r/lostafriend

I used to be the person everyone came to with their problems. And I wore it like a badge of honor. "I'm a good listener." "People trust me." All that.

Except I was exhausted Constantly. I'd spend hours on the phone with the same friend venting about the same situations. Same coworker drama Same ex Same complaints about life not changing. And somehow I'd hang up feeling heavier than before the call.

I started noticing a pattern. The people who drained me the most had something in common: they never asked how I was doing Not once. Three years of 2-hour phone calls and this person never once said "how are YOU holding up?" Not a single time.

I didn't realize it until I tracked it 87 calls over 6 months Zero questions about me.

That's when something clicked. I wasn't being a good friend I was being a free service. And the reason I felt drained is because I was giving emotional labor and getting nothing back.

So I stopped. I started saying "I can't take that call right now" or "I've got capacity for about 15 minutes." Some of them got angry One said I changed One said I was being selfish. One just stopped calling altogether.

Here's what I learned people who are used to you overgiving will feel cheated when you start setting limits. That doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. It means the relationship was built on what you gave, not who you are.

I lost three friendships But the ones that stayed Those are real. And I have energy for them now.

If you're in a situation where someone's constantly taking and you're constantly giving and you don't know how to change it without losing the relationship, Comment your situation or send me a DM. I can share what worked for me Sometimes it helps to talk it through with someone who's been there.

I (late 20s, F) met my best friend ("Chloe") at university in 2018. We became very close very quickly and eventually lived together. I considered her my best female friend for almost eight years.

Looking back, there were incidents that bothered me, but I always brushed them aside because I loved her and assumed that's what friendship was.

One of the earliest happened when I was studying in Shanghai. We went out drinking with two guys. I'd never really drunk alcohol before, but she kept encouraging me to drink more. I almost blacked out. She put me in a taxi with one of the guys, and I ended up at his apartment where I was nearly sexually assaulted. She never asked me what happened afterward.

Later, when she moved abroad for work, I visited her regularly, but she almost never visited me despite many invitations.

Eventually she invited me to work for her company in the Philippines. During my interview, she was extremely harsh with me, making me feel stupid for my Chinese. I actually cried afterward. Her boyfriend interviewed me later in Chinese, and the interview went perfectly fine.

While working together, we also lived together. She often commented on my weight and eating habits, controlled what I ate, criticized me, and generally made me feel like I was always doing something wrong. At the gym she would reject any advice I gave her but frequently criticized me herself.

She also admitted to doing unethical things at work, including taking candidates from headhunters and claiming them herself. I was uncomfortable but was expected to help.

After months of feeling miserable, I finally wrote her a long message explaining how hurt I was. I carefully explained that I wasn't trying to attack her, only to tell her how her behavior affected me. I said I felt constantly criticized, controlled, and emotionally exhausted.

Her entire response was: I think you should quit then

That was it.

She never apologized or tried to discuss anything. I stayed anyway because I didn't want to lose my job or our friendship. Later we remained friends after the company closed. I even visited her in Thailand.

There were more situations that bothered me. For example, while I was in Thailand she cancelled a planned trip to Cambodia only about an hour before departure, leaving me to travel alone because of health issue that never happened to her before and magically happened right before the trip.

Fast forward to this year.

She and her now-husband moved to Brazil and invited me to their wedding. Flying there from my country was very expensive, but I bought the tickets because she was my best friend.

We had also been planning a hiking trip for months, but about a month before the trip she cancelled that too.

Since I had never been to Brazil, do not speak the language and she herself had previously told me how dangerous it could be, I started asking practical questions:

• Which SIM card should I buy?
• Which apps should I use?
• Would someone meet me at the airport?
• What was the plan before and after the wedding?

Her replies became increasingly short and dismissive.

I became anxious because I was about to travel halfway around the world alone for more than 35 hrs. Eventually I contacted her husband because he was local and had previously told me they'd help me when I arrived. He told me that they did not have any plan, and he told me he did not have time this week for a 15-minute call with me.

The next day, instead of answering my questions, Chloe sent me a long message listing reasons why I was a bad friend.

