r/Life

I've been struggling recently with my mental health and self esteem a lot recently.

I am going to start doing morning affirmations. I've written a list of things down in my notes app:

things I like about myself (I am likeable, I am interesting, etc)

things I need to change (call Mum more, drink less alcohol, etc)

things I need to stop worrying about (what people think, why past relationships went wrong, etc)

I usually sit down every morning and read the list out loud.

I was just wondering, from other people who have done this, did it have a tangible effect on your life?

Thanks, Joe

I have noticed that my mindset tends to be very

"me, me, me, me, me."

I have lost people, not due to this (yet), but have been looking back on cherished memories and deeply loved ones and realized there are things I wish I wouldve remembered about them, or times ive gone to gift give and have noticed that my noticing, is lacking.

To be loved is to be seen.

And I really want to fully value my relationships now and make them feel truly understood and loved. There are some very obvious things here, like... give them the last bite, or the good seat. Write down the things they verbalize they like, do things which benefit them in quiet.

But what else? Any good tips or tricks?

Hi, 26F here. I feel like a lot of people might relate to this.

Lately, I've found myself stuck in a loop that I can't seem to break out of.

A typical workday looks like this: wake up, go to work, come home, nap, eat, watch YouTube or Netflix, sleep, and then do it all over again.

I spend the entire week looking forward to my days off, but when they finally arrive, I end up doing... nothing. I'm so drained from work that I stay home, lie in bed, watch YouTube, rest, and before I know it, it's time to sleep and get ready for work again.

I feel like I'm on autopilot. Like a robot just going through the motions, or a ghost drifting from one day to the next. It feels as though my life has lost its meaning. I'm just existing rather than living, and I don't want that anymore.

I want to enjoy life again. I want to feel excited about something, to have hobbies, routines, or experiences that make my days feel like more than just work and recovery.

If you've ever been in a similar situation, how did you get out of it? I'd really appreciate any advice, routines, hobbies, mindset shifts, or small changes that helped you break the cycle.

can’t afford a house.
from normal family.
I get paid with less salary, almost no weekends, gotta work on the weekend.
Puzzled at the future

Im 16F turning 17 in a few weeks. It’s the summer before my senior year and I am so frustrated because I feel like I’ve wasted my time and youth. I also keep messing up my oppurtunities.

All my life, I’ve been sheltered. Never able to go out unless it’s with family or school. My parents never having a stable vehicle or source of income made the chance of leaving the house lower as well.

Sure it got miserable being inside all day, having nothing else to do but look at a screen. But I understood because I was young and I always seen my older brother go out and do things so I assumed that would be my future so I never worried.

But I began to notice a pattern when I turned 15. Everytime I asked to do something, it’s like my mom never applied pressure to actually get the activity done, unless it involved a school group. It’s like opportunities would just fly away. This year it’s gotten so much worse, I asked for a job she got angry and told me I’m still a kid, its her duty to pay for everything. But she gets angry when asked for expenses.
So on, so forth, I ask to go out with friends she says no, she doesn’t feel like driving me. And maybe next time. Even when I ask to go out with my cousin she tells me no.

The one time this summer she allowed me to go out and see a movie, I messed up my opportunity because my friend smelled like weed. I know it’s bad.

My older brother is 22 but when he was my age my mom let him go out a bunch, get a job, let friends over. I asked her why she claims it’s because “I’m a girl so it’s different“. I have no desire for boys or going out to drink or do drugs..

To gain more freedom this summer, I made the bold and harsh decision to stay with my dad for a few weeks. (He’s not the best father either and they’re divorce) It took me the whole world to even let that happen. She barely lets me see him. And now, I’m so sad all I do is sit in the house and rot. I love my mother so much but I have no prior experience and it’s beginning to show. It’s depressing me I feel like I’ve wasted my life.

I don't know where else to share this, but I really need to get this off my chest.

