r/relationships_advice

Body:

We’ve known each other for 7 years, dated for 1, and have been married for 1 year. From the outside, he seems like a caring husband – but inside, I’m suffocating.

Finances:

He took over our joint budget completely. My entire salary (~$900/month after taxes) goes into his control. I’m afraid to keep even $10–$15 for myself because he questions every expense. When I once kept $120 from my pay, he interrogated me: “What’s going on? Where is that money going?” I feel like a child begging for pocket money. When my father gave me $120 for my birthday, my husband called it “insulting” and asked me to tell my dad not to do that again.

Social life:

I want to meet friends occasionally. His rule: “Either we go together, or not at all.” After I pushed back, he now “allows” me to meet them for 2 hours – but he comes to pick me up, and afterward he gives me the silent treatment or accuses me of “choosing friends over family.” I end up feeling guilty just for wanting to see other people.

Career:

I got a job offer with a higher salary, a hybrid schedule, and a friend who would support me there. He gave me a list of “risks” (probation period, losing a bonus) and tried to talk me out of it. I said I would go for the interview anyway. He replied: “I’m just worried.” But I know – he just doesn’t want me to be independent.

Household:

I do all the cooking, laundry, and cleaning. He complains about mess, but his socks are all over the flat. When I wanted to send a heavy parcel by taxi (my sister sent me the money for it), he insisted we carry it ourselves. When I agreed, he claimed I was “offended” and “see him as an enemy.”

Daily control:

I have to text him when I leave home, when I’m at the bus stop, when I arrive at work. If I forget, he writes: “Why didn’t you write?” Once I didn’t reply to his random “Nothing. Okay.” – and he accused me of being cold.

His reactions:

When he gets angry, he blames it on low blood sugar (he's diabetic). If I try to disagree, he says I'm “looking for a fight.” If I stay quiet, he says “You’re upset again.” I can never win – I’m always wrong.

My mental state:

I've stopped feeling like an adult. I'm scared to keep money, scared to be 5 minutes late, scared of his silence. I know I want a divorce. But he tells me I "don't appreciate his care" – and I start doubting myself. Maybe I really am selfish?

My question to you:

Am I overreacting? Should I try harder to fix this, or is it time to leave? How do I even begin the process without being manipulated again?

TL;DR: Husband controls all my money, my time, my friendships, and my daily routine. He says it's "care," but I feel trapped. I want to leave, but I'm scared and guilty. Need advice

I (26f) have been with my (26m) fiance for almost 4 years and engaged for almost 2. Our relationship started out normal but hit a wall when I received the dreaded “hey girly” text one night at 3am on Valentine’s Day in the first year. We talked, he agreed not to make me look dumb and we moved on.
Fast forward we’re pregnant and I have our daughter, 2 days later he sits me down and asks me for a hall pass because he apparently can’t wait 6 weeks and says it’s better then cheating so he decided he’d just ask. I was devastated.. what was supposed to be the happiest moment of our life’s quickly turned into the worst time of my life.. a week after that we’ve obviously been arguing a lot because of it he got into a bad dirtbike accident while racing.. he couldn’t work and needed multiple surgeries for his hand and his shoulder. So after 2 weeks of maternity leave from a csection I had to go back to work as he was off. I took care of him my newborn and my (4m) son from my previous relationship all by myself. Bills added up I used my savings and I was really hoping this would turn things around maybe make him realize how good he had it and appreciate how I took care of him and handled everything..
He was off for almost a year.. he proposed! Things were good for a little while.. then he rolled his truck during one of our Michigan ice storms and hit someone as he spun out. He told me he had insurance that it was only 2 days lapsed and it was fine. I believed him. Then at his sisters wedding his ex mentioned how he cheated on her with me in front of the whole bridal party. I didn’t know and they all agreed she was with him the night before him and I hung out for the first time. I was obviously devastated..
Fast forward about a month ago he received papers being sued for $30,000 for the damaged done to the guys truck and it was stated he did not have insurance for 3 whole months prior to the accident. Another lie. We argued. Then he received an open ended lawsuit for the guys medical bills because he got hurt and the care was ongoing.. I have no clue how much it’s going to be..
he’s decided to file for bankruptcy.
So after all these years of lies and ignoring my feelings, not even letting me go to the gym alone, the cheating, the me paying for all of the bills while he buys 500$ cameras and kayaks and toys.. I’ve decided I was done and it was the last straw.
I told him everything he’s done and that has happened because of his inability to think about the wellbeing of his family or our future or even me has made me lose my love for him and that I didn’t want to get married. That night the cops ended up getting involved because he wouldn’t let me leave (thanks mom for coming in clutch) I tried for years to save our relationship after the cheating and his accident that I just am fed up emotionally and physically.. I’m so stressed I’m having heart issues even.. sorry for the long post I guess I needed to vent but he’s been “trying” only since I broke it off and crying and begging but I literally don’t feel any emotion about the situation. I feel bad of course because I went through that same heartbreak while I was in the relationship.. but I could care less and idk if that makes me a bad person.. am I doing the right thing? I feel like I am but he gets inside my head.. I love my children and I wish I could have made it work with him but I don’t think subjecting myself to a loveless relationship is the right move.. any advice?