Some of them included:

• I hadn't told her years earlier that a dentist who sexually harassed me had also later been around her.
• I was too negative about my appearance and didn't not appreciate her beauty enough.
• She didn't approve of how I handled my romantic relationship.
• She didn't like that I'd had an affair years ago and didn't tell her about that.
• She said I hadn't protected her enough on a night when she got extremely drunk—even though I was the one who got her home, cleaned up after she vomited, and put her to bed.

She then blocked me everywhere.

There was one more complication.

While she was in Brazil, I'd bought an emerald that was shipped to her husband's address because international shipping to me wasn't possible.

After blocking me, she said she'd only return my stone under conditions that were practically impossible. Her husband started insulting both me and my boyfriend. At one point they gave me about a day to find someone in Brazil to receive and forward the package or they would throw it away.

When my boyfriend spoke to them, Chloe apparently claimed that I had ended the friendship, which wasn't true from my perspective. She also accused me of cheating on my boyfriend with someone in Thailand, which never happened.

I ended up losing a lot of money on plane tickets, never got my stone back, and lost someone I had considered my best friend.

The strange part is that I don't actually miss her anymore.

What I can't get over is that I genuinely don't know whether I'm the bad person she described.

Were some of her complaints valid? Probably. I'm sure I'm not perfect.

But I also feel like whenever I tried to communicate my feelings throughout the friendship, they were dismissed, and when the friendship finally ended, years of old grievances were suddenly used to explain why I was supposedly the problem all along.

So... am I missing something? Was I really a terrible friend, or was this friendship simply much more one-sided than I realized?

I've been struggling with this for months, and I genuinely don't know whether I was a terrible friend or whether I ignored years of red flags.

I had a baby last year, and since then I’ve lost several friendships that I truly thought would last forever. One of my closest friends slowly stopped reaching out after my daughter was born, and eventually unfollowed me on social media. Around the same time, another friendship seemed to end after I couldn’t attend a wedding celebration because it was adults-only and I wasn’t able to find childcare. A few other mutual friends also drifted away or stopped communicating with me.

When my daughter turned one, I decided to keep her birthday small and only invited the people I considered my closest friends. None of the friends who had drifted away reached out to wish her a happy birthday, and not long afterward several of them unfollowed me on social media. That was the moment I realized those friendships were probably over.

What hurts the most is watching them continue to show up for and support each other through big life events—weddings, celebrations, hard times—in ways I never felt they showed up for me. I was always there for them when they needed someone, but when I was struggling through postpartum and becoming a first-time mom, I felt overlooked and alone.

I’ve spent so much time wondering if I did something wrong or if becoming a mom changed me in a way people don’t like. The postpartum period was already lonely, and losing people I loved made it so much harder.
I’m doing better now, but I still find myself wondering if anyone else has experienced friendships changing after becoming a parent. Did you ever stop blaming yourself? Did you find new friendships that fit this season of life? Was this a blessing in disguise?

Hi everyone,
I’m looking for some advice and an outside perspective on a situation that has been bothering me.
Four years ago, when I moved to a new country, I became part of a WhatsApp group of around 10–15 people, all from the same country as me. At the center of the group was an Instagram influencer with around 500K followers and her two closest friends.
Over time, a smaller inner circle formed within the larger group. It consisted of the influencer, her two closest friends, and usually two or three other people. They would have their own private parties and gatherings while occasionally still meeting up with the larger group, which I was part of.
What I found interesting was that, while the influencer and her two closest friends always remained at the center, the other members of the inner circle seemed to change over time. Some people would become part of it for a while, and later I would see different people spending time with them.
Eventually, the larger WhatsApp group became inactive. I don’t actually know what happened after that or whether other groups were created, so I don’t want to make assumptions. However, through social media, I continued to see the influencer and her close friends regularly meeting up, having parties, and socializing with different people, including new people from our home country.
I always found this dynamic a little strange and uncomfortable, although I could never quite explain why. It wasn’t simply that some people were closer friends than others, which I understand is completely normal. I think it was more the feeling that there was a fixed center of three people, while the people around them seemed to change over time.
There had never been an argument or any obvious conflict between us. When the larger group became inactive and I was no longer invited to anything, I interpreted it as a sign that they didn’t particularly want to stay in touch with me, so eventually I stopped reaching out as well.
This week, I found out that the influencer is moving to another country. Despite everything, I decided to send her a message wishing her well with the move. She hasn’t replied, even though she has been very active on social media, posting stories and attending farewell parties and other gatherings.
I understand that people are busy and that no one owes anyone a reply, but I would be lying if I said it didn’t hurt. It brought back many of the feelings I had when I realized that I was no longer part of their social life.
Now I find myself wondering whether reaching out was a mistake and whether I should have simply left things in the past. I’m also wondering whether I’ve placed too much importance on this group and their dynamics, and why being left behind by people I was never extremely close to still affects me this much.
I would really appreciate an outside perspective. How would you interpret this situation? Would you have reached out, or would you have simply moved on without saying anything?

