u/Excellent_Water3480

I see a lot of posts on here talking about how boring and routine sahm life can be, although I too struggle with it even with these “tricks” I’ve adapted I thought they might be worth sharing.

First we leave our city. I go grocery shopping or run errands in the surrounding cities/ neighborhoods to ours so it doesn’t feel like I’m going to the SAME grocery store, same post office, etc. every day/ week. To add to that, unless it’s something I can exclusively get online. I do a lot of my shopping in person, it gives us something to do out of the house.

Same for library’s and playgrounds. I’ll drive out to different ones all over our state even, and treat it as a mini “day trip”. Pack some lunch/ snacks and a blanket to chill on and we’ll spend the whole day out. Rather than just going to our local playground 4 times in the same week.

We request museum, aquarium, indoor playground memberships for our family at holidays so we have multiple options to rotate out instead of choosing only 1-2 that we can afford. (Also helps keep the house from getting overran with toys).

I clean while the kids are awake!! Yes some days are easier then others and yes there some days I get one thing cleaned and turn around just to find a new mess, BUT reserving nap time for “me” has given me so much time to get back into some of my hobbies and not feel so “lost” to motherhood. Even if it’s not something I can get to EVERY day making sure I prioritize it when I can has been a game changer for my mental mood. (Including them in the cleaning is usually helpful too: washing dishes, let my toddler sit on the counter and scrub a plastic cup for 20mins she loves soap/bubbles and water, need to wipe the counters/ appliances down: give them spray bottle with water and a paper towel, mine runs around the kitchen drenching everything but it’s just water and dries 30mins later anyway)

I know this one might be a bit silly and seem obvious, but even on days we stay home just getting out on the porch so we’re not trapped IN the house, lighting a candle, or opening the windows and blinds for some fresh air and sunlight seriously can give the house such a “refreshed” feeling.

I don’t necessarily think I’m a medium or anything of that nature but I have always had a sense that sprits like to “mess” with me for lack of a better term. As a kid I would “lose” things and tear the entire house apart to just find it 20mins sitting on my desk where I checked 50 times already. Or spare change would randomly be laying around my room when I knew for fact no one else had been home or in my room.

My dad moved several times throughout my childhood and we definitely had what we all consider to be paranormal type encounters. Some felt “innocent” some had a very heavy dark energy to them.

The house I currently live in doesn’t have a “haunted” feeling at all, but I do often see shadow figures out of my peripheral vision that will dart across my hallway or move between corners in my living room. The interesting part is they’re often very short almost toddler like in height. Not your typical “shadow man” stereotype of a shadow figure. They have no energy to them that I pick up on good or bad. Just very neutral almost like “they” don’t want to interact with me.

I’m wondering if I could get some insight on the meaning of things like this. Or ways to protect myself. I’m honestly a bit scared of spiritual type things as I know there can be a very dark and dangerous side. I don’t want to feed energy into opening something I cannot close out of ignorance/ lack of understanding or “strengthening” my connection to the spiritual world, but also don’t want to act like there is no connection…if that makes sense.

For added context: my dad and his side of the family have a DEEP connection and have seen full blown sprits that will psychically interact and talk with them, again both good and bad. They are very religious and catholic, I was raised that way as well but it wasn’t forced onto me and most of my family no longer practices regularly, but still hold some relationship with “God” (to include myself). My dad was an alter boy and even was made to participate in an exorcism as a CHILD. He has only brought it up 1-2 times in my life and gets this look of intense fear when he brings it up and has never been willing to relive it, or give details other then the simple fact that it happened.

I’ve been pretty good lately at binging on healthy foods like fresh fruit/ veggies, etc. I started buying precut/ cleaned options which was game changer as previously whole produce often ended up just being thrown away, so the “extra” expense is worth it for me.

The problem is that often causes me to binge worse as I’m not getting the “satisfaction” of eating my cravings….or I just end up going for those things after the fresh produce then essentially I just “double” binged.

