r/relationships_advice

Just found out my girlfriend of a year has been cheating on me for 8 months. I haven’t told her I know yet. Should I have sex with her then break the news to her or just break it off?

I’ll be brief, she has assured me that she has no feeling for him. We’ve been dating for a month and she called him once and he didn’t pick and she called me right after to tell me. I’m pretty sure her ex still wants her.
I don’t think he knows she is in a relationship and they have been texting for a couple days which I know about, nothing crazy but texting nonetheless
Asking about the weather and stuff
It hasn’t been daily convos because none of them are replying to eachother right away. Anyways I don’t like the fact that they are talking
I feel very weird
If extra information is needed please ask
I need unbiased advice asap

For some context, my boyfriend (M28) and I (F25) have been together for almost two years, and we just moved into a house together a couple of months ago after from graduating law school.

When we first started seeing each other, I told him I didn’t think we should date, because I didn’t think our lifestyles would be very compatible, as he very frequently went out to bars and got wasted, and though I used to drink a lot in college, I rarely drink now so I just didn’t think it would be a good match. He also vaped, and I told him I didn’t want to date anyone who vapes, and that was a non-negotiable for me. I starting vaping when I was 19 and my bf at the time vaped, and then I continued for a few years until I was finally quit cold turkey. I now haven’t vaped in several years. Because of this, I didn’t want to date anyone who vaped (not a moral issue or anything), I just felt like it would be really hard for me to be around it without wanting to start the habit back up, and I also think I would feel especially uncomfortable about it later in life, especially if/when kids come into the picture.

Another concern I had was that while we were seeing each other before dating officially, he had gone out with his friends, got hammered, and kissed another girl/asked her to come home with him (which I only found out after seeing a text on his phone later). He swore it was a one time thing that was only due to the alcohol and that he had a problem with drinking and needed to cut back in the future. I told him I didn’t think things would work out because I would not be able to trust him going out and drinking, so he said he simply wouldn’t drink in the future unless I was there. I felt like him promising not to drink without me and to stop vaping were unrealistic promises that he wouldn’t want to or be able to follow through with, and I was worried that he would resent me in the long run or change his mind. However, he insisted that it was really what he wanted and would be good for him and it was his decision to quit and be with me, so eventually I gave in and we started dating.

Over the past 2 years, I have caught him several times drinking or vaping behind my back and lying to me about it. We even almost broke up last spring after I caught him vaping and he repeatedly lied to me about it. I told him it was ok if he was/had been struggling to quit, and he just needed to be honest with me, but he continued to lie about it. We ended up reconciling after I gave him an ultimatum and he came clean about what had been going on the last several months.

Fast forward to now, it has been nearly a year since the last time I caught him in a lie, and I found out he is vaping and hiding it again. I had suspicions based on how he was acting, and sure enough, I found a vape in his bag when I looked. I took it with me and then when I looked the next day I found another one. So it’s definitely not old. We are in the middle of studying for the bar and I understand it is a super stressful time which makes cravings worse. Having had the same addiction, I get how hard it can be to quit, especially when you’re going through stressful circumstances. However, it isn’t really the vaping in and of itself that bothers me the most, but the lying. I’m seriously thinking about ending things now.

It may sound stupid to end a two year relationship over vaping, but genuinely, the most important thing to me in a relationship is honesty, and I feel like I can’t trust him because of the repetitive lies. I made it clear what my boundaries and expectations are before getting into the relationship, and he made certain promises to me to convince me to date him. If he is no longer willing or able to fulfill those promises, I would be more likely to stay with him if he would at least be honest with me instead of lying and hiding his behavior.

Even if I decided to just “let him” vape or whatever and get over the whole issue, I am worried about what else he might lie about in the future. I want to be in a trusting relationship where I can give my partner the benefit of the doubt be able to take them at their word without concern. What makes it worse is that since I found the vape, there have been several times in the last couple of days where I know he has gone to vape and when I asked him what he was doing, he made up some stupid lies, so it is still not just an issue about vaping and being sneaky, but lying again as well. Maybe now the lying is just about vaping, but if he can look me right in the eyes and lie to my face with no indication that he is bullshitting me, then it makes me scared about what else he might have lied about/is lying about/will lie about.

It’s such a hard decision, because I really do love him and in so many other ways he is a great partner. He adores my dog, who I got as a puppy last year and he helped raise, gets along well with my family (and his family loves me), he is very sweet, patient, generous, and considerate, and I know he really loves me a lot and wants to marry me. We have a lot in common— same career path, both well-educated, same sense of humor, love the outdoors, music, and travel, we share the same political beliefs, have the same long term goals and views about children, and he is even passionate about the environment as much as I am.

