r/FriendshipAdvice

My best friend of 4 years and I had our first real argument over text after she recently moved to Korea.

A couple years ago, we both went through a painful friend group situation where we were excluded. I brought it up recently because feelings were coming back up, and we usually can beat a dead horse together. Instead, she told me I needed to stop dwelling and that bringing it up wasn’t serving me.

I told her it was fine if she didn’t want to talk about it, but not to invalidate me. She got defensive and said I was projecting and making her feel guilty for trying to be a good friend.

I tried to deescalate, told her that I just loved her and missed her and didn't want to fight, and she eventually admitted she was being defensive and wasn’t fully over the situation either. I thought we ended okay, though I was still hurt.

A few hours later, she said she was still upset and needed space. I said that seemed for the best. Then she blocked me on all platforms.

It’s been four days since being blocked and I’m really, really hurt. It feels punitive, especially because I wasn’t harassing her or refusing to give space. I know she’ll probably come back once she’s regulated, but now I feel vulnerable, like she can cut communication and then walk back in whenever she wants. She usually only does this to romantic partners.

I’m considering blocking her via text only so I’m not surprised/dysregulated by a message, while leaving another way open if she really wants to reach me. Should I? I'm also struggling to understand if I even want a friendship with someone that would block their BEST friend over one argument. Any advice is appreciated.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and I honestly just need to understand it.

Why do some people call themselves your friend, but still stay friendly with the people who made your life difficult or betrayed you?

Like I had a friend who would literally walk beside me, then slow down just to stay behind and talk to my ex like everything was normal. The same ex who caused me pain.

And it wasn’t just that once. She also kept talking to people who had betrayed me and played a role in messing up my life. People she knew I wasn’t okay with.

What confuses me is… how do you act close to me, sit with me, laugh with me, but also comfortably engage with people who hurt me?
It makes me question whether they ever really saw me as someone they needed to protect or consider at all.

I’m not saying everyone has to “pick sides” in every situation, but surely there’s a level of respect and awareness that should exist when you know someone has been deeply hurt by another person?

It just made me realize something painful but also freeing:
maybe not everyone who is close to you actually carries loyalty in the same way you do.

Has anyone else experienced this? How do you even interpret it without feeling disrespected or stupid for caring?

Recently, I travelled abroad with a close friend. My sister lives in that country so I asked her to host me and my friend for 3 days. We saved a lot of money this way(no hotels etc).it was comfortable because my sister was leaving those days and the house was empty. But something that Im thinking is that my friend didn’t gave a present to me or my sister or offered to pay even for a coffee. Is that a valid worry?

So i have this friend of 12 years (iam 19 F) and i think she just doesnt like me anymore since like last 2 years. Its not like she ever says something about not liking me, she agrees to make plans and all. Right now we are on a vacation near sea for 14 days. I made the plan, she agreed, and right now its just the two of us in a hostel. And honestly, i dont think ive ever felt more depressed, frustrated, annoyed and like iam thr worst person on the planet. She makes me feel like almost everything i say or do is somehow annoying, emberassing, or just too much. I feel like piece of sh*t. We spend the whole dax at the beach today and most of the time we were just quiet, argued about silly things, or tried to figure out where to go and what to do. It wasnt relaxing at all. She always complains about everything, doesnt want to do anything or spend ANY money. It seems like iam forcing here to even be there. I think if she could choose, we would just stay in our hostel room for the whole 2 weeks.

I feel so alone and sad. I have only 2 close friends and she is one of them. If it wasnt for her i wouldnt have any plans for this holiday bcs iam too scared to travel alone. I find it hard to open up to other people so i dont think i have made a real friend since i was like 10. No boyfriend ever either.

I just thinks this friend hates me and thats why she acts so annoyed all the time. I dont think she is ever happy around me anymore.

So i know this is ranting, but i have a question.

Should i just let this friendship go? Should i cut her off after everything? After 12 years? Or should i keep being friends with a person that doesnt make me feel hapoy anymore ir should i risk ending up alone?

I'm struggling to process the end of a 20+ year friendship, and I'd really appreciate some outside perspectives.

I had a friend whom I genuinely cared about, but over the years our friendship became emotionally exhausting. She would call me almost every day, and our conversations often lasted two to four hours. Nearly every conversation revolved around a new crisis in her life—family drama, work conflicts, problems with her ex-husband, or conflicts with other people. She often told me I was her best friend and that I was the only person who truly understood her, so I spent years listening, comforting her, and giving advice.