I'm 28M and my girlfriend is 29F. We've been together a little over three years.

We broke up once before, and after that we fought hard to get back together — convincing our families, dealing with everything that came with it. So this isn't something either of us walked into casually.

But I've reached a point where I can't ignore what I'm seeing. We are fighting about the exact same things we were fighting about in year one. Two years of the same arguments, the same cycle, the same conversations that go nowhere. We've tried to fix it. We keep saying we'll work on it. But honestly, it feels like we're not solving anything — we're just stretching it out.

And I don't think moving to the next stage would change it. If anything, I think it would lock the same problems in permanently.

The hardest part is that this isn't about love. I love her so much. That was never the issue. It's compatibility. I just don't see a version of us where we're both actually happy, and right now neither of us is.

Here's the part I'm most stuck on. I already know how this conversation is going to go, because it's gone this way before. She's emotional, she'll push back, she'll want to fix it — and somewhere in the middle of that, the topic just gets closed without anything actually being decided. We both walk away, calling it resolved. It wasn't resolved. It was postponed. That's happened enough times that I think it's the real reason we're still here after two years of the same fight.

So I'm not just asking how to say it. I'm asking how to hold my ground once I've said it. How do I keep from softening it into "let's take a break" or "let's talk about this later" the moment she starts crying? How do I stop myself from treating her being upset as proof that I'm wrong, when she'd be upset either way?

And for anyone who's been on either side of this - did ending it turn out to be the right call?

My ex and I had sex recently, and my period was late. We argued because I told him he was emotionally unavailable, and he cut my call when I said i need words of affirmation.. I would have given him another chance but he repeated the same mistake again and broken my trust.

He knew I was worried but only asked about symptoms instead of reassuring me, even after I told him I needed more emotional care.

Today I got my period. Should I tell him since we had sex and he knew I was worried?

So, this relationship has been long distance for over six years and we’ve navigated struggles pretty well, for the most part. I’ve had to deal with his jealousy issues and digital surveillance and I thought we had worked that through. He agreed to cancel his subscriptions to online services that do deep dives into your online activities, after numerous false accusations of cheating and sneaky behavior. He was proven wrong every time and admitted that his insecurities caused his obsessive behavior. I almost ended the relationship because of this but he seemed determined to change. Now, I realize I maybe should have paid better attention to my gut.

Fast forward to what is now making me finally want to proceed with a break up for good. Is this something that others would deem to be the last straw?
I’ve taken medication for depression for years… long before I met him. Before I was properly diagnosed, I struggled but was functioning, never to the point of needing inpatient treatment . I am retired and used to work in social services , am quite protective of my wellness, stay compliant with medication, etc. I touch base with my provider regularly for med refills and have been stable for many years.
It was not an easy decision to be vulnerable a year or so into this relationship, and share my history of depression with my partner, but I trusted him and I did.
It hasn’t come up much at all until during a recent and especially serious argument.

I was not forthcoming with an apology and he was angry. The details would be extraneous and are probably not relevant, but do have to do with my not being available by phone for 24 hours when he wanted me to be. ( but I texted several times) One of my adult children was having major surgery and it was serious.

He accused me of having “ episodes”, he said I should have told him years ago, that they have been hard for him to deal with . When I asked him to elaborate, he initially refused, saying that “ I should know.” This totally blindsided me as I had no idea what history he was referring to. I have thought back to any depressive lows I may have encountered but couldn’t think of any specific bad ones. Eventually , he said he would share his findings with me and he sent screen shots of charts of severe Bipolar Disorder symptoms. Apparently , he got back online to uncover digital proof to prove his point.

