r/stepparents

I 36F have been with my husband 36M for several years. As time has gone on, I’m seeing his effort with all things decrease. There’s no longer much effort at all. We do go to marriage counseling, he’s receptive to the feedback, but it’s not changing him as a person. I think I really hit my breaking point on Mother’s Day and now I just feel like I’m existing.

I’ve been lonely in our relationship for some time now. He’s my best friend, I’m 100% a husbands girl. That’s not being reciprocated, so I’ve taken a step back from that. There’s been less physical intimacy, it’s pretty much only surrounded around 1 thing now as far as intimacy goes (you know what I mean.) But now there’s no hand holding, kissing, or really even spending time together and when we do he’s on his phone doom scrolling. For context he works really long hours and as soon as we start to decompress he falls asleep. I miss being able to actually talk to him.

Recently this year he’s also stopped acknowledging holidays, including his daughter’s birthday. Her birthday was a few days ago, he got her absolutely nothing. I was floored. He is very much a provider, all he does is work, and I also work and take care of everything else. This is just getting completely out of hand. That was a complete turn off for me. He got her absolutely nothing. I spent a few hundred dollars on her thankfully, but I did tell her that the presents are from me.

I’m so over the below bare-minimum that’s been going on and progressively gotten worse. Counseling is new and it’s helping so far but it’s not really focusing on what’s going on with him internally. There’s definitely something going on with him. Not acknowledging me on Mother’s Day at all was something but not even acknowledging your child’s birthday is completely wild to me. Has anyone gone through this? Is this just complete overwhelm and shut down?

I feel bad for my SD, she’s a pre-teen and at this point I really feel her mom should have majority custody, which says a lot because she’s also got her own issues but at least SD would feel loved and cared about consistently. I hangout with SD majority of the time she’s with us (we have 50/50) however I can’t imagine what it feels like when a biological parent doesn’t even prioritize you. I don’t feel important, SD doesn’t feel important, I don’t know what’s going on anymore.

For context, he’s not depressed. He has no issue at all being around friends and family outside of his immediate family. He goes out with friends and over the family’s houses often, in which acts 100% normal (nice, engaged, and happy.)
And he did not forget his daughter’s birthday. He knew it was her birthday, he went to a birthday party her mom threw for her the week before her birthday. I’m completely confused by it, but also sad for my SD because I can’t imagine how it feels.

My boyfriend and I moved in together 4 months ago. He has two children, 3 and 2. I also have a 9 year old. I have fallen pregnant and am now taking care of his two children Tuesday- Friday, while boyfriend is at work. I have 10 years of experience in childcare/licensed schools and personal experience. I have never come across a child like boyfriends oldest.

He whines, screams and cries at/for everything. Both children are STILL on baby bottles, and only drink juice, that seems to be the only thing to shut them up until the bottle is empty. The children do not sleep through the night. Waking up around 4-6 times at night. They wake up screaming and throwing anything they can reach and it’s disrupted everyone’s sleep.

I’ve tried to keep them on a routine while I’m watching them during the day, when dad comes home around five, he makes them take an hour to an hour and a half nap, which ruins everything I’ve done for the day.

The children hit, kick, throw things, throw themselves to the ground when they are told no.

The lack of sleep is what’s killing me. I’m 12 weeks pregnant and this first trimester has destroyed me, iykyk.

We signed a 13 month lease and I’m worried about what to do next. I’m not scared to raise a child on my own, I’m just not sure what to do. Can anyone relate to my experience?

My kids adore their stepdad, he’s been a huge positive presence in their life and they want to do something nice for him. He’s been there as a father figure as their father has limited contact, which we are trying to improve. I wanted to get him a “step” father’s day present, nothing big, but was going to also include my stepdaughter who is the same age as my daughters. I wanted her to feel included but I don’t know if that’s going too far as a stepmother and crossing a boundary with her mom. The present is nothing too crazy and it represents our whole blended family. For Mother’s Day their stepdad did a craft with them and got them to pick out flowers for me. So I wast sure if it was appropriate to reciprocate the sentiment.

Any advice? Am I overthinking things. This whole stepparent co-parenting thing is so hard to maneuver at times and I want to do the right thing by all the kids.

ETA: SS is 12
I work 4 out of 5 days. So Wednesday I have off.
Normally SS should have gone to his mom but she requested he stays until Saturday. Sure no problem.

