r/relationship_advice

My boyfriend has been staying at my apartment for 2 weeks, and I am slowly going crazy.

First of all the mess, he tries his best to clean but we have different standards for what “clean” means, and on top of that he is the one that cooks so if something spills on the floor or gets stained he won’t clean it, he prefers to get a cleaner service once a week instead of cleaning himself. I can tell he is trying his best and I don’t want him to think I am a crazy cleaning freak, but I just love organized and clean places and cleaning his mess every time he does something is not an option.

Second, his eating habits…. He eats… a lot…. He is already overweight and he doesn’t care about his weight, but I do, we started dating 3 months ago, he told me he would lose weight and he did, but now that he is comfortable with me he is gaining weight again and he made me gain 4kg with the food he gives me… and he gets upset when I don’t eat all…. I have told him I want to lose that weight but just an hour ago he ordered a dozen donuts… I really do care about the way I look and my weight so I am starting to get depressed about it

Third, he doesn’t have a job, he doesn’t do anything at all except cooking and eating all day, he is a trader so he basically works one hour every day and call it a day, right now I am working remotely, but I have a normal job and have to be there for 6 hours, so our routine is, I wake up at 8 am, then he wakes up at 10 am, makes breakfast for both, he goes to sleep again until 1 pm, wakes up to make more food, then goes to bed to watch reels or do something in his phone and I finish work at 4 pm, then we watch movies together, we go out to walk or ride bikes or to the mall, but I feel like he could do more idk, it makes me a bit mad to see him just sleeping while I have to work.

Those are my main concerns, I don’t understand how can couples live happily together, I feel like I can’t… I am starting to wonder if I actually love him or not because this situation is constantly changing my mood.

Me 25M. Cant say anything more specific incase someone figures out whose account this is. My girlfriend is 21F.

I've been with my girlfriend for just under a year. She became pregnant during the first stages of our relationship, even though medical professionals had previously told me that it's extremely unlikely I'd be able to get someone pregnant.

When she told me she was pregnant, I moved to her city because I wanted to be there in case the baby is mine. Looking back, I think she may already have been showing concerning behaviour, but I didn't really notice at the time because I only saw her on weekends. I'm very career-focused, so we didn't spend every day together.

Since then, her behaviour has gone far beyond what I'd expect from normal pregnancy-related changes. She constantly lies, manipulates situations, and has caused problems between me and my friends.

One example that really shook me was when I confronted her after catching her in a lie. During the argument, she threatened to kill herself and the unborn baby (where past the stage where abortions are possible). She has also found to have drugs in her system while currently pregnant.

It's gotten to the point where I'm probably going to cut ties with her altogether. I don't even know if I want to find out whether the baby is mine because the situation has become so bad.

I (24f) have been dating my bf (25m) for a month now. I have a long history of picking abusive partners (not intentionally of course), so i’m doubting myself and unsure if this is love bombing or just a healthy emotionally mature man.

As I’ve said, we’ve been seeing each other for a month and he’s asked me to be his girlfriend last week. This is quite early for me but I’ve said yes.
He’s brought me flowers on our third date, he’s paid for and planned down to the last detail all of our dates. He helped me move to a new apartment as I had an unexpected problem with my last one, been texting me every day and calling multiple times a week. He has sent me cute but kinda cringe reels a couple times (things like “send this to the most beautiful girl you know to remind her to drink water” etc.)
I do like him a lot, but this is all a bit much for me, I feel like this is too fast and intense to where I’m l at in the relationship, but it’s also possible I’ve experienced way too much trauma in relationships and just don’t know how to handle it because of my emotional wounds.

Any advice and perspective will be very appreciated

My boyfriend (35M) and I (34F) have been together for 8 months. Recently we went on a trip with some of his longtime friends.

Whenever they get together, they drink a lot and usually stay up until sunrise. I normally hang out with them too, but my grandfather had passed away the day before, so I wasn't really in the mood and went to bed early.

Apparently, after everyone got very drunk, one of his closest friends (B., 35F) brought up something that happened years ago. Whatever she said really upset him.

Around 5 a.m., he came to bed, woke me up, and started telling me that B. had told a story from their past in a way that made him "the villain." He kept insisting (over and over) that he was not the villain and that he completely disagreed with her version of events.

What struck me wasn't just what he was saying, but how he was acting. His voice was breaking, and his tone was completely unlike him. The best way I can describe it is that he sounded almost like an upset child. I don't mean that as an insult, it was just so out of character that it stood out.

Then things got even stranger. He kept saying I could ask him anything and that he'd answer honestly, but at the same time he refused to actually explain what had happened. It felt like he was saying, "If you can guess what I'm talking about, then I'll tell you," while giving me almost nothing to go on.

