I am 6 weeks pregnant, home with a toddler and last night we night weened. So neither of us slept well. Usually Thursday is my cleaning day where I deep clean a room or 2, but I just can’t today. Validate my decision please yall!
Edit: you are amazing women, thank you for the support. Cutting myself some serious slack.
I did vacuum though…😂
I love everything about my life. We are so privileged, have a great village, live in a great new city that we love, I have two amazing kids that I’m fortunate enough to spend every day with, watching them learn and grow and thrive.
AND!!!!
I’m 3 days from my period. Stuck inside because of the rain. Can’t go to the gym because my youngest‘s nose is running like a faucet and, even though I think it’s allergies and she feels fine, I’m not going to be that guy. I‘ve been dying to get some deep decluttering done and keep unpacking/organizing, and thought today would be a good day for it but NO! Because she can’t just BUILD magnatiles, she needs to build STAIRS with magnatiles and she needs HELP “climbing” the stairs, and I NEED to LOOK at EVERY iteration of the stairs. And my oldest thinks that, because our routine is off today, that it’s time to watch TV for some reason??!! So much whining. So much “Mama, watch this! Mama, I need… Mama, I want… Mama, my sister did X Mama, wipe my butt! Mama, the song is over. Mama, I’m bored. MAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMA”
Everything is sticky and loud and touching me and whining.
Thank you for coming to my depressing TED talk. I hope your day is going a million times better than mine 🫶
Hi all,
I’m a SAHM to a 3.5yo and 11mo. I’ve been struggling with some postpartum depression after some severe sleep deprivation the last 11 months due to my exclusively breastfed baby not sleeping through the night and my 3 year old starting preschool and bringing home every sickness to me and the baby. Some nights I’m up every hour-ish, some nights I’m up for a chunk of time (like12-4) and on a good night I am up around 1-3 and then again at 5.
I do 100% of the night wake ups for both kids and no matter how little sleep I get it doesn’t change my day responsibilities. My husband still goes to work and comes home like nothing happened and admittedly I’m starting to lose it. I’m sooooo short fused and tired and mean. I’m not someone I recognize. I look old and rundown. I hate who I have become and what motherhood looks like for me.
I see a therapist weekly and she’s suggested medication, but my husband isn’t on board since I’m breastfeeding. My therapist has also suggested outpatient treatment but they are hours a day and my husband doesn’t think we can accommodate the childcare. So I’ve been managing and some days are better than others.
But on the days I’m really struggling, I set my husband off so badly. I get to the point where I can’t take the feeling anymore and I explode. He calls me names ( cry baby, bitch, lazy, cunt, demon), he gets physical but not usually in a way that hurts. More like shameful (hit me on the head with a book, poured a bag of popcorn over my head). He has thrown me into a wall and house plant and put his elbow into my throat, but those were all in response to things I was doing so I can’t say I didn’t deserve it. (The wall/plant was because I slapped him. I never get physical but he said I was making up my ppd because I was a lazy bitch who hates her kids, I just saw red. It’s no excuse, I know. I can’t even believe I did it). He’s intimidating and aggressive and scary. He’ll punch himself in the face, or break the vacuum into bits, or hit the table so hard screws fall out. I try to keep my cool and deescalate. I apologize, I go to confession, I beg for forgiveness.
Anyway, we had another fight tonight after an almost sleepless night. He has rules for my mom and family that his mom and family don’t necessarily have. I got mad and took it too far I guess. He said I was pushing him, I was trying to lead him outside (the fight was about flowers) so he elbowed me in the throat and pushed me up against the wall. My daughter was crying (she didn’t see anything but could tell we were elevated) and he said “mommy isn’t well”.
When he loses his patience I take the kids outside and let him cool down. I never make him look bad in front of my kids. I feel stuck and trapped. Sometimes I want to leave so bad. But other parts of me feel like the worst mom ever and I’d be taking my kids away from a father that they love who loves them. He’s patient with them and never loses his temper. Not like me. I feel so lost and scared and alone.
He’s not always so extreme. He’s honestly a really kind and loving man most of the time. He says he loves me and I know we used to be in love right? What do I do?! I’ve tried behaving. I just get so tired and worn out and I snap. I know I sound so lame and weak and I’m so sorry. I love my kids more than anything. I just want to do what’s right for them.
Anyways, thanks for listening. I’m so sorry to even be putting my business out on the internet. I just have no friends or family I can talk to about this.