So on one hand, it feels almost insane to end things with someone that I think would, in many ways, be a good husband and father, over something that is not in and of itself a huge betrayal (like cheating). I also want to be patient and understanding, since I know that he is struggling with an addiction and that quitting can be SO hard, even if you genuinely want to stop. On the other hand, I feel like he is being selfish and violating the boundaries I have made extremely clear as well as lying repeatedly to cover up his behavior. The more times I forgive the lying, the more I feel like I am disrespecting myself by not putting my foot down and following through with threats to end things if the sneaking and lying continues. So I don’t know what to do. The fact that we just signed a lease and moved in together a month ago doesn’t help either, as it will be hugely difficult and a substantial financial burden to get out of the lease and find a new place. Either way I am not bringing anything up until after the bar, because I can’t deal with the added anxiety and conflict right now.

Thanks for any advice, not sure how to handle this.

TLDR: My boyfriend (28M) of two years has been repeatedly vaping and drinking behind my back and lying to me (25F) about it. Time to break up?

My(25F) and girlfriend(21F) have been dating for the past four months. I love her I really do, I also know that she loves me. She makes me laugh, happy, excited etc. I am geniunely happy when I am with her. She is understanding when it comes to my mental situation and also very supportive. The weird feeling started couple months ago when we did not make it official. Before I explain I Just want to say that she did not make me feel sad knowingly. She would never. Anyway, she mentioned She had girfriend in 2024. They dated for like one year. It was her only relationship. I am not saying she can’t have past. Because I also have a past. And it’s fine. But, I don’t know how to explain but I feel insecure. Even when I talk to someone about 2024 related something different I immediately think about that old relationship. Today something happened and I wanted vent here. We were watching TikTok’s then she saw an account on my phone she looked it and then took her own phone to take a look. The account on my phone showed that they follow each other. But on her phone it does not. I asked who is she, she paused then said my ex. I did not want to react so I let it go. She does not follow her and she was surprised as well. I also don’t know the girl, never stalked or even tried to find her. I feel weird, and also I think insecure. I need help. I feel weird. And I don’t know how to explain this too her.

I feel like I should start by saying that I am an anxious person. I have been through several relationships that ended very badly for me. My current girlfriend is aware of this and up till recently, I haven’t had any worries with her.

I guess the first issue really started a few months ago when her and the guy friend started hanging out somewhat regularly. Me and her are both college students. I am completely online and she is studying at a university for pre-law. I’m all for being friends with who you want to be friends with guy girl whoever so I didn’t wanna stop my girlfriend from becoming friends with a guy or just you know whoever she wanted to become friends with she has also expressed a couple times how she does get lonely and one of her goals was to make a couple new friends this year. I didn’t think anything of it, her and this guy eventually picked up playing guitar with each other and shortly after that, he wrote her a love letter. She was completely taken aback by this, and didn’t know what to do. This is kind of where I started to feel weird and I told her that I didn’t really think it was appropriate for the two of them to be hanging out like they used to prior to all of this, he would come over at 10 PM 11 PM 12 PM and hang out with her and her apartment and they would do a bunch of stuff together. This was I guess our first hiccup she eventually admitted that it was weird and started to pull away from him, but they had classes together, so she didn’t wanna make things too awkward which I understood.