When I became a mother, things changed. My pregnancy and postpartum period were difficult, and I had health complications that lasted for about eight months after my daughter was born. My daughter also had developmental delays and spent years attending appointments with psychologists, physiotherapists, and occupational therapists before things finally improved. During those years, my own career was completely on hold because I was focused on my health and my daughter.

My friend also hadn't progressed professionally for about eight years. She blamed most of her problems on unfair bosses, coworkers, family members, and other people. While I do believe some people treated her unfairly, I also felt she had difficulty accepting responsibility for her own mistakes. At one point she even ended up in conflict with her own psychologist, and I found myself agreeing with some of the psychologist's advice rather than with my friend.

At the same time, couples therapy helped me realize I needed healthier boundaries. I stopped spending hours analyzing every detail of her problems, and I stopped letting her anxiety affect my own life. For example, after my daughter was born, my friend constantly warned me that my baby could catch all kinds of illnesses if I wasn't extremely careful. My husband and I are fairly relaxed people, and I realized her constant warnings were making me unnecessarily anxious.

One day she told me she had interviewed for a prestigious organization connected to my religion. She isn't a member of my religion, and she actually thought the interview was strange, although I understood why it was conducted that way because of the organization's values.

She told me that if she ever worked there, she would introduce me to her future manager and help open doors for me professionally. I asked whether she actually intended to accept a job there. She said it would only be her last option and that she preferred many other places.

Since my daughter was finally doing much better and I was ready to restart my career, I asked if she could introduce me to that manager now instead of waiting. I explained that, since we shared the same religious values, I'd genuinely be interested in working there. She immediately agreed and said she'd send me the contact information later.

That evening she stayed at my house. Once again, we spent hours discussing her personal problems. It was already late at night, and I was exhausted because my daughter would wake up early the next morning. Eventually I suggested, "Let's ask ChatGPT what it thinks," partly because I wanted to end the evening on a lighter note instead of continuing to analyze the same problems. While opening my laptop, she noticed that I kept a private journal on my computer.

A few days later, I traveled with my family. While I was away, I reminded her about the introduction to that manager.

Instead of sending it, she suddenly texted me saying she no longer wanted to be friends because I had only stayed friends with her to use her professional contacts.

I was shocked. In more than twenty years of friendship, I had never asked her for professional favors before. In fact, I had helped her several times over the years, including trying to connect her with people who could help solve a legal issue she once had.

I told her I respected her decision if she no longer wanted to be friends, but that I didn't understand her accusations.

She became even angrier and said she "knew what I really thought about her."

Then she sent me photographs of pages from my private journal.

While staying at my house, she had secretly opened my laptop during the night, bypassed my password, read my journal, taken pictures of it, and used what she found against me.

In my journal I had written things like:

• that I thought she was deeply insecure;
• that I often disagreed with her but avoided saying so because I feared it would create more drama;
• that I agreed with some of her psychologist's observations;
• and that I felt emotionally drained by our friendship.

I never intended anyone to read those thoughts. I've kept journals my entire life because writing helps me organize my thoughts, especially since I have ADHD. Looking back at old journals also helps me see how I've grown over the years. I don't see a journal as a final judgment about someone—it's simply a place where I process difficult emotions honestly.

Now I'm left wondering whether I was actually a terrible friend for writing those things, or whether reading someone's private journal without permission crossed a much bigger line.

Was I wrong for writing honestly about my friend in my private journal? And how do you move on after losing someone you considered your best friend for over 20 years?

Hello i’m 16F and my boyfriend 16M. My boyfriend isn’t invited to his boys trip, i get it im the girlfriend I shouldn’t interfere but i genuinely feel bad for him. So his friend group have been planning to go on a boys trip for months now, 2 friends in that group told everyone that they didn’t want to invite my boyfriend because they think he’s gonna ruin it, a few months later they told him he was allowed to come anyway.

Fast forward to now, apparently he isn’t invited anymore and they’re already on vacation and since then they’ve been sending everything in the group chat of what they’re planning and sending videos while my boyfriend is in the group chat. My bf said he accepted it and acts tough, the worst part of this story is that his friends always hang out at his house to drink because he has a big house. I’m just wondering from a male perspective how you would handle this? Would you still be friends with them if all your homies would openly talk bad about you and not invite you to the boys trip???

