canada.
At the time I was 35M. My pregnant wife (32F) and 1.5 y.o. son.
I convinced my wife there was going to be a war and a smallpox virus would be released into the Western World by the BRICS nations.
That covid was a trial run for closing international borders and the covid vaccine was a gene therapy that made ppl in the West immune suppressed and susceptible to the smallpox virus. North America and Europe were going to be hit the hardest. So we had go to S.E Asia. Specifically Malaysia.
So we packed up our apartment into storage took our life savings and travelled to Malaysia.
We hopped around that part of the world for 2 years. Spent most of our time in Malaysia but we were also in India (2 months), Dubai (7 months), Laos (2 weeks)and Thailand (3 months).
My wife even gave birth to our 2nd son while we were in Malaysia.
About 3 months in the accusations started. I was convinced that my wife was sleeping with everyone. Sneaking out at night. I was accusing her of having affairs and wouldn't let her return home. The kids weren't allowed to cross international borders without my permission.
I was terrified to be in Canada. I thought the Western World was doomed.
After 2 years and blowing our life savings my wife got help thru the authorities to travel back to Canada with the 2 kids without me.
I feel so bad. The thing is I have had multiple mental health problems over the years which got very bad because of my father's abuse. But now he's left since several months and I am feeling very bad because of the neighbors here. I have had multiple psychoses here before. The walls are very thin, because the building is an old one, and one can hear even the coughing of a neighbor. It's driving me crazy and making me paranoid. There's a saying that to exist is to be perceived. But I don't wanna be perceived at all, in particular by these strangers/neighbors. If I speak my voice comes out as shaky. Today, a guy at the grocery store asked me a few stuff and I could barely speak and felt infantilized.
I got zero protection and basically got noone, which just reinforces my cptsd. I am not even sure how I ended up utterly alone in this world, but I did.
I can't find a job and my degree is not a vocational one either. I don't know, but I feel so trapped here and want to get the hell out of what I have come to view as matrix.
I am from Egypt living in the US. I was forced into handcuffs and put into a hospital for telling staff that I hear and feel spirits
I was held against my will by two hospital workers to get an injection in my arm
I feel deeply saddened because now I don't hear or feel my family in heaven speaking to me saying they love me as they wait for me to arrive.
I don't feel the lord guiding my hand and guiding me to safety telling me everything will be okay as I cast my worries to him
I don't feel the warmth of my wife's deceased mother's hand on my shoulder telling me thank you for loving my daughter snd she weeps tears of joy to see her daughter happy
I don't see visions of my ancestors, the pyramids or the Pharoah as they speak to me telling me my family history and how I'm connected to mother nature
I feel nothing. I don't have emotion anymore
I don't feel mother nature speaking to me telling me to take care of her children, the trees, the bushes, and grass
Usually I feed mother nature by watering her plants and leaving fruit near the roots for the animals to gather. Now I lay in bed wondering, where did my soul go?
I hold mother nature's hands from the leaves of trees or the leaves of bushes and I tell her to please speak to me, please let me hear your voice again and your emotions and now I feel and hear nothing
Why must I be punished for being connected to the realm of heavens?
I feel that I must hide my true self because I am in danger of being forced into a police car in handcuffs and given medicine that feels like chemicals in my body
What is psychosis? Why do these doctors say I'm ill and I must have a lawful act to stay in a facility where the workers are mean to me and treat me like I am an animal ?
I cry every night missing my family in heaven and missing the lord speaking to me. I miss the feeling of mother nature taking care of me
I don't think I'll ever feel their comfort and emotions again. I don't know if I'll ever feel their touch on my shoulder. I'm worried I won't ever hear the cries of mother nature again
I don't like this system in America. Why does everyone think i am a danger and I will harm them? The heavens tell me from right and wrong not to harm others.
The problem with psychosis is that doctors are trying to search for a problem where none exists. They can't seem to understand how to stupid their logic is. In search for the problem, not the solution.
They are too stupid so they can't see this. They also don't wish to give up their power to the philosopher physicists of the future because then they too will be erased. Insane how we got here from the view that "doctors know what's best for you" and they are here to "help".
im f18, very unfamiliar with these things, my stepdad is almost 50. im visiting for the first time in a while to stay the night, he lives with my mom, and ive just been told that hes recently gone into a deep psychosis where he believes everybody is against him and there are men planning to kill him and that everyone else is in on it. is there any way to console him at all or do i just stay in my room and avoid any interaction? or something else? im worried because he tends to get very aggressive and violent in general, so if i do something wrong i dont know how bad things could get. i just want us both to be okay.
who experience drug induced psychosis here? how long did it took to fully recover? i still deal with post psychosis shame and can't get out of house, its been months already, do it really gets better?
During my psychotic manic episode, I genuinely believed I was secretly producing music for multiple pop artists.
I wrote and produced 78 songs in a few months and was convinced they were going to somehow reach huge artists through “hidden industry connections” and coded messages. Every synth felt genius. Every random lyric felt profound. I’d stay awake for absurd amounts of time thinking I was creating the next cultural movement for the biggest artists like Madonna, Taylor Swift and more. I released them on my SoundCloud and deleted them all after I ended up at the psych ward. I told all my friends about it also and showed them all of it. I think all the songs all sounded so wierd and the lyrics were cringe, I feel so ashamed that I posted all of that on my instagram and snapchat. I still feel depressed after all that happened even tho I’m on my meds.
My dad is 61 and retired two years ago, he had a tough job. .We moved countries a lot because of his job and he handled life normally for decades. Six months after retirement he was still social, always wanted to go out, travel, meet people, do things.