The whole interaction felt bizarre. I was tired, confused, and honestly starting to get irritated, so I decided not to push him while he was clearly drunk. I figured we'd talk about it once he sobered up.

The next day, though, he acted completely normal. His friends did too. Everyone just complained about their hangovers, and no one mentioned the conversation again.

I decided to let it go because I assumed it was just drunk drama. Also, I've done embarrassing things while drunk before, and I hate when people bring them up later, so I treated him the way I'd want to be treated.

But ever since that trip, he's been acting strangely whenever this particular group of friends comes up. He constantly says they love gossip, exaggerate everything, and twist stories just to create drama.

Now I'm wondering if he panicked because B. brought up whatever happened while they were sitting right outside the bedroom where I was sleeping. Part of me wonders whether he woke me up to see if I'd overheard anything while also trying to frame himself as the victim just in case I had. And now I can't stop wondering whether he's been trying to discredit his friends in case one of them tells me what actually happened.

I know that's a pretty big leap, and maybe I'm overthinking all of this. But the whole situation felt so odd that I haven't been able to shake it.

Am I being paranoid? Does this sound like something worth asking him about? And if so, how would you bring it up?

TL;DR: My boyfriend woke me up at 5 a.m. after drinking to repeatedly insist he wasn't "the villain" in a story his friend told, but refused to explain what actually happened. Since then, he's repeatedly called that friend group gossipers who twist stories. I'm struggling to figure out how to interpret this and how to approach a conversation about it without making unfair assumptions.

My [40f] husband [40m] and I have been married for over a decade. We’ve had our ups and downs for sure, and things have been feeling pretty rough lately, in general.

When my husband is in the mood to initiate sex, he does this thing that really bothers me. He’ll lay on his back in our bed, fondling himself. He’ll be hard, and he’ll just lightly stroke & touch himself overtop of his clothes. Nothing else besides that, but it makes me really uncomfortable. It makes me feel oddly pressured to have sex, and it feels like a passive aggressive way to initiate. It communicates to me, “hey, I’m really horny, and I’m expecting sex”. I’ve told him multiple times exactly how it makes me feel, we’ve had full discussions about it. Those discussions were a while ago though, maybe a year+ before now.

Our marriage had been going okay for a while until recently, and our sex life was the best it had ever been, so I didn’t want to rock the boat and bring this topic up to him again. He had stopped doing the behavior for a little bit, but then he started doing it again regularly some months ago. But I never brought it back to his attention, bc I was desperate to not fight. I’m so tired of arguing.

So, I found him stroking himself in bed about 5 or 6 nights ago. I told him that I could tell he was in the mood for sex (without bringing up specifics or pointing out that he was playing with himself). We had been arguing over something else recently, so I calmly told him that I was surprised that he thought I might be in the mood to have sex, and that he must not understand how angry & hurt I’ve been feeling if he thought there was a chance we might have sex. He nicely said that he understood, and that was that.

(i’d like to note that he has a prescription for Viagra. So if he’s hard and touching himself, that means he has taken a Viagra, and therefore is at least anticipating the possibility of having sex.)

Then, two nights ago, I walked into our room to go to bed, and he was on the bed, reading on his phone, and fondling himself. Again. Seeing this again really made my stomach turn. Our ongoing issue(s) hadn’t been resolved. Nothing had changed since the other night when I had turned him down. So I called him out on it. I pointed out that he was fondling himself, and that he knows exactly how that makes me feel. I told him that I’d never intentionally do something that made him feel uncomfortable & pressured to have sex. He apologized, and said he forgot that touching himself in that context upset me, but it seemed to me like he really didn’t understand what a big deal this was to me. To get him to see the severity of it in my mind, I told him (as delicately yet straightforward as I could) that it was like sexually predatory behavior in my opinion: He knew that sexual action/behavior really upset me, and he was still doing it, purely bc he wanted sex. I told him it felt like he was sexually accosting me when he did that. He became incredibly defensive. He said I was attacking his character. He said that it was impossible for him to sexually accost me bc that’s only something that happens in public between strangers. He reiterated that he was sorry, but basically that I was blowing it out of proportion bc he wasn’t doing it to be predatory, in so many words, he was doing it compulsively, and he just wasn’t thinking about how it made me feel. I told him that his intent was moot; bottom line is his actions were explicitly unwanted, and he knew it.

I’m deeply disturbed, and frankly grossed out that he would treat me this way. Especially so bc I rarely turn him down for sex. I say yes to sex 98% of the time he wants it. So what gives? Why not approach me for sex in a way that he knows will be effective? Why do something that he knows for a fact will upset me? And how dare he act defensive and like I hurt him when I confronted him about it?! He said that I was attacking his character, and he ended up texting me this metaphor today: “lol I think any human can understand that your comments are not productive and you’re not trying to work out a solution or make this work. You’re just full of contempt. I’ll make sure that when my direct report forgets to do something at work, I’ll just point out that he’s actually a lazy person and because he said he’d do it correctly, he’s also a liar and that’s just who he is.”