Any low cal “junk food” suggestions. Rice cakes and veggies aren’t cutting it in terms of “damage control” for me. I want something that FEELS like I’m eating real food. (Also preferably not too much prep/ cooking involved as I mentioned my binges are almost always on whatever is convenient/ fast, not just necessarily I have available)

My SD is 7 and bio daughter who is shared between DH and I is 2. We typically plan “family” outings/ events around when SD will be present. I’m worried about giving my bio daughter some kind of complex where grows up thinking “they only plan fun stuff bc SD is over” or “I wish for ONCE we did something when I wanted to do not when SD custody allows it”

While also trying to balance SD not feeling like a did something and “left her out” or that we “favor bio daughter”
and before anyone mentions “she does stuff with BM” they don’t…BM is VERY hands off and has had way more children then she can comfortably provide for based off the things SD has told and she has disclosed in court. (I don’t think “her car”, that she claims is technically owned by her current, and 4th BD even fits their entire family at once as it’s a Sudan and she three other infants/ toddlers on TOP of SD who needs a booster seat) The idea of them doing some kind of “family event” is not really a situation I see suddenly appearing.

Also adding in talking more about “expensive” outings like going to the pumpkin patch for the day, sporting events, birthday parties, etc. NOT trip to the playground or surprise ice cream parlor trip on a hot day.

My ex recently moved without giving me any /notice. Per our agreement (and state law) we are both required to give a 30 day notice with updated address. When I reminded her of that I was told the move was “last min” and she did not even know 30days out. She provided the address after I sent a copy of our custody agreement over because she initially kept repeating she wasn’t “required” to provide it, and that it was up to her “choosing” if she wanted to share it or not.

Regardless, the move also requires our children to change schools/ doctors. I have reached out three times now in the last 2 months asking for the updated information and my ex ignores my texts. I also have not received anything from the school which she informed our children (but not me) would be starting this Monday. Not a welcome letter, nothing from their teachers, etc. My ex did inform me she would be enrolling them online per “school policy” and assured I would be added as a parent/ contact, when I had asked to present for the enrollment process. We share joint legal so all of those decisions have been made unilaterally and our youngest son is on the spectrum and requires IEPs/ more frequent dr visits I am SUPPOSED to be apart of as well.

For added context: my ex has already been held in contempt previously for withholding visitation.

AND last school year we went through the same exact issue but she waited until I spent money on a lawyer and getting her served through a third party at one of our exchanges with contempt for withholding school/ medical information to finally text me the information, by the time we went to court the judge said “well know you now so what’s the issue” and basically scolded my ex for not communicating in a “timely manner” and scolded me for “wasting” the courts time…. Not verbatim but that was the gist of it.

I don’t repeat the same “waste” of time and money going through that again, or continue to upset our judge, but this cannot keep happening.

I was recently joking with my sisters how Chick-fil-A never ACTUALLY makes me full after eating it. Then they told me they actually felt the same way.

I almost ways have to order a meal and add an extra sandwich or nugget on the side….even then I’m still hungry and hour or two later.

I know technically speaking calorie wise it provides more than what’s “needed” for an average meal unless you get maybe just a cool wrap or some other low cal option and don’t get any fries/ calorie dense drink.

Wondering if anyone can relate lol? Or suggestions/ hacks for it to feel more “filling”.

I know this may be a dumb question… but I’m getting out of the military with a TS//SCI and POLY.

I CANNOT go back to working in windowless, soul sucking SCIF. I don’t necessarily want to throw everything I worked for and gained in the military away, but this style of work has left me burnt out…Before I commit to full career change and then regret losing my clearance. (Reserves or guard is not something I really want to do either, I’m pretty burnt out of the military as a whole)

For added context: I have no degree, but do live in the DC area which I’m sure opens more doors then other places in the country

My SD 7yr is a bit overweight. She will EAT all day, not just growing kid amounts. She will eat nearly adult sized portions at meals, then want snacks throughout the day, and STILL want multiple snacks after dinner. At night it isn’t request for a little granola bar or normal “snacks”. She will start begging for an uncrustable or ramen noodles.

