Lost all of my friends - Never grieved so much in my life
Hello everyone,
Like the title says, I lost all of my friends. Well, my main group of friends, the ones I grew up with.
It was a very messy situation. I don't want to explain it all either, for personal reasons. But if I had to put it plainly, I had a massive connection with a friend, and we later realized that we had hurt each other in many ways throughout the years. After a year, after being better to each other, that friend started bringing that time in our lives again, and instead of acknowledging we had both done wrong, he started to talk in ways that made it seem I was the only person that had done wrong.
A month ago, I get blocked everywhere, without a conversation. All my other friends are informed by him of this matter. In the span of days, a lot of people people blocked me, and never gave me a chance to speak about anything. One of them saying they didn't want to hear my side because of things they saw.
This is the first time I ever felt so betrayed, hurt, excluded, in my whole life. Not even when people died I felt this pain, if I am allowed to be honest. I couldn't eat, thankfully I could sleep. But my closest friends, people I had grown up with, were all gone. None of them gave me a chance to speak, and left me to rot, in a way.
It's been some time now, and I do feel slightly better. I had built a self care routine before all of this happened, which is now barely non existent, but I am not crying everyday, nor having thoughts of vanishing the planet. I am slowly going back to my hobbies, but sometimes, these thoughts come to my mind. It's the first time ever I am dealing with such a heavy loss, which on top of it, also comes with the fact that they all hate me for something I thought was already in the past. Something I thought we had both learned from, and moved on.
But I also don't want this to define who I want to be and who I will be. I know that they have moved on, and it pains me to know they have, but I still somewhat haven't. I don't want them to have the satisfaction, or my main friend that caused all of this, to know that I am in the deep shit, mentally speaking. I trusted people so deeply, gave so much for people too, only for in the end, to get this. I am in my 20's, and this really hurts. But in a way, it's a big lesson for me as well.
If you have any thoughts on this situation, or any tips on how to deal with this, or even maybe similar experiences, I'd love to hear them.
Thank you for reading this.