I’ve known this person for at least over a year at this point, we met through a mutual friend through the internet and although we didn’t talk at first we became more comfortable with each other over time to the point where 5 months later we started talking about mostly everyday. We would usually just send memes we saw on TikTok and just talk about random stuff rather it be sum random goofy stuff or just stuff about what going on with our lives, eventually I just thought that I could confide with her with everything and that led to me telling about my grievances with my depression and thoughts about offing my self and harming myself cause at that point in time I was probably at my lowest like going off the deep end type of thing and I wasn’t really willing to tell anyone else about at the time, so out of desperation I just thought I could confide with my friend to see if she could at least support me at that time. Shortly after that we became more closer like we were so close that we would make promises together to like meet up in person in someway and even send each other’s gifts like she would send me a digital camera and I promised to make them a painting, and again we would talk every day for hours and hours on end. But although that was when our friendship was at our peak at that point it was also where I think it started to vaulter because it turned out all the things I was doing in our friendship was wrong in someway, like sometimes when we banter and poke fun with each other while sending unflattering pictures too each other and my friend would send one picture of her that she absolutely hated and I took it too far with showing the picture with some her other friends, not only that but I have a lot of bad habits that are very toxic like poking fun at my grievances and whenever we would play games with each other I would sometimes get frustrated and get competitive, both of these things she didn’t really like; another thing is that one time she wouldn’t talk for days and I asked her if I should leave her alone at that time and her response was “idrc what people do during this time and idc if they people choose to not talk to anymore after this or not cus I already lost too many friends too care at this point”, I don’t really know why but it kinda upset me when she said that cus like this friendship is important to me and for her to say she didn’t care I leave was kinda hurtful for me in someway, she told me I was just taking it the wrong way but honestly I don’t really know. And then as of recently she began starting to distance herself from me because of me always making fun of my mental illness, and during that time I started working on her painting again so her ghosting me and working on the painting kinda happened at the same time, and at the same time my friend is talking to this girl that she’s really into and I honestly just thought that they were beginning to start dating or were already dating but I didn’t know and again she was ghosting me so I just assumed they were dating so just out of nowhere I asked if she still wanted the painting because I didn’t want to send the painting just to cause a problem with her girlfriend thinking I was trying to get with my friend, like I just didn’t want to cause any drama with none of that. But my friend got mad at about that because she that it was weird that I was asking if she still wanted the painting now that she’s dating because it made seem like I was trying to push the envelope and trying to get with her and that it didn’t matter if I did make that girl mad because apparently they weren’t even dating this whole time even though they always flirting with each other but because of asking that about the painting she started ghosting me more, meanwhile I was still trying to text her and shit trying to see how she was doing and showing her pictures for the painting and stuff. Eventually I did end up telling her that it was upsetting me that she was ghosting me this was and that it was hurting me and thats when she went off on me and told everything about how the questions about the painting were weird to her, and how she hates how I was messing with her with that picture of her and she doesn’t like how I treated her in games and she like how obsessive I got during the friendship always needing to talk to her about stuff. She told me she missed how I used to be before all that stuff happened with games, and she told me that she doesn’t want to deal with me wanting to rely on her about my mental stuff and how I should rely on myself for that stuff and that she didn’t want to be the reason why I would go off the deep end again, but besides all that she just said she needed a major break and that maybe one day we could talk like we use to but now is not the time. After all that it just made me more upset and distraught because a lot of this stuff she never even told me until now and now I feel like an asshole because I was feeling I was being wronged and now it was the other was around, eventually I did send like four paragraphs of messages to her apologizing to her for all that and in the last paragraph I told her that I didn’t want her to think I didn’t see her as an actual friend because I did cause she was saying that she knew I didn’t value her time and stuff, but just summarize I told her that regardless I still thought she was an amazing person and that no matter what I would still wait for her to come back even if takes years for her to wanna talk again let alone never talk to me again I would still wait because I promise her that I would never wanna end my friendship with her; she did heart the message but she didn’t respond to it and I haven’t heard from her in a few days. And now I’m just stuck cus that was my best friend in fact my only friend in like ever and I guessed I just took it for granted and was an asshole the whole time even when I didn’t even mean it that way, like I will admit sum things I did were uncalled for like with that picture but a lot of that stuff about making fun of each other wasn’t even serious it’s just that one picture was the one I was supposed take serious I just overlooked that, but a lot stuff I didn’t know like her not wanting me to always be around and be clingy and not wanting me to confide with her, like I guess I was too pushy with that stuff; but besides that I’m still upset I messed it up and I’ve been upset about it for days and I just don’t know what to do at this point like still want to wait for my friend to comeback and like I would do anything for us to be friends again but like if she never comes around to me again then I wouldn’t know how to handle that. But anyways Ik this is kinda very long so I’ll just end it here, if y’all have any advice to give than please let me know cus I would appreciate that :)