Well , not only did he got the Dx wrong , and he clearly lacks background and knowledge of depressive disorders ; but what hurts so much is that he is weaponizing knowledge of a mental health condition ,that I trusted him with, years ago, and now he’s using it to attack me personally. I showed him my vulnerability at the beginning of the relationship. And now, out of the blue, this is coming back to bite me.
This man is not very sophisticated when it comes to mental health issues and doesn’t possess a good sense of how pervasive depressive disorders , mood disorders and bipolar disorders are in the general public. I will not apologize for how I manage my health.

The other major point is that there should NOT BE ANY stigma for mental health disorders whether we’re talking depression, bipolar, borderline personality disorder,etc. This is 2026 and no one should ever be stigmatized or made to feel “ less than”. Taking medication to stabilize brain chemistry and improve functioning is no different than taking meds for seizure disorders, diabetes, etc. for some people.

I am feeling an incredible breach of trust that a person I loved,counted on and was vulnerable with would turn on me and shame me abruptly and with no warning. It’s as if all the love, good memories, sharing, mutual trust( when we used to have it) just never existed and I’m left staring at this emptiness at what used to be. No longer do I feel there is any potential to ever feel hopeful about moving forward in this relationship. Am I finally seeing this relationship for the dysfunctional one that it has become? I’m trying to brace myself for a painful and messy breakup. I’m sad, angry, indignant, disappointed and afraid for the heartache that awaits me. I’m trying to stay strong and not reverse course because of the potential that he may change.

This is a throwaway account, and I’ve never really made a post like this before, so I’m not sure if I’m approaching this the right way.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years. He is 25 and is currently in a professional postgraduate program. He’s very intelligent and dedicated to his education, but I’ve been struggling with how dependent he still is on his parents in every other area of his life.

He lives with his parents, which by itself isn’t something I have a problem with. What concerns me is that his parents still have a significant amount of control over what he does. He has a car but doesn’t drive himself places because his mother doesn’t want him driving places without her. He also doesn’t really go places independently, such as going to the theater or going out with friends. When I went to go see him over the summer I had to teach him how to cook and do his laundry because he doesn’t even know how to do that on his own, which I was very surprised.

We’re also long distance. I’ve traveled to see him numerous times, but when I’m there, we’re often unable to do things independently. For example, we’ve had to have his parents drive us places and pick us up, and even when we’ve gone to the mall, his parents have been there too. I find this difficult because we’re adults and I’d like our relationship to have some independence from his parents.

I’ve talked to him about this. I’ve told him that I don’t expect him to completely change his relationship with his parents or suddenly move out. I’ve suggested smaller steps, like driving himself somewhere occasionally or setting some boundaries around going out independently. He doesn’t really see a reason to do those things right now because, from his perspective, it’s easier and more practical for his parents to drive him places. And having no initiative to move forward in a more positive direction even if it’s just for me really upsets me.

The difference between us is becoming increasingly noticeable. I’ve moved out, have my own car, pay my own bills, buy my own groceries, work while attending college, and generally handle my responsibilities independently. I don’t expect him to have exactly the same lifestyle as me, but independence is very important to me.

Another issue is that he often tells me he doesn’t have much time for our relationship because of school and his responsibilities. I understand that his program is demanding, but sometimes it’s difficult for me to reconcile that with the fact that he still relies heavily on his parents for many things. It makes me question whether we’re simply at different stages of adulthood.

I’m also worried about the future. I don’t want to eventually be in my 30s living with his parents or having his parents involved in decisions that I feel should belong to us as a couple. He says that he’ll become more independent when it becomes more practical, but I feel like we’ve reached a point where I need to see some initiative rather than just a promise that things will change someday.

I don’t want to leave him simply because he currently lives with his parents. I love him and recognize that he’s working hard toward his career. But I also don’t want to ignore a fundamental difference in what we expect adulthood and independence to look like.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting him to start becoming more independent now, or is this something where I should accept that he’s on a different timeline and decide whether we’re compatible?

TLDR: My boyfriend is 25, lives with his parents, and is very dependent on them despite being in a demanding professional program. I value independence and worry that we’ll eventually want very different lifestyles. Is this something worth waiting for, or could it be a compatibility issue?

Ok edit here, I will be dumping him, I have no clue how to or what to say but I will within the next few days. I understand I’m pathetic and a doormat but I really thought things were going well in the beginning and I have never been in in a relationship, where I wasn’t a teenager independent on my parents. This has been my first adult relationship, so I really didn’t know if like this is something he would’ve grew out of but obviously it isn’t. Please start flaming me. I get it.