Now more recently, some of her coworkers have been making inappropriate comments to her, for example, how they would pay her that have sex with them. I didn’t take to this too well because she is a manager, and I explained to her that she could just escalate if she felt necessary or simply fire them. She explained to me that she didn’t want to be public enemy number one in her workplace, which I can understand that I just didn’t understand why she was letting them say things like that to her. She’s a very attractive woman, and she is hit on all the time which is something I have gotten more used to, but it still makes me feel weird now where the real trust issues started was about a month ago when she took her lsat. After the lsat I took her out to a really nice dinner and on our way home, she was telling me about how a guy had just tried hitting on her. I shred it off because I was more used to it at this point, but I did make a stupid comment asking if she gave him her number. My girlfriend is a people pleaser so she does fold under pressure to make others happy. It wasn’t really a serious question but obviously I was curious what threw me off was how she instantly said she didn’t give him her number and how she told him off that she had a boyfriend. This might be a red flag, but that isn’t like her. She was so adamant that she didn’t that it just made me feel weird like you were talking it up for some hidden purpose so later that night I went through her phone and I saw the guy’s name in there. I didn’t say anything then because I didn’t wanna start an argument but two weeks after that while we were at dinner that same guy followed her on Instagram we were sitting there eating and she abruptly said oh that’s weird. That guy followed me. This is when I asked her if she gave him her number as a chance to admit to it, she told me she didn’t offered to let me go through her phone and then she started texting her mom saying I was acting crazy at this point I started to believe her maybe I misread it so in the car ride home I apologize. I explained it to her that I seen a notification on her phone that I thought was from that guy. She told me that I likely saw her coworkers’s name and just misread it at this point I was sold I believed her 100% fast-forward another two weeks and she sends me the same coworkers chat log because he said something stupid and one of the share with me. I instantly noticed that the emoji next to his name was off that wasn’t the one I saw next to the other guy’s name so the next time I saw her, she had to get up to go use the bathroom and I went through her message. Log and I confirmed my suspicions that she did in fact, give him her number. She hadn’t responded to him at all. It was the same two messages that he sent the first day with no response and at this point, I still didn’t really feel like she would cheat on me. I was just very confused as why she was lying so this time around, I confronted her. She denied it at first, and then slowly opened up, saying how she feels threatened when men ask for her number and she just folds into it and gives them to her. She said she didn’t wanna make me upset by telling me that she did give him her number, but that there was nothing behind it and that she wanted nothing to do with him after this our relationship took a little rocky turn. I unfortunately still don’t trust her fully, which is why I am making this.

The present issue at hand is a new friend she made. We were out driving one night and as I was taking her back she told me that her and a new friend a girl we’re going out to a bar. This girl has a gender neutral name, but it’s found more commonly among men. But ultimately, I was excited for her that she made a new friend so I didn’t look too far into it at first that night. She sent me a couple messages saying she missed me and how the girl just wouldn’t leave and how she didn’t know what she wanted or if she wanted a good night kiss or something like that she just kept over selling the her the she and just everything that would indicate that this person is a girl it reminded me of when she told me that she didn’t give the guy her number. So again, I looked through her messages and I didn’t find anything weird I found one message from the girls saying that my girlfriend looked very pretty or cute but I feel like that’s a more common thing between female friends, I started to feel more suspicious when she told me that the girl was visiting her at the internship. She’s at and how she randomly comes over super late at night, and will sit there keeping her up. Throughout all of this me and my girlfriend have started to talk less and less through text and not to be too explicit but our sex life has slowed down. I know that could be a number of things like stress over school work I mean, we are broke college students. She doesn’t follow this girl on Instagram no girl at Slu with that name follows their Instagram. I know some people don’t have Instagram, but it’s pretty common that most people my age do last night. We were talking about her not in a inquisitive manner. I was just asking questions making small talk and I figured out that she shares the same graduation year as a guy that she follows with the same name. This unfortunately sent me into a spiral of looking things up and stalking I found that the guy was older than us and that he took a gap year. Which are all things that she is saying that this girl has done. So I have almost confirmed that she is lying. Part of me wants to believe her, but it would have to be such a small coincidence that a girl she doesn’t follow shares the same name in graduation year as a guy she follows.

Throughout our whole relationship, she’s been very against cheating and having an open relationship. As far as I know, we have been completely exclusive the whole time even while we were just talking she seems to get upset when I am feeling insecure or whenever I question her but I feel like after the first time she lied to me I kind of have a right too. The advice I’m looking for is how to bring this up. I do love her and it’s a hard pill to swallow trying to think that she might be cheating on me or lying to me again, I’m sorry if any of the grammar in this is bad or hard to read I use text to speech to write this all out because I’m on lunch currently. Thank you for reading this all the way through, please do not bash her. She’s an amazing person and at the end of the day if things aren’t going well some people look for that in others.

My boyfriend (we’re both 23) and I were together for almost 7 years. We broke up for a few months and recently got back together. Things honestly had been going really well. We were communicating better, affectionate again, talking about the future, and I genuinely felt hopeful.

Then everything changed.
I found out (by going through his phone, which I know was wrong) that during the end of our relationship and around our breakup, he had developed feelings for one of my family friends.
This isn’t just some random girl. She’s someone I have to see at family gatherings.
After confronting him, he admitted he did have feelings for her.

He told me our relationship at the time was “hanging on by a thread.” He said we had basically become friends, I stopped showing affection, stopped kissing him, stopped making him feel wanted, and he naturally developed feelings because she was kind, listened to him, and they clicked. Honestly, some of what he said is true. Toward the end of our relationship I had emotionally shut down because I was resentful and thinking about breaking up myself.
He says the feelings weren’t something he chose. He said they just happened naturally because of where he was emotionally. He also said he didn’t want them to happen.

