r/relationships_advice

My fiance and I have been talking about getting a prenup and I've made it pretty clear that I'm not against the idea. I think it makes sense for us to have something in place especially since we both have our own savings and investments. The issue is that whenever I try to have an actual conversation about what we'd want included he just says we should wait until we hire lawyers and figure everything out with them. I've tried asking him more specific questions about things like future income, property, and such, but I keep getting the same answer.

I understand that lawyers are supposed to guide us through the legal side of things but shouldn't we at least have some idea of what we both want before getting them involved? It feels weird to me that we're supposedly on the same page about getting a prenup but haven't discussed any of the terms so am I overthinking this? Did you and your partner figure out what you wanted beforehand or did you go into the first consultations without much of a plan?

I have a friend, we have been friends since 9th class and now we have both passed 12th, it's our dropper year and we are both preparing for JEE. He proposed to me on Sep 25th but then he said let's focus on preparation now and said he will talk to me directly after giving the April attempt. I said okay fine, studyyy

But I don't understand is he studying for 24 hours that he can't give me even 1 hour out of 24?

Before accepting his proposal I told him that you don't love me, you just like me, otherwise there's nothing like that between us, so he said the biggest myth is what even is love, he said we both understand each other and what else do we need

I mean even friends understand each other 😭🤣 I don't understand anything

Hey guys, I am not really sure what to do right now. Last night my boyfriend got super drunk I mean couldn’t walk without falling drunk. He tends to drink pretty often but I’ve never seen him this drunk before. Anyways we both laid down to go bed and next think I know I am waking up to him standing next to the bed with him peeing on me. I got upset and said “are you f***ing peeing on me right now?” And he responded with yes. I then asked why and he didn’t give me a response. I then blew up and told him to grab the blanket and sheet off the bed and to toss it in the washer while I went to go shower.

When I got out I find the blanket on the floor and the sheet halfway taken off of the bed and him passed out in the pee spot. I woke him up and told him he needed to get them into the washer. He then proceeded to do so but without saying why am I awake I am confused. So I explained that he decided to get up and pee on me. He then starts saying no I would never do that. Are you sure someone didn’t break in to pee on you instead. I blew up got super mad about this and we fought going in circles for a good hour of him saying he didn’t do it and me saying it was you I saw you and even spoke to you while you did it.

The fight never really got resolved I told him I didn’t want to keep going in circles and I felt super disrespected being peed on by him and him trying to gaslight me to it wasn’t him and told him to go sleep on the bed while I took the couch. He’s still asleep while I type this and I am not sure what to do. I am still super upset with it but I am not sure how to address it.

So I have been in a relationship with my current girlfriend for four years now, and I’ve never felt attracted to anybody else. Always been happy in this relationship.

So recently I’ve been on a trip with some of my friends and a friends friend, was also there who I was meeting for the first time. Ever since the trip I’ve been thinking about that girl and our conversations.

During the trip, I felt like she liked me (my girlfriend was on the trip too) and we had few good conversations and I also felt her glancing towards me a few times. Other thing is, I know that she is out of my league, and I’ve only been on the trip with her for a few days, but ever since the trip I cant stop thinking about her.

*After this happened, I feel like I’ve lost my feelings and my love towards my current girlfriend and have only been thinking about being with the new girl. I don’t know what to do or how to get over her.*

How do I get over this?

Edit : Iam not saying I dont love my girlfriend anymore. I am actively trying to choose her but its just that Iam getting a lot of subconscious thoughts about this new girl which I dont like either.

Hi everyone, I really need some outside perspective.

My ex (34M) and I (28F) dated for 5 years. About 4 months ago, he broke up with me. He said he was getting bored, wanted his freedom, and wasn't ready to commit.

The problem is, we still text everyday, and he texts me first almost every time. We share a big group of mutual friends, but honestly, I've also been keeping in touch because I secretly hope he'll come back.

He gives me a lot of mixed signals. He still says he misses me, and if I go out late at night and don't reply to his texts, he'll call me and say he's worried about me.

In a few months, it would have been our 6 year anniversary, and it's hitting me really hard. I'm thinking about finally drawing a firm line today and telling him 'If we aren't getting back together then we need to stop talking.'

