u/Hot-Cell7299

Today was the first time I thought about suicide in a long time. It wasn’t even a really serious thought but just more of a “wouldn’t it be nice” thought.

Things are so difficult for me right now and I have no one. On top of that I have a 5 month old to care for so there’s so much pressure atp. I can’t just run away. I have a daughter.

My fiance hasn’t helped with our child one damn bit. I’m embarrassed for him! I can count on one hand how many times he’s changed her diaper. He’s never put her to bed. He’s never even put her down for a nap. At first I was okay with it being a new mom I wanted to do it all. Now, he’s gotten use to the luxury of not doing shit and no amount of asking will change anything. He doesn’t deserve to be a dad.

I stepped back from my career to take care of the baby and therefore all the housework and dinners automatically fell on me because I’m not working and have all the time in the world. Right? No. Wrong. I’m working two jobs right now. Three if you count making all the meals.

He has his cake and eats it too so why tf would he change anything or make a single effort???? Only a decent person would.

I regret everything. I wish I could just tap out because I failed. I’m the opposite of everything I worked for and hoped for as a kid. I don’t even recognize myself anymore.

I have to make myself so small to be around my fiance. A switch flipped as soon as we moved in together after I got pregnant. I’m with a fucking psychopath.

I’ve literally studied psychos (documentaries) since I was 14 trying to AVOID THIS EXACT FUCKING SCENARIO. So I guess I’m just a complete fucking idiot.

I finally had a kid and feel forced into this lifestyle that absolutely sucks.

Every moment of every day is accounted for. Running around like a chicken with my head cut off (I have a 5 month old) except for the 1 or 2 episodes of whatever I get to watch at the end of the night. Sometimes even that is disrupted.

I felt like a slave to society before this but now I just feel like a literal slave. Cheers to parenthood.

Coming back to this sub because I need people that understand me.

I have a 5mo old baby girl. To start off my mom was irritated I didn’t let her stay with me immediately after I gave birth. Her and I have had more downs than ups so I’m surprised she expected me to welcome her into my space at my most vulnerable. Appalling.

Anyways, there was an OB appt I had to go to and didn’t have childcare so I asked her to watch my baby for 2 hours. She was TINY. 2 months old. At that age they eat 24/7. I came home to my baby being pushed back and forth in her stroller… inside… just wailing because was so hungry and my mom basically ignoring her. Awful. Traumatized me.

A month or so after that she was begging to see her and my fiance and I needed some time alone so I dropped her off for 3 hours and we went to grab lunch. I came back to find out she didn’t change her diaper in the entirely of the time she had her. She said she was “too busy cuddling her.”

She neglected my daughter.

Now, she’s almost 6 months old and we saw my mom the other day. Again, her begging. She disregarded boundaries I set multiple times. Those boundaries being kissing my child’s lips and attempting to feed her actual food. Which is dangerous and not something I’m comfortable with yet. Doctors recommend waiting until 6 months anyways. I had to borderline yell to get her to stop trying to feed her.

Towards the end of the visit my baby is fussing, ready to go. She just says “ohhhh she hungry” and grabbed the bottle and tried to feed her when I said not to. She’s on a schedule. At that point I was fed up and ready to leave. She asked me when I was going to drop the baby off and I said never, I can’t trust her with her and went over what I just mentioned. She just responded with I’m going to get fed up and need her… lol no I won’t. Before this she was talking about how it’s “not fair” I get to spend all the time with the baby. LIKE WTF DO YOU MEAN ITS MY BABY.

I just said “you had your turn.”

The absolute disrespect is insanity. At that point I said to myself, never again.

My mom is a horrible attempt at a mother. I’m so irritated I have to deal with such idiocy.

Immediately after I gave birth she kept making fat comments and I had to tell her I’d stop talking to her if they continued.

It has been one thing after another. I’m done.

Thanks for reading.

Edit – I appreciate you all so much. Your responses have given me the clarity I needed to make the right next step in my and my beloved daughter’s life.

I cry every time I think about my baby growing up and I’m not historically a crier so this has been something else.

We did her “first meal” today. Just some bell pepper, ham and cucumber. She immediately grabbed the bell pepper, stuck it in her mouth and started gnawing. I was so shocked. (We’ve been doing the paci teethers with frozen milk to start then pureed fruit and veggies so that’s where she got the coordination.) I still didn’t expect her to catch on so quickly though.

She turns 6mo on Friday.

We’re converting my babies crib from the midi to a full size this weekend. :(

Send help.

What a wild ride. I had one hell of an experience in the first two months. Survival mode was an understatement.

My baby is about to be 6 months next week and around 4 months everything just got way better. We skipped the regression and nailed the schedule down. I feel like I just got more comfortable being a mom too.

I know my kid. I can gauge what’s wrong within a matter of seconds now if she starts to fuss. It’s just a whole new world on this end and I’m enjoying motherhood SO MUCH MORE.

So PSA to all the moms in the trenches: it’s so worth it.