BM knows that if SS is not here my SO works at the office. Idk if she knows that I am free that day so I am always here when SS comes to ours on Wednesday.

A little over year ago BM walked into our house to take SS walked around to get his stuff because she was angry he was home alone too long (exactly 30 minutes longer than she left him daily and she was offered to take him that night but declined. It felt like a massive set up)
But I’d led to a strongly worded e-mail with clear “rules” for how long SS was allowed to be home alone and a threat to never walk into the home ever again.

Yesterday as usually it is my cave woman day. I looked homeless. I was gaming with a headset on. SS was upstairs in his room. I didn’t hear him come in the room but he was holding his phone out like he was filming himself walking in the house.

I took of my headphones and looked back at him to see what he was doing and suddenly I heard BM’s voice. Saying: okay.
And I look back and I am face to face with her on face time. And I was stunned.

I looked at SS like wtf is happening here… and he went on to his mom “ so yeah what happened at school was …” while he ran back upstairs.
I felt so violated. I was just minding my own business in the comfort of my own home.

I didn’t know what happened. And I didn’t know how to approach the discussion. I talked to SO and he said she was probably checking if he was home alone so she could go off again. He said he would talk to SS but that didn’t sit well with me because then it feels like I just complain and snitch to SO and I need to handle this myself.

I don’t know how to approach it now a day later. But I really feel like I have to.
Any tips how to talk about this?

I'm so tired help us please

Background:

We're in the UK. We have an ours baby F1, and husband has M6 and M11 from his marriage to BM.

We spent years going through courts to stop BM withholding M6 and M11 from my partner. She tried everything to cut down his access - eventually saying he could have every other weekend IF he was off work (he has two weekends out of 10 off bc work). Our main gripe was her asking M11 to make the decisions about if he wanted to see his dad since he was 7. He's very sensitive and BM is a little volatile and emotionally manipulative. She tried to put him in the middle horrifically and I genuinely still believe he would benefit from some gentle therapy. Anyway. We went to court, custody was agreed with strict rules. My husband got everything he asked for and court basically told her to move on and focus on the kids. Happy days.

There was no provision for sickness. The kids have exchanged sick before - with fevers and diarrhea, with medicines in tow, ear infections, the flu - you name it. They've gotten sick here and gone back as normal with no issues and vice versa. BM mentioned sickness at court and they said that unless the kids are too sick to be moved, custody goes ahead as normal. Nothing about sickness is written in the court order.

F1 had a tummy bug last week and husband got symptoms on Saturday. Wasn't feeling bad come pickup so went to get the kids. M6 got sick at ours and M11 has come down with it last night. BM is fuming. We're selfish for not mentioning that we had sickness in the house and she (surprise surprise) wants to give the kids to chance to choose whether they come round in future WHEN we message to say we've got illness in the house. We've deliberately left her in the lurch as she doesn't have the luxury we have of taking time off work for childcare.

We've never dealt with this before so I think we might be the buttheads here for still going and getting the kids when we've had sickness in the house, but how do we manage this going forwards? What works for everyone else? How do we protect the kids while not allowing BM to pull sickiesfor them and withhold contact again? The whole point of the court order was to put rules in place so this can't happen. I hate that we're back here again.

Help, advice, condemnation, all valid and accepted please and thank.

I am new to dating a single parent with 2 boys 9 and 13.
The mom lives hrs away and she voluntarily walked out of the marriage/has severe mental issues, had to be hospitalized for mental illness, spent all the divorce money before they even finalized the divorce and lived in her car waiting for her turn for custody while they were figuring out the schedule.

I looked at the court record and I saw he filed for emergency ex parte and he has them daily, she visits supervised with his ex mil sometimes she’s unsupervised. She is fighting for overnights every other weekend but she has no place (just living with a friend over the weekend). Delusion runs in the family.

I want to be hidden from her knowing about me as long as possible, she will go to crazy lengths and she is plotting to get more $ or custody time.

We are in the super early stage of dating. So I need help (I don’t need to be told to run, I’ve vetted him and I have a friend that knows him, she knew him before his ex wife went off)

So, since he has them at all times, and he drives and drops them off to school, a sport, and he has them both signed up for another regular extracurricular, he told me one time they had choir, maybe they have other extracurriculars like a second language I’m not aware of, but I had a similar schedule with a single parent

His ex mil helps once a week to cook and take them to an outing like the park, etc.

