r/lostafriend

My friend and I have very differing views on certain things and although very similar were very different. There views are very firm and most outside much of the firm core of what they believe or think is incorrect. I have been accused of saying things i didn’t say once and texted something not very nice. I payed it no mind but decided to stay friends, even after being disrespected.
Something happened a second time and after many months of walking on shells and being very careful not to say certain things, I called them out on something fiercely offensive to me as a human being and it was a fight via text but I was the issue for standing up for myself. I ignored there call that night and said ill call later.
The next day they messaged me and said II owed them an apology and i was like what about this and the other. It was a back and forth and they pretty much said bye and didn’t hear anything i said and iI said you know i wasn’t wrong for how i felt but i hope we can work things out.
To be honest i think things are over and it makes me sad but it seems really toxic to me. I don’t think making up would be healthy and I have nothing to apologize for. Do I message one last clarifying message of how i truly feel about things and clarify my stance on the reality of things ,or tastefully exit stage left and then block?

Thanis🙏🏻

When it comes to friendship, I always think about this one idea I kept seeing on Instagram: if a plant's already dead, then stop watering it (or something like that).

My friend and I have been friends for the past 7 years.

But lately I've noticed that are dynamic for the past two years has been always centered on me reaching out for everything. For example, I'm the one always calling to catch up, texting, making plans, etc. Even on my own birthday, I'm the one arranging for us to get together.

I understand some may say, "oh people just suck at making plans and taking lead on those things", but my friend is actively making plans with other people.

I've already voiced this concern twice, and they said that they'll try to keep me in the loop, but this week, I finally reached my breaking point. They just came back from vacation, and I had asked them before to make plans before they leave so we can do things after they come back, which they responded that they were busy and couldn't make plans. Makes sense.

We call today (i initiated), and I ask if they wanna make plans, and lo and behold, they have plans every single day with random people they barely know.

It seems like I'm far more invested, so I ended the friendship during the call (realizing that my firend either conciously or subconciously is phasing me out). Am I being too dramatic?

EDIT: I ended the friendship. Realized that I was supporting her through everything (her bf cheating on her, breaking up with her, cheating on her again), only for her to slowly ghost me coz I don’t like to go out.

I just need to vent this somewhere because I spent most of the day sitting in my kitchen crying and overthinking and I feel I genuinely can’t breathe.

I’ve been a single mom since my daughter Ainsley (f8) was born. Her biological dad has never been in the picture, so it has always just been the two of us. But six years ago, my best friend Olive (f29) moved into our apartment complex, and her and Ainsley became inseparable. Over the years, she became family even more than she already was. She was there for every birthday, helped me pick my daughter up from school when I had to work late, and was the best coparent in every way that mattered. My daughter loves her just as much as she loves me.

Last week, we got into an argument over her boyfriend who I have NEVER liked. He is creepy, arrogant, inconsiderate, and honestly someone I’ve been trying to shield my daughter from. I have been expressing my wishes for a long time to not have him around while I am not home and for the most part, she has always respected my wishes. Last week, however, she decided to bring him over without my permission or any notice while watching my daughter, and he was there for hours which I would have never known if Ainsley had never informed me. I sat her down after getting back from work and was trying to explain why this upset me, and after she got upset with me for one of the first times since we became friends. Long story short, she ended up storming out and I left it alone because I felt giving her time was best. I thought she would get over it but I was wrong.

Instead, she showed up while I was at work yesterday, used her spare key, and packed up every single thing she owned from our place. She left her key on the counter with a note saying she is "done being taken for granted" and that she needs to focus on her own life now. She blocked my number, blocked me on social media, and completely disappeared. Six years of building a life together, completely erased over a disagreement.

I am so angry, hurt, and a whole lot of other feelings I can’t explain but what hurts the most is my daughter. She kept asking tonight why Olive’s pictures were gone and when she was coming over to watch movies. I had to sit there and lie to my kid because how do I explain to a child that someone who helped raise her just abandoned her?!

I feel so incredibly guilty for letting someone get that close to my kid just for them to pull the rug out from under us. I’ve been taking it very slow letting people into our lives and dating again just because of how the bio father of my daughter decided not to be in her life. I’m exhausted and heartbroken and I don’t know how to move forward.