I am in a really great position to be able to stay home with my infant. We are renting from my Inlaws and our goal is to save enough over the next year or two to go buy our first home. My inlaws don't live in the house with us, and our relationship with them is a bit rocky. But we are making it work. Any and everyone I talk to about our situation immediately jump to "move out, your inlaws are bad people, just leave" well we cant right now and its only for another year or two. "Then get a job, pay for daycare, give your baby formula and stop complaining, clearly you cant afford to be a SAHM"
Its so frustrating... My husband makes great income, me going back to work would result in my income paying for the $1800+ daycare costs. I would only have maybe a few hundred extra to put towards savings, and that's dependamt on the job I get and the hours I would have to work. I don't trust anyone but my husband and I to watch our child. I would also have to pump tons of breastmilk and pumping negatively affects my mental health, formula isn't right for my family, and that's ok.
I wish people stopped acting like life is so black and white. That if its not perfect then you have to do what they say to make it perfect, even when their suggestions would just create more chaos in your life. Heaven forbid you complain in this economy, suddenly you're a terrible mom for being at home with your child 😒
What the title says - I had a whole spiel here but decided it was unnecessary lol
I guess I just need to rant and also am looking for some advice. I gave birth almost a year ago and am currently pregnant again. We made the mistake of getting a dog while I was unknowingly pregnant, thinking we were waiting another year to have kids. The same week we got her, I found out I was pregnant just a few days after we brought her home.
The shelter told us she was “mostly potty trained”. Turns out that meant not potty trained at all! I spent the majority of my first trimester picking up shit and piss while dealing with morning sickness, and oh my God the smell. I immediately began to feel resentment for this dog but assumed it would go away after pregnancy.
I developed severe postpartum pet aversion. Everything this damn dog does annoys me. She has reoccurring hemorrhoids so what used to be an enjoyable walk around the block everyday now turns into my dog abruptly stopping 100 times before she actually takes a dump. I don’t even want to take her on walks anymore. I find myself slowly giving her more and more of the bare minimum. She’s overall a well mannered dog but when she growled and bared her teeth at my baby for standing near her bed it invoked a hatred in me that I didn’t know I had! The smell sensitivity also never went away. I feel like giving birth made me a clean freak and now I’m constantly scrubbing and washing everything because I am afraid it all smells like dog! I don’t even pet her because the dog smell gets on my hands and makes me nauseous.
It also adds another layer of difficulty to parenting because I never want to leave my son alone with her for even a split second. So my pregnant ass is carting my 25 pound toddler up and down our 4 level split all day.
I am so grateful we got her as an 8 year old rescue. I am secretly longing for the day she crosses the rainbow bridge. My husband and son love her along with the nieces and nephews so I am glad she gets some attention from them. I feel horrible that I do feel this way. I wish it wasn’t happening. I miss being a dog lover but I simply never really want another dog again. I am also soo relieved that she doesn’t bark. If she did, I think I’d have gotten rid of her months ago because that would have been too much for me. Before having kids, I loved dogs and could tolerate everything they did. Now the juice just isn’t worth the squeeze if it makes sense.
I feel hesitant to rehome because she’s a 10 year old rescue with health issues. I don’t think she’ll get adopted by anyone else and I don’t think she will live more than another few years. A part of me respects her enough as an animal and a life to keep her here even though I don’t enjoy her presence much.
I’m a SAHM to a 7 and 4 year old with another one on the way. I also homeschool. I’ve lived in Florida my whole life but my husband got a job offer in a different state and painted an amazing picture of more money, more financial freedom, travel, etc.
He accepted the offer before we knew we were pregnant. Both our families live in Florida and now that we are in a new state, we have no “village “. I’m miserable here, hormonal, lonely, and want to move back home. I’ve expressed my feelings to my husband and he has said this is a 2-3 year plan. We have only been here for about 5 months and I can’t even stand to be here for another 6 months let alone 2-3 years. I cry everyday and all I want to do is run back “home”. I try to be strong for my kids but I’m finding it very difficult to find any joy right now. I am in the process of finding a therapist to talk to. I’ve asked him if this is something he could work remotely or travel back and forth for but that’s not what HE wants. So I just have to live here and be miserable because he’s happy in his job?
I’m a mom to a 4-year-old and I am officially at my breaking point. I don’t even know how we got here, but the toys have just… taken over. It feels like we’re living in a toy store that exploded.
My kid leaves a trail of chaos everywhere he goes, and I’m drowning in it. The hardest part? I have no idea what to toss vs. what to keep because he genuinely seems to play with everything. Even the random junk I haven't seen in months suddenly becomes his favorite the moment I think about donating it.
To all the moms who are in the trenches or have survived this phase, how are you actually organizing the toys, books, and the endless mountain of plushies?? I just want my house back. Any advice before I lose my mind??
How did you know it was the right time to leave corp American to become a sahm? Did you ever return to work? Is 4ms PP too early to tell? Did you regret anything at all?
Hi everyone! I’m a new SAHM (starting tomorrow!) to a 5mo and I’m nervous!
I was on sick leave for the past month 2-3 months due to C-section complications and now PPD/PPA which meant my husband stayed home and helped. I’m also a SAHM because I moved to a new country and have been unable to get a job the 5 years I’ve been here so we decided this route would be best.