This feels like extreme gaslighting and abuse of my emotions. My head is spinning.

TLDR: Is my husband fondling himself a big deal when I’ve told him how much it bothers me? Or is it valid that he just forgot, and is my reaction psychotic?

**********

eta: it feels like a massive lack of accountability or understanding of the seriousness of this situation on his part. he texted me these two paragraphs after creating these posts

I understand “I forgot” is not reassuring, I understand that trust is earned through actions over time, but I took what you said seriously. But when you keep doing this, telling me how ashamed I should be, and making out the behavior as analogous to something much worse, you show no respect for me, nor my boundaries while asking me to do that for you. I’m not trying to turn this around and make it about me, I’m separating feedback about my behavior, how it makes you feel, and how I can change it vs. you then shifting the behavior to conclusions about my character.

I understand that this behavior has made you feel pressured and I take that seriously. I’m not going to argue with how it affected you. I’ve committed to stopping and I intend to follow through. I also don’t think continuing to debate labels is productive or with benevolent intent.

So me M27 and my gf F26 have been together for 3 years. We had an amazing time together, we couldn't be apart not for a second. Met at university and after graduating i moved to her country .

We had some ups and downs like every couple but I never stopped loving and caring for her.Always giving her princess treatment, taking her out almost every night organizing romantic dates constantly and also trips. As we speaking in 2 days I will fly her out to my island just for the weekend.

However its been some time I feel im single handed carrying this relationship.

I cant even remember the last time I received love from her....It hurts. I no more have expectations to feel loved .

I tried to talk to her in many occasions about how I feel, we had a serious discussion and she told me that she loves me so much. However, I cant remember the last time she genuinely was in love with me, neither the last time she came up and gave me a kiss and a hug.

I know her well, I know how she was when I met her and she was a girl in love , now she is not the same.

So last night , after dinner I left her and I came home alone, honestly I knew that if I stayed and slept together as usual she will be on her phone the whole night, then pass out on her side, and I couldn't take it anymore. It feels so lonely and so painful so I decided to just go home alone.

When I came home I tried to clear my mind , try to understand what's going on and that maybe that's how it is , that all the relationships are like this.

At the end, im not proud of it, I took her iPad that she forgot at my place and I saw her texts.

I cant say I was shocked because I already felt that there was something wrong. But its been months she is clearly flirting with guys, organizing drinks and dates with some, giving them her phone number too. Even downloaded dating apps while she was on a trip with her cousin ....

Now it makes sense , but I dont understand why she tells me she loves me....

I dont know what to do, from one side I want to keep fighting for this relationship and on the other I think of myself and how depressed makes me being stack in a one sided relationship....

Also how can I have a talk with her about what I found. Im really not proud of what I did( looking her ipad) it disgusts me?

I trust in human kindness, please tell me what you think, cause me at the moment im blinded by love and im sure im missing so many things

My boyfriend and I have been dating around 6 months now, him and I are practically best friends and we get along pretty well. He has almost never made me doubt my worth in him wanting me in the relationship because he has been very present and loving with me since day one. But theres just things that really irk me that he says that really makes me doubt his authenticity.

One things he says that bothers me and I feel like it shouldn't is that he sometimes bring up how he thinks it would be really hot if I had a bunch of tattoos. I expressed to him that I thought about getting a few but I didn't really want that many or any at all. I thought that was the end of that but it wasnt. He just kept pushing for it like he was trying to change my mind. One time we were at the beach with my friend and he saw my friend take off her shirt (she has a torso tattoo) and he pointed saying "look she has a tattoo why don't you get one?". Thankfully, my friend went off on him and was angry he even said that. Later that night he brought it up and told him it was annoying whenever he brought up him wanting me to get one. He just was kind of quiet about it after that. But today he brought it about AGAIN, about two after the last time. We were hanging out with his friends and he brought up this mom he saw that had tatted up arms and piercings and said how she was "super hot" and told me again how he thinks it would be so hot if I got tatted up arms. I told him "no. I probably wont ever get tattoo sleeves. Maybe just one or two on my arms." He insisted on it! Saying i should do it. I didnt entertain it.

It bothers me so much because it makes me feel like he doesn't appreciate me the way I am. Like he would change things about me if he could. How do I make him understand it bothers me like this? It makes me not even want tattoos anymore. I dont want to get them just because he wants them on me.

He has told me that if there is something that bothers me that he does, I should tell him, which im going to, but I need to know, how do I do it? Im terrible with confrontation.

I have been dating my bf for 4 months. He has never once gone down on me, made me cum, or even touched my 🐱longer than 30 seconds. I notice that he checks out mentally after touching me anywhere for more than a moment. On the other side of things, I blow him at least every other day.