I’m curious what other people think about this.

I became friends with an international exchange student because we had the same classes for a semester. We got pretty close during that time.

From the beginning, he was the type to randomly send me pictures from his daily life—food, places, scenery, whatever. I’d usually reply, ask questions, and we’d chat for a bit. That was basically our communication pattern for the entire semester.

After the semester ended, he went back to his home country. I honestly thought we’d naturally stop talking, but… nothing really changed.

He still randomly sends me photos from his day, and we end up talking almost every day. There’s usually no specific reason to text—it’s mostly just sharing little moments from our lives.

We’re also planning to meet again because I’m traveling to his country soon.
What I’m confused about is this: is this kind of communication normal between close friends of the opposite sex?

I’m not asking “Does he like me?” I know nobody here can read his mind.
I’m just wondering if having this kind of almost-daily contact and casually sharing your everyday life is something you’d normally do with a close friend, or if most people would only do this with someone they’re romantically interested in.

so basically same as the title, its my current bestfriend’s bday today and her ex that my bestfriend has been in love with surprised her by visiting her, my bestfriend is obviously freaking out and everything, and these days i have been really suicidal, im going to get my ECT done in this week itself, so she told me this and i got the biggest panic attack for 2 whole hours , I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH MY FRIEND, i see her as a normal friend, but im so jealous and very scared that she’ll replace me by her ex or whatever, im really on the edge , this happened with my last bestfriend too, i was not at all in love with her but the moment she got a boyfriend i literally lost it and i broke my friendship with her, i dont know i dont have anyone i can talk to tell these things, i dont expect anyone to understand all this, pls help me, i have severe abandonment and attachment issues and ik i have to heal it nd ive been trying but i literally am so on the edge right now tjat i want to kill myself, i just want to understand why im feeling like this, when i know in the future she will have a girlfriend or partner, why am i like this i dont like them like that, i am asexual and aromantic, pls help me understand.

AITAH for staying friends with someone my best friend had a falling out with, and refusing to end that friendship when she demanded it?

I (31F) was part of a close group of women in our early 30s. Two of them—“Monique” (32F) and “Sydney” (30F), were best friends long before I became close to either of them.

Sydney and I developed a friendship gradually and independently over time. At first it wasn’t frequent hangouts.. we mostly spoke on the phone, checked in, and built a connection naturally. Monique was aware of this and didn’t initially object.

Things changed when Sydney began dating seriously. Monique felt Sydney became distant—she wasn’t hearing from her as much and they weren’t making time for each other. Monique felt hurt and repeatedly tried to reach out to understand what changed. Sydney consistently reassured her that everything was fine, but Monique still felt the closeness was gone.

Around the same time, Sydney also became close with another woman in our group who Monique had originally introduced her to. Monique took this personally and felt replaced in multiple friendships, which created tension in the group.

Eventually Monique and Sydney had a major confrontation. Monique asked for clarity and a “clean slate” heading into the new year. During the conversation, Sydney felt Monique’s tone was escalating and inappropriate. In the heat of the moment, Sydney told Monique she didn’t want “darkness around her marriage.” Monique was extremely hurt by this and took it as Sydney viewing her as a negative presence. Their friendship ended after that.

After the fallout, I remained friends with both of them. I didn’t feel it was my place to cut Sydney off over a conflict that didn’t involve me directly. I did tell Sydney I thought calling Monique “darkness” was wrong and encouraged her to be more honest about her real issues. Sydney did have follow-up conversations with Monique, but from my perspective she still wasn’t fully transparent about all of her frustrations. There seemed to be attempts at repair, but nothing fully resolved.

Over time, my friendship with Sydney continued to grow.

Monique eventually became uncomfortable with this. She questioned how close Sydney and I were and told me she didn’t feel okay with me maintaining that friendship. She said if I stayed friends with Sydney, she would have to reconsider her friendship with me. She also implied that because Sydney was “her friend first” and because of how hurt she was, she would likely tell others in the group—and they would probably follow her lead.

I told Monique I understood she was hurt, but I didn’t agree that I should be required to end my own friendship. I felt each relationship should stand on its own. The conversation escalated and our friendship deteriorated afterward.

After that, Monique distanced herself from me and I later found out she encouraged others in the group to cut contact with me. Some did, some didn’t.

At this point, I stepped back and unfollowed her because the friendship no longer felt stable or genuine.