We have started “restricting” her to fruits only as a snack. During the day I am a bit more allowing of normal snack foods. (I am a sahm, husband works full time hence why I do the primary caregiving during the day). We do a lot of actives and things outside of the house and find ways to stay busy, so I assume boredom is not playing a major role in this.

Her BM and that entire side of family is very overweights and eats junk food/ processed diet (according to SD and what my husband saw while they were married). So I know it’s not like a binge situation where she otherwise doesn’t have access to snacks/ treats besides at our house.

She has started sneaking into the kitchen at night despite being told no more food, and already eating 1-2 servings of fruit as a bedtime snack. (Plus breakfast, lunch, snack,dinner, typically some kind of desert or treat once a day).

Any advice on how to stop this behavior while also not overly restricting or doing something to damage her from having a healthy relationship with food? Mind you it’s not just the overeating we are having an issue with, it’s the disregard for being told no and then going and getting food anyway.

My sister got into an abusive relationship in 2022. Her abuser additionally was verbally/ emotionally abusive towards myself and every single one of our family members. Then forced my sister in basically cutting us all off once we called out the abuse and said they (just meaning the abuser, not my sister) are no longer welcome around us or allowed to communicate with us.

My sister had a psychotic break from all the abuse (and suspected pill abusing) was a literal shell of the human she was before. She weighed maybe 90lbs. Her hair was matted into one giant dread. She was covered in bruises. (She claims were from falling and the malnutrition, not from abuser) She would send weird mainic text messages all day and all night, clearly not sleeping for days on end. My mom came and got her in the middle of the night and brought her to the ER. She was literally naked and had to be carried though their house that was covered in animal feces/ urine and trash on almost every surface…She had to be admitted, the staff thought she was literally ODing in the waiting room.

My family finally had an “intervention” January the night of her discharge and told she needed to move in with me (16hours away). Get away from her abuser, get her mental state under control and get her life back on track. If she did not we were not going to be in her life anymore and she likely was going to die. She decided to make the move.

My sister was still in some communication with her abuser but gained some weight back and seemed to be mentally doing 1000% better. I let the communication with her abuser slide as I know it’s so hard to just cold turkey walk away from these situations, she would spend hours crying about how the abuse was continuing. I finally told her she needed to choose her abuser or staying in my house. She did very little to contribute to the household or getting her life on track but I know she needed to decompress, and recover so I never brought it up or pressured her. She showed up with literally just the clothes on her back I spent thounds of dollars giving her a brand new life from scratch. any food she wanted I bought, any family outing I paid her ticket, etc.

She became very verbally abusive towards me within the last few weeks and made my house (with two young children in it) a living hell after I told her communication with abuser needed to stop happening under my roof. Our mom agreed to let her move back in under the condition that she ACTUALLY got her life on track and stoped talking to her abuser for good, this was her final chance with all of us.

Not even 24hours into her moving back home she went straight to her abusers house. I know she going to die in that relationship, but we have all cut her off for good this time. The enabling needs to stop

I am just beyond heartbroken and do not how to cope with this at all, we have always been each other’s best friends. After finally getting her back after three years I ’m loosing her forever today.

Edit: sorry any spelling/ grammar issues my brain is so overworked right now.

I saw a post the other day that really changed my life and perspective on “modern” parenting and pointing out why it seemed so much “easier”for our parents and the generations before. Kids played at home alone or outside and the house wasn’t chaos. That gave the adults time to cook and clean. They weren’t trying to balance being a companion for their children AND running the household. We didn’t have overflowing playrooms…we were bored and found ways to entertain ourselves with the same toys everyday. There were times our moms were on the phone, eating, or just needed to get something done and we had to just leave her alone, there was no interrupting or trying to squeeze her only “me time” in during a nap window.(obviously this is within reason).