What can I reasonably expect for availability and managing my boundaries so we both know we’re putting in the effort since I’ve only had relationships with no child /no divorce men?
He told me women he’s dated in the past say they’re ok with him having kids then later they don’t understand his responsibilities and get jealous of time he’s with his kids. He said right now prioritizing his kids and time with his kids is most important because of what they went through. He sees his guy friends once a week to drink/play bets/watch the game on Sunday evenings typically.

I want to show my husband this post. Tell me what you have/had to sacrifice, tolerate or adjust to because you are with a parent. Feel free to also share your resentments.

Today, I told my husband a big one is having your schedule be dictated by co-parenting and/or the child’s schedule. I also told him he can’t understand how hard it is to be a partner to someone that has a child or children. I told him about this group and how I am not alone.

Thank you in advance.

I got a new job working evening shift (2-10:30 PM). This means less time dealing with the SK. I can skip out on giving him rides and going to baseball games. I think this will be very beneficial for my relationship. The SK and I have a strained relationship. He reports back to his mom about everything. Doesn’t really acknowledge me unless he wants something. I’m so glad to be able to NACHO further.

I have two SS and a fairly happy relationship with my partner. We’ve had our ups and downs with the BM but none of which has she been nasty towards me. Matter of fact we text and I do A LOT for the kids and she SEEMS to be appreciative and I know my partner is but I can’t get over the sense that they were perfect for each other and should’ve never broken up and the only thing that seems to of separated them was the stress of having kids.

I’m so different from them though but I fell in love with my partner because he seemed like someone who always dreamed of the same things I did just had life get in the way so I thought I could just add a little *whimsy* to their lives, but now 4 years in the relationship after sharing my view on life over and over and getting excited about niche things my partner just laughs at me like I’m crazy, and I can’t help but feel I dedicated a lot of my life to trying to fit into this family and they’ve done so little to fit into mine… maybe that’s just the toll of being a step parent.

I’m bitter over his ex because he’ll mention little things often about her pregnancy with the kids, the things he did for her like selling his vehicles and buying a house, he’ll watch a video about a couple and go “this reminds me of when I tried to get her to watch X show (which bothers me because why after all this time he sees a couple video and relates to their relationship more than ours) and fixing all the stuff she would “force him to do” and I can’t help but to feel those things weren’t things she “forced him to do” but things he did because he loved her and wanted her to be happy, meanwhile it feels like dragging a cat to water when I ask him to go to the park and have a picnic with me. I’m bitter of her because I used to have so much confidence but Everytime I see her I find myself comparing my looks to hers. I find myself comparing her soothing voice to mine mumbly voice and abrupt loud laugh. I find myself comparing the absolute rock star of a mom she is to how I am as a step mom. I hate how Everytime they’re In a good spot as co parents the memories of them tend to come out of his mouth more and the “I wish her and I could be friends again, I miss her as a friend and I still care about her” and then when I bring up my insecurities about this to him in a very calm collected matter he tells me it’s annoying that I don’t trust him and he gets mad at me…, all I want is just some reassurance once in a while….

I’m just so confused on what to think. I’m confused if my feelings are even valid or if it’s just my jealousy. I’m confused on why I continue ruining the good I have with my partner every 3 months when I start feeling this way. I’m just lost… and I guess I just needed to vent.

I (F33) am engaged to a (M44) who has 3 daughters (F17),(F11), and (F11).
The oldest will supposedly be moving out this year or next year to go to college, and she’s been with us full time because her mother died last year.
The twins have been with us full time for about a month because their BM is getting out of an abusive relationship. She is highly unpredictable and not dependable, and she has 7 kids, 2 are out of the house now. She is going to try and get section 8 housing but it would seem that the custody arrangement might be very uncertain for us. She doesn’t have a vehicle to transport 2 11 year olds, a 5 year old and two 3 year olds anymore.
I cannot handle having the twins full time. Having all the kids 50/50 was really my max. I’ve been extremely stressed out and overwhelmed since they been with us even though I try to keep it together.
We’re supposed to move in a couple months and honestly I’m not feeling comfortable signing a lease or even planning a wedding with how bad mentally I’ve been doing. I love him and the kids. It’s just too much for me in the situation we’re in right now.
I’m starting to believe we’re just incompatible but I keep talking myself out of it. I feel responsible for the well being of the kids because their mom has been a shit show for the last 4 years. I’ve been in all their lives for 5 years.
Honestly I miss my freedom and the ability to do things spontaneously with a partner without kids. I have the dreams to travel and it just seems unlikely here.
How do you stop gaslighting yourself and break free even if you love your partner the kids and the cats that you have together. It’s hard to leave it all behind.
-I’m more depressed
-I’m drinking more
-I’m gaining weight now
-I find myself anxious to come home
-struggling to see a light at the end
-fiancé is avoidant

