u/AnxiousAssociate1010

My wife and I have been married for a couple years and it's genuinely been especially awful. I often find myself drenched in sweat from arguing, screaming, and just overall stress in general from dealing with her on a consistent basis. It feels as if we could be having a perfect night, but a single mistake can destroy everything for the entire day, but she almost always wakes up the next day as if nothing happened and there's a high chance of ending up in a similar argument a couple days later.

She always insists that they're never arguments, it's just me having a mental breakdown and screaming at her each time, but she repeatedly says provocative or offensive things throughout the entire argument while denying she ever said that or deliberately ignoring it when saying "all I said to you was XYZ." I admit I'm not the best with cleaning up after myself, but it often gets to the point where I've been violently woken up randomly at 4am or had my entire days ruined (even during work days and days I've had interviews) because of a single fork or plate that was left on the kitchen counter, or a very tiny piece of a paper towel that was left on the floor (like the size of a sticker), forgetting to close the laundry closet door by 1 inch, because I "cleaned" all the dishes but left the cooking pot on the stove, or because she found an extra piece of debris in our cat litter that she blamed me for not disposing of properly.

She consistently calls me blind, disgusting, stupid, incompetent, loser, etc. over these mistakes and when I question her over it she maintains that they can't be insults because they're literally just characteristic descriptions of who I am, which obviously infuriates me more but she will never admit even to this day that she has ever insulted or name-called me, even to our marriage counselor who we eventually dropped, because under her logic it can't be an insult or name-call if it's true. We do have good moments but lately these things have been happening literally every single day, and I'm tired of pretending like it's normal. When I start screaming because of these insults and ultimately her denying that she's insulting me, she calls me a man-child, that I just scream my way out of everything to get my way, that I'm just immature and all men know how to do is scream.

It got to the point where a few days ago after being waking up due to being screamed insults at during 2-3am while I was half-asleep, she kept on calling me incompetent, disgusting, horrible, etc. and when I looked at what I had *actually* done I had forgot to wash a used pot in the stove. At this point I was having a breakdown already because I'm genuinely tired of being violently awoken during the middle of the night for something that is objectively not to the same scale as what she's treating it as, and then she kept on saying things like "I can't believe someone this incompetent is even still alive, why are you still alive?" and she kept on repeating a variation of "how can someone this stupid even be here?" over and over again until I finally snapped. I have been dealing with depression issues for the past year and was thinking of ending my life during the days before because of how hopeless I've been feeling. Regardless, I swing open the balcony door and lean on the ledge, staring down and seriously questioning whether it's worth it to leap off. I decide not to and walk back in 2 minutes later, and she yells that opening the door is going to cause bugs to fly in. She randomly complains 2 hours later that she is suffering from mosquito bites because of what I did...

I think about leaving her nearly every single day and I constantly regret having married her, but when I bring this up she always gets incredibly defensive and starts insulting me further about how privileged I am, how it must be so nice to have so much power, how it must be so nice to be a man, etc.

For context, she is a Vietnamese immigrant and on a temporary green card, whereas I'm an American citizen by birthright. We weren't married long enough when we applied for her green card, so they gave her a 2-year one that I am ... genuinely struggling to determine if I want to renew, not because I want to destroy her life as she claims, but because I genuinely don't know if I can handle dealing with this pain literally every single day for that much longer.

She also makes significantly less money than me and went to a significantly less competitive university and major, which I literally never brought up before I snapped, but despite this she calls me a "loser" and "incompetent" on a daily basis. On top of that, she can't drive, so I often drive her everywhere to ease her convenience but she always seems to treat it as nothing whenever I bring it up as something I help with because she always says something like "I could've gotten a ride from someone else so I don't owe you anything for doing this for me" whenever I bring this up in response to being called "useless" nearly every day.

She tells me that my reactions are all because I'm not on anti-depressants and that if I was simply taking them more often or more consistently, I wouldn't even react like this at all. The thing is, before her, I didn't even need to even be on them at all.

I genuinely snapped today after spending the entire week dealing with this every single day. When I snapped over being repeatedly put down for years, I reminded her about her place in the household, how she couldn't even earn my degree if she tried, how she couldn't even earn close to my income, how she couldn't even get into a company as competitive as mine, how she can't even drive, how she can't even manage to save any of her salary despite the fact that I heavily subsidize her expenses. I screamed everything I was thinking, pent up with frustrations from years ago that I have been consistently voicing, and I threatened to divorce her (as I frequently do nowadays) which she responded with "must be nice to be able to destroy my life so easily" or "it must be so nice to be an American with a family here who can't just be deported away because her spouse got mad one day" etc. etc. with a bunch of guilt tripping, basically saying how all I had to worry about was my mental health whereas she was now stuck worrying with 100x more things about how I was going to ruin her life, etc. etc.

Genuinely, I feel like I am losing my mind with her.

I want to preface this by saying I understand this is all completely my own fault, but I am genuinely having a terrible time.

