u/Upstairs_Dentist_454

I’m trying to understand a situation with someone who I think may have avoidant tendencies, and I’d really appreciate perspectives from people who relate to that attachment style.

My best friend became friends with another friend of mine through me — let’s call him X. Over time, X and I started dating, but I never told her. I know that sounds bad, and I fully accept I handled it poorly. I hid it because I was unsure about the relationship myself and scared of being judged.

To make things worse, I would sometimes jokingly say things like “why don’t you two date?” whenever we were all together. I also casually joined in when X complimented her appearance. At the time it felt unserious to me, but looking back, I completely understand how confusing and hurtful that could have felt once she found out we were dating.

She found out on March 31, 2026, and things became emotionally intense. She questioned our six-year friendship and brought up my ex, saying he was still suffering while I was dating someone else. That hurt me deeply because it felt like the exact judgment I was afraid of when I chose to hide the relationship in the first place.

After that, she asked for time and space, and I respected it. We both later came back from our hometowns, and now things feel… awkward. She still talks to me and we still coexist, but the emotional intensity, warmth, and closeness aren’t there anymore. It feels distant and careful now.

She has also made mistakes which I forgave her for.

For people who are avoidant or understand avoidant attachment styles:
Is this kind of emotional distancing common after hurt/conflict?
Does giving space actually help rebuild safety?
How do I avoid making things worse while still showing I care?
Is it better to let things rebuild naturally instead of trying to force emotional closeness back immediately?

I genuinely miss my friend and I’m trying to approach this with accountability and patience instead of pressure.

I’m trying to understand a situation with someone who I think may have avoidant tendencies, and I’d really appreciate perspectives from people who relate to that attachment style.

My best friend became friends with another friend of mine through me — let’s call him X. Over time, X and I started dating, but I never told her. I know that sounds bad, and I fully accept I handled it poorly. I hid it because I was unsure about the relationship myself and scared of being judged.

To make things worse, I would sometimes jokingly say things like “why don’t you two date?” whenever we were all together. I also casually joined in when X complimented her appearance. At the time it felt unserious to me, but looking back, I completely understand how confusing and hurtful that could have felt once she found out we were dating.

She found out on March 31, 2026, and things became emotionally intense. She questioned our six-year friendship and brought up my ex, saying he was still suffering while I was dating someone else. That hurt me deeply because it felt like the exact judgment I was afraid of when I chose to hide the relationship in the first place.

After that, she asked for time and space, and I respected it. We both later came back from our hometowns, and now things feel… awkward. She still talks to me and we still coexist, but the emotional intensity, warmth, and closeness aren’t there anymore. It feels distant and careful now.

She has also made mistakes which I forgave her for.

For people who are avoidant or understand avoidant attachment styles:
Is this kind of emotional distancing common after hurt/conflict?
Does giving space actually help rebuild safety?
How do I avoid making things worse while still showing I care?
Is it better to let things rebuild naturally instead of trying to force emotional closeness back immediately?

I genuinely miss my friend and I’m trying to approach this with accountability and patience instead of pressure.

I’m trying to understand a situation with someone who I think may have avoidant tendencies, and I’d really appreciate perspectives from people who relate to that attachment style.

My best friend became friends with another friend of mine through me — let’s call him X. Over time, X and I started dating, but I never told her. I know that sounds bad, and I fully accept I handled it poorly. I hid it because I was unsure about the relationship myself and scared of being judged.

To make things worse, I would sometimes jokingly say things like “why don’t you two date?” whenever we were all together. I also casually joined in when X complimented her appearance. At the time it felt unserious to me, but looking back, I completely understand how confusing and hurtful that could have felt once she found out we were dating.

She found out on March 31, 2026, and things became emotionally intense. She questioned our six-year friendship and brought up my ex, saying he was still suffering while I was dating someone else. That hurt me deeply because it felt like the exact judgment I was afraid of when I chose to hide the relationship in the first place.

After that, she asked for time and space, and I respected it. We both later came back from our hometowns, and now things feel… awkward. She still talks to me and we still coexist, but the emotional intensity, warmth, and closeness aren’t there anymore. It feels distant and careful now.

For people who are avoidant or understand avoidant attachment styles:
- Is this kind of emotional distancing common after hurt/conflict?
- Does giving space actually help rebuild safety?
- How do I avoid making things worse while still showing I care?
- Is it better to let things rebuild naturally instead of trying to force emotional closeness back immediately?

I genuinely miss my friend and I’m trying to approach this with accountability and patience instead of pressure.

I’m currently living with my best friend. Through me, she also became friends with another friend of mine. Let’s call him X for now. Over time, X and I started dating, but I never told my best friend about it.