I understand Monique’s hurt and I also think Sydney handled parts of the situation poorly by not being fully direct earlier and letting resentment build.

But I struggle with the idea that I had to end a separate friendship in order to keep my friendship with Monique. Was this an issue of me not being loyal or was Monique being insecure and controlling??

AITAH?

I (F,22 almost 23) have been best friends with this girl (F,24) for 8 years, and I’m seriously considering ending the friendship after what happened this weekend. I just want some outside opinions because I’m worried I’m either overreacting or missing something.

We were all drinking and staying at her cousin’s house after a night out. Out of nowhere she started accusing me of trying to go through her phone while she was pretending to be asleep… except she was talking about something that supposedly happened around 7-8 years ago.
I genuinely have no memory of this ever happening, and I replied by saying, “I didn’t even know your phone password back then.” She actually agreed that I didn’t know the password, so I said, “So what exactly was I going to do with your phone then?”

Instead of having a conversation, she just became more and more aggressive. She repeatedly called me a “fucking bitch” and then later claimed that I had called her a bitch five times. I told her the word “bitch” hadn’t come out of my mouth once that night.

Her two male cousins were sitting there, so I asked them if they’d heard me call her that because she was accusing me of something that didn’t happen. They both said they weren’t getting involved, and she laughed and said, “As if they’d ever back you up against me.”
I wasn’t trying to get them to take sides, I was just trying to defend myself against something that wasn’t true.

Then she started saying things like:
“No wonder you always cry to me about having no friends.”
For context, she knows I struggled with friendships because I went through trauma, became very shy, and developed social anxiety. I used to be really outgoing before all of that. Those were private conversations I had with someone I thought was my best friend, and she used them against me in front of other people.
She also repeatedly said things like, “Maybe you need to realise you’re the problem,” and “No wonder you have no friends.”

Earlier that same night I had told her I’d been involved in a physical altercation in a bathroom, and she then later said, “No wonder you got beat up earlier.” I was annoyed but i actually moved on from it and didn’t take it too personally but she continued a few minutes later.

At one point i think she forgot she was the one instigating and being nasty and she asked what my fucking problem was and I said I didn’t have a problem with her and that I was only defending myself because she was accusing me of things that weren’t true. She then said, “Can I not hold resentment against you?” referring to the alleged phone incident from 7-8 years ago.

That really stuck with me because if she’s genuinely been holding resentment towards me for that long, why stay friends with me for another 8 years without ever bringing it up? And if that’s genuinely the worst thing she can think of that I’ve done in our entire friendship, it doesn’t exactly make me feel like I’ve been the awful friend she was making me out to be.

She also said I was being a bitch and a cunt towards a guy she’d met that night, but all I’d actually done was hug both of them while we were figuring out what we were doing next (as i mentioned i had been slapped in the bathroom and didn’t find my friends again until this moment so i hugged them both and said i was so happy to see them)

Whenever I defended myself, she kept saying I was being aggressive. I remember saying to her, “I’m not being aggressive, I’m being defensive. I’m allowed to defend myself when you’re accusing me of things that aren’t in my character.”

Then she said to me, “Are you going to get a taxi then?” We were in Waterford and I live in Portlaoise. It was around 4-5am, and from her tone it felt like she was kicking me out.
I ended up leaving, sitting in a 24-hour shop by myself until the trains started running, and went home. Afterwards she texted me saying I always do this, that she was done with me, and that I was embarrassing.

The thing is, this isn’t actually the first time she’s kicked me out. On halloween 2024 she was drunk and physically hitting her boyfriend. I tried to separate them because I didn’t want the situation to get worse, and she started hitting me instead. I hit her back to defend myself, and she kicked me out in Dublin in the middle of the night even though I lived in Waterford at the time.
To be fair, she did apologise for that incident afterwards and seemed genuinely sorry, so I moved past it.

But now I’m wondering if this is just a pattern.
Looking back, there have been other things too. During periods where she was basically my only friend, she’d regularly flake on plans or leave me waiting around for hours, even though she knew I didn’t really have anyone else to make plans with. Or creating distance between us and not texting me back whenever she made a new friend (who she eventually would fall out with and she would come back to me)

I’ve also never really liked the way she treats some of her other friends. I just never thought she’d eventually treat me the same way.

The part I can’t get over is that she weaponised personal things I’d trusted her with just to embarrass me and has held a secret grudge/resentment towards me for all of our friendship..

