u/Emotional-Tea-951

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and I honestly just need to understand it.

Why do some people call themselves your friend, but still stay friendly with the people who made your life difficult or betrayed you?

Like I had a friend who would literally walk beside me, then slow down just to stay behind and talk to my ex like everything was normal. The same ex who caused me pain.

And it wasn’t just that once. She also kept talking to people who had betrayed me and played a role in messing up my life. People she knew I wasn’t okay with.

What confuses me is… how do you act close to me, sit with me, laugh with me, but also comfortably engage with people who hurt me?
It makes me question whether they ever really saw me as someone they needed to protect or consider at all.

I’m not saying everyone has to “pick sides” in every situation, but surely there’s a level of respect and awareness that should exist when you know someone has been deeply hurt by another person?

It just made me realize something painful but also freeing:
maybe not everyone who is close to you actually carries loyalty in the same way you do.

Has anyone else experienced this? How do you even interpret it without feeling disrespected or stupid for caring?

Watching the polygamist lowkey scarred me. Especially have been victim of a “Jonasi” once in my life.

A true well depicted and embodied narcissist. It just goes to show how self serving and self preserving such men are. It’s never worth forgiving such betrayal, dishonesty and disloyalty. In a way it reassured me that walking away is always the smartest decision. No need to fight anyone, no need to prove anything to anyone, walk away. It will hurt, burn and eat you up inside till it doesn’t…

And THE DAY it doesn’t hurt anymore, you’ll truly be powerful. Cause you will look at that man and feel nothing

Hello, 22F here. I’m currently struggling with my partner on issues to do with emotional maturity. We’ve had countless discussions about it to no avail. So I’ve decided to “leave it to God.” Cause you can’t change a man unless he wants to change himself.

To those that were once emotionally immature, what was the turning point and how did you navigate it?

I(F22) have been in a relationship for about a year, and I’m struggling with something that keeps repeating and is really hurting me emotionally.

Whenever I get emotional or try to express hurt or vulnerability, my boyfriend(M23) shuts down, becomes cold, or tells me to leave/go home. This has happened multiple times over the relationship.

Today was another example. I was already feeling hurt because I feel like he’s been emotionally distant lately. We had a disagreement about small things like food and money (he’s been stressed financially), but the bigger issue was that I ended up feeling overwhelmed because I just felt unloved and misunderstood in the moment.

Instead of comforting me, the situation escalated. He told me I was “ruining him,” and eventually told me to leave his place or things would “end badly.” I left because I felt rejected and didn’t want to stay where I felt unwanted.

This isn’t the first time. Even though he says he understands my emotional side and that he loves me, when I’m vulnerable or expressing emotional needs, he struggles to handle it and often withdraws or becomes cold. Then afterwards he sometimes acts affectionate again, but the cycle keeps repeating.

I’ve tried to communicate my needs for comfort and emotional reassurance, but it doesn’t seem to change long-term. When things are calm, he is loving. When I need emotional support, he shuts down.

Now I’m at a point where I’m questioning whether this is just a communication issue we can fix, or if we are just emotionally incompatible. I don’t feel emotionally safe or supported when I’m vulnerable anymore, and I don’t know if that’s something that can realistically change.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Is this something people can work through, or is emotional responsiveness during conflict a core compatibility issue?