For context my current partner lives with me in my place which I bought 20 years ago and it’s inexpensive to maintain. I pay the mtg and insurance he pays utilities and food but let me mention it costs him less than 1100 a month. He has 2 children one in college one working but in college at night. Partners ex wife gets 2k a month forever. She gets part of his pension. He lets her walk all over him. He’s expected to pay for college and cars and anything else. She even had the audacity to mention I have a good job when they were arguing over money insinuating I should pick up the household slack so he can give her more money. Both his kids are lazy and entitled which is hilarious because both parents rely on others to survive. She lives with her mother with the 2 kids. His 21 year old college aged son who takes 12 credits a semester and refuses to work except when forced in summer for a few weeks, uses my partners spare car all summer my partner pays all maintenance and insurance. He had to pick him up at his mothers house so his son could pick up the extra car cause god forbid she does anything she retired early thanks to my partner but I digress. My partner proceeded to fill up the car with gas and have it washed. That was it for me. I just snapped im tired of the enabling. He says not my business so I said actually you live here for less than 1100 a month and where we live an apt at min is 2500. So I replied yes it is because your ex and kids benefit indirectly because if you had to pay your own rent and bills you couldn’t afford to be Daddy Warbucks. I’m just fed up and I don’t see it getting better. After this I wouldn’t even consider someone with kids again I’m so sour. And don’t even get me started on his family. His father is obsessed with his ex going so far as sending her Valentines which is creepy.

Hey SPs. I want to preface this that I am going to be an ex SP once we get divorced. We’re currently separated and living apart. I’ll just call him my husband because well, legally he still is.

I’m living in our home while he’s back living with his parents. I probably would’ve been the one to leave if I had anywhere else to go. We both pay the mortgage on the house and financially I can’t pay this and an apartment or something. Anyways…

I saw him today and I’m struggling. He has 2 kids. 12 and 9 boys. We were only married for a little over a year before I said I was done. I know that seems insane and trust me, I feel insane some days.

He had a crazy close relationship with his mom, which..okay. She honestly was raising his kids for him while he worked a lot after his divorce from BM. The kids had been essentially Disney parented by everyone until we started living together. And us living together was a whole thing. His custody agreement wouldn’t allow us to live together before marriage. I fought so hard for him to talk to his lawyer about that because I was freaking out about that, but he wouldn’t.

BM was…BM. She guilt tripped the hell out of him when he stood up to her with anything. Most of the time he allowed her to say and do a lot to just keep the peace. That always bothered me because I (we) would get the short end of the stick often.

I just never felt like part of the family. It was always him and his kids and his parents. They would go on lavish summer vacations and when we were engaged and just bought the house they planned a big one and I was told about it last minute and had to buy my own room (bc of custody agreement) but I couldn’t afford it and my husband basically said yeah I can’t afford it either…oh well I’m still going with my family and left me behind. I almost called the wedding off over that. It just felt like such a slap in the face. Not to mention I caught her talking bad about me in the middle of the night on a trip and I confronted him about it afterwards and his excuse was, well she’s drunk she won’t remember it anyways, sorry you heard that. And I was nothing but nice and agreeable to everyone. That situation was never brought up again by him.

Not to mention he drank every single day, not to the point of being sloppy but he definitely could not go without it. I felt like he was bottling everything up and drinking it away.

It all became way too much. The kids behavior, BM drama, MIL drama. I woke up one day and decided to quit asking for change. I told him I was done.

Now that I said that he’s completely changed his tune. He quit drinking, wants to talk about feelings all the time. Has written me so many letters about how much I mean to him.

I’m tired you guys. When I see him I’m mainly just mad. I feel selfish like I should be giving him another chance but why did he only listen when I was leaving? Like all the times before. He KNEW how I was feeling but didn’t do anything about it until I was already gone.

Please talk some sense into me, I think I made the right call, it’s just so hard

My stepson came into my life when he was five and I never once thought of him as anything other than my son and losing him last year has been the hardest thing I've ever had to carry. His wife has been incredible through all of it and those grandkids are the only reason I get out of bed some mornings.