Should I give him this ultimatum? Or how should I step back to protect my own feelings without making things awkward with our mutual friends? Any advice is appreciated.

I’ve been in a relationship for 4 years with and have found my bf looking and searching this girl up multiple times over the past 2 years, he deletes all his search history and last time I brought it up which was Valentine’s Day lol, it just got brushed over but he keeps doing it. I don’t know if it’s petty to breakup over but it’s really hurting me, I don’t like to cause conflict so it’s hard to bring up. I kind of know I should leave but I drifted from a lot of my friends while being in this relationship and I guess I’m just too comfortable with him. What shall I do? We also live together he’s addicted to weed we never go out he doesn’t ask me about me he is addicted to his phone I’m so fed up

So my wife & I hit a rough patch few months ago. She’s been saying we need to fix the individual before we can fix our relationship. So we’ve basically gone back to being friends. She says she has no time for relationship because I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to do in relationship so she’s tired of begging for what she needs in it.

Now let’s go back few months ago I found out while I was away she was texting her ex & sending him inappropriate pictures & messages. When confronted she didn’t see it as cheating & basically said she sought out attention because she wasn’t getting it at home. I told her stop talking to this guy I tried to move on from that. COME now to present day we still not that same as we were because she’s not focused on our relationship. She’s now texting the same guy I just so happened to glance at her phone while sitting next to each other. I confront her she’s like she doesn’t see the big deal because his grandmother is dying she went to offer some comfort because they grew up together. AM I WRONG to just want to stop working on your relationship. We have 2 kids so it’s tough.

SIDE NOTE: I have been checked out of our relationship when it came to romance because I was so focused on work. So I get the decline in our relationship due to me not being considerate & there for her needs.

My family doesn't approve of my significant other and are heavily against the idea of having anything to do with him but he's always treated me with respect and is genuinely the sweetest person i know and I'm willing to argue against my family but has anyone been through anything similar and is there any advice?

I (27)M have been with 26(F) for 4 and half a years and I didn’t know until today that she still feels upset and upset with herself about the early stages of our relationship. Just to clarify sorry we aren’t married. I take full responsibility for my actions and mistakes that I sexually coerced her into giving me oral. I didn’t know at the time what I was doing was wrong but no matter what I can’t forgive myself and I am definitely the wrong. I researched a lot about this and how to fix this and to never let anything like that happen again. I truly love her to death and I need to save this relationship. She says that since that day she still thinks about it and struggles with sexual things we do. My intent is not to fix sexual issues, I can go my whole life without having sex again I just truly love her and want to help her fix this. I know IATA and I deserve all the hate but I just want to help her and save this relationship. I’m not an evil person she credits me to saving her life as she had mental and suicidal issues before meeting me. I’m not holding that as something or anything but I sincerely honest to go truly love her will do anything to make her happy and I want to save our relationship. I need help i don’t know what to do, is sex therapy the best or speaking to a psychologist. I feel so terrible as I should, I just want to fix this I recognise and accept I did the wrong things and I am trying to find and research everything I can do to save us but especially her please help me. I want to find a solution so that we can still be both together. Is giving her time without contact for a week or two good idea as well? Give her lot of space?

My ex partner insisted I stay home (not work) most of our relationship. Therefore didn’t majority of providing for multiple years. We’ve now ended our relationship & I am making plans to move out. He’s demanded everything he’s paid for stays.
Part of me just wants to oblige because I’m tired of fighting & ready to be finished.
But the request is insane & petty. I’ll have practically no wardrobe. Including no panties or bras. My son will have no wardrobe at all. I wi have one comforter as far as bedding goes. My glasses that I need to see would have to stay. My son’s build a bear. Not to mention gifts. Like my kitchen aid mixer. My purse. My book I haven’t finished yet. What about my toothbrush. My antidepressants. Like. What do I do? How do I get this person to be reasonable. He put me in a spot of relying on him & now it’s being thrown in my face. I recently started working, & have somewhere to go once I leave. So I will build a future. But how hard do I push back on him taking everything from me?

