r/FamilyLaw

I never imagined I would be writing something like this on Reddit.
I’m a mother. I’m in my late 40s. I’ve spent nearly a decade in family court, much of it representing myself because I simply cannot afford an attorney.
And I am at the point where I genuinely do not know how much longer I can do this alone.
I’m not looking for sympathy. I’m not looking for someone to tell me every decision I’ve made was right. I’ve made mistakes. I’ve misunderstood legal procedures. I’ve learned some lessons the hardest possible way.
But I have never stopped showing up for my child.
And somewhere along the way, showing up for my child turned into defending myself against an endless stream of litigation.
I have spent years being the parent who handles the ordinary, unglamorous responsibilities of raising a child. School transportation. Appointments. Educational concerns. Activities. Scheduling. Finding specialists. Advocating when something isn’t right.
My daughter has documented learning, attention, and anxiety-related challenges. A court-ordered neuropsychological evaluation confirmed that she needs additional support.
I’ve been trying to get those recommendations implemented while simultaneously fighting over parenting time, child support, financial disclosures, and legal fees.
I’m not saying the other parent shouldn’t be involved. I’m saying I cannot understand how we have spent so much time and money fighting while some of our child’s most important needs remain unresolved.
Last week, I walked into court and was found in contempt.
Why?
Because I misunderstood a procedural requirement that I obtain the court’s permission before filing certain petitions.
There have been four contempt-related matters concerning my filings. I am not claiming four separate punishments were imposed. But I am now dealing with contempt findings and requests for sanctions while trying to understand the very rules I was expected to follow.
I know ignorance of the law isn’t a defense. I know that now.
But please understand what it feels like to stand in a courtroom without an attorney, trying to explain that you genuinely did not understand a legal term, while an experienced attorney argues against you.
I wasn’t trying to defy the court.
I was trying to get the court to hear me.
At that same hearing, my request to reconsider a school-night parenting arrangement was denied without prejudice. The judge told me I had not presented a convincing enough argument.
So now I have to figure out how to present a better one, while also worrying that another procedural mistake could result in more consequences.
I’m exhausted.
Not because I’m unwilling to work. I’ve worked harder on this case than I ever thought a person could.
I’m exhausted because I’m a mother trying to function as a lawyer, paralegal, financial analyst, investigator, and full-time case manager without the education, resources, or protection that comes with having counsel.
And there is another enormous issue.
Child support.
The original support amount dates back approximately ten years. I’ve been trying to get the financial situation properly addressed for years.
I believe there are significant unresolved support issues, including possible arrears, historical underpayment, and financial information that needs professional review.
I understand an attorney cannot simply go back ten years and retroactively change every support order. I’m not asking anyone to promise me money that the law doesn’t allow.
I’m asking someone qualified to examine what was ordered, what was paid, what was disclosed, what motions were filed, and what relief may still be legally available.
Because I cannot keep trying to untangle this by myself.
Here’s the part I wish an attorney would understand before quoting me $25,000.
I have already done an extraordinary amount of the groundwork.
I built a digital system to organize my own case.
I’m talking about years of court orders, filings, correspondence, financial records, timelines, parenting-time documentation, and supporting evidence.
I’ve worked to make it searchable, organized, and understandable.
I can hand an attorney a chronology, the relevant orders, the disputed issues, and the documents supporting them.
I’m not pretending that replaces legal expertise. It doesn’t.
But I’m also not walking into an attorney’s office with ten years of loose papers in a garbage bag.
I’ve done the work. I need someone who knows the law to help me use it properly.
I have a court-approved fee waiver. My finances are genuinely strained. I am working to rebuild my income while continuing to care for my child.
I’ve been quoted retainers around $25,000.
I don’t have $25,000.
If I had $25,000 sitting around, I wouldn’t have spent years trying to teach myself how to navigate family court.
And here’s what is breaking my heart:
I don’t want to spend the rest of my daughter’s childhood doing this.
I don’t want her memories of growing up to include a mother constantly surrounded by court documents, financial stress, and another hearing on the calendar.
I want to work. I want to earn a living. I want to take care of my daughter. I want to get her the services she needs.
I want to be her mother.
Not her mother and her attorney.
I’m not asking someone to take my word that I’m right about everything.
In fact, I want an attorney who will tell me when I’m wrong. I want someone who can look at the record objectively, identify what matters, tell me what isn’t worth pursuing, and help me stop making procedural mistakes.
I need someone who understands complex Illinois family litigation, parenting-time disputes, child-support modification and enforcement, contempt proceedings, and the realities of representing someone who has been pro se for years.
I would gladly discuss limited-scope representation, a paid case review, help with one hearing, an affordable initial retainer, or a payment arrangement.
I am not expecting anyone to work for free.
I am looking for a way to access the legal representation that I so clearly need.
If you are an Illinois family-law attorney, know an attorney who takes difficult cases, have experience with legal-aid organizations, or know of a legitimate resource for parents in this position, please tell me.
Even if you cannot take the entire case, perhaps you know someone who could help me get through the next stage.
I have spent almost ten years trying to figure out how to be heard.
I’m not asking anyone to fight my battles for me. I’m asking for someone who understands the law to stand beside me while I fight for my child.
Please. If you know where I should turn, I am listening. Will county Illinois.