This girl I’ve been seeing for months end now has easily made her way into my life as someone I see myself loving. But last night when we were having intercourse over the period of a few hours I went to the bathroom to pee real quick. Let me note we were both pretty drunk but her more so than me. I came out from the bathroom and noticed she was texting someone. I had seen the messages while I was approaching the bed and she messaged someone saying “I wanna see your pretty face one more time before me and this guy make it official” my first reaction was a heart break but then I confronted her about it and she deleted the messages when I went to go get a towel and proceeded to tell me it never happened. At this point I realized she was a lot more intoxicated than i had realized. Is it my place to be bad about this even if we aren’t “official”? We were supposed to go on a nice date this next week and make it official with each other.

We’re both adults and we’ve hooked up like twice and I just want to see his bicep cause 🤤 idk I’m bored ig. Like would I be weird to randomly text him and be like “remember when we hung out and you had that really cool tattoo on your bicep can I get a photo of your bicep pls 😊” idek why I just wanna see his bicep flexed.

My girlfriend and I have been together for about 5 months. She’s currently traveling alone in Brazil and staying at a hostel. She recently met a guy there and told me he’s gay (“jochis”), which honestly made me feel a little more comfortable about the situation.

Now she told me that she’s going to go somewhere in Rio with him and “other chicos” (other guys). I asked what place they were going to and who was going, and she basically said that guy and some other guys (I’m hoping gals as well) from the hostel.

I trust her, and I don’t want to be controlling or ruin her trip. At the same time, I’m being honest with myself that I’m not completely comfortable with my girlfriend going out with a group of guys she just met while she’s traveling alone.

I’m trying to figure out whether this is just normal jealousy/insecurity that I should work through, or whether it’s reasonable for me to feel uncomfortable about the situation.

Would you guys ask any more questions, or just trust your girlfriend and let her enjoy her trip? She tries to call and text me when she can, she also shared her location.

Edit: I think I should add that she had this trip planned before I came to her life. One of her bucket list things to do was to kiss a Brazilian, but she of course said she won’t do that anymore since I’m with her.

My boyfriend (m27) is very nice to me (f24). Usually. When he drinks, however, he gets very… mean? Insecure? I’m not sure how to put it. But he always makes me cry every time because he says something that hurts my feelings.

He says that I date him because I feel bad for him, that imma leave him, that he’s a good boyfriend because he apologizes for arguments that he starts. Like he’s more-so trying to tell himself that he’s a good bf rather than me. I just happen to be there and it’s easy to put that insecurity on me. I used to be like “*no baby that’s not true*” but now I just say “*I’m ignoring you*” and scroll on my phone. And that response (any response I think) makes him be like “*see, I was right*”

It’s so weird because he’s never like that. He very loving and attentive. Yes, he has been honest about being insecure but it’s something he’s working on. That’s fine, we all have something. But it just gets so ugly when he drinks.

Around his friends, he’s so fun and loud. But with me, I feel like a villain for dating him! Idk if this is normal cuz I know being under the influence changes people. But I’m going to tell him that I’m not drinking with him anymore if he invites me regardless.

I'm dating a guy that has a problem with the type of videos i post , i post make up looks and personal views , he says that it's ok to say these things or do it but i dont want you to post it because i get jealous , jealousy isn't really an emotion i can control and will only make feel anxious about things i love doing bc i would never stop , the thing is i tried to stop this relationship and block eachother (multiple times) but everytime one of us unblocks and get back again because we love eachother , but loving someone doesn't mean i will let them control how i act or do things , the thing is everytime i post or talk about posting he gets real cold and weird , so i stopped telling him and i just post without telling him , but i want the person i love to support everything i do , so i dont know if i have to leave him and look for a way to just drop him for good or forever or just let him be angry all the time , i tried telling him that him being cold or angry isn't gonna stop me and it really bothers me and he still doesn't care , and it's gonna be so hard to leave rn bc we just got back together,idk.

My boyfriend and I were talking, and he brought up a hypothetical scenario. He asked if we ever broke up and both moved on with other people years later, if I would hook up with him/cheat on my future partner for him.
I told him plain and simple: No, I wouldn't do that. I said if I’m in a relationship with someone I love, I’m not going to cheat on them.
He immediately got upset and claimed that my answer means I don't love him enough, because if I truly loved him, he would always be the exception.
I tried to explain that it’s not about him—it’s about my personal integrity. I’m just not a cheater. He then brought up the movie The Notebook, saying that Allie cheats on her fiancé to be with Noah, so why couldn't I do that for him?
I responded by telling him that real life isn't a movie. I told him that if a situation ever arose where we met years later and I realized I was still in love with him, I would leave my fiancé/partner first and then be with him, rather than cheat behind someone's back.
He is still mad at me. He’s insisting that my refusal to promise to cheat for him proves I don't love him as much as he loves me.
I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. I offered him complete loyalty—saying I’d literally end a relationship to be with him if he was the love of my life—but he is fixated on the fact that I won't promise to commit infidelity.
Am I crazy here? How do I even explain to him how wild this logic is, or is this a massive red flag I shouldn't ignore?