Eventually he confessed his feelings to her. She had a boyfriend and rejected him.
His explanation is that he confessed because he wanted to get the feelings off his chest so he could move on and continue being friends with her. He says he wasn’t trying to pursue a relationship with her and still hoped maybe someday he and I would work things out.
He also keeps telling me:
He loves me.
He’s deeply sorry this happened.
Maybe he shouldn’t have confessed.
He never wanted to hurt me.
He didn’t tell me after we got back together because he thought it was over, nothing ever happened between them, and he didn’t think bringing it up would accomplish anything except hurt what we had rebuilt.

The problem is… I also found journal entries.
One of them talked about how happy he felt seeing little things she did, like covering her laugh.
He says the feelings started while we were still together because our relationship was already falling apart. He says he thought they would go away and never intended to pursue them.
Part of me understands that people don’t necessarily choose their feelings.

Another part of me can’t stop thinking:
“If you were capable of developing feelings for someone else while we were together, how am I ever supposed to feel safe again?”
He also says he wants to stay friends with her because nothing ever happened and she’s still his friend. That part is especially difficult because she’s my family friend, and I’ll still have to see her.
I don’t know if I’m looking at this too emotionally because it’s all so fresh, or if this is a relationship-ending breach of trust.

For people who’ve been through something similar:
Have you ever successfully rebuilt trust after finding out your partner developed feelings for someone else during a rough period of the relationship?
Is it realistic to heal from something like this?
Or am I trying to convince myself to stay because I still love him?

I’m 26 years old, and I’ve reached a point where I can’t keep this to myself anymore. I know I’m the one who made these decisions. I’m not here to ask people to excuse what I did. I’m asking because I genuinely don’t know what the right thing to do is anymore.

Please read the whole thing before replying because I think the context matters, even if it doesn’t change the fact that I betrayed my girlfriend.

Before I met my current girlfriend, I got out of a relationship that left me emotionally messed up. Looking back, I should have stayed single and worked on myself. I even told myself that’s exactly what I was going to do.
Instead, I met my current girlfriend. and i even told her im not ready yet for a relationship, but.. i got attached and fell in love. she also said she wants this.. so we went with it despite knowing i should not.

She is honestly one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. She treats me with love, respect, patience, and loyalty. She lost her mom last year, has been through so much already, and somehow still manages to be an incredibly caring person.
She trusts me completely.

She talks about building a future together. We were planning on moving countries together. We booked a trip to the Bahamas months ago that’s coming up next week. She even turned down a professional opportunity because she wanted to build our future where I currently live. My family loves her. Her family knows me. She has my picture everywhere. She genuinely believes I’m the best thing that ever happened to her.

That’s the part that destroys me.

Early in our relationship, I became emotionally attached to a coworker.
It wasn’t just physical attraction. I genuinely fell in love with her. We talked constantly, we kissed multiple times, and I hid all of this from my girlfriend.
The coworker had a boyfriend (now fiance). She repeatedly told me she loved me more than him but said she would never leave him because it would destroy her life. I spent months believing there might somehow be a future between us even though, looking back, there never really was.
I know some people will say she manipulated me. Maybe she did, maybe she didn’t. At the end of the day, none of that changes my responsibility.

I chose to keep seeing her.
I chose to hide it.
I chose to lie by omission.

Eventually everything ended. I cut contact. I removed every other situation from my life that could lead me down a similar path. There is genuinely nothing left on my phone or in my life that I’m hiding anymore.
But the secret itself is still there.
Today it finally hit me what I’ve actually done.

I’ve spent most of the day crying, having panic attacks, and realizing that the image my girlfriend has of me isn’t real because she doesn’t know the truth.
Here’s what makes this so difficult.
I don’t want the coworker anymore.
I don’t want to build a future with anyone else.
I want my girlfriend.

Ironically, I only fully realized how much she means to me after I had already betrayed her.
I know how awful that sounds.

The thing I’m struggling with is this:
If I tell her, there’s a real chance I lose the person I want to spend my life with.
She has trust issues already. This could completely destroy her trust in me.
She may leave.
She would have every right to.
If I don’t tell her, she continues living with someone she believes has been completely honest with her.
I don’t think that’s fair either.

Another reason I’m posting is because I’m starting to realize this may be part of a deeper pattern in me.
I’ve never been particularly good at honesty when I’m afraid of hurting people or facing consequences. I avoid difficult conversations until they become impossible to avoid. I attach very deeply to people who make me feel seen when I’m emotionally vulnerable.