Please share your experience!

I don’t even know if this counts as a breakup because technically, we were never really together.

For almost 4 years, this man was my best friend. We talked almost every day, shared everything, stayed through difficult moments, and became emotionally attached in a way that honestly blurred every line possible. We called each other “bffs,” but deep down I think both of us knew it stopped being just friendship a long time ago.

The problem was… it never fully became anything either.

There were feelings, affection, emotional intimacy, jealousy, mixed signals, late-night conversations, and moments that felt too deep to just be platonic. We became physically intimate too, which only made the attachment stronger and the boundaries even more confusing. It felt like we were emotionally and physically committed to each other without ever truly defining what we were.

And somehow, that kind of connection can hurt more because you keep holding onto the possibility that maybe one day it’ll finally become real.

But there was also inconsistency, uncertainty, and this constant feeling that we were stuck in between friendship and something more.

Recently, we finally had closure. He admitted things honestly, and for the first time I realized that continuing this connection was hurting me more than helping me.

The painful part is that he wanted to stay in my life. He wanted us to remain close. But I realized I couldn’t do it anymore because I loved him too much to peacefully watch him eventually love or choose someone else.

I couldn’t keep pretending I was okay with “just friendship” when my feelings clearly went beyond that. I think staying would’ve slowly destroyed me emotionally.

So I left.

And now I feel like I lost both a potential lover and my best friend at the same time.

That’s the part nobody talks about enough. Sometimes the grief isn’t just romantic heartbreak — it’s mourning the person who used to feel like home to you.

Part of me wishes we never crossed the line emotionally and physically because maybe we could’ve preserved the friendship. But another part of me knows that after years of unresolved feelings, intimacy, and emotional dependency, there was no real way to go back to being “just friends.”

I know leaving was the right decision for my peace, but it still hurts so much.

Has anyone else gone through this? Losing your best friend because the relationship became too emotionally complicated to survive?

Idk if anyone will read this but there’s no one at all in my personal life I can talk to about this. I
(25F) am “straight” but when I was 14 I was in a friendship with a girl which quickly became a homoerotic situation it was terrible. she was my first kiss first everything we weren’t in a relationship but acted like we were when we were alone it got very toxic and was painful and tapered off eventually.

Other than that I’ve only had feelings for men, been with men if anything I’d say I’m bi but honestly I’m much older now and left that experience so far in the past I thought I’d moved on, other than a few female celebs that I’d think were attractive I hadn’t experienced anything else I’ve just said I’m straight.

Well I’ve had this friendship with a woman (24F) and we’ve been friends for 4 years and have gotten very close the last 2 and are best friends. Over past 6 months we’ve both gone through a lot and we both started leaning on each other in deeper ways she also identifies as straight but in her early teen years had many experiences with women as well. We’re both in long term relationships with men which makes this all the more problematic. There’s been some betrayal lately which is part of the getting closer to each other lately.

I am shocked completely by what I’ve been feeling and it sucks so bad. We are together all the time and have a completely different relationship when we are alone vs. with others we sleepover a lot and cuddle and rub her under clothes. She leans into this heavily and tells me she likes when I touch her I play boyfriend to her in a way and enjoy it I know there’s no romantic feelings for her as far as I know I think she likes the attention and feeling good and is deeply bonded to me mainly. Overall I’m fine with that I’m right where I want to be, but i know it’s not good for me.

none of this is ever acknowledged out loud ever. We joke about being platonic soulmates and the second her man comes around she acts so different towards me and I follow suit and it’s basically this big elephant in the room. It’s so inconsistent and sometimes I feel crazy like oh that was just platonic as if I wasn’t just in her pants the night before. I’m honestly getting so depressed bc I’ve fallen for her but it literally can’t ever be I know i probably need to make distance but she’s my best friend and closer to me than anyone. I wish I knew what she was thinking. We get lesbian allegations since we’re together all the time and she acts so shocked bc “she isn’t gay” it’s wild bc we sure be acting gay. I wish I could just stop feeling this toward her I literally haven’t thought about a woman that way in over 10 years and don’t know how I ended up here and am afraid we are gonna crash and burn and I’m gonna lose another best friend due to the same scenario. I’m probably in Limerence (also I know we need to break up with these men regardless it’s all just so confusing rn)

As I said above I screwed up royally with a best friend of mine and I take full responsibility for it and she has accepted it …..but

I’m really really struggling with the shift in her dynamic (yes I know I caused it )

She’s asked for space which I gave her ….approx 3 weeks

Her messages are now very infrequent and flat .