Unfortunately I am some sort of neurospicy (unable to get a diagnosis here) which means I’ve been struggling with depression and my energy levels are low so my husband has been taking care of most cleaning/cooking duties.
I want to show up as the best possible wife/mother now that husband is going back to work but I’m worried about this new season of my life. So I’m coming here to ask if anyone has any tips/advice/mantras they’d like to share!
As a side note I don’t live in the U.S. and have to cook a lot of things from scratch 😅
The weather is unfortunately very rainy right now and I’m unable to carry our stroller in and out of our area and have fallen down our stairs outside a few times (once while I was pregnant!) so i dont quite trust carrying baby down our stairs so going for walks isn’t in the picture until we get the porch fixed 🥲
I’ve been a SAHM for about 3.5 years. I have a 3.5year old, a 20 month old, and a 12 year old step child. I’m basically a SAHM by necessity because I’ve never had a job that will come even close to covering the cost of childcare for all three kids (step kiddo lives with us full time), and I can’t justify going (further) into debt just for childcare.
I don’t have a village. I don’t have my parents nearby, and even if I did, I don’t think they’d be much help. My in-laws are much the same.
I rarely, if ever, get time to myself. My older kid will not go to bed before nearly nine (11 if he takes a nap), and both little ones are up by 7am.
I used to be so active, but I can barely find time to stretch, let alone actually exercise. I have to fight to get a shower every day, and I feel so angry and frumpy. I’ve tried to apply for part time jobs, but I’ve been completely rejected because I don’t have a current resume, despite having a degree and multiple certifications. I have an Etsy shop, but I barely have time to stock it.
I just feel so lost and behind in life. I just turned 33, and I don’t feel like I have a single thing in life figured out. Does anyone have any advice on how to make this suck less? I don’t want my kids’ childhood to be defined by a mother who’s barely holding on, and I don’t want to feel like this anymore.
I've been a SAHM for almost a year, finically we think we can swing it until she's 3. However, I'm finding that some men just don't value SAHMs at all, and it's quite alarming. I'm not going to lie and say I have an amazing and supportive husband, because truthfully some days are tough and he does make snide remarks, some of which have been especially hurtful. I just don't understand why some men have such an issue being the sole breadwinner and are acting like allowing their wife to be a SAHM is doing them a favor. It seems like more men these days were raised to put women down. We're not getting divorced but it's definitely made me see him in a new light.
Husbands to SAHMs think it's easy because they get to see their child 2-4 hours a day on weekdays and it's usually the easier part. I'd love to see those who don't value their wife take a full 12 hour shift with no break. For the SAHMs doing this long term with unsupportive husbands, I hope you're stashing away some money in a bank account in your name only, even if it's just to treat yourself without having to ask. This is hard work and no one deserves to feel like they're lesser
For the better or worse, how did your day-to-day (or big picture) lives change after deciding to become a SAHM, both as an individual and/or as a family?
My husband and I just had our first baby — he’s 3 months old — and I’m having such a hard time deciding whether I should go back to work or stay home.
If I’m being completely honest with myself, I think I want to leave my job and be a SAHM, especially since we plan to have more kids in the future. But I work in corporate America making around $185k/year with amazing benefits, and it feels almost silly to walk away from that kind of income and stability.
My husband makes around $200k/year, but his benefits aren’t great, so we’d likely move to a Christian healthcare plan if I left my job and for future pregnancies/babies. Financially we will be fine, but it still feels scary giving up that large amount of money.
I think the hardest part for me is imagining going back to being in an office 5 days a week with an hour commute each way and only getting a couple hours a day with my baby. At the same time, I’m scared of regretting giving up income.
For moms who left high-paying careers to stay home — do you regret it? Or was it worth it for you?
When I shared the decision that I wanted to be a SAHM to my mother in law she immediately voiced her opinion about how I’m wasting my degree, how SHE loves working, how that’s going to be hard on my husband etc etc. Clearly was against my choice. Two years later and I’m still loving my choice :-)
She has a big career and always has. Always had Nannie’s and au pairs. She never asks me how it’s going being a SAHM, but she will ask the person next to me how work is.
Lately she has been trolling SAHM reels on Instagram and I can see what she comments.
“My friends who didn’t work, don’t have the respect of their kids”
“You should work so you have a good relationship”
“SAHMs are shaming working moms” ???
This goes on day after day. I can’t believe this grown woman is doing this and knows her daughter in law is one and could see her comments. How am I suppose to face this woman who thinks kids don’t respect SAHMs? She was never around for her kids growing up because she values independence and her career over everything. I’m truly at a loss for words
How much is your partner doing around the house after work / on their days off? Do they handle any overnight feeds (for young babies), any diaper changes, or any of household maintenance and chores?