We have been together for more than 3 years , we lived together for the first year and a half but she had to go back to her parents house so we live long disctance now. Everything seemed good the first 2 years , but one day i looked at her snapchat and i found out that she has been speaking to a lot of guys and she sent them a lot of pictures (+18), when i confronted her she started crying and apologizing and told me she will never do it again , it hurt me a lot and i still don’t think i recovered from it , but i agreed to move on from this because I really love her and i saw her depressed everyday , and also because we are planning to move to another contry together so we move on from this . Lately i notice a change in her for example if she goes out and send cute pictures on snapchat i notice that her score goes up a lot meaning she sent it to other people and i know she doesn’t have girlfriends, when i try to speak to her about this before she used to comfort me but now she gets really mad and start yelling and give the silence treatment for hours or days . We traveled last month together and out of nowhere her phone started to ring it was a guy calling on snapchat , when i confronted her she told me that its her friend( she never spoke about him) and started yelling and telling me im insecure and stayed mad for more than 2 days . Now these days she got over 40 new followers in less than 2 weeks and i dont know what to do ( don’t forget when i bring this subject its like i activate a bomb) What do you think i should do?

Male here married to a woman for 20 years. Over those 20 years, our sex life has been more than un-exceptional. Kids, work, yada yada. This led to some marriage counseling and some discussions over the years, but honestly, very little has ever changed. My wife has really never (IMHO) tried different things (scheduling sex for example) to improve the situation and I really think sex is just obligatory from her perspective. In all honestly, I have little doubt that she does truly does love me, but I think I have also realized with 100% clarity that nothing is ever going to change with our sex life - and I don't think I want to stay in the relationship given this reality. Thoughts?

My boyfriend is almost 30 and moved back into his parents’ house during COVID to save money. We started dating, and we used to hang out at his house, but we get privacy at my place. And that’s saying something, considering I live in a dorm with roommates!
He goes back and forth between our places, which involves a lot of driving for him. His family situation is also complicated. His parents love each other, but they sleep separately.
When his mother is sick, he sometimes sleeps in her room. They also occasionally fall asleep together while watching a movie. I feel uncomfortable with this arrangement, partly because I wonder why his father isn't the one providing that kind of comfort.
One time, my boyfriend was going through a personal crisis. He came to my dorm to be with me and return something important, but he wouldn't stay the night, even though he had the next day off. He had promised his mom he would return, and she gets anxious.
I remember thinking that I was his partner, I had been there for him during his crisis, and I was worried about him too. I didn't understand why he felt he needed to go back when his father was there with his mother. He did stay for a while and texted his mom about his health issue.
I once jokingly asked him if he cuddles with his mom, and he said he sometimes holds her hand.
A week ago, when I was out of town, he had an entire evening planned with his mother. They spent around 8-9 hours together.

I called him during that time, and we spoke for about
Some minutes. He seemed distracted. I asked whether he had seen the
Stuff I sent him, and he said he was with his mom but would look at it. I said goodbye and ended the call because I had work and needed to wake up early the next morning.
He got home really late and texted me, "Hey, I'm home. Traffic was crazy." That was all. There was no goodnight or anything else. The next morning, I found out he had slept in his mother's room.
I have brought up my concerns with him before. I told him that I want a partner who is emotionally available. He thought he was already sharing his life with me and said that I am the person he shares the most with.
We do spend a lot of time together, either in person or on calls, so I don't feel that he is generally absent from my life. My concern is more about certain situations and how he balances his relationship with his family and his relationship with me.
There was another incident when his mother, whom he calls "Mommy or momma ," called him. He told her something along the lines of, "I don't think I'll come over. The traffic is crazy, and the commute is easier from here, from my place."

His mom replied that she was awake and working on something, so she would be up anyway.
We walked back to our room, and he said he would tuck me in, which essentially meant he would leave afterward