I became sexually active when I was in Grade 10, but only with my boyfriend. When I started senior high school, I stopped doing anything sexual because I wanted to focus on my studies. I thought everything was finally going well. (it ended)

Then I met a guy at the gym, and we eventually started having a sexual relationship. After some time, I noticed that I had green, watery vaginal discharge. I knew something wasn't right. I tried taking metronidazole, but it didn't seem to help, or maybe I had a different infection. I felt scared and ashamed, and I tried to ignore it instead of dealing with it properly.

While I was already struggling with all of this, I made another mistake.

I ended up having sex with my cousin's boyfriend. I'm not trying to make excuses or justify what I did. It wasn't something I planned, and I know it was completely wrong. He had been my best friend for a long time, and I was actually the one who introduced him to my cousin. I never had romantic feelings for him, which honestly makes what happened even harder for me to understand.

The guilt became unbearable, so I confessed everything to my cousin. I also told her that I had been experiencing symptoms because I was terrified that I might have an STI.

Eventually, I told my mom about my symptoms, and she took me to a doctor. The doctor performed a Pap smear, and the results showed bacterial vaginosis (BV), a yeast infection, and trichomoniasis.

Before I even got my results back, I told my cousin to take metronidazole because she had also started having green discharge. She took it for only two days, and when her symptoms went away, she stopped taking it. That scares me because I'm worried she didn't finish the treatment.

After my results came back, my doctor treated me with doxycycline and also gave me an injection for gonorrhea. That confused me because now I'm overthinking whether the doctor suspected I might also have chlamydia or gonorrhea. I keep wondering if there's something else wrong that I don't know about.

What makes me feel even worse is that my cousin now has a new boyfriend, and they've already had sex. I'm terrified that if she wasn't fully treated, she could have passed something on to him. I feel responsible, and the guilt is eating me alive.
I know my actions had consequences. I know I hurt people, and I hate myself for what I did. I wish I could go back and undo everything, but I can't.
Since all of this happened, I've been living with constant fear, guilt, and regret.

This days I can't stop crying, and sometimes I feel so overwhelmed that I've had thoughts about yk what is it just so i can run away with my problems

I'm not posting this because I want people to tell me I'm a good person. I know I made terrible decisions. I just don't know how to forgive myself or move forward from this.

Update:
I already told my cousin everything I was feeling, and I asked her again how she was doing. She said she isn't experiencing any symptoms right now. We're also waiting to hear from the guy to see if he's experiencing any symptoms. We also plan to go to a free STI consultation together.
I'm so thankful that my cousin is still being kind to me. She told me she can't bring herself to hate me because, even though what I did was a huge mistake, she doesn't see me as a bad person. She admitted that she's deeply hurt, though.
Honestly, I almost wish she were angry at me because I feel even more guilty knowing how kind she's been. I hurt someone who cared about me, and that's something I regret every single day.

I moved to a Western country as an international student during covid. I really wanted to build a life here, so I put pretty much everything into making that happen.

During uni breaks, while other people were travelling, I was working part-time jobs related to my degree so I could build experience. After graduating, I worked as a teacher, so I didn’t get annual leave, just school holidays. In my first year, I spent every school holiday making sure I met the requirements to stay in the country. In my second year, I spent my holidays moving house, buying furniture, and preparing for a career change. Now I’m in my third year of working and have changed careers, but I’m on a contract that keeps getting renewed, so it’s still hard to plan any trips.

I don’t regret working hard because it’s helped me build the life I wanted. But at the same time, I look around and see my friends who grew up here doing Euro summers, trips to Japan, Vietnam, and everywhere else. I’ve never really had the chance to travel.

One thing that’s been getting to me lately is that whenever I meet new people, travel always comes up. People bond over stories about the places they’ve been, and I don’t really have anything to contribute. It makes me feel like I missed out on a big part of being in my early 20s, and I sometimes feel a bit inferior because of it.

Any advice?

It's happened: school is finally over. I wasted about 18 years on it; I'm 22 now. My whole life, decisions were made for me, there was some kind of daily routine. And now, four days have passed since I'm supposedly an adult. I can do whatever I want. And I'm at a dead end. I don't know what to do next or where to start. I feel a sense of emptiness, as if my life is over. Even though the worst part of it—college—is behind me.