Whenever he used to call, she would sometimes be on the call too, and jokingly I would even say things like, “Why don’t you two date?”. I would also sometimes comment along with him whenever X said things like “her hands look nice,” “her legs look good,” or complimented her appearance in general. At the time, I treated it casually and jokingly, but looking back now, I understand how that may have made the situation even more confusing or uncomfortable from her perspective, but she seemed enjoying it. Enjoying in the sense that she took it jokingly. I think I acted that way because I didn’t want to make it obvious that we were dating, and honestly, I was still unsure about him myself. I fully accept that I should not have handled it like that.

She found out about us on March 31, 2026. Out of anger and hurt, she said that my ex is still suffering while I’m here dating other men. She also questioned our six years of friendship when I told her that I had never hidden anything from her except this. When I asked how she could suddenly doubt and question our friendship so deeply, she replied asking how she was supposed to know or trust me after this.

The reason I never told her initially was because I was uncertain about the relationship, afraid of being judged, and scared of what people would think. Ironically, when she found out, I felt exactly that judgment — especially when my ex was brought into the conversation. That part hurt me deeply because she knew that my whole family use to say the same thing that i made others suffers because of me. Me and X are no longer dating because he turned out to be an emotionally unavailable creature.

I genuinely care about her and our friendship, and this situation has been emotionally heavy for both of us. If possible, could you send healing energy to both of us, or help me understand how to move through this situation and emotionally recover from it?

Thank you for listening.

I’m currently living with my best friend. Through me, she also became friends with another friend of mine. Let’s call him X for now. Over time, X and I started dating, but I never told my best friend about it.

Whenever he used to call, she would sometimes be on the call too, and jokingly I would even say things like, “Why don’t you two date?”. I would also sometimes comment along with him whenever X said things like “her hands look nice,” “her legs look good,” or complimented her appearance in general. At the time, I treated it casually and jokingly, but looking back now, I understand how that may have made the situation even more confusing or uncomfortable from her perspective, but she seemed enjoying it. Enjoying in the sense that she took it jokingly. I think I acted that way because I didn’t want to make it obvious that we were dating, and honestly, I was still unsure about him myself. I fully accept that I should not have handled it like that.

She found out about us on March 31, 2026. Out of anger and hurt, she said that my ex is still suffering while I’m here dating other men. She also questioned our six years of friendship when I told her that I had never hidden anything from her except this. When I asked how she could suddenly doubt and question our friendship so deeply, she replied asking how she was supposed to know or trust me after this.

The reason I never told her initially was because I was uncertain about the relationship, afraid of being judged, and scared of what people would think. Ironically, when she found out, I felt exactly that judgment — especially when my ex was brought into the conversation. That part hurt me deeply because she knew that my whole family use to say the same thing that i made others suffers because of me. Me and X are no longer dating because he turned out to be an emotionally unavailable creature.

I genuinely care about her and our friendship, and this situation has been emotionally heavy for both of us. If possible, could you send healing energy to both of us, or help me understand how to move through this situation and emotionally recover from it?

Thank you for listening.

I’m currently living with my best friend. Through me, she also became friends with another friend of mine. Let’s call him X for now. Over time, X and I started dating, but I never told my best friend about it.

Whenever he used to call, she would sometimes be on the call too, and jokingly I would even say things like, “Why don’t you two date?”. I would also sometimes comment along with him whenever X said things like “her hands look nice,” “her legs look good,” or complimented her appearance in general. At the time, I treated it casually and jokingly, but looking back now, I understand how that may have made the situation even more confusing or uncomfortable from her perspective, but she seemed enjoying it. Enjoying in the sense that she took it jokingly. I think I acted that way because I didn’t want to make it obvious that we were dating, and honestly, I was still unsure about him myself. I fully accept that I should not have handled it like that.

She found out about us on March 31, 2026. Out of anger and hurt, she said that my ex is still suffering while I’m here dating other men. She also questioned our six years of friendship when I told her that I had never hidden anything from her except this. When I asked how she could suddenly doubt and question our friendship so deeply, she replied asking how she was supposed to know or trust me after this.

The reason I never told her initially was because I was uncertain about the relationship, afraid of being judged, and scared of what people would think. Ironically, when she found out, I felt exactly that judgment — especially when my ex was brought into the conversation. That part hurt me deeply because she knew that my whole family use to say the same thing that i made others suffers because of me. Me and X are no longer dating because he turned out to be an emotionally unavailable creature.

I genuinely care about her and our friendship, and this situation has been emotionally heavy for both of us. If possible, could you send healing energy to both of us, or help me understand how to move through this situation and emotionally recover from it?

Thank you for listening.

I’m currently living with my best friend. Through me, she also became friends with another friend of mine. Let’s call him X for now. Over time, X and I started dating, but I never told my best friend about it.