Would you end an 8-year friendship over this, or would you try to have one final conversation when she’s sober?

I have a friend who can never accept a no as is. Like she'll ask to hang out and I say I can't and she'll always ask why. The why is I just don't want to or else I would have said sorry I have a conflict. Or she'll ask to do something that costs money that I don't want to spend and she'll ask why when I say no and its annoying because I don't want to have to explain my financial situation, also yea I spent $100 yesterday but $30 for this specific thing that she likes feels like burning money to me and I'm allowed to decide that for myself and not have to explain or have someone judge my decisions.

Overall, its just annoying because no is a full sentence and I don't have to answer to anyone, but also I don't want to hurt my friend which is why I select when to give a reason and when to not. I usually just try to reiterate I can't but she keeps pushing and its starting to make me just straight up avoid responding to her until its too late for the thing which isn't how I want to be in a friendship. She really can't seem to take a hint at this point and she's kind of a gentle sheltered person which is why I'm trying to not be blunt and come off harsh. She's the kind of person who says she loves directness, but very much can't actually take it. Any advice?

So I have this new friend . We've just started talking and we haven't even met yet . However we have great conversations and we really have a natural flow when talking.

They also do initiate .

They also have to drive to hangout .

But IV noticed that the last couple times atleast so far that we've planned to hangout something's come up.

First time , they didn't feel good basically.

Totally fine right.

Second time, they were having a very bad day it seemed and we're telling me about it and they forgot that we were talking about it that day a couple days earlier ..

so the second time nothing was set in stone yet it just was discussed that we would hang on that day ...

However when these things came up they didn't overdramatize it either like it was a lie . They just said it straight forward with very very little to no detail .

And then each time they also felt bad about it and immediately mentioned rescheduling.

And now just this past weekend we again talked about it . But no day . It was just mentioned and they said they could make some time even though it's busy for them ..

Again . There is no plan obviously so I don't care about that .

With all this, something very important to add is that they are really nice and have honestly been very kind to me. They have been someone I can talk to whenever I feel I need to .

And they are happy to listen to me go on and on about the same issues lol so that says a lot too.... I want to not overthink or jump to anything yet .... Everything so far that theyv shown me as who they are is great . And they do seem honest and very genuine.

Now , as well I didnt outright ask them if they had been honest with me those times. But I did say something along the lines of

"Not saying you weren't being honest those times, but I just want to be sure I'm not being lied to . I'm in no rush to hangout . But the last couple times we've tried something's happened. "

And they just said they understand .

I tend to overthink . And I don't want to just assume things cause that's not fair to them either .

I can see it both ways, that they were honest about all of it and it's only been a couple times it's happened and sometimes life does happen and you may need to keep replanning .

The other way, is they are just lying about it and for some reason still wanting to talk to me and stuff but not follow through and are infact flaking .

Okay so i have a question, right now i’m really trying to find friends in my city but here’s the thing i’ve heard things online and in real life about how people with no friends tend to be bad people to be around and that it’s our fault that we don’t have any friends because we are mean..now obviously that’s not the case for me but i’m worried that someone might think this when i tell them. So should i tell them or
no?

Hi Everyone - Today's been kind of rough, its my 31st birthday and I have spent it alone for the most part, with the exception of a quick lunch with my sister. Other sister was too busy and uncle had a late night. Mom died from Covid and dad is estranged because he couldn't stop making Covid Jokes.

My Friends who I have known for some time, some being for as long as 26 years only remember if I really go and make an event where there is free food, drinks, and gifts. Me and my friends are big magic players and for each of their birthdays I threw them a friend magic tournament party of 10 people with a set they wanted to try, a special gift, and got them dinner.

This year i was feeling kind of alone and asked everyone if they were free to hang out either in-person or virtually. Everyone was too busy - life happens, decide to write it off and take a depression nap.

Wake up and two of them are hanging out online, I jump on to join the conversation. Quickly, they say I really wouldn't get value out of their conversation since its two of them talking about a genre of music they like. I confronted them about it, said it was my birthday and I appreciated all their consideration.

They then sent a quick, "Sorry Man" text. I told them to have a good night.

Wasn't looking for admiration, wasn't looking for gifts, just wanted a little effort to be put in in asking how my day was going. Not even special recognition for my birthday, just to be asked how i was doing. Couldn't do that.

They just got back from electric forest so they all spent a considerable amount of time together, but I couldn't get a phone call or a text.