I'll tell you more about college. I was surrounded by scum. I've never met such horrible people. For four years, I was tormented by my peers and some of my teachers. All that time, I suffered terribly, and the side effects of levetiracetam made it even worse.

And then, July 2nd—graduating. A whole hour of suffering, trying to smile at these people in photos. I barely restrained myself from killing everyone. Now, after leaving, I'm tormented by regrets. Did I do the right thing by just quietly leaving? Maybe I should have told them all to get lost before I left? I regret not doing that. After graduation, I spent three days going over these thoughts and tormenting myself. I wish I hadn't gone there at all.

And you know what? I don't feel like an adult. What is "adulthood" anyway? What does it feel like to be an adult? Crying over bruises and expression lines—is that adulthood? I feel like I haven't changed at all. How did you know you were an adult and not a teenager? How can you even be an adult?

I have no plans for my life, I don't know what to do.

My relatives are offering to let me stay with them in the city, but my parents are advising me to stay home. I don't want to stay in my village because it's so boring. I've spent my whole life at home—there's simply nothing to do there. But my auntie's life in the city is probably more fun: there are places to go, places to work. There's no work in my village, unless you hitchhike to the neighboring one. They also offer shift work, but that means sitting in the same building for six months and wasting years of your life. $2,000 a month isn't worth it (for reference, the average salary in my country is $300). I know it's a lot of money, but what should I spend it on? It's better to live comfortably in the city and have fun.

And one more thing: what about my personal life? How can I work and have a good life at the same time? It's incompatible in my head: either work or a personal life. Think about it: I work 5 or 6 days a week. How am I supposed to find someone in the remaining 1 or 2 days? And what about rest? I simply won't have the energy for anything.

What's better: have fun first or find a serious relationship quickly? How do I even meet people? How do I have sex? I'm still a virgin. What if I turn out to be ugly or boring? What if I meet some idiot? What's it even like to live with another person? What should I talk about with him on a date or while living together? What if he cheats?

What should I do? Please give me a life guide. How did you even begin your adult life? Is being an adult boring? Do you regret the way you built your life?

I feel like people nowadays tend to be jealous rather than proud. It makes me wonder if pursuing your potential is worth it when it can feel so lonely. Does anyone else relate? And does love make it easier?

Mod i know i have low karma, pls let me be <3

I'm turning 51 today, and I don't like to celebrate my birthdays in the conventional way of things. I didn't even celebrate my 50th year. Until I met my partner I've roamed around with all kinds of people, partied hard, moving from one place to another, celebrated it with loads of people I no longer have in my life. It's the way I learned how to live.

I don't have many people in my life now. I have my partner and his family, but none of my own. I have a huge biological family, but standing up against the trauma and drama from my younger years have cut me off. Either I have cut some of them off because of their former mental or physical abuse, or my siblings have sided with our parents and pushed me out in the cold. Due to the divide and conquer style my parents raised us, we've always competed for their minimal grace, and now I am left with none.

Celebrating my birthdays always leaves me with this grief. The empty chairs that scream of my family's abscence. It reminds me that I've lost so much, that I've endured so much, that I'm oftentimes still reeling from the aftermath even as a grown person. I know I should be grateful for the people I do have in my life, but I'd rather appreciate them every other day than on my birthday. By gathering them on that day, I'm left with handling the grief overnight, which reverberates long into to the next few days.

My partner keeps wanting to invite though. And I probably should be happy for his eagerness to celebrate me, but I'm not. I don't want to sit and feel like a fraud. Needing to smile to comfort their needs to show their affection. I want to be doing the things I do when I enjoy my life, which is minding my own business, enjoying the quietude, tending my garden or reading a book. I want it to be just like any other day, without the noise and the attention. I hate being in the centre of attention when it's all about me as a person.

So, today I'm planning on doing the things that pleases me, but I feel guilty. I keep thinking I should do what society brands as a proper, to invite the people who love me, so they can satisfy their need to mark my day.
I'm so conflicted about this, but isn't birthdays also a time for acknowledging my own needs? A day where I do the things I like to do? A day where I appreciate what pleases me instead of giving in to the demands of others?