I went through a painful break up years ago. I reached out to her a few years ago after a few years of no contact. She apologized to me and gave me some answers as to why she left me and asked to meet me. After making plans to meet me, she told me she was dating someone and he didn’t want her to see me. I was upset that she did this to me and I tried to talk to her about it, and it got ugly. We got into a big argument and she told me that she doesn’t feel good about apologizing to me, I bring her down and remind her of the past, and I torture her. She didn’t mean it when she asked to see me, she loves this guy and doesn’t love me anymore.

Dating has been extremely difficult for me and discouraging. I can’t get a girl to go out with me. Usually, we make plans and they cancel on me and ghost me. Or we go on a date or two, and then they ghost me. I’ve literally only been on a handful of dates in 7 years. My childhood friends also cut me off. I’m still friends with 2 of them, but they don’t spend time with me anymore. One of these two invited me to his wedding, and has only hung out with me a few times since the wedding, 2 years ago. A few of them have gotten married since. I wasn’t invited to the wedding. I only found out from seeing the wedding pictures on Instagram.

I also lost two other childhood friends unrelated to this other friend group. They used to date each other in high school. The guy cut me off along with all of his other friends and this female friend for years, and got hooked on drugs and all sorts of crazy stuff. He’s a manipulative narcissist and a compulsive liar and womanizer. I ran into him a couple years after this and he said hi to me and asked me about this friend that he dated. I hadnt heard from her and she seemed to have deleted her social media accounts. I called her and talked to her and asked her why she stopped talking to me and that I ran into this guy earlier today. She told me that it was basically because of him and she was worried I would “ take his side over hers” we had a fairly good conversation that night, but she still wouldn’t talk to me. I rekindled my friendship with this guy and he rekindled his friendship with everyone else that he ghosted as well. He also started dating this girl again, but she still wouldn’t talk to me.

He had told me that apparently, this girl and her parents hated me and him. He heard it from our mutual friend that she apparently hung out with and hooked up with. I was confused as to why that would be and would try texting her and calling her, but she still wouldn’t talk to me. He was cheating on her and I think he was poisoning the waters between us because he didn’t want me telling her this. Someone else ended up telling her and me and this guy friend got into a big fight because we tried starting a business together and it wasn’t working out. This female friend called me and apologized to me, also acknowledged that she wasn’t a good friend to me. She still won’t talk to me, won’t answer my calls or text me. I tried following her on Instagram, but she didn’t accept my follow request.

I’m almost 30 and this has all been going on since my early 20’s. I have no friends, I’m just as heart broken now over losing the love of my life as I was back then. I assume she’s married now, just like my lost friends. This grief is also interfering with my professional life. I live with my mom and her boyfriend because I can’t support myself financially. I don’t have any trade skills and I don’t have a college degree. My depression and grief makes it hard for me to focus. I feel like life is passing me by. My 20’s feel lost.

Thank you for reading. Any advice would be appreciated.