She took me out for my birthday last night because she agreed to it before the big fight happened.

But it was quite uncomfortable to be honest - she has said she’s forgiven me but I hurt her deeply and I dont want to push the issue , but I’m an overthinker and it’s in overdrive at the moment

I used the 3 weeks to start to work on my issues and I can tell I’m making progress .

What I’m truly struggling with is her change and I’m in knots about the whole thing because I care so deeply for her and our friendship.

Any advice on how to approach things and essentially get her back (other than waiting and giving her space) because that’s what I’ve done and it’s not been good for my headspace

One year and a half ago I lost my first year uni friendgroup due to an incident involving misbehaviour from my part. I had an anger attack in front of them. It wasnt 100% my fault but I was triggered by another person. I guess they couldnt see that tho. It hurt so much I cried more about this than when my father died and it hurts so much that these friendships broke because of my fault.

What hurts me the most is that the average uni experience is peak friendship experiences and I threw it away. I didnt get the normal uni expefience because of this.

Now I have one year left to leave college and I feel so alone. I screwed my uni experience up and I cant forgive myself. I fuined everything.

Not only this. I study animation and I am afraid this could ruin my network. I wanted to be a recognized creator in my area but i am scared to show myself and that people could hate me since I've felt some people drift away since that happened. I had everything I wanted. A loving community. I was loved and respected by my ex friends. I was looked up to.

Anyways I fucked up and I dont know how to move on since this left me traumatized.

Now I am starting to see a new group but it still shocks me that I couldn't get to live this peak moment in my life and ruined it because of my misbehaviour.

thanks for reading.

I’ve been on a friendship hiatus for almost 2 months, and only reconnected last Mother’s Day just to respond to greetings and be polite. Conversations have mostly been small talk and honestly don’t feel sustainable.

I’ve been thinking about reaching out again, but I don’t want the other person to think everything is back to normal. I already know things won’t really be the same anymore.

I’ve chosen not to fully cut things off since our families are still connected, but I do want to keep it low-contact. What's the best approach to this?

I had a friend who was incredibly supportive and became one of my closest friends.

One of the things I valued most about our friendship was that we could simply spend time together without needing to talk. We could each do our own thing in comfortable silence. They were calm, stable, and felt very safe to be around, which meant a great deal to me because my nervous system has felt constantly activated since experiencing recent trauma.

A few months into the friendship, they told me they had developed feelings for me. That was not a problem in itself. I explained that I was not interested in pursuing a relationship with anyone at the time, but that I was happy to continue the friendship as long as we handled the situation maturely. For a while, that seemed to work.

Over time, however, the dynamic began to change.

They started checking in with me every day, sending me daily riddles, and wanting to spend a lot more time together. None of these things were inherently bad, and I genuinely enjoyed many of our interactions. However, I become socially exhausted quite easily, and the increased level of contact was more than I could sustain. Because I cared deeply about the friendship, I continued to invest my energy and tried to reciprocate.

In hindsight, I probably should have spoken up sooner.

At first, although the dynamic felt intense, it was still manageable. Then life became overwhelming. For about a month, it felt each week piled more and more on, conflict with friends, helping struggling friends, increased pressure at work, health concerns, and even people close to me being involved in car accidents.

Eventually, I no longer had the emotional capacity to keep up. I began to withdraw and asked for some space. I set boundaries to protect my own wellbeing. They seemed hurt, but said they understood.

Unfortunately, this led to a painful cycle.

Whenever I regained a little energy and attempted to reconnect, I was met with a large amount of attention and requests to spend time together. Feeling overwhelmed, I would retreat again, and each time I sensed disappointment from them.