For the first time in a long time, I genuinely feel like I’m starting to move on. Since leaving the care system at 17 I’ve battled with years of instability and recently a relationship breakdown. For those year’s I tied my self worth into what other people have thought of me or acted towards me.

I was in a relationship for 3 1/2 years. Gave that woman the stability she needed to be able to get a career, start living a good life even if it meant the expense of my feelings.

The last few weeks (it’s been 5 so far) have shown me how much peace I’d been missing. I’ve had moments where I expected to fall apart, but instead have handled things calmly. I kept my boundaries, I focused on what needed doing. And I’ve started to feel like my life is actually mine again.

There’s still practical things to sort out. Belongings, moving, packing, awkward conversations with her mum. But emotionally, something has shifted. I don’t feel like I need closure from the other person anymore. Their behaviour has given me enough clarity.

I’m not angry in the same way I was, I’m not chasing answers. I’m not trying to be understood by someone who couldn’t meet me properly when it mattered (they’re the avoidant type).

I just want peace now. Stability. Growth. A clean space. A better routine. A version of myself that doesn’t abandon himself just to keep someone close.

For the first time, moving on doesn’t feel like something I’m forcing.

It feels like something that’s finally happening.

For months I was going to bed at 2–3AM no matter how many times I told myself “tonight I'll sleep early.” What finally worked was fixing my wake-up time first, same time every day including weekends. That resets your body clock way faster than forcing yourself to sleep early.

After about a week, I added a simple 30-min wind-down routine (phone away, dim lights, same order every night). Only in week 3 did I start moving bedtime earlier, in small steps.

Took about 30 days total to feel normal instead of forced.

I made a more detailed day-by-day breakdown with a tracker if anyone wants it, it'll be really helpful. Just comment or DM.

Hope it'll help everyone cuz it surely helped me as well!

I moved to germany this year for studying , I'm 19 . I have some game buddies online with whom I play games time to time and we're decent friends I guess . Last week we were playing and while talking I just randomly asked what phone she has and she said the iphone 17 pro max , she got it for her birthday I was like damn . For reference she is 17 and lives with her parents obviously , doesnt work or anything . She buys in-game skins often ( which I'm not really saying is bad or anything ) and that made me just think how much does she get as an *allowance* ? Just out of curiousty cuz allowance isnt really a common thing in a normal middle class family in my country unless the kid is studying and staying somewhere else from home . She was like I dont really have an allowance , my dad just sends me money . I work part time while studying and make like barely 1000 euros tops a month with which i pay my rent , insurance and everything else and I save from it aswell and I spend a bit on myself aswell be it anything digital or physical . But the thing amuses me is that I said damn thats a nice phone , she was like yeah its alright , in my head i was like broski thats like very expensive ass phone T-T .

All in all I've realised being financially good is way easier and more relaxed in first world countries , Like myself I'm able to sustain myself just by working part time and cant imgaine how good I'll live once my degree finishes haha T-T . For reference my father makes like 1.5x or 1.7x bit more than me ( as the currency is way weaker ) in a month working full time and trash working environment and unaccounted overtimes and post all expenses , house loans and everything there is barely anything left to save as something or the other comes and money is gone even after decades of working lol

I hope y'all make the best out of the opportunities you have :)

Sorry for this not being properly written in sequence , I was just thinking about it randomly and how new it was for me

Edit : I'm not tryna romanticize about the west or anything , I just had a random thought and I wanted to share it , yes people are poor here as well , people don't have job , people are in debt here as well . I've seen all of it in front of me and more than what you can mention , these developed countries have better opportunities

I wonder if this is the same for other people. Ever since I turned 30 and moved to a new city, I see my friends from home less, so the idea was of course to try and make new friends. However, I am so unexcited by meeting potential future friends. Everyone we as a couple or I as an individual meet up with falls short when compared to the long-term connections we already have. This comparison is of course unfair, but the problem is that it feels like even if you invest years into nurturing the new friendship, it'll never have the same level of trust, familiarity, and shared experiences.