Hey everyone. I've been facing an issue. I can't state the whole situation here and i really need advice and help. Let me know if anyone is willing to help me out or give an advice regarding my situation. I'll state the situation in private message. Let me know in the comments.

I had a platonic friendship with a girl for over 4 years. She has abandoned the friendship for weeks-months repeatedly. Otherwise, we talk 24/7 (literally expects me to call her while I’m at work.) Last year, for example, she left for 2 months when I told her I was having a bad day and asked why she didn’t get back to me for hours.

In April, she randomly stopped messaging me. Her last text was “can we talk a ton today pleaseeeee.” Then vanished for 5 weeks (besides one intermediate text saying she was busy). She called me out of the blue. I expressed that it hurt she did this, to which she replied, “it’s scary you were upset at me. Friends just drift apart, so promise me you won’t get angry.” Within minutes, she was back to saying I’m the best and asked what she’d do without me. She said it was awful not talking to me.

For the next 2 weeks, we’d talk daily for hours on end. (I was on a trip seeing family so couldn’t hang out.) When I didn’t answer her calls she’d say, “Sad!! Can we please at least text??” She’d laugh so hard and enjoy. She kept saying, “it’s just so nice and calm talking to you.”

Then, suddenly, she stops replying for 2 days. She calls me out of the blue late at night 4 times. I call back shortly after. She said, “Hi, I was sleeping.” I offered to call back tomorrow, to which she said, “Oh, you gotta go? Sounds like you’re busy.” I said, “No, I’m free let’s talk for 10 min.” I asked where she’d been, and she said she was with friends and family. I asked what she was up to the next day. She said she was going on vacation. When I asked where to, she said, “just kidding!” She then said she was getting fat. When I said no she isn’t, she said, “but you haven’t seen me in months.” She then said, “I hope you have a good life.” I replied, “I hope you have the best life.” She said “L-o-l.” I said, “ok have a nice rest.” She said “bye.” I said “goodnight.” She said, “no, goodbye forever.” I didn’t say anything and she then said, “why aren’t you hanging up?” I said, “ok bye.”

It’s been several weeks now. She didn’t acknowledge my birthday text (or the gift card I sent to her.) I can’t help but to feel this my fault. I have no idea what to do. This girl is on my mind all the time— I’m worried about her.

If anybody has advice, please help. Thank you!

Barring extreme situations like violence, serious abuse, etc..

I had a beautiful, lasting friendship with someone for 5 years. We were so close, would tell each other that we’re our ride-or-dies. Shared so many triumphs and tribulations together. Overcame so much together.

One day, we got into a spat… Over text. I hate having serious conversations over text, but she refused my requests to talk about this in person. I owned up to what I did — which was really not that bad — but I told her that it wasn’t OK for her to treat me as she does when she’s upset. Feelings can be valid, but that doesn’t justify a nasty, sarcastic tone or being unkind. So I asked her to apologize. In response, she just asked for a bit of space. I haven’t heard from her in over a year.

It hurts bad. It’s made me realize I’d never cut someone else off like this. In fact, I never have. My solution is to talk it out, strive for mutual understanding, apologize, do what needs to be done to make it work. I don’t run away like a coward. I don’t have a “screw you” mentality - I wouldn’t dream of saying “screw you” to anyone or even think it. My arms are always open. I will always accept reconciliation. To cut someone else off, because of a single bad day? You might think you’re tough, you might think you’re “self-affirming,” but you’re deluded. Maybe it’s not all your fault, maybe you’re scarred and have avoidant attachment issues. It’s going to mean you’re alone in the end, because no relationship is perfect. But the truly courageous path is that of kindness, and grace, and compassion. I feel for people who stubbornly refuse to see that.

I'm struggling lately with a friend. Honestly I've chalked it up to a lost friendship already, but just lately I've come to realize that what I'm feeling is resentment.

And the hardest part of it all is that I keep feeling righteous about it, and it makes me sad that I feel this way.

Because I'm sure that's not the truth, I'm also at fault for not communicating my feelings. I could make up excuses to why I haven't done it, that I'm very slow to process my emotions and lose the timing to say: "hey, that actually hurt me even though when it happened I said it didn't."