During this period, they also appeared to be going through a very difficult time themselves. I believe some of their distress may have been related to our changing dynamic, but it was clear they were dealing with significant struggles of their own. I think they were seeking time with friends to regualte. I did my best to support them, checking in with them, trying to keep their weeks as consistent as possible with maintaining commitments within friend groups (they are autistic, I thought maybe promoting routine events as much as possible would help), but I had very little energy left even to care for myself.

Eventually, I had to set firmer boundaries. I explained that I did not have the capacity for the daily riddles or regular gaming sessions for a while.

They continued to push against those boundaries. I restated them several times, but the requests continued, and they began monitoring where I was and what I was doing rather than giving me the space I had asked for.

In the end, I told them clearly and directly that they needed to step back, and that I did not want to have to repeat myself.

They have not spoken to me since. They left me on read, and it has been radio silent.

Now I find myself grieving the loss of the friendship and feeling completely burnt out. Over the last four days, I have slept for nearly eighteen hours, taken time off work and still feel utterly drained. To make matters worse, I worry that our mutual friends may have taken their side, and that I may have lost those relationships as well. They have become completely silent and withdrawn from me.

I never shouted or became angry. I do not believe I was cruel. I said: "I've been as clear as I can with my boundaries, and asked you to respect them in a conversation earlier this week. We are still friends, but this is stressing me the hell out, and I'm not asking you again."

Perhaps I was more blunt than I intended. I have been told that I can sometimes sound direct when I am overwhelmed. If that happened, it was not meant to be hurtful, I just wanted to be firm.

Since then, I have withdrawn completely, and none of that friend group has reached out. Part of me hopes they are simply respecting my need for space because they know how overwhelmed I have been.

But another part of me fears that something has been said about me that is untrue, and that people I care about have chosen to distance themselves from me.

It hurts.

I have experienced abuse in the past, and having my boundaries pushed, followed by what feels like punishment for enforcing them, touches a very painful wound. More than anything, I feel exhausted, heartbroken, and, in some ways, betrayed.

I hope I'm wrong about things, and that things can be repaired.

I messed up in a university group project and pissed someone off. The whole time we’d not taken that project seriously and I thought no one cared about it but it turned out she did. She lashed out as a result. I apologised to the other 3 people involved in the project but this girl’s reaction took me so aback that I couldn’t bring myself to sending an apology message.

Weeks have passed and she’s still angry at me. Other people in the group have apologised to her and she’s cool with them, I think she expected me to do the same, but I’m torn between knowing she’s right and I messed up, and thinking lashing out is never justified (I’ve apologised to people in the past for exploding like that even if I was right).

Advice: apologise or not?

Context:

I’ve known this girl from my town for a long time. We played sports together when we were kids and we knew each other but weren’t close. I didn’t see her again until college freshman year. We reconnected and ended up becoming best friends and she was one of the closest friends I’ve ever had. I think she had some anxiety and some insecurities when it came to our relationship but it never got in the way of anything, she was just a bit stubborn. Fast forward to junior year of college, we end up moving in together with two other girls, one of those girls being her life long best friend. They would butt heads too. She ended up getting a boyfriend junior year who was not the best guy. He was a bit toxic towards her and they were on again/off again. I didn’t like him very much, but her best friend really really didn’t like him. There were times when she would choose her bf over us and it hurt. We would argue about it all the time and it really strained our relationship. I ended up becoming really close with her best friend that I lived with while this was all happening and things were not great between us because of this. This also led to her becoming really close with some of my friends (with whom she would talk about me and the other girl with and it made me really uncomfortable and mad). I definitely did things that were not right as did she.

It’s been 2 years and I’m still really close with her best friend and she lives in another city with this bf. I have made my peace with the entire situation but I feel like I should reach out to her. I don’t really know what to say but I think I would just like to reach out and say hello after all this time. I just feel like it would be wrong to just keep having this looming over us. I’m conflicted because her ex-best friend has really drawn the line in the sand since this friend blocked her on everything. There’s so much more depth to their relationship that I probably will never understand.

Any advice would be great! ❤️

Ran into my ex best friend of four years after six months of no contact that was discussed and agreed upon but with no time discussed on it. Next day I messaged to say i was still interested in reconciling and was glad to run into him. This was his response and even though i have my final closure now it still really hurts and I dont think stopping to speak instead of ignoring violated any boundaries plus at some point after time and space I wanted to know if there was any chance of being friends again. How would others feel afterwards to get this repsonse? Im relieved to have a “final answer” but still hurts like hell.