Family outings were done 5-6times a year…not multiple times a month. That made them actually feel special and memorable. Vacations were once or twice a year, going to the same hotel every year and doing mostly the same things, eating mostly at the same restaurants every year. It was routine and everyone knew what to expect and what the set up would look like. There wasn’t this huge stressful planning that went into it. Realizing how much work we’re putting into curating perfect and over the top weekends and trips for children these days, let alone day to day life is crazy when you put it into perspective like that. Obviously there is some balance between being a 90s latchkey child and today’s approach, but once I realized it was okay to give my kids a “boring” childhood for today’s standards my life got SO much easier.

I’m going to Ocean city next week and have been looking on tik tok for food and restaurant recommendations, a majority of the comments are full of locals complaining about how busy tourist make it this time of year. Obviously I know it’s tik tok so I take it with a grain of salt, but why live in a beach/ tourist town and then get mad…when there are tourist.

The other half of the comments are people complaining about how gross/ nasty Ocean city is. I grew up in the Midwest but have in Maryland for 5 years now, maybe it’s the novelty of not growing up locally but I’m excited to go lol.

Please use coast guard approved life jackets. Not puddle jumpers or those little canopy floaters.

Even with parents being close by they are not safe and teach bad habits that can cause unsafe swimming and safety once they are old enough to go without them.

If you don’t have a coast guard approved floatation device just hold your baby/ toddler/ young child in your arms directly.

I work in water safety and you would be surprised how many drownings/ emergency situations happen with these things even with direct parent supervision, even right under your own nose while you’re in the pool right next to them. Drowning is silent and looks like a child just bobbing around, it’s not screaming or thrashing or anything “obvious” majority of the time.

I was on Zoloft and it suckeddddd. I stopped after a few weeks even before the normal “adjustment” period because it was making things so much worse, then when I finally started to calm back down around two weeks of using it, I could barely get out of bed and was sleeping almost 16hours a day and felt miserable.

Now I’ve been on lexapro for about two months. I don’t feel like my lows are AS low but I also don’t feel like what I think most people would consider “normal” I still have a lingering feeling of dread not like I’m expecting some crazy situation to happen, just constant feeling of how meaningless life is in the grand scheme of the universe. My anxiety still spikes at random when logically I know nothing wrong.

I’m tired of feeling this way. I just want to feel present and not even overly “happy” just content.

I’m not sure if should talk to my provider about going up in doses or maybe try out another medication?

We have an agreement that phone calls will take place for 30min on Saturday’ mornings. My ex is constantly asking to call on Sunday or mondays instead. I have said yes sometimes, I also have said no when we were out and then they threaten to hold me in contempt since our agreement states open communication will be maintained.

What are my rights here?

How do I deal with an order that states we will allow open communication but also stipulates a schedule my ex refuses to follow?

I mean the title speaks for itself. I’ve been seen this line or similar all over social media. The ironic part is it’s usually coming from women who do still work they don’t have a typical 9-5. This economy is crazy to imply families needing/ wanting two incomes to provide means you married a deadbeat husband is just so rude. Not to mention how many mothers choose to work not even solely for a paycheck it could be so that they can have a sense of self, stability, insurance, education, etc. So again to imply you somehow married a “looser” by wanting that for yourself/ family is such a weird dig to take at working moms or duel income families.

My MIL isn’t your typical “monster”in law at face value. The problem with her is she NEVER agrees with any of the choices we make and always has a snarky opinion about it.

My sister just moved in after finally breaking free from being in an extremely abusive relationship she is literal shell of the human she was once before, physically and emotionally. My parents can’t even look at her without bursting into tears seeing the state she is in, so we are fully supporting her. She’s been here about 6mo and has been doing great in her recovery but still needs a lot of help and support. Ofc my MIL is always grilling my husband about if my family is sending us money to help and how are we affording it, and what she does to “pay us back”. The wild part is THEY are in major debt to us. My husband had gotten a bonus for roughly $25,000. He pulled the money out of the bank and was storing it in his mom’s safe, since we were renovating and the contractor was willing to give us a major discount if we paid in cash. The money ALL went “missing” and no one in their house will confess and his mom refuses to figure out who stole it, and has been paying us back slowly but no where near having it paid off.