When you're young, you go on adventures with your friends and have so many shared experiences where funny and obscure things happen, be it in school, going out, getting drunk, traveling together, going to a festival, etc. They still make you laugh no matter how often you rehash the same stories. And when you get together it always feels like you never spent a day apart.

Now, even after seeing some people for the 10th time, it still feels like all we do is make small talk. Because of that I am uninspired to get together with new people and instead prefer to see my old friends when I visit home or they visit me.

Does anybody have any advice on how to overcome this and make new friendships feel meaningful? The conversations are often so dull and they forget everything you told them in the last meetup because it's been 3 months. Also, it's really noticeable how self-centered many of these conversations are. Some people just go on and on about themselves in excruciating detail that you struggle to keep up with and don't even think about asking the 3 other people present a question about their lives.

We have two couples we'd consider new friends, but it's usually one of the partners in the couple talking and even interrupting their partner when they try to chime in or are asked a question directly by us. I've noticed this happening more and more, and maybe we indulge people too much, but I feel like a lot of them don't know how to have a balanced conversation that involves everyone. I miss the ability to easily meet up with people who mutually care about each other and each other's lives and express that interest.

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Honestly, I don't even know how to begin. Im not the type of guy who knows how to express emotions, hell i cant even keep any friends and it seems like all this time i have been the one pushing them away just to protect myself, i do not trust every single person for quite a long time and im not even proud of it but its just that everytime someone wants to connect with me as a friend, I kinda have this hidden ability to just vanish from them, while they were out there seeking for my connection as well. I dont wanna say this but I feel so bad now.

I cant undo it but recently had a brief interaction where the barriers of my "Solitude" had been broken without me even realizing. She was just there in an instant, no introduction, just a random purpose, random interaction and I could not comprehend what the hell just happened that someone literally walked into my life just like that for a brief moment and just left without knowing each others name, and from then on, I finally am open to emotions, I suddenly felt emotions like what the actual hell is happening, people are entering my life now, I mean i now seek for a connection i never even knew I could, am i just daydreaming? Was it just a nightmare?

I feel like everyone sees me as disinterested about everything social but this particular person entered briefly, a few hours, random topics, just random. And now everything had color, everything had a sound, and every people is not a blur for me anymore.

It's probably gonna be weird when I say this but the day that interaction happened, i did not care about everything around me, and just the conversation mattered for me, I loved the feeling of having to speak to someone randomly and having my energy intact and not drained (every people i meet drains me even if its just a "hello")

And then, the day ended. If I can call it anything, I'd say it was one heck of a dream because I dont know her at all, I never initiated for that kind of introduction because everything just happened. But why the hell can't i forget about it

I’m a male , early fifties, and I have not a single friend anymore. In my teens through my forties I was very popular and had many friends who I would see or at least talk to everyday. Something happened around 46 years old when I started removing myself from my friends for no apparent reason. It was like a switch, I basically stopped all contact with my friends, even lifelong friends I had since I was 10 years old. Eventually I was down to one last friend and recently he blocked me on all social media platforms and blocked my phone number. I know it’s me, I know I’m the problem. I just need a friend, and now it’s harder than ever to find one

Before anybody suggests therapy, I've tried it, multiple therapists, and had no results. Would really like advice on how to get my life together and help me figure out where I'm going wrong.

The negative:

I have been through hell in my personal life (too many details here to share). I was a social butterfly until COVID hit and now I hate meeting people because I feel like I see through them and it's better to be alone than surrounded by negativity. I feel pulled down and suffocated by everyone and everything around me. My "friends and family" are not my well wishers and are openly cynical about any initiative I try to take in life and put me down. I find myself having to shrink myself to a point I don't recognize myself for the people in my life and I've completely stopped sharing updates with anyone on what I'm doing because of this. I've lost my motivation and drive because life and the corporate world have delivered so many punches that I feel like I have given up. I lost my job and have been attempting freelancing to meet my financial needs but struggle with getting decent projects or even a job that I want to do, after all the BS and toxicity that I endured in my last job. If I get job offers they're low-balled to the point of being an insult. I'm chronically single and seem to only attract the wrong men despite wanting to settle down and start a family. Feels like everyone around me has put me in a box and don't want me to thrive to my full abilities. I am looking for an expat job to remove me from my environment but unfortunately have had no luck with that. I used to have a spark and twinkle in my eye that are gone no matter how hard I try to bring it back.