“While you say you wanted to respect the distance and boundaries I asked for, you actively came up to speak to me. While i appreciate the sentiment and im glad that it led to some growth for you, it also led to some growth for me. Ive since mourned you and what our friendship was. Ive taken it for all the good, the bad, and the ugly. Once I am done, that is it, I’m not interested in revisiting anything with you however i’ll always cherish what you were to me and how you were there for me, i dont speak poor of you to others, just that we sorta fell off. I hope your able to find the peace that I have with this but please don’t misconstrue that any of that came lightly”

So last night I(33,M) met my closest friend (33,F) we were in a party I pulled her to share this news with her, her reaction was weird, she just said congratulations and then there was a silence, I thought that is because she is a bit drunk and I felt I will spill the beans, the details about expected date etc some other day over a coffee or a dinner soon.
This morning I was doom scrolling on instagram and like every day as we both do, I wanted to share something funny with her, just to find out I am blocked, on instagram, on whatsapp, everyhwere... Shocked, and in grief, specially since we always talked how we will grow old together.
A bit of context, we matched on Tinder 5 years ago, we exchanged numbers, however we never went on a date as she ghosted me after exchanging numbers, in the next few days I had a tinder date and I started dating this another girl, she texted back after about 3 weeks I told her I am dating someone she said lets meet as friends, we met as friends and since then became closest friends.
Over the next years we discussed everything, over respective dates, relationships, profesisonal lifes etc, it was always platonic.
about 2.5 years ago she met her current partner, and a few months later I met mine, she lied to her partner that we met through common friends when we met through tinder because she was afraid her partner would be against the friendship.
She is my closest friend in France, I moved here from abroad, and I just feel a big void and feels unreal all this.
Waht should I do ?
Edit 1: all these years she never wanted babies, she did not want children of her own, she felt it is too expensive to have babies and she doesnt think she can never felt there is a reason to have babies. however last year she told me she is opening up to idea and she may try from later this year 2026 to have babies as well, but she needs to think more about it, she is not totally convinced.

Also, her current partner, lied to her that he has a little month old baby when they started dating and only told her after three months when she was already in love with him, he never wanted a baby with this other woman apparently who he was just hooking up with. Anyway with her, he says he would like to have a baby and is trying to convince her to have a baby.
Also she knew from 8 months we will be trying for a baby with my partner.

Edit 2 : Growing old meaning as when we get old we will have vacations together with our partners, if we both have kids one day we will make them friends. Completely platonic.
Also my partner knows everything about it.

I saw a reel once where someone said:

“People who have no friends usually have a reason. There’s probably something wrong with them.”

At first, I ignored it.

But lately, I can’t stop thinking about it.

Since 7th grade, I only had two close friends. And honestly, our group was pretty popular in school. People knew us. People talked to us. It’s not like I was invisible or incapable of making friends.

I just never felt the need to let other people into my space.

I genuinely believed the three of us would always stay together, so I never really tried building deep friendships with anyone else. I thought I already had my people.

Then class 11th happened.

In class 11th, I experienced my first relationship breakup and my first friendship breakup at the same time.

I got betrayed by love for the first time.

And when I needed my friend the most, she abandoned me too.

I had gotten into a relationship in 10th grade, and when we broke up in 11th, it was messy. That’s when everything started changing.

One of my closest friends stayed friends with my ex after the breakup. I told her it hurt me. I explained that things between me and him ended badly and I wasn’t comfortable with them staying close.

But she said:

“He never did anything wrong to me.”

“We’re just friends.”

Eventually, I cut her off.

Later, I found out they started dating.

And I don’t think people understand what that kind of pain does to someone.

Losing a relationship hurts.

But losing your best friend during that same heartbreak changes something inside you.

It felt like I lost two people at once.

The person I loved.

And the person I thought would stay beside me while I healed.

After that, me and my other friend became even closer because now it felt like we only had each other left. And honestly? I thought that was enough. I didn’t need a hundred friends. I just needed one person who would stay loyal.

But then she betrayed me too.