I own a home, run a small business and have savings I've been building for years and every bit of it I want to go to them but I found out recently that without a will or a trust in place the state has its own ideas about where your assets end up and his wife and kids wouldn't necessarily be first in line. Turns out the years I spent raising him count for nothing on paper and his kids have no automatic legal right to inherit from me without the right documents in place.

I've been looking into wills and trusts and I'm not sure which one actually protects them the way I want or whether I need both and I'd really appreciate knowing where you even begin with something like this.

Trigger Warning: Suicidal thoughts

Hi, before I begin, I really hope that everyone can show me some kindness. I was a stupid person who sought validation in the wrong things. I’ve ruined myself and my life, and I can never forgive myself. I’ve made a huge mistake, and I know it - so please don’t rub salt in the wound. As my prefrontal cortex continues to develop, I realise what an idiot i’ve been.

I am 23 years old, I have 2 children with a man who is quite a bit older than me. I met him when I was 18, we got married when I was 19, and now I have a 2 year old and a 7 month old. When I met him (through work events), he had told me he was divorced but staying with his ex wife and had a good relationship with her and they were best friends who were co- parenting. I didn’t think much of it because I didn’t view him as anything more than a friend/ mentor at the time. So he consistently praised his ex to me, talking about what a wonderful mother she is, how beautiful she is etc. Whatever. It was also weird to me that they were sharing a bed with their 2 kids, even though they were divorced on paper. Again, whatever. He love bombed me, told me how incredible and beautiful I was and all the most charming things i’ve never heard from anyone else before.

Then things escalated and we slept together, and for someone like me who had just broken up with her ex boyfriend of an actually appropriate age, it was out of a fantasy and the best time i’ve ever had. We met up more often and soon enough, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes without thinking too much into it, I never even thought it would end up going anywhere, but it felt nice to be desired by an older, charismatic guy who would spoil me in a way i’ve never been treated before. But it was weird. He lived with his ex, went on movie dates with her, had lunch dates with her, and would constantly text her when i’m around him. I even asked him when we were dating once if he would consider responding to her later instead, and he blew up on me and pulled out the “that’s the mother of my kids” card.

Anyways, I tolerated a lot of bullshit and he insisted I met his kids, who were 2 boys ages 4 and 7 at the time. I got along great with them and they really liked me. His parents really liked me too, and I get along great with them. I also still get along great with the kids.

Well, I asked him if he would ever consider leaving his ex’s house (he got primary custody of his kids as his ex did not want it), and he told me he’d only leave if we got married. And he said he wanted to marry me as soon as possible. He tried to get me pregnant and i agreed, but I didn’t conceive very quickly. He asked me if there was something “wrong with me”, because his kids were “one shot wonders” and it was due to the incredible biological chemistry him and his ex shared (for the record, there was nothing wrong with me, after a sperm analysis, it was proven that he was the issue). Eventually I fell pregnant with our first child and we got married. Honestly, I resent my parents for allowing me to get married to him. i couldn’t invite my friends because I was embarrassed, I couldn’t let anyone know how old he was or about his kids. Till today, nobody knows.

He only moved out of the home with his ex when I was 15 weeks pregnant, and we got our own place. But he would still text her constantly for the sake of “co parenting”. Throughout my entire pregnancy I was completely neglected. We have them 5 days a week and they go over to their mother’s house on the weekends. Guilt acted fast and he would constantly be the super hero dad for them, get them whatever they wanted, do whatever they wanted etc etc. I would go days without eating and he wouldn’t even bat an eyelid. I would be vomiting profusely and he wouldn’t care. When I was admitted to hospital for Hyperemesis gravidarum, he left me all alone. Sure, I got along with the kids, but at what cost? When I was close to giving birth, I was very insistent on an unmedicated and natural birth, but he asked me if i would consider an induction so that we could plan out the timing of the baby’s arrival, because if the baby were to be born on a weekday, he’s not sure if he would be able to make it (WE HAD A FULL TIME HOUSE HELP/NANNY AND HIS PARENTS LIVE IN THE SAME ESTATE)

He boasted so much about how involved he was for his ex’s pregnancy, how much he was there for her postpartum, and how he handled all the baby stuff. I really believed him.. until he completely neglected me through everything. I’ll never forget when I was screaming in excruciating pain, 9cm dilated and he left the room because his older son called him to fix a game on his ipad. He was on his phone texting his kid throughout my labour. He also made comments about my body, about my stretch marks and how his ex never got them, and how quickly his ex bounced back after births

He was also absent for 7 months after the baby was born When my baby was 3 days old, he took his kids to a water park. He constantly prioritised his kids with her over me and my newborn baby. After a suicide attempt, he finally realised his mistakes and slowly put in a lot of effort to do better. He also minimised contact with his ex wife, because I was at my limit. Even though I was postpartum I still prioritised his kids, I still did everything to be perfect and make sure they were comfortable. I gave and gave and gave, yet nobody gave a flying fuck about me.