Whenever he used to call, she would sometimes be on the call too, and jokingly I would even say things like, “Why don’t you two date?”. I would also sometimes comment along with him whenever X said things like “her hands look nice,” “her legs look good,” or complimented her appearance in general. At the time, I treated it casually and jokingly, but looking back now, I understand how that may have made the situation even more confusing or uncomfortable from her perspective, but she seemed enjoying it. Enjoying in the sense that she took it jokingly. I think I acted that way because I didn’t want to make it obvious that we were dating, and honestly, I was still unsure about him myself. I fully accept that I should not have handled it like that.

She found out about us on March 31, 2026. Out of anger and hurt, she said that my ex is still suffering while I’m here dating other men. She also questioned our six years of friendship when I told her that I had never hidden anything from her except this. When I asked how she could suddenly doubt and question our friendship so deeply, she replied asking how she was supposed to know or trust me after this.

The reason I never told her initially was because I was uncertain about the relationship, afraid of being judged, and scared of what people would think. Ironically, when she found out, I felt exactly that judgment — especially when my ex was brought into the conversation. That part hurt me deeply because she knew that my whole family use to say the same thing that i made others suffers because of me. Me and X are no longer dating because he turned out to be an emotionally unavailable creature.

I genuinely care about her and our friendship, and this situation has been emotionally heavy for both of us. If possible, could you send healing energy to both of us, or help me understand how to move through this situation and emotionally recover from it?

Thank you for listening.

I’m currently living with my best friend. Through me, she also became friends with another friend of mine. Let’s call him X for now. Over time, X and I started dating, but I never told my best friend about it.

Whenever he used to call, she would sometimes be on the call too, and jokingly I would even say things like, “Why don’t you two date?”. I would also sometimes comment along with him whenever X said things like “her hands look nice,” “her legs look good,” or complimented her appearance in general. At the time, I treated it casually and jokingly, but looking back now, I understand how that may have made the situation even more confusing or uncomfortable from her perspective, but she seemed enjoying it. Enjoying in the sense that she took it jokingly. I think I acted that way because I didn’t want to make it obvious that we were dating, and honestly, I was still unsure about him myself. I fully accept that I should not have handled it like that.

She found out about us on March 31, 2026. Out of anger and hurt, she said that my ex is still suffering while I’m here dating other men. She also questioned our six years of friendship when I told her that I had never hidden anything from her except this. When I asked how she could suddenly doubt and question our friendship so deeply, she replied asking how she was supposed to know or trust me after this.

The reason I never told her initially was because I was uncertain about the relationship, afraid of being judged, and scared of what people would think. Ironically, when she found out, I felt exactly that judgment — especially when my ex was brought into the conversation. That part hurt me deeply because she knew that my whole family use to say the same thing that i made others suffers because of me. Me and X are no longer dating because he turned out to be an emotionally unavailable creature.

I genuinely care about her and our friendship, and this situation has been emotionally heavy for both of us. If possible, could you send healing energy to both of us, or help me understand how to move through this situation and emotionally recover from it?

Thank you for listening.

I’m currently living with my best friend. Through me, she also became friends with another friend of mine. Let’s call him X for now. Over time, X and I started dating, but I never told my best friend about it.

Whenever he used to call, she would sometimes be on the call too, and jokingly I would even say things like, “Why don’t you two date?”. I would also sometimes comment along with him whenever X said things like “her hands look nice,” “her legs look good,” or complimented her appearance in general. At the time, I treated it casually and jokingly, but looking back now, I understand how that may have made the situation even more confusing or uncomfortable from her perspective, but she seemed enjoying it. Enjoying in the sense that she took it jokingly. I think I acted that way because I didn’t want to make it obvious that we were dating, and honestly, I was still unsure about him myself. I fully accept that I should not have handled it like that.

She found out about us on March 31, 2026. Out of anger and hurt, she said that my ex is still suffering while I’m here dating other men. She also questioned our six years of friendship when I told her that I had never hidden anything from her except this. When I asked how she could suddenly doubt and question our friendship so deeply, she replied asking how she was supposed to know or trust me after this.

The reason I never told her initially was because I was uncertain about the relationship, afraid of being judged, and scared of what people would think. Ironically, when she found out, I felt exactly that judgment — especially when my ex was brought into the conversation. That part hurt me deeply because she knew that my whole family use to say the same thing that i made others suffers because of me. Me and X are no longer dating because he turned out to be an emotionally unavailable creature.

I genuinely care about her and our friendship, and this situation has been emotionally heavy for both of us. If possible, could you send healing energy to both of us, or help me understand how to move through this situation and emotionally recover from it?

Thank you for listening.