The whole story about that is already on my Reddit page if anyone wants the full context.

And I think that’s the part nobody understands.

People say:

“If someone has no friends, there must be something wrong with them.”

But what if the reason someone has nobody left is because the few people they trusted broke them enough to stop opening up to others?

I never really let people into my life.

Not because I hated people.

Not because I thought I was better than anyone.

I just thought I already had genuine friendships.

So I never searched for more.

And now the same people I trusted the most are the reason I have nobody left.

That’s what hurts.

Not the loneliness itself.

But realizing the people you built your entire comfort around didn’t even think twice before doing things that would destroy you emotionally.

So tell me honestly—

Am I really wrong for expecting loyalty from the people I considered my best friends?

Should I have just accepted everything quietly and stayed?

Or do people nowadays simply not value friendships the same way anymore?

Because at this point, I genuinely don’t know if I’m too emotional, too attached, or just surrounded by the wrong people.

I haven’t talked to my first best friend in almost three years now, and somehow I learned how to live with that loss. But I think the only reason I could move on back then was because I still had someone beside me. I still had my other best friend, so even after losing one person, I never truly felt alone.

But now it’s been months since I’ve talked to her too, and this time the silence feels heavier.

It’s not like I have absolutely nobody. I do have people I can talk to. But there’s a difference between talking to people and feeling understood by someone who actually knows how much a person meant

Sometimes I turn my pain into anger and say harsh things about her, because being angry feels easier than accepting that I still grieve someone who hurt me.

But the real grief behind it — the attachment, the comfort, the emotional dependence, the emptiness she left in my life — I never truly talk about that part with anyone.

Because I don’t think anyone around me fully understands what she was to me.

And maybe that’s why this friendship breakup hurts differently from the first one. Back then, I lost a person. This time, it feels like I lost the last place where I felt emotionally safe.

And I think that’s the part nobody understands.

I really want honest opinions.

idk man, i keep going back and forth on this.

so basically i had this really tight friend group in uni, me and 3 other dudes. let's call them Karan, Rohan, and Sam. we were together literally every single day for 2.5 years. like... that kind of closeness where you don't even need to explain things anymore right? certain standards just exist without being said out loud. at least that's what i thought.

last 6 months though... something shifted. there was this girl, let's call her Maya, and for reasons i still don't fully understand she started running a whole character assassination campaign against me. spreading narratives, accusations, just... stuff. and i stayed completely quiet the whole time. like didn't react, didn't retaliate, didn't start my own side of the drama, absolutely nothing. i'm not interested in that person or in that type of conflict. i just wanted peace.

and what genuinely shocked me.. it wasn't even Maya doing it tbh. it was watching my OWN closest friends become the audience for it. like they were carrying it around, relaying stuff back to me, and slowly... slowlyyy starting to look at me through THAT lens instead of using their own damn judgment after knowing me for years. like... you've known me for YEARS. years. and you're gonna let someone else's words paint over all of that? bro.

but it gets worse. one of them, Karan... he literally told me to apologize to Maya. apologize. to the girl running a smear campaign while i'm just silently ignoring everything because i don't want drama. i still can't wrap my head around that. like what exactly am i apologizing for?? existing?? not engaging in her circus?? the audacity honestly broke something inside me.

and you know what messes me up the most... i hate even thinking this, i literally hate writing it, but sometimes i wonder... was it because she's a girl? like did that... idk. mold them somehow? make them unable to stand up for the truth? i refuse to use that word, i'm not gonna frame them like that, but the thought still creeps in and i can't shake it. i hate it.

and then there's the contrast. random acquaintances man. people who had absolutely ZERO obligation to me. they'd step in sometimes. just naturally saw what was happening and tried to contribute. i never asked them to, never even hinted at it, they just... did it. because they saw something wrong and their conscience kicked in i guess. meanwhile my own friends of 2.5 years... silence. complete silence when it mattered most. like how do i even make sense of that. what does that say about everything we had.

at some point i realized... if things like loyalty and fairness and independent thinking and standing by your friend only exist until social pressure enters the room... then maybe those values were never actually.. there. in the first place. you know? like if i have to sit 3 grown men down and explain why they shouldn't let someone else build their perception of their own friend for them?? if i have to explain THAT... then the friendship is already finished. it's done. there's nothing left to save.