My girlfriend wants me to contact my ex for proof that our relationship wasn’t meaningful or she’ll leave me
I’m 26M and the girl I’m seeing is 26F. We’ve been seeing each other for around 3 months this time, although we originally dated briefly before this.
Before her, I was in a long-distance relationship with someone who I only physically saw for about two weeks in total. We talked for around six months. She was my first love and I was genuinely hurt when it ended.
The problem is that when I met my current girlfriend, I wasn’t completely over my ex. I kept the relationship hidden and was vague about it because I wasn’t sure whether things with my current girlfriend would work out. We argued a lot and broke things off and got back together, so I kept putting off being completely honest about my past.
We eventually ended things after about two months.
Over the following six months, one of us would occasionally message the other, but nothing really came of it. Then at the beginning of June this year, I reached out to my current girlfriend again. Things were going really well until she saw my passport and noticed I had been somewhere at a certain point in time. She started asking questions and I finally told her everything.
She was understandably extremely upset. She feels that I was grieving my ex while I was with her and that she has always been in my ex’s shadow. She thinks I’m settling for her or that I don’t love her as much as I loved my ex.
I’ve apologised for lying and for hiding things. I understand why she has difficulty trusting me because I wasn’t honest with her. I’ve also repeatedly told her that what I feel for her isn’t about comparing her to my ex. I love her and I don’t want my ex back.
Looking back now, I don’t even think my previous relationship was as significant as it felt at the time. It was my first love and I was hurt when it ended, but we only physically spent two weeks together and the whole thing lasted around six months. I don’t think that relationship has any significance to me now.
There’s another thing that makes this worse. Before I started seeing my current girlfriend, I her long messages about how much the previous relationship had hurt me and how I wanted to be careful with my because I didn’t want either of us to get hurt. Looking back, I realise how bad that looks, even though I wasn’t trying to compare them.
My girlfriend now wants me to message my ex and ask her how significant our relationship actually was, then screenshot the conversation and show it to her as proof.
I really don’t want to do that. I think it’s strange to bring my ex into my current relationship, especially when she means nothing to me now. I also don’t think I should ask my ex to validate whether our relationship was meaningful just to reassure my girlfriend.
At the same time, I don’t want to lose my girlfriend. I know I caused this situation by hiding things and I accept responsibility for that. I want to rebuild her trust and show her that she’s the person I want to be with.
But I don’t know where the line is between reassuring her and being expected to constantly prove something about my past.
Am I being unreasonable by refusing to contact my ex? And what would you do in my position?

my boyfriend went on a trip to las vegas with
his homeboys family and came back a whole different person.

my bf was always been very quiet, never asked much and never really said much or seemed very extroverted but after his trip to vegas he was talking me like a whole different person… the two days he stayed over there he would lag on me a lot and i get it, it’s your little vacay do your thangg baby. but on his last day of staying there which was saturday night going to sunday he had disappeared all night and didn’t text me until 12:30 pm the next day (we’re in cali same time zones) so i was like okay whatever right. the whole day passes he gets home wtv right and he starts texting me about his mi h fun he had which normal vacations are always super fun!! but he starts texting me how he got drunk and went to the strip and he was dancing and enjoying himself and that he got home late which honestly didn’t add up because he disappeared the whole night saturday night, i only noticed cause i had a concert that same day n got home really really late. the next morning i text him around 10 goodmorning wtv he still didn’t text me u til 12:30ish sunday afternoon and he tells me how he was in the pool with him his homie and his homeboys mom and how she was teaching him how to swim and holding him so he floats and i thought it was kind of weird but i brushed it off cause who am i to judge. well i thiuvht it was cool and i didnt really ask on why he disappeared but i had a weird gut feeling about it do i brushed it off until he just kept telling me over and over again about his two days which i was okayy while trying to be super supportive but it felt so weird cause he doesnt talk like that hes very nonchalant very dry and doesnt dance or anything of that sort.. plus the next day we hung out he did the same but he also seemed distant but afterwards i just wanted to relax just in case he was tired so i decided to turn my phone to watch tiktok while laying with him and he got like mad or annoyed and acted like he was falling asleep so i apologized but every since that day he’s been super like quiet and distant lagging on me especially at night kinda brushing me off when telling him my plans like it’s just so weird N now most of the time he’s just responding to me with filler words like oh when i tell him about my day and it’s all day too. idk if im crazy but it’s making me sad

My girlfriend 28F and I 29M have been together for three years. Things are generally good. We live together and are planning on getting engaged next year. The one recurring issue we have is her attitude towards my hobbies.