It's nearly 2AM for me and I'm expecting to stay up all night working because I spent literally the entire day from 8am till now arguing with my wife, having mental breakdowns, and being completely exhausted. Every day I have been drenching myself in stress from the amount of screaming, stress, and arguing I deal with, and this has gone on nearly every single day for years but particularly every single day of the week this week. I consistently have to wipe tears off my face in between video calls or even blow dry my hair because it's been visibly drenched with sweat.

The only thing I ate today was half-a-cup of yogurt that literally took 8 hours to finish and 3 pieces of sushi. My diet has been similar calorie wise for weeks, although at this point I'm so depressed I'm used to eating next to nothing.

I promised myself to stay up all night to catch up on work because I cannot show up empty handed during my touch point with my manager tomorrow or I am absolutely certain I will lose all goodwill.

Fortunately, I am just an associate so I know my workload is so much lighter than a lot of my higher ups, but I just wanted to anonymously post that I've genuinely been having a terrible time even with the "light" workload. I'm not trying to sound entitled or overly complaining I just needed to vent that it's genuinely been hard to work like this. :(

I'm a 26 year old American male and feel like I've achieved everything I wanted to already experience.

When thinking about the next few decades, I don't really see much else there is to do life wise other than to just ... wait around.

I already completed my education at the university I wanted to attend, got a fun college experience, finished graduate school, got my first job, moved into my dream apartment, got married, ... and that's it? I can't really think of anything else I want to do or accomplish in this life.

I really want to get promoted and maintain my job, but that's just for the sake of survival, rather than my idea of truly living.

I know for a fact that I do not want children and my wife and I are in agreement with this, so there isn't a family yet to be started. We do not want to become property owners as we'd rather hold brokerage investments instead of property.

I have 0 desire to learn new skills or hobbies, or to learn anything else about the world that I don't already know about. I currently have zero hobbies other than browsing the web, however.

I have 0 desire to make new friends or to form any new relationships. All of my friends were found before I turned 21, and none of them live in my city. I do not want a social group anymore.

I don't really have a strong desire to travel anywhere. I already got to experience living in the downtown of a global city, I've seen plenty, and if you told me that where I've already traveled to would be all I'd get to see in my lifetime I'd be okay with that.

I have never taken much pleasure in food, and I am considered very thin because I often choose to eat 600-1200 calories a day.

It's gotten to the point where I'm questioning what even is the purpose of life. I often just wake up next to my wife, to the skyline view I dreamed of, spend 8-9 hours sitting at my home desk working from home, I eat my first light meal at 12pm, finish work at 5-6pm and then 90% of the time I just continue sitting there for the rest of the day until I cook & eat dinner at some point, get as high as I can (legal where I'm from), then fall asleep. Maybe once every 2 days I take my wife out to a restaurant/date or run some errands with her, but that routine is what my life has looked like for about the past 4 years.

My wife frequently goes out with her friends and tries new hobbies and classes, but I often elect to stay home and sleep while she does that.

I'm just at a loss at what there is to do in life. I genuinely feel like I've completed the game and am just playing a really, really boring sandbox end-game.

I’m currently a 4th year associate who was passed up for promotion and in discussing it with my partner he mentioned that while my reviews tend to be positive, compared to my 3rd year peers they’ve been performing ahead of me and were thus considered for promotion instead.

I have been asking if this means I’m being PIP’d which they emphasized no as I’m objectively not a low performer and I still have some time, but I’m just not giving a 5/5 or showing that I’m good enough for senior.

I’ve fallen into a depression after this and although I suspected poor performance, my only silver lining of hope was that if I was really that bad I would’ve been PIP’d before my 4th year… but it’s become apparent that I actually am that guy.

On top of that I declined 2 F500 job offers last month because they were lateral moves, but in looking at the market, a lateral exit to a F500 that pays the same honestly seems like a luxury now.

I know this is just a job but this has been such a blow to my mental health because even in industry I was only able to get staff roles or a senior role for the same exact pay/less benefits, and there’s so few of those roles now when there were plenty a few months ago. I feel like an idiot.

I'm considering leaving my current role as a Staff at a Big 4 firm. I've been here for nearly 4 years, and despite no promotion I have received a couple senior IA industry offers over the past few weeks.

I applied to 7 positions (all IA), and as of now 4 of them interviewed me and 2 of them extended offers after I completed their final round (1 pure SOX, 1 pure IA).

Considering the job market through what's posted online and what some of my friends went through (though non-B4 or had significantly less YOE) I was surprised, especially since I had previously only interviewed for my current role as an internship and had no job interview experience.

I'm really worried that my ease of job hunting so far has only been because of my brand association at the time of my application and that I will lose that "aura" when moving to industry. Both companies I received offers from are strong within their industry, but I'm afraid that will pigeon-hole me further into only receiving this attention from those industries.

Should I pass down a genuine salary raise and title promotion and stay at B4 in hopes of making it to senior next year?