and i also didn't want some massive fallout where everybody starts pointing fingers and the whole group gets torn apart over it. so instead i just... slowly detached over time. stopped showing up as much, stopped reaching out, and eventually just... left. no big speech, no explanation.

they never really got an answer from me. and idk if that makes me mature or just a coward lol.

sometimes i wonder if quietly leaving was mature bc it avoided unnecessary drama... or if it was cowardly bc maybe close friends deserve to hear exactly why you stopped respecting them. like maybe Karan genuinely doesn't know how disgusting it felt when he told me to apologize to my own bully. maybe the rest of them don't realize they traded years of friendship for the comfort of being a quiet audience. or maybe they do know, and just didn't care enough to stop. idk. i feel like i'm going in circles.

has anyone else dealt with something like this? what would you have done...

So I had two friends Alex and Mike that I knew for about 10 years we met online playing video games and we had fun together for a long time. We were all from the old school internet mindset where you could basically say anything and no one would be offended or take it personally or anything like that. I was definitely the loudest and most abrasive of the group but like I said no one took it personally. Eventually Mike starts to get detached from the group as he’s more into D&D than traditional video games so me and Alex decide to start looking for someone else that we can hang with when Mike is unavailable. Eventually after some hunting in games we like and a little on Reddit we do find someone, let’s call him Zach.

Zach is a very sheltered person, he grew up with very strict religious parents and wasn’t really allowed on the internet until he was a teenager. He also went to private Christian schools where he was kind of a social outcast. So we start hanging out together and as we slowly get past the getting to know you small talk and I start to get more comfortable I act as I normally do and start cracking jokes and poking fun and just trying to have a good time. Zach takes anything I say that might be viewed as negative or harsh or hurtful super personally but keeps it bottled up and doesn’t say anything to me about it but in reality he’s miserable he doesn’t like me very much and isn’t having a good time and the entire time I’m totally oblivious. He views this 2 year stretch of our interactions as me actually bullying him when from my perspective all I did was say things that were on my mind and he chose to get offended by them and not tell me.

So instead of confronting me and being open and honest about his feelings he starts to purposely stick closer to Alex and prioritize playing games with him and him only because he claims it was the only way he could find joy. I start to take this personally after a while because me and Alex are so close and they are hanging out with each other more than I am hanging out with Alex or all 3 of us are hanging out together. It gets to the point where it’s like a secret club that only they are apart of and they act like little kids about it. Hiding shit and laughing about it. Alex is the owner of the Discord server we all use to chat in and at one point he makes a voice and text channel hidden from me and Mike just for him and Zach to use to play games without us. I find this out and I make a big deal about it but the entire time it’s almost like I’m being gaslit into believing it’s not as deep as it is and I’m making a big deal out of nothing so it was really hard for me to confront Zach about this and I couldn’t even do it face to face. Somehow one of us decided the best way for us to squash this beef would be to write down all the problems we have with each other in a text document and send it to each other and hash it out. We did it and Zach read mine but I didn’t have the courage to read his because I didn’t want to hear that my feelings weren’t valid because I can’t physically believe they aren’t. That decision even further harmed our relationship and I regret it. We move on from the beef after without ever really settling it.

A little while goes by and things are better for the time as we’re moving into the summer until randomly one day Zach sends a gift to both me and Mike for us to open on camera in the discord. We get in the call and we get on camera and the gift was just some candy or whatever but then Zach turns on his camera to reveal Alex in the background in the same room. Which is a big deal because this is a strictly online friendship and meeting up in person has only been talked about at this point as like a mystical what if and then they just do it on a random day without telling any of us. Once again I take this personally because at the time I don’t have my drivers license and I was only able to meet up with them late in their trip due to a timing miracle with my parents going on a trip of their own. I confronted them about this and Zach claims they didn’t invite me both in part because they were housesitting for Zach’s sister and he didn’t know how many people he could have over and also because Zach thought if I were to come I would physically attack him or just generally ruin the vibe in some way. To say this hurts me to find out is an understatement because it just feels so unwarranted. To me I feel like I never said or did anything extreme enough for him to think I would want to cause him actual bodily harm and it just shows the communication issues present from day one.