I’m considering filing a separate child support modification based on a substantial change in circumstances rather than trying to address child support as part of an upcoming plenary hearing that already involves several other disputed issues.
The non-custodial parent lost his job approximately 8 months ago and remains unemployed. Since then, I have been covering essentially all of our daughter’s expenses, including her day-to-day needs, school tuition, aftercare, extracurricular activities, and health, dental, and vision insurance.
Our existing order requires him to maintain medical insurance for our daughter and reimburse me for medical expenses I pay over $250. Since losing his employment and insurance coverage, I have taken over those expenses as well.
There are also questions regarding his request to receive a child-support credit for another child he says he had last year. As far as I am aware, no documentation establishing paternity or information concerning the other parent has been provided.
Another issue is financial disclosure. He has not provided his W-2, the complete separation/severance documentation from his previous employer, or what I believe to be a complete and accurate CIS. Those documents could obviously be relevant to determining his actual income, severance, unemployment benefits, assets, and ability to contribute.
Because our plenary hearing already involves multiple unrelated issues, I’m wondering whether it makes more sense to file a separate child support modification based on changed circumstances and have the financial issues addressed on their own.
For anyone familiar with New Jersey family court:
If the non-custodial parent has been unemployed for approximately 8 months, what typically happens with support? Is support temporarily reduced, suspended, or can income eventually be imputed if the court determines the parent has the ability to work?
If the parent requesting a reduction has not provided complete financial disclosures, how does the court usually handle that?
Has anyone had a child support modification proceed separately while other post-judgment issues or a plenary hearing were pending? Did the court keep the support application separate, consolidate everything, or address support first?
What can I ask the court to do in regard to getting documents?

I’m trying to determine the cleanest way to have child support reviewed without adding another complicated financial dispute to an already extensive plenary hearing.
This is in New Jersey.

I’m the petitioner in a Missouri custody case modification. Heres the thing, the mother also has a separate personal-injury lawsuit where she claims serious, permanent, and progressive injuries, ongoing medical treatment, and wage loss.
In our custody case, I requested medical records related to those injuries because her ability to work and care for our child is an issue.
At the September 29 hearing, her attorney objected and said the medical records were irrelevant. The judge disagreed and specifically stated they were relevant to her ability to work. I also raised their potential relevance to her ability to care for our child.
At the follow-up hearing, the judge gave an opportunity for the documents to be produced. Two days later, her custody attorney withdrew.
The judge gave her 14 days to obtain a new attorney or proceed pro se.
I’m not assuming the withdrawal was because of the discovery issue, but the timing caught my attention.
What happens next? Does the withdrawal affect the outstanding discovery? Can a new attorney re-argue objections the judge has already ruled on? And does the judge’s ruling that the medical information is relevant remain in effect?

I have a 15 year old and 12 in Florida.
My ex was in prison for a couple years and when he got out he barely saw them. Custody agreement right now is he’s every other weekend but they haven’t been with him since end of 2024.

We have family up In another state and my husband get a good job offer, what are the chances of getting approved to move out of state?

I recently filed a custody case against my children’s father. Snooping through my house, he discovered the filing and has claimed he will try to evade being served. I have text messages as proof. Is this something that will possibly benefit my case?

Initially, he attempted to convince me to “work it out” when I disagreed, he decided he will not be present and has left me with multiple full work weeks ahead, and no help with childcare. I have not yet found a consistent babysitter for my work days as he and I were copacetic and alternated childcare during each other’s work schedules. This has completely stopped on his end after he discovered I was filing for a custody arrangement.
This has been happening the last few weeks and I have since become accustomed to having to take them to work with me.
Despite this, he expects me to take care of the kids when he works overnights. I don’t believe this is my responsibility. He is obligated to figure out his own childcare is he not?
I am no longer willing to “meet in the middle” with him as he is difficult to work with and takes more than he is willing to give.
Should I be concerned in the future court proceedings that this will backfire on me?. I am worried this will end up looking bad on me despite his own disdain for me when I initially was asking for the same accommodations. I have since stopped accommodating him or asking him to accommodate me because he was not showing up when he was told I would be needing him, showing up hours later on his own time, or not at all.
I have been keeping a record on these situations but I think his threats are getting to me a bit.