I fear that he is either not concerned with my pleasure, afraid of vaginas, or both. Am I being too reductive? What else could explain his behavior? We live together; and run a business together, so I can't just leave, which honestly I would at this point if not for our shared work. I keep trying to tell him that it's okay if he just wants to be friends (I have my own house nearby...so we could keep working together) but he gets so angry when I suggest it. His mother is really the bend-over-backwards for her son type which I fear plays a role in this. He has anxious attachment style.

I'm fed up and don't know what to do. I can't make him desire me, I can't get him to admit he doesn't, I can't leave, I am unable to get through to him. Is there ANY way in hell to handle this gracefully??? An ultimatum involves the risk of losing what feels like my life's work, so I'm scared. But I just feel so angry and rejected. I'm also physically beautiful (by conventional standards), and he is not. It feels so ironic that I'm in this situation. I love him very much. I feel stuck and awful. Any advice whatsoever would be appreciated.

TLDR: bf does not seem to desire me. I wonder if a) there's some way I could be misunderstanding his behavior and b) how to talk to him about it without starting an argument that destroys our business

I’d really appreciate some honest outside perspectives.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a while. He has always been incredibly affectionate and always told me I was the most kind-hearted person he’d ever met. I’ve always felt very loved by him.
Recently we’ve been having more arguments and I’m worried my insecurities are damaging the relationship.
One example is sport. He plays a lot of different sports, so he needs to concentrate during games. I like to go to support him, but I struggle if he doesn’t speak to me for a few hours. I feel like I’m only there to watch him, so I start feeling like I’m not important or that he doesn’t love me like he used to.
Sometimes I make comments that he’s not very touchy feely that day or talking to me much, but only because I’m worried.
I know he loves me, and he does acknowledge me but I still find myself needing reassurance.
This morning we argued because I said I feel like I’m always making all the lunches and breakfasts. He’s been quite busy recently. I wasn’t trying to attack him. He apologised and said he does other things around the house, but I carried on because I was frustrated.
He then said he feels constantly criticised and controlled.
He is busy a lot with work, friends and sport - I genuinely do not want to stop him doing those things and I have never told him he can’t go. However, if I say I want him to make effort with me (which he does but I don’t always see it) it makes him feel like he shouldn’t go and like he has to feel guilty for having his own life.
10 minutes before he left for work he hugged me and said he loved me, but when he was leaving he didn’t because he was running late.
I got upset and asked for a hug, kiss and for him to say it again. He got frustrated because he was already late and said he’d already told me. He literally came back to the door and said this was becoming ridiculous. He didn’t say it and he slammed the door.
After he left, I called him and he was really angry. He said I’m controlling him, he feels like he can’t just exist without worrying about upsetting me, and when I asked if he was going to break up with me, he said “I don’t know.”
That really scared me.
I don’t want to control him. I want him to have his own life and enjoy his hobbies. But I’m starting to realise I may be the problem.. I know he loves me, but I still get scared I’m not a priority.
I think I’m trying to control situations, not him.
Am I being controlling without realising it? How do I work on this?

Hi, I am 20f and my boyfriend is 21m. We have been together for almost a year.

I am a little brown with long wavy hair.

Yesterday when we were on a call, he said he wanted to confess something. He told me the girl he saw in the cake shop was really really cute. He described her, she had short straight hair and pale skin.

Tbh she was completely opposite of me.

I won't lie, I felt a bit sad. He then proceeded to ask me if I could cut my hair short, i said no, I love my long hair.

He then kinda made a point repeatedly that he really has a thing for women with short hair. I said okay good.

Then that was it.

Well, I am just really kinda bummed out ig. I am quite insecure about my looks and him calling that girl who's literally the opposite of me 'adorably cute' made me a little sad.

I get it, there's nothing I can do about this. I just wanted some advice on how to stop comparing myself to her ? I have been really down lately. It's like I am back in class 7th again being sad about how I'll never be pretty enough .

My boyfriend (M 28) and I (F 25) have been together for 4 years, we've also shared a home for about 3 years. There has been no fundamental issues in our relationship, except for one thing in my mind. My boyfriend was engaged for a couple years before he eventually separated from his fiancée in 2022. He initiated the break-up, and apparently there were several issues from the start, most of which caused their love to die down. At first I didn't really think about this at all, but about 2 years ago this ex-relationship of his stirred up some strange sadness and anxiety within me. I accidentally happened to see a photo of the ex and my bf on his computer - they were kissing and he had written a text saying "my wife-to-be, forever with you is the best thing I could've imagined". I don't blame my bf for having that picture in his laptop, neither do I ever check out any old documents saved on my personal account. I think all my sadness comes down to him having already had that "forever kind of love" for him, even tho I understand that nobody can change their past. I feel can't help but feel somehow inferior, like I'm not special if we would ever get engaged or even married. It wouldn't be his first time and I fear it wouldn't be so sentimental for us. All this has escalated to me getting intense anxiety even if I just see posts of someone else getting engaged. I'm not sure what to do, and if this is more about some deep insecurity, or my differing personal values regarding love. Does somebody have perspective/opinions to offer?