CREATIVE FOLKS what are some of your ideas on a theme for bday #1?

I want something original and cute… If I see another “wild one” I’m going to go insane.

My top choices are “one in a million” with space as the theme or “one hit wonder” and putting my baby on an album cover for the invite.

February bday and her name is Sophia if anyone has any ideas for wordplay using her name.

My baby is 5mo’s. 6mo next week.

I have her on a consistent schedule that has her asleep by 7pm and up at 6am. Sometimes a bit earlier or later (I don’t wake her up, we just get up when she does.. maybe that’s the issue?). We got in the schedule follow her natural wake windows and internal clock. So is changing her schedule from a 6am to a 8am wake up going to be bad for her or does it not really matter if she’s still getting the same amount of sleep in a day?

I am not a morning person and would function so much better if we got up at 7-8. Is this possible???

How would I do this without disrupting her flow and making her over tired? Hoping to get this done without stretching wake windows 15 min at a time and doing it that way but if I have to I will. Any hacks?

I had to be away from my baby last Sunday night and have been trying to recover ever since.

I don’t have an “easy baby” when it comes to sleeping or eating. The two main functions. It’s honestly been hell since she was born. She’s 5 months.

I finally got it down to where she was consistently on a schedule. My life drastically changed for the better.

The little sleeps through the night minus one feed between 1-3am. After the hell I went through, this was truly a miracle.

Now, my husband knows what I do to put her back to sleep. It’s time consuming. Not fun. Lots of rocking and patting if she doesn’t immediately fall asleep post bottle. He knows how it goes, yet last Sunday he decided to say f it and take her out of her room and into the living room to pop in her favorite show since he couldn’t get her back to bed. I’ve been trying to recover from that for over a week. She gets all excited when I take her out of her crib to feed her thinking we’re gonna go chill in the living room.

He hasn’t helped with the caregiving of this infant for more than 10 min at a time. He didn’t take pat leave for more than two days. Yet the audacity and the absolute pure laziness of this action that has left me with this sort of repercussion just irritates the hell out of me. I’m starting to resent this situation. I can’t be the best I can be if my tank is always empty. I’m not having a second.

Signed a mom that just rocked her baby back to sleep for 3 hours.

What is the one thing either intentional or accidental that was implemented in your relationship that changed it drastically for the better?

I’m talking things like “I started opening the door for him when he got home from work to give him a kiss and it’s been roses and butterflies ever since.”

I’m with the love of my life. That I’m sure of. We started out with a whirlwind romance, hit a few bumps and we’ve made a ton of progress. We’ve both made it clear we choose each other. Now I just want to keep progressing in the right direction and hear from some ladies in long-term happy marriages. Show me yours ways haha.

I’m having a hard time coping with the lifestyle around motherhood. LO is 5 months.

I feel like we can’t do anything anymore. Beach? Two failed attempts. Bowling? Too loud and overstimulating, even with earmuffs. Hiking? Too boring. Doesn’t love containers.

Everything is planned in between naps and between bedtime which is 7pm.

Vacations? Maybe in two years.

My man works insane hours and goes to bed at the same time as the baby. Wakes up at the crack of dawn on the weekend out of habit and takes a nap at the same time as the baby (lol).

So I’m just left here taking care of everyone and everything bored out of my mind. Considering starting a biz to keep me occupied because I can’t do this. Hell no.

FTM to a 5 month old and I miss doing something productive outside of the house.

For those of you that started a business by yourself while your baby is under a year old, did you regret it at the end of the day?

I’m just trying to fully think this through and imagine it before diving in. Owning a business is another full-time job. Although it does has some flexibility since you are the owner.

I guess my real dilemma is I want to hear from moms that may or may not have rethought their entire decision after making the leap and the business being successful.

So I probably have an advantage because becoming a mom has been a dream of mine ever since I was a little girl. Not like I sat there planning it out though.

Parenting (especially when super young) is one of the most insane challenges I’ve taken on so far. It’s one of the trickiest games of chess I’ve ever played. Much has been learned.

The upmost resilience I’ve pulled out of thin air at 3am deserves a metal. My temperament with meltdowns is 10/10. I do an impeccable job entertaining my little.

I knew I would be good but I’m genuinely proud of how great of a mom I am.

Anyone else?

Salut.

I keep convincing myself it’s not a problem and a completely normal thing to have a glass after work. I went to rehab in 2023. Every time my life starts to look up I grab a drink and the house of cards almost falls every single time. I’m disappointed in myself for not wanting more out of life.

I turned weed and alcohol into a reward in my mind. Starting at a very young age. At 15 I convinced myself if I did everything I needed to do for the day then I deserved to smoke before bed. I had not idea the long term repercussions this would have on my life.

I guess just need to switch it out for something else but 10 years in the making I’m a little worried if I’m be able to rewire my brain. I’m at a loss.

I’ve come to the realization that being a STAHM isn’t all it’s hyped up to be lol. Not working is not something I was used to. It’s something I loved to do. The social aspect was a bonus.