They only want to meet up at restaurants which my 18mo old does not handle well, she doesn’t sit still in restaurants and thinks it’s jungle gym. MIL is constantly making comments about how “she only acts that way because we let her”. We have very clear expectations and boundaries for our daughter but at the end of the day she’s a strong willed toddler there’s only so much that can be done to “control” them from having melt downs or refusing to sit in chair for an hour and half.

This is coming after her making constant comments comparing my looks to my husband’s ex’s while we were dating.

She also talks horribly about EVERYONE in their family and friend group, when she’s not making passive aggressive comments about us in our faces, it’s the only other thing she talks about it.

I’m so tired of being around it, and so is my husband, but he’s not ready to cut her off per se.

Any advice on how to deal with this or set boundaries with her that don’t seem like an attack or instigating as we don’t want to become the “bad guys” or start some huge family rift, but also want to make it clear this is not behavior we’re willing to tolerate anymore.

My MIL isn’t your typical “monster”in law at face value. The problem with her is she NEVER agrees with any of the choices we make and always has a snarky opinion about it.

My sister just moved in after finally breaking free from being in an extremely abusive relationship she is literal shell of the human she was once before, physically and emotionally. My parents can’t even look at her without bursting into tears seeing the state she is in, so we are fully supporting her. She’s been here about 6mo and has been doing great in her recovery but still needs a lot of help and support. Ofc my MIL is always grilling my husband about if my family is sending us money to help and how are we affording it, and what she does to “pay us back”. The wild part is THEY are in major debt to us. My husband had gotten a bonus for roughly $25,000. He pulled the money out of the bank and was storing it in his mom’s safe, since we were renovating and the contractor was willing to give us a major discount if we paid in cash. The money ALL went “missing” and no one in their house will confess and his mom refuses to figure out who stole it, and has been paying us back slowly but no where near having it paid off.

They only want to meet up at restaurants which my 18mo old does not handle well, she doesn’t sit still in restaurants and thinks it’s jungle gym. MIL is constantly making comments about how “she only acts that way because we let her”. We have very clear expectations and boundaries for our daughter but at the end of the day she’s a strong willed toddler there’s only so much that can be done to “control” them from having melt downs or refusing to sit in chair for an hour and half.

This is coming after her making constant comments comparing my looks to my husband’s ex’s while we were dating.

She also talks horribly about EVERYONE in their family and friend group, when she’s not making passive aggressive comments about us in our faces, it’s the only other thing she talks about it.

I’m so tired of being around it, and so is my husband, but he’s not ready to cut her off per se.

Any advice on how to deal with this or set boundaries with her that don’t seem like an attack or instigating as we don’t want to become the “bad guys” or start some huge family rift, but also want to make it clear this is not behavior we’re willing to tolerate anymore.

I always dreamed of having two kids. I also have two sisters im EXTREMELY close with, and wanted my children to be able to have that same bond, and someone to play with, grow up with and be there for one another when the day comes my husband and I are no longer here. My Pregnacy was horrible, I was sick and miserable the entire 9mo. I also had some very very mild complications that are likely to come back up if we’re to have a second. I’m sure I would be able to have a healthy second and no doctor has told me otherwise. I’m just not sure I want to go through it all again.

I just find parenthood extremely draining. My daughter is A LOT the first year she refused to sleep, and had to be held 24/7. Now as a toddler she has zero chill. Constant fits, never sits still, etc. still doesn’t sleep well, is still pretty clingy and high maintenance. I love her, but I cannot Imange dealing with her and being in the newborn trenches again.

Not to mention the cost of raising two children, plus my husband and I both work full time so childcare would be so high. We have very little family or friends near us to help create a “village”.

It’s still very sad to me almost like I’m mourning the life the I always envisioned for myself and my child(ren), and still feel so torn even though I feel like it’s the right choice.

This who struggled with being one and done, but knew it was the right choice… how did you accept it?