I’m not saying any of this excuses cheating.
It doesn’t.

I’m saying I think I need therapy because I don’t want to become this person again.

One thing that also matters: early in our relationship, my girlfriend admitted she had developed an emotional attachment to another guy. She hadn’t cheated physically, but she voluntarily told me because she believed I deserved to know. I appreciated her honesty.
Now I’m sitting here wondering whether I owe her the same honesty, even if it costs me everything.

I’m not looking for people to tell me I’m secretly a good guy.
I know what I did was wrong.
I’m also not looking for people to tell me to just keep the secret because “she’ll never know.”
If you were in my girlfriend’s position, would you want to know?
If you were me, would you tell her before our Bahamas trip or after?
Can a relationship actually recover from something like this if the person who cheated genuinely takes responsibility, goes to therapy, and changes, or is the damage done no matter what?

I love this woman.
That’s exactly why I feel like she deserves the truth.
I’m just terrified that the truth will cost me the future we’ve been planning together.

​

I, 29F and my boyfriend, 29M have been together for two years. I know the cliche, but he's amazing. He's been really supportive of me, helping me get my drivers license, got me a car, pays for the gas, is always willing to help me with anything and often does so without asking. He's considerate and shows it through action. He's loved and so kind to my friends and family, being as helpful to them as to me. He's intelligent and funny, loves doing things together and going on adventures. We love spending time together and do so all the time basically.

But my problem is that he's awful at giving compliments. I'm serious. At first I thought you know, he's that type of blue collar and grew up in a loving, yet not so vocal about these things, type of family. But Ive told him so many times now. That I need reassurance, I compliment him, and all he calls me is "cute". He also calls a dog we pass by in a car "cute". I would love to feel like he's into me as well, but he does not show it that much, if at all. At least not in a language I understand.

Our intimate life is also unbalanced, as I have a much higher drive than him. Of course we go by his pace, but this also makes me feel unwanted.

I also hate the fact he follows a lot of girls on IG. Not IG models, but a lot of girls. He's very popular in our hometown, so he knows many but it's making me doubt. Like.. there is interest but it's just not directed to me?

My ex was abusive as hell. He cheated on me, followed girl after girl on IG, on tiktok, added them on snap, treated me like shit and so on. So I fear my trauma is screaming at me louder than rational thoughts. I find it really difficult talking about this with him, although I have tried. I just feel like it's not clicking.

What would you do? Would you break up? Or would you consider my past is blinding me?

have been seeing a M30 for about 1-2 months. we have been enjoying time together, talk every day on and off, and have just been going on dates once a week and things have turned intimate. things seem to be going down a path of being possibly serious if it continues as he has brought up future plans/date ideas/me meeting his friends and family. however, we have not had the exclusive bf/gf convo. i am F27 and recently got out of an unhealthy and long term relationship; the connection with this new guy was unexpected but i think he’s been trying to be super respectful of me and my situation i got out of months ago which is why we are pacing things.

we were hanging out tonight and he brought up his plans for the week that included seeing a friend (female and told me her name) for lunch 1:1. he brought up that this friend was going to be his plus 1 to his sisters wedding that he is a groomsman in. the wedding is in 3 months/october. he started to hint that he’s going to need to talk to her about it. i couldn’t fully understand what he was getting at but he said he was going to frame as seeing if she is still interested in going. it was almost like he didn’t want me to be unaware but he also feels he should tell her he is seeing someone as well since she’s technically his date. he sort of sarcastically said “that’ll be a fun conversation.” he told me that she won’t be jealous or have any problems with me, it’s more that she’s going to all of the wedding events as his plus one and it’s a calendar commitment for her of multiple days to take off for. i obviously told him to follow through with the plans as that’s what they had set. on a sidenote, i do not want to come off as controlling jealous or overboard, especially as we have not put an official label on “us”… but it stood out to me that they are meeting up 1:1 for lunch and he asked her to his date to all the wedding events a while ago. can i get some other takes on this situation just to get out of my own head? running through all these possible scenarios as i really don’t want to be involved in a love triangle so to speak or be the “other girl.” ultimately, a talk with him is the best way to hash out answers but figured i’d seek some opinions. thanks!