Now that I’m 4 months into motherhood the isolation is setting in.

We don’t have endless funds to sign up for a bunch of baby classes to keep us busy. That was my original plan but the reality isn’t possible. Maybe one class a week is what we can do, comfortably. So that solves one day a week. But what about these other days?! What’re some free activities that we’re doing outside of the house??

I found a couple shorter hikes near me I’m going to start partaking in now that she’s a bit older and seems to do well in a carrier. Plus the photos are going to be amazing.

We do a ton of perusing, I’m sick of it. Malls, stores, coffee shops, etc. I also do a ton of parks. Show her other children exist lol (first child problems).

When she gets a bit older we can just be creative at home which is awesome but this period when she can’t sit/walk but is aware and active with her hands is actually kind of brutal. NEED IDEAS.

Around 3 months my baby got more comfortable with being outside the womb and living life. I could see a physical change in temperaments and how much she trusted me.

That meant I didn’t have to wait til she was in a deep sleep to transfer, in fact that played against me at the end of the day. She would get into a deep sleep in my arms and I would try to transfer, wake her then start over but that process was just waking her more and more every time that 50% of the time she was wide awake from my attempts and 1-2 hours would have passed.

I started transferring when sleepy but awake. She knows it’s coming and settles herself in her crib / falls asleep. I could have saved myself HOURS knowing this. It feels off doing it for the first couple times but once you see them just fall asleep completely on their own you’ll be wondering why you didn’t try sooner. First time mom problems.

I’m the type of person that gets things “just in case.” I’d just rather have it and not need it than need it and not have it. Especially for my baby.

There is sooo much that goes into raising a child. From teethers to three different types of diapers depending on the occasion. At first I had straight paralysis since there’s just too much on the market. I had a ton gifted to me then filled in the blanks. Now I’m just happy spending because things are “so cute.”

My baby is going to have toys and clothes for the next two years at the rate I’m going at and honestly theres no shame since it’s being spent on my baby. I think that’s the issue.

Then again I saw this post about two parents that didn’t buy their child a single toy and she’s just grabbing sticks and calling them various objections and I’m like… maybe that’s the way to go? Or maybe that’s kind of sad? Is there a happy medium?? Buying so many toys that my little doesn’t have to practice using her imagination sort of worries me.

I had a very vivid first love experience. I was lucky. It was something I can’t even describe. What we experienced was magical. What I have now doesn’t compare even an ounce of what I felt the first time. I thought it did obviously, that’s why I’m here, but two years and a child later and I’m sitting here thinking about how if I just didn’t fuck everything up (he… really) then things would’ve been so different right now. I would be waking up with a love I could only dream up with the man of my dreams. Someone that truly respects me. Honors my presence and cherished every moment of my existence, someone that truly loved me.

I’m with a narcissist that is very hot and cold.

I cry quite often thinking about how badly I fucked up not playing my cards differently with the love of my life.

I don’t know what I’m looking for with this post honestly. Not advice. Maybe someone can relate.

Edit/ for* dear life***

I’m not talking about getting a slightly different model of a car, I’m talking complete 1-80 in life after something (or a series of events) didn’t work out in your favor.

I’ll go first, abso-fucking-lutely. I was a dream chaser with a business mogul mindset and I studied hard to become something great then I got into a nearly fatal car accident. Got a traumatic brain injury and had to relearn how to walk/talk. It took me years to recover. The settlement I got for it was only 100k since I didn’t sue and that eventually ran out. Now I’m a stay-at-home mom to a 4 month old little girl that lives in a trailer park (for now). I’m not mad, just a bit surprised I guess. Life just doesn’t turn out the way you plan sometimes. It sucks. I’m just hoping it somehow works out far better than I could ever expect in ways that are completely unexpected.

Over the last couple of days my little is back to flailing her arms in between sleep cycles and will be up for an hour doing this before falling back asleep if I don’t intervene.

Is this part of the month 4 sleep regression???

What do it do? She’s able to turn on her side and absolutely hated swaddling from day one so we stopped pretty early. We were swaddling her with her arms out for a bit then we started cosleeping and she’s been just sleeping in a onesie with us.

Anyone else had every chance in the world to make something of themselves and just fumble the bag so hard you can’t even believe it..?

Ok not every chance. I mean my parents divorced young, they’re both extremely narcissistic, I had to start working at 15 and basically had no support financially, mentally or emotionally since I was 12 so there’s that.

Although I do have great genetics and the reasons above are no excuse. I could’ve done anything and I ended up in the most sad excuse for a life.

Shit relationship. Shit place to live. No career since I had to quit to provide childcare for my daughter. Close to nothing in my bank acct- 5k but if anyone knows how fast that can go it’s me. Now I feel trapped in this life I didn’t ask for.

I was/am so smart too. Did great in school. Top employee at my jobs. Threw it all away because I was depressed for a couple years after a brain injury (car accident). I now just sit here in my sorrows waiting for it all to end. I love my daughter of course but I feel I’m an embarrassment.