But it's not my friend's fault that I didn't do my part of telling her what bothers me. There's a firm voice in my head that tells me that she knows and that she doesn't care.

One example:

We're roommates and I traveled to my hometown for a couple of weeks. She told me her brother was coming over and asked if he could sleep in my bed. I said of course he could. I organized my stuff so he would have space to put his things, left my work desk empty because I knew he worked from home and could use the space. He was still going to be over by the time I got back, I was getting back at 11am, from a red eye flight.

Since I got on the flight I was texting my friend my whereabouts, so she would know exactly when I would arrive. She answered my texts, so I knew she knew when I was getting back.

When I got home the entire house was a mess, but that was kinda expected even if surprising by the wreck it was, her brother was still in my bedroom, my shoe rack had fallen over and all my shoes were strewn on the floor. The sheets on my bed wasn't changed - her brother had just woken up when I walked in. It was such a tiring flight overall and I had to clean my room and pick up my stuff before I could even lay down to rest. I felt so sad at that time, like I was worth absolutely nothing to her.

And here's where my righteousness comes in: I feel like it's a given to borrow a room and give it back in the same condition it was. (A bit more context: this was my first long trip in two years living together. She travels a lot, though. And every time she arrives I make sure the house is clean, sometimes I even asked her she wanted me to change her bedsheets because her pets got their fur all over it.)

I know it's still something I *SHOULD* have talked to her about. I was so hurt by it that I've decided by myself that she didn't do it intentionally, that she just didn't care about it as much as I did because I'm too sensitive and uptight. I blamed myself and now I feel resentment towards her. I know rationally that it's not her fault that I failed to communicate throughout our friendship, but it's so hard do shake up the feeling that she could have done more for
me.

I feel like I don't want to try to fix our relationship, I'm so detached from her lately and I'm planning on moving out soon. I've told her that but kept my motives secret. I still feel this immense fondness towards her, but right now my anger is so raw that I can't even begin to be charitable to her anymore. I feel annoyed by her presence and that makes me feel like such a mean person. I feel like I should try to fix this, but this feeling of righteousness makes me think I'm being a pushover by granting her any grace whatsoever.

Have you guys ever dealt with something like this?

This situation has literally been killing me forever because I can’t tell anyone about this and idk what to do so I decided to post it here to hear what others think about it.

My best friend(straight female) and I(straight female) met around 2 years ago. At first we weren’t that close but after sharing our personal life with each other, we became each other’s bestfriend. We became so close that we would tell each other everything, always hug each other, hold hands, and even sleep on call every night.

I think it was obvious that there was already something happening between us. It got to the point where we would call each other “baby”(not in a joking way), cuddle with each other, have “I love you more” fights, and even make out with each other often. It got to a point where we would be naked with each other on bed but we never touched each other down there…

No one knows that we did all these stuff but our friends got suspicious about us being a thing because we were always so clingy to each other. We never talked about being “together” and it was really a blur line of where our relationship was. We would just keep testing each other on how far we would be willing to go and where our boundaries were. Plus we never had any romantic relationships before each other and we would always say we’re just each other’s “bestest friend.”

Even though we were doing all these, we still had a very deep personal and emotional connection with each other. We would always share things that we never told anyone else and we would always be there for each other whenever we needed a shoulder to cry on.

However, this all changed because we both finally acknowledged that what we were doing was wrong so we distanced ourselves from each other(or at least tried to). I was ofcourse hurt and cried a lot. We were still friends but sometimes we would still do some stuff because we couldn’t help it. We still talked a lot and it was like nothing happened.

That was a year ago. It was slowly shifting though and we were growing apart. We started to go with our different friends also stopped doing whatever we were doing. We didn’t really talk a lot anymore even though I tried to. Idk I felt like she was ignoring me because she would just look away when we passed by each other which was so weird because she would still talk to me casually whenever we hung out with our mutual friends. She would even like my tiktok reposts about her which were clearly for her. We stopped chatting eventually but idk I don’t rly understand if we’re really friends.

Recently, I chatted to her again(we had to do smth for our mutual friend) after how many months of not talking but she took a whole day to reply even though I know that she’s alwaysss on her phone and replies the fastest. We were talking casually but in the end she left me on read without finishing the conversation. I know she’s online too because she would always chat in the gc with our mutual friends. After that, we saw each other but like we were talking so idk why she ignored my text to her.