I’m currently living with my best friend. Through me, she also became friends with another friend of mine. Let’s call him X for now. Over time, X and I started dating, but I never told my best friend about it.

Whenever he used to call, she would sometimes be on the call too, and jokingly I would even say things like, “Why don’t you two date?”. I would also sometimes comment along with him whenever X said things like “her hands look nice,” “her legs look good,” or complimented her appearance in general. At the time, I treated it casually and jokingly, but looking back now, I understand how that may have made the situation even more confusing or uncomfortable from her perspective, but she seemed enjoying it. Enjoying in the sense that she took it jokingly. I think I acted that way because I didn’t want to make it obvious that we were dating, and honestly, I was still unsure about him myself. I fully accept that I should not have handled it like that.

She found out about us on March 31, 2026. Out of anger and hurt, she said that my ex is still suffering while I’m here dating other men. She also questioned our six years of friendship when I told her that I had never hidden anything from her except this. When I asked how she could suddenly doubt and question our friendship so deeply, she replied asking how she was supposed to know or trust me after this.

The reason I never told her initially was because I was uncertain about the relationship, afraid of being judged, and scared of what people would think. Ironically, when she found out, I felt exactly that judgment — especially when my ex was brought into the conversation. That part hurt me deeply because she knew that my whole family use to say the same thing that i made others suffers because of me. Me and X are no longer dating because he turned out to be an emotionally unavailable creature.

I genuinely care about her and our friendship, and this situation has been emotionally heavy for both of us. If possible, could you send healing energy to both of us, or help me understand how to move through this situation and emotionally recover from it?

Thank you for listening.

I’m currently living with my best friend. Through me, she also became friends with another friend of mine. Let’s call him X for now. Over time, X and I started dating, but I never told my best friend about it.

Whenever he used to call, she would sometimes be on the call too, and jokingly I would even say things like, “Why don’t you two date?”. I would also sometimes comment along with him whenever X said things like “her hands look nice,” “her legs look good,” or complimented her appearance in general. At the time, I treated it casually and jokingly, but looking back now, I understand how that may have made the situation even more confusing or uncomfortable from her perspective, but she seemed enjoying it. Enjoying in the sense that she took it jokingly. I think I acted that way because I didn’t want to make it obvious that we were dating, and honestly, I was still unsure about him myself. I fully accept that I should not have handled it like that.

She found out about us on March 31, 2026. Out of anger and hurt, she said that my ex is still suffering while I’m here dating other men. She also questioned our six years of friendship when I told her that I had never hidden anything from her except this. When I asked how she could suddenly doubt and question our friendship so deeply, she replied asking how she was supposed to know or trust me after this.

The reason I never told her initially was because I was uncertain about the relationship, afraid of being judged, and scared of what people would think. Ironically, when she found out, I felt exactly that judgment — especially when my ex was brought into the conversation. That part hurt me deeply because she knew that my whole family use to say the same thing that i made others suffers because of me. Me and X are no longer dating because he turned out to be an emotionally unavailable creature.

I genuinely care about her and our friendship, and this situation has been emotionally heavy for both of us. If possible, could you send healing energy to both of us, or help me understand how to move through this situation and emotionally recover from it?

Thank you for listening.

I’m currently living with my best friend. Through me, she also became friends with another friend of mine. Let’s call him X for now. Over time, X and I started dating, but I never told my best friend about it.

Whenever he used to call, she would sometimes be on the call too, and jokingly I would even say things like, “Why don’t you two date?”. I would also sometimes comment along with him whenever X said things like “her hands look nice,” “her legs look good,” or complimented her appearance in general. At the time, I treated it casually and jokingly, but looking back now, I understand how that may have made the situation even more confusing or uncomfortable from her perspective, but she seemed enjoying it. Enjoying in the sense that she took it jokingly. I think I acted that way because I didn’t want to make it obvious that we were dating, and honestly, I was still unsure about him myself. I fully accept that I should not have handled it like that.

She found out about us on March 31, 2026. Out of anger and hurt, she said that my ex is still suffering while I’m here dating other men. She also questioned our six years of friendship when I told her that I had never hidden anything from her except this. When I asked how she could suddenly doubt and question our friendship so deeply, she replied asking how she was supposed to know or trust me after this.

The reason I never told her initially was because I was uncertain about the relationship, afraid of being judged, and scared of what people would think. Ironically, when she found out, I felt exactly that judgment — especially when my ex was brought into the conversation. That part hurt me deeply. Me and X are no longer dating because he turned out to be an emotionally unavailable creature.

I genuinely care about her and our friendship, and this situation has been emotionally heavy for both of us. If possible, could you send healing energy to both of us, or help me understand how to move through this situation and emotionally recover from it?

Thank you for listening.