I asked him why he had told his mom he might not come over, only to decide to leave anyway. He was exhausted, and it seemed to make more sense for him to rest. I was leaving too, so I thought we could spend some time together.
He explained that he hadn't seen his mom and that she hadn't been home the previous day. She is often out doing things, so I struggled to understand why he felt he needed to go back that particular night.
Eventually, we went to our room, and I lay down. He lay down too, but I asked whether he still needed to leave. He said it made sense for him to stay, and we went back and forth about it.
Later, I told him I didn't want his parents to think I was making him stay at my place. He said they wouldn't think that. I explained that I sometimes worry about how they perceive the situation, and we agreed that we should have a conversation about it.
We were also supposed to brush our teeth, but he ended up spending around 10 minutes on a call with his mom, even though he knew I had to wake up early. When he came back, I told him he had locked me out of my own bathroom. He apologized repeatedly.
The next morning, he left. Later, I saw that he had sent his mom screenshots showing how long the commute from my place takes, along with traffic updates. He told her that the commute was too long and that he needed to do something about it. His mom replied, "WE have to do something. It's huge!"
This made me wonder how much his living arrangements and his family's needs influence the decisions he makes about our relationship.
I have also told him before that I wonder whether his mother's reliance on him for emotional support is connected to the emotional distance between his parents.
I love him, and he loves me. I don't want to create conflict between him and his family, and I don't want him to feel that he has to choose between us. At the same time, I want to feel that we are building our own relationship and that my needs are being considered when he makes decisions.
He has told me that he gets messy when he is back home, but I am not sure what that means or how to approach it.
For people who have navigated something similar in a relationship:
How can I communicate my needs for emotional availability, quality time, and consideration without making my partner feel that I am criticizing his relationship with his mother?
Since I have already brought up my concerns, is it better to have one more direct conversation about what I need, or give him some time to work through things on his own?
How can I figure out whether we have compatible expectations about independence, family involvement, and building a life together?
I would appreciate advice on how to approach this constructively while respecting both his family relationships and my own needs in the relationship.

I am in a very healthy and loving relationship with my boyfriend. I have been in really rough relationships in the past that have made me have my guard up completely during sex. When my boyfriend and I started dating, I told him that I don’t feel comfortable giving him a bj and he was completely sweet about it. As we are coming closer to a year, he has complained that it makes him feel unwanted or grossed out by him. I have explained that obviously that’s not the case, but it keeps being a topic of discussion. We have a great sex life other than that and I want to physically do it, but I have emotional barriers that I really want to get over to be able to do that with him. I guess my issue is that it feels like i’m bowing down to someone and also bjs are usually very pornographic in nature just because I feel like it’s harder to connect with him romantically during them. I’ve talked about it with someone and they said that i’m trying really hard to protect myself, but my boyfriend is definitely someone I trust and love and want to be vulnerable with. He’s always been respectful of me and I really want to overcome this mental block. Has anyone been in the same boat and gotten over this?

So my fiancé (22m) and I (23f) have been together for 4 almost 5 years. We have an almost 2 year old child together. The good days are great, I feel loved and cherished but when it’s bad it’s bad. If he has a bad day at work he’s snappy at me. He will push our son away if he does the smallest things (wiggles in his lap while he’s gaming, knocks his glasses off). He hates when I don’t have sex every time he wants to he gets really pissy and has yelled at me a few times over it. He’s never really been physical but there was one time he shoved me because he was really mad. If the baby cries or fuses during the night he will get very upset and start yelling shut up or go to sleep. He smokes every day because it “helps his mood”. He has said a few times that he’s a little jealous that the baby gets all of my attention. I just don’t know and I think I might be delusional and need someone unbiased to look into this because I think I love him too much and think I’m overthinking like he says I do

It seems that I (23 F) have a higher libido than boyfriend (23 M) and it has left me feeling undesired. He is a very kind and caring man and is always there for me even in difficult times.

That being said lately it's been weighing on me a lot, because I initiate most of the time (90%?) and it makes me feel like he doesn't want me. (He enjoys it, when we get to it, just doesn't seem enthusiastic.) We have sex about 2 or 3 times a week, but I would prefer it more frequently and for it to last longer, both of us (or just me) moving until exhaustion, but I don't want to keep him from finishing, because I think that would make him enjoy it less. Physically PIV sex doesn't do much for me (only grinding) as I have only been able to come from clitoral stimulation with toys, but his gasps, twitches and the emotional aspect of it is wonderful. I also enjoy giving him head without anything in return.

It hurts that he doesn't seem to want me as much as I want him. He does give me compliments and play with my breasts or butt sometimes and it's difficult to keep myself from snapping at him, because I start to hope and then always have to be disappointed as nothing else happens. We're young and I want to live life to the fullest and it's like I'm missing opportunities.

I love him and I want a future with him. At the same time I don't want to live my whole life feeling like I'm not appreciated and wanted. He also deserves someone who appreciates him and loves him wholeheartedly, because he really is amazing.