TL;DR: My boyfriend having been engaged in the past makes me feel oddly & intensely sad.

My long-term boyfriend (25M) is a straight man (or at least that’s how he’s always identified). I’m a queer woman (25F), but we’re in a monogamous relationship, and monogamy is a non-negotiable for me.

I recently discovered that he had downloaded Grindr. When I asked him about it, he told me it was because the job market is so awful and he was using it to look for work.

I’ve genuinely never heard of anyone using Grindr for job searching. I know networking can happen almost anywhere, but this explanation feels… really difficult to believe.

For context, he’s never expressed any attraction to men. He’s said he’s straight, has no interest in men, and no interest in things like pegging or exploring that side of sexuality. If he came out as bisexual, that honestly wouldn’t be the issue for me. The issue would be dishonesty and violating our agreement to be monogamous.

So I’m wondering: is there any legitimate reason a straight man would download Grindr that I’m somehow missing? Has anyone actually heard of people using it for professional networking, or am I being incredibly naive by even considering that explanation?

I don’t want to jump to conclusions if there’s something obvious I don’t know, but I also don’t want to ignore glaring red flags because I love him.

Am I missing something here, or am I being played?

TLDR: I no longer have alone time late at night and I’m not happy about it.

We’ve just started living together full time in a new house I’ve rented, but had spent every weekend together in my last house. I downsized from a run down two story three bedroom to a shotgun style duplex with a total of four rooms.

It’s perfect for us and is in much nicer shape than where I was living at, but the old house had an open concept master bedroom upstairs that I could fit my gaming setup as well as my bedroom in. In the new house, I use our primary TV in the living room to game on. Previously, my girlfriend could go lay in my bed while I stayed up for another hour or so to play video games, but now she lays on our couch with me instead.

I’m not annoyed by her presence, we’re very much in love and I never want to be without her. However I’m a pretty solitary person outside of her and have a stressful job with long-ish hours. After I get home, it’s usually 3-4 hours of us cooking dinner, hanging out, and generally being joined at the hip. I really enjoy this time, but I loved having that time alone while she slept, but I think if I try to tell her that it’ll hurt her feelings which I really don’t want to do.

TW: sexual consent / unwanted penetration.

A couple of nights ago, I 33F had a sexual/consent-related incident with my partner 41M that has left me feeling shaken and unsafe. For added context we've been together for just a little over a year.

Earlier in the day, I had told him that I had a bruise/cut around my va#g##na and that I was hurting and had some bleeding due to sexual activities with him. Later that night, I took off my clothes and was being playful/teasing with him. I told him I wanted to go take a shower. I was not trying to initiate penetrative sex, and I did not ask for penetration.

He interpreted the situation as sexual and got behind/on top of me and penetrated me. In the moment, I felt overwhelmed and confused. I remember asking him something like, "What are you doing?" and I also physically adjusted myself because it was painful and I was trying to reduce the pain.

Afterwards, we talked about it, and he has repeatedly said that he got mixed signals and that I should have said "no" more clearly. He says that because I didn’t clearly say no, he misunderstood. He also said he spoke to a couple of people who agreed that I should have been clearer.

My issue is that I never clearly said yes either. I did not consent to penetration. I had already told him I was bruised/cut and hurting. I had said I wanted to shower. I was playful, but I don’t think being naked or teasing should automatically mean consent to penetrative sex.

The part that is making this even harder is that this is not the first time. This is the third time we have had a situation where he escalated sexually without clear consent from me, and each time afterwards the conversation somehow becomes about my failure to communicate clearly enough, rather than him acting without a clear yes.

I’m not saying I communicated perfectly. I understand that sexual situations can be messy and that people can misread each other. But I feel like in a caring relationship, especially with the context that I was physically hurt, he should have been more thoughtful and checked in with me regarding penetration.

I now feel sexually and emotionally unsafe in the relationship. I am considering ending it, not just because of this one incident, but because of the repeated pattern and the way he keeps framing it afterwards.

I guess I’m asking:

Is it reasonable to end a relationship over this pattern?

How would you interpret this situation?

Please be honest, as in trying to get a better understanding of what might be happening here.

Hello! I need to leave my current partner. We’ve been together for 4 years, lived together for 3 years, and recently bought a house together 3 months ago. We also have 3 cats together, and one shared checking account which we use for house bills (we have our own accounts outside of this).