Some people(including me) have also noticed that she has been getting super close with this one girl for quite some time and they’re so touchy and clingy with each other like we were. Honestly, I still wish that I was still close to her because she really was my bestfriend at the end of the day. I still consider her as my friend because she really understood me and cared for me more than anyone. She was there for me when I needed her the most. I just want that friendship back with her and I regret ruining it by doing what we did.

Im sorry for making this so long and thank you so much if you read this far. Please share what you think what because I want your opinion and thoughts on this.

i was just wondering to what extent y'all go to regarding social media, digital communication, etc. when it comes to friends you're actively cutting off or just don't vibe with anymore.
do you remove them from your socials? stop sharing your location with them? just start ignoring them if they reach out? anything else?

What gets me is that YOU initiated the friendship. I didn’t ask you to add my birthday to your calendar, to text me most of the day every day, to invite me to your private Spotify playlists, to tell me about your personal life, to tell me you want to help me in grad school, to drunk text me thanking me for being such a good friend. You reached out to me in the first place. You could’ve just left me the hell alone. YOU did all those things. My bad for thinking we were friends because you TOLD me we were.

So when you disappear without a trace, of course I’m going to try to reach out to you. To see what’s going on, to apologize for whatever I did wrong. I panicked after realizing you probably weren’t going to respond. I sent too many messages. I embarrassed myself, I made myself look desperate. And yes, my last message to you, after over a month of silence, was harsh and mean, but it’s because I realized that a “friend” who can’t even manage bare minimum communication is not a friend who deserves any place in my life at all. I was going through one of the worst periods in my life, and you dropped me without a word.

You communicated nothing. You blocked me after I told you how hurtful your silence was. You made me feel crazy. Did I imagine the whole thing? Did you ever actually care? You made me feel crazy. I feel crazy.

I’ll never know what happened or how you feel about me now.

I don’t know if you’re intentionally cruel or just so emotionally immature that you can’t manage even a single difficult conversation. Either way, this has crushed any respect or positive opinion I had of you.

You’re a coward. You’re spineless. You have no idea how much what you did hurt me. How much it still hurts me, even now. You’re immature. You told me once that you struggled with communication and emotional expression and that many of your previous relationships failed because of it, and I regret not taking that as a warning and leaving. When people tell you who they are, believe them.

I’m looking for honest opinions, not validation. I also want to acknowledge that this is only my perspective, and I don’t know what was going through my friend’s mind. If you think I handled parts of this poorly, please tell me.
For privacy, I’ll call us A (me), B (my friend), and C (the guy).
A and B were close friends for about six years. During high school, I told B that I’d liked C for years. It wasn’t a secret, and she knew how important he was to me emotionally.
One day, B sent C a friend request. They started talking, and within about two weeks he asked her to be his girlfriend.
Before saying yes, she messaged me asking if she should accept. Looking back, I don’t think I was in a position where I could genuinely say no. I wanted to be a good friend, but I also felt completely heartbroken.
That situation affected me much more deeply than I expected. It wasn’t only about losing someone I liked. It felt like I had also lost my closest friend. My mental health deteriorated over the following months. I developed panic attacks, struggled with body image, started emotionally eating, isolated myself, and my academics suffered badly. I eventually went to therapy.
Months later they broke up. Part of the reason was that she was uncomfortable in the relationship, but she also told him that I would never accept their relationship because I’d liked him for years. He then contacted me briefly and immediately blocked me. I hadn’t asked to be involved, so that reopened a wound I had been trying to heal.
After some time, my friend and I reconciled. We cried, hugged, and eventually became roommates.
During that period, I cared about her a lot. I cooked for us, packed meals, cleaned the apartment, helped with university work, and genuinely enjoyed doing things for people I loved. Looking back, I also realize I tended to over-give and had very poor boundaries.
Later she started dating another mutual friend. I was actually happy for them. Another friend and I even helped plan one of their early dates because we wanted them to have a special memory.
Not long afterward, she moved out, saying the commute to work was difficult. Later I realized she had moved into the same place where her boyfriend lived. What hurt wasn’t that she moved. It was feeling like she hadn’t been completely honest with me.
Over time, we drifted apart. We rarely met anymore, even when we lived relatively close. I stopped reaching out as much because it felt like I was always the one trying.
Eventually, I had to move back home due to circumstances outside my control. I didn’t tell her until after I had already returned because, by then, I didn’t feel emotionally safe sharing vulnerable parts of my life with her anymore.
Recently I noticed she had removed and unfollowed me on social media. Oddly, I wasn’t devastated. It felt like confirmation that the friendship had truly ended.
Since then I’ve spent a lot of time in therapy and journaling. I’m genuinely doing much better now. My confidence has improved, my academics are back on track, and I’ve learned healthier boundaries. I don’t want the friendship back.
What I still struggle with is understanding what actually happened.
Was this friendship unhealthy from both sides?
Did I over-invest emotionally and create an imbalance?
Was she emotionally insensitive, or am I viewing everything through the lens of my own hurt?
If you were in either person’s position, how would you see this?
I’m genuinely looking for perspectives, especially from people who have experienced friendship breakups. Please be kind, but don’t hesitate to be honest.