I have raised the issue with him and we're working on it, but in the mean time any advice on how to manage these difficulties would be welcome. I want to be more patient and a better partner for him. If you have been in a similar situation how did keep yourself from being demanding or unappreciative? Did you change yourself and focus on the positive parts?

Tldr: due to higher libido I'm (23 f) feeling undesired and having difficulties appreciating my otherwise amazing boyfriend (23 m). Looking for advice on how to manage.

I love having sex with my partner, and I’m very attracted to him (and I know he’s attracted to me too!). I just want us to explore more and figure out what really works for both of us.

I find that I get off much more easily with clitoral stimulation, so sometimes I’ll use my vibrator while we’re having sex, or we’ll switch to kissing and touching each other while I use it. Sometimes that works really well, but I’d love to find ways for us to make sex more pleasurable and help me orgasm more consistently.

One thing I’ve noticed is that I seem to need a certain momentum to build towards an orgasm. If I’m using my vibrator during penetration, for example, and the rhythm keeps changing or getting interrupted, I find it difficult to get there. I can’t quite explain it, but I feel like I need consistency to build up to that point.

I also find that feeling desired and knowing he’s really into it makes a big difference for me.

For women who’ve figured out what works for them, how did you get there? Is it about finding the right rhythm, combining penetration with clitoral stimulation, feeling connected, or something else entirely? How do you communicate what you need without necessarily knowing how to explain it yourself?
I’d love to hear your experiences!

ok so starting off, i know my bf loves me and i love him. weve been together for 2.5 years.
but sometimes i feel like i cant get his attention like i used to. he seems very focused on his phone when we are by ourselves, or like when were riding in the car (which i understand) but when hes around people like his friends at work or whatever, hes so happy and laughy. i get jealous and insecure that im doing something wrong… he is also always on his phone when im not around, so why doesnt he answer my messages most of the time?
when i bring this up, hes seems very quiet or says something like thats not what happens. hes not mean, hateful, or mad, but if i bring it up so much he does get irritated.
what can i do?

I am 20F and my ex 21M were together for 2 years and we still talk.

Context: when we started dating, I found 4-5 instances where he was texting girls he was with earlier or his situationships and also got super distant with his friend like 6 months into the relationship. I asked him why did he get distant and he brushed it off. Later I found out something happened between him and his friend’s gf and that’s why they stopped talking.

I was mad at him lying and not telling me the truth but also I didn’t had enough evidence to conclude he cheated.

I was young and dumb so I didn’t know what to do. I loved him but at the same time his actions made me want to take revenge. Since then, I treated him like shit but he stayed with me. Like I messed up a lot. Said things i shouldn’t have but he stayed. I cheated on him multiple times like 10-15 times that he didn’t know. Few of the people we both knew are aware of this. We had a common friend circle so I felt embarassed too but I was too blinded by what happened earlier and kept on cheating thinking I would feel ok once I take revenge. Finally we broke up cuz he was done with me treating him like shit (not cuz he knew i cheated)

But we never stopped talking. We are still in touch. He still wants me but I regret whatever I did and told him we cannot be together. I am trying to support him mentally in his life (family, financially and other issues) to make up for what I did which I know is no where close to recover. I come from a rich family and he is not that rich so he struggles financially and I do whatever i can but I know its just a way to make myself feel better.

I feel extremely guilty for what I did. I cry a lot daily because of this. I don’t know what to do. How to make up for it? The fact that he still wants to stay with me makes me sick of myself. I am not coming clean since I know it will just hurt him more and he would never be able to trust someone again. But this is eating me alive. I am the type of person who overthinks a lot. I would waste years just regretting what I did. I also feel bad for him. Sometimes I just think dying would be a better option instead of living like this. I can’t focus on school, career, anything.

I honestly don’t care what he did early on rn cuz what I did was infinitely worse. Now before you guys come at me, I know I am a piece of shit, belong to the streets and should never be trusted again. I abuse myself daily so feel free to do that if you guys want to as well but I also need genuine advice on how should I take it from here? I am not gonna come clean to him no matter what cuz I know he would go in depression if he got to know. But I feel he deserves to know at the same time else I think he would still think of me as a good gf all his life.