u/MassiveAd4946

We separated and divorced when youngest was one year old. I have had sole legal the entire time. He has day visits four days a month and only sees the youngest. He frequently misses visits unless there are court hearings pending. Youngest just started kindergarten. He is not active with her medical care or much of anything.

Lots of verbal and financial abuse and a whole lot of bullying/allegations of controlling behavior on my part from him. Oldest and I have been in therapy since separation nearly four years ago.

Lots of suspicions over the last year from myself (RN with AuDHD) and from specialists for other issues that she is on the spectrum. Kindergarten teacher just confirmed same suspicions 3 weeks into kindergarten and recommended formal testing and her willingness to provide information to providers. I informed dad who became defensive and demanded to know details. (Dad typically tries to argue about any care that might translate into cost, but lacks the authority to say no and I ensure that needs are documented by professionals prior to proceeding.)

He is on the list at school with only a note that he cannot pick her up without my expressed consent. Dad is demanding that I provide communications, contact info, etc. He wasn’t sure what grade she was going into a month ago. I informed him that he had access to the school and referred him directly to them, now says that I’m denying him information by referring him to the source. (He knows what school she attends, so the phone number is one Google search away.)

I believe the gold standard is that parents both communicate with educators directly, and by doing so he is not able to force additional communication with me AND he has unfiltered communication with the source.

My priorities are my daughter’s best interest and protecting me from communication that is unnecessary and possibly abusive.

Am I wrong, here?

[IN]

I work in nursing leadership and I am a salaried employee. I am a person with a protected disability, but that is only for big picture view of the circumstances.

I’m preparing for my third surgery in eight months. The first two were fairly uncomplicated and I took limited time off all covered by PTO but also approved FMLA. On the second one, the government walked in for an inspection the following day and I immediately returned to work. I’m very devoted, to a fault, and my boundaries are poor. I love my job most days, which is more than many people can say.

At times were have staffing challenges, as happens in nursing. At times I am forced to abandon my job responsibilities to cover the floor. Don’t love it, but it’s life, and most of the time I don’t hate it.

Non clinical leadership is of another generation. He is insistent that if I have to work the floor to cover a hole for four hours (not including travel time, time to get report from outgoing nurse and give report to relieving nurse) that I should only be able to comp four hours. Often bc I’m in leadership, I end up in the weeds for leadership issues to the shift looks like:

Drive time: 30 min
Incoming report: 30 min
Scheduled time: 4 hours
Outgoing report: 30 min
Completing leadership duties that came up while on the floor: 30 min- 2 hours depending on circumstances
Drive home: 30 min

So my “four hour shift” can cost me 6+ hours at a time after hours when I’m sacrificing time with my family who are home for the evening/night.

My boss says I can only comp four hours under these circumstances, which means I also spend my time and gas making an extra commune to work another half day when I did NOT choose this! I’m having another surgery in two weeks and I’m being pressured into 3 shifts in 5 days bc the other leaders “might quit.” But I have a lot to do personally and professionally and it is clear I’m being taken advantage of and I am stressed out. I even had to take PTO tomorrow bc I did not want to get home at 1am or later and have to be back at 8am.

What protection do I have in Indiana? I’m not asking for a gift, I’m asking for logic and some sense of fairness for sacrifices that I make to keep things running. And perhaps some backing from employment law since we aren’t being logical here.

DH has SS17, SD15. They are vicious and rude. I have DD15 and DD4 but DD4 thinks of him as dad but sees her real dad a couple times a month for the day. We have DD1.5 together.

We live in Indiana and DH got tix to the Indy 500 next weekend….4 of them. Admittedly, I’ve never been but I’m AuDHD so I don’t particularly enjoy such things but I tolerate when appropriate.

He wanted to take me and step kids. I told him that I spent several years trying to force a cohesive family unit and im no longer interested. I dong enjoy my time with the step kids. My DD15 expressed an interest when asked (I also didn’t love us going without her having the opportunity) so I told him to take the big kids and I’ll stay home with the littles.

I am at peace.