Usually when we do outings, I front the cost because most of them can't afford to do stuff. Not that they don't have funds, its the funds that they do have go to drugs, concerts, and emergencies.

We play DnD and last year I paid for 7 of us to take a trip up to the creators house of dungeons and dragons because it was a bucket list item. Only 2 of 7 contributed something to offset the costs.

I usually spend the holidays alone since my mom passed away and they know that.

Only really have two or three friends who checked in today, my best friend and two college buddies - so i know to be grateful for that, and I let them know how much I was. Roommate, who's my cousin, told me happy birthday, so I guess I'll count that as a win. He had to cancel our breakfast plans though because he was busy.

Sorry. End Rant.

I (26F) met up with a friend thinking it would just be the two of us, but when I got there she had invited another friend without telling me beforehand. I didn’t know him, and as an introvert, I was already uncomfortable.
Throughout the night, she’d leave me with him while she talked to other people. He didn’t really include me in the conversation either, so I mostly sat there awkwardly not knowing what to say. Later she went to chat with a table of pilots, and again I felt left out.
I eventually left because I felt out of place. Afterward, she called and apologized, saying she didn’t want me to feel that way and wished I’d talked to her first.
Now I feel guilty because she seemed sincere, but at the same time I didn’t know the plans involved hanging out with someone I didn’t know, and I spent most of the night feeling like an outsider.
Was I wrong for leaving, or was my reaction understandable?

TL;DR: I met up with a friend expecting a one-on-one hangout, but she had invited someone I didn’t know without telling me. She kept leaving me with him (and he didn’t really include me in the conversation), then spent time talking to another group while I felt like an outsider. I left because I felt out of place. She later apologized and said she didn’t mean to make me feel that way. Was I wrong for leaving?

It’s been official since 2024 that I don’t have a genuine good friend. The problem with me is, Im a good person. I try to do whatever the person wants to stay friends with them but whatever I do, it’s never good enough to be someone’s first friend they think of. I never get invited anywhere as nobody thinks to invite me.

Basically: I am technically friends with a a lot of people, but I am nobody’s first choice. I am always that background friend that gets talked to once in a while and like whenever I see you I will speak to you yes I am your friend but I am nobody’s friend that people will go out of their way to speak to me or hang out whatever.

I don’t know if it’s something Im ping doing or it’s just genuinely the fact that at my age, everyone has already chosen their group of friends which they won’t let anyone into.

What can I do?

I (Female 27), and My Wife (Female 24) have been together for five years. We recently got legally married about 4 months ago and have our celebration with family in October 2026.
For context, my best friend has known my wife for 4 years. She and my wife have never been close but both have been casual in group settings.
Last year there was a rift caused by a miscommunication but that was cleared up and all parties said they had moved on.
Can provide context if needed.
Since then, my wife has been going through a career shift and trying out a couple different part time jobs so she can start nursing school as she has spent the last couple years supporting me through grad school.
Cut to yesterday. I am talking to my best friend about feeling stressed financially and she starts asking if i am sure i want to stay with my wife. She says marriage means 50/50, and my wife isn’t working hard enough. I AM COMFORTABLE WITH HOW MUCH MY WIFE IS WORKING BECAUSE SHE HAS ALWAYS HAD A JOB AND COOKS ME DINNER EVERY NIGHT.
My best friend says “she is every month doing things to make my life more stressful and everyone would support me if i left”.
I am caught completely off guard. I show my wife. She is hurt….obviously. We ask all the closest members of our community if they are concerned and they all say no.
Here’s the problem. We are 3 months out from the wedding. My wife and I want to call her on this. She tried to break up our marriage and acted like we could just walk away from this. However, we don’t want to upset the apple cart as she’s already agreed to be MOH and paid for bachelorette party.
My wife and I are just confused….
So reddit…wtf do we do.

So basically, I (22F) agreed to watch my friend's cat until further notice because her parents wouldn't allow her to keep the cat at their house. That's not the problem, though. The problem is that my family and I go on vacation every year, and this year was no different. I've been telling my two best friends (20F and 21F) about this trip for months.
About a week before I left, I realized I needed to be more straightforward about her taking her cat back, so I told her she needed to find care for her cat for the seven days I'd be gone. She said it was fine, so I dropped it.