Some backstory: The first half of our relationship was great! My family loved him, he was very supportive of all of my decisions, and I could tell that he really loved and cared about me. We would go on dates, talk for hours on end, cuddle on the couch and watch movies weekly, the whole 9 yards. We got our first apartment together about 9 months after getting together (I know, super soon, but it just sort of fell into our hands and was perfect for us at the time.)

About a year into living at the apartment, I lost my job and soon after ended up having surgery. I was unemployed for 8 months, and during that time I was actively applying for jobs and taking care of all of the housework. He sent me money regularly and never made me feel like a burden. He was truly amazing. About 4 months into my unemployment he began drinking alcohol HEAVILY. He used to be an alcoholic, so we never really had any in the house, but within two weeks he was known as a new regular at the liquor store.

During this time he got mean, aggressive, and was overall not the type of person I wanted to spend time with.

One incident stands out to me from this time (this made him try to get sober again). We had been arguing since I got home from work because he had been day drinking all day and didn’t do anything around the house (I worked out of town when I did finally get a job). He then went to bed. About two hours later I was finishing up the tasks he didn’t get to, and when I came out of the bathroom he had somehow snuck past me down the hallway and was PEEING on the dining table. In the middle of the kitchen. I kicked him out that night and made him sleep in his car.

When we moved into this house he was about 2 months sober, and had hoped that a change of scenery would help kick the cravings. It didn’t. Within the last month, he’s started drinking heavily again, and tonight was my final straw. He began drinking at around 9pm after I had gotten home from work. At first he was being affectionate, but not in a “I missed you” way but in a “I want you” way, and I don’t do that business when one party is intoxicated and the other is not. I shut him down and he began calling me names (childish, annoying, bitch, etc.) but then he made me dinner and was super sweet about it all.

He went to bed and then it started storming, he loves storms so I woke him up and asked if he wanted me to turn off the TV so he could see it. He said no and that he needed to go to the bathroom. I said okay and he went, but I stayed in the bedroom to look out that window as it’s the only window that faces the street. When I went out to go finish what I was doing, I saw him coming out of my office. I didn’t hear the toilet flush.

I immediately knew what happened and stormed into my office to find the window open a crack and pee all over the window, window sill, and wall, and the floor by the window. HE PISSED OUT OF MY WINDOW.

Anyways I cleaned it, cried, debated leaving him right then and there, and now I’m making this post. I also just found his stash and dumped all of it outside and I know the rain will wash it away. Tomorrow is garbage day so at least there won’t be evidence of that.

Anyways I want to leave him as quickly as possible, but we JUST got fully unpacked and my family is 3+ hours away. Also a first time homeowner and unsure how to go about leaving with the house. Any advice would be appreciated, especially from anyone who has been in this situation before. Thanks!

Tl/Dr: My boyfriend is an alcoholic who relapsed. This specific relapse made him piss out of my office window, and I had to clean it before it soaked into the carpet. We own a home together. How do I leave him and sell the house?

TLDR: I love my husband, but after years of feeling unsupported through my health struggles, discovering he never wanted children despite telling me he did, and living with his anger and emotional outbursts, I don’t know if there’s anything left to save. He’s finally trying after an ultimatum, but I feel completely broken.

God where do I start with this mess. My husband and I got married six years ago when we were really young. Before we got married, he was everything I ever wanted. He was kind, patient, funny, and made me feel so loved. I genuinely thought I had found my person. Looking back now, I wonder if I ignored things because I loved him so much. Maybe the signs were there, and I just didn’t want to see them. Not long after we got married, my health started getting worse. I have epilepsy, and over the years my doctors have constantly adjusted my seizure medication and antidepressants trying to find something that worked. Every medication change affected me differently. Sometimes I couldn’t think straight, sometimes I was exhausted, sometimes I just wasn’t myself. I wasn’t choosing to be sick.

I was doing everything I could just to get through each day. I needed my husband more than ever during that time, and honestly I never really felt like I had him. I had already moved from Florida all the way to California to be with him. I left my family, my friends, and everything I’d ever known because I believed we were building a life together. Even after all these years, I still miss home every single day.
Money got tight, so I pushed myself to get a job even though my health wasn’t good. It was hard. Really hard. But I wanted to help us. Even when money was tight, I’d secretly save little bits here and there so I could surprise him with anniversary dates or little trips because I knew he couldn’t afford to. Seeing him happy made me happy. At least it used to. Then one night I woke up around 2 a.m. and realized he wasn’t in bed. I walked out and overheard him drinking with one of his friends. I heard his friend telling him he should divorce me. I still remember exactly how that felt. I just stood there listening, hoping I misunderstood. They were drunk, so I kept telling myself maybe it didn’t mean anything. Maybe they were just talking.
But those words never left me. A while later, I had this horrible gut feeling to look through his phone. I know people will probably judge me for that, but something inside me told me I needed to. I found messages between him and that same friend. He was complaining about me. About how he was tired of waiting for me to get better.