Basically long story short me and this friend has sex, which caused them to be incredibly uncomfortable, which caused us to have a long conversation about intimacy, they eventually said that we had to end the friendship and we did, it was sad and even when we were saying goodbye they were almost in tears

About 30 minutes later I sent them a long message telling them of what they meant to me, they hit me up saying the same , and then say to me that they would like to still have me in their life that if I needed anything I can just message them, that they need to step back now but hopes that we can be friends again, how much time should I give them

I was thinking a month, cause I like them and value their friendship but I don't know how much time is enough time to let someone go through their own traumas?

So I was an extrovert person. Completed college 5 years ago. But I stopped being in touch with anyone from college. I Simply ignored calls without returning it due to my personal issues. Family toxicity etc.

Initially 2 person invited me to their wedding on WhatsApp group. I didn't go. After few years later I realised most of them are already married and I didn't know. with some of them I used to be close friend and good going during college. Now I saw their pictures attending wedding. Going out on picnic, outing etc. Almost full members on group and pictures are on social media every year.

So maybe they just assumed I am rude person and stopped inviting me to meetup or they just think I am changed and got new friends or its just that that they forgot about me.

It doesn't concern me but I just feel left out.

My best friend and I had been friends since 2010, so for about 16 years. Since 2022, we've been living in different countries, but we still texted each other every day until the summer of 2025.

Then something changed. She slowly started texting less and less, and whenever I asked her questions like, "What's new?" or "How are you doing?" she never really answered. Her replies were vague, and she never asked about me. Eventually, I realized I was always the one texting first and always the one calling.

The last message she sent me was on my birthday in November.

I decided to stop reaching out because I thought that if I gave her space, she would eventually text me first. But seven months passed, and I never heard a single word from her.

Waiting, hoping, asking, and never getting an answer became emotionally exhausting. My heart couldn't take it anymore.

So on July 1st, which is her birthday, I sent her this message:

«Hi! Happy 30th birthday! I wish you all the very best and hope your life is filled with as many happy moments and as much positivity as possible.

But... this will probably be my last message to you.

It hurts so much, and it's heartbreaking to lose a friendship that has lasted more than 15 years. But when only one person is constantly trying to keep the relationship alive while the other does nothing, it becomes exhausting over time.

I kept waiting to hear from you. I was always the one to text first and ask how you were doing. I kept telling myself that you probably just had a lot going on, which was why you weren't replying. But when seven months passed without a single word from you, I realized that I had apparently just stopped existing in your life.

It hurt me deeply. I cried a lot, and it took me a long time to accept it, but I realized it was time to let go. I don't want to keep tormenting myself with these feelings or continue holding on to a friendship that I'm trying to preserve on my own.

I sincerely wish you all the very best in life. And if one day you decide to write to me, I'll always be happy to hear from you. But from my side, I won't keep holding on anymore, and I'm ready to let go of everything I've invested so much of myself in over all these years.

Thank you for a friendship that lasted more than 15 years. Despite everything, I will always remember it with warmth.

Be happy.»

Her only reply was:

«Thank you, and I wish you all the best too.»

That response shocked me so much that I'm still crying.

So, am I the jerk for ending this friendship?