Unfortunately, I fell pregnant again when my baby was only 8 months old. This pregnancy, he was actually present for me. Suddenly he showered me with gifts, and took care of our older one and started actually acting like a father to our shared child, and taking care of me through my pregnancy. He also helped me immensely during my birth and postpartum stage. He is continuing to do really well even now. But the resentment I carry, I just cannot take it anymore. I feel so inferior to his ex wife, I’m constantly stalking her socials and constantly comparing myself to her and how he loved her so much more (he insists he didn’t). Every time I see his kids I see her face and it makes me nauseous. I genuinely love the kids but I can’t live like this anymore. Today i saw her when i was picking my kid up from daycare, and I almost blacked out and fainted on the sidewalk.

I am reminded of all the ways i am not good enough. Everything I do, is always so much more than their mother has ever done for them. But at the end of the day, who am i? i’m nobody. I know I need to live for my kids but I can’t go on feeling this way anymore. No medication has helped me. I’m drowning and I can’t see the light. I’m living in the past, I’m terrified of the future, and I resent every second of this.

Please help. Divorce is not an option for me at the moment.

So long story short, the relationship between SS (11) and I has deteriorated over the past year or so. I've effectively been used as the scapegoat for him not wanting to come over. We're talking very minor reasons, like once I asked him to pick a smaller pumpkin at Halloween. These issues are always relayed to DH by BM. Over time, I've felt more and more uncomfortable around him, for fear of saying/doing something that will be used against me later to the point I've totally stepped back. Every time I do start to feel more relaxed, something else gets brought up. Last weekend, DH made a joke towards SS. I had no idea there was any problem until SD tells us that S​S didn't want to come because of said joke, and that it was "mainly" because of me. I made one tiny comment off the back of DH's joke. I just feel totally done. I've really tried, but at this point I don't even want to engage in conversation with SS. I don't want to go to his sports events or make him special meals or buy him thoughtful gifts. I know it might sound petty, he's a child, I'm an adult but I don't have the capacity to keep giving when it gets thrown back in my face. When I can't relax in my own home when he's here. When things like this happen with my SS I just feel deflated. DH is great, he's supportive and he has all the right conversations but SS and me just don't gel. I have two very young children myself to look after, I have a SD who I get along great with, I feel like they need to be my focus.

I’m a 33F and have an 11-year-old stepdaughter. I’ve been with her dad for about 5 years, and honestly, we have a really good relationship. I adore her. She’s funny, smart, and usually we genuinely enjoy being around each other.

But I’m frustrated with myself lately because I feel like when I’m not at my best mentally/emotionally, it impacts her so much.

I work full time and go to school, and right now I’m deep in finals. Last night I got maybe 2-3 hours of sleep because I was up studying all night. Both my stepdaughter and I have ADHD, and I know emotional regulation can already be hard for me even when I am rested. When I’m exhausted, overstimulated, or stressed, my patience gets thin way faster than I want it to.

She’s also in that phase where everything turns into an argument or a debate, and today I caught myself getting short and visibly annoyed. Not screaming or anything awful, but just… irritated. Cold. And the whole time I’m doing it, I know I’m going to regret it later, but in the moment I struggle to pull myself out of it. And this isn't the first time something like this has happened.

And honestly, I hate that side of myself. I worry that moments like this are what she’ll remember when she’s older. I worry one day she’ll just think I was mean or impatient and not see how much I truly love her.

I think part of being a stepparent is that there’s this extra fear of “what if I mess this up?” because you don’t always feel like you have the unconditional grace biological parents get.

I don’t know. I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else struggles with this, loving their stepkid deeply, but feeling crushed by guilt whenever stress/exhaustion makes them less patient than they want to be.

Does anyone know if there’s a Discord server, group chat, or online support group specifically for stepmoms/stepparents?