Then came the conversation that completely shattered me. Before we got married, I told him one thing I couldn’t compromise on. I wanted children. I asked him multiple times before we got married if he wanted kids too, and every single time he said yes. Over the years, whenever I’d bring it up, he’d tell me we needed to wait until my health got better. So I waited. I believed him. I kept hoping. A few weeks ago, after six years of marriage, he finally admitted that he doesn’t actually want children. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so blindsided. It felt like someone ripped away the future I’d spent six years believing we were building together. I keep asking myself. Did he always know? If he never wanted kids why tell me he did? Why let me marry him believing we’d have that life someday? I don’t know how I’m supposed to move past that.

On top of everything else, his anger has gotten worse over the years. He’s never laid his hands on me. But he’s punched walls. Thrown things. Hit the steering wheel while screaming in the car while we’re on the highway. I know he has autism, and I know that can make emotional regulation difficult. I’m not blaming his diagnosis. But I also know that this isn’t healthy, and it’s taken a huge toll on me. I’ve begged him for years to get therapy. To talk to someone. To get help. Nothing ever changed.

The issue I have currently is that I don’t know if I’m already gone. These past several months have completely broken me. I’ve barely been eating. I barely drink water. I’ve gone weeks without showering because I just don’t have the energy. I cry over everything. I’m angry all the time. I’m starting to lash out, and I hate the person I’m becoming. I know I need help too, and I’m trying to get it because I don’t want to keep living like this.But he doesn’t and even his parents still think he doesn’t need therapy or medication. I just feel so alone. I still love him. Or maybe I love who he used to be. Maybe I love the version of him I thought I married. I honestly don’t know anymore. I never imagined I’d be 26 years old questioning everything about my marriage. I don’t know if people can come back from this. I don’t know if too much damage has already been done. I guess I’m just wondering.

One of the hardest parts of all of this is that I don’t really have anyone in my life telling me it’s okay to leave. Both of our families are religious and everyone around us believes that marriage is forever. I was raised to believe that separation and divorce are against the Bible unless adultery has happened. Since he hasn’t cheated on me or physically abused me, I constantly question whether I’m even “allowed” to think about leaving. It makes me feel incredibly guilty because part of me feels like I’d be failing God, failing my vows, and failing everyone around me if I walked away. At the same time, I can’t ignore how broken I’ve become. I don’t know how much longer I can keep living like this. So I’m stuck between what I’ve always been taught and what my heart and mind are telling me. I don’t know if staying is the right thing to do anymore, but I also don’t know if I could live with the guilt of leaving.
Has anyone else been in this position? How did you separate your faith from the reality of what you were living through? If you were me, would you keep fighting?

My boyfriend (22M) and I (20F) have been together for a little while now. He was a virgin when we met, and he's honestly one of the sweetest, most attractive guys I've ever dated. He's kind, respectful, and treats me really well, so this isn't me complaining about him as a person.
The issue is our sex life. It feels like he's extremely shy when it comes to anything sexual. He almost never initiates sex, and when we do have sex, he's very hesitant and passive. I don't know if it's because he lacks experience, if he's nervous about doing something wrong, or if it's tied to confidence or masculinity. I don't want to make assumptions.
The thing is, sex is really important to me in a relationship. I know what I enjoy, and I tend to like a more confident partner who's willing to take charge, flirt, talk to me, and actually initiate. I don't expect him to magically know all of that, but I also don't want to feel like I'm the one leading everything forever.
I'm wondering if I should just be very direct and tell him what I like, or if that's likely to make him feel insecure because he's inexperienced. Has anyone been in a relationship where one person was a virgin and eventually became much more confident? Did having open conversations help, or did it just come naturally with time?
I really care about him and don't want to embarrass him or make him feel like he's failing. I just also don't want to ignore something that's important to me. Any advice would be appreciated.

I want you to be neutral and objective in this scenario. so, i'm dating a man and before me, there was a girl from his friend group who liked him romantically and confessed him. he rejected her because he didn't have feelings for her. they are still friends even after we got into a relationship. my bf said she doesn't like him anymore (she didnt say this but acc to him, she doesn't act like she likes him anymore) So, the girl and I have met each other and she dislikes me. On the first meet, she refused to acknowledge me. my bf said that she dislikes any other girl who is trying to enter the friendgroup, so it's not a big deal. On the second meet, my bf introduced both of us, but she didnt want to talk, so she was just quiet and I didn't talk either. So, she has been calling him for trivial things, not romantic coded but she does. a while ago, she asked him to 'hang out' with her alone. Also, she calls him to meet him if she knows 'he's in the area' through snapchat. He rejected her both the times. So, I told him to tell her that this is not okay for me because I feel insecure. I also had a lot of overthinking because I had previously told him to cut her off but my bf didnt want drama and he refused. Things got a little heated between me and my bf, and he called her politely as I told and she started crying (he predicted that she'd cry too) and got defensive stating she didnt do anything wrong. Now, their friendship and friendgroup is also broken and his friends from his friend group are blaming him for breaking the friendgroup. I dont understand if im controlling or did I do the right thing. also, for the context: my bf is extremely loving and respectful towards me and he has told me multiple times that he doesn't care about her but his refusal to cut contact because it would 'cause drama' bugs me.