The positive:

Up until around a year ago, I was a senior business executive, always very popular among peers and admired for my work. Been described as the "life of the office" and "the girl with the great vibe". My education is from the best institutes and I have high qualifications. I have an excellent professional network built over a 15 year career. I'm very attractive (chubby but easily an 8/10) and have an engaging personality. I look much younger than I am and am often mistaken for someone in their 20s. Highly intelligent, too. I am a nurturing, caring and kind person and go above and beyond for people in my life. Will admit that I'm popular and people talk about me often - amongst themselves or with people I don't know (often have been approached randomly by people who recognize me because they know someone I know). My business acumen is amazing and I've helped build and deliver some excellent projects and avoid massive disasters. For example: My ex used to appreciate how unique, capable and talented I am, and depended on me for business advice.

I don't know where I'm going wrong. Trying to remove myself from a toxic situation/environment and instead find myself stuck deeper in it. I feel like I'm absorbing all the negativity being thrown my way and now I just don't have the will to fight it anymore. Any advice on self improvement or fixing my life would be appreciated at this point.

I was writing on lined paper and realized I didn’t have to stay within the lines. And then I realized how many invisible lines I’ve been following my whole life.

I’ve always been a person who has a strong sense of social rules. And I was journaling on a lined piece of paper where for some weird reason, I just started writing in a random manner not following any of the lines on the paper. I felt more free than usual.

Then I thought about it, that line was there to guide me and give me an idea of what way I should be writing, but it’s not a rule that I have to follow and how many times in life do we do things subconsciously thinking there’s no other way to do it.

We always think we cannot start again when we’re 30+40+ and doing a certain job. But the only thing that’s stopping us is our own lines in our head that we have created or society has ingrained in us.

It is truly never too late to start over or to start something you wanna start.

All your lines are invisible. You just have to decide to write your own way. It might look messier to some. But at least it’s you who’s making them.

I used to keep a lot of thoughts in my head plans, regrets, things I told myself I’d “fix later.”

But I noticed something weird: “later” never really arrives.

So I started doing something simple. I began writing short messages to my future self. Not motivational quotes or journaling—just honest notes like:

what I’m struggling with right now

what I’m avoiding

what I hope I don’t forget

And I set them to be opened weeks or months later.

What surprised me wasn’t the “motivation” part. It was how much more accountable I felt in the present, knowing I’d eventually have to face my own words again.

It kind of changed how I make decisions day to day.

Has anyone else tried something like this writing to your future self or documenting your mindset over time?

I think my life is getting better with the effort I’ve put on my academic success, I acquired a chance to travel to Netherlands for 19 days, learning robotics and automation engineering, I even acquired several top places in every mid-term or final exam in my class. But I’m slowly getting bored of what I’m doing, American dream feels aimless but I believe when I made it, everything will change. Let’s talk about why I feel unmotivated and this problem has been strangling in my mind for a very long time, I have to frankly admit that this is just because I’m winning too much too excess. Now I feel like if I don’t have gold medal I will die and depressed by the overcoming and overwhelming voices coming from people surround me, all I could do is studying until I made it to what I promise myself: a well prestigious university that my family can hang it on their mouth talking about it 24/7. But it is stressful, sitting on high expectations will make you fall down with faster acceleration that no one still stands to the last with you. And one thing which stressed me out was the companions I’m going with to Netherlands, they are all talented and have at least one global or domestic robotics competition certificate, but I have non. I should look up to them, keep my pace with them so I don’t get eliminated by the frontier developers . This is my recent experiences. I’m sorry I’m thinking the opposite of the optimistics. I gotta change.