I'm really into tabletop role-playing games like D&D. I also paint miniatures for the games. It's a creative outlet for me and a great way to unwind after work. I spend a few hours a week playing with friends and maybe an hour or two painting. I've built up a decent collection of miniatures and supplies over the years. It's not a cheap hobby but it's not breaking the bank either. I budget for it and it comes out of my disposable income.

She constantly makes comments about it. She'll ask why I'm wasting money on 'plastic toys' or 'silly games'. She says it's childish and that I should be focusing on more 'adult' things. Last night I was painting a new miniature and she walked in and asked if I ever thought about how much money I've poured into 'that nonsense'. She then went on to say that money could be going towards our future like a bigger house or a better car.

I tried to explain that it's important for me to have hobbies and that it brings me joy. I also pointed out that she spends a fair amount on clothes and beauty products which I never comment on. She just said that's different because those are 'necessary' expenses for a woman.

I feel really deflated after these conversations. It makes me feel like I have to hide a part of myself from her. I don't want to give up my hobbies but I also don't want this constant tension. Am I being unreasonable to expect her to be more supportive of something that makes me happy and isn't harming anyone?

I have a boyfriend, and he really treats me well. He always tells me I’m the prettiest girl ever. But today, I checked his watch history and liked videos on TikTok, and I noticed that he has liked several videos of girls showing their bodies, doing makeup, cosplays, etc. He’s also viewed some girls’ accounts from their videos on his FYP and watched their other videos too.
It made me feel really weird. Does this mean he was interested in them?
I didn’t like seeing that, and honestly, I don’t even want to claim him as my man because it’s just so embarrassing as a girlfriend. I don’t want a man who can’t even control himself from liking random girls’ videos.
Can you tell me if I’m being toxic or if this is his fault? I’m in love with him, and every other guy is unattractive to me, but after seeing this, I don’t think it’s the same for him. Do guys still find other women attractive or feel interested in other women even when they’re in love with their girlfriend?
Should I break up with him?

Hi there, kinda nervous to post.

My boyfriend 21M and myself 20F have been dating a year. A couple days ago we were at the gym and I was worried because he was about to lift a lot and I was nervous he’d hurt himself. I made a scared face in the mirror which he saw and put down the weight. He asked what I was making the face for and I said “never mind keep going”. He kept asking why I made the face so I jokingly said “are you scared to lift the weight” kind of mocking him but in a banter way like we usually act towards each other. He then said something along the lines of “I’m not scared buddy” and we go into what I thought was funny banter, being playful with one another. I then grab his shirt in a flirty way and something in him snapped and the instantly put his hand around my throat tightly for a split second and said “dont fucking touch me”. He then didn’t speak to me for a while until he wanted to go home. Tonight we spoke about it and he said he doesn’t remember and that he thinks he has anger problems. I’m conflicted because I don’t know if I brought it on myself by mistaking flirty banter with actual anger.
Please let me know🙏

I posted here recently about a trip situation with my boyfriend and got some really helpful perspectives, so I’m back with a slightly different question.

My boyfriend (28M) and I (26F) have been together for a year and are talking about taking a long weekend trip to Charleston this fall. This would be an actual vacation we’re planning together, not tied to either of our work travel.

For context, he makes significantly more than I do (roughly 4x my income), although I have a good job and am financially independent. We’ll definitely each buy our own flights, but I’m wondering what’s reasonable when it comes to the hotel and expenses once we’re there.

Is 50/50 on the hotel generally what you would expect? Or with a pretty substantial income difference, would you expect the higher earner to cover more of the hotel while the other person contributes in other ways (buying their flight, picking up a meal, drinks, an activity, etc.)?

I’m absolutely not expecting a free vacation, and I want to contribute. I think what I’m struggling with is whether “fair” in a serious relationship necessarily means splitting everything equally when the same expense represents a very different percentage of each person's income.

For those of you in relationships with a significant income difference, how do you handle trips? And if you were in my situation, what would feel fair to you?