I've been an IA staff at my B4 firm for over 3.5 years and wasn't promoted to senior this year so I was made Staff 4. My earliest chance at becoming a Senior is 4.67 years in, and a couple staff with under 3 YOE were promoted to senior instead of me.

I am interviewing and have a SOX-IA offer from a F500 that pays almost the same salary, but offers me a Senior title. Looking into it, it seems it's a glorified staff as I will still be the lowest ranking member of their team. This team exclusively tests SOX whereas I was hoping for some more operational audit exposure.

Additionally, my current role is 100% remote, whereas the SOX role would be 3-days onsite.

That being said, I am worried that if I don't make it to S1 next year and try again for industry Senior IA roles, I will have trouble getting something as having 4-4.5+ YOE as a staff w/o promotion could be a red flag on my resume.

If you were me, would you take the hybrid industry SOX offer with a Senior title and potentially pigeonhole yourself long-term, or try again for the remote Senior B4 promotion but remain as a Staff for 4.5+ years?

[US] I have a B4 background and am getting feedback from Senior IA roles in industry (F500), many of which primarily do SOX rather than operational audits. Some of them are small teams of 3-6 that specialize entirely in SOX, while a separate team handles the operational audits.

I'm primarily worried about offshoring to B4 or internationally and becoming redundant. Why would a company of this size need an in-house SOX team when they often seem to just hire my current company to perform SOX work?

Do I absolutely have to break into management within the next couple years to have a future in this field? A handful of these companies no longer have any staff below the senior rank and I'm worried about the implications of this.

I have a B4 background and am getting feedback from Senior IA roles in industry (F500), many of which primarily do SOX rather than operational audits. Some of them are small teams of 3-6 that specialize entirely in SOX, while a separate team handles the operational audits.

I'm primarily worried about offshoring to B4 or internationally and becoming redundant. Why would a company of this size need an in-house SOX team when they often seem to just hire my current company to perform SOX work?

Do I absolutely have to break into management within the next couple years to have a future in this field? A handful of these companies no longer have any staff below the senior rank and I'm worried about the implications of this.

I'm interviewing for some large corporations and I was mostly asked only behavioral questions so far about my management communication style, how I lead walkthroughs, any recommendations / process improvements I've given regarding SOX, and my process of how I determine if a deficiency warrants an escalation.

What are actual technical questions I should expect for interviews? So far I've mostly only been asked a variation of these behavioral questions.

I have over 4 hours on this game but have only gotten past the tutorial. This can't be normal, right? I see everyone talking about insane load times, but it takes me at least 1 hour to be even be able to press "Continue" and another 1 hour after that to load into the game, and every loading screen usually takes 15-20 minutes. Are you all just dealing with this? I just loaded up the game and after 2 hours I finally got to play and lost all interest at that point. This feels unplayable and I can't even refund the game.

Been hitting THC carts (90%+ concentration) several times a day after work for a while.

Stopped everything yesterday once I started applying for jobs and I got an interview at a great company, but they may possibly drug test for THC.

I don't want my habits to hurt any job chances, and I don't actually have a drug test scheduled yet but I know that eventually there may be one. Like I said, I'm 5'6'' and 110 lbs., I don't know how to calculate my body fat but my waist is only about 66cm. in circumference and my neck is half of that so Google is estimating my body fat % to be between 6-12%. I also regularly only eat about 800-1200 calories a day and sometimes just drink two protein shakes the entire day as my natural diet.

How long do I have to potentially get fully clean to pass a urine test if I'm ever given one? Anyone with similar profiles able to pass within 3 weeks despite high cart use? Any recommendations on what helps?

I've been a staff at a Big 4's internal audit practice for 3 years and I was made a Staff 4, so I have another year to get promoted, but it's not guaranteed so I'm considering potential options.

The problem is although I'm eligible to apply for a number of Senior IA roles, I'm not sure if I'll have the title or be able to compete with others applying from external audit or with the actual title. If I have similar YOE to someone with the title, would I still be competitive to apply? Can anyone give me an honest assessment of what a non-CPA with my background could expect in this market?

Currently already in the Loop and we're considering renting a 1bedroom from them to cut our costs. I was just wondering if anyone has any insight to the downsides of living here.

3 year staff are the norm at my office, but there's now a handful of 4th year staff in my practice due to how competitive and limited even the senior spots have become this year. Unfortunately I'm one of the 4th year staff and while I've seen 4th years get promoted, I'm really worried about how it's going to look if I'm not and I have to apply for new jobs.

I feel like I could definitely talk about my experiences in detail considering 4 years isn't nothing, and there have been some projects where I was the in-charge associate for a couple months, but I'm worried about my resume being auto-rejected on the basis that most other B4 promote to senior after 2.

I get positive reviews (4/5) but not exceptional (5/5) reviews whereas my competition got 5/5s and got promoted instead. Does it at least signal anything that I was not laid off or PIP'd all these years, or will recruiters just see 4 years at B4 to be another incompetent staff not worth hiring into a senior position?