DETAIL: he asked her to be plus one before we started talking.

is this something I should be worried about ? my current boyfriend who is 28 I’m 28 as well, we have been together since February of 2026 so not that long, he had a relationship prior to me for five years he was single for about a year and a half when we met. and he has sworn he is over her. occasionally he brings her up when it comes to like the dogs they had since he still owns then or when he vents to be about a certain past time. a month ago I was straightening his space out and one of his books fell 4-5 pictures fell out and it was of them. I asked him he said “oh shit” and threw then out he was apologetic and I chose to let it go. now yesterday I was checking the time on his phone cuz he asked me to and there was two tik tok notifications from her from the 4th of July and another instance. now he has no videos or likes or reposts and she has only two videos from 2024. should I be worries? I couldnr see the context because his phone was locked

Me (23f) recently started talking to this guy (35M). He made it official that he's looking for a wife , not a girlfriend. I was like well, I'm ready to be one coz he seems someone trustworthy and likeable.

It's been a month now, we've only met thrice and all were in a Airbnb. No official date. He's promised quite a lot but none has been fulfilled.

He even wants me to have his baby. Be a stay home mom and such.

The issue is he's unavailable emotionally, whenever I call him he doesn't pick and doesn't call back. If he calls back he'll just be like he's in a meeting or doing sth he'll call back later but he doesn't. I get he's a busy guy with lot to handle but I also need him. He also travels a lot for work/business

He said that the only thing that would make him leave is if I cheat...he checked my phone in one of the meetups and he found nothing coz well, I'm serious about him.

The only time we get to talk in depth is when we meet. (Those 3 meetups). ..coz if it's chatting he tends to make it sexual or more of convincing me to get his baby and only initiates the chats....if I text him, he doesn't respond.

Could he really be serious? Can he be trusted

I’m 25M and my wife is 25F

A situation happened when we were doing a grocery run. She was pushing the cart and i was grabbing and looking for flour but there’s different brands of flour so i kept moving paces. She then stood next to me with the cart and I grabbed flour from the bottom shelf and when i looked up to her, i accidentally glanced at the woman behind her.

I immediately said sorry to my wife because i glanced and i only did for not more than a second because we have had this issue before. This was an issue we talked about already. My wife said I looked at the woman’s ass right in front of her, I told my wife it was line of sight and I was squatting from picking an item at the bottom shelf and upon looking at my wife, the woman was behind her and that caused me to glance.

I didn’t glance/look because I was interested or attracted, I don’t know the reason why I glanced but it’s definitely not because I was checking her up or I’m lusting over another woman.

The reason I’m sharing this is because my wife’s past experiences were rough. She was surrounded with MEN who were unfaithful and cheaters. Even her previous one was like that and so I had to step up. I know I’m not a cheater but I didn’t know my boundaries back then, I used to have conversations with other people before I met my partner and even during the first stage of our relationship that were ‘too friendly’ and we talked about it as that concerns her + she has trust issues due to her pasts. I have been trying to correct everything and doing my best to make her feel safe and trust me fully but with things like the situation that happened, it was a difficult situation.

Can someone tell me how to improve or give me an advice, tell me what I did wrong and how to fix it.

I told her even before that whenever I’m outside, I like to observe everything. When we’re out just walking I look at the street, I look at the stores, I look at people and with this, I mean all people and not just women.

I look at men as well but when I look at women, there’s a problem and I understand her. I understand her because of her past traumas. It’s just difficult when I glance at someone and I quickly realized that “oh shit its a woman” and I look away instantly and still I get my wife upset and angry.

The thing I would like to add is that I’ve done things that upset her before. I would say it piled up and that cause her to have more trouble trusting me.

1. ⁠I told her before that I am not close with my co workers let alone women co workers, but she’s seen how I talk with my previous co workers on my past messages with them. The thing with this is that I lied to her.
2. ⁠I said stuff that I know myself that I did in my past and the reason for lying was because I wanted to start new with her. I don’t get comfy with female co workers or talk to them ever since I met my partner and that’s because she’s not comfortable with me being close to other women.
3. ⁠A very recent issue was that I got transferred to a new branch and I checked my co workers and one of them was someone familiar that my brother and friend mentioned before. So I checked her profile to confirm mutuals and me checking her profile became an issue and caused a fight with me and my wife.
4. ⁠That fight was not because I checked other people’s profile. The fight caused because I lied my way when she found out I checked someone else’s profile. The fight was mainly because I lied and the fact that I lied was what hurt her even more, considering her past traumas.

What do I do?

I was using my boyfriend’s laptop because mine died, and he gave me his to use. While I was on it, I noticed a girl’s name in his Google history. I got curious and clicked on it, and then I saw he’d been searching for her pretty regularly. Last time a week ago.
We’ve been together for almost a year, and every search was just him going to her Instagram.
When I asked who she was, he first said she was “no one.” After I kept asking, he admitted she was a girl from high school that he had sex with once, years ago. They were never in a relationship.
I get looking up an ex or someone from your past once in a while out of curiosity. But repeatedly checking the Instagram of someone you only hooked up with once feels strange to me.
I honestly don’t know what to think. Am I reading too much into this, or would this make you uncomfortable too?