Five days before I left, she told our group chat that she was going out of town with her boyfriend for his birthday. Then, three days before my trip, she told me she still hadn't found anyone to watch her cat. Me, being the pushover that I am, told her the cat could stay at my place for those three days.
Before I left, I realized how frustrated I was because I only needed her to do one thing, and she couldn't even do that. This isn't the first time she's dumped the responsibility of her cat on me or been inconsiderate of my feelings, time, and money.

So I sent her a text explaining why I was frustrated, and I didn't even get an apology.

So, I'm (29,f) in a bit of a dilemma and would appreciate some insight from other people how might be able to relate to this. I have a roommate who is in her early twenties (around 8 years younger than I am) and we got along great in the beginning despite the age difference. I consider her a friend by now and really like her, but there are a couple of things that I think are quite annoying and I'm unsure if it's reasonable to bring them up.

She recently went through a breakup and since then she's been telling me every day about a new guy who wouldn't leave her alone. We've been out a couple of times together - I know that she does actually get approached quite often. I was very sympathetic in the beginning - I'm not beautiful enough to have this problem often, but I completely understand how aggravating a man who can't take no for an answer is and how deeply unsafe und uncomfortable this can feel. I happened once while I was with her - some guy who was way older than her approached her and told her her rembered her blue eyes and that they must have met before. She didn't say she wasn't interested - which I thought was understandable, this is always an intimidating situation, so I stepped in and asked what he wanted. She kind of shushed me and continued talking to him. Afterwards when she told him no,nthe couldn't have met three times and he finally left she turned to me and immediately went "wow this is so typical how I can't just have a minute without a man approaching me. Also you saw how he completely ignored you when you tried to say something? This happens to me so often, why are men so obsessed with me and won't leave me alone?" From my perspective this whole exchange felt rather weird and I felt reminded of my teenage friendships, where male attention, even unwanted was some kind of social currency. I left it at that, but I feel like recently it's all she talks about. I always try to comfort her and say things like "yeah, that's so rude, I'm so sorry you're going through this and have to feel unsafe", but to be quite honest it just feels like it's some kind of ego boost for her to tell me about it? Recently she told me about how a mutual friend who I used to have a crush on ages ago (completely over it, but still) had to protect her from more unwanted male attention and couldn't leave her out of sight and how it's so funny that he's so protective of her since he usually is very standoffish. I told her that was how I perceived him when I had crush in him, a long time ago and she seemed really excited to tell me after this happened that he was so so caring and kind with her. Also, when we're in groups somewhere she is being extra loud and extroverted, especially if there are new guys around, talking over me and my other friends. I usually let it slide because we both have ADHD, I think she's partly just excited and enjoys socializing and she's barely 20, so I get that insecurities might also play into this and that she feels like she has to be extra fun and loud to be liked. But I also notice how I'm getting more and more annoyed by all of this behavior. Like I said, I was in a lot of quite toxic friendships in my highschool years with girls who were obsessively male centered and put me down in front of other people (specifically men) to make themselves look better and took a lot of pride in being more attractive then me. I'm really not interested in this dynamic again. On the other hand, I do know that she is getting approached quite often and maybe am jumping to conclusions based on my previous experiences. Also, she's just so young - maybe I should just put it down validation she apparently needs and leave it at that. But also, listing to it all the time just is genuinely annoying to me. Any advice how to handle this?

I have a best friend, she's been my ride or die since I was about 6 years old. We have experienced everything together through growing up, especially our teen years.

Over the past 6ish years, her life has been a lot more eventful than mine, and that's okay. I've stood by and supported her. She got married to a high school crush, got divorced right after, and is now re-married. Even through all of this I've continued to have a close relationship with her, but it's had more ups and downs as she's gotten older.

Last night - she invited me over to her house, which isn't out of the norm. Had a great day, had a backyard bbq, played some games, chilled in a small kiddie pool and just had a nice time. At night, We watched fireworks from their backyard because you can see them very clearly.

After the fireworks, I pretty much got all of my stuff together, got more formally dressed and was getting ready to leave, and she said "Hey, do you want to go upstairs with me and (husbands name) - also- none of us drink, so it wasn't a drunk comment.

I didn't exactly know what she intended, because I didn't ask, but I think I picked up on it, and was said "oh, no, I have to get going, it's past my bedtime." and she was like "oh, okay no worries, it was great hanging out."

I'm totally lost with this, and I'm trying to not interpret this incorrectly but I'm completely taken back by this.

What do I do now?