All of a sudden one day, about 1.5 years ago something completely changed. He started thinking people were spying on him and trying to frame him. Normal sounds upstairs became “people torturing him.” Someone who visited our house became a “spy” in his mind. He keeps repeating the same things every day and no matter what we say he believes it completely. And tells that visitor is gathering evidence to frame him, even though it's been two years. He's annoyed that we don't believe him, and says that we will see one day when it happens. He is so stubborn and doesn't want to listen to us one bit.
Now he just stays in bed most of the day. If we even mention going outside or to a shop he panics and gets extremely restless. It genuinely feels like the light went out of him and I still can’t understand how someone can change this much in such a short time. He was physically fit, played a lot of sports, and had several hobbies.
He’s been on risperidone, olanzapine, sertraline, clonazepam, propranolol, and now Clozapine 75mg. We still aren’t really seeing improvement and dose increases caused bad restlessness and stiffness.
Has anyone gone through something similar? What can you do to help them, it's so challenging. Because he is in bed all day, his muscles are deteriorating, and if we try to take him for a walk its impossible. I hate to see my dad like this, I wish there was some cure for this terrible disease. We've been through three psychiatrists already, and nothing seems to be working. They all are trying to make him sleep most of the time and say that it'll take many years for him to get better he should just eat these meds. He's had more side effects from the medicines too. I don't believe that this is how treatments should be, it's just ridiculous. I'm desparate to hear anything from you all, thank you so much in advance for any suggestions.
I’m really struggling with anhedonia and post psychotic depression. Any positive stories or advice for coping with it would be very much appreciated!
I feel down. I want this to end.
I felt like being watched by an organization for a year but now I don't know anymore.
I feel somebody is behind me sometimes.
I have to find a job for after graduating.
I hanged myself a year ago because I was too stressed from accinments. I want to end it.
I don't know what to do.
I think my anti-psychotics aren't working enough.
Should I get stronger meds and keep pushing?
I'm tired. I was never allowed to drop out of school or take a break.
I had it in south east London. it was the ultimate humbling, and although I think it to be wrong, so wrong, it taught me a lot.
it invokes the deepest hopelessness and vulnerability you can imagine, being pinned to the ground by the biggest male nurses of the ward (I'm 6"4), a needle shoved up your bum, being clothed in kinda groovy minty green baggy clothes, and being denied the right to move in this universe at all. I started taking the meds, making friends with Stewart and Olu and the Somali psychiatrist, and singing to my captors, but lordy is it dystopian that idea of freedom through capitulation.
the staff I found to be beautiful, if heavily misguided people. the key is to focus on the former, even in 'normal' life.
I said I'm going to take my life because the organization is commanding me everyday and make me see myself jump off a building every morning, but doctors didn't help me at all.
I went to school the night after I hanged myself. I covered my bruises on my neck with make up and went to school and told the school counselor that I hanged myself. They said they didn't see the bruise on my neck.
I'm tired.
I want to give up. I just want to rest.
Hi, so for context, I was officially diagnosed years ago with major depressive, generalized anxiety, and borderline (though my current therapist thinks it’s more cptsd, tomato tomato). I can talk to my therapist about these things, but I’ve been holding off and just thinking about it. We’ve also had some difficulties with our schedules.
Earlier this year, I lost a very close loved one to cancer. The last month was very intense, with taking him back and forth to the hospital, giving him major meds to ease his pain for the last days. It was weeks of constant anxiety like I’ve NEVER felt before. Then after he passed, it was then a just as intense depression.
But then I started getting paranoid. I thought I also had cancer, I thought my coworkers were stalking me, I thought my computer had some sort of tracking device implanted by the military. It didn’t help that I’d been working overtime for months at the worst job I’ve ever had in my life. This constant anxiety state has slowly gone away, but I think I’m still processing the absolute shit show that was. I’ve never experienced something like that before.
I’m not looking to diagnose myself via reddit, I just wanted to see if anyone has had a similar experience.
I'm going to graduate from nursing school in a year but I'm worried if I can work as a nurse.
I'm sensitive to stress.
Doctor said when I'm stressed I get symptoms of depression and schizophrenia.
Also I have sensory sensitivity and I easily feel anxious.
I tried so hard to get through nursing school and I love nursing but I nearly died from an attempt because it was too stressful.
5 days a week seems too much for me but I want to be independent.
What should I do?
Hello,
I’m a female in my 20s.
I have diagnosed OCD, anxiety disorder, autism. No diagnosed psychosis or schizophrenia or mood disorders. But I’m wondering if maybe I have one? I’m not looking for a diagnosis but I’m just wondering if others with OCD experience these same symptoms. I have some of the normal OCD stuff, compulsive handwashing, fears of contamination, moral ocd, but it gets to a point where I think maybe I’m actually psychotic. I had an episode the other day where I was convinced I had done something wrong years ago and that the police were after me and I’d get arrested. Total panic attack, was distressed for 2 days with it peaking on the second day. My contamination anxiety was a lot worse at the same time and I couldn’t stop washing my hands and then subsequently my body when I decided to try and shower. I’ll get convinced that I’m totally going to hell for something I’ve done if not prison (and I’m not a religious person by any means). The other day when my anxiety was peaking, I was thinking about how anybody has the capability to kill me if they wanted to and I isolated with my door locked the rest of the day because technically anyone in my family could kill me if they wanted (no history of violence or abuse in the house and were very close). When there was a thunderstorm today, I refused to shower or use the bathroom because *technically* lighting could strike the house in just the right way and hit the plumbing and electrocute me. Does this all sound like standard OCD or does this not sound normal?