I recently found out the guy I have been dating for 2 years is engaged. Everyone keeps telling me not to tell his fiance but apart of me wishes she knew because it’s not fair that he is living a double life and she’s clueless. What should I do?

It’s tiring to talk about this topic but situation makes me tense and I thought writing about this would help to regulate emotions better and calm my mind.

We have a relationship almost a year long. She was classmate with this guy during uni. They never been together or anything but they were close friends. Before we’ve met, he (let’s say S) confessed her to his feelings. As much as she said, he is really in love with her. He even gave a very meaningful gift which she eventually got rid of. When he opened up flrst, she said she didn’t want a relationship and then they thought they could be friends, so they occasionally texted and talked.

After 2-3 months later, we have met and mutual liking developed fast. There are some situationship phase and eventually both parties wanted it to be official. Nowadays we are planning me to meet with his family so things are going well and more serious.

Anyways, after 3-4 months into the relationship she told me that S is still texting, sending songs etc. After that I wanted to listen to the son and it was obviously a love song. I told her that he is still making moves but we said “let’s not assume anything”. Maybe a week later another text came, I was really disturbed and we talked, she told him to not to text her if it’s not absolutely necessary. He also said “you misunderstood my actions” and that conversation ended there.

Now it’s been six months after that ending, total 3 refusal but ahe told me S texted her to ask about master programme which he also consider applying. At first he said “I called by mistake” she said “Ok no worries” and then he wanted to meet face to face to talk about education stuff. I’m not buying it ofc. I think he would try his chance every other couple months.

There are also possibility that they would work in same office in the future, during this time I will be abroad for 6 months.

Me and my gf talked about this and she said she don’t want to answer his questions and she would block him if he try to get contact again. I thought It should be enough to make feel safe, nothing to worry about or it shouldn’t cause any trust issues.

I said if he text again I could talk to him, she said ok. What would I tell tho? Threaten? Should I beat this guy?

I feel like my gf is trying to do her best to make me feel good, too. I don’t want to make things hard for her out of small topics. What does female redditors think about this?

Any questions, suggestions, making points are welcomed.

TLDR: My gf’s old friend confessed her to his feelings and kept coming back after 3 rejections. How to deal with this situation?

I started dating a guy recently that I dated last year. We dated for a few months (never official) before I broke it off due to him not really being there emotionally. During the time we broke up I met someone who works at the same place as him and we had a 4 month fling. Now the place he works at is a super big place so i didnt think to mention anything as I doubt they knew each other. Now we’ve been back together for a few months and it’s going much better than last time and I can see us becoming serious. The last time we hung out he talked to me more about his job and how he had gotten a promotion since the last time we dated. His new promotion makes him over a certain area that I know my fling works with. Also during our conversation we talked about how his ex cheated on him with a coworker she matched with on tinder. Which is where I met my fling… now im nervous because what if it’s the same man? Even if it’s not he still more than likely knows him… i feel like if I tell him I could ruin things if I dont tell him im being dishonest.

I am a 33 years old male in the healthcare field for the past 5 years. AlhamduLeAllah when I was single I worked hard on myself to create a comfortable life and through successful investments I was able to achieve a lot of my financial goals earlier than I thought. One of my goals was to be financially comfortable being married so I can provide a comfortable life for my wife and kids in the future inshallah - AlhamduLeAllah I was able to achieve that.

After reaching that goal 2 years ago, I decided to get married to a woman I met at an Islamic event who is Algerian. She comes from humble background and I was attracted to her values, how she carried herself with respect and her beauty as well - at least that’s how she marketed herself to me. She had part time jobs and she made minimal income - I don’t care about that but it’s important for the context of the story.

One of my requirements was a prenup, which would have applied to any woman I wanted to marry, it’s not about her at all - she agreed and signed the prenup under the condition that it provides her protection incase of a divorce and I did that.

Since we got married, my wife decided to be a stay at home wife by her own choice. I told her I am able to provide $2000 a month in allowance, in addition to me being the main/only provider (that included mortgage, car, insurance, groceries, gas, clothing and every necessity of life).

That’s where the red flags start. I will only mention a few of many many red flags for you to get an idea and tell me your advice/thoughts. Here we go:

1. She starts to tell me how $2000 a month is not enough and they are “okay” but she will be “patient” which insinuates I am not successful enough in her eyes - which I find so demeaning and constantly weighed my mental health down. Keep in mind I don’t make any demands at all while she is at home, I never ask her to cook, clean, do laundry or anything - me intention is to make her life a very peaceful and comfortable life which I think she has been taken for granted given how easy I made things.