Again and again Alex and Zach keep doing really important things together without the rest of the group like getting a friendship tattoo (which they lied about the meaning of btw) and I’m just supposed to pretend like it doesn’t bother me because I’m not allowed to be mad about it because I will get told I deserve it for bullying him. Eventually I just can’t take it anymore. I tell Zach in a giant text document he needs to apologize to me for all of the conniving shit he’s done to me as I’ve apologized to him for all of the “bullying” I’ve done to him or else I’m never gonna be able to move on and I will leave the group. He responds with a text document of his own doubling down on his feelings and basically telling me to get fucked and everyone agrees with him and not me. At this point I just accept defeat because any hope of any of my friends having my back in this situation is completely gone so I tell him in another long winded message that I agree to move on but I do not agree with the sentiment that he is in the right in this situation.

He reads that message and just completely flips out and sends me a big giant “goodbye. It wasn’t nice knowing you” text and blocks me on everything. Leaving Alex in a position where he’s forced to pick between his friends. To make a long story short he chose Zach over me. And I’m really hurt by this because before Zach came along me and Alex were like brothers man like we were destined to be friends forever. We met when I was pretty young too so he had a giant influence on me and my life. It’s hard to see someone you love that much choose someone else over you. I’ve spent the time since we’ve split apart constantly thinking about it jumping between wanting to fix it and not wanting to because of how betrayed I feel. I know in my heart that I wouldn’t intentionally cause someone to feel pain like they claim I have and I know that if I was given a proper chance to apologize I would have but all they told me at the end is that it doesn’t matter now. I still bullied him. It doesn’t matter if you wanted to or not. But I feel like that’s bullshit. Does intent not matter? Can someone be truly guilty of the harm they caused if they weren’t even aware they were causing it? I’m not sure.

I’ve glazed over a lot of details because this post is really long so I will clarify if needed but I would like some insight. Am I in the wrong? Should I try to repair this relationship? Is it worth it? Do I deserve it? I don’t know. Thank you for reading.

I don't want to elaborate on why it's ending so openly, nor can I tell the closest friends I don't have.

They told me the news earlier today. I'm not sure how to describe what I'm now feeling. Its like my sensations are overwhelmed. Everything tastes gross, the lights are too bright, my favorite music hurts.

Now what? They are not replaceable. The experience is not replaceable. Everything sucks.

i had this online friend for 3 years. she kept ghosting me, so i wrote her an embarrassingly long text, about how i dont want to make any effort anymore, because it shouldnt take 30 seconds to shortly explain yourself when youre talking to others and constantly online. at the end i wrote that its fine if she isnt interested in talking to me anymore, since she probably doesnt need me, friendships drift apart and she has other friends, and that ill forever love her and said the reasons why i admire her blablabla, and then i blocked her. i then unblocked her, said sorry for doing that, and that i regret it and feel bad and that she doesnt have to forgive me, but then she blocked me. her ghosting me weighed on me, and i really wish she knew that. but i kept saying its fine, that shes not interesting in talking to me, which it is, but i dont want her to think that her ghosting me didnt hurt. i really want her to know, even though i know she may not care at all.

after she had blocked me i her on her other account, saying that it shows she didnt care to even text me at least a short message in a matter of months, and then i wrote its fine have a great life and blocked her since i got a bit upset and devestated.

i blocked and deleted her chat everywhere, so im not fully sure if i can ever text her again. i could also make a new account just to text her, which i would like to do but that all seems too desperate.

Today I ended my friendship with someone who I thought was my platonic soulmate. I've made previous posts asking for advice with ghosting and decided today I just cant let this slide. They immediately blocked me on social media after not speaking to me for weeks and leaving me on delivered. I had to send it via email, I never got their new number and didn't want to use social media to do it.

I feel like I just ripped part of my soul out. Writing that email was gutwrenching. But it had to be done. Why are we all being ghosted by our friends? Why cant we just communicate? The emotional immaturity is honestly embarrassing. I hope everyone doing the ghosting can grow up and realize its not better than saying "this isn't working out" or whatever the fuck. Use your words people, it will literally cost you people who genuinely love you and want the best for you.