Is being a SAHM really supposed to be mom takes on 100% of chores and childcare and father just works and then relaxes in at home?
my baby is currently 4m1w old and has been pushing herself around on her back and turning her body she also will push off my leg when behind her while on tummy time, she rolls from belly to back and has for a few months but has recently stopped and will reach for toys in front of her and shift her weight and kick her feet but will get frustrated and lay down and cry but doesnt roll over anymore, she can also get onto her side when on her back but will not roll over, i talked to her pediatrician about and she told me that babies pause skills when learning new thing sometimes and some baby's won't roll from back to belly until they crawl and to put a rolled towel/blanket or a boppy pillow under her to encourage her and help teach her to tuck her knees and push all the way up on her arms(which she does occasionally), she was rolling from belly to back by two months and only stopped about a week or two ago but still will occasionally and is refusing to roll to her belly unless assisted, people have told me as well as her pediatrician that she could be an early crawler, so when did your babies crawl and do you guys agree and if so how can i help her
Hi everyone, I am a kind of new SAHM to a 2.5 year old and 11 month old. I stopped working back in January to be a SAHM, and the first few months were fine, but the last 2 months have been the worst time of my life.
To preface, my 2nd has still not slept through the night, and has gone through some awful sleep regressions that I swear have traumatized me. My first was STTN by 6 months and has always been a decent sleeper. My 2nd has also always had an irregular nap schedule no matter how hard we tried, and has been down to one nap a day for about 2 months now. He still wakes up 2-3 times a night for a bottle. We have tried no bottle at night and he won’t go back to sleep. He goes down at 10am for nap, and my toddler goes down between 10:30am-11am for nap. They both have a bedtime at 6pm, this has always been the schedule since my oldest was 6months, and trying to keep them up later results in an earlier morning. Currently we are up around 5:30am everyday. I don’t have the willpower to try different bed times now to see if they will sleep in later as I am pouring from an empty glass.
I am completely burnt out and exhausted. Every day is so long and so hard. My husband is a great help when he gets home from work, and gives me decompression time after he gets home, but it still doesn’t feel like enough. I genuinely feel like I’m the worst mom every single time I lose my shit or yell. My toddler does normal toddler things that I could handle if I was functioning properly, but as I said earlier, I am pouring from an empty glass. I can’t tell if I’m struggling with anxiety, depression, or just plain overwhelm. I have ADHD and am medicated but it feels like it does nothing to help anymore. I can’t stop my brain or stop the noise. The constant noise is what is driving me insane. Of course kids are going to make noise, but lately all of the noise is too much I want to turn it all off. I try so so hard to make sure my kids are eating healthy, limited screen time, getting outdoors, doing activities, etc. but it’s so exhausting. I’m so withdrawn and disconnected from them because of the overwhelm.
I so badly want to work out, and we even have an at home gym set up, but I can’t get through any work outs because either my toddler is constantly screaming “mommy, mommy, mommy!!!” or my youngest is doing normal baby things and getting into stuff.
I want to go on walks but I dont feel safe walking with two young kids by myself as I am a young woman. I can’t protect all of us if something were to happen. I can’t take them to the park by myself for the same reason.
All outings are so stressful that I find myself just wanting to stay home even if I’m going insane being stuck at home. But the meltdowns and tantrums in public actually send me into a spiral. Keeping two kids regulated in public seems impossible.
They are not bad kids at all. But fuck, this is so so hard. Anytime I yell or lose my cool, I feel completely fucking awful and swear I won’t do it again. But then an hour later my toddler has kicked her younger brother again and it enrages me.
I’m so scared to ruin my kids or to make them scared of me because of my emotional outbursts. How the fuck can I regulate two young kids when I can’t even emotionally regulate myself?
I am in therapy and have done so much work on myself. I was doing amazing a year ago, and now I am the worst I have ever been.
I need help.
SAHM to a 2.5 year old and 6 month old. Former STEM career. We live off my husband’s teacher salary now. He is a hard worker- works after school and summer school, but we don’t have much disposable income. It is sustainable now but not long term.
He has talked many times about looking for a new job. He mentions he is burnt out in the school system. But he hasn’t applied to anything. Tonight he said “You wish I made more money” to which I responded “Don’t you?” I want to be supportive of his teaching career, but he will also mention things about homeschooling and us building a house at some point. Neither of this could be done only on his current income. He has always been the dreamer while I am the realist.
I’m just confused on how to support him in his career while also expressing my desire of him to try something else in a non-degrading way.
I'm getting tired of cooking I have a 4 year old and a 8 year old, I usually cook everyday or every other day but there's a lways left overs and my 4 year old is super picky , I'm really getting tired of cooking especially they're things going on with my health I suffer from constant migraines and brain fog (yes I recently gotten an MRI done, and got my blood drawn, waiting for test results) I want my husband and kids to come home to a good meal that's good for picky eaters please help !