2. If there is a month I don’t pay her the allowance due to reasons beyond my ability or just send part of it depending on my expenses for the month, she starts to withhold emotions and act cold with me.

3. She has what I think is an unusual obsession with material things and money because they are brought up in literally every single conversation. I understand that people can like nice things which is normal, but I find her to have an unusual obsession with those things which are evident by her addiction to watching social media posts about influencers who promote this type of lifestyle, she herself doesn’t post anything and doesn’t have followers/following but she consumes this content a lot.

4. She has multiple times tried to use intimacy/sex to leverage a material gain such as a bag or an expensive item. I found that to be highly disturbing given that it happened 4 times, I told her about it and she said that she was joking and I always take things out of context.

5. She constantly makes comments that reflect her view on men and relationships and that without money men can’t have love or intimacy with a woman because what does a woman get in return (whaaaat) lol.

6. Every holiday, birthday, and anniversary she expects lavish gifts. I am talking $10,000+ bags and things like that. I was able to do that a couple of times (unfortunately) but I find it takes away the barakah and given that I am super money conscious I find it haram and unnecessary to spend that much money just to make someone happy. Especially that she knows how I work day and night to provide this life and how stressed I feel constantly. Now I have an anxious association with any holiday because I know I have to prepare big bucks to make her happy, I would rather invest this money.

7. Lastly, MY TRIGGER FOR THE DIVORCE: her birthday was 2 months ago in April. She has been nagging me for so long that she wants this specific bag that’s $12,000. Last minute she also decided to visit her Algerian parents who live in France for 6 weeks and expects me to magically fund that. I gave her a total of $16,000 for both her birthday and trip - thinking that would make her insanely happy and get off my shoulders. To be honest, that really financially overwhelmed me but I was excited to feel the peace after she leaves. Lo and behold, 15 days later she asks me for her $2000 allowance…… I told her that I am overwhelmed lately juggling many responsibilities and I won’t able able to send her monthly allowance this month, especially that my mom is sick and I have been taking care of her financially as well plus the fact that I gave my wife more than enough money for both her birthday and trip. She showed complete disregard to my mental wellbeing or even my mother’s sickness and just said a chore statement like “ok I hope you and your mom get better” and started to completely withhold emotions and act cold with me. When I talked to her about all the insane comments she makes, she deflects and denies every single one of them or just says “she is joking”.

Thats when I went off and asked for divorce. To clear my consciousness in front of Allah, I consulted with an imam, a relationship coach, 3 therapists (1 male Muslim, 1 female Muslim, and 1 female non-Muslim) all of which consistently told me that I am with a scammer and I need to leave as soon as possible.

I always dreamed of being the best husband ever to my wife and future kids. I never thought in a million years that I would be a divorced man, not that there is anything is wrong with that but I tried so hard to make this work and I can’t continue to deny the financial abuse over the past couple of years - this will be financially destructive to me if I continue, especially given that my financial progress in life slowed down significantly since I got married.

I would love to hear your advice and your opinion. Do you agree this is financial abuse and that it’s fair for me to seek divorce or am I overthinking because I am in an emotional state? Am I a bad husband or is what I am doing not enough? You can see how the constant lack of gratefulness from her side is impacting myself image and mental health.

So this is very controversial but my boyfriend was already in a relationship when we started talking and eventually things got deeper and he would tell me he would leave her for me etc.howev before he could even leave her ,she left him for her own reasons and also somehow found out about us.She called me a side hoe to him and just blocked him on most apps.(i know because i was snooping lol) However its been 6 days after they broke ip and we're together but I noticed that he still follows her on little apps he uses like a music app that has a chat option ,a movie app ,and a steps tra ker app that also has chat.i noticed that she does not even follow him back though.One thing I also saw on his phone though was that he actually texted her on the tracker app a day after she had blocked him everywhere.he just sent her a preset motivation text something like " youre killing it" .for more info you have to click the chat first either text whatever u want or click "cheer" which generates an automatic text and then click send.so it wasnt by accident .I also noticed that just 2 days before the break up he was still being affectionate with her and telling her he loves her.i dont know if I should be worried?if this means anything?why would he still follow her knowing she literally insulted me ?

Also dont think I am posting on the right subreddit but oh well I just need opinions

For a little more context they were kind of public somw of his friends and family knew about her too so im kind of worried