We have been together for 6 months and I've been happy until recently because she will get upset about something then not tell me what she is upset about she doesn't tell me why cause she doesn't want to ruin the relationship but her making me have to fight to find out whats bothering her is whats ruining the relationship I'm writing this at 2 A.M. because she did it again tonight and then cried for the last hour and a half because she wants to tell me but worries it'll ruin the relationship and I've made that very clear but she keeps doing it and at this point I'm becoming unhappy and am just getting tired of it but I'm not sure what to do. I'm mostly looking for advice on whether I should break up with her over this or not, and why you think the way you do?

My (28F) bf (29M) blames me for all his/our issues and told me I've never met his needs or been a partner

My boyfriend when upset tells me I’m the source of his misery, financial stress, debt, emotional damage, and unmet needs. He says he’d be better off financially and emotionally if we’d never gotten together, and he would be ahead if it weren't for me. I’ve been jobless for a few months while trying to finish my degree and deal with the fact that my mom is dying, but he says I don’t have “real responsibilities” like he does because he works 40 hours a week. I've contributed what I can in the relationship and helped with moving costs, household items, handle errands, shopping, cooking, cleaning, and we live in a rural area so this is why its been difficult for me. I've never struggled with work before. He does pay all bills alone though and I know this effects him, and I'm desperately trying for work.

A huge issue is sex/intimacy. He says I haven’t met his sexual needs, and he blames a lot of his unhappiness and insecurities on me. He also says my insecurities as a woman are “fixable” with effort or surgery, so my struggles aren’t comparable to his as a man. He has had insecurities as a man and with himself, he has severe blame towards me with this specific topic and says I've committed unforgiveable and inexcusable actions regarding this. Hes compared me sexually to past partners and his ex, to materials he watched, blames my PCOS which I've also been trying to diet/gym/desperately go to doctors who don't care.

What confuses me is that no matter how much I apologize, take accountability, ask what I can do better, clean, emotionally support him, or try to talk things through, it’s apparently never enough. He says I should already know how to be a partner and that it’s not his job to tell me. He says a relationship shouldnt be this hard and says I've hurt him the worst in his life and destroyed him as a man. This is so damaging to hear, I just had a panic attack outside after hearing this again.

He's also kind of cheated multiple times, by downloading dating apps, sending ntimate pictures to other people because of the resenment he has for me attached to his insecurity. He has lied to me, called me names, exploded during fights, and then justified this by saying the relationship or my behavior “caused” him to do those things, my mistakes pushed him to do these things or say these things to me. Basically that I deserve it because of this or because I'm not sexually attractive anymore after being sick and gaining weight.

He also claims I never supported him emotionally, which honestly hurts because I absolutely have even with my own health issues, stressful periods, and through his emotional breakdowns. I was emotionally supporting him before and after surgery, have always asked if hes okay, how he feels, if he needs anything, offer massages, express remorse, care, or love, he rejects my compliments, reassurance, and efforts a lot. He always paints and sees me in a negative picture and accuses me of the same.

I have tried in this relationship and I have taken accountability, apologized, cried, begged, tried to change, adapt, make effort, listen, it hurts he truly believes I haven't. He says I've projected, I am a liar, a hypocrite, stunted, not a real adult, he was better off alone and never needed help from anyone like I have and he managed to get his s\*\* together. Is what hes said.

The worst part is the constant flip-flopping. Sometimes he says everything is my fault and I ruined his life. Other times he admits he contributed too. Sometimes finances “don’t matter,” then suddenly they’re proof I destroyed everything. Sometimes he says we should’ve never been together, but if I talk about leaving, he gets angry too.

I know I’m not perfect. I can be anxious, emotional, clingy, and intense when I feel abandoned. I have made mistakes and been a terrible gf at times. But I genuinely can’t tell anymore if I’m actually abusive/selfish or if this relationship has just become consumed by resentment, blame, cheating, and emotional damage..I am desperate to fix things as stupid as I may sound for this.

TL;DR: My boyfriend says I ruined his life financially, emotionally, and sexually, while blaming me for his cheating and mistreatment. I’m dealing with being jobless, finishing my degree, and my mom dying, but he says I don’t have “real” responsibilities. I’m trying to understand if I’m truly the problem or if our relationship has become toxic and full of resentment.