I know Reddit is great or those Facebook group chats (those seem very impersonal), but sometimes I wish there was more of a real-time community where we could check in with each other, vent, ask for advice, or just talk to people who genuinely understand the weird emotional side of stepparenting.

Being a stepmom can feel really isolating sometimes, especially when you’re trying your best and still questioning yourself constantly. I think having a smaller community of like-minded stepparents to touch base with would honestly be really comforting.

If something like this already exists, I’d love to know about it. And if not… would anyone be interested in one if I make it?

My fiancé has a 3 year old daughter. He has 50/50 custody of her and has for some time now. There is currently no court ordered agreement. He made a parenting plan back in March and tried to get his daughter’s mom to look at it so that they could work out exactly what they wanted to do and then file it. She would never give feedback to it and would just say she “doesn’t agree to it”. We finally decided that he would just file a motion independently this week and it would have to be worked out from there. He hasn’t mentioned this to her yet because of the drama it will cause. In strange timing she just told him that she would be moving in with her boyfriend on July 1st. The only issue we have with this is that they are moving to the next county over. The house is only about 25 minutes away, but the school in that county is about 50 minutes to an hour away depending on traffic. The child’s mom has just assumed that she will go to school in the school district that she is moving to and we are just going to have to figure out the driving or take less time with her. Obviously we don’t want this to happen especially because he has had 50/50 custody and it’s been working fine. The parenting plan he is about to file has a relocation clause that states that if either parent moves out of the county or state, the non-relocating parent will not loose parenting time and that the child must attend school in the original school district. I know this is standard but we are just afraid that it won’t be approved because obviously her mom isn’t going to agree to this. What are the chances that the judge will agree to this clause?

Over the past several weeks, I had a feeling to look at my stepchild’s phone and concerning information all over was found. attention involving possible exposure of minors to THC/drug-related activity while at the other parent’s residence and maternal grandmother’s residence . conversations, behaviors, and screenshots that raised red flags for us as parents since there’s other three minor children living with us.

Before involving authorities, we tried to handle things appropriately and calmly. We first communicated directly with the child’s mother to express concern and attempt to work together for the child’s wellbeing. Unfortunately, the concerns did not seem to be taken seriously, and the conversations became defensive instead of solution-focused. To the point the step child (13) came back to our home for our week on/off shared schedule with edibles in the school backpack into my home. Despite the conversation with the mother, she never talked to stepchild or check the backpack for an entire week or reached out to the father for next step to help. Weird right.

After that the next day I went to their school guidance and support. The school was informed, showed proof about the situation and provided they resources for drug rehabilitation program. We also pursued professional support for the child, including outpatient therapy and substance-related counseling/resources, because our priority has always been the child’s safety, emotional wellbeing, and stability.

As more concerns continued to come up, father call CPS since the stepchild and cousin from mom side keep saying I have them the drugs(I have never met the cousin or anyone from her mother family ever)and a report was made since the mother went MIA after the last text the week prior and finish conversation dismissing the drugs usage. Additional information, screenshots, and supporting evidence were provided both to the CPS investigator and the child’s therapist. An anonymous tip was also submitted to the appropriate local authorities regarding possible drug exposure involving minors at the residence, because after three weeks no hear from CPS.

Throughout this process, we have tried to stay respectful, cooperative, and child-focused. We have documented concerns, followed professional recommendations, sought school support, pursued counseling resources, and attempted communication before escalating matters further.

However, the situation has now become extremely stressful and complicated. There have been accusations made against our household especially ME, that I can proof easily not true and deny, including claims that substances came from our home, despite having no personal involvement with the individuals allegedly connected to the situation. Given the nature of my job I have gotten drug tested 4 times since January and next one will be next week. My household is zero tolerance environment for any kind of substances including alcohol. I have three other children of my own minor too.

At this point, I’m considering separating from my husband and consulting with a family law attorney or someone experienced in CPS-related case.

If anyone has gone through something similar involving CPS, co-parenting conflict, allegations, or concerns about a child’s environment, I would appreciate hearing how you handled it, what documentation helped, and whether legal representation made a difference.

Thank you to anyone willing to share advice or support.

So his son lives with us. I’ve been raising him since he was 4 and he’s now 8. He calls me mom. His school is having a field family day and his dad won’t be able to make it. I know his mother is going. We don’t talk….AT ALL. He wants me to go. I’m not sure if I should bc I know it’s going to be awkward. She never liked me and I never gave her a reason to lol. I know she’s still salty that my husband took her to court to get custody.